bees-in-disguise

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Happy Dashcon 2 Eve, you can only reblog this today!

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Gabriel took the photo

Was playing 5s and saw the silly v1 accompanying the tips to where to find each fish which prompted me to make this

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god i never told you guys but a couple weeks ago at work i heard a guy say, and i closely paraphrase, "So I was out with my partner--republicans hate it when i say that. My heterosexual partner Jessica--" and i was straight up crying before he finished his sentence. fully diegetic convergent linguistic evolution live in the workplace

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Being a bi guy quite possibly the funniest sexuality like dammmnnnn I know who John Waters is and jerk it to twinks in panties but I got a coffee date with Hetero Jessica from work at 3 thats her name heteroooo jessica thats her name folks thats what we call her hertero jessica

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Cardinal singing outside my window just fucked up his call and had to start over. Lmao

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WHEN ON PERIOD:

do not crash out

your feelings are NOT valid

do not send that text

don't kill yourself. lock in

do not act on negative emotions until at least 2 days have elapsed

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(clearly becoming frustrated with my sexual partner) no, okay, look im not a gardevoir yet. okay. forget i mentioned gardevoir just. okay i was your ralts, right? and then i evolved into a kirlia, recently, which i currently am. okay? but im really uncomfortable with that im getting girlier, im scared- cuz im a boy. i am trying to communicate to you that i want you to give me a dawn stone so that ill be a gallade. youre playing dumb and forcefeeding me rare candy because you want me to be a gardevoir and to fuck m- okay look i’ll get the evolution chart again.

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Having a boyfriend is literally free

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watched a porno where the two guys just kind of noncommittally jerked each other off for what felt like forever and when one of them eventually shot his load the other went "oh shit wtf!" and pogged like he didn't know something like that could even happen but thought it was kind of cool in a scary way

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cold.. jealous of printer paper.. imagine getting slid through a machine and you come out all warm.. they don't even know how good they have it.

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The author's poorly disguised fetish

The author's proudly displayed fetish

The author's fetish you're pretty sure they don't realise they have

The author's fetish which they're firmly convinced everyone has and is just pretending otherwise

The author's non-sexual special interest which just sounds like a fetish because of their habitually unfortunate phrasing

The fetish the author is making a well-meaning effort to cater to in spite of clearly not understanding it themselves

The author's fetish that never quite makes it into the text because they keep getting sidetracked by the requisite worldbuilding

The author's utterly pedestrian sexual preference which the text treats like a bizarre fetish because they've got shit to work through

The author's seemingly innocuous recurring trope they're going to have a personal revelation about ten years down the road

The author's fetish you missed on a first reading because it's so far out of pocket, it never occurred to you that you could sexualise that

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Here's a P S A :

Never trust your Landlord! I just showed my landlord Kermit x Joker erotica that I wrote myself, thinking that I could trust her to give me her thoughts in a calm and mature manner. After all, I have shown her a few poems in the past about what an absolute cunt I think she is, and she received these fairly well as they remind her of her dead husband who wrote her love poems or whatever. A lady who appreciates artistic writing, right? WRONG! Turns out, her stupid dead husband never wrote any Kermit x Joker erotica so she is unable to see any creative merit to it. After reading it, she told me to follow her and that she had to show me something. I trusted her, (LIKE AN IDIOT!), and followed her into the Asbestos Basement. 'What is it, Marsha?' I asked her. She had no answer for me as she was already booking it up the stairs away from me, basement keys in hand. This bitch locked me in the Asbestos Basement. Sad what America is coming to!