beetchy-keen - Tumblr blog

[beetchy-keen]

this is the pikachu of tranquility, reblog and you will be calmed

[beetchy-keen]

So I get a bit frustrated with the sims because it's clean and polished. A lot of cc is clean and polished, even the grunge. I get that's the current aesthetic, but I'll be trying to make someone who looks like, I don't know, maybe a bit sloppy, like not put together with a carefully curated look that's been filtered through the internet for years. This isn't me talking down on that, because that's very much me.

Sometimes I wanna make a guy who looks like trouble from the late 2000s -mid 2010s, but the content isn't there in cc or in game. This could be resolved if I knew how to make cc but I don't have the patience. I suppose most aren't trying to make trashy people. Like, aesthetically. Maybe I dreamed up a character who's rough around the edges. I want to make him as I see him, ya know?

[beetchy-keen]

For the first time ever I will be meeting a man interested in dating me in person and I feel uncomfortable.

Before this, I knew that it was highly unlikely I'd ever meet anyone off these dating apps. Even though I wanted to have a relationship in person, it was much more comfortable for me to talk to someone hundreds of miles away because I never had to worry about things going south and having to carry that baggage afterward.

Now I will be meeting someone and my fears about it are bubbling up.

Over the past few days we haven't been getting along as before either. His political leaning is opposite of mine, and, rather than discuss it, he wanted to push it to the side, which I kinda floated along with. My problem being that I won't stand firm and push.

The issue I have with his leaning, and quite frankly the leaning a lot of men drawn to me have, is that they vote for a party who doesn't think people like me are real. The party that thinks we suffer from a mental illness or choose this "lifestyle" and seek to "convert" us or simply kill us off.

I have no choice but to make this a big issue if I wish to exist in peace.

He will be planning on telling his mother about me, and that made me uncomfortable. And that before I read he was planning on telling her I'm a highly effeminate gay man. You know what? I get it. When your mom may not have a deeper understanding of gender, sure. I told him that transgender woman is more accurate, even though that's not me still.

I'm just very uncomfortable that he's telling his mom about me. Why? If who I am will be a problem, then maybe it's best not to do that now. For his sake and mine. Especially if things don't work out.

We've gotten along really well until this point. If things continued as a friendship, I think that'd be best.

[beetchy-keen]

All I know is this isn't working for me like I thought it would.

[beetchy-keen]

I don't like Assassin's creed 3 anymore.

The story to me is just... ugh. And the environments are drab. The UI is by far the WORST.

Maybe it's because I'm American I find it incredibly dull, but this one was my favorite before. I thought the lead assassin was the hottest, I felt very emotional about his story...

I still like his story, I'm just not immersed like I was before. I might just skip on to Black Flag because, really, I've heard that one is AMAZING, and I'd love to see that for myself.

Why did they make the palette so DULL?? I get that it's colonial America, but was it necessary to turn down the contrast?

[beetchy-keen]

My internet ho shenanigans are revealing consequences.

I can't stop thinking of this man I met on Taimi a few months ago. I suppose I feel bad about how things were left. He'd send audio messages and I didn't. Also he is military so I imagine he didn't want to be kept on a long wait list as I gathered enough courage and money to actually afford going out (I believe in being able to pay for oneself when you go out.) Maybe his view came off as a bit crude but he was very much likeable.

I couldn't get in contact with him again, at least not without creating another Taimi and hoping to match again. Things happen for a reason. If our paths cross again, so be it.

[beetchy-keen]

Revelations has me in tears.

1. Yusuf. I feel like I don't need to say much if you've played the game.

2. Altaïr. I really appreciate seeing what happened after the end of his game. It was very bittersweet and I appreciate seeing his son.

3. Ezio and Maria. Really, Ezio getting to choose his own path for the first time in 30 years... and moving away from his life as an assassin... and the way he addressed Desmond...

I will say that I knew about some of these things, but reading it off a wiki page and actually seeing it happen is very different. I had an inkling that something bad happened to Yusuf, but the way my heart was just ripped out of my chest... I wish I could hold him. I know that's weird, very Pietà of me. I wish I could wish Sofia and Ezio all the best, give them a wedding present, see him enjoy a more domestic life. Just meeting Altair and listening to his stories ...

I think I can say I feel peace too. Don't get me wrong, the mechanics. The glitches, all that jazz- drives me up the wall. But the stories are what I play for. The characters. And Revelations so neatly tied up the end of Altair's life and let us know what path Ezio decided to take. This is what Ezio deserved.

I wonder what Claudia's story is. Ezio writes to her throughout Revelations, and I've wondered if she is heading the Assassins in Rome while Ezio is in Istanbul. Did she ever get married? When Ezio moves away from this life, does she head things completely? Or was that what he passed on to that assassin at Yusuf's- well, anyway...

Can I just tack on that I did enjoy seeing Masyaf again. I haven't played the first Assassin's creed in YEARS, nearly a decade I think. It was strange seeing Italians wearing 17th century fashion in the 1200s tho...

The feeling of finishing a story I started nearly a decade ago is just... I don't know.

[beetchy-keen]

Okay the glamor of Revelations has faded.

I liked the recruiting mechanic in brotherhood WAY more.

Having me race a bitch? Fuck that. What do yall think you're doing making the player race when we ALL know Ezio's freerunning causes him to fly off in random directions and stick like glue when he shouldn't, especially when you're rushing. You want me to run a giant loop? Okay, fine, but you should have that loop plotted out so me know where we're going.

Also I'm frustrated with the notoriety mechanic. No wanted posters, just hoping that you can find someone to bribe.

This is all feeling like they really wanted the "glory" of brotherhood and instead made it annoying as hell

Leave me alone I'm having a late 20s crisis

[beetchy-keen]

I finished AC Brotherhood today. I feel like I legitimately finished it for the first time, but I'm pretty sure I just forgot it. Uh... okay, unpopular opinion, but I find brotherhood hard to enjoy. It just felt unbalanced and the pacing for some content makes no sense.

The Romulus armor is the first thing that comes to mind. I could be wrong, but I think St Peter's Basilica isn't available until WAY late in the game, and then you end up not having it until after you finish the main plot.

Then there's Leonardo's DLC, which I liked but it had problems. This quest is actually available fairly early, before you meet Leonardo organically in the game, and I think this DLC is suppose to happen after that. It's a little thing but I do wish I was blocked off until the point it would make sense. My problem wasn't really that, it was some of the ridiculous things that you had to do for a full sync, like at one point not suing rooftops, but you're also suppose to remain undetected by these men in narrow streets while tailing a target. That's some BS.

However, I've begun to play Revelations and I LOVE it. This is the one game in the Ezio trilogy I didn't play because I was allowing the synchronizing to get to me. Yall wanna hear something funny? I wasn't 100% because I WAS MISREADING WHAT TO DO. Anyway, I just want to say this game is so beautiful. I love Italy and the aesthetics, but the colors and the lighting are so special in Revelations. And I can just SMELL the frankincense in the assassin's headquarters. I haven't seen any lead women yet, but I do appreciate the women on the street not looking straight outta 2010 in 16th century Turkey.

Now let me talk about Yusuf. I absolutely forgot hoe BEAUTIFUL that man is. I really really feel bad for saying this, but he kinda... outshines Ezio. It could just be that beyond the cinematic clips of Ezio I saw in the intro, he looks rather... faded. The intro was giving daddy and the game is giving dad. Which is fine, I totally get that Ezio is getting up there in this game. I think a part of me is sad about it. I know none of these characters exist but they feel real to me and I don't think that'd ever change.

Anyway... back to Yusuf. Totally my type. Can't wait to see and here more from him. Love hearing Turkish.

[beetchy-keen]

Okay, I have been bitching about AC brotherhood but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact I'm playing with content I didn't have before. And the 100% sync. Sometimes I feel like it's just for the over achievers but it's downright insulting sometimes. Like how dare I think outside the box to solve this problem.

Anyway, I really love the Leonardo DLC, as painful as it was to get through. It is so clear that Salaì and Leonardo are a couple, and Ezio being supportive of it was just too cute. I had seen Salaì before and didn't like his design but he's actually a really pretty boy and I appreciate that they didn't modernize him. His hair fits, his clothes fit, all around he just looks good!

Which bothers me a lot about the women in this game, even the previous one a bit. Women did wear makeup at the time, but it would have been much more natural. Powder, Rouge, Bella Donna for the eyes. Much more of a fresh face. Venetian Ceruse was around, so characters you want more painted you could give white faces.

I understand that the most likely made the women look the way they did to appeal to what was considered attractive in the time the game was released. But seeing a woman with a millennial side-part bang wearing hair ornaments designed for complex and structured styles is just weird. The prostitutes look better than most of the leading women in the sense that they fit the theme, even if their hair and outfits are serving renaissance fair rather than renaissance courtesan.

Claudia and their mother look good.

Caterina Sforza looks good.

As in fitting the theme, even if they still aren't completely period appropriate. Lucrezia is pretty but she's giving The Borgias XXX, and that's fine, but seeing more period appropriate Lucrezia would have been fantastic because she was a legendary beauty.

Oh well.

[beetchy-keen]

I created my family for the high school years expansion pack and it's just too sweet. My youngest sister showing me memes that I probably showed her first, my other sister clearly being a daddy's girl, the dogs acting just as they do...

I went ahead and changed my sim back to a more male presenting one. It just felt like I was erasing a big step in my journey not doing that and I think he's a little cutie!

I also built the house I lived in, except there aren't holes in the floors, the wood hasn't been damaged- basically it's idealized. Floorplan is the exact same tho! During the process I realized just how big our double wide mobile home was! It juat never felt big because everything was always cluttered. (If i were to describe my family overall it is mentally unsound but doing our best. The house matched our minds.) I'm really excited to get to playing. I really want to give teensim-me a really good time, as well as my sister's. I might end up crying doing this haHAAA

[beetchy-keen]

I stand by my opinion when I first played assassin's creed 2: Leonus's tomb is unnecessarily difficult.

The free run controls in the assassin's creed games historically have not been easy for me. If I can take things slow, I will, because I can really control how ezio moves and where he goes. The fact of the matter is the controls are either way too finicky or clunky and fails to use the most obvious path. I find things like running up a wall and kicking sideways extremely difficult and there's a couple of tombs before leonus that pair that with timed trials.

The big difference is there's absolutely no forgiveness in Leonus. To get through it takes two side jumps and I can do the first one, but the second is damn near impossible for me because it's a shield I'm having to do it off of. On my first run this playthrough, I got 3/4 bars needed but because I didn't know where the path continued, I messed up and the timer ran out. The only way to get that last bar is to run the whole course again.

I think I tried 20 times, and clawed at my own forehead in rage because of these damned side jumps. Tonight... I don't think it's going to happen.

This is one of those times where calling myself any sort of gamer sounds like a lie, and I feel like an absolute idiot. These games are made so anyone in the ratings category is able to play through them with a bit of a challenge to keep things fun. So when I'm failing over and over again, or the solution isn't clear to me, I feel incredibly stupid. What is wrong with me? Why didn't I see that 4 fading in and out for a puzzle key? Why can't I freelance with grace and in a timely manner? I guess I got a case of the stupid, that why.

I also have a problem seeing in these games. These last 2 tombs I had to put the brightness all the way up and I'm experiencing disorientation again.

Seriously, what is my fucking problem? I love Ezio and his story so much and I get really bothered that I'm having a hard time getting through it.

[beetchy-keen]

So I've been playing ac2 a lot lately. I've just gotten to the San Marco puzzles, got 3/4 down after a couple errors, but the last one...

So, you have to jump off a window onto a bar, and I'm doing exactly like I need to, and miss every single time. I finally just quit because I really would rather not rage over this. I wish I could see exactly what the game is seeing as my input so I know how to adjust what I'm doing, like in tekken!

I know I can beat the puzzle, I did a long time ago on my ps3, probably with more difficulty than on my switch.

Actually this whole run has gone WAY better than ever before! I find myself enjoying the glyph puzzles now, and the total fucks I give as to keeping stealthy in this game is zero. Like, I'm not above killing guards for a codex page if I can't find hookers or thieves to distract them for me. It'll be a street brawl, but I'll get that codex page and pay off the town crier. Same goes when I'm treasure hunting.

That's actually been a driving force this go around too! Get Monteriggioni upgraded ASAP, collect all feathers, and collect all treasure. I'm really surprised how fast I got Monteriggioni fixed up, and I will clear out an Art Merchant so fast- anyway, I'm having fun, just dealing with a hiccup.

[beetchy-keen]

I love when I wake up at 1 am and see my sister was sending nasty texts just a couple hours ago, expecting me to be awake to act as the mediator between her and the youngest.

Get ready for a long post containing family drama that I needed to get off my chest or I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. This is a rant, please skip over as you see fit.

First of all, this was between her and the youngest, and did not need to be in the group text. Got an issue with the chore that the youngest is assigned to do? Text her and ask. If she doesn't answer fast enough, call her and calmly ask.

Second of all, there was no need to be ugly about it. It was the youngest birthday and she might have slacked a bit, but that only requires a bit of firmness. The youngest may be in her 20s, but we three know she has a disability that makes her like a teenager. My sister and I are the adults here and need to act accordingly.

Thirdly, my sister knows I have an interview tomorrow. She knows that it's critical I get this job, so why would I stay up as late as she does? Seems as counter intuitive as me staying up to write this out, but her text got me mad enough to stay awake, so in the most sibling-love way, fuck her for that. My sleep schedule will not match up to her expectations because I actually enjoy being up early as it works better for my more mom-like role in this house.

What's hilarious is she's expecting me to stay in this house and continue to put up with all this. My plan is to get my bills on track, save up for a deposit and get an apartment as soon as possible. 2-3 bedroom if necessary to give the youngest a less hostile home, maybe rent a house if it's necessary to save the dogs that are actually well behaved from being taken to the pound by my sister. That would wreck her expectation of being paid any sort of rent to help with the bills and probably make home ownership even harder on her, but that's what happens when you lash out at family. I'll always love her, but I'm not inclined to help.

My plan is to give her money to help cover the expenses of paying for my sister and I over the past couple of months, to make things right as well. Also I intend to take over the youngest's expenses so my sister has nothing financial to hold over her head.

You know, I'm just fucking mad because this isn't the youngest's fault in any way. She has become the scapegoat for my sister and her boyfriend because she can't defend herself. It's not her fault her disability makes it harder for her to find work. It's not her fault she consumes groceries intended for others when no one labels or communicates that. Yes, it is on her to keep up with her chores, but like with teenagers she does need to be reminded of what to do, and talked to accordingly, not have someone bitch her out. They haven't come after me like this because my sister is hoping to have someone to watch her house in 3 years, but I've had it.

Maybe in 3 year's time I'd consider moving back into my sister's house when she has to be stationed somewhere else to take care of it. But I'm not gonna tell her that when I leave, she can just look at me like the villain, because I know she's not gonna see that it was her behavior that caused it.

[beetchy-keen]

[beetchy-keen]

Tekken should b all abt him and im tired of living n a world where its not

[beetchy-keen]

So, latest going on in my sims game! Something good.

I have been building like CRAZY. Yesterday I built two... boarding houses? Hotels? I'm not sure what to call them as each person has a room and restroom but the kitchen and common area... lobby? Is on the first floor.

I also have a save that's very assassin's creed inspired, kinda similar concept but I'm thinking they're more like miniature houses rather than rented rooms.

If I could blend the two together to get a dystopian renaissance cyberpunk aesthetic that would be fantastic, but I haven't figured that out yet.

I am very aware of how chaotic that sounds.