beforeigosomewhere

[beforeigosomewhere]

5/25/2024 6:48 PM

Hello, friend.

I bought an ETB and booster packs to open so I can feel happy but it just turned out that I wasted almost 5k just for me to pull nothing but regular shinies and shit.

Pokemon, I hope can read this soon: please hire me as an illustrator for your pokemon cards. This is really making me sad that you only accept American and/or Japanese people to make them.

I just want to quit my day job now and do art.

Why is it so hard to pursue and establish an art career that can make you a living in this country? This sucks.

I remember a conversation with my boss that she told me that Big Boss from the big office has told me that "I have big ambitions and I shouldn't be hurrying up on achieving that..." whatever that is. I think he has heard us talking with his assistant last time while we were gossiping at the water dispenser.

What should I do, friend. This sadness is making me so invaluable and useless, day by day.

Sometimes I just wish that my motorcycle would crash and spare me from that accident, making it a reason for me to quit the agency. I don't know--either that or if I ever get shot by an NPA or a soldier while doing field.

This life sucks. I wish Cosmo and Wanda were real.

[beforeigosomewhere]

02/27/2024 1:08 AM

Hello, friend.

I am currently in a state of "wtf I feel so blank and sad and I am spiraling down to oblivion", and some voices are telling me some words that's keeping me awake at this hour. To find my peace with these annoying voices, I'll write down what's making me crazy at the moment.

My current job is fucking annoying. I am at a government agency and our current status is that we're understaffed (we're just two people manning two municipalities) and the management can't even do something about it.

The office is gonna move soon. I hate picking up dusty stuff.

My boss micromanages me and it's making my head explode.

I want to quit my job because of these reasons (tbh I've been planning to ever since then), but if I'll be, I'll be struggling to find another job that would definitely suit me on my current condition.

I am taking Feliz S. / escitalopram and most of my family don't know that I am currently consuming antidepressants everyday since June 2023. I would like to let them know but I just don't know how would they react, so for now I won't tell them.

I should also tell this to my boss but gossip spreads like wildfire and I don't want that to happen.

If I'll be quitting my current work atm, I would like to find a way to work back to Metro Manila and try my luck there...again.

I want to choose which kind of work should I go but my parents keep on pushing me to stay in a government agency for the pension. Tbh, I actually don't want that. But most of the time, I don't want to work in a government agency again. I wish my parents could've just support me on any job that I would get and let me just do the work/stuff that I want.

I want to quit this December.

My father just kept on throwing me the "kakafood panda mo yan kaya ang laki-laki mo" card last Sunday (even it's evident that I haven't been eating takeouts since 2 months)and that just made my imposter syndrome went off the charts. I don't like it when he does that, it's making me think more that I look hideous. It's making my confidence go low. Good job, Pa.

Do we really need some pension?

Voices said that even you have a lot of friends around you, at the end of the day you just lay down in bed alone and waiting for nothing.

I want to punch a wall right now.

I want to be non-existent for a few weeks.

I have no money.

[beforeigosomewhere]

02/27/2024 12:53 AM

Hello, friend.

If you're currently reading this, either:

1. You are one of my trusted people who knows me so much that I gave you this secret tumbleblog and knows the password because I gave it to you (excitingly);

2. You know me but stumbled upon this and knows the password (you hackerman);

3. I am already dead and finally made time to make this public; and/or

4. You're lucky.

Either way, welcome to my current thoughts. I am writing this right now to try and clear out my mind while I am in the middle of spiraling down into madness, and I feel like I am going to die at any given moment. So, if in case this happens, there are a lot of things I want to say to each and everyone of you by writing it here in this small space in the internet.

I'm going to try and write every person that I have met and made an impact in my life in this little corner, and you--my lovely reader--have a task to do: (1) find them, and (2) tell them what I wrote to them.

Some letters are going to be *wild*, but just tell them that "these are something Hench would like to tell you" and then send it to them. I think that's all.

I don't know how to end this, so I'll just say thank you for being a part of my life, and I am very lucky to have met you.

See you soon,

Hench