behaein

[behaein]

this will be announced with the activity check going up soon, but i will be dropping haein! i have been struggling with her muse for a couple of months, and i finally decided it'd be best to let her go. there's a big chance she'll have returned to america after deciding to end her trainee contract with sr media and moving on from her dream of becoming an idol <3 thank you to everybody who interacted with haein, and you can still find me on chaerin and jueun!!!

[behaein]

it was weird. when haein got the callback from sr media, and she returned to being a trainee, she knew things wouldn't be easy, but she didn't think she'd feel so uneasy. there was never a moment in haein's life where she felt so unconfident, and she wasn't sure how to get out of this slump of hers. for many, this slump probably came a year or two after they began their training period.

unfortunately for her, the years have piled up, and she had begun feeling it a bit earlier here at sr media. however, she wasn't going to give up, which is why she initiated this conversation with yuji to begin with. it was a golden second, almost third, chance she's been given, and she wasn't going to let it go to waste.

"nothing in particular," she says in response before continuing. "i've been focusing on trying out new dance genres and whatnot to try to improve my repertoire, but nothing feels like enough," she confesses with another loud sigh. she had begun trying out new things because everything she's already learned seemed boring for now, but it still felt like she was at a standstill with herself.

"or maybe i just feel like i need a new challenge. should i approach one of the coaches and ask them to give me an assignment or something? i might need some exterior motivation or something," she states with a shrug.

“a support system can be good to help with that mindset,” she offers quietly. “they don’t necessarily need to hear about what you’re going through, but maybe just there to stop those thoughts from getting you,” she reaches a hand up to knock at the side of her temple, cracking a smile.

the more egotistic part of her wants to agree, because yuji is smart, but she’s not quite sure she’s helping haein much with what she’s giving. yuji always felt that mindset is the key– (fueled by spiteful pride, of course) to getting over these hurdles. yuji likes having to shake things up, and even if they feel terrible in the moment, yuji doesn’t mind the moments that make her feel low. that question her worth and her drive and the continued question of why are you even doing this?

but what if she debuts the day after? what if all that sad feeling is whisked away just because she decided to keep pushing forward. that the way is worth it. that everyday she gets better, that every day of practice isn’t wasted because she’s trying.

yuji hums in acknowledgement in response. she does get what she means. “what don’t you think you’re not improving on?” she asks, genuine curiosity in her tone. “is it something in particular?”

[behaein]

haein doubts that sua's really been doing nothing these days, considering she knows how hard of a worker she is, but she decides to take it a face value and give her friend a light pat on the head. "good! then today will be a fun day for both of us!" it's almost amusing how today will be a day of relaxation for herself, but it may be a day for sua to have some excitement if she has hasn't been doing anything.

"yeah, this one's one of the biggest ones i was able to find myself! usually, the arcades i see around will have like one or two games, but this literally has everything you can imagine." okay, she might be exaggerating a little, but she truly does think she hasn't been to a more extravagant arcade than this. "i have made it my goal that i will try almost every game today, so you better be ready." with that, she can't help but laugh at how ridiculous she sounds, but that's what the day will be for. she wanted to be able to have fun without worrying about other things.

"that game is super fun as well!" she comments. "but i definitely think whacking moles is more stress-relieving." she didn't want to worry sua too much, so haein makes a promise to herself to stop talking about her stress. they were here to have fun and not solely knock out all the different thoughts that have been taking over haein's mind the last few weeks. "we should play some air hockey too. i love that one."

when haein invites her out, sua doesn't hesitate to jump at the chance. she feels like she's been working more lately, with the sudden influx of her friends being busy. days she'd spend tuning her guitar for band practice is spent sitting on her couch wasting away. she's so bored lately.

"sure thing," she mumbles, leaning her head against haein's when she tucks it against her shoulder. "i wasn't doing anything." i haven't been doing anything, she doesn't say. art school applications have drained her motivation, and everytime she plays a game her eyes glaze over. mind too preoccupied with other things.

sua blinks at the question. "i've been to arcades before, but..." she trails off, glancing around. she works across the street from one, and that one is a bit more...updated, she guesses. smaller too, with only the most popular choices rotating in and out. "not like this."

she can't help the snort that leaves her at the mention of whack-a-mole. that sounds fun. "i like throwing the baseballs at the clowns." she remembers, cracking a smile. "though if you need to let out some steam, i'd be happy to watch you knock the lights out of a mole or two."

[behaein]

ever since haein's returned to being a trainee, she's come to realize just how different this experience could be depending on the company. her last company was a total wreck now that she looks back at it, and she can't help but feel that it was almost a waste of time seeing how she didn't learn much from it. they really were left to do things on their own.

however, sr media was different. they continued to give the trainees tasks to make sure they improved, and she was thankful for that. it actually felt like she was training this time around. she lets out a hum of agreement before giving nayoung a shrug. "it might be more challenging, but what's a task like this without a bit of challenge, right?"

she nods to signal that she's on the same page as nayoung and goes through the moves with the music. when they're done and her fellow trainee points out that she was wrong, haein can't help but tilt her head in confusion. "hmm?" she watches as nayoung demonstrates the move for her. usually, she's pretty on board with switching things around to make sure she was in sync with somebody else, but she's pretty sure she isn't wrong.

"are you sure? i'm pretty sure the original choreography had the arm moving this way," she commented before showing nayoung the move the way she's been doing it. truthfully, it's not a big deal, but again, haein doesn't think she's wrong, and there's no harm in letting that known, right?

nayoung nods in agreement too. the moves are pretty simple. "we can probably incorporate them however we want, right? the moves they gave us don't have to be consecutive." they also don't have to, though. she imagines their instructor won't look down on them if they execute the choreography exactly as it was given to them and just build other moves around it. "that would be more challenging, though." haein seems like the type to not stray from a challenge either, though.

she realizes she's getting too far ahead of herself. "i'll go start our music," she says, and she does just that, setting the music to play ten seconds before their choreographed section. she settles into a spot next to haein, and stares straight into the mirror, focused.

she thinks she remembers the moves already. she can't be certain she executes them as cleanly as she should, though. she's learned, pretty much since signing to sr media, that there's nothing wrong with something not being perfect the first time.

still, she notices a variance between her and haein's movement near the end of the string of moves, and once their portion of choreography is over, she goes to turn the music off.

"it's this," nayoung demonstrates the step she believes haein got wrong, singing the words to the corresponding part of their track as she does so she knows the particular move she's talking about. "you got it wrong." she doesn't sound accusatory, for once, but she certainly is confident she's right. is she actually? maybe. or maybe not.

[behaein]

˙ ˖ ✧ — @bexsua

"thanks for joining me. i really needed this day off."

with that, haein let out a sigh before slightly leaning her head onto the other's shoulder. ever since she had become a trainee, haein found herself lost in her own thoughts. while she was one step toward her goal, she also found herself feeling sort of stuck. this time around felt a lot different from her last time as a trainee.

maybe it was the mere fact that she was indeed training at a different company, or maybe it was because, this time around, it was pretty apparent that she wasn't the most skilled trainee, but something felt a little suffocating. so when she had asked sua to join her on this sunday outing, she couldn't help but feel relieved when sua had said yes.

"have you ever been to an arcade like this before? there's so much to do, and it's really good for relieving your stress. i don't know how many times i've played wack-a-mole!" haein had suggested the arcade first, and while she did think sua would have fun at the place, it was also because she knew she'd be able to let loose and have fun herself.

[behaein]

usually, haein wasn't afraid of sharing her true thoughts. she believed that there was no harm in letting people inside her mind. it's not like she had anything to hide. however, she was aware that sometimes that wasn't the smartest idea as a trainee. she wasn't accusing yuji of anything, but she knew of a few people in her old company that would've loved to see haein in a vulnerable moment.

with that in mind, she might have kept this concern to herself, but she really was feeling a little lost, and she thinks talking it out with someone would be helpful. from the little interaction she's had with yuji, haein came to the quick conclusion that she didn't seem like the type to use this against her in the future. if she did? then, oh well.

she hums upon hearing yuji's training time, and she can't help but nod because that has been a while. haein thinks yuji's the longest trainee she's spoken to so far. "a support system," haein repeats with a single nod. her family has always been supportive of her, and she knows nobody would blame her if she went to them with her concerns, but she doesn't want to worry anybody.

"sounds smart," she says in response to yuji's advice with a chuckle. "i've been trying my best to keep that in mind." with that, she purses her lips before letting out another sigh. "it's just hard, especially because i don't think i've been seeing much improvement in myself. it's like i'm falling flat, if you know what i mean."

yuji blinks at the other, intaking her reasoning and suppresses the frown that wants to tug at her mouth– especially when haein smiles. an excuse, more than likely– though yuji’s unsure if she should pry further or not. there’s something about the other’s smile that yuji doesn’t like, like the twist of it is off. everything yuji’s seen of haein has been bright, bubbly; she initiated conversation first easily the last time they had interacted.

“right…” yuji trails off, nodding her head, giving the other a sympathetic smile. it still could be true– training is rough somedays. especially now-a-days when it’s been feeling so repetitive as of late. especially for the other, because if yuji remembers correctly, she’s trained previously somewhere else. “i’ve been there.”

yuji doesn’t offer much else of a response, content with just observing haein while she fiddles with her headphones absentmindedly; maybe waiting for something. turns she was right, because haein continues, and yuji almost snorts in amusement. she shifts instead, letting out a soft chuckle in response to haein’s laugh. “i’ve been here a while, yes.” she answers. “over a year now.” and almost a half, if yuji counts the months at lime.

her brow raises at the following question, blinking at the other as she processes. is that what’s got haein so down? for a moment, yuji doesn’t know how to answer. she hums instead, to show that she’s thinking– glancing away. part of her wants to respond with i always believe in myself, because yuji does, for the most part. but she’s sure that isn’t what haein wants to hear, nor will it help her.

“it’s…all about the mindset, isn’t it?” yuji says after a moment of silence. “i tend to get lost in my head, too. i overthink, a lot. more than you think. that’s usually when i feel like i’m struggling the most– and i usually just…end up asking myself why am i doing this?” she explains. “if i feel this way about it, then why am i even trying? those sort of things.” it doesn’t always help. sometimes yuji feels that way for days, until she’s able to think about something else. “if i think my reasoning is enough, that a few bad days are worth it– then i just…move past it.” one shoulder shrugs. “it helps to have people around you. a support system– because we can’t always trust ourselves, right?” a shadow of a smile crosses her face. “we tend to be our biggest critics.”

[behaein]

˙ ˖ ✧ — TAKE A CHANCE 002 aka, haein is told to take special lessons for a week.

when haein was first approached by one of the coaches, she had thought she was getting in trouble. that was mostly the case in her last company, and so she was ready for the worst. her mind had even jumped to buying a plane ticket to america in the case that they were here to tell her that they were cutting the contract they had with her.

so when the coach had a different kind of news, she couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. special lessons almost sounded like a breath of fresh air at this point, even if it meant she was lacking in something. she simply nodded at the trainer's words and took a look at her updated training schedule. it would feel different, but she was glad to have something new to do.

/

the lessons mostly had her focusing on the skills she was lacking in. it was pretty evident that her strongest skill was dancing, so the trainers for the special lessons had her working on her vocals and rapping. haein's not entirely sure if she will ever emerge as a rapper, but she's guessing they wanted her to be somewhat of an all-rounder, so she didn't argue and just went with whatever they wanted her to do.

truthfully, she missed getting to dance, but she understood where the company was coming from. excelling in one skill is nice, but it seemed like the trend in the industry these days was to be good at everything. rapping was still a little difficult, and they didn't have her writing her own lyrics or whatever, but she thinks that her flow has definitely improved.

and haein was never a poor vocalist, but the trainers made sure to let her in on some more tips that will help her down the road. during these lessons, she couldn't help but wonder if this was a good or bad sign. were they preparing her for a possible debut? or did they think she was so bad that they needed to see if she would improve?

whatever the reason may be, she was glad she got the chance to partake in these lessons. the things she learned within the past week would be something she'll always have with her.

[behaein]

during the morning check-in, a coach you don’t often work with pulls you aside for a private conversation. this particular coach has a reputation for their serious demeanor and for a moment, you might wonder if you’re getting in trouble for something. however, any thoughts of accepting your reprimanding are quickly squashed when they speak.

“as your trainers, it’s our responsibility to bring out your full potential as a performer,” he speaks in a clear, almost monotonous tone; maybe he’s too serious after all. “and part of that responsibility is challenging you to do things out of the ordinary. we’re trying to find where you might fit into the company’s future plans.”

“for the next week, please attend solo workshop classes for your afternoon special lessons. you’ve already been signed up by the staff and we’ll be expecting to see you in class on monday.”

the coach fixes you with a rather stern look, as if you were in trouble rather than being directed to a specific path on your training journey, at least for the next week. “this is not necessarily a reflection of what the company has planned for you, to be clear,” he warns, “but a way to help grow your skills and repertoire so that you can be prepared for whatever the future may hold. please attend the next week of lessons diligently.”

with no more to say, the stern coach dismisses you back into the crowd of trainees. you see him stop and speak to a few other trainees as well, supposedly recruiting others to this week-long solo performance course.

OOC:

thank you for redeeming your chance token! your muse now has 3 chance tokens remaining.

please post this prompt (even without a response) within a week of receiving it. the point changes from the prompt must be applied to your points sheet even if you do not write a response.

INSTRUCTIONS: 

respond to this prompt with a solo of any length about your muse’s reaction or their experience taking the solo performance class.

no form is necessary to submit to the points verification blog, but please publish this submission and link to this post on your points sheet.

please tag this post and your solo (if posted separately) with #be:takeachance.

POINTS RECEIVED:+5 to be distributed to performance skills (sing, dance rap)+3 solo performance

POINTS LOST: none! 

[behaein]

"three," she says once more to emphasize the journey she's been on. "here's to hoping that the phrase is true for me as well." with that, she crosses her fingers and shows it to jinyoung, a chuckle leaving her lips. if this didn't work out for her, haein would most likely be on a plane back to america. what she'd do after that, she didn't know and didn't want to think about.

there's a lot that's said within the short silence that falls between their conversation. she thinks back to the hours they spent at dance studios and suddenly seeing jinyoung at axis feels a little too surreal once more. "yeah, the sudden sunlight was definitely something i had to adjust to as well," she says with a snort before lightly shaking her head.

haein doesn't know how long it'll take, but she has a bit more faith in herself this time. her first company was a total scam now that she looks back at it, and she most likely just wasn't prepared enough for next gen. however, she thinks she's in a position where she's more comfortable pushing herself to achieve this goal. "so, is the food here any good, or will i have to run to a convenience store to handle my meals?" she switches up the conversation in hopes that these rush of new emotions don't overwhelm her too much.

he laughs, pleased with himself for getting under haein's skin enough that she lapses into another language for a brief spell. jinyoung feels some sort of sense of accomplishment out of it— and maybe also relief that he doesn't have to defer to haein with the respect that she probably actually deserves. he thinks it's more fun this way anyway.

"wait— three?" haein explains quickly enough that there was another company involved with her journey sometime before she and jinyoung had ever crossed paths, but that doesn't stop him from exclaiming his surprise for everyone to hear. "well, i guess you know what they say about third times and charms," he shrugs, though he is quite happy for the girl. the both of them deserved to get a break eventually; jinyoung can admit that he's pleased that it ended up this way for both of them.

the smile on jinyoung's face softens, turns a little nostalgic and sentimental, in a sense. haein seems to understand what he's saying despite his poor attempts to describe it. likewise, he thinks he understands her. it's imperfect, it's hard to describe, and yet somehow they both get it. he's dreamed about being here for half of his life. now that he made it, it's all he wanted and more. there's still a long way to go before meeting his ultimate goal, but every day is a step forward now.

"practice rooms with windows was a hard adjustment, actually," he jokes; it was not hard at all and was a very welcome change of scenery in reality. "i'm not used to being blinded during practice, you know? i thought i became allergic to sunlight after all these years in basements." he laughs, genuinely jovial at the situation. "there's parts i think i'll miss. but then i remember how much better things are here."

[behaein]

haein quickly shakes her head at the idea of jinyoung calling her anything beside her name. while she would have loved to tease him, the idea of being anything but a fellow trainee here was odd to her, especially after what she saw at her old company. "god, no. that's gross." the last part comes out in english instead as she scrunches her nose up with another shake of her head.

"technically, i would have counted this as my third try. the first was with the company that brought me to korea, second was next gen," she has to stop herself to shudder because the memories of that still brought some chills up her back, "and now this. i wouldn't say it would have been easy to give up, but i might have," she admits with a shrug, nudging his arm off of her at the same time. haein says this all lightheartedly now, but to be completely honest, she does think she would have just flown home if this chance didn't come to her.

she's already spent so many years trying this whole idol thing out. if it didn't work out this time, she would've decided that she just wasn't meant to go down this road. she can't help but let out another chuckle at how confident jinyoung sounds, but she appreciates his own efforts at trying to comfort her.

"i get it," is all she says before she looks up at jinyoung and gives him a single nod. "this feels more like me as well." haein's not sure if she's getting her point across, but she feels a lot more comfortable here at sr media than she did back at her old company. "the shiny lights definitely help too, if you ask me. so much flashier than all those basement studios we used to be in." she says that, but she knows there's a sudden nostalgia about all those dance studios that stick around for people like her and jinyoung.

"wait, your second attempt?" any thoughts of getting haein back for teasing him about his looks (which he knows, objectively, are something to write home about) disappears as soon as a bit of new backstory is unlocked. he realizes, very belatedly, how little he knows about he woman he considers a friend. though admittedly, it takes very little for jinyoung to consider anyone a friend.

he eyes haein with a different appraisal in his eye; perhaps he does view her a little differently knowing that she has more experience than he ever knew. "should i call you sunbae?" his tone is light, mostly joking. but he supposes if haein says yes, then he'll be forced to oblige.

"aw, c'mon," he slings an arm around the woman's shoulders, chummy despite the meager history between them. "you really would have given up that easily? do you have any idea how many auditions i failed to get here? an embarrassing amount, actually. it turns out that this face doesn't give me a free-pass into the entertainment world." he can admit he would be disappointed to know that haein gave up, if the universe had dictated that. jinyoung thinks that it's good that things worked out the way they did.

"the floors are great," jinyoung falls for the change in conversation quickly and easily, never one to dwell on negative feelings especially those that do not belong to him. "i mean, i wouldn't say that i'm at home, it's still all so new to me. but it's like... this is where i should have been. if that makes sense." he shrugs; he has no idea how to explain the abstract feelings he has about this whole trainee contract thing.

[behaein]

the one thing that she had always been proud of was her neverending confidence in herself. she was the type of person who could fall seven times and get up eight without any doubts. however, that mindset of hers has been wavering over the past few weeks. actually, it's been wavering ever since she got her second chance here at sr media because the last thing she wants is this second chance ending in failure and it becoming her last chance.

she tries her best to suppress the sigh that is close to leaving her lips, covering it up with a shaky smile instead. "oh, you know. i was up pretty late last night practicing." it's not a complete lie, but it's not the whole truth either. yes, she was tired from practicing late into the night, but she was also just caught up in her own thoughts. yet, she doesn't want to spill her heart out to yuji when they were still only getting to know one another. the most haein's ever spoken to her was back during the songwriting bootcamp and even then, most of the conversation centered around the lesson they took together. she doubts yuji wants to hear all about her struggles.

however, haein can't help but find comfort in the way yuji looks at her. there's a sort of warmth, and she thinks yuji's a safe person to speak to. "well, actually, yeah. i've been swimming in my own thoughts for weeks," she confesses with a nervous laugh to cover up her uneasy mindset. "you've been training for long, yeah?" while she doesn't know exactly how long yuji's been around, there was something about her that just screamed she was more of a senior trainee. "what do you do when you're struggling to believe in yourself?"

yuji’s attention is on her phone, feet taking her down the familiar hallway she’s walked over a hundred times now. she’s got one headphone in, focusing on switching playlists. every couple seconds, she glances up to ensure she isn’t about to clip someone– but it’s only a little of her attention.

so when she glances up after a moment, processing the footsteps in her headphoneless ear– she nearly jolts in shock at seeing haein close, only to jolt as they bump into one another. yuji freezes, stiff and frozen— some parts shocked and some parts embarrassed.

haein’s speaking before she can properly open her mouth, yuji blinking at her and watching her expression shift and change in the time she starts speaking til when she ends. firstly, she notes that haein takes the blame– but yuji is definitely sure she’s part of the reason, anyway. secondly, she notes that her mood seems significantly a lot more subdued than the last time they had spoken in depth.

yuji observes her for a moment, quiet, before shaking her head. “it’s okay,” she assures easily. “i was looking at my phone, so i’m sure i’m just as guilty.” her fingers flex around it instinctively, yuji biting at the inside of her cheek as she studies the other girl. she could ask– yuji does want to ask. she can’t help but be nosy. “lost in your thoughts?” she inquires.

[behaein]

haein can't recall the exact moment when she began choreographing her own dances. it might have been back when she was a trainee at her old company, and she found that some of the routines that their trainers had the girls copying have gotten boring. or maybe it was when she started taking dance lessons from people outside of the company, and she realized that there was so much more that could be incorporated into a choreography.

nevertheless, it has now become a norm for her to try to self-choreograph most of her routines. haein wouldn't say she's some sort of master nor would she ever insist that others follow her choreos, but she finds the whole experience to be a lot of fun, and she could see herself improving with every routine she ends up finishing.

however, she doesn't have much experience working with other people, which is why she finds this a bit more challenging than she expected. she nods at nayoung's suggestion before humming the snippet of the song the trainers have given them, replaying the given choreo in her head before moving through it in her mind.

"the moves they gave us were pretty simple, so i think once we get that in sync, we can move on to filling in those gaps," she suggested toward the other with a simple nod and smile. while haein was a pretty serious trainee herself, she thinks there's constantly a blaze of fire surrounding nayoung. she assumes it's a mix of passion, ambition and pressure, but she doesn't speak on it because who's she to be making judgements about someone else, right? if that's how nayoung motivated herself to keep up with the tough trainee experience, then all hats off to her.

* ❁┆move

nayoung never really thought she would be the creative type. after all, she thought the songwriting camp was stupid. they have professional songwriters and choreographers for a reason; what was the point of her learning how to do either when she could focus on refining her other skills?

maybe that stupid camp did inspire something in her, though, or maybe it was just one of her coaches suggesting she try choreographing that got her into it. she's still not a very creative person. choreographing is hard, but nayoung has always loved a challenge and she understands how learning to choreograph can make her a better dancer. at the very least, being able to choreograph makes her look and sound like a better dancer, and that matters to her.

today, she faces her biggest challenge yet: duo choreography. not only that, but duo choreography with haein. she gets why they're doing it. she and haein are both good dancers. they have similar skillsets, really, which is part of what makes working with her worse. will there really be room for both of them in sr media's next girl group? she isn't sure.

all that matters for now is this current project, though. their coaches gave them a song – a minute snippet of one, really – and a bit of choreography to already work with. they have to fill the rest of the space with their own ideas, and report back to their instructor by tomorrow. he said it's okay if it's not perfect, but to nayoung, it's not. it has to be good, and if haein doesn't share that mindset, they're probably going to have problems.

"let's run through it with just the bit of choreography they gave us first. we should make sure we have those moves memorized so we can get an idea of what the choreography as a whole should feel like," she suggests. it's not really a suggestion, but it's also not quite a demand or an order; something in between.

❁┆@behaein

[behaein]

it had become pretty clear the moment haein got a second chance at being a trainee that she was going to have to step up talent-wise if she wanted to actually succeed, and that's exactly what she wanted to do. no, she needed for it to happen now because if she didn't then all of this would feel like another waste of time. unfortunately, she didn't have as much time to waste anymore, which is why she had pushed herself to sign up for a bunch of different lessons.

"yeah, i've been dancing for a while." truth be told, haein's not entirely sure where she should begin her dancing experience. does dancing in front of the television when she was three count? or should she count the beginning as when she was a cheerleader back in junior high? because everybody knows those routines were pretty basic.

giving the other a shrug, she offers a slight chuckle before looking back at the instructor in front who was still telling everybody to warm up their bodies. "i've only been seriously dancing for about five? years now?" she sounds unsure herself, considering that haein can't recall if she's actually gotten any sort of lessons back at her old company. it was a lot of self-teaching, if she had to be honest. "how about you? you kind of vibe as a dancer to me," she says with another soft laugh.

minjae wished she had at least half the enthusiasm of that girl when she spoke about dancing. truth be told, she didn’t remember feeling that way even when it came to figure skating. maybe it was just her personality — naturally, minjae tended to be an extrovert, but with a much lower dose of optimism and positivity that she showed other people —, but for most of her life it’d been difficult to distinguish between a passion and a job. she’d pursued her talent for figure skating with suffocating perfectionism, one that, even though she loved being on the ice, kept her from truly enjoying it in the same carefree way most would at her age. dancing had been for the most part a replacement of that, something she was good at and that she liked enough to want to turn it into a career one day. but did she love it the same way that girl seemed to? maybe — or maybe not yet.

« hip hop is… interesting. quite a challenge compared to what i’m used to. i come from figure skating so, that’s a bit different. but i have to say i’m having fun with it. » it was probably the genre that allowed her to have more freedom when making choreographies, and it also allowed her to express a more tomboy side of her personality that often disappeared when she performed at the club in much more feminine moves — or whatever that meant, anyway. min’d always thought stereotypes to be quite dumb. modern dance often came a lot easier to her, considering her background, but sometimes it could make her bored to death — that was how she’d ended up looking for different styles, like hip hop or locking. « have you been dancing for long? » she asked the other, ultimately as a way to keep the conversation going while they waited for the class to start.

[behaein]

haein's winter playlist (cr.)

[behaein]

˙ ˖ ✧ — @beyuji

it was never like haein to be super careful.

she was always the type of person who acted on her emotions and wasn't afraid of letting people know her thoughts. that bled into her life as a trainee as well, and she recalls doing her best to befriend every one of the trainees back in her old company and well, that didn't end up too well for her.

that's why, this time around, she was determined not to mess anything up. haein's learned that this wasn't a place to make friends, though it dreaded her that she couldn't be best friends with everyone, and that she was here to prove something to the trainers and whatnot. she had to show people that she was worth debuting, and she wanted to get everything right this time.

nevertheless, having to partially hide who she was has been eating her alive. all she wanted to do was bounce off the walls and talk to everybody she saw in the hallways all while improving on her skills. perhaps that's why she looks a little off and not like herself. well, she definitely doesn't look like how she used to back on next gen—but also, remember how that ended up?

she's been so caught up in her own thoughts and worries that she doesn't even realized that she's bumped into yuji. "oh, sorry!" she exclaims before clearing her throat and repeating the apology, but this time in a quieter voice. she can't say she knows yuji very well, but she's seen the other around and they had interacted during the songwriting camp. "i wasn't paying attention my surroundings."

[behaein]

˙ ˖ ✧ — SELF PARA. aka, how haein spends this seollal alone in korea.

despite raising their children in america, the oh's always made sure that the family had the full korean experience. that included celebrating holidays, such as chuseok and seollal. thus, to say that haein was experienced in this specific holiday wouldn't be an understatement.

however, she didn't realize how big of a holiday this truly was until she actually got to korea. stores were all closed down, minus the big department stores and whatnot, and it seemed like the streets were completely dead. her aunt, of course, was working during the holiday like the workaholic she was, which left haein to spend most of the days alone.

now she enjoyed being able to have a break from everything that was going on, but she couldn't help but feel a little lonely as well. there were some other gyopo friends she could spend the holidays with, but she's been distancing herself from them ever since she became a trainee. they were a little riskier and wilder than what would be expected from an idol, and she just knew they would be drinking and partying during the holidays, so she told them she had other plans.

the plans, however, did not consist of much. she was marathoning whatever was playing on tv—there were a bunch of movies she wasn't totally interested in—and she got some delivery food from the few stores that were open. it had her thinking that this is probably how a lot of young adults who lived alone with no family to visit did during this time of the year.

for a moment, haein contemplated going out on a walk on her own or maybe even going shopping, but she imagined it would make her a little sad. after all, she'd still be alone so might as well just be alone in the comforts of her own home. well, her aunt's home.

it's not like she did anything extravagant back in america either, but at least she had her family with her, even if it meant trying to get more money than her brothers when they bowed to their parents. although she hated to admit it, she kind of missed them and their annoying asses.

letting out a chuckle at the memory, she turned back to the tv in front of her and whatever movie was playing and tried her best to push that thought out of her head. it'd be no help anyway.