bellasnightrose

[bellasnightrose]

I was doing some research on SOD. It explains alot why I'm always sleepy, tired and drained. I sleep alot. It also explains the weight gain. Now that I know what exactly caused it. I can see what I could do about that, I can't cure the disease but I can do what I can about my health.

Don't go harassing another person who's small or big. You have no idea what health issues they have. Think before you say anything rude, be supportive.

[bellasnightrose]

So the troll is back at it with her hate and jealousy again. I posted more photos on fubar, I'm done hiding, I'm just going to be me and be happy. Go ahead post screenshots, you just look like a insecure jealous old troll anyway. With the compliments and support I have. You don't stand a chance, so quit now before you embarrass yourself. I have never lied about my weight. I've never always weighed over 200lbs. I used to weigh under 160lbs when I was younger. What am I lying about? Wow people and their stupidity. Thanks though for motivating me. Keep being jealous. I have so much more coming for you to be jealous about lol

Here's a screenshot of her Instagram:

[bellasnightrose]

That video/audio clip is of my ex friend. I was in the city visiting and I didn't have alot of time to visit everyone, I was trying to make plans to meet with her and work around her schedule. I told her that she needs to make an effort too to make plans with me, she said that I'm supposed to make plans after all I'm the one visiting. That's not how it works. My friends and family despise her. But only tolerated her for my sake. My brother warned me of her, and he planned my daughters 2nd birthday, she got upset that she was not invited. I had no say to anything, regarding my daughters birthday party. She wanted to make plans, I was trying to as well. But she didn't respond to my message about what day works for her. All she was doing is bitching about how she wasn't invited Yada Yada. Then on her FB she had posted a status regarding me. I called her out on it and I told her that the world does not revolve around her, I don't always get to see everyone when I visit. I see my family, my fiancees dad and sisters, his aunts. I only have two weeks or so do all this. It's really tiring riding the public bus with two kids in a double stroller all the time. I am lucky if I get to see my best friend, but she's been there right beside me since my daughter was born, in the delivery room through all the labour. So yes she is included in birthdays and what not. I told her that I couldn't do this anymore, these games she plays and that she has not changed. This is the 4th time that she's doing this, and I told myself if she ever does this that I am eliminating them from my life completely, no toxic people in my life. I blocked her via text and all social media, I didn't want to hear anymore from her. So she calls me blocked. I never answered as I was napping with kids. She leaves me a voice-mail. Which is what that link is. She stooped so low and degraded me. I bent backwards to help her, I looked agyer her son when she was being evicted from her apartment, while she was looking to find a place to live, I did this on my days off. I was her respite worker. She told me ahe had no money for food for her son. Again on my day off and on pay day I took her grocery shopping, to get what she needed. I spent most of my days off with her. Then she has the nerve to tell me that I'm no good, and degrade me? She's not perfect but she likes to brag about her life to others. She was in my shoes on welfare a few years ago. So the nerve of her to belittle me the way she did. I love my children very much. They are who they made me today. Because of them I am.a better person, I never have forgave people but I do. I give people alot of chances, but I have given her way too many.

The story goes on... but maybe another time.

[bellasnightrose]

A little about me. I have anxiety, I had social anxiety when I was a child, I was extremely shy, still am. I have not had this much anxiety before. It limits me to do certain things, I can't even order pizza on the phone, I do not work, I cannot work in public. I have days where I do not talk to anyone not even my family.

I have major trust issues with people, my past exs abused me, physically and emotionally. I've bent backwards for people to help them and they treat me badly, and make it seem like I'm the bad person, and degrade me. I was posted on a degrading gossip site 4 or 5 times because dont like how I look. Some have told me to go off myself because I'm so ugly and fat. I think alot of my anxiety too comes from the way I was raised, my dad is super strict, expected us kids to be perfect, and you couldn't make mistakes. I also was not exposed to certain things such as the water deep water, I am very afraid of deep water. I'm also terrified of birds. It goes on. So alot of it was how I was raised. I have a really hard time of letting things go, people who have been toxic to me, the way they treated me still haunts me, and what they say or think for me I still worry about it. I want to be free, I don't want to care what people think of me, but for someone like me it's really hard. It took me awhile to let go of my ex and stop checking his social media. Its embarrassing. I forgave him for the sake of my sanity and myself but I have not forgiven him for what he's done to me, and I never will. But I had to let go.

I also was born with a condition called septo-optic dysplasia. A disorder of early brain development. Although its signs and symptoms vary, this condition is traditionally defined by three characteristic features: underdevelopment (hypoplasia) of the optic nerves, abnormal formation of structures along the midline of the brain, and pituitary hypoplasia. Symptoms can range from mild visual impairment to complete loss of vision. The midline of my brain is missing.

I also have a lazy eye, which could be connected to SOD. I seen a neurologist and he had informed me that decades from now I could be blind. Which scared me but who knows, I could have passed on by then.

The condition that I have is rare. It's scary but apparently I can live a normal life with it, and can be very intelligent.

I am sorry to everyone, the way I am. It's not that I don't want to talk, or perhaps dont play games. I do, it's just difficult. My mind wanders, and there are times out of the blue I will burst into tears. If I come across rude in anyway, don't take it personally, and it doesn't excuse my behavior. I apologize now if it ever happens, I'm a good person.

I am seeking therapy for my anxiety, before the last resort of medication my doctor suggested. Please bare with me as I am trying to figure myself out and be better.

[bellasnightrose]

STEP 11:

After you saved your MTU number, enter 700 or 800.

STEP 12:

Proxy Server: Do not use

STEP 13:

Test your internet connection. Remember you can't do missions or such as your MTU settings changed, you need to have someone else in the session you created, and go back to change your MTU settings back to normal and get an invite back to session, or you'll get booted off into another session all alone everytime you try a mission.

[bellasnightrose]

STEP 1:

Go to settings

STEP 2:

Go to Network

STEP 3:

Set up internet conncection

STEP 4:

I use LAN Cable but if you use WiFi go to WiFi.

STEP 5:

Go to custom

STEP 6:

Select automatic

STEP 7:

Select do not specify

STEP 8:

DNS: Select Automatic

STEP 9:

Select Manual

STEP 10:

Remember the numbers in your MTU settings to set it back to normal.

[bellasnightrose]

Well today was a good day, girls had ice cream with us, Riley couldn’t as he still is lactose. His tummy was hurting from the eggs and cheese this morning. He threw it up. So I said okay no more dairy for you, lactose free it is. We got the kids a water table and a t-ball set.

[bellasnightrose]

I’ve had tumblr for awhile but I keep forgetting my username. It is rather annoying. I’m terrible for that lol

[bellasnightrose]

Hey all, today well technically yesterday I went to the store with my kids, then they had a nap, went with my mom to the store. Got me some new shoes, new purse and some tops. Then came back and just relaxed with the kids and my parents. Tomorrow going to view an apartment with my brother. Hope we find something by summer.