bellum-diam

[bellum-diam]

I wake up and think ‘I wonder what the day’s going to be like’ and the day says ‘oh okay you’re awake. blood blood blood blood’ and I’m like aw damn

[bellum-diam]

I can't keep track of the record number of exes in this game so I made myself a chart, enjoy

[bellum-diam]

[bellum-diam]

I wake up and think ‘I wonder what the day’s going to be like’ and the day says ‘oh okay you’re awake. blood blood blood blood’ and I’m like aw damn

[bellum-diam]

during my math test today the topic was finance and I accidentally wrote loam instead of loan. made me giggle. me and my personal #loam

[bellum-diam]

Overheard some transphobic ideas being tossed around today so let’s repeat: nonbinary people exist and people’s pronouns are valid. Just because you knew someone before they transitioned doesn’t give you the right to misgender them when you talk about them. Being trans isn’t ‘abnormal’. If you think you’d disown your relatives for being trans and/or nonbinary, maybe you need to reevaluate yourself.

[bellum-diam]

I wake up and think ‘I wonder what the day’s going to be like’ and the day says ‘oh okay you’re awake. blood blood blood blood’ and I’m like aw damn

[bellum-diam]

oh boy do I feel a hankering for some despotic actions right now

[bellum-diam]

can’t believe this bullshit </3 on pride month too

[bellum-diam]

I wake up and think ‘I wonder what the day’s going to be like’ and the day says ‘oh okay you’re awake. blood blood blood blood’ and I’m like aw damn

[bellum-diam]

what they don’t tell you at conductor’s school is that no musician is immune to imagery, they’re poets at heart

once my conductor at a music camp stopped us halfway through the piece and said, ‘guys, I want your timbre to be warm like molten honey. I want this room to feel like there’s a fireplace and I’ve got a cup of warm cocoa in my hands, alright? now let’s go from bar 5 again’

and it fucking worked

[bellum-diam]

I think Ovid was getting somewhere when his retelling of Icarus and Daedalus implied that both of them got locked in the tower when Icarus was a kid. Young, tiny Icarus running around his father’s legs and disrupting his work. (lūsūque suō mīrābile patria impediēbat opus, ‘and with his play he was hindering the wonderous work of his father.’)

Small Icarus, not even up to his father’s hip, poking around the wax with his fingers, moulding it. (flavam modo pollice cēram mollībat, ‘now he was softening the yellow wax with his thumb.’)

The boy Icarus (puer Īcarus), chasing after the feathers his father collected from the seabirds because they look pretty dancing in the wind. (quās vaga mōverat aura, captābat plūmās, ‘he was snatching feathers which a wandering breeze had moved.’) Icarus, growing up in a tower on the shore with his father, unaware he was playing with the wings that would kill him one day. (ignārus sua sē tractāre perīcla, ‘not knowing that he was handling things dangerous to him.’)

In those years, he was just a child, grinning wide with all his teeth. (ōre renīdentī modo, ‘now with a shining grin.’)

[bellum-diam]

hot girl summer has long passed we’re in miserable bitch winter

[bellum-diam]

the ladies call me the subjunctive mood the way I express desire, wishes, uncertainty, doubt and fear

[bellum-diam]

Insane that more people don’t talk about how musicians communicate through body language. Bands do it on stage all the time, leaning towards each other, looking at one another.

Orchestras and concert bands do it too. I play trombone myself, and when you’re in a row you can see the slides of your fellow trombonists out of the corner of your eye. There’s indications there: deliberate exaggerated inclines or lifting of trombone slides to let your standmate know when a rehearsal mark is, or a cue to come in when they’ve lost their spot on the sheet music.

It’s the little things. Breathing in louder and lifting your shoulders, raising your instrument higher, stamping your foot slightly to the beat of the conductor. It’s helping each other out.

[bellum-diam]

When I was doing ballet as a kid, I had this rivalry with one of my classmates. We’d compete over getting praise from our instructor. Our class would finish a set and we’d stand there in first position while our teacher complimented her on her pliés, then she’d glance over to me and smirk ever so slightly. I would gasp internally at the audacity, probably thinking about all the ways I would one-up her next time.

We’d subtly compete over who got the solo bit of choreography, and I’d celebrate in my head whenever I was praised by the instructor because it meant I was ahead of her, improving. Despite this, I respected her a lot, we pushed each other to do better, it was a beautiful, unstated rivalry.

But uh, now that I look back on that, I’m 70% sure our rivalry was completely one-sided, I don’t actually think she knew I thought of us as rivals. I’m pretty sure I was making that up in my head and she just thought we were good friends

[bellum-diam]

Threskiornis ibis