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THE WHEEL OF TIME | S3E04 "The Road to the Spear"

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Once he’d helped Alec quiet down the gang for the morning briefing, a task made a lot easier without the presence of Rose and Adrian, Benji took his place back beside Juliet, still refusing to look in her direction. Unfortunately, Alec had decided to make their training partnership more permanent as the program developed, the Shadowhunter proud of their progress so far; and as dutiful as ever, neither had said a word against the idea. Neither had dared, because that meant explaining why the pairing didn’t work, and that wasn’t something either were ready to acknowledge. So, the cycle of torture continued, Benji’s devastation only growing the more interaction they shared. But despite himself, he knew it was better than no interaction at all.

Hands clasped behind his back, posture stiff, Benji appeared to listen to Alec’s every word, seemingly attentive. But in truth, he was working on his breathing, attempting to get himself into a meditative state, or as close to one as he could manage. He’d discovered a combination of faith and focus was the only way he could make it through his training sessions with her, but it took some time to completely surrender over to. Fortunately, he knew the briefing and expectations well, having worked with the Lightwoods to set the assignments in the first place, and could now wholly focus on lowering his respiratory rate. He was halfway through reciting a Russian prayer in his mind, feeling the slowness of his breath, when the smell of smoke hit his nostrils. Having dulled his senses, it took Benjamin a moment to make the connection, but Adrian’s smug voice dispelled any mystery.

Immediately, Benjamin’s jaw tightened, feeling the tension he’d just worked on draining away return to his muscles. If the Moroi had just slipped in quietly, actually shown some respect for the process for once in his life, perhaps the dhampir could have let things slide. But Adrian seemed intent on causing drama wherever he went. Already, Benji was planning on chewing him out, though he did muster enough patience to think his wording through first. Perhaps it was better left for the Lightwoods to deal with. The Moroi were his superiors, after all. But to everybody’s surprise, Juliet herself piped up.

As always, her voice sent electricity through him, the sound a reminder of her presence right beside him. He would’ve become consumed by the sensation had he not noticed the biting edge in her voice, an impatience that went beyond mere irritation. Although he felt the same upon hearing Adrian’s sarcasm, he felt concern for her, wondering what the source of her frustration was and how he could solve it. The answer should’ve been obvious, but he rarely spared a thought for himself, all protective instinct and dutiful follower. His frown grew, wondering what signs he’d missed, when Adrian provided the answer for him. Hearing his name, Benjamin’s head snapped up to look at the royal.

He almost couldn’t believe it. The elementalist seemed more alert than Benji had ever seen him. How could he have been so callous? Seeing the grin, the dhampir’s eyes narrowed, feeling the anger shoot through his limbs immediately, his fists following suit. Embarrassment and rage cycled his veins, heartache that the fracture between him and Juliet was so obvious to everyone else, fury that it had been dragged out into the limelight without either of their permissions. Suddenly, nothing seemed more important than wiping the grin off the Moroi’s face. He took a step in the man’s direction, only for Eddie to quickly intervene. Right then, respect for his fellow dhampir was the one sole thing stopping Benji from smashing Adrian’s face in. Eddie was his guardian, and he’d done the right thing by de-escalating. Benji continued to battle with reason, fingers aching with how tightly they were curled, but he attempted to breathe. He could come back from this, pull himself back from the knife’s edge, so long as the Moroi behaved. But Eddie had given him too easy of an out.

“— No,” Benji interrupted immediately, the edge in his voice dangerous. “He should stay.” If the man weren’t a Moroi, he would’ve made it an order, but unfortunately, he had no real jurisdiction. Still, he wouldn’t be letting him off that easily, not after he’d taken aim at Juliet, had made their issues so public. Only, this time his voice had lost its malice, replaced by condescension. Two could play at this game. “I mean, you’ve finally shown up. You’ve come here to work, haven’t you? To put in some actual effort? To show your guardian some respect? It’s a good thing.” His smirk was suppressed, but barely, his eyes not leaving the Moroi’s. “A sign of progress. I mean, I can’t recall the last time I’ve ever seen you sober. Seems like we’re all finally getting to meet the real Adrian Ivashkov.”

Juliet had noticed Adrian’s arrival before he’d even entered the room, the scent of clove cigarettes suddenly overpowering her nose. Annoyance flared within her, disconnecting her focus from Alec’s opening speech. They often met as a group before splitting off into their paired training sessions, and although it was merely a formality, Juliet still found the routine important. A few moments passed before the others caught up with her enhanced sense of smell, but their expressions soon matched her own when Adrian strolled through the door, appearing nonchalant. To her own surprise, Juliet spoke up on behalf of everyone, her harsh tone influenced by hunger and the general emotional strain of Benji’s presence beside her. “You cannot be serious. Put that out.”

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Abbott Elementary (2021—) Science Fair (S04E13)

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Grimm —2.02, The Kiss

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With all that had gone down a few days' prior, Benji was unsurprised to receive the message from Alec that training had been postponed. Things had been left in a mess, the dhampir largely to blame for that considering his abrupt departure from the centre. He'd left nearly all of his relationships in tatters, not to mention his reputation, and nobody had been better off for it. Eli had endangered himself, Eddie had lost faith in him, the Lightwoods had been disrespected, and his dynamic with Juliet had only grown more agonising, with Adrian dragging their complex relationship out into the public eye. And all of it, every single part of it, had been his fault.

The events that day kept playing out over and over in his mind, Benji tortured with the results of his own behaviour. He'd been careless, reactionary, guided only by emotion, everything he'd been raised not to be. He'd not only betrayed himself, the Moroi and his fellow guardians, but he'd betrayed his teachings and the duty they held sacred. For somebody as dedicated as him, the realisation had been harrowing. He'd spent days in the multifaith room, at the altar, on his knees praying for understanding, for forgiveness, for some kind of guidance he'd failed to grasp on his own. Whilst he still didn't have all the answers, penance was always the first step, and Benjamin had decided to throw himself at the mercy of it, and of the group, desperate to reinstate his position, his duty. Elijah was the most important person in his life, but his vocation was all he had, and he knew he couldn't afford to lose sight of it and stray from the path. The drama that day had been the direct result of his carelessness, of him losing his way. Nobody should have suffered because of his mistakes.

While some others in the group had felt more free since Adrian's unceremonious unmasking, the truth laid to bare, Benji only doubled down, unable to see any of the positives. He went back to the basics — prayer, reflection, fasting, and exercise. Routine, faith and dedication would set him free, he was convinced of it. Although, he still found himself hesitating as he approached the training centre. It was the first time he had been since the fight, and even though training was cancelled, he was wary of running into any of the group. He was only a few days in to his strict regime and he couldn't afford to be swayed by emotion again so soon. Shaking off the doubt, knowing the body had to be aligned with his mind to nurture his spirit, Benjamin was about to head inside when he heard his name being called. He hadn't recognised the voice, not instantly, though the moment Benji laid eyes on the fellow dhampir, his back straightened.

"Guardian Blackwell," Benji acknowledged, trying not to sound too surprised through the strain of his voice. His posture was stiff as he greeted his superior with proper etiquette, three fingers signalling over his chest and bowing his head. That emotion he'd been trying so hard to avoid threatened to derail him already, surprise and anxiety surging through him in equal parts. He quickly dismissed any idea that something was wrong — Troyan seemed far too calm for that. But that didn't do much to reassure him, positive this word would be about Juliet. He wasn't sure he could handle any further confrontation this week, not when he was working so hard to heal from the first round. "Of course. How can I help?"

Troyan had known before their arrival in Alexandria that it'd be a difficult adjustment, for Juliet especially. She had exceptional control, until it came to her heart. Her emotions were heightened now, so when she'd come to Troyan and told him that Alec had paired her with Benji for assignment, naturally he'd began to worry. He didn't doubt either guardian's professionalism, but working alongside someone you loved came with complications. His fears were soon validated as the training sessions actually began, his daughter coming home stressed and irate more often than not. Troyan did an excellent job at calming her down, realigning her focus, but it didn't solve the core problem. It simply wasn't a good match for her, not when she couldn't pursue her affection. Asking a vampire to swallow down their emotions was akin to hovering a match over gasoline, eventually it'd falter and blow. Still, Troyan had respected Juliet's independence, so hadn't pursued the matter personally, trusting her enough to handle it on her own. That was, until, she'd arrived back in a worse state than he'd ever seen her. She'd been hungry, worn down, her eyes flooded with tears. He knew then that enough was enough. They'd spoken about her morning in depth, Juliet revealing that Adrian had outed them all, and how disgusted with her vampirism she felt; blaming that above all else for Benjamin's reluctance. Troyan doubted that was case, chalking it up to how they'd been raised, knowing he'd endured a similar struggle. Duty was important, structure was important, but it couldn't measure up to love. His young peers were yet to realise that, and they needed guidance to overcome their conditioning. There was no one better suited to the job than himself. Leaving it a few days, allowing the dust to settle over the group's argument, Troyan then decided to seek Benjamin out. Not to berate or judge or punish, but to mentor. Alec may guide their heads, but Troyan wanted to help them control their hearts. "Benjamin?" Troyan called out, finding the younger dhampir outside of the training centre. "Can I have a word? It won't take long. I understand your schedule's busy today," he kept his tone soft, knowing the question could be deemed confrontational. Whilst this would hopefully help Juliet, he hadn't just come here as a father; he was working in all of their best interests. He cared about Benjamin too.

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TED LASSO 2.06 The Signal

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What did you do? TED LASSO | 2.12 ― “Inverting the Pyramid of Success”

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You got something you wanna say, Jamie? Uh, I mean, yeah. But—  Great. Let us have it.

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ARROW 3.01 | The Calm

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Maestra: Strings of Truth (2023 - 2024) dir. Kim Jung Kwon

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Kieron Moore as Dimitri Belikov from the Vampire Academy teaser trailer.

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Notting Hill (1999) dir. Roger Michell

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DIMITRI BELIKOV and TATIANA IVASHKOV in VAMPIRE ACADEMY (2022)

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THE OFFICE 5x12: THE DUEL.