benji-mp

[benji-mp]

Ben's eyes widened suddenly at the mention of dating. His skin flushed a bright pink across his face. Looking away he gave a short shrug. He wasn't sure what he should say. "I thought...well...the summer gala...when you wore a skirt....you were supposed to be my date for halloween too..." he mumbled the last part. "You stay over for days, or I stay over for days and...I don't want them to end." He spoke softly again.

"I wouldn't tell you no...I mean I wouldn't say no....if you asked." He spoke clearer, with a bit more confidence. Ben enjoyed the nights when Ezra slept over. Sometimes Ben would wake up in the middle of the night snuggling the other. He'd carefully pull away as he didn't want to push boundaries at all.

"You would never lose me. I just needed some of my own time as well, now that I knew you were alive." He took another sip. "I wasn't expecting for you to show up at the hospital though. That was....that really threw me for a loop...but no. I did have to call out. It was an emergency - you're that important to me. I wouldn't just do that for anybody." He nodded. Ben stared at the spot beside Ezra, maybe for a bit too long before looking back at Nana. "I guess I never realized how similar they are."

Ezra had plenty of time to reflect on what was said between them. Both of them were hurt by the actions of the other, and something needed to change for this relationship - whatever it was - to work. They exhaled as Benji teased them, before taking another sip of their hot drink.

A cream colored cat much like their own entered the room. Ezra's eyes followed her until she stopped in front of the couch to bathe herself. The young poet frowned, the cogs in their brain working overtime, until Benji greeted the cat.

"Right," Ezra whispered, more to themselves than to the room, "we have the same cat." They let out another breath of amusement, before focussing their attention back to the other demigod.

"I get why you were upset. I would've been too. But-- In the moment, I was hurt, because I thought I've lost you. You see... I too talk about you. A lot. So much so people think we're dating. But I always tell them I'm not sure if we are..." Ezra looked back into their mug, enjoying the heat coming off it.

[benji-mp]

Ben also sat criss cross but in the corner of the L shaped couch, keeping his hot drink on himself as well. "I've missed you too." Ben spoke quietly. He had time to think about everything said, to be honest. Including his own rant toward Ezra. A lot of emotions came flooding out and it felt a bit haunting.

He didn't notice the surge of energy as soon as he was near Ezra. Ezra was already punishing themselves enough with how bad they were feeling. Taking a sip he breathed in before letting out a big sigh. "Y'know, I would hope I'd be here...it...is my home." He teased slightly, giving a smirk that formed into a smile.

Nana had crawled out of where ever she was sleeping and walked into the living room. She sat on the floor between the two, only to begin to bathe herself. "Good morning, Nana." Ben cooed out before looking at his mug. "I don't know where to start." Shaking his head he sighed once again. "I get you not telling me - I didn't tell you about my family....I just wish I could've been there for you." He continued to stare at his mug, worried to look up. "I was so worried for you, I didn't know what to do. But when you finally started texting me again but acting like nothing happened...I was livid. I couldn't fathom how you could just vanish....I can see now why you would. I'm sorry I was ignorant of you reaching back out to me when you were ready to again....that wasn't fair to you."

Ezra watched Benji's movements carefully, noting the subtle shifts in his body language. They appreciated his effort to create a comfortable space for them both, even though their own emotions were still raw and unsettled.

They slowly moved to the couch, where they planted themselves in the corner, making themselves as small as they could, knees up and hands folded in front of their mouth. Their body was tense and their breath heavy, trying to focus on the room they were currently in. It was hard to keep their mind from wandering back to the darker places.

It almost did, until the room smelled of cinnamon and ginger. The scent grounded the poet a bit, their eyes lighting up with nostalgia and warmth. The demigod changed their position, sitting now crisscross, reaching for the mug that was sat down on the table in front of them. They wrapped their fingers around the ceramic mug and inhaled the sweet vapor deeply. Taking a small sip, they let the warmth seep into their body, grounding them even further.

"I'm glad you're here," they finally spoke softly, meeting Benji's gaze with still a lot of vulnerability in their eyes. "I've missed you."

[benji-mp]

As soon as Ezra flinched and moved away, Benji noticed. Something on his face must've given his feelings away because Ezra started to apologise, or tried to. Ben opened his mouth before closing it, trying to think of the next step he should make. "I will let you go, and get your spot and then I will sit somewhere once you've gotten comfortable." He nodded and stepped back away from the other more, hoping this was helping. "I'm going to get something to drink - do you want anything?"

Benji's voice was slow and quiet. His body language shifted and made his body more open and easier to see for Ezra. He slouched a bit, showing that he was relaxed, and not tense. His hands open with the palms facing up and outwards and slightly to the sides of his body. Soft nods from a face that had a matching facial expression. Ben felt gross using techniques that he learned from work but he also knew that they worked - and he hoped that it would help here as well.

The nurse was at a loss of words otherwise due to everything that was just trauma dumped onto him. Not that he didn't mind - he just wasn't expecting that suddenly. As he waited for Ezra to move he kept going over everything in his head - They were in crutches when they met again, that was after....Ben's throat swallowed hard but he cleared his throat in hopes attention would be averted. "Sorry. Dry throat." And it was indeed dry.

Ben went for the fridge right away and grabbed a energy drink out of habit. His body was still getting used to doing anything but night shifts, and it had been months since his last night shift. Once he quickly drank most of the can he began setting things up for tea. Ben got out two cups from the cupboard and then began looking for a tea for himself. He chose Sleepy Time tea. He chuckled a bit at the irony of him just downing a energy drink and then drinking this tea. Humming he looked around and found the chai that he had bought Ezra for a gift but then chickened out on gifting it.

After a while Ben walked over with two mugs, set one in front of the other very slowly and carefully and then moved away to another area of the large couch so Ezra could have as much space as possible without Ben being too far away.

Ezra cried their eyes out what seemed to be hours, but it had only been a minute or so, hyperventilating and hiccuping as they did. They heard the apology, but couldn't focus nor respond to it. It was clear this was a difficult subject for them, something they weren't ready to share yet. Especially with how bad they were mentally, only a few days ago. Due to the circumstances, Ezra felt like Ben had the right to know, although the poet could've soften some of the language they used. They wanted there to be no room for confusion, and this morning they really thought they could handle it. Right until they spoke the words.

When Benji reached out, Ezra flinched a little, instinctually taking a step away from him. As soon as the younger demigod realized they had done that - and it crossed their mind how that might've looked to Benji - their eyes widened. "I'm-- I'm sorry," they stammered a few times, then nodded they did want to sit down.

[benji-mp]

Ben reached for Nana as he heard the question. He grabbed her and pulled her over his head carefully. "Nana!" He held her out like the beginning of Lion King. "She's very light yellow so I called her Nana from Banana in English." He put her on his shoulder and pet her head.

"Thank you. Oh, uh I'm Benji." He gave an awkward wave with a matching smile. For some reason Ben was smooth at work but outside of work he was horrible with introducing himself. "I'm Sorry if we're making it hard for everyone. We were just kind of walking by and I thought it looked fun to try." He shrugged. "And your name, too? Sorry." He felt Nana shift around on his shoulders before he bent to the side to let her down from a shorter height.

"She likes the fresh air, and it's good for mer too...but I don't want her to not come home....or prevent anything else from not getting home." He wiggled the leash a little bit to show it off more. "How...long have you been doing yoga? That's what it is right?" He gave a soft smile before glancing at Nana to make sure she was okay before giving the lady in front of him his attention again.

☽༺𖤐༻☾

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   Malea pulls her form through the last pose and up into Warrior. Around her is a collection of people that she meets with regularly for Yoga in the Park. She had started doing it with mostly just the companions at Babylon but then it slowly grew to be something that attracted others to the circle that gathered in the park on the warmer days to stretch and relax together. Today a few more people had joined than last time and Malea happily started her instruction.

   A good ways into the lesson for the day she notices that at the edge of the circle someone else comes in. Late joiners were welcome to the group as it was come and go as people pleased anyway so she doesn’t fret. She just checks to see who they are and if they are actually there to participate or to disrupt. He’s tall and seems like he more belongs in the gym lifting weights with others of a similar built to himself but the fact that he came here makes her think he’s a more reserved soul. Either way, she gives him a smile and a welcome from where she is and continues guiding others through their poses. It’s not until the cat that seems to be attached to the gentleman hops up on him that she does move from her own mat and goes over to check on him.

  “And who do we have here?” She says to the four-legged friend but is talking to the man. “If I had know you were coming, I would have brought out a mini mat!”

  She bends at the waist, flexible and ease and looks at the human counterpart upside down. “Hello here. Welcome to Yoga in the Park. What’s your name?”

[benji-mp]

At the first sign of movement, Ben snapped back into the actual surroundings and put his shirt on quickly before Ezra started to talk. All Ben could do was stare at the other as their heart was poured out. Of course Ben had no idea - Ezra wanted it that way.

All he did was listen, he didn't say anything. Ben felt light headed suddenly while listening. Everything was making more sense but he still tried to listen to Ezra as much as he could. Grabbing onto the counter he nodded, trying to signal Ben was paying attention still. "I'm sorry -" He spoke, looking at Ezra with soft eyes.

He wasn't looking for sympathy or anything but there was so much Ben couldn't even ask, nor that he wanted to. How do you talk to someone who just poured all of that out. Looking down at his hands he chewed his lip. "That sounds incredibly difficult to go through."

Looking up he moved towards Ezra slowly. "Thank you for telling me. That must have been really scary to tell me." Ben reached for the other's hand but then pulled away. "You weren't wrong, and I understand what you did...why you did..." He nodded softly, trying to give a smile - he wasn't sure what level of smile he should do but he hoped it was a reassuring kind.

"I am here, if you need me. Even if just to have me in the room...or anything." He cleared his throat. "You are one of the most important things to me." Looking down he sighed a bit before glancing at the apartment. "Do you want to sit down?"

TW // mention of rape, suicide, mental health issues

The deafening silence was replaced by heavy music, the tension was thick and Ezra was left speechless as Ben spilled his thoughts and feelings. Processing the words being said – and the ones that weren’t being said – feeling like a horrible person by the end of it. The poet hadn’t thought about how this all affected Ben.

They imagined this to go differently. They wanted to explain, to say their piece, but most importantly; apologize. But they were unable to get a word in. Maybe that was for the best for now, maybe they should just listen.

Each word Benjamin spoke felt like a slap in Ezra’s face. Tears were forming in their eyes, but they refused to let them fall. They were selfish… Disappearing like that was selfish. And the main thing they realized through this speech – Ben just proved them wrong; The demigod had stopped communicating with everyone in their life, because they thought no one would care.

Benji cared. Or at least he seemed to care.

The car pulled over sooner than Ezra anticipated. They hadn’t even questioned where the two were going. Looking up, they recognized the building immediately, and somehow, they weren’t surprised the older demigod brought them there. Still speechless, the younger followed Benji inside, all the way up to his apartment. All the while trying to gather the words they had apparently lost at the hospital.

Inside Benji’s unit, Ezra took a deep breath, finally ready to speak their own mind, when--

"Give me 10 minutes."

Alright, the Egyptian demigod thought with a sigh, I can wait 10 more minutes... Theyjust nodded in response and went to browse the other’s shelves when he disappeared into his bedroom. To kill the time. To distract themselves from their anxiety. Oh how they would’ve loved to follow him into the room. But Ezra knew more than anyone how that wasn’t appropriate. They were told to wait, so they respected that. And waited.

Those ten minutes felt like an eternity as Ez paced the room. The words they wanted to say bouncing around in their anxious mind, when suddenly the door opened again. The poet couldn’t help but eye Ben’s naked torso up and down, their face turning beet red in the process. They needed to focus. Because what they were about to discuss was a serious matter. Gathering all their courage – Ezra was gonna need a lot of it with how personal they were gonna get – and was once again ready to speak. And after Ben made his point very loud and clear – those final words hurt particularly bad – the younger demigod took a deep, shaky breath. And although they had originally planned to not be at their most vulnerable, Ben had told his truth, so it was only fair if they returned the favor.

“About a year ago… November 6th… I--” Ezra started, choking up. Tears finally rolled over their pale cheeks as they continued, “I was raped.” This was the first time in a year they had used those words exactly. Words held power and some words were more difficult to vocalize than others. They had always tiptoed around it with their father, the hospital staff back then, the police. But with Ben… With Ben they decided to be direct. Hopefully that wouldn’t push the man away.

“They left me for dead, and I woke up in the hospital. Bruised ribs, broken leg, mental state in shambles… A bit over a month later, the police told me they weren’t going to continue investigating. That’s when I lost all will to live. I mean, I didn’t really have much of that after that night in the first place. But what kept me alive, was hope. They ripped that away from me, and I had nothing left.”

The Egyptian demigod paused to catch a breath, silently sobbing. “My dad found me. Woke up in the hospital again. To say I was… unhappy, was an understatement. But after that, I couldn’t stay home. I had to leave. Start over. What did I tell you at our rendezvous? ‘I needed a change of scenery’? That wasn’t a lie. I really did. Everything back home reminded me of… And of when I tried to… Well… I just couldn’t stay there.”

“I’ve tried to live my life like nothing had happened. For so long, I’ve pushed all these memories down and went about my days. Pretending to be happy. At first it’d catch up to me in my nightmares. But each morning I’d brush it off and continue life like normal. Not the best way to deal with it, but at the time I thought if I ignored it long enough, it’d go away. Well… It no longer contained to my dreams and each day it became harder to pretend, Until… I just… Couldn’t do it anymore. Life was too much. Getting out of the house was too much. Getting out of bed was too much. I needed to disappear. Not be for a bit. Hit pause. I was tired. Exhausted. And I thought no one cared about me.”

Ezra tried to wipe their tears away, but all in vain. “I’m so sorry I caused you so much distress. I had no idea. I was wrong and I’m sorry. You deserve the truth. And in all honesty… You almost did lose me. My dad, Skadi, Arawn… My mother, even though she never had me… You all almost lost me.”

[benji-mp]

pretty. . .

[benji-mp]

Moon Jongup - X.O.X

[benji-mp]

Marjariasana | Ben X Malea

@mpxmalea

Ben had gotten up that morning due to the sun shining in his eyes. He groaned before turning over to give them a break. Nana had heard the commotion, only to be on the bed shortly after screaming for attention. A defeated sigh came out of the demigod's mouth followed by a chuckle. Looking back out the window he gave a serene smile.

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Ben had gotten to the park after a gentle morning. He gave Nana her food, he ate some eggs as well. He got dressed in sweats and a thinner hoodie on top. He grabbed Nana as he made his way to the door only to put her on the bench so he could put her harness on. The temp had gotten warmer so he felt more comfortable bringing her outside again after the winter.

Parking the Jeep he jumped out and got Nana out of her seatbelt leash and put the regular one on. She jumped out after and they were on their way around the park. Ben shuffled along in his socks and slides as Nana roamed around. Eventually the duo near someone guiding yoga. He started to lazily copy the poses, giggling to himself when he found himself off balance.

He moved closer so he could hear her better and do the poses more accurately. Nana was still wondering around, however she did pick up on Ben's movements. She took the chance to jump on his back as he was bending down to touch his toes for a quick stretch to loosen up more. "Yah! Nana" he whispered to the cat, trying to keep the scene peaceful.

[benji-mp]

Ben looked at the other's hand as he was touched, feeling the warmth. The sudden flashes of Ezra, the warmth - he suddenly felt the coldness of being alone - it was familiar, but he didn't like the cold embrace any longer.

Ben sat in silence for a while, he didn't want the alone ending. He met Eros' eyes when the God started talking about his creation. "I just don't know how I can accept love when I know it's eventually going to hurt. Why should I try for something that's going to eventually end?"

"I can talk to Death himself. Give good old dear dad a ring..." he mumbled before clearing his throat. "Sorry. That wasn't towards you. Daddy issues. Y'know?" Ben tried to make a joke before taking a drink. "How do I know where to step?" Ben felt like he was back in his aunt and uncle's house, crying on his bed after his first heart break once again.

"This all seems so...childish." He scoffed before looking at the God. "Have you ever struggled with Love?" Ben felt foolish for asking, but doesn't everyone go through phases of self doubt?

—*

   Eros watches the younger man look nearly anguished at the reply he receives. Mortals always look that way in the face of happiness and Eros, knowing too much, cannot interfere enough to tell them to snap out of it. He listens with the patience his calling allots him as his charge laments about Death and it’s pull and doesn’t chide the heat behind the questions. It’s a valid thing to wonder on and Eros himself had seen the many faces of Death and those that ushered souls to their ends and been curious about how they orchestrated it all too. Still though, the questions are not his to answer.

   So with all the understanding he has, he doesn’t answer those questions. He lets them fill the air between them and then lets them die where they may. It’s only when his charge turns things back into the realm of what he can do that Eros seems like he might speak again. A long and pregnant pause is the only thing that comes though.

  And when it seems like it might stretch on and that the god has ruled this conversation too much for the other, Eros does react then. The god reaches out with one hand and places it on Ben’s shoulder nearest him. The touch is nothing more than that for a few seconds before it warms the skin under his shirt and magic flows freely between them.

   Flashes. Brilliant and bright flashes of Ezra’s face, of Ezra laughing, of Ezra looking with tenderness at Ben flood from the god and into the mind of the demigod. heavenly scents of memories are there too, dancing just out of reach and spinning themselves into the images that flash before the eyes of his young charge. 

  Then- just as fast as they came, they vanish. It is just Ben that flashes in darkened ghosts of what could be. And he is alone, defeated. His eyes carry a sadness as they see Ezra again but at a distance that beautiful smile and tender look turned elsewhere. The god pulls his hand away then and the flashes stop.

  The buzz of the magic fades and he sits quietly for a bit letting the other recalibrate before he speaks.

   “I can see a plethora of ways that this can go. That is the one in which you don’t try.” There’s a sadness in Eros’ words before he brings his hands into his lap. “Being afraid is part of being in love. We are afraid to take the leap for it, afraid when we fight for it, afraid to lose it- we are afraid of it even. Because it represents what we deserve when someone sees that fear and loves us anyway. You don’t want to waste anyone’s right now, you say, but you waste it when you don’t try to be a part of it when they so freely want you there.”

  His eyes look at Ben then. “When I was created from the dust of Chaos, it was because it was Chaos being afraid of being alone. The leap to love- all kinds of love- is scary, but it’s worth it every single time.”

  Eros exhales audibly,”There is a path for you and it is marvelous. But you must, you absolutely must, step forth onto it. Or I promise you, the bleak outcome you saw will be the only one you have left and you will beg me to ask Death to help you.”

[benji-mp]

Ben was confused - he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react - he wanted to hug and kiss Ezra so bad it ached but his heart was hurting just as bad. Scoffing he looked out the drivers window. "How could I not call off?" Ben looked down at his phone before switching to his bluetooth to put his music on.

Messing with some buttons he put on Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold before taking the jeep out of park and driving off. He didn't say anything, just drove around for a bit as the songs shuffled through heavy base songs.

"I keep my private life, private...but I talked about you often." He finally spoke, but he kept his eyes straight in front of him. "I talked about you, at work to my residents...to families and coworkers... so when suddenly I can't answer the questions - I don't know how they are - I don't know what they did this weekend. I don't know. I don't know! I don't know why they won't answer my texts. I don't know why they won't answer my phone calls. I don't know why they would just not respond to me for weeks. And then suddenly come back as if nothing happened and not understand why it's an issue...and then come to my work suddenly with no warning or nothing. And expect me to be okay with it." Ben didn't take a breath for the whole rant, and he realized as his lungs started to burn. He breathed in deeply, he held onto the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were white.

"I like you. I like you a lot. I like having you around when it's quiet. Even if you are quiet, I know you're still there and it's comforting." His voice was quiet - he didn't realise what he was saying until it was too late. "I like having you in my life...and then suddenly you were ripped out. I had no idea. I didn't know anything...I didn't know if you were alive or dead...and then...you came back. Like it was nothing." Ben stopped the car. He didn't even realise that they were now at his aparatment buliding. Letting his knuckles go, the colour returned to normal. He grabbed all his items and walked to the door. He wasn't saying anything to Ezra.

Ben waited for them at the door, letting them go first after opening each door for them into the apartment building then his front door. Ben couldn't help but check Ezra out as they walked past. He breathed in and got a wiff of the other's smell. Whatever they were wearing. He closed the door behind himself and locked it before kicking his shoes off- he treated his home like his aunts house. They didn't wear shoes in the house often.

"Give me 10 minutes." He looked at Ezra, his voice quiet and dark. Ben went to the bedroom, wishing Ezra would follow but knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea. The demi-god turned around and shut his bedroom door before almost locking it. Ben decided against it - it was Ezra. He had a quick, very hot shower and tried to wash away the morning and everything that just happened.

He walked out in grey sweats and no shirt, well it was in his hand but not on his torso. Ben's skin was still slightly pink - an indicator as to how hot the shower really was. How was the god supposed to deal with these emotions? Eros needed a visit - that was for sure.

"I...Growing up. I lost everyone. I lost my mom, my little sister who didn't even get to see the world...my dad..." He mumbled before looking at the shirt in his hand. "My aunt and uncle...back in New Orleans..." Ben was white knuckling the shirt again, but so intense his hand was shaking.

"I lose everyone...and I was convinced I lost you too."

Ben's voice faltered as the tears flooded his eyes before falling down his face.

"I can't lose you."

Ezra had a hard time reading Benji's face and that brought more insecurities. Making eye contact, the young demigod felt the weight of Ben's gaze, though, and Ezra's heart sank with confusion and guilt. They followed silently as Ben moved towards the doors, sensing the tension radiating off him. His quickened steps mirrored the rapid pace of their own thoughts, a tumult of emotions swirling within.

As they reached the jeep, Ezra hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do. But when Ben opened the door and gestured for them to get in, they obeyed silently, sliding into the passenger seat. His terse words hung heavy in the air, and Ezra felt a pang of regret for causing him distress.

"You didn't have to call off... I'm sorry," Ezra said quietly, not looking up at the other. This was not what the poet had wanted. To cause drama or problems for Ben's job. But what did they expect showing up like that?

They buckled their seat belt as Ben started the engine, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken tension. Ezra wanted to say something, to ease the tension between them, but the words caught in their throat. Instead, they remained silent, the weight of their actions weighing heavily on their conscience.

[benji-mp]

Ben stared at the other, unsure of what to say. Ben wanted to shout and cry like a toddler. It was his fault - it was because they were all around him, that had to be it. He's the common denominator. There was no way that all these people around him had just died 'just because' and no relation to Ben. It was him - he was his father's son. The son of a God of Death.

"I don't want to waste other peoples' "right now" as well. I can't help but feel like I'm the common theme." He scoffed and looked away. It wasn't towards Eros, not intentionally. it was about the Gods and Goddesses. "How does "Death" decide? Who is "Death" And how is it decided that the gods of Death represent it - do they cycle?" Ben had gotten off topic, but that was because he was spiraling and getting frustrated with the nasty thought that some God was playing a cruel game against him.

"I don't want to have to worry - and I want to give someone my all. I just don't know how to let that happen." Ben looked back at Eros. "That's why I've reached out to you. I need -" He stopped and cleared his throat before starting again. "I would like to get advice from you on how to learn to love without being afraid. I want to learn how to be able to love someone - what it means to learn to love. I've pushed so many people away that I don't know what love even...means."

Ben stared at the God, hopeful that he could help, or at least a bit of pointers. He wants to be able to give Ezra the love they deserve and should be getting. Not whatever coldness Ben was exerting towards the gentle demi-god.

—*

    The god settles himself more into the couch as he listens to everything that comes from Ben. The unsureness and the worry lives in every word- even the ones that are made lighter by the good memories that paint themselves across each one. He can hear the want to be open and ready to receive so much love, but he can also hear the fear.

   For the reason made obvious when Ben tells him that all his loved ones pass. Death, Eros knows, had always been a fair thing. It didn’t make sense to mortals when it struck down those they cared for or swept through and took the young among them, but it was always a fair thing.Even the god had watched it take away people he loved and had to hold his sorrows to himself. Even when all one has is sorrows wrapped in them are memories.

  It’s not until Ben has stopped speaking and Eros has had a little moment to take it in before he speaks. The topic is a grim one and it makes the demigod awkward but he understands that.

   “Death often takes away beautiful things from us,” he starts. “It takes away more beautiful people too. But maybe it’s because it does that so often that feelings like love and friendship and family exist. We’re given the time we have with people for a reason and even if later on it hurts and we lose them either to Death or to growing apart or even being ripped apart by them or ourselves— the time we do have with others is a sacred thing.”

   Eros adds softer, “If you spend all the time you have with someone worrying about losing them, are you really with them? Or are you with the idea you have of them?”

  He looks at Ben now and it’s in his eyes that he speaks from personal experience in this moment. He too, had loved someone and lost them. He too, had spent the time he had with someone worrying too much about the end of things and missed all the moments where he had everything with them. And maybe it’s because he’s had this pain at least once and watched it a thousand on thousand more times with his own charges that he says what he does next.

    “Please, all you have is right now. Don’t waste it.”

   He had always said it was best to love fully when one could, because he had never promised there would be time later.

[benji-mp]

Ben's gaze was confusing, at first, it was a hard glare, but the more that one would look, they'd see the hurt behind it all. He was at a loss of words. Looking around he cleared his throat before huffing a bit. "C'mon." He spoke in English before starting to move towards the doors. Ben was angry, his steps were quickened. He moved faster with every racing though. 'how could he say that I was ignoring him? I mean I am but he started it!'

Ben reached the jeep and opened his door before getting in and closing the door, just slightly harder than he normally would. Sitting there, he stared at the other's spot, and then at them when they got to the door. Ben hoped the other would assume to get in rather than just stay out of the truck.

"I have half an hour." Ben cleared his throat before looking at his phone. He sighed, wondering how much trouble he'd be in if he called in halfway through the shift. It would be an asshole move but he truly right now was feeling absolutely terrible in his stomach. He left all his nursing items at the desk and took everything with him on his break. He really could do it. "For fucks sake." He cursed under his breath before calling the hospital and taking the channels to whoever he needed to call in. "Hey. Yeah. It's Ben. I have to call in for the rest of my shift. I know. I'm sorry. Something's come up and I really need to deal with the situation. It's an emergency." He said a few more sorrys before hanging up the phone and starting up his jeep.

Ben looked away and at the windshield.

"Get the seat belt on."

With each minute passing, Ezra grew more and more nervous. Their heart raced, pounding in their chest, wondering if they had made the right call. The young demigod didn't know if Ben was even working today. What was their plan in that case?

Ezra would cross that bridge when they came to it.

The poet hadn't heard the other appoaching as they were trying to organize their thoughts and keep their nerves in check. Thinking of what to say when they'd finally stand face to face with their best friend.

Hearing Tu's voice from behind, Ezra flinched slightly, their nerves on edge. They could sense the concern in Ben's voice, but the weight of his words only added to the overwhelming sense of guilt that gnawed at Ezra's insides.

The words "You shouldn't have come here" echoed in their mind, and Ezra's shoulders sagged with the weight of his disappointment. They hadn't wanted to cause trouble or put Ben in a difficult position, but now they realized they had done just that.

Tention was high and the air felt heavy. Taking a shaky breath, Ezra finally turned around, meeting Ben's gaze with apprehension. "You were ignoring me. I didn't know what else to do," they admitted softly, their voice laced with vulnerability. "I just... I needed to see you. Talk to you."

[benji-mp]

Ben had been working for a few hours now, and it was due time for a break. He checked on his patients one more time before passing off to another nurse. He mentioned that he was taking a half hour, and will be back soon. He gave a soft smile to the coworker before heading to the back room to grab his keys, energy drink and phone.

The notifications popped up on his phone again, reminding him that he still left Ezra on unread. He shoved the phone in his pocket before walking out of the unit and down to the lobby to go down to his Jeep.

He froze immediately as soon as he opened the door from the stairs, it hit him in the back and pushed him forward. He could recognize the back of that head anywhere. Why was Ezra here? Why else would he be here? Ben answered his own question before trying to look around, seeing if anyone else was around. Looking at his watch, he noted the time but wasn't sure if there was enough time to unwrap everything. Sighing he walked forward to the back of his head.

Stopping just behind him, he sighed.

It wasn't a demand, there was sadness in his voice, pleading for more time with the other. Half an hour would never cut it.

"You shouldn't have come here."

It's been... Oh gosh, how long has it been since Ezra last spoke with Benji? Days? Weeks? Way too long in the demigod's opinion, that's for sure. The poet was trying to heal mentally, but cutting contact with Benjamin during that time - although unintentional - was one of their biggest recent regrets.

Ezra had texted him an apology. They DMed and when things truly seemed lost, they even tried to call. But all they received in response was the echo of silence, not even left on read to acknowledge the vulnerability laid bare.

Was this punishment for Ezra's past actions toward Ben, or were they simply not worth the time for an explanation? Either way, could the poet really blame the other?

Though understanding that this treatment might've been deserved, Ezra couldn't shake the unease about the presumed end of things. Even if it marked their final conversation, Ezra yearned for the opportunity to explain, to provide context to the chaos. If Benjamin decided that he never wanted to see Ezra ever again after that, it would be a fair decision. Closure was something Ezra craved, even if it came in the form of a painful goodbye.

The poet's fingers hovered over their phone, contemplating another message, another attempt to break the silence that stretched between them.

No.

They couldn't just keep waiting endlessly for a response that may never come. Someone had to act and if he wasn't going to, Ezra was. So the young poet grabbed a small bag to put their essentials in, and went out the door, to the one place they knew the other would most likely be; the hospital.

A bit dramatic, Ezra agreed, but at the same time, they were at the end of their rope. Not being able to shake the feeling they had fucked up.

___

A chilly autumn breeze brushed passed Ezra as they stood outside the building, taking a deep breath before stepping inside.

Now what?

Hesitantly, the demigod looked around the lobby, unsure if they should talk to the receptionist or sit down and wait. Both options were unhinged. Being there was unhinged.

Ezra shook off the second quesses and doubts. It was gonna be fine, they told themselves. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

But the thought of losing Tu...

Sit and wait seemed to be the less dramatic option. So that's what they decided they would do. After all, Ezra wouldn't want to disturb the man's job.

[benji-mp]

TW: mention of deceased family (immediate and secondary )

Ben looked more confused as the other seemed to be over joyed at the things the kid just spoke. Nana jumped up on the couch as he sat down, he put the popcorn down and began petting her. "I don't know....the first time I think...we - we were in the states...New Orleans...." He stopped for a second to look at the god. "They ran into me and spilled their hot coffee on me." He looked down at his pants, almost getting transported back. A smile grew on his face as he was thinking about it before his face dropped. He zoned back in as the God started to speak.

"Everyone I've ever loved has died." Ben wasn't sure how to beat around the bush about the topic. "Sorry...uh. yeah." He opened the drink before sipping it. Nana had jumped up to sniff the flavour of this can. Kissing her forehead, he shooed her away. "Anything and everything. I don't know if it's just bad luck...or maybe my father has something to do with it." He frowned as he pet Nala.

"I understand, everything has a cycle...but it just ends too soon." Ben looked at Eros, assuming he also knew that feeling - as he was a God. But the God had been alive for more than a life time - or five.

"I don't want to loose them."

—*

   Eros doesn’t move as he watches the other man stand again, assured by the gestured signal that he’s okay. He does listen carefully as he moves around in the kitchen still though, in the chance that the dizziness hits again. When Ben returns the god is still seated and eating yet another bit of fruit within the bowl. His hair is glowing even more now, and the same soft glow is just hinting in his cheeks. 

     ‘There’s someone, I really… like.’

   What a glorious and terrifying thing! Eros looks up at the demigod again and listens as the story begins. This is his favorite part! The moments before they realize what’s fully happening, just on the cusp of discovery that they can open up with someone and whatever the outcome- it is worth the journey. His laugh is that type that means he is both amused and joyous. “Goodness! How does that even happen?!”

  Eros is tickled deeply. “Tell me, what’s your worry? And I don’t mean the ones that society might try to push onto you- tell me, deep down, why the idea of falling is scary? You might just like your landing.”

[benji-mp]

Ben stared at the boys for a while, wondering how they'd make him feel. They just had the flu, it was bad but not as worse as the last one. He nodded and held his hands out for the meds. "Which kid is who?" Despite being twins, they still needed the medication specifically for that specific kid.

Ben reached up to move his hair back into a 'cooler' style than what his hair was before. This was similar to his look that he would wear when he was working as a mortician on the main land. Clearing his throat so the kids would be brought to his attention he gave them a half smile, putting on his own best "cool dude, super hero" sort of vibe. "Yo." He looked between the two of them and asked for the first kid.

Ben sat beside the kid, softening a bit as he got closer. Gaging the kid by the size he changed his approach for how he would explain everything. Ben went through every step of what he was going to do to the kid, on himself, minus giving himself some of the meds. He hoped it worked as the kid didn't seem too grumpy. He even let the kid play with the pump on the BP cuff.

After a while he came out with the stats and the meds given. "They're cute. I'd feel grumpy too if I was stuck in a room, with my brother and feeling yucky." Ben sanitized his hands before looking around. "Do we have any popsicles in the fridge? I bet that'll sweeten them up some."

A bright, happy, loving smile came from Ben towards Tsukiko before he realised what had happened before clearing his throat and then scurried away. Ben hadn't smiled like that in a long time, outside of time with that special someone. It scared the nurse, but it also excited him as well.

While Benji was gone, Tsukiko changed the girl's perfusion, chatting with her to distract her attention from what he was doing and she introduced him to her teddy bear, Mr. Paw. Once this was done, he made sure she took her medicine before tucking her in. She was exhausted and fell asleep quickly. 

The nurse retourned to his station, filling the files while waiting on Benji. The evening was calm and it was quite a nice change from the usual agitation in the hallways. He smiled when Benji came back, he truly liked that guy. 

"It went well, thank you !" Tsukiko answered, taking advantage of the little improvised break to drink some tea. She's sleeping already, we'll check on her in one hour. "And now...." He checked his files, handing one to his night companion. "The flu boys. We put them in the same room, they're twins. They're cool but a bit grumpy."

He guided Benji to the mentioned room. "Nothing special here, we take their constants and give them their meds. You want to do it ?"

[benji-mp]

TW: MENTION OF BLOOD AND USE OF NEEDLES

Ben grabbed the band and started to tie it around the others bicep. "This will be a bit tight, just so you know, okay?" He tried to give a reassuring smile before tying the torniquet off. "Can you make a tight fist for me, please?" He started feeling around for a vein before nodding, confirming he found what he was looking for once the other made his fist.

"I'm gonna sanitize the area, okay?" He took a alcohol swab and started to clean the area before he threw it away. Ben grabbed a cotton ball and some paper tape to get ready as the skin was drying off still. "Up to you, if you are wanting to watch, okay?" He got the area ready and pushed the needle in. He connected the tube to the needle set up and began drawing the first vial. Once it was full, he pulled it out and put the other one in. "You're doing really well." Ben reassured the other as he finished everything off. He pulled off the torniquet and then the needle came out before putting the cotton swab and the tape over it.

"Well done. You'll have your results hopefully in the next few days." Ben started to clean everything up and label things as they should have been. "I'm gonna go get these to where they should be, and if you want to let yourself out when you're ready?"

And In-Soo was thankful for that. Not that he minded talking about it if it could help him but he didn't want to burden others with his problems. Most people on the island suffered enough for him not to add his own pain to theirs. 

"Of course. My doctor gave me a plan and I try to do as much exercises as possible. My friend thinks I should restart dancing too." The vet couldn't help but smile back. He now knew the young man outside work as well and he liked the two versions of him he had met. They had a rocky start but it was way behind them now. 

In-Soo nodded. He did wish to meet his own father but, of course, things might not be easy either. "Mm... I see. They're gods though, I guess there's a lot of things even our parents would keep from us. I just hope that you guys will get along well, I want that for you."

The young man whispered a thanks when Benjamin took his trash to dispose of it. He took the little sanitizer gel's bottle in his pocket to clean his hands and then rolled his sleeve up. 

"I'm ready !"

[benji-mp]

Ben nodded before immediately running to the lab. He didn't say anything before leaving - he just needed to get out of there. It made him feel dirty - that he was was feeling so good when this child was suffering. It wasn't his fault and he knew that, but still. There was nothing the nurse could do.

He labelled everything for the samples as best as he could before he passed them over. Ben thanked the tech before leaving. He took a bit of time to come down off the 'high' feeling before he returned. "Aye." He nodded to the other before looking at the rooms they were just in.

"how did the perfusion go?" He leaned on the station before reaching over to grab his water. He could hear the supervisor in the back of his head already 'no water on the floor!' he rolled his eyes to himself before clearing his throat. "What're we doin' next?" He gave a soft smile to Tsukiko.

The flu was particularly vicious that year and many had fallen sick before being vaccinated. It was harder on children and the elderly due to their more fragile constitution so it was necessary to watch over them. Fortunately, none of the kids had underlying problems that could make things harder than they already was. 

She's adorable, I agree ! She arrived two days ago and had been so patient and understanding. She can't stop apologizing about the cooks having to make special meals for her. They moved to the next room, Tsukiko taking over this time. The small girl was very tired and had developed a fever so he was as careful as possible, gently stroking her hair and covering her when he was done.

Unaware of Benji's turmoil, Tsukiko handed him the blood tubes after carefully labelling them. "Do you mind bringing those to the lab ? I'm have to change her perfusion."