benjyfenswick

[benjyfenswick]

[benjyfenswick]

#my life

[benjyfenswick]

sorry.  the word was such a foreign thing coming off his lips. even the thought of apologizing to anyone was a concept he had trouble formulating in his head. but there he was on mary’s doorstep, forehead sweaty from nervousness.  ----yes, benjamin fenwick was nervous.  another foreign feeling the boy was experiencing that he couldn’t stop.  how could someone as simple as mary macdonald cause him to sweat? oh right,  because he needed to fix what he had broken and it scared the living daylights out of him.  

after counting down what felt like minutes in his head,  his knuckles just inches away from the wooden door frame,  benjys head shook before he lowered his hand.  “ this is stupid....”  and then he was pulling away from the doorstep completely.  his legs moving him back to the sidewalk and away from the apartment all together.  he felt idiotic for even being there.  “ what am i doing?  i shouldn’t be here. i cant-- ”  his mouth closed immediately.  brown hues going wide when he heard his name being called.  slowly, his body twisted around to face that familiar voice.  “ ---mary? ”  well shit.     // @marisolmac

[benjyfenswick]

moody, alastor

moody heard them all with a stern expression on his face. he was itching to fight back, go against all they’d been told, stop playing the game and turn over the damn table - but jumping into it, just like that, would have been foolish. alastor moody didn’t have the luxury to be foolish; and, under his watch, neither did benjy. the look he gave him was different, as if he was no longer in a meeting but talking to that one man alone. “that’s raw impulse. what do you think we should do, storm around throwing curses and hope we hit something? we don’t know shit.” there was bite to his words that said ‘you should know better’. “i refuse to stay idle but you are suggesting rebellion without a plan - and that’s rebellion without a cause. unless you, of course, do have a plan?” he doubted it. benjy was right, by merlin, he was so right. it had one fatal flaw, though: the how.

his jaw clenched,  ears becoming warm as stood there listening to moody cut down his proposal.  benjy didn’t like being wrong and he definitely didn’t like being told off in front of his peers,  but alastor had a point despite his annoyance.  benjy didn’t have a plan and he was being impulsive.  it was his biggest flaw that so many liked to point out, but did he ever learn?  of course not.  “ no.. not at this exact moment.  but if we get a lead on who’s exactly behind the small group, then we’ll have something.  we cant just sit around and do nothing, is all m’saying. ”  benjy didn’t bother to look around at the other faces.  he could practically feel their stares digging into his skull,  the rolls of their eyes so obvious.  none of them were taking what he was saying seriously. he was still a child to them.

[benjyfenswick]

                      listen here

[benjyfenswick]

macdonald, mary

                    another eye roll accompanied his words — merlin, he was so prideful. it drove her crazy. i sound like someone who’s right. she felt like a cartoon bull with steam coming out it’s ears the longer she spoke to him. sometimes it felt like it had always been this way, though she knew that was far from true. she could handle arrogance but then — when have you ever really helped anyone? mary froze at that and the girl who had a quip, a grin, a taunt for everything, was speechless. her resolve shattered at the reminder, guilt flooding forward. there was an itch in the back of her throat that wanted to apologize again; a scratch that mimicked the natural instinct to try and breathe underwater. you know you’re going to drown, but the urge remains. there was a heat to the back of her eyes, but nothing came of it — maybe she was all out of tears to give over this. the witch was silent for a few long beats before she spoke, “i’m done. you got me there, congrats.” and then she’s turning away, walking back the way she came.

              he stood there,  waiting for her reaction.  his own arms crossing over his chest.  hoping to shatter that icy wall of hers and he did.  was he proud of himself?  no.  he had a bad habit to hurting mary.  out of everyone,  she had gotten the short end of the stick when it came to his temper.  he would always blame her,  always paint her in the worst light.  the thing about it was,  he wanted to stop -- honest,  but the guy was messed up in the head.  he knew it,  she probably knew it,  but that didn’t stop the nasty habit from spewing out his mouth.  not to mention his pride,  his god awful pride.  and as mary turned to walk away, his own voice cut through the hallway,  making sure he’d get the last word in.  “ ---good.  no one wanted you here anyways. ”  what a lie.  he didn’t move from his spot as she kept walking.  i’m sorry.  he wanted to say it,  but his lips didn’t move.  instead his own feet swung him around,  pushing him down the other direction.

[benjyfenswick]

[benjyfenswick]

(n.t.)

[benjyfenswick]

THIRD TASK.  SEPT 29. 1981   LAST SEEN

i.  WAR WAS HEAVY .   that much he came to learn.  it wore on his shoulders,  tore at his heart,  but he refused to allow it to bring him to his knees.  he watched as everyone around him either coped it or vanished.  ---- first, his ariana,  the most heartbreaking.  ---- then came the prewett twins.  their news hit him hard.  he had heard they fought till the very end.  a heroes death.  ---- and marlene,  he felt the most guilt with her.  he had dragged her to her death.  recruited her into the order,  convinced her to commit treason  and she died because of it.  ----  then was dorcas.  his dearest friend and most reckless.  she had told him once if they kept going like this,  they’d cop it.  benjy could still see her grin through the fog.  he never believed she would though. ii.  HE TRIED TO BE BETTER .   to smile,  to laugh,  to not lash out in anger or hit his fists against the wall just to feel himself bleed.   if not for himself than for her.  mary was his best friend,  even after everything he had put her through.  he loved her.  an emotion benjamin thought he’d never feel again,  but he got lucky,  he was given a second chance.   if only for a little while. iii.  THE LAST PERSON HE SAW THAT DAY WAS HER.   his last day.  there was a peck to mary’s lips,  his amber hues low and feet staggered on her door step.  she didn’t know where he was off too or for why.  it was better that way.  she’d never let him go if she knew.   “  see you tonight.  i promise, ”  his voice sweet,  fingers untangling from hers.   it was a lie.  benjamin fenwick would never see mary macdonald again.  no one would. iv.  HE HAD MADE THE DECISION TO GO ALONE.   to confront ronan avery and hear the truth.  there had always been a lump in his throat,  an endless question with no answer.  the deciding factor was finding the whereabouts of the man.  as his shoes hit the sidewalk of mary’s street,  there was a crack,  and immediately benjy apparated to an old weathered-down farmhouse.  the sky high above him a gloomy,  muted gray that was full of storm clouds.  the weeds tall and dead around his feet. v.  THERE WAS LITTLE TALKING .   the long-haired ronan stood there;  soulless -- taunting -- alive. there was another man behind him; something benjamin had miscalculated.  he didn’t care though.  he’d kill them both.   “ you know don’t you? ”  ronan muttered from his spot on the porch.  it might have been the many veins that popped out from benjys neck or the narrowed, rigid look in his eyes that gave the other boy his answer.   and ronan didn’t hold back any of it.   “ then you should know,  she died slowly.  her screams were loud and annoying,  so i shut her up for good.  when i was done with her,  i hid it all so no one would know. ”   ronan’s voice was monotone as he spoke,  lifeless,  gone. vi.                               AND BENJY FELT LIKE THROWING UP .    his fists shaking,  tears welling behind his eyes.  he felt the weight of everything crashing down.  all the deaths the order had endured pooling over him.  and in that moment,  there was nothing mary or alastor or james could have ever done,  if they had been there,  to keep the rage from spewing out. HIS WAND WAS DRAWN ,  the hit of his spell blasting ronan through the door.  the second man,  a death eater benjy was sure,  started hurdling spells at him.  benjy deflected each with ease.  it was when ronan came-to,  that benjy had more of a struggle keeping both at bay.  all the anger and pain he felt seeping out and he yelled.  he yelled with each spell he threw,  he yelled until he couldn’t anymore.                               THERE WAS A CLICK AND HIS WAND WAS OUT OF HIS HANDS.  his ash wand flown into ronan’s rough, dark fingers.  and there was a look of panic that flashed over benjys face.  he knew he had lost.  but then ronan was charging him,  and benjamin was on the offensive.  both males hitting,  grappling,  until benjamin was on his back and ronan over him.  the other males wand pointed at his head AND INSTEAD OF A SWIFT DEATH ,  no,  ronan merely paralyzed him.  benjy’s body frozen,  alive but soon to be dead.  he was sure.  there was a crunch to his nose,  a snap of his ribs,  each hit agonizing and propelling him into his own inner hell.   the blood trickling down his face but no tears fell.  he wouldn’t give him that.  all he could think was how he failed ariana.  how he didn’t get to say goodbye to mary.  couldn’t check on frank or alice in st. mungo’s.  couldn’t hold little harry one last time. vii.                               IT WAS THE END ,    but it didn’t come fast enough.  his voice was mute until finally life gave him release.  benjamin fenwick died there on the dead, desolate weeds.  his body cut up into bits and discarded on the farmhouse porch like an unwanted present.  ronan avery nowhere to be found, and leaving poor benjamins remains to be found by alastor moody himself.

his funeral an empty casket like ariana’s.  and later on, like moody’s as well.

[benjyfenswick]

                                  I don’t

                                                  like             people

                                                                                 seeing me

                                        vulnerable

[benjyfenswick]

% ☎ #

a CURIOUS text.

[ sent — 1:17pm ]: do you still eat pastries[ sent — 1:18pm ]: or baked good. sounds manlier[ sent — 1:18pm ]: asking for a friend

a RUSHED text

[ sent — 9:47pm ]: mistake big mistake big[ sent — 9:47pm ]: come to the one place[ sent — 9:47mm ]: bring rope

a RANDOM text.

[ sent — 8:29pm ]: dogs make great companions[ sent — 8:30pm ]: as do cats but dogs are better[ sent — 8:30pm ]: i’m just saying

[benjyfenswick]

gladys gudgeon moodboard: ft. benjy fenwick // @benjyfenswick

we know what we are, but not who we may be

[benjyfenswick]

✆ ✉ oops hi

send “✆” for a MORNING text.

7:06 am: good morning, benjy!

7:07 am: i left a muffin on your desk :-)) i hope you like blueberry!!

7:08 am: have a great day!!

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.

11:05 pm: i really miss seeing you smile. and i don’t mean that fake smile i see when we’re on missions together and frank says something funny. i mean your real smile. 

11:07 pm: i just wish i could take your pain away?? you deserve so much happiness. it’s just not fair. 

[benjyfenswick]

✆ ツ %

a MORNING text. 

[ sent — 5:04am ]: rise and shine bennnnyyyyyyyy[ sent — 5:04am ]: we’re starting training at 6am SHARP[ sent — 5:15am ]: BENJAMIN WAKE UP

an EXCITED text.

[ sent — 12:34pm ]: aYYYYY GUESS WHO JUST GOT PARTNERED WITH ME FOR A MISSION THATS GUNNA TAKE AN ENTIRE WEEK[ sent — 12:35pm ]: spoiler alert: it’s u[ sent — 12:35pm ]: hpe ur hype[ sent — 12:36pm ]: hype*

a CURIOUS text.

[ sent — 8:41pm ]: hey man. are you alright? i’m sorry if this is out of the blue but you know me, i’m a Worrier. and i worry about you a lot if i’m being honest. you don’t even have to give me an honest answer just know that i worry and i’m here 24/7 bc i never fucking know how to chill. stay safe mate :)

[benjyfenswick]

a james and benjy moodboard  ( 02/?? )

      i’ll get over it                                              i just gotta be DRAMATIC  first . @goinstag

[benjyfenswick]

prewett, gideon

gideon did not know who the informant was. the leadership might not have bothered tell him- after all, benjy knew. or he might have missed it. a strong possibility of that. volunteering for this mission had not been his initial instinct. having raised his hand only after mcgonagall mentioned benjy’s name. “you think i care if you do something stupid? i live for stupid.” a sideways glance appraised the other man’s mood. not that it ever rose above dismal. this benjy fenwick bared little resemblance to his old friend. “i care about you doing something stupid alone.” and a little worried about him deciding to crawl into a ditch and never return. gideon was convinced that benjy needed people, even if benjy vehemently disagreed. “not a worry, but, you know, who we’re meant to grab, right?”

          shaking his head as they continued to press on towards the rather luxurious hotel,  benjy glanced over at his friend.  did his ears hear that right,  ---did gideon prewett not know who their informant was?   “ blimey,  prewett.  yes i know.  saw a picture of him in the debriefing. ”  this was just more reason why it should have been him doing this,  but benjy knew he had much to prove before he was granted a solo op.   “ but m’glad you’re tagging along.  i’ll do most of the work,  you just stand there and look pretty.  --s’not like you haven’t mastered that already, yeah? ”   his black shoes were the first to hit the steps of the building,  benjy’s hand pushing on the handle before they were ushered inside.  the lobby looked too elaborate for his taste and he found himself messing with the collar of his shirt.

[benjyfenswick]

a gladys and benjy aesthetic  ( 01/?? )              that’s what she was:  star dust too fragile to collect                                                          BY MERE HUMAN HANDS .             @littleglvdys​