benzillar

[benzillar]

Jul 8, 2016

dreamt to marry a minor tribe girl. the girl's family likely lives in mountainous southwestern China. according to their custom, first daughter will never marry but as heiress of family and move to second daughter's marriage as escort. I'm happy with the marriage and in the eve of wedding ceremony I talked with my brother-in-law near a campfire while eating. I let him not to allow fire wind licks my woollen shirt while I sat closely around the fire. then my past dad passed away, he unhappy my casual but insecure way near fire. he gazed me with anger then I woke up. my fiance is the second daughter of the family which has 3 daughters. and she is likely tall, thin and beautiful. yesterday bankcomm again buzzed in and talked detailedly about my family, my finance. she got my son's mom's, and my kid brother's mobile number. the dorm canteen operator also inquired how is their loan of boarding and urged they in short of cash. in the night I busy with fix typo among my sites on my wiki page. after settled it time to bed. I surfed awhile then went to bed. on bed I deeply frustrated by urged by nearby acquaintance. the operator family long time has a different tradition or culture I reckon sinful from mine. they not only hurry me to pay back their loan but also attempted blocking my boarding there. without boarding and with my frozen salary by PRC's credit administration, I will starve. the once workplace, QRRS, likely adopted a stance not to intervene. my financial crisis roots in poor salary which below ￥2000 decades. my living expense is the amount and bank commision now rises to near that amount again. God, dad, where is the way to survive the adversity the sinking PRC, the theft of my vested Empire of China, setup? how to fund my startup for China democracy and Royal of China? dad God, help me in the darkened nightmare and threatened living. bring me my Royal China, my always gospel, my crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, to shine over my troubled pool of finance. bring me peace in building up my kingdom of plenty and prosperous miles after miles. after all God, dad, I in faith of you and vow to follow the glorious path on the soverein in eastern Asia.

Jul 5, 2016

in dawn dream I with my son, woz, made a huge package each under PRC's surveillance against adversity. woz's even bigger than mine. last Friday the dorm canteen operator demanded me returning their loan of boarding for they in short of cash. I have no way but my work place to seek last help. so I visited my once department leader, now assistant manager of QRRS, and discussed my unbalanced situation. he asked for my mobile and promised informing me if his leader board has any solution extends to me. returned to dorm, bankcomm clerk woman buzzed in. I talked about my housing public fund which intact in accumulation so far. I suggested her to elaborate that source with my workplace leader. last Saturday afternoon I brought my son watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)" and we both satisfied. his mom tentatively arranged my son's schedule too pushy to allow us dwelling more together. my son's mobile, a nexus, very specifically target hacked, disabled vpn, google play store and revealed messenger. I also lost temper upon my son's loose management over security. but God dad, isn't they can't afford their losing and barked louder now to upset us? the sinking PRC surveillance, the dog system, from start to end is a failure. they boast their triumph, times and times targeted my son's computers, they in fact chasing its own tail like mad dog. God, dad, I was aging and hostile in my circumstance alerts me of hidden dangers or revenge of nobody. God, dad, I wouldn't exit with regret. for glory of Son I will bring about, for Empire of China reset ahead of 1109 years, I will stride to explore till shiny holy paved. dad God, grant me freedom of financial independence. bring me my Royal China to tip turn the sinking PRC dictation , and freaky atheism worship now insaner and mortaler. let my cyber startup booms.

Jun 27, 2016

Dreamt of 2nd son of my 2nd brother sick, his brain grows out of skull. Then dreamt bank clearance clerk and cops visited my house, scan my documents, tool box, all stuff about my entrepreneur. My once workplace, QRRS cable TV branch, its most crews gathered likely with subpoena. Some of them suggested me handover my most recent and cherished tool box. I admit and suggested the searching clerk about the toolbox but found the toolbox missing. Then I out of rage and burst in angers. Its raining and likely in my hometown village, Zhudajiu. I also during the investigation doubting add a TOS, Term of Service onto my websites from template my site’s dynamic backend web app offers. My nephew appears again trying to calm me, with his illness. Last weekend bankcomm.com clearance clerk informed me 3 times before shift my case to its law enforcement department after I admit unable to pay after 3 months. They tried best to prevent it by persuading me to gather the amount, about ￥3000, to hand in time. But I really sick to beg my alumni, my relatives again after these 3 months my finance fell in trouble and lots of survival clinch bank devised. The bankcomm soon buzzed my relatives, including my 3rd elder sister then forward to kid brother, a foolish and mean man with his startup, and my son woz. I got the phone to my son on the bus to dine out after shower. I debated my situation with the clerk woman and still felt innocent and of integrity. My son dislikes my trouble and urged me leave him alone soon after we returned to his mom’s house, where we ate melon with newly handover fruit subscription barely from my kid brother’s just arrived loan, ￥300 in addition ￥100 cellphone recharge, with which woz's glasses also replaced as planned years ago and his mom with her mom refused to loan 400rmb even guaranteed by woz's lunar new year's received gift money ￥900 from my old family hometown took over by the bitch at once after our 2nd flight tour to southern China in Feb 2016, and woz's alipay leftover recent years I gifted him but frozen temporarily by PRC policy over my credit crisis, resulted in burst of anger and hate each sides. In dorm the possible encountering cops and law enforcement staff from bank haunted my mind while I started reading. Later I jogged as usual. This morning I napped all the morning, for last night my son, woz ported a night in my dorm and too small bed let me lack of sleep. Dad God, we have faith in your salvage after all. Grant me independent finance and focus in my cyberspace startup. Bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the bright future of young Chinese, as well as due respect of adults in sinking PRC. Thx for the holy affirmative and sunny summer sky since yesterday.

Jun 25, 2016

dreamt of uncle passed in my teenage. Its a sunny morning, but in dawn dream I first time dreamt my dad's youngest brother who deceased in his 40 or 50s'. my dad's eldest brother, a long time admirer of my dad's marriage and family together even we were poorer, also appeared in the village, ie outside of uncle's house. they entrusted me to find their workplace, a factory. I tried to digitalize manually drawn map, and also google map and searched both for location of their work unit and their concerned persons. its a bit weird for I never dreamt my uncle before. but God, dad, I in holy didn't believe in ghost. this morning my salary officially freezed. I have to live with bare hands. the canteen didn't show refusal but reserved. I will have to borrow to pay mobile fee. my weekends reunion with my son will only support one meal in 2 days, and the only meal on Sunday will also endangered. meanwhile my world web access turns stable after 3 or more showily hackings from PRC dictative curtain. dad God, the credit crisis really draining me, buffet my mood of living happy. I took challenge, took investment, took entrepreneur in recent years, but I now eagerer to land safely and home. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China to guard my family and offspring, guarant Chinese to independent and China from totally collapse, like Mideastern Arab's wasteland. grant me freedom of financial independence, grant my Empire glory of plenty to be creative and magnitude social factors coexist and supportive.

[benzillar]

Jun 20, 2016

dreamt in our family's cabin. we had a party, inc my niece and guest girls. then a guy spied us and joined our shuttercock game. we together beat the guy till he confessed his role. its late night, then we found in another room of the cabin, my niece lonely slept and fears darkness. then we sorry and visited her as companions. we competed with poems, including my nephews, for the peaceful night. yesterday I had good time with my son. since last week I warned him pedophobia he now loathed to hear my babbles, for my warn likely put his mightiness in constrain. but he is so selfless and soon accepted my companion again. I fed him with his favorite Chinese franchise restaurant, Seejoys dunplings, where I only have less than ￥50 in purse and constantly afraid of can't pay our bill there. next day, Sunday we dined Japanese cuisine whose bill paid by our subscription digitally. after shower I escorted him all the afternoon now that his mom not at home, till the grandma prepared supper. I complained boring after we tried video games and waiting for downloading. then I massaged woz, whose neck and back under heavy usage in his frequent android gaming and my concern to keep its resilient. my son more or less enjoys it. after that I tried ice bag we recently ordered online for cooling our legacy game notebook and works perfect, we applied it on woz's neck, head. later he wrote awhile his homework and I continued trying to sell the ice treatment. after returned to dorm, I busy restored my os which damaged by China surveillance, first time it tentatively disabled my vpn and forced me rebuilding it. the iron curtain previously constantly broke in but maintained my world web accessible. but they never gave up blocking my son browsing western video websites. God, dad, grant my son richer entertainment, esp overseas movies and TVs. forever win us broader access of world democracy and its media, esp google and twitter, etc, to ensure our source of sound news and judgement. help me cope my credit crisis with triumph, help my cyberspace startup succeeds.

Jun 18, 2016

yesterday dreamt snakes everywhere around me. this dawn dreamt borrow books from my 2nd elder brother and sister. then found in a month I will graduate and without job. so I go to Lhasa to work. but there my nephew, ie. first son of my 2nd elder sister and his son and other relatives electronic sucked and lots of panic, including some of evilous students I found from those paid my son's mom to receive her tuition at her house when I visited son. at last I tried to rescue my relatives and entered the electrified room, consulted nearby kids about safe spots, jumped and trying to reach lever to cut down leaking power then woke up. this week a bit busy, upgrading my son's intel nuc with new and larger ssd bought by my supportive credit card from PSBC even in credit crisis. China surveillance heavily attacked me when I prepare clean OS and backup on it. they desperate broke the minipc and blocked my son from enjoy American movies and videos through VPN I prepared. each time within a week after my clean built they ruin the encrypted tunnel, make youtube and amazon video inaccessible. and this month my once and long time employer, QRRS, likely busier with orders. my purse almost empty but now new salary would improve it and better. credit card issuer bank buzzed but now we are more polite, except PSBC didn't call in so far, on air. and some of them threatened shift me to its law enforcement department but yet happened. but the dorm canteen operator who lent me boarding before my promised pay, turns complainful. last night a heavy rain loudly sang when I bought dine out groupon by PSBC credit online. its just so blessing, so I dropped my son a phone even I doubt if its too late around 9pm. but he is agile to pick the phone, as holy affirmed. this noon I will reunite him in champion of new availability of entertainment. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to host my family. bring lifestyle we enjoyed so far. help me alleviate credit crisis in this month salary. grant us happy weekends every week.

Jun 10, 2016

dreamt in campus with my Nankai Univ alumni again in practice lesson. I lost track when team launched. on half way I met some kids, I rewarded some coins to a smart boy. when I caught up with the team, they were leaving. I confused why these physics lessons so hard to learn and discussed my problem with others, like ballistic track, pounding force, etc. some of my alumni told me and I gradually grasped it, for human have right to know what's going on in their life. so science sometimes knows as curious as fun, doesn't always mean to change courses, to fix something, but it tells truth even boring truth. I met lots of classmates including girls when I arrived the camp. on farewell party I suggested a toast and lots of biddings echo from my classmates then I woke up. a rain in dawn turns clear even in my dream. its a mid size rain, raindrops make happy rhythm like my hometown central China summer rains. last night I first intended to suffer starvation with the only noodle meal, for my only have 30rmb in purse. near 9pm, hunger let me blue, I tried to shift focus from it but failed. then I gave in and intended to watch and dine out my son today, for according PRC calendar the Sunday will be a workday. I will have to shower on Saturday rather than usual Sunday lest my son has no vacation to do it for schooling. then I relieved and ate a candy I prepared for my son's visit. later hunger even urgent and I had to cost ￥5 for a street vendor snack nearby in the night. God, dad, when is we in no want? when our enjoyed lifestyle makes us heartedly settled? bring me sooner my Royal China to host my guests and under Holy glory of plenty we cheer up. grant me my cyber startup booming and credit as safe and likes a breeze.

Jun 9, 2016

lunar dragon boat day holiday slides in before my notice. this morning missed canteen breakfast among dreams and naps in early wakeup, or the dorm canteen already closed service in holiday like usual. in boring morning I felt all world pales out in others' celebration, left me alone and lonely. I felt cold and napped in quilt for warmth. near noon I ate noodles in nearby restaurant after found canteen out of service. the sunshine is faultlessly bright, but it a bit too stinging for sunbath. I missed my son very much but decided follow Christian calendar to reunite him in weekends, ie day after yesterday, and for the sake of my poor wallet, which left no more than ￥30. this week my credit card issuer bank buzzed several times, and I promised CCB whose clearance clerk woman quite sincere that I will pay it first with this month salary. bankcomm confirmed my unable to pay in time more than 3 times, likely will adopt next phrase operation to secure its property. PSBC still helping me with its credit, allowing me to buy what I need, like SSD harddisk and other item online, but its clearance clerk man too coarse to handle, just cursed me times and times likely repulses me with disgusting or maltreatment. in the afternoon I napped again to avoid boringness, I dreamt my shared workplace visited by 2 pals of my colleague, likely one of my Nankai Univ alumnus now lives in Canada, or the youngest son of my uncle, who both tall and bigger build. they invited me to name their company and trying using office computer to find solution. I was a bit afraid them using my computer, so I tried in mess and harsh to logout my computer but can't find keyboard in piles of paperworks prompt. then I suddenly shout out my answer, Tian'an in Chinese, totally safe or heavenly safe. my alumnus approached me to cheer up before I woke up. its sunny now outside. with classic music rather than podcast recently I listened more on google play I felt in right mood under bliss. God, dad, my income shortage now weights me down. I saw in decades my earnings from my blog and websites hardly supports lifestyle we enjoyed so far including my son since powered by credit card. dad, God, only your Mightiness covers our incomplete of life support. grant us freedom of financial independence. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the brilliant way ahead. boost my web presence and traffic that means. catalyze my cyberspace startup to success. dad, I'm so complacent with my web assets. secure them and let it deserve our effort to bring it out.

Jun 3, 2016

in dawn dream reviewed my passed mother helped my aunt’s last child with her 2nd husband preparing his wedding ceremony. I regarded the 2nd husband humiliated my dad and hostile toward my dad and our family’s success. but my mother always tried her best shown her hospitality to the man and my uncle who admired her. my mother likely hurt my dad much with her charm unselective and spare no expense. I was asked to join the wedding ceremony in my summer vacation and according customs carried bride’s gift to fiance’s family with other young relatives in our old family. on way a steep wet slope a heavy truck almost can’t brake itself and dangerously slip downward and almost brought me down. I narrowly escaped the truck with load of gifts and many years after I thought its a holy salvage. the marriage didn’t last 3 years and the wife left. my mother just can’t trust her husband and fought with all her resources in her interest. then dreamt I made 3 portable devices for data mobility. the design so effective that I intended to shift to my son. this week began with idling then gradually engaged. yahoo informed me to logon to keep account active. when logon it require verification from backup mailbox, ie. google account. in the process quite some of zhone google accounts suspended for suspicious activities, likely PRC backed hacking. I tried several means to report to google, which likely doesn’t support human individual handling, but machinary rules. but 3 days later, last night my accounts unlocked and I rearranged them as planned. its such champion like a breeze, I sang for the heroic giant public company. this week my credit card issuer bank buzzed 3 or more occasions, we agreed to shift my unable to pay back to next phrase, even I don’t know what will be. my youngest elder sister offered me ￥500 and I used it for weekend reuniting my son, ie. dining out, and my medicine. I also tried to reach out to my teenage friend, now works in college, but in vain. the teacher felt guilty upon his empty hand and tried to assign me in some agenda to whitewash remnant of his redemption. God, dad, life here runs deeper now. let’s enjoy peace of everyday. bring me sooner my Royal China to host my guests. bring me glory of Son. grant me independent finance in my startup. thx for the descending summer heat.

[benzillar]

May 26, 2016

dreamt of students protest and negotiation. after woz 11 years birthday gathering, last night I slept deep. dreamt likely in Peking Univ I gathered support students and went strike against ruling authority. my passed mother likely there cooked for canteen and listening my appeal for student's right which is vivid in dream but after breakfast untraceable. yesterday I finally told dorm canteen operator that my salary freezed by bank and I penniless. she admitted my loan for boarding. my support son's living cost also cancelled, his mom already informed by me when she inquired how I will handle the loan crisis last Sunday, but even worse, I unable to hand over son's educational plan deposit, 200rmb/monthly as promised. she refused joining celebration I prepared for woz's 11 years birthday. locked herself in bedroom with her mother. I let my son waited for his mom return from her workplace is a waste. when kindles in position on cake by my son, we ran out of match, nor lighter. I previously intended asking son's mom to live cast the party via twitter's periscope but in reality I had to using woz's nexus cellphone live stream on our own. its aweful clumsy but at least its our first live show. I quickly left my son after the reporting, in the air of contemptuous the evil woman casted upon us. in the night I published our video of the cake party, our monologue. its a chill summer, now its cloudy again in the morning. but its far from clueless. God, dad, bring us lifestyle we enjoy. grant me financial independence, esp supportive for my son's teenage. bring me my Royal China and my new family to save the broken and sinking PRC in its shrink of deterioration. prepare me for greater event in my life.

May 25, 2016

first dreamt I have extra flesh loosely attached around edge of my feet. I carefully cut them off and my 2nd brother found worms in it. I watched it and saw 2 worms alive and my brother claim he saw more much smaller I didn't see. then I thought now that I long time can't gain my master degree in campus I should consider a job for living. I reckoned teaching English and perfect my language skill as mean. my niece asked me shift my tool, a picker to her, I admitted but loathed. then the ground floor of the building, an office of editors of a publish house, full with staff lately returned. when I retreated, I saw a guy on way and though him too poor, so I intended to offer him ¥5 in charity. but the guy shamelessly chased after me and impatiently peeking my purse and attempted using his picker like thief to take bill from it. I took too long to find ¥5 bill and enough by the harassment of the guy and canceled my offer. by a shallowly underground well, some woman murmured what a pity, seemingly I lost a chance to gain from my last kindness. I thought they know something I don't know but too many possibilities or conspirations led me indecisive and woke up. previously in dawn dream I painted and let my artist friends, esp. Tibet artist Benba Chungdak, check it. he likely respects it. this month my salary reached a historic low at ¥1468, which even can't cover our living expense, ie. my son and myself. I have anticipated it restored to normal, around 3000rmb, so hard. God, dad, what's the hell ahead for falling with sinking PRC, poverty and beyond protection of social welfare or civil war's cannon fodder? dad, God, what challenge I was set in? bring me sooner my Royal China for the salvage. bring me painless through adversity currectly emcompasses me. remove the crucifixion the Son reraised from. I with happiness with the Holy in the unprecedented glory.

May 20, 2016

dreamt of social motivation. in dawn dream I was in team to allocate social resources. I assign reward/award for every personel enrolled, encode frequent used amount into quantity unit, embed short code replacing frequently used long terms like compression in propaganda slogans, which includes Zhao Benshang’s northeastern Chinese folk ballad, 二人转. civil war’s fog topmost heavy in the dream, we do our best to prepare for it. my old family’s enemy, the second husband of my aunt and his offspring, one of them is our neighbor in hometown village Zhudajiu, tempted me comment on his youngest brother’s performance, I said he is kind and popular. my passed mother in dream then asked me about myself, I said anyone knows me respects me. the enemy agreed. my mother glad upon my reputation. the dream is very clear and I needn’t hurry to blog after I woke up. this week I mostly peacefully enjoy silence before change. I watched more movies online, esp love stories which remind me of my broken love in Nankai Univ with a tall Chinese girl collegian, and faultless escort of my crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, when she studies abroad with us. I also bathed more in noon sunshine now that summer weather gradually steps in. Qiqihar this summer peculiarly cold among world report of increased temperature most places on the earth. last night I watched a Japanese episode, life in additional time. first episode about a youth values vocation more important than family and died on site and regret for his family he even didn’t know still loving him. second about common family how hard to find a better commodity like a richer meal in routine life. the good wife risk her life to bring a beef meal for her family before her decrease on rush road for discount meat. that reminds me of my burden in my trying best to support my son a better life so far, lends us to credit deficit. but I don’t regret, and only Christian saves China and Japan. only YHWH blesses world of no shortage but plenty and glory in plenty. out of him poverty and chaos breeds like rats and murders like norm, esp. in Buddhism, confucianism and Islamism, in Asia and Africa. God, dad, thanks for the holy sign of rejoice. grant us a peaceful reunion this afternoon when I dine out my son grill mutton. dad, God, grant me more agile growth in my cyberspace existence. bring me my Royal China and its outline from distant view when I moulding Empire of China. fill my heart with love and brave. thx for the summer morning, God.

May 15, 2016

dreamt of summit. yesterday is exhausting for me after reunited with my son, woz, my most concerned. I told him my new source of confidence, new strategy to cope current hard finance. I brought him dine out with Islamic cuisine with which I again groupon and paid by my credit digitally, our favorite mean of dining out but forgiven this year for credit crisis and slump economy. my son less surprised but maintained acknowledged. I also tried to prepare his smart TV with more functions the android os powered. in dorm in the dawn I dreamt assigned to write speech for boss who will lecture on the summit. I managed separate headline and body of the speech, embed my family domains' site each part, for more appearance of zhone cyberspace existence. when the summit gathered, the keynote didn't take place, I only saw the labor union chairman of QRRS, a guy almost same period enrolled by the SOE and more or less acquaintance. I watched far from the hot circle of audience among the party and some QRRS staff playful with me nearby. we gradually retreated upstairs and I woke up lately. I don't know why I felt so sleepy, but I now have more time to sleep while my whole business stable and in early stage which means more patience. I likely wouldn't find myself another job to make a living, for I resolved to sit and dwelt with hardest situation in sinking PRC, my vested kingdom. I needn't another option to flee from my people, my land which so fertile and sustaining. I have vocation and proud of it, which is not weak one nor too feeble prone to protection of peer stable source of feed. I don't need a second occupation for sacrifice in my main concern, my kingdom and cyberspace startup. that's my rebirth of confidence from void in wane of hardness these weeks. God, dad, save my nation from broken, save us from starving and scatter of exile. grant me regal life with my son, my girls I entreated so far online. bring me life style we enjoy so far, remove my debt burden step by step when beholding my enterprise online. dad, God, help me live healthy and resilient in my mid-age.

watchwoz 11 years birthday video online

or https://youtu.be/dSJNS8yCMb4

https://youtu.be/fQVEUagAaTM

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1gqxvARDdzqJB

[benzillar]

May 7, 2016

dreamt first about resort in farming field to treat insomnia. my once colleague in QRRS, Chi, a shameless bureaucracy career chaser, also in the farm resort and likely surveillance me. then dream being a rebellion, with his 2 comrades, one titled cloud blade, 云锋 in Chinese, one titled period blade, 节锋 in chinese. the latter likely betrayed to and murdered by our enemies. I with cloud blade probing the missing of our comrade, among risky mob of rebellions and counter rebellions. its a pale morning since last drizzling night. I missed 2 breakfasts and kept awake earlier not to miss it again. yesterday PSBC local branch buzzed first time out of its HQ that its his last call before possible seizure of my salary card if I unable return credit deficit in time in last chance. if so, I would have to make a living alone beside salary offered by my once and long time employer, QRRS, an old style SOE, whose poor salary forces me to loan and miserable. I yet configured the ethic aspect of my financial status, but likely change occurs now, for surviving myself and my son. finding a job always daunting challenge for me, used to be casual and common. lower salary or lower skill intensified, that's likely a balance I will strike. God, its not easy for a man in his near 50s to be relocated. grant us life we enjoy so far. grant us balance between personal achievement and social contribution. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China to boast sinking PRC. bring me affordable entrepreneur for better life and time management, affirm me my building endeavor of China Empire, as well as cyberspace startup, valuable.

May 1, 2016

dreamt of Islamic woman and fantastic scene. yesterday dinned in a Islamic restaurant we haunted a lot and where I especially amazed by the hostess for her exotic beauty. in dawn dream I with the woman on a giant dam control unit and watching huge flow. I then on guestbook chose a heroic name as my name. then in a comic movies scene I chatted with female partner and experienced adventure. I again chose a historic name as my signature. I tried to blog but its too cold to open my pc right the moment after woke up. I napped again and in dream I wording details for blog in dawn time. when I actually started to blog on my chromebook half put on, most memories gone. last week busy with reinstall os on woz’s 2 pcs which lagging and likely hacked by government of PRC. lots of data, esp. online games, await to restore before we enjoy the fruit of a cleaner system. one of my credit card issuer, ICBC, warned of possible freeze my salary card before I fully return its credit due. I reported danger of the scenario to my hometown relatives, ie. my elder brothers. they likely mobilized to try to help, but so far result unknown. I badly need ￥9000 injecting to my bad debt to re-enable recycle of my credits quota and living cost, while my relatives insisted disabled all my credit card forever, for they don’t want to respond with my debt, esp credit anymore. I love my credit card, my websites online. they engage me with workload and manageable, allow me define my maker from nothing, like what my dearest dad did and enable all my destiny on the earth. God dad, please allow me cultivate on my vested land. allow me grow vegetables in my backyard. I’m now in my prime light while aging makes daily work more definitive personally. rid me off anxiousness of living expense, focus me on building and expanding cyberspace reality under Holy affirmative. bring me sooner my Royal China for the better China Empire in 1109 years ahead. bring me my girls and offspring that’s vital for my destiny.

Apr 24, 2016

dream of my new wedding ceremony. my passed parents prepared me for new marriage. my 2nd elder brother trusted to manage custom and celebration team from the village, Zhudajiu. I saw my parents-in-law, my fiance, who is shy free and visited us the night before the rite. I saw clear I never saw her. last week banks' call for returning credit deficit were frequent. I buzzed my 2nd brother, kid brother and 2nd sister. my kid brother, likely the only one who affordable to help, always felt frustrated upon my conversation or appeal, refuted me 2 times, but finally called me back last Saturday. he got all my credit card number, likely trying to cancel them. he said banks' call disrupted him a lot and can't bear it without actively dealt my problem. God, no matter how large the problem, I always look my business bright in the end. but I really don't know how to return the ¥70000 in my so pinched situation. this month my salary in 3 serie months as low as ¥1800. I had to borrow to live up. my son woz last Friday night visited my dorm. we ate grilled mutton as scheduled. I don't feel like to put him in panic of economic slump. he more and more silent upon my trying insistently preserving elegant life we deserve. God, dad, I want get through hardness alone, with hope and prayer. God, I'm confident my debt, ¥75000, is not a big sin. help me re-verifying it. this spring chill lingers, and put my dorm quite uncomfortable. bring me sooner summer heat with life we enjoy. bring me sooner my Royal China for grace. save Japan from earthquake suffering, save my crowned Queen, Asoh Yukiko, and show us the union fastens our 2 nations in close eastern Asia.

Apr 17, 2016

dreamt of my once brother-in-law. this week I restored my 3 dynamic sites powered by web apps. cleaning data costs some time, but godaddy's cpanel quite helpful and setup quick. yesterday I demonstrated my work to my son, woz, Hope of China, and confessed how I love my own hut of communication, my own publication like the website. this dawn I dreamt visiting my passed eldest sister's house. my eldest sister committed suicide in her prime time, likely after long time disharmonious with her husband. I love my sister very much and my old family in debt of my sister for her marriage with a worker whose life much easier than ours in early toughest time of PRC. I dreamt my siblings gathered to visit my eldest sister's house. on a fork road stop before we reach her house, we met our brother-in-law, a widow then in dream and re-married in reality, trying repair his tricycle. his son, my cousin grew up his teenage in my old family after his mother's passed by and under my parents' custody with his younger sister, offer a silent helping hand in the house and delayed there after most of my siblings left for his mom. I tried to blog after got up but memory scattered and I napped again. then dreamt I was forbidden to communicate with the brother-in-law, but get a "matb" certificate of permission to create access with the past. I also dreamt I on my website considering published a worker's poems. he is an employee of my once workplace, QRRS. his poems mostly old styled and mirrors PRC old custom in communism. I likely then attending a site owners' seminar. last week PSBC bank urged me to return overdrawal of my credit card. I contacted my senior middle school alumni and one of them offered me ¥1000. even I badly need ¥5000 to facilitate fluit of my credit, I can't blame my alumnus' poor kindness. I hope step by step break barrier of locked credit. God dad, my web site, esp powered by database and web apps, is my contribution to the world voices. pl help me maintain it and let it booms. grant me renew my hosting plan graceful and reasonably secured duration. grant us the cosy workspace we enjoy now. bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls and my offspring in time. dad, let my dearest eldest sister stays in my heart and forever in love. let the coming history witnesses the blessing her concerned.

[benzillar]

Apr 8, 2016

So I napped again after a sandstorm noon. I dreamt using water as fuel and a pair of light wings. I flied over a slop and carefully calculated fuel consuming. on the hill of my hometown, I finally ran out of water fuel and woke up. in the past week banks called me several times but now less burning. I hope my business outruns the ever accumulating profit in addition principal in a decade. this week financial hardness embarrassed me so miserable that sometimes humbled me to bite, esp occasionally an old cop near retired age ate his rich lunch in dorm canteen with his pal in canteen. after restored hope of life, my dinners in canteen even delicious since then, from complain of loan from its operating woman. this week my restoring dynamic sites also makes proud progress. backup partially imported to new database, and fresh web apps targeting new domains tried and satisfying. our new site gathers thin traffic but God, plenty of holy world, let me feel capable of the online presence now and then. my own especially glad to see these beautiful huts of interactive, of hospitality, of service, regardless sunshine nor turbulence. they will be history and morality, will be testimony of holy commitment. previously I tried hard to build them on google infrastructure, but now financial situation hardly support it, and compatibility with php less satisfying. now I found cheaper hosting at godaddy. and free hosting at byet.host. God, dad, let the freedom of cyberspace persistent, let the internet affordable forever. above all of them, I gladful upon hardware upgrade last year I pushed recklessly. dad God, bring me sooner my Royal China to foster good world closing the sinking PRC, bring me sooner my children, my girls with whom I prayed so long online. in coming salary pl allow me to alleviate more or less my credit overdraw burden. grant us purchase power among my dear credit cards. thx, dad, in this chill afternoon. Photo Description: woz, Hope of China, has painting lesson arranged by his mom. here his talent artwork in early stage.

Apr 5, 2016

dreamt first time of youth friend, Qiuxiaolin. yesterday I napped several times but still today felt exhausted. after canteen breakfast I satisfied and napped. I dreamt Qiu xiaolin, my Nankai alumnus and close friend of literature, visited me in my hometown. some neighbor kids, Zhudehua, Zhuhongying, etc, played our pingpang ball. sometimes they asked my judge for who can play. I told them there are several balls and enough for them. Qiu must discuss our favorite literature and also relaxed with kids and fun. I had 2 friends in campus. one is Qiu, another is BianbaQingda, Tibetan artist I never contacted soon after I stepped into my empirical career in QRRS. that's nearly 20 years ago. Qiu is now likely a professor in his hometown, southwestern China. Bianba's paintings getting gallery public and must also return to his hometown, Lasha. and that's all I knew. they have my best wishes. yesterday is lunar mourning day, dorm canteen out of service again. I ate KFC breakfast and a cheap but consolidate lunch. the additional cost made my reserve for reunite son in weekends in April turns even poorer. God dad, grant me freedom of living dignity. empower me rent hosting service online for my business on the earth in holy affirmative. bring me sooner my Royal China to enlighten the eastern sky. thx for peaceful moment of nap and crisp air after last dusk drizzle.

Apr 4, 2016

dreamt of my Nankai schoolmates visited my house in their study. last Saturday I worked overnight to install ubuntu on my son's computer which frequently hacked by China surveillance. so this morning I napped. in dream when I returned to my house likely also my woz's mom's, to my surprise, all my Nankai alumni there resting, playing card, chatting, etc in their travel, just like when we studied in campus. they likely in their 2nd field practice except without me who is old and trying hard to make a living. I saw Chenxinjian, Chengfeng I recently contacted for help, also saw Muyunhe, Wangyanping, alumna whose comment is acid and sharp, saying I getting old. they all settled in my house at home. this month my salary in serial was around ¥2000 while my living cost for my son and my own is that amount and additionally bank charges ¥1000 for my credit overdrawal. in frequent banks calls, I felt more or less burnout. I contacted some of my senior middle school alumni for help. most of them evade me, but a promising guy, our once unbeatable academic score champion and financial institution crew since graduation, acquainted my hardness. last Sunday reunite woz, my dearest son, Hope of China, is quite warm memory now. we dined rich, played games heartedly, chatted on profound far sighted topics. upon my shortage I offered him 2 options, less visit or dine cheaper, he chose the latter, which made me prouder. its sunny spring now, fine weather these 2 days encourages me putting on my best clothes. God's mercy, my nephew, elder son of my dearest youngest elder sister, who operates an online clothes shop, prepared me some alternatives. God, dad, my life so far is enjoyable. pl don't deprive our leisure and pleasure in the moulding of our Empire of China of 1109 years ahead. only living happy deserves our vested kingdom. pl help me step by step relieve my burden of bank loan, and grant us of purchasing power continuous. thx dad, bring me sooner my girls when we matter each other. enliven me by my children I breed and attend full heart. thx for this silent morning after KFC breakfast.

Mar 21, 2016

dreamt of international cargo. in dawn dream, I prepared my packages to Sweden where I will study. on half way I found my packages missing. then found I mispelled and hijacked by malware. on half way where there is crowd watching soccer world champion, I miserable search all hijacked packages' label and corrected them to my designated destiny while maintained hijacked address untouched but move it to lower propriety for forensic and wouldn't executed for trial and test. then in remote country I possibly waiting for the only missing package uncorrected, and doubting if its a serial compression in which missing a member package will ruin all others, or all independent compressed packages in which missing one will only affect itself content. the dream likely an echo of what I saw last night I returned from visiting my son. on the bus stop I noticed railway station setup its cargo handling office where previously rented to 3rd party business likely small hotel, etc. its likely now has their business booming and office restored. I saw 2 young couples leaving from the office and likely they fetched their cargo. I enjoyed online shopping last year so much. now the PRC government installed higher tariff trying smoother overseas purchases booming among Chinese middle class. its a whole pack aiming prevent Chinese better informed shifting from poor Chinese quality to world including political, life, society, ethic all aspects. dictative PRC attempting stop losing customers inland by monopolize their poor official offer like north Korea where people lame generations and generations of prey. how I cherish overseas purchases last year and cozy of online shoppings which now almost impossible under my current hard financial situation. God dad, PRC sinking dictation want harness domestic consuming boost economy and employment while never afford losing control on market, the most important role in industrialized production chain, and through which American people and world economy help China in past decades so much to allow diligent Chinese labors, mostly peasants engaged full fledged and improved their lives nonstop in more than 40 years. the ccp is a bitch, grace never sheds light in its stoned heart, and relentlessly sinking China with it when times ditching them with their poor quality and means of troublemaking. dad God, bring me sooner my Royal China and my beloved children, my queens for peace and pleasure of now. please ease my credit deficit and allow me shopping online as usual. in the coming salary allow me make use to alleviate my debt burden more or less.

[benzillar]

in closet of financial pinch.

Mar 17,2016

dreamt of once enemy in old work place. these days daunted by difficulty in setup web apps on google app engine, I rested myself and enjoy reading online more routinely. it can be boring and I napped after noons. this noon nap I dreamt with my son fought against punishment in game in which I tried to gain network administrator job while the cable TV network equipment exporter company from Beijing teased me with my QRRS cable TV director, with whom the battle since put me jobless. they disliked me and blocked me with quizs. I also dreamt of my Nankai alumni with whom I begged help before my 2nd flight tour with my son, in bank's urgency to confirm credit positive, and informed with my cyberspace brand searchable. in weeks my domestic blogs at lofter.com cencored. he likely a part of PRC surveillance, and likely by his effects my custom domains with lofter.com all removed, blogs' access resumed after near a week's prohibition. in the dream I also saw why once colleague in QRRS cable TV, assigned accountant still prefered spreadsheet, excel, to automatic database software I long suggested, to manage customer's fee. he might co-operated with the director using primitive tool to obtain more control on departmental sales for their profits stealthily. recently I dreamt my son more occasions and sometimes in sexual dreams I even can't differentiate him from my beloved girls. that reminds me my sins of being single so long and female around fondless. God dad, I never stopped praying for my true love, my beautiful girls I called upon my blog so long. I admire young girl in time for marriage so long anytime I perceive with my eyes daylight. grant me Asoh Yukiko, my TW girl, girl Lyu, with whom I still in profound aspiration. grant me new family and more children. God dad, I don't compete with anyone for offspring, like most Chinese and Arab do, but I feel 3 or 4 children will prefect me and nature. dad, this world, our family duty under oath to Holy, makes it necessary to maintain the Royal prosperous. help me achieve the sweet task I won't gave up before destiny. lower my deficit to bank and enable their purchase power. God, help me enjoy the cosy of dynamic website, free my frustrations during building on google computing infrastructure.

Mar 13,2016

returned from abruption. nearly a month after our 2nd flight tour I busy with restoring my work space and our dynamic sites. this morning I slept sound and dreamt of my passed mother. in first phrase I dreamt of windows’ encryption. I found myself among Hubei Province folks busy with building its provincial hall. on the roof unfinished, I found windows encryption is a system function that can be called anytime, not likely previously presumably through compressing password encrypted. one of my Huanggang alumni, Huang Linzhong, stood under the building site and talked with me. then dreamt with my son and my mother in hometown village. I bought my son a huge ice stick which almost as big as my son. he likes it and enjoyed it on way and somewhat dirt coats it for too large to hold. passed month I was so busy, several overnights on system restore that made my ear vulnerable and painful. through the process I quite familiar with windows setup via hard disk, with aid of windows pe environment. Google is an indispensable helping tool for problem solving. with it I safely assert here that English world community’s informative quality much better than Chinese counterpart. China surveillance no doubt interfered amid my efforts, but God’s bliss lifts me from trouble and hopelessness. these days they even targeting my only pleasure in night, English TV programs. I have 3 days apart from my favorite episodes due to media delivers too lagging. they also times and times broke down my son’s computer VPN, aiming evades him from English and Christian I endeavored to put him forth. they shamelessly sent their children aided by their dirty earns abroad, but banned domestic English access and bound Chinese with their tombstone sinking in sins. what they losing is not a battle of new world and new life, but a hope of survival in their doomed warfare and division. from now on I will try to resume my old dynamic sites, zho.io and forum of zhuson.com. financial situation is huge hard, I pray relief so hard to live affordable. after all I have faith in my building Empire of China in my title. I believe I endorsed to continue my brand promotion cyberspace. I didn’t change as to shoulder the responsibility of Royal China. God dad, bring me sooner my new family with my children forsaked when I productive. bring me sooner my girls in our happy time and vital. grant me purchasing power among my credit cards, and sustain my assets, esp English world one, I bought in online gradually. in every cent I spent shows my decision’s value and precise. thx, dad God, in this sunny morning.

Feb 16,2016

research election campaign in dream. dreamt of modern election exercise. this dawn dreamt detailedly in a election campaign. I carefully watched classes of people brought afore. the result not so sure and caucus hard to judge for win. after got up I had to breakfast in KFC a bus stop away second time after landed from the flight. the dorm canteen operator returned from lunar vacation but lack impetus to open service. my dorm working environment quite intactly kept, in a day I settled most necessary updates and instalment. in face of unclear financial difficulties in 2016, I pray solely my job here may complete. credit overdraw urgently need return for fluid, but I now haven’t cash to facilitate the process. last night after shut down pc, I casually peeked the possibility of hostility and ill will in my kid brother’s family treated us in our 2nd flight tour. they might hate us and attempted hurt us. there is possible battle among my old family upon dad’s inheritor. after all 2 KFC breakfast is delicious and my focus improved. Dad God, grant me bonus this salary day to ease my credit crisis. empower my credit card’s purchase and readiness in its mobility of currency. bring me sooner my Royal China when it matters. grant us adequate life style we enjoyed so far. thx, dad God.

[benzillar]

＃God

9/2/2016

time to reckon back way. dreamt of madly promoting my Royal of China. first I appeared in campus canteen. I found my spoon missing. I afraid it was contaminated and search it. my Nankai Univ alumni, Zhang Chongfu appears. then in the crowd of leaving school students in campus, I turned more and more desperately promoting the message that I was the Emperor owning the country. some parents, including a parent and also likely a teacher, heart me carefully. I then acclaimed I will pay her triple times her cost even I doubt it would be costly for the throne. then I saw Peng Jinglei, one of my Huanggang senior middle school alumni, just in the crowd, I acknowledged him, "how is Peng Dehuai in ur family?", his sweats dropped like tears. I then woke up. Its first dream in which I dreamt of confronting my alumni truth I declared so long in cyberspace, my Empire from my ancestor, and madness in persistence in adversity. my 2nd flight tour with my son, woz, near its end. even now I felt sleepy, for my brother's family usually went to bed around mid night. in lunar new year they crazy with gift cash and video talk with hometown village folks. I spent lots of lessons to alter his complacent upon his current messy work flow and badly organized work space, his loose income should replaced by well planned, economic production profit. I urged him read daily to maintain thinking and vision. he dislike my preaches but more or less he understand his small enterprise not so rosy. his wife made many delicious meals, left my stomachache frequently secrets acid burning liquid in dream for overfull dinner. now time to foresee return flight. last night I showered woz and myself. my brother promised will drive us to airport. I enjoyed so much the journey. God, dad, I hope I didn't hurt my brother's ambition, his sense of visionary. I hope our grand father's Empire brings him confidence as my holy spiritual wake up. I hope his mean habit, his premature entrepreneur grows unshakeable plenty of our Royal China. dad God, I didn't mistaken holy completion in this lunar holiday vacation. bring me sooner my girls, my crowd Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, into my new family. bring me my Royal China when I productive. spare useless bets on robust of my offspring and Empirical inherit. grant us smooth flight returning to northeastern China where I fought for freedom and better world so far.

1/2/2016

dreamt of Japanese prostitutes. in dawn dream I visited brothel with a Japanese friend. I first time accepted prostitute service. I chose 2 girls, one younger and one taller. but sex seemingly not successful. nearly a week past since I brought my son visiting my kid brother in southern China. I tried hard to perceive his situation and offered lots of innovative suggestions which unpopular and repulsive. I also want he loan me ￥5000 aside flight tickets which costs him 10000rmb to fluid my credit overdraw. till now he complained economic hardness and refused to loan. ICBC previously extended me a week to return debt otherwise possible disabled my credit card but fortunately till now they didn't buzz me after a week's probation. in the week my brother lingered in his mill daytime and lately returned around 11pm. I accompany my son and first son of my brother at home aimlessly. in such a inhospitable circumstance I eager to flight back to Qiqihar, my 2nd hometown. we ate spicy cheap food and lost appetite soon. but last night my brother treated us dining out and I swallowed there. before the dinner we arranged to play arcade console games in the shopping mall. my son competed hard in racing game against his cousin, 2 years older than him. lately we shopped for lunar new year. my notebook finally got its power sock converter and my son and me both watched our favorite online videos after mid night before went to bed. here drizzled since we arrived and coolness in house kept woz staying on bed while gaming on his pad. my brother's house is elegantly spaceful, but badly untidy. I blamed him for several times and now I don't intend to preach more for a narrow minded man. its not wonderful as what I imagined but my tiring battle against PRC surveillance healed. after the Spring festival, my financial situation might worsen steeply but God dad, I have faith in the way leading me through. dad God, bring me sooner my Royal China, bring me my girls in new year in new family. grant us debt free and purchase power among my credit cards.

17/1/2016

prepare to launch. dreamt building house with my alumni. A teacher led us to push down a wall. Chenfeng, Hunan graduate in my Nankai Univ alumni, push so hard that fell with the wall and startled me by possible tragedy. then dreamt with my son before flight tour, which demands detailed list of future activities to prove innocence. I burned brain to cover all possible agendas in the list to satisfy censorship. last weekend fulfilled with joyes when my son unpack new purchased goods in my dorm. we have first compute stick for portable computing, for securer storage. my son less gamed on pc while immersed in his pad games. on Sunday he first time forgot bringing his gears for spa. he likely grows and looking into more wonderful world other than video games. his mom now less intervenes my work in her house for my son’s living standard. in our gathering I complained a lot about closer surveillance PRC tyrant exerts upon us. now the last week before we cruise our 2nd flight tour together. that’s likely the main concern we seldom touched. 2015, esp lunar 2015, brings so many surprises we hardly counted on. in cheerful 2016 we eager to gain its preview and outline. aboard will do the job and alienate curiosity. God, dad, grant me return some of my credit deficit, ensure my credit’s purchase power and readiness. prepare us a happy journey in southern China. bring me my Royal China when I productive.

14/1/2016

dream of military talk. dreamt first play go with an alumnus, with his friend, a PLA commander of PRC as side watcher. I discussed with the battalion about military organization, claimed on battle field a battalion is a standard unit, rather than squad nor company. I also discussed CCP history and its strategy. during the chat, we saw a huge ant lair in building. these days peacefully enjoyed English world online after half settled vpn router app. intensified contacting vpn support team under PRC surveillance led to draw: I can’t access vpn from router, but its desktop version grants me youtube and open world as first time I was amazed by. yesterday I trying to deploy the vpn service on my second router, a Chinese gee router, its again blocked at once, even previous HK based vpn servers unable to connect, too. the sinking PRC bitch too weak to afford anything extra, and tries all means to honey pot domestic users with infected hardware and software, just for sinful espionage and breaking apart massive angers before last straw weight it down. this week I also ditched my 3 dynamic sites on google cloud engine, after misconfiguration locks myself outside. I will try to make full usage of google sites, and zoho sites, which both elegant product line. In holy Urgency, I bought myself another gadget, intel compute stick. I’m so complacent after seeing last year’s upgrade of intelligent gears brings about productivity. God, dad, grant me remove credit deficit more or less in lunar new year. enable my credit with purchasing power and sustainable capacity. grant us smooth flights between here and our vacation destiny, my kid brother’s house in southern China. bring me sooner my Royal China, Asoh Yukiko, my other sweet girls, as well as our best fruits, into my new family. dad God, led me to new level of glory and grace.

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[benzillar]

wide world clearer with VPN.

6/1/2015

bell rings for victory. its like an essay. I dreamt I was a little small girl who orally cites in dream world. she works in a chemical factory or company. she said many old chemical materials after years turns like a thin paper, a blow can destroy it. she has me as her husband and another girl colleague. one day she found her or her colleague had great discovery and turns famous. the girl admires the celebrity so much she decided to show her love. her husband agree to her plan. she bought the celebrity gifts, who accepted and drank with them in the party. the little girl drunk and had to release herself. but mistakenly wrapped shits in huge tissues and stuck inside her clothes and slept. her husband found later the huge shits and help her clean it. her mother-in-law also offers a hand. the shits seemingly not so foul, like bull shits. its likely a small town, small changes in life, steady while boring improvement socially. its likely a victory dream, after so many days hard working against PRC heavy espionage and breaking attempts upon my setup new vpn routers. for deploying the vpn router, I almost pound son's mom, a stupid moll, with fist, when she forced my leaving while I just in heat fixing. the small woman buzzed police station demanding cop's visit but delayed or refuted. I waited some time till found hardly able to continue work, then I left. those 2 workdays each almost 18 hours non-break till late night I fought online to get update for the vpn router while sinking PRC surveillance blocked all means. I contact support team of the vpn and got tips quite helpful. last night near 1 am, everything works well, including claimed 2 auxilary mobile phone numbers from Chinamobile for my son and myself, but this morning turn on one router found it update again ruined. God, when I can get rid off this scam in PRC, my vested kingdom? grant us new open cyberspace with aid of new vpn, dad God, grant me access English world and world view of united God's kingdom on the earth. thx for all breakthroughs and task on going.

27/12/2015

dreamt being in media industry again. dreamt my old career, media. my once colleague, Xu Chuanyou, appeared in office and brag his investment. then I worked as chief editor of media company whose boss is Li Ka-shing. I made lots of efforts on designing skyline scene as new cover image of our new campaign. Li heard my report and arranged support for my promotion. then on roof of the office building, I arranged crew, reporters onto world affair stage. our business booming and I woke up. these days constrained by mis-configuration and can't access my google cloud engine. one of my site, zho.io, went offline for week after succeeded to patch new security, and then went wrong strangely. I searched the web for fix but misled by tutorial with faults, put my all site and security key vulnerable public. likely the automatic protective mechanism prevents me logon since then. lacking of linux administratiive skill upset me deeply, even sometimes online community quite helping and growth of learning inspiring. the canteen operator's family gathering again, his old mother, whose manner always repulsive for me, might urge her daughter-in-law, the only woman in the operative team of the canteen I admit, refuse to loan me for return my credit deficit. the operator and his wife both lied when I asked for loan. in holy confidence when I bathed in sunshine after lunch in front of dorm, I decided time to book flight for scheduled son's winter vacation in my kid brother's house in southern China. soon with my credit I got 2 ticket of airline. my kid brother generously sent me ￥5000 to cover the expense. with it, I returned historical loan, ￥1400, to the canteen at once and likely let the operator at loss. with year end closing, my son and myself cheered by coming visit southernly. God, dad, after so many tries I more and more got familiar with securer Internet access. now I enjoy boarderless cyberspace so much. I try my best to cover my son with best education and entertainment online, esp from US. thx for the solid improvement, thx for peaceful workspace here around us. bring me sooner my Royal China to educate more freedom lives on the scarry land in sinking PRC. bring me my girls and our offspring for joy of heavenly. thx fiancial support, esp my respectable credit cards, changes my life so much.

22/12/2015

dreamt of alumni.dreamt just after entrance exam. I frustrated upon my test score and didn’t want to check how it is. then Wu Jiang, my Nankai Univ classmate and long time class leader, berthed upper me, now a professor in US, murmured my enrollment admirable. 3 university enlisted me, including Nanjin Film Academy, which he claimed the only domestic acting school allows students not have to stand to learn every lesson. likely a famous accounting university also enrolled me. Yang Jin, also Nankai Univ alumnus now Canada citizen, also show his envy. then I boost his dignity in his choice university, likely accounting specific, too. I claimed nowadays most important companies employ accounting company for their financial report to stock market, so the accounting market open,consolidate and capable. Yang glad to hear my affirmative. I then enjoyed my success I almost mistakenly overlooked. then Wang Yunqing, a Nankai annumus from northeastern China and now a manager in state mine company in his hometown, whose major is accounting and enterprise management, asked me something and I inspected for him. last Sunday I told my son, woz, Hope of China, God of Universe, my decision to move farer from him, against his mom’s manipulation of his timetable for her profit. I will only visit him on Sunday and just spend time with him for shower and lunch weekly. my son didn’t comment upon the change which will leaves more time alone on him, at least from his dad. we ate toast buffet I enjoyed more and more grilling on my own, but he only ate first several slices and full. in bathroom I bathed him mostly, left him clean shampoo himself. when I alone showering, I felt dizzy and worn arm almost unbearable. escaped from the spa, his mom waited us at home. the woman in unusual weak voice ask my son’s companion after we tried awhile pc games. I left previous before they preparing to leave. in Monday I tried again to add google ads onto my site, agarten.in. failed but knowledge increased on the web app. China surveillance recently frequently hard reset and cut down my physical network about half hour each time, and so on when they can’t afford. the miserable bitch relentless insults frustrations. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to family my children. bring my girls when I empowered for tender and beautiful. grant me pay back more debt to bank, foresee my journey with my son to southern China with my kid brother’s family in lunar new year. thx for the snowing, dad God.

19/12/2015

dreamt getting trouble in hometown of been loved as same gender. dreamt I enjoyed school term vacation at hometown, Zhudajiu. my passed mother appeared in dream. the one of my cousin, quite older than me, punished their daughter who acclaimed in love with me as gay. I was at home and absent from the troubled scene where the rebellion daughter shamed and admitted guilty, but at a distance where I can hear and discuss my confession with crowd around myself. in the mid, the gay I engaged turns to be a handsome elemental school teacher in family name Liu lives neighbor village and whose sister married a villager just near my old house. I defended my emotional innocent. that was dream when I napped after sent my son, woz, to his custody, his mom after a night ported in my dorm monthly. this past week I busy with restore layout and adsense element on agarten.in, one of my dynamic sites hosted on google cloud engine. I made hard and slow progress in situation where frequently programming skill needed while I seldom gained in past career. but it almost done before I fetched my son after his swim exercise near 7:30pm in downtown Qiqihar. waiting since the afternoon put me relentless. I also tried new steam games before my son can join in his descending my dorm. in the chill on bus stop I witnessed so many young persons in their prime time while I prayed for a young wife so many years. with my son we did quick shopping in Walmart, in which slumppy economy put less customers at scene and we first time didn't queue to check out. we still spent near ￥300 there, including foods, pillars, and hardware tool I admired long ago. in nearby KFC, we ate deliciously and left prompt. settled in dorm, my son tried games I prepared for him and myself. he forgot bringing glasses with him, so I took him away from screen soon and urged him played his pad games for the sake of his sight. he has huge update list and till 1 am I got up powered down the dormroom. I also found his quilt needs rearrangement lest uncover his back and body. its my fault to urge him put more of rest quilt between us on same bed rather than allowing it slides onto ground which usually dirty and spilt with water for we clean our feet with hot water before bed. next morning I sleepy while my son got up early around 7am after a late night before 11pm. he urged to leave first for he dislike the tentatively separating us tiny woman, his mom, would arrange electronic music lesson again upon his late return. I took taxi after KFC breakfast and at his mom's house, he soon took away to swim exercise by visiting grandma's companion. returned to dorm again I tasteless and gave up fixing site's adsense problem and napped, after cleaned my room, ventalized indoor. dad, God, my life here lends where for glory? I don't know. I cherish moments so much with my son, and prepared them heartedly, but more and more an even brighter shift ahead turns clear. dad, God, let me fulfilled with joys there when the Son's glory deserves. bring me sooner my girls when I mates, bring me my Royal China when that matters the earth event. thx for the cover of dream, dad, God, for message in this sunny afternoon.

[benzillar]

15/12/2015

1st post on my new intel nuc. recent bare expectations almost all settled, after relentless checking package status from website and dorm reception desk. last Sunday my shower water a bit cool and almost let me get cold. So I decided change my old woolen sweater after a sweating night and restored health. the new clothes were bought from amazon after my wrest too painful to stand straight and doubting what’s wrong with me or my clothes. new under clothes very fit and functional, even thin as it is. my nephew, who operates a clothing shop at taobao.com, sent me some clothes, but the parcel was cut half a large opening when it arrives me, no if nor how many items stolen. the express service might highjacked by a midaged man I got known. I first attracted by his wit comment upon huge heap of Chinese holiday parcels, then found he alcohol additive. then found him holding my parcel and delayed, I complained to amazon. he soon informed and buzzed in threatened me with referred my once workplace pals in QRRS, unveil histroical hate and grudge. he then bumped into my dorm room attempting intimidate me. this time he torn my parcel is obvious clue the hate even acide and dangerous. I hope the ill patient soon find himself home if he treats his work so badly. this week also saw 3rd shoes I bought from amazon US fits my son well and he enjoys it.after 2 previously wrong sized and kept in my stock. his lounge smart TV, powered with windows 10, also at his disposal. after all these wonderful gifts my debt to bank ammounts to ￥60,000. I looking forward year end bonus ceases awhile urgence and ready my family expenses spaciously. this dawn dreamt with my Huanggang senior middle school alumni, Wanglewen, leaving my hometown Zhudajiu. someone likely deceased in the village and on way we met monsters, bestility. the latter likely echo of a BBC report on Chinese girl graduates likes web exotic literature. after made water and noted my dream, I returned to bed and dreamt mostly with my son, we likely trying test something. last night was snowing. in the dusk I visited my son with KFC, with his parcel, 3 thick Japanese woolen sock for his boots without inner fur. the grandma claimed without fur it should be cold, so I equipped him with the expensive socks to make use of new boots as soon as possible. when he returned from his swim lesson, I accompanied him ate KFC and unpack socks, then I returned to my dorm in the white world. God, dad, here I pray coming year end, including the month, allow me returning more my credit deficit. grant us a smooth holiday travel to my kid brother’s house in southern China. grant us full power of credit to harness up. bring me sooner my Royal China, my crowned Qureen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. bring me my girls and our offspring graciously.

7/12/2015

dreamt chasing a girl Japanese graduate. later I met her in supermarket, where we found common topics. when she found her lost socks appeared in other 3 Chinese bucket, a parent and his son-in-law, the Japanese girl weeped. I hold her tight and made clear the stealth. when we left, our hearts fulfilled with love. I had to get up to blog the dream, near 7 Am. Yesterday was a great day. amazon surprised me in 2 or 3 days delivered a Led TV I ordered to woz's house. I settled it yesterday, with son's cooperation during installation. It works perfectly with intel nuc, new vpn my family adopted also works steadily. in dusk, my youngest sister and brother both buzzed me. my sister now caring her 1st son and daughter-in-law after her grandson born recently, offered me another ￥1000. my brother dropped to see if I need more clothes against winter chill. I told my sister how her children strongly blessed, urged her measure merits more valued than fast rich. I also disclosed my wrest painful in past week and I tried to fix it by bought myself new looser woolen pants. last Saturday I brought my son watched 3d movie, "SpongeBob SquarePants", its a great relax for son, woz, who loves icecream, popcorn and formosa dinner through the cinema. after replaced trousers my wrest pains dilated, I lunched again in Taiwanese cuisine restaurant with woz as Sunday lunch. I tried pc game even not so energetic, and made progress indeed. woz prepared his homework, paintings for new year's day. when I returned my dorm, his new boots, pants we ordered on amazon US, arrived, after so many weeks we expected. today he will open the parcels and cheer up. that's how today, Dec 7 starts a blog about my Crowned Queen from Japan, the love still warm after I got up. in doze again near 7am, dreamt my oldest niece treated me in Zhudajiu, our hometown village, with her pocket money and chicken of free range. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China to host my girls, my children so beautifully gifted. grant us joyful life we enjoyed so far. in coming salary helps me return credit more and capable. thx silent moment in this dawn when I mistaken 6am as 7am. Photo Description: woz, dearest son's homework painting celebrating new year 2016. he painted his proud dad with badge in it.

2/12/2015

new spending for consolidating warehouse. in 2nd snow in Qiqihar 2015, thanksgiving mood allows me executed due task, purchase longest term of ownership over zhone 18 domains. last month renewal partially extended but due insufficient finance anxiousness, this time closes up the regret in the beautiful 2015. visited son at once after the purchase, but found intel nuc yet compatible with old Haier TV, the os, windows 10 definitely working, but video card crashes each time after bios logo appeared. I was exhausted by difficulties in the bug after google the problem. so bought woz a new smart TV from amazon. hopeful it works perfectly with intel nuc as lounge media center. God, risk of deficit might hurt me, result in my painful neck last week, and now my wrest, which times and times so painful that I can't stand straight right after sitting. grant me healthy lifestyle we enjoy so far. young dogs in the dorm can poison me, sinful woman in son, woz's house can curse me. the insane daughter and her mom, my son's custody now, more and more hateful toward my resist to cohere their cheating and dirty way. the bitch, son's mom, sneered me every time I visiting my son, while her disgusting mom, tried to show me the aspect of carrot. they r in fact couples married, like brothel trap for innocent young man. my civil marriage with the tiny woman no way a chosen, but harsh reaction upon challenging reality in my 33 years old after busy learning and working for living all times mostly setup by enemies of my Royal China. God, so meaningful 2015 brought about that I never fully grasp ur holy idea. this year means so much for my business here on the planet. save me from debt in coming monthly pay day of my credits. thx the saint snow, dad. Photo Description: QRRS Dorm's new member, dorm 4th newly built, in 2nd snow of winter 2015. peaceful as it is, substantial attracting in its design and fresh appearance.

28/11/2015

boring gift season in China. when napped before visiting my son, dreamt played with a rifle. I missed first fire and mistakenly fired the second bullet, which likely on the target, and dissected the 3rd bullet in harsh to avoid been found at scene. these 2 weeks boring in waiting for my parcels ordered online put me in sadness. the gift season, esp the faked 11.11 by alibaba.com, hijacked most express delivery into paralysis. one of my orders, from amazon China, a day later than its longest scheduled deliver date yet kept me waiting, ie. 5 days it still on way from Beijing to Qiqihar. waiting made me vulnerable, emphasized my tender status depends on trifle pleasure of shopping, like reckless Mideast creatures. in the weeks I napped more and more in the morning to escape meaninglessness. I napped so hard that my neck hurt and painful. I hope the motionless of my pinched life turns again fluid after the suffering weeks. now time to visit my son, woz, Hope of China, my dream can be vivid again under sunshine in the featureless winter. God, dad, its Black Friday and all its news hurries me to purchase while I hardly affordable. grant us financial plenty to have fun in year end of 2015. grant us smooth holiday, including lunar Spring festival in sight now, when deserves us right mood for new year 2016. bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls in new family, when I still enjoy companions. thx for 2015 we harvested so much!

[benzillar]

16/11/2015

1st snow of winter 2015, Qiqihar. this dusk arrives my dorm when I napped in boring. ICBC sms urged me to pay back overdue credit in £5 for my family's localphone bill. I previously received and paid 1000rmb at once hoping it will cleared automatically. I now buzzed the bank's phone service and got known I had to clear 2000rmb more before I can order the bank paying foreign currency after PRC currency. I have only 1000rmb at hand so I sms my kid brother who has a small workshop and has foreign currency in business to help me clear my English debt. his sms arrived during my nap, like his mean style first investigate my usage even such a small amount, £10. I felt tasteless for dorm canteen's dinner after half hour emptily waiting my brother's help, and half way left to withdraw only 1000rmb from PSBC credit to return ICBC. the I jogged routinely. my breath in the winter first time freezed above my lips and kept me wiping. with so lovely pure white world, I felt blessed. after returned to dorm, I read an article about Russian, ie. the Soviet committed large scale rapes on battle field it won and undisclosed. the tyrant, Stalin, even abused his young wife and likely murdered her. that reminds me of gay's attitude toward woman, and long time no sex life results my possible insensitive upon woman's feelings. I recently really upset, even raged by son's mom's frequent scorns and despisement during my weekends visits my son. I felt the woman lack of due violent lessons to be such a bitch. God, reinforce me with merit of respecting women, instill confidence and patience upon my new family anticipated so long, my beloved girls. this night is my blogging rarely not in day time, save me from hopelessness during hard time of financial and emotional. coming year end helps me paying back my credit more on my own, free me from burden of my despicable relatives and alumni. bring me sooner my Royal China and my second child for the future of Empire of China. thx, dad God. Photo Description: snowing night QRRS front square and training people after work over. 1st snow of winter 2015 not so heavy but next dawn will tells the scale.

13/11/2015

dreamt of survival training. in backyard of campus, with my Nankai Univ alumni entered a wasteland when we tried hard to search for water, food and solving puzzles. Chen Xinjian singled out hiding in a shelter and made progress in philosophical readings. a strange classmate used his flag language communicated with a far end mountain and found rescue. a poor elder shitted on my shirt as trick so I had to tolerent him harmlessly. then we found breakthrough to escape the dumpsite and back to dorm area in the campus. then dreamt again trapped and a teacher taught mathematics. gradually I felt hard to follow and asked classmates to help but didn’t work. most of alumni have difficulties but some brilliant minds grasping. I felt so frustrated and woke up. these days waiting for my second intel nuc, after successfully installed first one painlessly. I just feel insatiably upon computing portable, and I can make my research double profits with copying first trophy. this one much expensive with more powerful cpu, larger ram and ssd. its price almost triple as the first one, but I hope It rewards me that I can try some old games on it besides heavy office tasks. credit issuer banks friendly didn’t warn me of over-withdrawal, likely year end bonus in its anticipation same as mine. with the order I previously shifted my first nuc to my son’s usage, shown him how is home building step by step, rather than his mom’s pure poverty in decades, when nothing improved in home hospitality, only bare shabby table and stools for her prey likes CCP and PRC's orthodox, esp. its education beauracracy compensated China non-constructive instritution since Open Policy but just for the ruling's teeth and mouth, her class students summoned forth for homework and tutorial with charging years by years. my son’s mom’s mindset is Islamic: suffering, zero accumulation but scattered predating. their life just means killing for living, never planned, systematically social gathering and distribution, no progressive achievement in pattern learning and integration, this render her tuition always screams scenario like kids. she indeed these years treats my son and me like pupils, scorns, rages, compulsive exiles, etc. unstable emotional and trifle facts, like nowadays Arab on world stage. she is a terrorist indeed, a muslim in guise. with mounting digital gears in 2015, I hopefully taught my son Christian world of accumulative innovation, holy plentiness, and constant building with cherish and self-esteem. God instills mercy among us, urges sustaining before change. God teaches obedience and dignity in every common person. with merit of inheriting, our society grows and enrichs. God, dad, pl bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the momentum China gains since Ming Dynasty under my ancestor. bring me new family to cultivate flourish forest. thx for message in this blog, and grant us financial capacity to have a joyful new year within months.

4/11/2015

dreamt of aimless. in dawn dream I again lonely dwelt in railway station. 2 women likely proxy there arranging their cargos, mainly clothes, transferring plan, while I tried my best to prepare different plans for versatile future scenarios, like jammed textbooks for exam. these days dreamt less clearer, and sad for burdensome credits.witness so many people enjoy their lives while I brewed as penalty for lifestyle we enjoyed so far, I even felt a bit bitter and unfair. I reached out to a alumna of Nankai Univ but she treated me despicable, promised buzzing me back to let me hang the phone but never hear from her since. I sent her 2 sms later, list my financial data persuading her loan, but never answered. my happy time reuniting my son weekends also under deprivation, his mom tentatively arranged him more activities driving my son away from me.God dad, maybe its time to save expenses for dealing debts to bank but I so much enjoyed expense with aid of credit card hanging out my son. recent news made me sadder. China should first cover all its citizen social welfare, identified whole society as national object, responsible to care its people's lifetime wellbeings, end separation and enslave of peasants and miniority, which agonized, humiliated and dissolving Chinese society so long, before allow again any couples to have 2 babies, recently modified outlaw to shift from one child prohibition, once and forever empower civilian has full authority over their nature privacy of family. resume freer birth policy just protect bureaucracy's interest to produce more human cattle to feed the greedy predator, who never allow least proper defence of their prey, no freedom of speech, no gun trade, no coordinated gathering. China now in the between of united society in Christian, and wilder predating Arabian in which everyone scattered except their fake God, where killing/torment is a norm and no standard for social unit equal, harmony of caring and love, where hate/fear in everyone against everyone exaggerates turbulent wilder birth rate and male supreme female while ironically the latter weight average there. social dissection catalyizes compete of human weapons, brings far more dangers and wastes among human than necessary, devastated nature resources and renders themselves helpless and self-destructive beasts. only mercy and mutual love confined society in Christian saves human from animal, from climate catastrophe on earth. without obligation for the life of the earth, without obligation of earth of life. another news about elemental school abuse, frequently occurs in sinking evil PRC, never addressed by state but led me dwell. sinking CCP original from violent mob, and now it turns more harmful toward innocent human lives, including pupils. teachers half as bureaucracy, viciously predating students. the dark of China society sadden any mind independent.God, dad, save China youth against massive brain washing, immersive selfish, aggressive exploits, which even obvious in most Chinese colleges and universities. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls when we able to love and productive. bring peace and warmth in dying Chinese society slipping itself into brutal and bloody muslim.God, no one could save China nowadays except the Son. grant me the authority and the task to extinguish the draining darkness shadowing Chinese society. let Christian ignites torch of model for sinking PRC's following. thx, dad, in this silent morning.

20/10/2015

brutal reality in PRC for kind people. what a terror being in China mainland. last night I read news about intel's new product, nuc and attracted. after researched some time, I decided time to equip myself this kind of portable computing device as redundancy. computing power so important for me I never felt enough. within an hour I placed my order for an intel nuc at amazon, during my harder financial time when almost all my credit runs out and income base history unsupportive. with the exciting mood, I read a terrifying story in sinking PRC where the dominating CCP bred: 2 dogs ate out limbs of a woman who trying help a little girl endangered by the dogs at large from near residential area. no one responses for the tragedy, not the baby girl's family nor dogs' owner. the miserable woman hurted so hard she ran out of tears in hospital, upon frozen chill reality in sinful PRC. what I can do to help the poor victim? angers long time gathered in my mind against dog-a-like CCP who since its birth targeting human and people as prey, and only thing they care is shotgun and bullets controlled to disarm and disabled common Chinese. when Obama yarned his failure to ban American people buying guns freely, I laughed the stupid and treator-a-like partisan his ill will never means to strongthen herotic American but the contrast. only weak Chinese prohibits arming themselves against evil, acted like worms and crippled in dust. tools, not human, changes the world on the earth. but some nations, like Chinese in sinking PRC, still in primitive fighting with bare hands and fingernails. they r enslaved by their sinful leader and government like labor ants or bugs neutralized for worn out, left the latter weaponized to teeth and monopolized. dogs in PRC mostly a second weapon for most of richer persons, who mostly insanely hostile to their patriots, neighbors, or citizens counter. those dwarfs competingly admire large and brutal dogs. most terrifying de facto nowadays is disabled news/media utility in society, allow the mob destroyed credit or memories about people's behavior. bad guys not need pay their hurts and killings, good people suffer for their properness and merits. the whole cycle/community darkly doomed, for no sight, no focus, but devastatingly scattered and erectless. the charging hand, CCP, itself a beast, a dog whose only doctrine is meat and corpse. only proof it accepts for their wrongness is their bloody death, their turndown by massive violent outburst. their mindless has to be preyed by mind, by soul which is holy. this dawn I dreamt blew half chest of a heavy nut by planting bomb in it. the bomb successfully clear half room for my usage. some of my once colleagues in QRRS appeared in my dream. when I mindly blogging on bed, the brutal story of the poor kind woman attacked and fatally damaged by loose dogs filled me with sadness and angers upon sinking PRC. the event happened 4 days ago, yet no formal reference in public nor official. CCP usually annually promotes national moral idol, why not this case? for they fear the failure of social enabling, failure of dangerous animals' control, failure of unity of citizen, fear failures harms their fake well-organized social architecture. they fear of frustrations Chinese people gathered in these decades. they fear responsibility and its consequence. God, dad, only Chinese government tried all means to disable its people for maximize its interests. guns only righteous when it used to defend oneself and should defend one's independence forever. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China to straighten holy way for tormented Chinese. bring my girls and our offspring for the glory ahead. grant me financial plenty to cope my expanding business here. thx, dad. Photo Description: snack with son, woz, Hope of China, in Qiqihar Supermarket, before join cinema at its 6th floor. we had favorite Taiwanese ice drink. here benzrad, the proud dad, in his son's focus.

[benzillar]

23/9/2015

in world without exception. dreamt living among Chinese and foreign friends in western country. all familiar and lack of passionate due the familiarity, inc sex. then in my own house I farewell family and picked a football and left. then played soccer awhile with some kids on square with several footballs. I saw without exceptions the world will turn unenergetic and sedentary. I finally intended leaving behind my football those kids around and went for new and unknown bare hands. the dream likely an echo of recent comment my son, woz said on last Sunday when we failed rip 2 dusts from our newly replaced screen of asus fonepad for touch screen can't maintain intact after opening the sealed case. I said perfectionism led me sad upon the careless mistake, and my son replied, he also an perfectionist. each time I was capable financially to improve my son's living, I presented him the perfect way in time and space.last Sunday when I returned to my QRRS dorm, found his new moto nexus 6 arrived at dorm gate, I didn't hesitate and took a taxi to dispatch the gift to him immediately without a break in my dorm. I know he deserves perfect service, and surprise to enlighten the day. whatever the world more and more turns planned, surprise is efforts to pursue and inspiring to achieve. God, I know guaranteed barrier-breaking ahead, still I feel burdensome in my credit overdrawn. I know lots of testimonies ahead to train me, to manifest the chosen, but God, I pray here no matter how hard, joy of living baptises me plenty. I didn't anticipate war, I didn't anticipate torment, I didn't anticipate of destruction massively, just keep fun of living, run love in soil and root. dad God, bring me sooner my Royal China, bring google service here. bring delicacy I still enjoy. grant me more offspring, grant me new marriage. thx dad God, in this overnight rain and sunny morning.

4/10/2015

dreamt of hidden state surveillance. dreamt of process of joining KFC franchise, which I occasionally read it from a KFC notebook in son, woz's mom's house when I accompany him writing his homework. quite some students there ate the fast food.I contacted 3 managers of the franchise. two of them, both woman, led me to another franchise where just preparing opening. from an erotic book I got know hidden surveillance from PRC government. with borrowed scanner I saw our family documents issued by government shows "unauthorized" tag under some classification. with the hidden separation in national document we can't buy largest KFC food bundle. but among those kid students, and in the newly opening franchise a tall woman lend us her document to buy ourselves largest KFC bundle. its a boring national day holiday in PRC now. I had to eat one meal a day in the week long holiday. Chinese holiday mostly borrowed from western Culture, esp Christian, but they didn't arrange holiday according week, the fixed circle among other time periods, like month, year, season, etc, but gathered and shift into an exceptional lengthy absence from routine life.Chinese in PRC hate ordinary life, they always anticipate selfish survival of world catastrophe in each family closed celebration to eliminates their rivals from disorient of united world. as to me I dislike Chinese holiday very much, and doomed it to change. but to my son, woz, he likes every chance to be free of schooling. we made progresses among pad games and pc games we loved. I especially glad won some hard battles in video games blocking so far. I also purchased first time last night on steam platform, for woz's favorite game he called it his golden time. my 2nd elder sister loaned me another ￥1000 which quite helping me fix shortage of credit after over-withdrawal. heat system switching from QRRS enterprise to municipal utility reportedly testing to run today. I already equipped my dorm with dehumidifier and works fine. God, dad, my credit already mostly turned debts unchangeable, pl grant us freedom to enjoy credit card as usual. coming months I have to pay our diamond domains, grant us financial support to maintain our cyberspace infrastructure. bring me sooner my Royal China to allow me feed my offspring, future princesses and princes, for the even greater prospective. dad, let our year end rich and meaningful.

12/10/2015

dreamt of crossing fire. its a sunny Monday morning after my first relaxing PRC national day holiday since divorce my only civil marriage. for PRC mainstream likes escaping from routine and celebrating their tiny world's salvage through gathering weekends with holiday mostly imported from Christian to longest period to deny normal job as well as service mutual benefits.then I mostly out of meals and have to cost more to eat restaurant. 2015 PRC national holiday I usually ate a meal a day, but every meal I tried my best to treat my son, woz and myself a banquet. we also invited woz's mom once to dine together for the grouponed banquet rich enough for 3 people or more. she more or less at a loss upon the delicacy we enjoyed. then she gradually turned hostile against my dining out with son. last Saturday dusk I visited my son in drizzle. my broken shoes wet and I asked my son's mom to find me another shoes still stored in her house since our breakup step by step. she retorted I was not up to talk to her. the dinner with my son in a Korean cuisine restaurant in downtown turns gloomy. woz ate less, complained I picked him pork disgusting. when we returned his mom's house, all my shoes singled out and the woman demanded I brought them with me in my dorm. during the dinner I decided to soften my tongue lest crisis the relentlessly aggressive woman seeks, so I asked her allow till my situation improved, esp current dorm too humid. she glad to hear that and in the night she consulted me twice upon national ID card, removing my role in residential book. My assertion my independent living standard let her relieved, she wanted to assure she didn't burden extra losts in once marriage for a new marriage she and her mother must engaged for years and now almost forged. the night I watched my son fought in his favorite video game, "Teenage Mutant Turtle Ninja" I just bought him from steam platform costs near $15, unstoppable in chapters. his mom got her wanted and sad and blow lots of nose. I fetched 4 pairs of shes to my dorm in drizzle by bus. God not allows me too weak upon the demanding woman's intimidation after. the night I dreamt flying again, much confident and higher capacity of load, and helping other young people to fly. Sunday morning I made proud progress in my game, "sniper elite:Nazi army". my son partially on his pad aside me. when I led my son preparing shower pack as usual, his mom attempted interfering. she acclaimed son's swim lesson hygienic enough not to visit spa. I rebuffed and we left for early lunch at dico's, for the woman rearranged son's piano lesson near noon, hurry to catch after shower in pubic spa. my son enjoyed chicken as usual in the Taiwanese franchise restaurant. We returned on time, woz soon let to practice piano while his mom guarded aside him. in the night I dreamt gun conflicts with traitor in justified commitment. 2 Nankai Univ alumni from my hometown neighbor county, Huangmei, who help me dissolving among younger graduates when I sought master program back to 1999 without a proper candidate privilege and had to covertly borrow a berth in graduate dorm. the 2 guys also witness my broken heart with a girl collegian lives in neighbor dorm and exerted acid influence before I finally broke down. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China when it grows. grant me new family and offspring before I worn out. coming months will renew our diamond domains, guarantee my credit card capable and we actually affordable. Photo Description: a full year's workout, QRRS 4th dorm completes in final stage. who will live in the nice building? Photo Description: my QRRS dorm in 1st building, a humid, cold but neat niche benzrad never owns. poor as he is, rich as its meanings. Photo Description: a clear sunny day from view of benzrad's QRRS dorm view. the road is closest to QRRS front square and busy no matter workday or weekends.

13/10/2015

warm dreams. yesterday I first time put on woolen sweater in 2015 winter. the heat system likely examing, water makes sound through tubes. In the warm night I dreamt of my dearest dad, youngest sister in a camp, where dad's colleagues in forest station also brought their kids. my dad is so real and vivid in dream, that I woke up and made note on my phone for recall. then dreamt with my once QRRS cable TV station colleagues, they emphasized discipline to group themselves together. then dreamt in my hometown or a small town, I busy with fix an old tape, likes a floppy disk, my dad gave me as answer to my questions. the tape loosed outside and I managed rewind inside. then I hurry to buy a cinema ticket. near the box office there is a hole and a badger lives in. I managed to captivate it which isn't much hostile.Its a golden early winter morning, dad God, I just cash advanced from my PSBC credit card via a newly setup SPD bank branch near dorm to return canteen operator's loan. the very good news for coming month's credit pay back is each credit card's minimum repayment around ￥1000, much lower than September's.I will needn't borrow to deal repayment, and last month I had to ask son's mom to loan me 1000rmb with which she despised me. God, dad, I'm very confident upon coming years' harvest, pl grant us steady growth and consolidated meaningful moments in life stream that's our built. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain tinder for future galaxy. let me berth earth again for seeding, dad God.

[benzillar]

18/9/2015

woz's first smartphone, a nexus 6. first dreamt passed Nankai Univ alumni, Xiao Jindong, the only one committed suicide after failed to find himself social position after returned to his parents' house, working together with me in factory. he fixed machine while I assisted. then I lead to play video game in the factory. soon Wang Sichong, son of Chinese billionaire and web celebrety, lead several teenage join us. he has his own set of vr and played so immersed among the factory with his pals. but when I ready to leave with my chromebook, he asked to buy my game gear, no matter how much I charge him. I woke up with pride of my chromebook I bought from US with so many efforts and persistence in waiting. last week I experience so many joyful moments with my son. I more and more expecting staying with him when I can't find pleasure in my routine in dorm. to avoid boringness, I shopping online several times. delivery always excites me, but most exciting is handing over our purchased to my son and see him open the goods from e-commercial. a week ago I risk bankrupt and bought him his first smartphone, a nexus 5 by motorola priced ￥2500, for It rarely selling by amazon China for a short period. otherwise I had to buy overseas and risk PRC's customs' seizure, for google products, even almost all digital tools, banned by the sinking tyrance. it due to arrive these days, and I have been looking forward to it. my son, woz, last weekend brought by his mom to visit her hometown relatives. the bitch ordered no digital gadgets brought. I persuaded harshly my son fetched my pad, and unfortunately the pad screen smashed when he tried to recharge there with damned borrowed charger. I first time recently felt sorry and sad upon leaving old friend like the pad. but after visit local computer market, the screen glass might replaced affordable. God, isn't it so nice? I felt more linkage with my pad, with cherishing life in ordinary. now Its Friday morning, this afternoon I will fetch my son to visit my dorm monthly. God dad, pl ensure my credit not all turns into concrete debts, pl keep allowance for us enjoying convenience and usage of credit as usual like currency. in the year end pl help us clear some debts and celebrate happy moment as others. thx dad, pl bring me sooner my Royal China, my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, and our glorious offspring, for holy task, for promised Empire and Royal garden.

8/9/2015

bitter Arab world, & dreamt of mi.com and its founder Leijun. its second night I slept in new and thicker quilt my kid brother bought me last year. its quite cozy in cold September night. in dawn dream I saw Leijun, founder of mi.com, a Chinese smartphone maker and known Steve Jobs admirer operating his company: training young employees, public relation, personal charisma. we didn't talk in dream for knew each other's reservation. there r lots of young people attracted afore, including myself needing investment, to the CEO in his prime time, a former long time programmer just taught by computer science from America soon after PRC's poverty drove opening policy, and he admits being idol. the blind young people reminds me the ongoing refugee crisis in Europe, islamic war in middle east drove millions Arabs fled their islamic nation, seeking refugee in Christian world. I hated the situation as known so hard to migrate to democratic world being Chinese, esp in PRC. those arabian losers in their homeland dump to advanced countries just as wished by their selfish tyrant in poor middle east barren by Arab thousand years. they silence upon the brutality in their homeland but in Europe they adopted all democratic means, protests, propagandas,human bodies as weapons to block police, social media on which most negative, violence, killing,torment brought ugly in limelight by them. Steve Jobs, the best son of Arab educated by Christian who built apple.com, will known in future world as most greedy profit squeezer and fetishism, and void of short glamour. Christian put hope in saint baby who saves the world, while islamic breed cattle of kids non-innocent and trains them brutal murderers like what happening in ISIS and recent war history in northern Africa. Arab pretends strong in the world stage but they do fell. in short time like apple into vain, world will see through the frequent cheats of islamic and Arab. united world under God will bring peace and glory to stage of unity sense. God, dad, China on the half of arab and advanced western world. God, u put duty for my Royal China to broaden shiny way for Chinese apart from sins and falling. bring me sooner my Royal China to strengthen my base, dad, allow me have more children when I feed them. thx inspiring me disclose my discomfort upon times and times unbalanced indulgence upon barking islamic war machine, in this pale morning, God dad.

1/9/2015

dreamt of warm love with a teacher. in dawn dream I was a father with solid life. he sent his son, not likely woz, to study in eastern Europe. his teacher is a cordial and gracious female. when chance came as she directing son running or some other training, the father approached the sweet teacher and murmured "I love u". the moment I definitely was the father and sensed how the love warm and glamorous, when the girl teacher replied, "I love u, too". she likely a russian or came from eastern Europe, and my trophy wife. last weekend I broke deadlock in game "alien rages", made new adventure with my son, woz's companion. in fact I made 2 progresses in the game when woz failed and shifted the gamepad to me. I told my son my guilty feeling upon recently seldom try video game, left him alone fought sweatily. but I also promised him I'm returning from dominating/exhausting joyes from shopping online. life will be stiller with making use of items rather than buying new one to fill the empty.Sunday lunch we ate formosa ( www.meiyujibaijia.com ), a Taiwan franchise. its western management style, rich and ready food, modern equipments including payment tools, amazingly attracted us. after shower I tried a new game, "Just Cause 2" we recently bought from humblebundle.com, but woz soon picked it and completed 2 chapters in half an hour. shooting is funny, and gaming is entertainment, my son woz told me when I urged him to treat war field more immersive and serious in game to remain alive before reckless shooting and killing by tactically finding more shelters, more calculations before risk of life. his mom's mom returned from travel and visit her relatives in more than a month. when they returned, I left their house and my son to my dorm. just after I settled in front of my desktop, it rained dusk. in the night I slept in rain rhythm like childhood hometown. next morning I lately got up around 8am and missed canteen breakfast. on Monday I successfully activated my abchina bank account bound with new PRC's social welfare card issued to me via QRRS office, after twice delayed by the bank for equipment not ready. God, my life begging for love experience, grant me love affair, oath and new family. bring me sooner my Royal China to replace the sinking CCP, release the last sinful police state PRC into its due ghosty tomb. thx, dad God, in this shiny morning after rains. Photo Description: a thunderstorm just after noon. the window view of my QRRS dorm, yard of newly building dorm 4th junctional to my dorm.

Aug 27, 2015

dreamt of bees pested campus. dreamt with son in Nanzhou Univ. with 3 years bachelors. there are many bees lives in the campus. every students have to care about not irritate bees from their worm above among tree's branches. I sometimes warned woz alone me not to cause bees' hostility in dawn dream which woke me before 5am. yesterday son's mom asked me to accompany my son for her school has assignment for her in end of summer vacation. I brought KFC breakfast and launched to visit my son. he busy with his andorid games all the morning while I dozed most time, after last night watched American TV soap "the good wife" overnight. we dined Japanese cuisine and I equipped myself another sd card for mobile storage. returned to his mom's house, I again didn't touch gamepad but just allowed son to play his pad game, even I felt guilty upon not gaming. I recalled and shared memories when son in his 5 years or so he asked independently tackled game challenge when we gamed together on our poor notebook, and even earlier an old radiative tube monitor. I was touched by how bravery and sincerity we treated pc games then and earned ourselves equipment upgrades in recent years we both witnessed, including online platform adoption, while I more and more left less energy to sharpen my skill among wonderful games, just like aged elder unable to bite more delicacy. returned to dorm I busy with finding an offline text editor solution till near 10 pm before quit. then again watched US drama. on bed I suddenly realized my son reported several times he usually relentless half an hour before falling into sleep on bed. God, in sudden insight of his sleeplessness my heart broken. I know how it worsen anybody's life experience. i know how long my dearest son, Hope of China, God of Universe, confronted alone with world most draining difficulty, sleepless and awake, for response upon the whole world in God's craft. God, dad, I enjoy naps so much, pl grant more sleeps to soothe my son's overworn intensified probing over the vanity fair. God, dad, grant me courage not to suffer for compensation instead of my son for his need of sound sleep, but plenty from void against zero sum game predicted by buddism, but in Christian salvage enriches both confidence and completion in relation between world and us. dad, God, Asoh Yukiko my Crowned Queen from Japan, bring me sooner my Royal China to safeguard my family's burden esp. in night dome. grant my son, woz his due relaxation and robustness.

[benzillar]

Aug 24, 2015

dreamt of Japanese murdering. in dawn dream, some Japanese girls likely actors I followed in google+ appear. some of them fell into love and let me admire. then saw gangsters in Japan. a short boy commanded his pals throw a victim into lake, then electricized the water. the victim likely shocked and paralyzed. when crowd approached to the crime scene, I woke up and don't know death end or just pains as punishment. yesterday my kid brother contacted me, first by sms asking if I need to buy anything on him. I blamed him always likes to do the less money concerned task, rather than directly give me loan. God, I don't know where his mercy came from, but I told him my review of his bravo: 3 times saved me from asylum by led me out of the insane treatment there. I said he doesn't owe me but I owe our dad for his late youngest boy, my kid brother and his helping hand. then my brother called in, allow my detailed explanation how my life wonderful, meaningful and thankful. after the conversation he dropped me another ￥2000 in a year. I paid back my credit with the aid at once, left less than 9,000 on account yet to pay, but minimum of the month covered. last week I first time realized I need slow down my living rhythm to outrun a marathon to see out my son's growing up, till his marriage, his social presence. I had tried to present my son best of mine, it more or less exhausted me. aging put me into more and more naps. but I need a strategy to outpost our situation agile around the full journey on the earth before we settle in God's shine. every day bites me, maintains me in hope and endure. I need plan to cope the worn out. God, dad, I still in faith of my new family, my girls and my offspring arriving. grant me Royal China to home my family. bring me insight upon development of my business, democracy of China. thx, dad, this cool morning before breakfast spiritual.

Aug 19, 2015

dream of vocation. dreamt being a writer works with colleagues. then a girl newly joined.her handwriting is awesome, but only me appriciated. she makes every Chinese character glows in its center, like a ripple there. then dreamt of my writing procedure which later turns successful. these weeks mostly puffing busy. I finally setup all newly equipped gears mostly purchased from united state working, except chromecast which unable to connect google to update its firmware, nor casting functional. China surveillance formidable choking, prolonged my efforts to activate our cherished google products. the most exciting for me is woz equipped with dell chromebook 11 touch, which likes a gift celebrates son's independence/maturity. while in woz's view, he mostly cheers up by the new nexus 7 tablet, whose brand new android 5 interface, like google now, attracted any potential mind about artificial intelligence. it also rid him off frustrations on his old intel cpu asus fonepad which quite some cases incompatible with android games in google play. now the intel based tablet shifted to me, and I glad to experience a portable touch pad. since last Sunday I started to setup google services on it and now mostly ready, excepted google play store deadly blocked.God, so many unease upon overseas purchases and PRC's customs' seizure, now all fautless arrived under China ambiguous arbitrary prohibition. thx, dad, now my debt to bank mounts to more than ￥20,000, all my credit cards near stalemate. grant me freedom of financial aplenty.grant us lifestyle we enjoy so far. God, bring me sooner my Royal China to home my family, my girls and our offspring under most glorious dome. in coming monthly gathering in the week with my son, woz, Hope of China, God of Universe, enrich us with affordable shopping and delicacy. thx, dad God. Photo Description: a late summer dusk, woz with his proud dad's companion skated in his mom's community. past month witnesses successful overseas purchases as gift for his growth. Photo Description: a golden dusk on way benzrad daily jog after dinner, near QRRS front plaza.

Aug 8, 2015

dreamt of respective leader in QRRS.::this week my son stayed with me in my QRRS dorm, for his mom again traveled. I subscribed boarding with canteen and lunch contractor for a week, cost ￥170. the lunch server accompanys his son tour on Tuesday so we dined out 2 days before woz returned to his mom's custody. his mom actually returned on Friday, earlier 2 day than exclaimed. my son played video games, watched web TV a lot. he more and more askes my companion in game and entertainment, so I gave him a lesson of independence.he ate less in canteen but enjoyed bread meal in addition KFC he chosen.its an important journey for both of us in this week reunion. this dawn I dreamt one of CCP cadre in QRRS rarely respective, Zhou Kaiming, with whom I reached out for help when disputed with once departmental leader and been punished almost jobless, twice when I failed finding another job and returned to QRRS just after I left asylum. also to whom I asked to introduce girl Zhou, for whome I launched blogging after her departure from QRRS Dorms after her apprentice in her senior university year, to me but unavailable and absent at last graduate employee year end party I ever joined in QRRS back to 2009 or so.then dreamt my oldest nephew, son of my eldest sister, treated me well. he didn't help me much in real life.God, dad, the last gift in the pack to improve son's study and entertainment environment arriving, a google nexus 7 tablet. speed up delivery and break barrier to access google play store and other wonderful services. my son looking for it hardly, doesn't under-expect him. bring me sooner my Royal China to space my adventure promoting democracy in China, shelter sinking PRC and Chinese in God's shine. thx dad, after all these turbulence overseas purchases none failed me.

Aug 1, 2015

dreamt of strange marriage.::yesterday I visited my son as holy urged. I'm a bit loathing to do just after lunch but it turned out very productive. I first shifted my bankcomm credit card from woz to my own holding, now that he has another Postal Saving Bank credit card for daily usage. woz admitted it. than I turned talkative while my son writing his homework. I reported him recent interesting stories from news I read in the week, commented with my world view. I babbled almost 3 hours, till my son finished his homework and played video games alone. I urged him making good usage of new dell chromebook 11' touch. when his mom returned to home and drove us outdoor, I brought my son dined out in our favorite restaurant near railway station. I fed him while he busy on his android pad game. I told him merit of Japanese after I learned from watching Japanese TV soaps, unease life of scholarship disclosed from US TV drama, etc. returned to dorm, I myself wondered how much I narrative and resourceful as workout of my daily readings. the night I felt relentless. in dawn dream I dreamt one of my colleague who died in his mid-age when I worked for QRRS cable TV station. he is editor chief of the state-owned-enterprise cable TV, and almost famous within the company for his writing, for official statements, annual year end party and any enterprise cultural carnival anchoring speech. when I worked indirectly under his command, I sensed his bitter frustration as stalemate in career, lack of tech and engineering. he died overnight without any omen nor bedridden. he earlier divorced youth romantic lover then married another woman with a step daughter. his beloved daughter in his first marriage sent by him to China Liberty Army. when she left the service she settled in a middle size city southerner than Qiqihar but still in northeastern China. her wedding ceremony helped by most of her passed dad's former colleagues but not me. I narrowly avoided it among my jobless status in QRRS. I dreamt in dawn I married with the girl and same time married with another girl. my 2 family mirrors parallel in space. we had a boy and he is just smart and sound as expectation. the dream is vivid and lengthy but now I forgot most of it. next week my son will stay with me in my dorm, for his mom again travels.God, grant us a working chromecast which still blocked by China censorship from connecting and no functional. bring us sooner woz's new nexus 7 tablet which now stopped by customs after left Hongkong for more than a week. bring me sooner my Royal China to home my children and aging me.consolidate 2 bank credit limits from temporary to permanent. thx dad, in this silent morning.

[benzillar]

7/22/2015

dreamt of climbing steep hill. :: in dawn dream with some pals climbing hills which r steep and thick of yellow earth turned from rotten rocks. one of graduates from hometown village Zhudajiu, an art student, offered a helping hand when almost climbed the top. also there r tigers among crowd, they drove farming bulls. this month almost a marathon before getting my gifts for son, woz, from US.it drove me tasteless from my routine including site building, blog, tech news digest,etc.I don't know which first, boring in work or action in adventure to power up our living and working environment, or son's mom's Taiwan tourism challenges my serving our son. but one thing is sure, I want improving my son's study and entertainment facility. I want he surfing without sinking PRC's surveillance, want him familiar with digital world from his teenage.I want him living in freedom in homeland like those bureaucracy's offspring sent overseas.I want him enjoy fruits of Christian and democracy.so I ordered him chromebook, nexus 7 tablet,chromecast, and also a chromebit for replacing windows desktop as my own workspace which frequently hacked by China surveillance. the process burning me a lot, for Chinese customs can seize them without precaution. the bundle cost me near ￥5000, with the aid of my recently improved credit limit by ccb bank I survive in face dropping salary due slump economy in China and in QRRS, my once and long time employer. in last step against PRC's Internet blocking, I bought new vpn and gee smart router, which relief my coding demands last resort breaking blocking, equip family frequently been hacked router with openwrt function. God, dad, all my efforts means I am responsible for improving our life quality within my civil space, contrast to CCP's depriving and stealth of individual freedom, unreasonable totalitarian. dad, God, grant us free cyberspace, ensure my son's secured circumstance under despaired PRC.bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls and our children in our dynasty of 1109 years. after heavy rain yesterday, grant me a sunny day to pacify the last waiting.

7/7/2015

dreamt of programming and management.::dreamt hanging with a girl whose family is a billionaire, like HTC chairwoman Cher Wang. I then closely watched the work flow of an affiliate enterprise, a spa. I started to program management software for it, from database to use case design to sql building, I almost finished it, exceptionally programming detailed in dream.

5/7/2015

heavy journey in dreams. :: first dreamt my old mother got pregnant. my kid brother and I discussed how to deal with it. then dreamt in hometown village, Zhudajiu, discussed breath exercise and Chinese traditional Kung fu with graduates in the village, and mourning a passed graduate from the village. when I napped against boring waiting for overseas package after breakfast, I dreamt traveling and dwelt at customs with 2 parcels. the customs staff probed and registered packages, and I tried to rent a upper cell to store my heavier parcel so that my mobility improved to better enjoy the scenery harbor.past week tough for me, for I looking forward my overseas purchased gift for son, a dell chromebook, to arrive sooner.Its my first international cargo. no one tells me its feasibility nor reliability. my routine work on site building also distracted by the waiting, stalemated and rarely updated. I previously pray God allow me present the solution aiming improving my son's study and entertainment environment before his tour to Taiwan in his mom's faculty delegation, but they abrupt aboard in last Friday noon, left me better prepared for the coming bliss in the securer notebook. God, what can I do to speed up the delivery? what can I soother burnout in the prolonged descending cheer? dad, God, such easier thing turns so difficult, why is the curtained hand constantly takes away and messes up? God, dad, grant us light in the end of the tunnel, fruit of faith upon burning thirst when done. bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls with my kids under my Empire lasts 1109 years ahead in eastern Asia. bring us new earth and land in milder weather zone that feeds and baptizes like charming destiny.

29/6/2015

dreamt of Islamic nation. :: in dawn dream, my 2nd elder brother works temporally in mid-east.I live in his house and waiting for him fetching meals for me. then my 2nd elder sister also in the country. I tried to figure out the relation between its custom and its religion, the Islamic, say, larger door indicating open brotherhood within them. last night I slept deeply, likely weekend reunion with my son released my endured expectations, and joy flow find basin of memory and peacefully mixed. through my business my son more and more sensed the burden of living. Saturday night I brought him to dine out in downtown grill buffet, on arrival I told him how I unease upon my debt which mounted to nearly ￥25000. then my smart son, woz, felt dizzy during the dinner, ate less than usual there while first time hangout several weeks ago we both enjoyed the rich meal.dad, God, my life here more and more turned into waiting and enduring. grant me momentous/momentum to move on, to engage myself for adventure. bring me sooner my Royal China to home the eastern Asia. permit my sites online booming in and out of cyberspace. in this golden Monday Morning, bless us new chromebook and chromecast. thx, dad.

25/6/2015

dreamt of Lyu Songya, the girl visited me.:: in dream we r senior middle school students or undergraduates. one boy student followed us when Lyu invited me errand and later I kissed her. our intimacy turns stronger in the adventure and we likely has a son. she good at academy as usual.Its clearly she first time appears in my dream. these weeks totally burning me in waiting for gift for my son, woz, Hope of China. I ordered it on taobao.com, Chinese biggest e-commercial portal, but after nearly a month the vendor told me my specified chromebook was not a touchscreen. I badly need a touch screen to allow woz play android games on chromeOS, so I retreated it. then I tried to order directly on dell.com, order confirmed and a week later canceled for my credit card not a native American one. I also ordered google chromecast for saving woz's sight: his mom recently bought herself bedroom a large LED smart TV, which attacked my son watching closely. I want him keeping a distance from TV lest worsen his eye sight. he already wears a glasses of 400. the shipment from US also needs a month to arrive me, that burns me again. these weeks I don't know why I sleepless and tasteless, or I put too much expectation in the efforts to improve my son's study and entertainment environment. God, my space kept pinched by China surveillance, pl allow me do something to engage myself meaningfully. bring me what I need to shelter my family against looming homelessness in sinking PRC. bring me sooner my Royal China to host the eastern Asia and the drifting continent. thx dad God, see soon my proud works for my son, woz.

[benzillar]

13/6/2015

dreamt of government of Qing dynasty.:: in first dream worked for a young man in his water heat factory. he in fact a gangster entrepreneur, earned first bucket of gold from bloody business, like many succeeded youth in northeastern China, dogs rampant land. I tried to keep distance from the charisma who inspected old facility and made ambitious plan to renovate the steam heat system on a small hill. he tried to attract me over while acute in behalf of his blur dog business. then dream in a large space not likely family but my dad there, he is leaving for his work but concerned deeply my work. I assured him I busy with my websites even its hard with or without marketing. then I saw my website business contacting a Mandarin Primer in cyberspace. then I in another world found he is actually Primer of Qing Dynasty in history. the Emperor of Qing Dynasty also appeared in dream but we didn't exchange many words. Its a sunny dawn, so I decided to cherish the golden moment to blog the dream. last night I talked to my kid brother, urged him to have another baby, as he want a daughter, as long as his financial situation supportive.I told him if he have another child I would less threatened by biocide from sinking PRC tyrant. I urged his mission to defeat our cousin, the first son of our blue collar worker uncle, a teacher, a dean then a bureaucrat like all worst communist cadre. my kid brother impels comparing him with the cousin as enemy, said the sin already failed for his 3 children, all boys, all unsuccessful in career. but I refute my kid brother's impatience, pointing to that one fortune changes anytime and never overlook sinister in preparing or guise, or on the wane. the night I felt harder to sleep, for I know changing matters occurs. God, I saw so many complacent in my site building. allow me to sustain the online service, as well as our diamond domains, to ever brighter scope in future. bring me sooner my Royal China to family me. bring me sooner my girls with our children. Dad,God, allow me more in ur shine.

6/6/2015

dreamt of hooligan.::its a drizzling night while I didn't know the rain outside. I dreamt in dorm a hooligan borrowed my key to open other apartments. I don't want war against the beast so I tried to show him that my key is only working for my room, not compatible with any other room lock. I never allow my key left my hands till the hooligan left futile after my demonstration. the dream very vivid and urgent. when I woke up its 5am and I felt better note it on my mobile. I missed my breakfast after I woke up near 8:30am. its warmer in dorm but the drizzle, expected against everywhere catkins annoying eyes and noses, in time to clean the air. the past week I endured waiting as usual. more times I can't bear and laid down, and each time I napped soon. aging likely takes more and more my joy into enjoyable future glories. burning hope in gathering and social interactivity, boundless delicacies frequently unseat me. I knew my changing taste and away my presence. God, engaged me with fresh idea, committed me in task force, even in this adverse espionage sinking PRC tyrant exerted on us. God, dad, embed me in soil and grows dream of Holy message as usual. take me to ever new journey fills of bravery and consolidation. bring me sooner my Royal China to family me, dad, thx in raining.

2/6/2015

dreamt of journey again.:: first dreamt discussed talents' ethical standard with President Obama, and opposed his choosing of elite. then dreamt of being granted to fly with attendants. before aboard, among stewards and stewardess we moved packages onto the flight. its a honor to work with those young and beautiful people. till the jet launched, the session of dream ends. before I woke up I saw my 2nd elder sister gossiped me among our relatives.Its kind. last week I endured a lot before my Postal Saving Bank of China credit card arrives. God promised me it would be smooth so I just waited. till Friday noon I can't bear the breaking neck looking forward, after near a week, and visited QRRS mail office. a new guy there told me the mail address didn't include departmental detail so they denied the mail. he suggested me hurry to visit local postal office and if lucky enough to catch it before it retreats. it was not there when I checked in. the monitor, a mid aged man urged me informed card issuer to re-mail. but I lingered there till the computer operator, a younger woman extended her help and suggested me visit her next day. I left with gratitude. but in the afternoon I can't bear again and visited the woman in postal office soon. she disappointed and asked me check in next day as planned. returned to dorm rusty sadness so sick that put me asleep on bench in sunshine intact. managed to survive to Saturday, I finally fetched my first VIP credit card from postal office. it comes double: a common PSBC credit card well known for its no annual fee, and a gold credit card valid especially for 6 years. the credit limits not so impressive, each ￥15，000， but may suffice me. the outcome promised but turns so wilder with joy. with the financial tool, I probably better equipped to cop my debt and maintain lifestyle we enjoy. God, dad, I misunderstood credit some time. help me better adopt credit in coming years. grant us fruitful work and life with companion of credits which so graceful. bring me sooner my Royal China to grow and harvest. grant us a flight journey sooner to elevate our burnout in grudging reality in sinking PRC surveillance. thx dad, among so many positive changes these years happened on us.

26/5/2015

dreamt of graduation in dawn after son's birthday. ::dreamt gathering & cooked to celebrate our graduation. the meal includes fruits and porridge. Zhang Chongfu dispatched dishes to us.Huang Junyi and Yang jing happily what they gained in the final exam. even I seriously concerned my final score, which is 45 out of 100, but in fact I won the test to graduate successfully. some of my less lucky alumni, like a girl Fu Jing, 2 other guys hate school, only got a one digit score. yesterday is woz, my dearest son, birthday. I previously intended to linger in dorm which more and more accepted by me as my office. the morning is gloomy pale, after a sunny Sunday. I look forward the sun appears again in clouds to sunburn my wet bed clothes, but it doesn't till I gathered my son and ate his birthday cake I bought him, in his mom's house.God urged me to visit my son on his 10 years' birthday. I grouponed a cake from a likely startup. the cake manually made by a young lady her own in a simple and a bit messy shop but its delicious. my son carefully put on all his 10 candles before we made snapshot advised by his mom. they reportedly will travel to Taiwan with their school delegation in coming summer vacation. I suggested my son using my credit card to buy himself ￥500 or more valued products from the dear island. his mom previously asked if I aid my son's tour, I replied I don't have extra money, but this reply of credit card sufficed her, for she just in lack of foreign credit card. she likely even doesn't know what a visa card looks like. In last week I managed a lot to enable our life easier. I purchased new VPN for woz independently using against more insanely brutal surveillance in sinking tyrant PRC. my application for PSBC credit card, my 4th, got passed and the card due to reach me in this 2 weeks. to celebrate the credit, which likely my first VIP card with largest credit quotation so far in my title, I purchased my son, Hope of China, God of Universe, a dell chromebook with touch screen facilitate his workspace experience as a pupil. the old dell notebook a bit too heavy for him and mainly used as a fix game console and online TV top set. so many good news intensified my nerves and exhausted me in weekends. So I had to ask for absence during game time with my son. he fought alone bravely in weekends online battle field. I even felt dizzy overnight in dorm, after I first tried Japanese style wine from a Japanese cuisine restaurant in downtown we lunched Sunday before weekly shower. God, my life here graceful. I can improve my life in China with lead of America. China doesn't necessarily abused like a hell or pitfall of sins and freaks, we can make it better on our won. dad, God, pl allow my son quality learning space and living standard in my custody. grant us swift move among debt barriers. bring me sooner my Royal China to raise my children, future of China. Photo Description: a little girl whose mother operates a salon in QRRS dorm recently haunted me. here asked to try my camera. I admitted but unease the fragile equipment. Photo Description:harmonious dining out with son, woz, in weekend in a Taiwanese restaurant near railway station. 40 bucks allow us ate 3 famous cuisines. here woz made me a shot near end of the dinner.

[benzillar]

13/5/2015

dreamt of academic nightmare.::in dream my passed mother encouraged me to join campus even I had definitely lost chance to gain my diploma. I talked with a young professor on way to classroom, saw my classmates there, and our mentor woman, Yangkexin, both far from me. I just so singly entrenched among them, spending time aimless and futile just for forgetting the sad end like blackhole. the late spring drizzle lasted more than 4 days. its so rare in Qiqihar, northeastern China. my towel in dorm even can't dry itself. yesterday I added my google adsense code to my 3 new dynamic sites powered by google cloud engine to allow display advertisements which can bring me shared income from the search giant. its so nice to see site vivid with fliers. an article about how to maintain digital legacy after decease also remind me how fragile digital content is without sustainable financial support. it takes a committee or company to carry out operativeness of website instead of elapse of human being. it took me 40 years before I find my vocation, and my engagement with my web presence just launched. OMG, I am in my prime time and happiest stage now, how I need to spare an executive team to long run my digital empire covers thousand and thousand future years for glory of the Son and his gospel! last night I doubted quite awhile if I buzz my son in such a cold and deadly silent night. I more and more reluctant to talk to his mom whose untidiness and dirtiness expels me, and I also hope my son lives in normal and reasonable situation even under the insane woman's custody. my son will envoy himself. my debt to organization now amount to ￥17,000, seemingly I had to apply for second installment. God, dad, u know how I unease with such a draining debt, and how I badly need currency to broaden my business here on the planet. guide us, as well as my nation, my family, peacefully through liability to bank. connect us with evergreen source of fortune, live life of prosperousness. thx,dad, in the drizzle I saw changes brings us advantage. God, land us onto our promised land where doesn't know anxiousness nor want.

6/5/2015

saw so many classmates in morning dream. :: last night a drizzle just wet the ground. the dorm is damned chilly. I join quilt to warm myself after breakfast. so I dreamt my Nankai alumnus went camp. we settled along a small brook and will return to campus overnight. I saw Wenxiong, Chenjiancai, Zhousheng,and lots of schoolmates. the stream less alive, so many worms in it, I didn't want been infected so I just roamed among my busy grilling alumni. later I flied in the middle of the stream but soon my playful schoolmate dragged me down. My heart was sad, for leaving. my package not well tightened while march soon began in the dream. its really a relax to see vivid school life again. the trees and grass all new green now. but spring rain never formally addresses. my heart saddens in these days preparing credit cards pay back. God, dad, grant us free burden in life. improve my apartment's warmth condition once and forever. bring me sooner my Royal China to home me and my concerned. thx, dad.

5/5/2015

dreamt of orgasm. ::recently frequently stay late online and sleepy in the morning. last night first a nightmare of psychopathic woke me up to pee. then dreamt an extraordinary Buddhist nun fight monks and conquered them with deep orgasm. I sensed the way reaching orgasm and satisfied. these days sunshine a bit rare, cloudy late spring let my dorm apartment cold. in mornings my leaking window covered with mists and disappeared till sunny outside late. my son finally now playing online platform. he loves to see gamers over the world joining in his game. last weekends he asked to play all time, allowed me to retire and watched aside. even connecting to servers frequently failed under China surveillance and game session lost, he didn't depreciate my efforts to deploy the platform costs dollar and improved Internet access. we got rid of the old wireless router which frequently victim of hacked. we dined twice delicious meals in the Labor holiday. one is buffet we never haunt before. a shallow drizzle wet some ground when we ate. another is southern Chinese cuisine, which so rich that we had to ask son's mom joining us. leftover bundle enough for carry home even after we three fulfilled. my son asked my promise to stay till 8:30pm and we did: near 8:15pm my son allows me leave when his mom urged him to teeth brush before went to bed. my 2nd elder sister finally offered her loan, ￥1000, to me and it really solving. my websites serving and I dig them casual and leisure. God, dad, I pray for ur salvage for my shortage of currency. we don't sustain large costs but currency of healthy lifestyle maintains consistent supply, while my salary deficits in 2 serial months due slump economy and industrial gloom QRRS in. dad, God, we do enjoy life we have now, except my longing for children and wife. pl lead us through tough shaky road toward dignity and glory. bring me sooner my Royal China and my children as known. bring known broad way to the promised land. thx, dad.

29/4/2015

woz first online game platform.:: last week too busy to blog. we promised a restaurant near my dorm bimonthly haunt, delayed a week we finally fulfilled. in the week I purchased our first pc platform game bundle, from humble bundle in which "PvP: Garden War", my son's long time inspiration, enlists. $10 of my payment will donate by the release company, EA. I also donated $10 to Nepal earthquake rescue. when I pay, I felt complete, not only the goodness, but also empowered pay tool I gained since last year, credit card with world currency like Visa, MasterCard. my responsibility scattered without the financial tool. so last Monday I filed fourth application for PSBC credit card. Postal Saving Bank of China refused me 3 times previously, but I don't see why in its defiance. I have to make prudent choices to maintain 4 credit cards giving my poor income, but that's enough. my new adventure, 3 dynamic sites hosted on Google Cloud Engine, runs smoothly without much I can do now. visitors scarce but I will try my best to sustain its operative. I feel so bright upon our future, with my son, woz, Hope of China, God of Universe, with our 18 diamond domains. last week I slept dog-tired mostly, scampered through short dreams evaded recalling. I also encountered my 1st serious scam. Bankcomm leaked my account, which allows a scam call claimed represented the bank contacted me to sell fraud gift pack. the woman on the phone told me I will pay ￥99 for the pack but a ￥100 mobile fee charging card will issue to me. that's no loss, so I admitted. I absently paid when I visiting my son while the package arrived the dorm. after activated the charging card after I returned to dorm in the night, I found my mobile subscriber does not response. I search online, the case narrowly covertly discussed: forged charging hotline, forged gift pack,forged Ipad TV usb stick (virus positive). sinking PRC brought lots of scams. its police only interests in activists & social causes hunting down, but never criminals. they never fail evil but cost of hope of common people. trees budding since Apr 26. in a night green leaves appears among dark branches after a winter. municipal gardeners busy with watering street fence plants. some flower trees blossom in time. annoying dusts and sands in wind disappeared after stalemate weather dooms the area sultry instead of windiness. God, dad, isn't summer arriving like I dreamt of? I love summer, beautiful female skin and stylish dressing, breeze of shadows and water's baptism. let it come, dad, and bring me my Royal China! bring me my new family and glorious wedding. bring me through debts and delight of life here. thx, dad, God, in this pale morning.

[benzillar]

20/4/2015

a strange hometown dream.:: in the dream I saw a pal, whose mother is a dumb and died early when he in teenager. the pal just broke his marriage and his wife was invited by my 2nd elder brother to dine together and discuss saving the marriage, for my old family is the leading family on genealogy tree in the village, as my elder brother told me in dream. the wife found was the daughter of another guy just near the pal's house. the guy has a female name, 4th sister ( Simei in Chinese). I also ate dinner among the family. I discussed philosophy with the sorry wife, who is a bishop in local church. she didn't has a accurate interest in the bible, and soon left after the dinner. the night I slept deep. the day before it, my son, woz, visited my dorm and ported a night here in bimonthly noble life experience, including cinema, Walmart shopping, dining elegantly out. we watched an English comedy, "Mortdecai", we both enlightened. my son anxious about my comment after I commented so many times upon things around us. next day I tried to install EA's origin game platform on his dell win7 and his favorite game, PVP:Garden War, from our recent purchased humblebundle, but unfortunately download broken, likely due to PRC's surveillance. my son complained too much time cost on the failed operation while gaming time insufficient. lunch before weekly shower I picked a new snack booth which cheaper than usual. then it turned out a huge mistake. the food is less satisfying, and we left rush and mistakenly left woz's cap and shower bag there. when I found my son lost his shower bag, which recently bought online costs ￥80, I scorned him sincerely. he likely felt I would care his bag while I took granted its his job. we walked near 3 bus stop returning to the cheap restaurant. luckily our bag saved by the owner and it returned to us. in shower I felt sorry for too many scorns and I helped my son shampoo his hairs and back body. I also bought him cola when a neighbor kid drank from his bottled water. we spent medium on fruits, but strongly recommended early melon to my son. he took my advise and enjoys the fresh and juicy fruit. his mom soon fetched him outside for sports, I stayed alone till they returned more than 1 hour later, just roamed and reviewed. his mom, a bitch, found I there started to curse again. I fed my son 3 slices of oranges then I left. Its a sad weekend, when I went to bed before sleep, review what I told my son events he even didn't remember when we fought for living before I last time lived with my mother after left him with his consent in his 2 years old among adversity. dad, God, u know all these memories. bring me sooner my Royal China to let the family history flow evergreen. grant us free of debt in coming years when we broaden our business here promotion democracy in China, the old glorious land scarred under PRC since the fall of Ming dynasty under my family title. thx, dad, this sleeping morning I survive.

16/4/2015

GCE powered sites of zhone almost settled.::these days a bit busy. with aid of powerful google and handy web documents, I almost hammered 3 dynamic sites down on google cloud platform. they r zho.io, agarten.in, and bbs.zhuson.com. the latter is my long time promise for my hometown folks in village Zhudajiu where more and more families got wired nowadays but without cyberspace community. once prepared QRRS, my once and long time employer, its trial dynamic site, I gained some expertise on php. so setup php web apps not a pain for me, but setup web server on linux is fresh new for me. I intensified search the web for help on ssh,ssl and it didn't fail me. I had several night worked lately till 3am to quit. mid night usually productive. I also recently refined the 3 dynamic sites theme customization, header, footer, zhone's 18 affiliate domains link bundle, etc. sensible progress everyday steadily let me glad, even I know it would last all my life, for I need time to dwell destiny. the gay in dorm still barking all around me, but its echoes seemingly farer and farer. my son, woz, frequents several games and loathed to try new ones, so I was free to hunt and adopt him new adventures. yesterday I read EA release humblebundle 2 which includes "Plants vs Zombies: Garden War", my son's favorite but unable to try, I immediately ordered it. it will be our first online pc game. so nice! in the week I also equipped my dorm life a boiler cup, for dorm's shared boiler setup highest temperature 80℃, according the engineer's reply to my innocent complain, lest risk of blow fuse,foolish reason like himself. so, so many years I all drank water not even boiled. my new boiler economic for me, ￥45, and heating can improve room against its coldness due incomplete seal of window frame. and best cause, boiled water allow me enjoy better teas. God, my life always expects my new Empire of China last 1109 years ahead. this dawn dreamt I with my son in Tian'anmen Square. bring me sooner my Royal China in time my prime. grant me debt free in coming months till payment of 18 domains cleared. thx dad, God, in this silent morning.

9/4/2015

dreamed of academy. ::these days preparing web apps brought heaviest hacking from China surveillance exhausted me. according online documents they should be working well but problematic in my cases, even local tests fine but on server side they broke, either scripts or database. when I reached a plan to rent a cloud service like amazon AWS or google cloud platform, PRC government backed hacking desperately intervened: they hijacked my chromebook's touchpad and messed the chrome os;they censored every web page I attempted to access and blocked or let page loading lagged.this dawn I was in campus again, with philosophy professors. in dream my main topic is every theory would expanding its scope by extending along opposing direction, which increases contrast forces' battle in observation, like any living creature. only changing reality in time's phrase alters the theory's focus and fade its concerns. its likely just a new school term after vacation. professors encouraged me to elaborate my thesis. some classmates, strangely none of my classmates actually, talked to me, one of them told me brutal conflicts in his hometown nowadays common scenes between abused state power and helpless farmers' properties. last week a late snow, lasted 2 days, an in time gift for farming, dented some photos in my camera. Chinese traditional mourning day holiday also just passed. the ugly tradition brought many foolish Chinese burning paper treasure instead of real ones in hope that will let their passed relatives in hell living well. the pollution and wastes really annoying, like Chinese government's took granted the sovereign around its people and land can be dictated by it. but bible long makes it clear, land owner, nor residents, don't holy mean they own. PRC desperate building in land Internet separates outer world, seemingly claims they own the land and population, as well as conversation on the web as their property, what a laugh! the world created by God, never any sinful man inherits. Internet and conversation online doesn't belong to dictation CCP, nor the territory and nationality, rather, they belongs to better world, the holy visionary. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls and my offspring in a closer date. let my mission here solid engaged. thx dad, in the pale morning fosters security.

1/4/2015

to deploy web app on family sites. ::these days busy with deploying php forum, cms on google cloud service under zhone domains, bbs.zhuson.com and zho.io.China surveillance broke my os several times in developing stage so far, let web as well as database server unavailable times and times, against my effects to fix its ruin. exactly these days the shameless GFW, PRC's largest scale Internet surveillance, challenged github.com by DDOS attack which now a laugh of shameless and lowness and failure of ass.the abnormal gay in dorm still tried his best to stalk me, showing more it's a plot of high order. this morning I slept sweet, dreamt a woman IT staff of my once workplace dated with me during a summit.later I got know her parents, likely earlier graduate in Mao's era and migrated to northeastern China like me. sometime the woman mingled with her little daughter in dream, both proud and smart enough. I know they both treated by their family dearly. breakfast is delicious and the morning sunshine milk alike. last weekends my son, woz, Hope of China, roamed outside in his mom's community as his mom advised after we gamed a lot on pc and android pad. woz played awhile among outdoor elders training zone aside the stadium. we made nice photos. my dorm's windows not sealed properly, I reported to dorm director but she urged I my own to fix it. the neighbor new dorm resumed building after postpone during winter. this morning hammers and crane sang noisy again in crisp air, just aside my dorm. God, dad, I'm contented with this dorm except unsure if heat system overcomes leaking windows. grant us warm winter next year. grant us debt free and zhone's domain ownership consolidated. bring me sooner my Royal China and my girls, our offspring to come. in this silent morning I have no reason not to drink bliss of holy. thx, dad.