benzjones-blog

[benzjones-blog]

I just sweated out half my life, curls, and new Fenty makeup playing with this damn heatwave, summer can kick rocks for all I care. But if you’re talking brunch or bonfires, I might reconsider and get my youthful romp on. So long as I can sit in somebody’s A/C.

Ugh. Summer is nearly over and I haven’t done anything summery at all. No rooftop parties. No boozy brunches. No showing off my gorgeous figure in a hot pink bikini – which is awful, cause that not only sucks for me but for you guys too – and no bonfires. I hate adulting. We need to fix this. 

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betwixtblonde‌:

Nothing’s stopping you from going out there and buying those glasses with the plastic lenses! Ugh, it’s truly a dream. I’d personally love to feel like an 80′s widowed housewife who just inherited a whole bunch of money and land, dare I say the American Dream right there. Ooh, yes please! Or just a wedding theme in general. Richard Madden is a pretty good reason to do anything.

I can always count on you to enable me. Consider them already paid for. That is an aesthetic I’m here for. Inherited money and land, maybe hiring Richard Madden as the hot caretaker who works on the land. Everyone wins. I don’t know if that’s a Dr. Jones-approved wedding theme...which actually makes it even more appealing now that I think about it. 

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candiedkahlo‌:

You think so? I always imagined Jesus was, like, the epitome of goodness and righteousness. You know, I’m sure Martha Lou and Joesph always reprimanded their children by saying, “Be more like Jesus! Walk-in faith, do good by others, turn water into wine, blah, blah, blah.” 

That’s a yikes if I ever did hear one. So not, like, Whitley Gilbert beige and bougie?  I can’t lie: black garlic organic cheese aoli pizza is truly delicious. If we’re ever in New York at the same time, we’ll have to grab some together. But I get your point: it’s not cool. I hope she’s not thinking of moving anywhere. These teens in Novis need her. Hell, I still need her. Eventually … but like, I’m sure you’ve got a ton of time. Bridesmaids are really just there to do your bidding so you don’t have to choose wisely or anything. As long as you’ve got a date and a venue set already.

I was thinking of doing that. Maybe charging their parents a ‘Your Kids Keep Making Out on the Large Sea Shell’ fee. 

Sure he walked in faith, but he also got hype and flipped tables when the merchants tried to turn the church into a marketplace, and hated the tax me,  so it’s all open to interpretation. 

Nah, more like culture vultures who like the aesthetic of the city but not the people. Ugh, don’t tell me that. I can’t believe I gotta drop you so soon after we’re reunited. Aoli tearing folks apart as usual. Can’t say what her plans are, but that’s typical. I found out about the move from social media. She does have her own parking spot downtown not to mention the holiday gift haul from her patients, so y’know, plenty of perks to staying in Novis. There’s a few dates in mind but nothing concrete. Quinn’s been running point on venues and I guess eventually I’ll have to look at those options. 

Ooh, fashion, shaming, and a teachable moment all in one. Sounds great. 

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tasteofhudson‌:

Of course. You gotta have a plan before you start anything so obviously life changing. Well maybe my new ASMR friends won’t just automatically assume I’m gonna mess up the kitchen. Ever thought about that?

Please, you’ll be the first name in my acceptance speech when I win…whatever award you can win for being internet famous.

Those fake insta friends don’t know you like I do, is all I’m saying. There’s a strong possibility of some kind of explosion in this Bill Nye scheme.

They totally have one. The Shortys. And I won’t even side-eye the kitchen mess if you win one and I get my shoutout as your muse.

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tastesantana‌:

Oh, how I love the think pieces people write when it comes to movies that have too much of a storyline to it. I agree, the two of you together could come up with the next major Hollywood blockbuster, and we’d be insanely famous afterwards. Only you would support me and Puck bitch slapping each other. I don’t even think either of us could fake nice to the other at this point. Maybe if he stopped being a douche, but that’ll never happen. Man, the amount of offers being handed out to boring Youtube/IG models with no real talent is just disrespectful. If I have to see one more of them in one of my favorite tv shows or some huge movie, I’m gonna lose it. Where’s our starring roles?

Some of it is good food for thought but most time it’s a lot of reaching. I’m saying. Plus, who better to write our story than someone who was actually there? Do our inside jokes some justice. Fake nice is so 2010 anyway. Least y’all know where the other stands, a constant in today’s chaos. The douche is part of his built-in charm, just like that glare is all yours. Right? The injustice. I blame the hype around going viral, too many clout chasers. And I know we were doing viral shit for attention but at least our stuff was always entertaining. 

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betwixtblonde‌:

We’d kill it in those lab coats and thick-rimmed glasses. The 90′s are great but the big hair and big shoulder pads and crazy color combinations? Iconic. I’ll get on it then! I will add it to the list. I’m so glad I never got passed season one of Game of Thrones, I couldn’t handle stuff like that. 

Not gonna lie, I’d do it all just for the glasses, Yes! The color combos, wearing silk nightgowns and makeup to bed, go full Joan Collins in Dynasty. We’re gonna look so good. I smell a bachelorette party theme coming on. I almost wish I’d stopped watching at season one, it would’ve spared me so much wasted time. I blame Richard Madden for being so fine. 

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tasteofsam‌:

Yeah. Dunno what’s wrong with a normal name. Sure, there’s a bunch of Sams and it gets pretty confusing when you’re at school, but – it’s a solid name. Reliable. Hard-working. The kinda traits you want your kids to have, rather than an affinity for Italian food and a hatred for a particular day of the week.

Kinda feels a little sacrilegious for you to be comparin’ the Skywalker twins to Jaime and Cersei. I’m not – hurt. Just disappointed. Luke and Leia deserve better and I think you know it, Mercedes. 

Garfield is such a great name for a pet, but for a kid it sounds like they’re wearing a fanny pack and winning at least three rounds of bingo. Reliable, hard-working...so does this mean you’re keeping the name alive for the next generation? Will there be a Sam Evans sequel? 

Sorry to let you and the Force down. I’m just saying things got a little weird there with the Skywalkers for like, half a second. But then we got Han and Leia and all was right in the galaxy. 

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candiedkahlo‌:

Hold a seat for me if you make it there before I do. And be sure to put in a good word for me. I’m pretty sure God still thinks about that time I told my mother I hated her. I think he’s going to use that against me. 

They’re gentrifying pizza shops now? Oh, that’s a new low. I saw a video where they were attempting to do it to a local bodega. I’m no New Yorker, but I would have totally went Cardi B on them. Yeah, I heard about your old house. I loved that place. I always wanted your mom to adopt me. You can make it up to me by making me a bridesmaid. 

I’ve been okay. Mostly working at the museum and convincing teenagers that the marijuana exhibit is not for making out and that I do not sell weed. When I’m not doing that, I’m usually bothering Mike. 

I’ll try. You just know Jesus had a wild phase back in the day, called his daddy much worse ‘cause lowkey he really did just leave him for another man to raise so I’d imagine God’s understanding when it comes to parental beefs, you might be fine.

 I can’t say too much about transplants since I’m one but a certain kind of beige and bougie comes through the neighborhood and suddenly they’re charging $7 a slice for some gluten-free black garlic organic cheese aoli shit and it’s like, relax. Yeah, don’t know what got into her to sell the place but now I’m stuck tripping over boxes while she does her ‘new chapter’ thing. Oh bridesmaids...I guess I’d need to figure that out eventually. 

You almost hooked me into a ‘kids these days’ rant but instead I’ll suggest carry a spray bottle and spritzing them down next time they wanna make out in the museum. I’m sure Mike deserves all that bothering, that boy stays busy.

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tasteofhudson‌:

Your loss. Just don’t come crawling back to me when you see the power of slime ASMR and wanna get in on the action, you had your chance. No, the best part is you don’t even have to talk. It’s all in the slime. You just squish it and stuff, throw on a billion hashtags, and boom. Fame and fortune. And I mean, sure, maybe you gotta sell out a few times to get those #sponsorships, but maybe it’s worth it. The benefit is playing with slime, Mercedes.

Got it all planned out, huh? I had a feeling once you and those fingers get ASMR famous you’d forget the little people along the way. You know, the ones who didn’t mind you messing up the kitchen before the slime game changed you. I was with you before the flat tummy tea, Finn! Remember that.

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tastesantana‌:

Considering that we all ended up back here, unplanned at that, I could see that playing right into the underlying lesson of the film. See, I don’t even hate Fuckerman, I just feel like dragging the back of my hand across that ugly mug whenever I have to look at him. Who can blame me? Damn we’re going for a trilogy here? I knew there had to be one person around here I could rely on when it came to chasing a bag. We need to book a meeting with Jordan ASAP.

Exactly. Drive home that symbolism stuff everyone likes to twitter rant about. Jordan should just go ahead hire me as the lead writer, now that I think about it. Right, right what’s a backhand or two between former classmates? Least you’ve kept the energy over the years instead of faking the funk. I know a good idea when I hear it, and considering how many of these Youtube/IG clowns got media deals despite being boring as hell, it’s only fair folks with actual talent take a shot. 

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tasteofsam‌:

Uh – there was one where they cut open a lasagne. On a Monday. The pasta turned out blue and I’m like, pretty sure they were debating calling the kid Garfield. Nice people, but a little kooky for sure. Right? Lil’ babies on the Iron Throne is definitely something people would get behind. I’m just waitin’ til we get a Tyrion – or a set of twins named Jaime and Cersei, ‘cause I’m 100% sure someone’s gunna catch like… one episode, misunderstand, and roll with that. Bound to happen soon.

That’s a lot to unpack. Blue lasagna, Garfield...poor kid doesn’t stand a chance. Like I get where they were going, far as themes but also...why. People try way too hard to be creative. The Jamie and Cersei stuff is basically Luke and Leia all over again, but like way worse. Nobody needs to be anything like those Lannisters. So glad I haven’t come across a Joffrey yet ‘cause you know that kid’s gonna have it rough.

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candiedkahlo‌:

They are going out of business, aren’t they? What fashionable God do we have to thank for that? Yes, girl. Selena heaven is where it’s at. Asada fries and all. And I’m sure Whitney and Prince make regular visits. 

There are several things I don’t mess around with and it’s another woman’s Sephora. I will help you haunt her. How was New York anyway? We haven’t really caught up since you been back.

No idea but I hope they accept fruit baskets. Ugh, now I want asada fries. And celestial concerts where Selena, Whitney, and Prince performs together. We’re missing out, but they can just hold my VIP spot for now.

Knew I could count on you to be a real one. Not with the coins I drop on serums, somebody’s gotta get haunted. New York was great, Finally found a pizza spot that wasn’t gentrified to hell, and my apartment was nice. Don’t miss the Metro prices, but the atmosphere was fun. Yeah, I guess I’ve had a few things to keep me busy since coming back. How’ve you been, tho? 

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betwixtblonde‌:

Honestly, who doesn’t? It’s easily the most fun aesthetic there is. I’m sure we could get Netflix to have us appear as a couple of 80′s scientists for a scene. And what better way to find out all the spoilers than being on the set where they’re filming it all? I never even saw Bird Box but I still know all the plot line because of all the spoilers I saw. Well, I think now it’s back to at least a week long break before starting any new kind of show. 

Sounds doable. Get our fake scientist on, you get your spoilers, and we can bring on the second revival of 80s aesthetics and the 90s obsession will finally be defeated. That’s unfortunate. Bird Box is still worth checking out, if only to see if it lives up to the hype. But I support that binge break, it’s so necessary.Gotta process or in my case with GoT, cool down ‘cause I was so annoyed.

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tastesantana‌:

I didn’t even think about pitching it to Jordan but holy shit, that’s probably the best way to get this to happen. He’d add in some freaky, confusing life lesson as the underlying plot and bam, another successful movie! Can you imagine how incredible that death scene would be? The jock being taken out for being a smart ass always ends up being one of the more gruesome death scenes, and I’d love to see even a fake Puck catch some hands. You’d be a pretty bad ass villain, ngl. The fans would love that sot of twist. As for me, I’ll take the final girl role since you took the killer. We can have this cool final showdown moment that results in me ending you…or so we think. Pull a classic horror movie ending and have you ‘disappear’ after I supposedly kill you, and then we get a sequel. We’d break the box office records.

Right? Plot twist, some social commentary about the digging into the ghosts of our past, and a bomb soundtrack too. Nice to see you’re still about that ‘hate on sight’ life with Puck, it’s the little consistent things that make it really feel like a reunion. Me vs You as the final boss battle is something I never thought I’d need but yes. Last ones standing, back for the sequel, then stretch it out to trilogy status where we gotta join forces against an even worse villain. We’re about to be cult icons.

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tasteofsam‌:

I’m in two minds, ‘cause kids on sugar can be scarier than ghosts, or they can just be super cute and hyper, especially knowin’ that I don’t have to be there when they crash. Between that and gender reveal parties, though, weird instagram parenting trends seem to be makin’ up a bunch of my business. So no complaints here. And you joke about Khaleese, but I’ve had three kids called Arya already this year. Peeps got bit by the GOT bug hard. I might invest in a Iron Throne prop for babies, just really lean into the skid.

Causing the cake chaos and dipping out before the aftermath, smart. Right? It’s wild to think gender reveals didn’t exist like 10 years ago and now there’s people shooting at balloons filled with blue or pink powder. I gotta ask, what’s the wildest reveal party you had to shoot? I believe you about Arya and really, if we’re talking bomb names from GoT, that’s probably the best way to go. Not gonna lie, a mini Iron Throne sounds cute as hell. Catch some little kid named Night King Smith chilling on it.

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