beomgyucoded - Tumblr blog

beomgyucoded · 4 months ago

Text

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, teeny bit of angst

Word Count: 19.8 k

Summary: a collection of diary entries turned love letters that tell the story of how you fell in love with Choi Beomgyu

*previously released as a series

*regular text is present day

*bold text are the diary entries/letters

*italic text are flashbacks

Note: I live in the U.S. so I based the school years on how mine went. Parts are going to vary in length, some will be super short and others will be long with multiple diary entries. They become more complex as the reader gets older. Also, all the members are the same age in this story!

Right now, a smile tugged at the corner of his rosy lips, and his eyes turned to look down at the ground. His fingers twitched as he twirled the wispy ends of his shoulder-length hair and pulled them through his fingers like he was soothing himself. The shy, sweet smile on his face brought one to yours. He was so beautiful, and you know you weren’t the only one to think so. You were positive everyone either wanted him in any way they could have him or wanted to be him. It was a bet you could easily win, because for as long as you could remember, people would come up to you and ask if you knew the pretty boy with the shy smile.

To this, you always answered, “I do, but not well.”

Which was mostly true. You’ve been acquainted with the boy since you were six years old, and started elementary school. You could never forget the day you met and he gave you a small wave, his face mostly hidden because he was hiding behind his parents. That was the day you started to adore him. Being a simple minded six year old, when you went home that day, you wrote in your little notebook about him.

Years have gone by since then, and you're now in your late teens. You've watched him grow into an even more beautiful person, his features sharper and more defined, his hair still just as long and wispy as it was when he was a child. It seemed like everyone in your small town knew him, but he remained just as shy as ever, preferring to keep to himself or stick close to his group of friends.

You've continued writing since that first meeting, mentioning him in your notebook more times than you can count. All of it was words of admiration at first, before you became friends. The only interaction between the two of you was polite and brief. You were even shyer than him, so you stuck to just admiring him from afar, a simple smile or gesture of acknowledgement from him enough to make you blush a warm pink. As you got older, your friendship began to bud and now in high school, you were part of the same circle of friends.

You continued to watch him twirl his hair between his fingers, and you couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to have those soft locks teasing your own fingertips. But you quickly brushed the thought aside, feeling your face heat up with embarrassment. You couldn't believe you even thought of doing something like that, let alone actually being able to do it. You looked away, casting your eyes downwards towards the open notebook in front of you on the lunch table.

Glancing back up at him from under your lashes, you saw that he was still lost in his own thoughts, his smile fading away slowly as he continued to twirl his hair absentmindedly. You wondered what he was thinking about. Perhaps he was contemplating something important, or maybe he was just lost in his own world as usual. Another thing, he was always writing. You often found him deep in thought and writing in a little black notebook. One that matched yours, except yours was filled with pretty words and poems and love letters you won't send.

September 4th, 2007

Today was my first day of school. I made a new friend that’s a boy. He was shy just like me. He hid behind his mommy and daddy but he waved at me. He looked kind of like a circle.

It was your first day of school and you were beyond excited. You woke up bright and early that morning, putting on the outfit you picked out the night before just for the first day.

Your parents dropped you off and you walked into class with a smile on your face, feeling nervous and shy but ready to start going to school. As you settled into your seat, you looked around the room and saw the other kids with their parents, either crying or holding onto them for dear life, not wanting to be left alone in a new environment without them.

But then you saw him.

He was standing behind his parents, hiding behind them. You tried to catch his eye and give him a friendly smile, hoping to make him feel welcome, despite feeling just as shy as him. Eventually, he saw you and waved back with a small smile. You felt happy that you had made a new friend and curious about him at the same time. The boy and you sat side by side during the morning assembly. Even though you were too shy to make conversation, just sitting next to each other felt comforting. You made slight attempts at communication. Glancing furtively at each other whenever your teacher wasn’t watching, and smiled ever so slightly when your eyes met for a brief moment before looking away again with blushing cheeks.

You learned his name was Beomgyu.

September 5th, 2007

I thought Beomgyu was my friend. When I got to school today, all the boys stayed with each other and all the girls stayed with each other while we were on the playground. He said the other boys said he couldn’t have friends that were girls because girls were icky. That hurt my feelings, if I’m icky, then he’s icky.

Beomgyu's interaction with the rest of his peers on that day started off well enough. He talked more today and tried to joke around with the other boys, trying to get over his shyness. But when the boys started grouping up together in one spot while the girls stayed by themselves in another, he suddenly stopped talking to you entirely and acted like you weren't friends at all anymore.

No matter how hard you tried to approach him or get his attention again he clearly sent out a message that felt like "you're not one of us" so it got harder for you to try again - especially after hearing those distressing words about how icky girls were. That was the last time you were talking to him, you decided.

As the school day went on, and being the pouty six year old you were, you found yourself avoiding Beomgyu at all costs. You didn't want to be associated with someone who would abandon their friend so easily. When school was over that day and you were waiting for your mom to pick you up, you felt a small tap on your shoulder. It was Beomgyu.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into your ear as he held onto your hand tightly.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier. You're not icky."

You looked up at him, a frown on your face.

"Why did you say that then?"

"I was just trying to be friends with the other boys," he admitted.

"it's okay," you forgave him easily.

He smiled.

"Can we still be friends?" he asked sheepishly, extending his pinkie towards you.

It was then that some of the other boys in your class saw the two of you and started teasing, calling Beomgyu a sissy for being so close to a girl or mocking him for even attempting to make up with you after what had transpired earlier today. He lowered both his head and his pinkie, feeling hurt by their comments. You wanted to do something, but you knew if you said anything that they would just tease him more. So, you walked off, deciding to leave him alone and wait for your mom somewhere else. That was the last time the two of you spoke.

You didn’t try to be his friend after that.

May 28th, 2011

I went to my first boy/girl party today. It started so late too. I showed up at 6 pm but the invitation said 5. My friends said it's better to be “fashionably late”, whatever that means. Beomgyu was there too, he smiled at me and I smiled back. My friends saw when this happened and they started squealing and making “ooh” sounds. That was annoying. Beomgyu and I aren’t even friends. The rest of the party was spent with everyone practically checking each other out, girls on one side of the room and boys on the other. We’re all ten now, I guess double digits means girls aren’t icky to boys anymore and the other way around. After all the craziness that happened at this first party, I've decided that I don't like parties. Even if boys will be there. (Even if Beomgyu will be there). Oh, and I had my first kiss tonight. (Almost had my second one too).

Today was an exciting day. A classmate was celebrating his tenth birthday and everyone was invited to the party. He promised it would be just like the ones we saw in movies. His parents would stay in their room, leaving us to have fun and play games until it was time to cut the cake. There would be pizza, video games, and lots of sweets for us to enjoy. He made sure to invite both boys and girls, and there were even rumors about kissing at the party. When you and your friends received your invitations, they suggested that you all go shopping together at the mall to find new outfits for the occasion.

After your dad picked you up from school that Friday, he dropped you off at the mall. A few of your friend's moms would be chaperoning your group as you all went shopping together. You spent most of the day wandering around the mall, trying on different clothes and listening to your friends giggle about boys. You didn't really care too much about boys or kissing, so you just listened to them, softly giggling and sometimes blushing at their words.

On the day of the party, you put on your new dress and met up with your friends in front of the birthday boy's house. As soon as you walked in, the sound of laughter and music filled your ears. The boys were playing video games on one side of the room while the girls huddled together in the opposite corner. You spotted Beomgyu across the room and he looked different somehow.

He wasn't wearing his usual clothes, and his hair was parted showing his forehead. You didn't know that boys could do that too. He was wearing a blue shirt with black jeans, and his hair was styled neatly to the side. You felt a strange stirring in your chest as your eyes met his, and you quickly looked away. When you met his gaze again, you greeted him with a smile, and he smiled back warmly. Your friends were quick to start making teasing comments, but you ignored them.

The two of you smiling at each other wasn't anything new. It was always a smile and wave when you two would see each other in school, as a form of acknowledgment. You always wondered if the two of you would be best friends if you decided to just ignore the stupid comments from your classmates when you were younger. There was no animosity between you, but it's not like the two of you talked aside from a simple hi or "you dropped this".

At some point during the night, a game of Truth or Dare began, and you found yourself sitting next to Beomgyu. The other players were daring each other to do ridiculous things like climb trees and sing at the top of their lungs.

"Beomgyu, truth or dare?" one of the boys asked, snapping you out of your thoughts and looking at him.

"Truth," he responded with a smile.

"Do you like anyone?"

All eyes turned to Beomgyu as he blushed and looked away.

"Maybe," he said shyly.

You felt your heart skip a beat as the other kids started teasing him. You didn't know why you were feeling like this, maybe it was because you were sitting so close to him and he looked so cute. The game quickly ended after that, and people started to break off into groups around the room, groups of boys and girls this time. You stayed with your friends and a few other boys, but your eyes kept wandering. You noticed how Beomgyu stood close to a girl and she would giggle and smile up at him. When this happened, the others standing with them started making “ooh” sounds and it made you feel uneasy in your stomach.

The cake was cut eventually, and the birthday boy decided he wanted to play another game. Everyone huddled around the middle of the room for a game of spin-the-bottle. You took your place in the circle awkwardly, not really wanting to participate but feeling like you had no choice at this point. The bottle spun around and landed on a girl who giggled loudly as she leaned in to kiss one of the boys in the circle. You watched as everyone took their turns, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second. When it was Beomgyu's turn, he spun the bottle nervously, and it landed on you. You felt your heart race as he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours softly before pulling away. It was a quick peck, but it was enough to make your head spin.

After the game ended, you sat down on the couch, feeling flushed. Beomgyu sat down next to you, looking at you with concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

You nodded slowly, trying to process what just happened.

"I don't like parties," you blurted out suddenly.

Beomgyu looked at you quizzically. "Why not?"

"I don't know," you said honestly. "It's just...there's so much pressure to be someone else. To fit in or do things I'm not comfortable with."

You felt oddly comfortable with him right now though.

Beomgyu nodded slowly, fidgeting with the ends of his shirt.

"I feel the same way sometimes," he admitted.

You looked at him in surprise, wondering why he would feel that way when he seemed so popular.

"Why?" you questioned quietly.

"Because sometimes it feels like I have to be someone I'm not for them to like me," he said carefully.

"Sometimes I just want to be real and not care what anyone else thinks."

"And who is that?" you asked him, turning to fully face him now.

He looked at you confused and you just laughed.

“Who’s the real Beomgyu then?” you clarified.

Beomgyu just smiled at you, his eyes sparkling just like they always did.

“He’s someone a lot quieter and to himself. I’m not sure anyone would like the real Beomgyu,” he said softly and dropped his head.

“I would.”

The words slipped out of your mouth before you even realized what you were saying. Beomgyu looked up at you, surprise etched on his face. For a moment, neither of you spoke, just looking at each other in silence.

"Really?" Beomgyu finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded, feeling your heart race with adrenaline.

"Really," you repeated, a little more confident this time.

A small smile spread across Beomgyu's face, and before you knew it, he was leaning in to kiss you again. However, before your lips could touch, one of his friends called out for him. He gave you an apologetic look and you gave him a small smile in return, telling him to go. You were still flustered over the first kiss and there was about to be a second one.

September 6th, 2012

Today was the first day of middle school. I wasn’t nervous for the first day, even though it was a new school with new people. A lot of my friends from elementary school applied to the same school as me, so I knew some people. I was surprised to see Beomgyu and some of his friends though. I didn’t know he applied here too. I only found out because his locker is right next to mine and will be for the next three years. He was still a little shy and it was still cute. I met a lot of new people today and my friends said the boys in middle school were much cuter. They talked about who would look good with who in our little group and even I got curious. I heard things about eighth graders dating, but did sixth graders do that too? I won’t tell my friends, but Taehyun in my math class is cute, and really smart too. I saw Beomgyu with a girl today, they looked like they were flirting and I felt weird. Middle school is like a whole new world.

Today was the first day of middle school, your friends and you were now in the 6th grade and things were changing. You weren’t one to be nervous for the first day of school ever, but your friends were. You spent last night on a video call with them trying to help them decide on what to wear today. You didn’t understand why it mattered so much and they would reply with, “it's middle school (y/n).”

As you walked into school, you could hear the chatter of students and the sound of lockers slamming. But something caught your eye, someone you didn't expect to see here, Beomgyu. Your heart raced as you realized you would be seeing him every day for the next three years and at the fact that your locker was right next to his. Beomgyu caught your gaze and gave you that same small smile, the one he always did.

Returning his smile, you gave a small wave and pretended to fiddle with your locker, unsure of how to act in this situation.

"Hey, (y/n), do you remember me?" Beomgyu asked shyly.

"Of course I do Beomgyu, I didn't know you applied to this school," you replied softly, finding it adorable that he thought you’d forget about him so easily.

“It’s a good school and was the closest to home,” Beomgyu said, as he started to open his locker and put his books in.

You couldn’t help but steal glances at him, noticing how he changed since the last time you saw him at graduation. His hair was a little longer and he got taller. He was still pretty scrawny though. The bell rang shortly after and you both walked to your first class. Seeing that you two were walking in the same direction, Beomgyu started softly talking about his summer vacation and how he spent most of it playing video games. You nodded along, but your mind was elsewhere. He was still shy, you mentally noted, and it was even more endearing to you now. He waved to you when he got to his class and you smiled, not really sure of how else to respond, and kept walking.

When you finally arrived at your first class, you were relieved to see that some of your other friends from elementary school were in the same class as you. You greeted them with hugs and excitement, trying to push the awkwardness with Beomgyu aside. Throughout the day, you kept encountering him in the hallways and found out that you shared a few classes. Every time you'd see each other, you'd smile and wave, like the routine you developed in elementary school. It was familiar, in a comforting way, and the awkwardness you were feeling towards him started to dissipate as the day continued.

At lunch you saw him sitting with two new boys that didn't go to elementary school with you guys. You recognized them, since they were in a few of your classes too. Their names were Kang Taehyun and Huening Kai. Taehyun sat next to you in math, he had big, round, pretty eyes. Kai sat at your table in social studies and he was really friendly. His laugh was really loud but it made you want to laugh with him. Kai was animatedly talking about something with Taehyun, and Beomgyu had a hand resting on his cheek, a pen in the other hand writing something in a little book. You couldn’t help but wonder what it was that he was writing. When he noticed you, he gave you a small wave and went back to whatever he was writing, the small encounter causing you to blush for some reason. You shook your head slightly and looked around the cafeteria trying to spot any of your friends, going over to their table when you did. You pulled out your own little book and started to doodle, while listening to your friends gossip and talk about boys they thought were cute.

The rest of your day went by in a blur, nothing exciting happening since all your teachers basically did the same thing today. You walked to your locker when the last bell rang, stopping in your tracks when you saw Beomgyu at his. He wasn’t alone though, there was a girl next to him and she was leaning against your locker, twirling her hair a little too forcefully as they talked to each other. You recognized her, she went to elementary school with you and was fairly popular. You remembered all the boys in your class having a crush on her. You felt strange as you watched Beomgyu laugh with the girl, his hand resting on her arm. You decided to gather your things and just go home, not wanting to see whatever was happening between them.

“Excuse me,” you muttered softly, and she looked at you annoyed.

You pointed to your locker and she moved, quickly going back to giggling at Beomgyu, which caused you to roll your eyes. Beomgyu looked at you when he heard your voice and gave you a small smile, like he usually did, but it felt different this time. You managed to give him a tight smile before walking away and going home.

November 2nd, 2012

Today was my first school dance, it was a halloween dance. Halloween was on a wednesday this year, but they didn't think it was convenient to have the dance on a wednesday, so it was pushed to today. It was weird to dress up in a costume in November, but I suppose costume parties aren’t just for halloween. I dressed up as an angel. My friends seem to make a big deal about a lot of our first experiences, like today, they decided we should all get ready together and then show up to the dance together. When they first heard about the dance, they immediately thought we should try to get dates. Sometimes I wonder why I’m friends with them because our interests and the things we prioritize are so different. They kept their word and managed to get dates, I didn’t, because I didn’t even want to go in the first place. Even though I didn’t have a date to my first dance, someone did ask me to dance and their costume paired well with mine. It was sweet of them to ask. Beomgyu was there and he had a date. It was the same girl I saw him with that one day by our lockers, and almost everyday since then. Are they dating now? If they are, good for them. I don't care…

Today felt like it was dragging along. You felt like it was always like that on Friday’s, but today was especially slow and not just to you, but to everyone. Tonight was the Halloween Dance, and everyone’s anticipation and constant staring at the clock only seemed to make time move slower.

As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, your classroom erupted with a chorus of relieved voices. Students rushed to their lockers, grabbing their bags and shoving any and all books into them with eager anticipation of the evening ahead. But as you made your way through the crowded hallway, a sinking feeling settled in your stomach. The excitement buzzing around you only served as a stark reminder of your own lack of enthusiasm for the dance. Parties and gatherings were not your thing, anyone that knew you, knew this. Yet, for some reason you had a costume picked out and waiting for you at home. Your friends made plans to meet up after school to get ready together, however you were left out of these plans and weren’t told until today. Your friends knew you had to tell your parents at least a day ahead before asking to go out. It felt like they didn’t want you to join them. After saying bye to your friends, you took the bus home. Your parents weren’t able to pick you up today, and luckily they taught you how to get home using public transportation in case this happened.

You got home shortly after, trudging up the stairs to your room. Slipping into your angel costume, you couldn't help but feel a sense of detachment from the festivities. Glittering wings adorned your back, and a halo perched lightly on your head, you looked at yourself in the mirror. You didn't recognize the person staring back at you. You felt like you were wearing a disguise, hiding behind the façade of an angel, when you felt anything but angelic. The heaviness in your chest and the weight of loneliness settled upon you, casting a deeper shadow over your already lack of excitement. You wondered if this was really worth it, the discomfort of pretending to enjoy a party you had no interest in attending. You were going because your friends were, and they said you had to be there. With a sigh, you decided to make the best of the situation. Maybe tonight would surprise you, and you'd find some hidden enjoyment somewhere in the midst of your stagnant melancholy.

The evening air was cool as you stepped out of your house and made your way towards the house your friends agreed to meet up at. The moon hung low in the sky, casting an eerie glow on the deserted streets. Halloween decorations still adorned houses, their flickering lights and grinning jack-o'-lanterns showing more of an expression than you were. It was a stark contrast to the emptiness of the night, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding.

You arrived at your friends' house, the designated meeting spot for the evening. As you walked up to the front door, you could hear the faint sound of laughter and music echoing through the walls. Taking a deep breath, you knocked once and pushed open the door. The living room was transformed into a makeshift dressing room, with clothes and makeup strewn about all over the room. Your friends were gathered around a full-length mirror, each one meticulously perfecting their costumes. They didn't seem to notice your arrival at first, too engrossed in their own reflections. You stood there awkwardly, feeling like an outsider in your own group. It was moments like these when you questioned your friendship with them. Their shared enthusiasm and excitement for the dance seemed foreign to you, and you couldn't help but wonder if it was your fault for not fully embracing their interests or if they were to blame for excluding you from their plans. None of them made the effort to acknowledge your presence. The realization hit you like a punch to the gut; they didn't really care if you were there or not. You were just an afterthought, someone they had to invite out of obligation.

“(y/n)! You’re here! When did you come in?” One of them asked, still not looking directly at you, snapping you out of your thoughts and shooting them a forced smile.

“I just got here,” you said quietly and looked down.

That wasn't true, you had to have been standing there for at least five minutes. But you didn't want to make a big deal out of it. You didn't want to draw attention to your own insecurities and feelings of exclusion. So, you brushed it off and joined them in front of the mirror. As you joined your friends in front of the mirror, they finally turned their attention towards you, their eyes widening in surprise as they took in your angelic appearance. A mixture of awe and excitement filled their faces, momentarily putting your doubts at bay. They complimented your costume and eagerly asked how you managed to look so ethereal. It felt good to be noticed, even if it was just for your outfit. Part of you felt like they were only being half-hearted in their words, but a compliment was a compliment and it made you feel good nonetheless.

As the group finished getting ready, you all made your way to the school. You walked slightly behind the group and just listened to their chatter like you always did. They talked about how they couldn’t wait to slow dance with their dates and potentially kiss them. Your group arrived at the school after a short walk and the moment you stepped through the doors, the atmosphere consumed you. The gymnasium had been transformed into a haunted castle and it looked better than you thought it would. The dim lighting and haunting decorations created an eerie but magical ambiance. The chattering of students and the thumping bass of the music reverberated through the air. You scanned the crowd, searching for familiar faces amidst the sea of costumes.

Your friends quickly dispersed, finding their dates or joining other groups. Left standing alone, you hesitated, unsure of where to go or what to do. So you took a seat on the bleachers, just sitting and observing the scene in front of you. You sat there for a majority of the evening, only getting up occasionally to get something to drink or accompany one of your friends to the bathroom. Since it was a school dance, there were sixth, seventh and eighth graders there. It was easy to tell who was who. The eighth graders tried to carry an air of maturity and do things they thought would make them look cool in front of the underclassmen. The seventh graders mostly kept to themselves, trying not to be awkward, yet they still looked more comfortable than you did here. And then there were the sixth graders. They were all buzzing with excitement, making a dramatic spectacle of every song that played, every “couple” that came together. They were still divided, with girls in one corner and boys in another, despite most of them having dates. Right then, the melodic tunes of a slow romantic song washed over the gymnasium, beckoning couples to take each other's hands and attempt to sway in harmony. It was then that you noticed Beomgyu standing across the room, his eyes locked on his date. She was absolutely stunning in her costume, and you watched as he took her hands awkwardly and they started to slow dance. You felt a pang of envy wash over you, but you weren’t sure what you wanted. Did you want someone to dance with you like that? Did you wish you were as pretty as she was? Did you want to just go home? Did you want Beomgyu to- You tore your gaze away from them, a feeling of loneliness settled deep within you once more. But just as you were about to descend further into your isolation and self-doubt, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Surprised, you turned your head to find Taehyun, one of Beomgyu’s friends, and one of the cutest boys in the sixth grade, standing in front of you with a shy smile on his face.

"Hey," he said softly. "Would you like to dance?"

You looked up at him, and saw that he was wearing a pair of devil horns on his head, his big warm eyes looking at you with genuine kindness.

“M-me?” You stammered, taken aback by his unexpected invitation.

Taehyun nodded, his smile widening as he held out his hand for you to take. A mix of surprise and anticipation swelled within you, and you hesitated for a moment before placing your trembling hand in his.

"Yeah," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. "I'd like to dance."

As Taehyun led you towards the dance floor, a rush of nervous excitement coursed through your veins. You could feel the eyes of the other students on you, curious and intrigued by the two of you together. One of your friends drew your attention and she shot you a “you go girl” look, which caused you to blush and turn your attention back to Taehyun.

"I'm surprised you came here alone," Taehyun said and gently placed his hands at your waist.

He was a natural.

"What do you mean?" you asked shyly and put your hands on his shoulders, keeping your gaze glued to the floor.

"Well, I've been watching you sit here all night, and it just didn't seem right for someone as pretty as you to be alone," he replied confidently and started to sway the two of you to the music.

His words caught you off guard and you blushed at the compliment. His words were simple, but they seemed to hold a sincerity that made you feel seen and appreciated.

“Did you come here alone?” you asked him, finally looking up to meet his eyes.

“I did,” he said and laughed, his hands were holding you as gently as he could.

You were visibly surprised at his response, Taehyun was popular, smart and extremely cute. You thought he’d get asked a number of times, or at least ask someone, who would no doubt say yes.

You heard him laugh again, “Is that really that surprising?”

You nodded.

“I should've asked you.”

“Well if you did, I would have said yes.”

“Our costumes even go together, it was meant to be,” he jokes and you giggled as he attempted to twirl you.

The song came to an end and you thanked him for the dance, quickly being pulled away by your friends for the first time that evening. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Taehyun retreat back to his friends and one of them kept their eyes on you.

Beomgyu.

January 3rd, 2015

You were late today. I heard Kai and Taehyun talking about whether or not you’d show up. I kept looking at your locker, as if you’d just magically appear. This was a small thing that I looked forward to each day. Our little interactions at our lockers. It’s usually a small smile or a soft “good morning” but I really looked forward to it. It hasn’t really been happening since you’ve been hanging out with her more though.

January 3rd, 2015

I heard them. They were talking about you. The girl you like I mean, she and her friends were talking about you. Usually, one would be happy by this. Even outsiders would be thrilled witnessing love. However, this wasn’t very thrilling. She was making fun of you and your feelings. She knew you’d fall at her feet and wanted to play with you for fun. She has been playing with you for fun since we started middle school. For some reason that tugged at my heart.

January 3rd, 2015

You did end up coming today, but you didn't look anyone in the eye. Not even your friends. I saw you though, at your locker. Your eyes were red and they looked empty, like someone pulled the rug from right under you and there was no sparkle.

You couldn't help but feel a pang of worry as you watched him from across the hallway. Curiosity drew you closer, your footsteps light and cautious. You didn't want to intrude on his solitude, but you also couldn't bear to see him suffer in silence either. With hesitant steps, you approached his locker, unsure of what to say or do.

“Beomgyu?” you called out to him softly.

He turned to face you, but still didn’t meet your gaze, though you knew he was listening.

“Here,” you said and gently placed something in his hands.

It was a bag of gummy bears.

You watched the way his eyes widened slightly and he looked up for what was probably the first time today.

“I didn’t realize that I bought two, and I know these have been your favorite since we were kids, so I’d like you to have them.”

His fingers gently gripped the bag in his hands and his eyes squeezed shut. When he opened them and looked at you again, you saw the sparkle. It wasn’t as bright as it usually was, but it was there, slowly flickering back to life.

“You remember that?” he asked, the surprise clear in his voice.

“I do,” you confirmed.

“Why are you nervous right now?” he questioned, his voice as soft as ever.

“H-how do you know that I’m nervous?” you stammered, tugging slightly at a strand of your hair.

“You’re doing that thing with your hair. You’ve done that since we were kids.”

It was now your turn to be surprised.

You giggled softly, slightly embarrassed with a mix of relief and amusement bubbling up inside you.

"I guess some things never change, huh?" you replied, tucking the strand of hair behind your ear.

It was true, whenever you felt nervous or uncertain, you had a habit of fiddling with your hair. Beomgyu's lips twitched into a small smile, faint but genuine. The tension that had been shrouding him seemed to dissipate ever so slightly.

"Yeah," he murmured, his voice still tinged with sadness.

"Some things stay the same," he said and looked down again, this time fiddling with the bag of gummy bears.

He tore it open and held it out to you. A smile spread across your face, warmed by the small gesture. You reached out and took a gummy bear from the bag, popping it into your mouth. The two of you stood there in silence, chewing on the gummies and just looking at each other with shining eyes.

It was a simple moment, but it held a weight that words couldn't capture for both of you. At this time, Taehyun rounded the corner, a very familiar little black book in his hands and a small smirk adorned on his face. But when he saw the two of you, his smirk turned into a wide smile and he let you be.

He’ll give Beomgyu his book back some other time.

September 8th, 2015

Today is the last day of summer vacation. I’d be starting high school tomorrow, and I was really looking forward to how the changes over the summer would transfer into the school year. A lot changed. Like a lot. Mostly good changes. I think I have real, genuine, friends now. But I’m afraid that my old group of “friends” will try to torment me throughout our high school years. I realized a lot of things about myself over the summer too. I can feel my face getting hot recalling them as I’m writing this.

A lot had happened over the summer. A lot had changed. Your supposed friends had decided you would only bring them down, and despite them wanting a dramatic parting of your years of friendship, it ended quietly and expectedly. You weren’t hurt, and that seemed to bother them. You hung out with Taehyun a lot over the summer, Kai joining you two often. You found that you shared a lot in common with them, it was easy to get along with them and you never had to force yourself to go along with their plans. You learned that’s what friendship should feel like.

Beomgyu would sometimes join you, his presence a comforting and familiar one. He seemed to carry a weight on his shoulders and you couldn't help but feel a sense of empathy towards him, especially after knowing that he had fallen for someone who didn't appreciate him. It was also strange how the two of you always seemed to show up around each other at just the right time, as if drawn together by some unseen force.

There was an instance where some random guy had been following you around on one of your evening walks and Beomgyu showed up then, catching on to the situation, pretending as if he’d been waiting for you. There was another time when you felt like having ice cream and when you went out to get some, you found Beomgyu walking out of the convenience store holding one of those ice creams with two sticks that you could split in half. He gave you the other half and joined you on your evening walk that night. You tried to brush them off as mere coincidences, but deep down, you knew there was something more at play.

After the “gummy bear incident”, as you like to refer to it as, there has been a subtle shift in your dynamic. Your interactions were never lacking in chemistry or politeness before, even with both of you being naturally shy individuals. But now, whenever the two of you found yourselves alone, neither of you could barely get a word out without stumbling over your words. Eye contact was practically non-existent between the two of you now, the air thick with unspoken tension and unfulfilled desires. The summer had brought you closer, yet somehow he still felt far away. And although you were hesitant to admit it out loud, your feelings for him had grown stronger with each passing day.

You liked him.

You’ve always liked Choi Beomgyu.

September 9th, 2015

Today was the first day of high school. You and I are attending the same school again. You look really different now. Even though I saw it gradually happen over the summer, I’m pretty sure I spent most of today just looking at you. How tall you got, how deep your voice is now. Taehyun said you had a crush on someone, and it's good that you feel okay enough to feel like that about somone again I guess. I also met two new boys today, and we got along well. I'm looking forward to getting to know them.

As you entered the bustling hallways, sleek and gleaming under the bright fluorescent lights, you couldn't help but get lost in the sea of faces. There were whispers of excitement and trepidation that filled the air. Today was the first day of high school, a milestone that held both promise and uncertainty. You could feel the nervous energy radiating off the other freshmen as they hurried to find their lockers and compare schedules with friends that joined them from middle school. Taking a deep breath, you tried to steady your own racing heart, reminding yourself that everyone else most likely felt the same way you were feeling.

As you navigated through the maze of lockers, you caught snippets of conversations. Excited chatter about summer adventures, worries about making new friends, and anxious whispers about the infamous teachers they were told to look out for. You saw a few familiar faces, including your former friends. Before any sort of interaction could happen between you, someone's frantic waving caught your attention. You sighed in relief seeing that it was Taehyun, and he was frantically waving at you to call you over.

Grateful for the familiar, friendly face, you quickened your pace and made your way towards Taehyun. He was leaning against a row of lockers, his hair falling into his eyes as he scanned the crowd. As soon as he saw you approach, a wide grin spread across his face.

"Hey, you're finally here!" Taehyun exclaimed, his voice filled with genuine relief.

"Yeah," you replied with a nervous laugh.

"Just trying to figure out where everything is."

Taehyun chuckled, brushing his hair back with a casual flick of his hand.

"Don't worry, I've got it all figured out," he boasted playfully.

"I'm sure you do," you laughed and looked around.

"Where's Kai?"

"He's at his locker, did you find where yours is yet?" Taehyun asked, leaning closer to look at the schedule in your hands.

"No, I haven't. Want to help me find it since you got it "all figured out"?"

Taehyun grinned and nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets as he fell into stride beside you. Together, you weaved through the bustling crowd of students, scanning the numbers on lockers until you finally found the one that matched the number on your schedule. With a sigh of relief, you spun the combination lock and swung open the metal door.

As you began to organize your books and supplies, Taehyun leaned against the locker next to yours, observing you with a twinkle in his eyes.

"So," he began, "nervous about any particular classes?"

"Not really."

"Are you going to join any clubs or teams here?" he asked, though you could tell his attention was now somewhere else.

You were going to look up and jokingly ask why he wasn’t paying you any attention, but instead your heart started to beat really fast. Across the hall was Beomgyu, standing at his locker and you're only now noticing that Taehyun left your side to approach him. You watched as Taehyun sauntered over to Beomgyu with a mischievous glint in his eye. The two of them exchanged a few words, their conversation drowned out by the surrounding chatter. Beomgyu looked surprised at first but then broke into a shy smile, nodding in agreement to whatever Taehyun had asked him. The sight of both of them approaching you snapped you out of your daze and you quickly went back to organizing your things.

“Hey,” Beomgyu greeted you softly.

“Hi,” you slightly blushed, voice just as soft.

Watching this, Taehyun couldn't help but snicker because of what he knew. Taehyun stepped closer, now joining you and Beomgyu, his chuckles escaping his lips. You glanced at him with a raised eyebrow, curiosity tugging at your thoughts.

"What's so funny?" you questioned, tilting your head to the side.

"Oh, nothing," Taehyun replied coyly, a mischievous glimmer still lingering in his eyes.

"Just enjoying the sight in front of me."

Your cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink as you exchanged a look with Beomgyu.

"What are you going on about?" you asked cautiously, trying to hide your flustered state.

Taehyun chuckled again, nudging Beomgyu playfully.

"Well, it just so happens that Beomgyu here has a little crush on someone," he teased, winking at Beomgyu.

Beomgyu's face turned several shades of red, and he shot Taehyun a playful glare. Your eyes widened slightly at Taehyun's words and you casted your eyes down to the floor, the only thing on your mind now was a simple question:

Again?

With a shy smile, Beomgyu glanced at you before turning his attention back to Taehyun.

"Hey, don't go spreading rumors," he mumbled, trying to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks.

Taehyun chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Who said anything about rumors? I'm just stating the truth." He grinned mischievously, clearly enjoying the reaction he was getting from both of you.

Taehyun looked at you and smirked.

"You see, he's got this little black notebook and-" he was cut off by Beomgyu practically pouncing on him and covering his mouth shut.

You couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Beomgyu trying to silence Taehyun. It was clear that there was more to this story than Taehyun was able to say. You glanced between the two of them, biting your lip to supress your laugh.

"What's in the black notebook, Beomgyu?" you finally asked, a genuine glimmer of curiosity in your eyes.

Beomgyu's face turned an even deeper shade of red as he released his hold on Taehyun, who immediately took the opportunity to tease him further.

"Oh, just a little collection of poems and doodles," Taehyun said with a smirk.

"They aren't poems," Beomgyu mumbled, looking down now.

"They're just silly scribbles," Beomgyu continued, his voice barely above a whisper.

His embarrassment was palpable, and there was a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. With a gentle smile, and a small burst of confidence, you took a step closer to him and reached out to touch his arm.

"I have a little black notebook too," you said, hoping to lessen any embarrassment he was feeling.

Beomgyu's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at you, his blush fading slightly.

"Really?" he asked, his voice filled with both excitement and curiosity.

You nodded, your own embarrassment now surfacing.

"Yeah," you replied softly.

"Yeah, and it's my diary that's practically filled with love letters I can't send to you," you thought to yourself.

Before any more words could be exchanged, Kai approached you guys with a loud "hey" and the four of you started to compare schedules. You looked to Beomgyu one more time, finding that he was already looking at you, and you both looked away blushing yet again. Taehyun only shook his head in amusement and continued to point out the classes you all shared together.

The rest of the day went by quickly, and as the final bell signaling the end of the school day rang, you found yourself walking alongside Beomgyu towards the exit. The air was filled with a comfortable silence, a warmth settling between you two.

"I can't believe Taehyun spilled the beans like that," Beomgyu muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

You giggled softly, feeling a surge of contentment wash over you.

"Well, at least now I know I'm not the only one with secrets."

You two found Taehyun and Kai outside by the school's entrance, along with two other boys you've never seen before. As you approached the group, you squinted your eyes, trying to get a better look as if that would help you recognize them. One of them, with his tall stature and warm smile, extended a hand towards you in greeting.

"Hi there," he said, his voice friendly and inviting.

"I'm Soobin. It's nice to meet you."

You shook his hand, returning his smile with one of your own.

"Nice to meet you too, Soobin. I'm (Y/N)."

The other boy, on the other hand, had an air of confidence about him. His dark hair was styled effortlessly and his gaze, though piercing, was still inviting and held a hint of mischief.

"Hey, (Y/N). I'm Yeonjun, nice to meet you." he introduced, giving you a charming smile.

You nodded in acknowledgement, feeling the spark of curiosity ignite within you. There was something magnetic about these two new faces, something that made you want to know them better. After the small introduction, you waved your friends goodbye and made your way home, looking forward to the next day and the rest of your years at this school.

February 14th, 2017

Today was Valentine’s Day. I wanted to mark this as a milestone. Although it’s not the first Valentine’s Day after I acknowledged my feelings for you, it’s the first one where I acknowledged them and have money of my own to buy you a present. Did I do that? Of course not. But something else happened, something better. I think you’d agree. I also think we were set up, which reminds me that I have to thank Taehyun and Yeonjun tomorrow.

February 14th, Valentine’s Day. You never really understood the point of the holiday. Never understanding why a day needed to be dedicated to love. You thought love should be expressed everyday, through big or small gestures. In elementary school, it seemed like another excuse to be able to eat candy and chocolate, which you didn’t mind at all. In middle school, people started to use the day as an opportunity to confess, that way if rejected they could play it off as an obligatory present. In high school, it seemed more serious. People planned to confess with the intentions of a relationship, not like in middle school where you would confess just to get it over with. As you walked down the halls of your high school, you took notice of the flurry of red and pink decorations adorning lockers, walls, and even the ceiling. Couples exchanged heartfelt gifts and whispered sweet nothings to each other, while others eagerly awaited their own moment to confess their feelings. Shaking your head, you made your way to your locker, finding Beomgyu at his.

"Beomgyu, good morning," you called out to him, your voice small and cheeks getting warm from the sight of him.

He turned slightly and gave you a sweet smile in acknowledgement.

"Good morning," Beomgyu replied, his eyes sparkling with warmth. He closed his locker and leaned against it as he looked at you.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

You couldn't help but blush deeper at his words, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness bubbling inside you.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you too," you replied, mustering up all the courage you had.

Beomgyu chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners in a way that made your heart flutter.

"Do you have any plans for today?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.

The tilt of his head caused his hair to fall into his eyes, and without thinking, you reached out and brushed his hair out of his face. Beomgyu's eyes widened slightly at your touch, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. He seemed momentarily taken aback before a smile slowly graced his lips.

"Thanks," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

The way he looked at you, with such gentle adoration, made your heart skip a beat.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that. I wasn't thinking," you stammered, your face burning with embarrassment.

Beomgyu shook his head, still smiling softly.

"Don't apologize," he said, his voice gentle and reassuring.

"I liked it."

Your face flushed even deeper at his words, but a shy smile tugged at the corners of your lips. As the two of you stood there, caught in a moment of unspoken connection, the sound of laughter and chatter echoed down the hallway. You both turned to see Taehyun and Yeonjun approaching, their faces bright. Taehyun had a mischievous grin playing on his lips, while Yeonjun had a glint of excitement in his eyes.

"Hey, lovebirds!" Taehyun called out with a teasing grin.

"Did we interrupt something?"

You felt your face grow even hotter, embarrassed by the attention, but Beomgyu's presence beside you gave you a sense of comfort.

Yeonjun nudged Taehyun playfully.

"Leave them alone, Tae. Can't you see they're having a moment?"

Beomgyu chuckled softly, shaking his head.

"It's fine, guys. We were just talking."

You immediately nodded in agreement.

“Right, can’t two friends just talk?”

You can tell that neither of them were convinced, but they decided to drop the teasing and turn their attention to their own plans for the day. Apparently all six of us were going to hang out after school, since none of us have a Valentine. Soobin, being as boyfriend coded as he is, thought it would be hilarious to plan something sickeningly sweet for us all to do after school. Taehyun, Yeonjun, and Kai were all on board with the idea, finding it both humorous and enjoyable. They offered to handle the arrangements.

After that, the rest of the day seemed to stretch on endlessly. You witnessed numerous confessions, with some leading to a positive outcome and others resulting in unnecessarily harsh rejection. By your lunch period, you saw your friends walk into the cafeteria holding multiple boxes of chocolates. You weren't surprised in the slightest, they were all incredibly charming and attractive.

As you and Kai walked to your next class after lunch, he explained that both he and Taehyun couldn't make it to the group's afternoon plans. When you asked for a reason, all he said was "something came up". You didn't press any further, even though you were confused, but you figured that Kai had his own reasons for keeping things vague.

When the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, you found yourself walking alongside Beomgyu towards the designated meeting spot. The meeting spot was a quaint little café tucked away in a quiet corner of town. The air was filled with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, and soft jazz music played in the background, creating a cozy ambiance. You looked around for any sight of Yeonjun or Soobin, and saw Beomgyu doing the same. But to your surprise, neither Yeonjun nor Soobin were there. You exchanged a confused glance with Beomgyu, wondering where they could be.

"I thought they would be here already," Beomgyu said, furrowing his brows.

"Maybe they got caught up with something."

"They'll probably show up soon. Let's just grab a table and wait for them."

Beomgyu smiled at you gratefully, the corners of his lips lifting up. Your heart started to race at the sight, and you couldn't help but return the smile, feeling a warm sense of comfort settle in your chest. You found a small table near the window, and Beomgyu pulled out a chair for you, his gestures filled with a gentle tenderness. As you settled into your seats, the anticipation of the afternoon plans mixed with a hint of uncertainty lingered in the air. You glanced at Beomgyu, who was lost in his own thoughts, a faint furrow still etched on his forehead. He pulled out his little black notebook and started to scribble. A soft smile played on your lips as you watched him, and you recalled that he was writing in the book earlier today too.

Curiosity getting the best of you, you leaned in a bit closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what Beomgyu was writing. However, as if sensing your prying eyes, he quickly closed the notebook and looked up at you with a grin.

"Oh, so you're interested in my little secrets now?" he teased, playfully raising an eyebrow.

You blushed and shook your head, feeling a mix of embarrassment and intrigue.

"I was just curious. You wrote in that book a lot today."

Beomgyu's smile softened, and he slid the notebook back into his backpack. Before he could respond, the sound of an incoming text notification went off and you picked up your phone.

"it's from Yeonjun," you announced, reading the message quietly to yourself.

You frowned slightly, disappointed that Yeonjun wouldn't be joining you. But the text message left you with more questions than answers. What could be so urgent that he couldn't even explain? And why did he add that playful winking emoji at the end?

Beomgyu, who had been waiting for your response, leaned in to catch a glimpse of the message. His brows furrowed, mirroring your own confusion.

"That's strange," he murmured.

"Yeonjun usually doesn't leave things so vague."

Then, another notification came in, Beomgyu picking up his phone this time.

"It's Soobin," Beomgyu read, his eyes narrowing as he read the message. He let out a soft chuckle and shook his head.

"What is it?" you asked, leaning closer to see the message on his phone.

You exchanged a bewildered look with Beomgyu, the pieces of the puzzle not quite fitting together. It was too much of a coincidence that at this point, you didn't believe that any of this was a coincidence. You were starting to feel like you and Beomgyu were being set up. The sound of another text coming in on Beomgyu's phone brought you back to the present. Beomgyu glanced at his phone and his eyes widened in surprise, a faint pink now dusting his cheeks. Sitting up a little straighter, he cleared his throat and looked at you.

"Should we just go home...?"

His voice trailed off as if he didn't want to ask the question.

“I-I mean, we’re already here. But they never exactly said what we’d be doing so..” you stammered over your words, not expecting him to ask that.

Did he want to leave?

Beomgyu sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as if he was trying to make himself smaller out of nervousness.

"Are you okay with it being just the two of us?" he asked, his voice tinged with a mix of nervousness and hope.

"I think we can still have a great time together," he added, mustering a small smile.

Your heart started beating faster at his words, the warmth in his eyes reflecting the genuine desire for your company. You found yourself nodding, unable to form words as you simply smiled at him. Beomgyu's face brightened at your response, a genuine grin spreading across his features. He stood up from his seat and you followed, both of you walking out of the cafe.

“Is there anywhere specific you want to go?”

He asked as he checked his phone.

“I’m okay with anything really. Just walking around like this is nice too.”

He gave a slight nod and put his phone in his pocket, “how about an arcade? There’s one nearby.”

Your eyes lit up and you nodded, “I love arcades. I haven’t been to one in a long time.”

Beomgyu smiled, looking at you, “was the last time when we went to one in fifth grade? For that school trip?”

“Yeah, it was then. I think I spent all the money I got on the claw machines,” you said with a small laugh as you recalled the trip.

“The claw machines are probably my favorite.”

“You know…” Beomgyu started, “I’m known as the king of claws,” he said with as playful smirk.

“Is that so? I’ll have to see it to believe it,” you replied giggling.

You arrived at the arcade shortly after and he did prove it. His first try, he won a small teddy bear. You watched as he kneeled down to retrieve his prize, then stood up and handed it to you.

“Believe me now?” He asked with a grin, running a hand through his hair.

You gently took the teddy bear and hugged it to your chest.

“I think you got lucky,” you teased, even though you did believe him.

He raised an eyebrow as if to say “oh yeah?” and tried a different one. This time he won a prize in two tries, retrieving it and turning around with his arms crossed. You bit back a laugh and clutched the teddy bear in your hands a little tighter.

“Okay, I digress. You’re the king of claws,” you admitted to fuel his already growing ego, and just to see him feel good about himself.

He grinned, satisfied with your words and then brushed the imaginary dust off his shoulders.

“I was only teasing you know, I believed you from the start,” you said softly, adjusting your backpack on your back.

“I know, I was playing along and trying to impress you,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling shy.

You blushed at his confession, feeling a warmth spreading through your chest. Beomgyu's vulnerability and effort to impress you made your heart flutter. You reached out and gently nudged his arm with your elbow.

"Well, you succeeded," you said, your voice filled with sincerity.

Beomgyu's cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink, and he couldn't hide the bashful smile that tugged at his lips.

You kept wandering through the arcade, trying out different games and amassing more tickets. Rather than exchanging them for prizes, you opted to give them to a group of young children also enjoying the arcade. You didn't want to carry all your winnings and your backpacks, it would have been too exhausting. It was also nice to see the way their eyes lit up when you gave them the tickets. You made sure to hold onto the teddy bear Beomgyu won for you when you first got there though.

As the afternoon turned into evening, you and Beomgyu decided to leave the arcade. The two of you walked side by side on the bustling streets, occasionally bumping into each other playfully. There was a comfortable silence between you, no need for constant conversation. It was enough just to be in each other's presence. Beomgyu checked his phone and suggested finding someplace to have dinner. You nodded in agreement, your stomach rumbling in anticipation. Together, you searched for a nearby restaurant, eager to continue the enjoyable day you were having.

As luck would have it, you stumbled upon a cozy little diner with the inviting aroma of comfort food wafting through the air. You entered the diner and were immediately greeted by the friendly chatter of other diners and the clinking of cutlery against plates. Beomgyu led the way to a booth near the window, and you slid in across from him. After scanning the menu, you glanced at the teddy bear that you put to sit neatly on the table.

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like a teddy bear?" you asked him suddenly.

He chuckled softly, reaching across the table to playfully poke the teddy bear's nose.

"Well no, no one has ever compared me to a teddy bear before," he replied, his voice tinged with amusement.

"But I guess I can see why you'd say that. Is it because of my fluffy hair?"

"Your hair is part of it," you started to say, but stopped and wondered if you should continue.

You thought for a moment, considering whether to share your feelings with Beomgyu. Not confess to him, you weren't ready for that. You looked into Beomgyu's eyes and found comfort and reassurance staring back at you. Encouraged by his presence, you decided to open up.

"Actually, it's not just your hair," you confessed, your voice filled with a mix of nervousness and sincerity.

"It's more about how being around you makes me feel. You have this warmth and kindness that reminds me of a teddy bear. Whenever I'm with you, it's like being wrapped in a comforting embrace."

Beomgyu leaned back against the booth and looked at you, his eyes filled with warmth and affection. A soft smile graced his lips as he took in your words, and you could see the genuine joy sparkling in his eyes.

"Thank you," he said, his voice soft.

"That's honestly one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me."

"You know," he continued, his smile growing wider, "I feel the same way about you. Whenever I'm with you, it feels like all the worries and troubles disappear, and I'm just surrounded by this incredible sense of happiness and comfort."

"I wonder if it would've been like this still, if we decided to ignore those stupid boys when we were six," he mused aloud, a sense of nostalgia now surrounding your booth.

You chuckled softly, reminiscing on the memory of the day you first met and the day after.

"I'm surprised you remember that. I only left you alone so they would stop calling you those mean names," you said, fondness in your voice.

"I didn't like seeing you so disheartened and I thought that was the best thing to do," you explained, a hint of sheepishness coloring your cheeks.

"You were really considerate for being six years old," he replied, a wistful smile playing on his lips.

The waitress approached your table, interrupting your conversation as she took your orders. As you waited for your food to arrive, you found yourselves lost in each other's company, talking about everything and nothing at all. When your food arrived and you dug into your meals, savoring the taste and coninuing to enjoy each other's presence. The diner was filled with a comforting ambiance, the soft buzz of conversation and the clinking of cutlery providing a soothing soundtrack to your moment together.

You excused yourself to the restroom and came back to find that Beomgyu already paid for both of you. He stood up upon your return and you left the diner.

The night air was cool against your skin as you continued your stroll down the streets. The city lights illuminated the path ahead, casting a warm glow over everything. You looked up at Beomgyu and found him checking his phone again.

"Is everything okay?" you asked, noticing the slight furrow of his brows as he scrolled through his phone.

"Yeah, it's nothing," Beomgyu replied, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"Do you still go on those evening walks?" he asked in a clear attempt to change the subject.

You smiled at the question, recalling the habit you had developed long ago.

"Yes, I do," you replied.

"I find them quite calming, especially after a busy day. It's a chance to clear my mind and appreciate the beauty of the world around me."

"Then, would you like to take a walk now? Before we go home?" he asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

You nodded, feeling a surge of excitement coursing through you. You didn't want whatever this was to end just yet, and his question allowed you to believe that he didn't either. You walked side by side, not really following a specific path. As you strolled through the city streets, the sound of your footsteps harmonized with the rhythm of your conversation, a sense of serenity enveloping you both. The bustling chaos of the city seemed to fade into the background as you wandered aimlessly, and soon the two of you found yourselves in a small park.

The park was mostly empty, save for a few older couples scattered on benches. You noticed a beautiful gazebo standing gracefully in the distance. You immediately walked towards the gazebo, Beomgyu following closely behind. The moonlight filtered through the intricate ironwork of the structure, casting delicate shadows on the ground below and you stood there for a while, Beomgyu right by your side, taking in the scene before you and looking up at the moon. The night was getting darker, and both of you had to wake up early for school the following day.

"Should we get going now?" you asked, glancing at Beomgyu.

"Yeah, we probably should," he replied softly.

As you started to leave the park, Beomgyu kindly offered to walk you home. You accepted with a grateful nod and a gentle smile, walking in the direction of your house together.

You watched as he checked his phone once again, his eyes widening and he shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief of what he read.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" you asked, concern lacing your voice.

"Y-yeah, everything is good," he said, his voice tinged with nervousness. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

"If you say so, it's just- you've been checking your phone since we left the cafe," you pointed out.

"I promise, it's nothing to worry about. I was just checking something," he assured, and you believed him for now.

Little did you know, he'd been checking a list Soobin had sent him of all the things they were supposed to do after school, though he thinks they altered it. He knows for sure they altered it. Still, he made sure to do all of them (he didn’t feed you though, he’d blush too much trying to).

Except for the fourth thing, it wasn't time yet.

March 13th, 2017

Today’s your birthday, your 16th birthday to be more specific. I was the first of our friends to turn 16, then Taehyun, and I think Yeonjun made turning 16 a bigger deal than it is. Though, it was nice to see you excited for your birthday. I hope your excitement is still as big today. I debated a lot on what to get you, or if I should even get you something at all. In the end I did, the beaded bracelet on my wrist that you got me for my birthday, gave me an idea. I really hope you like it. If I had the courage, this is how I would give it to you: I imagine going on a walk with you. Planned this time. Either under the moonlight or early in the morning. Taking in the fresh, crisp air and getting a chance to breathe. I’d listen attentively and answer all your questions wholeheartedly, and ask you some of my own. You’d surprise me by bringing up something I thought was too minuscule to remember and then you’d probably let out that precious giggle, followed by that pretty smile. It would quickly be replaced by your own surprise because I would bring something up about you too, and let out a small giggle of my own. It would feel like we were away from the real world for a while, surrounded by warmth and magic- cause that’s what you’re made of in my eyes. Then we’d stop somewhere, maybe by the Han River or the park we went to on Valentine’s Day and that’s where I’d give you my present. However, I wouldn’t be able to do this, so I’ll have to settle for lamely giving it to you when I see you in school.

Today was the warmest day of the week, and your nervousness was making you feel even warmer. The bracelets on your arm jingled and clinked as you nervously fiddled with them, the sound catching the attention of your friends. Yeonjun and Kai noticed your anxiousness and playfully teased you for it as you walked through the school hallway. Their laughter only fueled your nerves, and you blushed, desperately trying to hide your embarrassment.

"Come on, it's just a birthday present," Kai said with a grin.

"Yeah, don't be so nervous," Yeonjun added, nudging you playfully.

"I'm sure he'll love it."

You managed a weak smile, grateful for their support. Deep down though, you couldn't help but doubt yourself. What if he didn't like the present? What if it wasn't good enough? Your mind swirled with insecurities as you made your way to your first class, not even bothering to stop at your locker. Beomgyu would probably be there, across the hall at his, and you wouldn't be able to give him the present, let alone see or talk to him right now.

March 13th, 2017

It’s already lunch time and I still haven’t been able to give it to you. I also think you’ve caught onto the fact that I’m avoiding you. The guys were teasing me earlier but Taehyun realized just how nervous I actually am and has been staying by my side. After Valentine’s Day, it felt like we were both holding something back. I knew I was, but what could you be keeping from me? Do you like me too? That’s probably impossible. Did you pick up on the fact that I like you, and you don’t know how to tell me that you just want to be friends? I’m overthinking again…

Taehyun nudged you gently to get your attention. You looked up from fervently writing and saw his eyes filled with concern.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly.

You sighed, closing the little black notebook.

"I don't know, Taehyun. I've been avoiding Beomgyu all day, and I can tell he's noticed. But I just... I can't bring myself to give him the present."

Taehyun tilted his head, his expression thoughtful.

"Why not?"

You looked at Taehyun, uncertainty clouding your eyes.

"I guess I'm just scared," you admitted reluctantly.

"What if he doesn't like it? What if it's not good enough?"

Taehyun's gaze softened, understanding flickering in his eyes. He placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

"Listen, I get it. It's natural to be nervous about this kind of thing. But Beomgyu is not the kind of person who would judge what kind of present he gets. And take it from me, he'd be over the moon to get anything as long as it's from you."

You took a deep breath, trying to absorb Taehyun's words of encouragement. He was right, you knew Beomgyu well enough by now to know that he wouldn't judge your gift. Still, the anxiety gnawed at you like a persistent itch.

"Thank you, Taehyun," you whispered, appreciating his unwavering support.

"I needed to hear that."

He squeezed your shoulder gently before releasing it and giving you an encouraging smile.

"Anytime. Now go find him and give him that present. I'm sure he's waiting for it."

March 13th, 2017

Despite what Taehyun said, I still didn’t do it. It's eighth period, and the bell signaling the end of the school day will ring in a few minutes. I know I’ll see you before going home, cause I have to go to my locker. I don’t need all these books. Maybe I can prolong going to my locker for as long as possible. Just until you, along with everyone else in the school leaves.

As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, you found yourself lingering in the classroom, pretending to organize your books. Each passing minute felt like an eternity, and you couldn't shake off the knot of nervousness that had settled in your stomach. The classroom slowly emptied out, leaving you alone with your racing thoughts.

Ten minutes passed, and you peeked out of the classroom to find the halls nearly empty. This was your chance to pack up your books and head home, without the worry of bumping into anyone, especially Beomgyu. As you turned the corner, you spotted Beomgyu leaning against the lockers, his eyes casted down to the floor. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of anxiousness and fear.

And a little bit of guilt.

What was he still doing here?

Beomgyu looked up as the sound of footsteps echoed through the empty hallway. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. You watched as a flicker of surprise and disappointment passed over his face before he quickly masked it with a small smile.

"Hey," he said, his voice filled with warmth but tinged with a hint of uncertainty.

"Hi," you replied, your voice almost a whisper as nerves danced in your stomach.

Beomgyu seemed to sense your unease, taking a step closer to you, his expression filled with concern.

"Is everything alright?" he asked softly, his gaze locked with yours.

"You've been avoiding me all day."

"oh, you noticed," you mumbled, your voice barely audible.

Your eyes darted away from his gaze, unable to meet his penetrating stare. Beomgyu reached out, gently placing a hand on your arm.

"Yeah, I noticed," he said gently.

"Did I do something wrong?"

His touch caused you to jump, and he quickly retract his hand. You could see the hurt flash in his eyes, and guilt washed over you.

"No, no, it's not you," you stammered, finally mustering the courage to meet his gaze.

"It's just... I've been feeling overwhelmed today."

Beomgyu nodded, his expression softening with understanding.

"I'm sorry if I added to that. I didn't mean to make you feel overwhelmed."

You shook your head quickly, wanting to reassure him.

"No, it's not your fault, really. It's just... I didn't know how to give you something."

Beomgyu's brow furrowed slightly, confusion evident in his eyes.

"Give me something?" he repeated, his voice laced with curiosity.

"Happy Birthday," you whispered, your eyes squeezed shut as you held out the present you made for him.

Beomgyu's eyes widened as he took the gift from your trembling hands. For a moment, he simply stared at it, as if unable to comprehend what was happening. Then, a warm smile spread across his face, and he pulled you into a tight embrace.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice filled with genuine gratitude.

"You have no idea how much this means to me."

Relief flooded through you as you melted into his embrace, feeling safe and secure in his arms.

"It's a bracelet. Like the one you gave me for my birthday. I added a teddy bear charm, cause well... you remember what I said," you whispered, your voice trailing off.

A tenderness settled over Beomgyu's expression, and he nodded in understanding.

"I remember," he replied softly, his fingers tracing the delicate charm on the bracelet.

"It means the world to me."

"I'm sorry for avoiding you," you murmured, your voice barely audible.

"I was just scared, clearly for no reason."

Beomgyu put the bracelet on, holding out his wrist for you to see. You gazed at his wrist, the bracelet snugly hugging his skin. The sight brought a smile to your face, and seeing you smile caused Beomgyu to smile too.

"Can I walk you home?" he softly asked, his voice filled with a newfound warmth.

You nodded, your heart fluttering with relief and excitement. As you walked side by side down the deserted school halls, you found yourself sticking closer than usual to him. The two of you strolled down the familiar streets, sharing lighthearted banter and laughter. Beomgyu's hand brushed against yours occasionally, sending feelings of electricity through your veins. As you reached your front gate, silence fell between the two of you.

"Thank you for walking me home," you said softly.

Beomgyu smiled, his eyes looking you over with pure adoration.

"It was my pleasure," he replied gently.

"I'm sorry again for avoiding you on your birthday," you said quickly, not wanting him to leave just yet.

"Don't apologize," he said, his voice filled with sincerity.

"Thank you again for the bracelet, I'll treasure it."

"I'm glad you like it," you whispered, your voice filled with genuine happiness.

A sudden burst of courage overtook you, "there's another thing I forgot to give you," you said almost confidently and made sure to meet his eyes.

Beomgyu's eyebrows raised in surprise, curiosity taking over his features.

"Oh? What is it?" he asked, a playful smile now tugging at the corners of his lips.

You took a deep breath, your heart hammering against your chest. All that nervousness was resurfacing but you weren't going to back out now. You slowly stood on your tippy toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

Beomgyu's eyes widened at the unexpected gesture, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. He stood frozen for a moment, processing the gentle touch of your lips on his skin.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. His hand instinctively reached up to touch the spot where your lips had touched his cheek.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," you whispered, a shy smile playing on your lips.

Beomgyu nodded, still slightly stunned by the unexpected kiss.

"Yeah, definitely," he replied, his voice filled with a mix of surprise and anticipation.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

You waved goodbye, feeling a newfound sense of confidence as you walked towards your front door. As you closed the door behind you, the confidence turned to slight embarrassment and you felt your face get hot.

You can't believe you just did that.

May 18th, 2018

It’s hard to believe that junior year is almost over. Then we’ll be seniors. For some reason, today felt like one of those “hey let’s reflect on my life” days and I decided that I’ve been really happy lately. No I haven’t confessed to you, but we’ve definitely gotten closer. To the point where we hang out after school or even on the weekends, just the two of us. Sometimes (a lot of times), you’ll even ask to join me on my walks and it’s nice to have company on them. Or should I say your company. Aside from that, something a little strange happened this morning. Someone from the basketball team asked me out. I told him I’d think about it.

Even as you grow older, there’s something about Fridays that never loses its appeal. This particular Friday greeted you with a sense of optimism and well-being. The sun was shining and the sky was clear, almost like it was a sign of good things to come. You got to school earlier than usual, none of your friends are there yet, except for Kai because he's on the basketball team and they had practice before school began.

"Hey," Kai said with a smile as he approached you.

"You're here early today."

"Yeah, I woke up earlier than usual," you replied, returning his smile.

Kai leaned against the lockers beside you, his gaze fixated on the empty hallway.

"Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Curiosity piqued, you turned to face him fully.

"Sure, what's up?"

Kai took a deep breath and his eyes darted around the hallway, almost as if he was hesitant to say anything.

"You know, Taeyang right? Our point guard?"

"Yeah, I know him," you replied, wondering where this conversation was headed.

Kai continued, his voice slightly hesitant.

"Well, he asked me to talk to you on his behalf. Since you and I are good friends and all. He... um... well, he wanted to ask you out."

You blinked, taken aback by the unexpected proposition. Taeyang was popular and well-liked, but you never considered dating him. You let out a nervous laugh, trying to process the sudden turn of events.

"Wait, seriously? Taeyang wants to ask me out?"

Kai nodded, a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Yeah, he's been talking about you lately."

"Wow, that's... unexpected," you spoke honestly, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"Well, what did you tell him?" you asked Kai, your heart pounding with a mix of nerves and what felt like excitement.

Kai sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I told him I'd talk to you about it. And honestly, I think you should consider it."

Kai wasn't exactly sure why he was telling you to consider it. He knew about Beomgyu's feelings towards you and even helped orchestrate the setup on Valentine's Day.

As you listened to Kai's words, a swirl of emotions filled your chest. On one hand, the idea of going out with Taeyang intrigued you. He was popular, charismatic, and undeniably attractive. Anyone would agree to go out with him in a heartbeat. But, your mind also couldn't help but drift to Beomgyu. You thought about how gentle, kind-hearted and attentive Beomgyu was. You liked Beomgyu, really liked him, but Kai didn't know that. You only told Taehyun, and Yeonjun somehow picked up on your feelings too. Taeyang may be popular and attractive, but he didn't evoke the same warmth and comfort and thrill as Beomgyu did.

Taking a deep breath, you looked at Kai, determination flickering in your eyes.

"Thank you for telling me, Kai. I appreciate it."

Kai's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Wait, you decided already?"

You nodded, your voice filled with certainty.

"Yeah, I have. I don't see myself going out with Taeyang. He's probably a great guy, but there's someone else I've been thinking about."

Kai's eyes widened in surprise and he couldn't help but ask to confirm his suspicions.

"Do you mean... Beomgyu?"

A blush crept up your cheeks, confirming Kai's suspicion.

"Yeah, Beomgyu. I really like him. I have for a long time, but only came to terms with it when we got to high school."

A knowing smile tugged at the corners of Kai's lips as he leaned closer to you.

"I had a feeling," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

You looked at Kai, relief and nervousness flooding your heart.

"You knew?"

Kai chuckled softly, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Let's just say I'm good at reading people. And it became more obvious with the way you were acting on his birthday last year."

You couldn't help but blush at Kai's observation, remembering how nervous you had felt that day. It seemed that everyone had picked up on your feelings for Beomgyu except for Beomgyu himself. And maybe Soobin.

"Yeah, I tried my best to hide it," you admitted with a sheepish smile.

"But I guess I haven't been doing a very good job."

Kai shrugged and nudged you playfully.

"To be fair, it's hard to hide with the way your eyes light up whenever he's around."

You laughed softly, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders as you openly discussed your feelings for Beomgyu with Kai.

"So what are you going to do now?" Kai asked, his eyes filled with genuine curiosity.

"I think I'll wait and see if Taeyang talks to me himself. Cause I find it a little hard to believe that a guy like that would have someone else ask someone out for him," you said, your voice laced with a hint of skepticism.

"If he's interested, he can approach me directly. But as for Beomgyu, I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him."

Kai nodded understandingly, his gaze sympathetic. He knew Beomgyu liked you, but he swore not to say anything.

Kai let out a soft sigh and reached out to give your hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I understand your hesitation. It's not easy to confess our feelings, especially when we fear the possibility of rejection. But sometimes, taking a chance is worth it."

You looked at Kai, his words resonating deep within your heart.

Taking a chance... Was it really worth it?

The fear of rejection loomed over you like a dark cloud, casting doubt upon your every thought. You shook your head, pushing all the negative thoughts away, and the sight of more students entering the hallway caught your attention.

Among the students making their way through the bustling hallway, you caught a glimpse of Beomgyu. He was talking and laughing with Soobin and Yeonjun. Your heart felt warm, and you couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. Kai followed your gaze and noticed Beomgyu too. His eyes twinkled mischievously as he leaned in closer to you.

"You know," he said, his voice low and conspiratorial, "there's no harm in taking matters into your own hands."

You looked at Kai, intrigued by his suggestion.

"What do you mean?"

Kai grinned, a playful glint in his eyes.

"Well, if you're hesitant about confessing directly, why not drop some subtle hints? See if Beomgyu picks up on them."

The idea both excited and terrified you.

"I-I'll consider that," you murmured.

The day progressed as usual, but you made the choice to sit outside during your lunch period. You found a quiet spot under a tree, the gentle rustling of leaves providing a soothing backdrop as you mulled over Kai's suggestion. The sun bathed you in its warm rays, and you took a deep breath, pulling out your little black notebook. Flipping through the pages, you came across several doodles and snippets of poetry and letters that you had written over the years. Lost in your thoughts, you absentmindedly traced the words you had written about Beomgyu.

Unaware of the passing time, a shadow fell over your notebook. Startled, you looked up to find Taeyang standing before you. He had a small smile on his face, his eyes reflecting curiosity and something else you couldn't quite place.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, gesturing to the empty space next to you.

You blinked, momentarily taken aback by Taeyang's unexpected presence.

"Uh, sure," you stammered, quickly moving your backpack aside to make room for him.

Taeyang settled down beside you, his gaze lingering on your notebook for a brief moment before focusing on you. You quickly closed the notebook and put it back into your bag. Nervously, you fidgeted with the strap, unsure of what to say. You were the first to break the awkward (at least for you) silence when you mentioned that you and Kai had talked this morning. He leaned back against the tree and let out a small laugh.

"I didn't think he'd talk to you for me," Taeyang admitted.

"I also wanted to talk to you myself."

You looked at him, surprised by his straightforward honesty.

"Really?"

Taeyang nodded, his eyes searching yours.

"Yeah. I wanted to see if you'd be interested in going out on a date with me."

Your heart started beating faster, caught off guard by Taeyang's straightforwardness.

"Is it okay if I think about it?" you asked, trying to steady your racing thoughts.

Taeyang's smile faltered for a moment, his eyes filled with a hint of disappointment, but he quickly regained his composure.

"Of course, take your time," he replied, his voice gentle and understanding.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm interested in getting to know you better."

You nodded, grateful for his patience.

"Thank you, Taeyang. I appreciate your honesty."

Afterwards, you collected your belongings and went in search of your friends, joining them for the remainder of lunch. You found them sitting at a table that was not too distant from the tree where you had just been sitting.

"So, what did Taeyang want?" Soobin asked, nudging your shoulder playfully as you sat down in the open space next to him.

You blushed, feeling a rush of nerves as all eyes turned toward you.

"Um, well... he asked me out on a date," you admitted shyly.

You noticed the way they all looked to Boemgyu before erupting into a chorus of excited exclamations, their enthusiasm coming off a little forced. Soobin clapped you on the back, causing you to nearly spill your water.

"That's amazing!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide with delight.

"Finally, someone recognizes how incredible you are!"

Blushing even more, you laughed at Soobin's exaggerated reaction.

"Thanks, Soobin. You guys are too much."

Yeonjun smirked and leaned in closer, his voice dripping with playful teasing.

"Well, I guess now we have to give you some dating advice. Remember, confidence is key."

Rolling your eyes, you playfully nudged Yeonjun back.

"Oh please, like you're an expert in dating."

Yeonjun feigned offense, clutching his heart dramatically.

"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm a smooth operator when it comes to matters of the heart."

"Before any dating advice, you guys should know that I didn't say yes. I told Taeyang I'd think about it," you explained, trying to temper their excitement.

"But why would you need to think about it?" Kai chimed in, a mischievous glint in his eyes as if he didn't remember anything you told him just this morning.

"Taeyang's a great guy and he likes you. What's there to think about?"

You sighed, realizing that your friends weren't going to let you off the hook easily.

"It's just... complicated," you murmured, avoiding their intense gazes.

You looked up from your fidgeting hands to see Beomgyu looking at you. His expression was unreadable, a mix of concern and something deeper that you couldn't quite place. It made your heart ache a little, the way he had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the conversation.

"I think you should go for it," Beomgyu spoke softly.

The chatter from everyone else suddenly stopped and they all turned to him looking either confused, shocked or both. You looked at Beomgyu surprised, your heart sinking at his words. You felt a pang of disappointment at Beomgyu's response. His words weighed heavily on your heart, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions that you struggled to make sense of. It felt like a knife twisting in your chest as you realized that Beomgyu, the person you had secretly (not so secretly) harbored feelings for, was encouraging you to pursue someone else.

With a forced smile, you tried to brush off the sudden heaviness in the air.

"Thanks, Beomgyu. I appreciate your input," you said, your voice wavering ever so slightly.

The rest of your friends exchanged glances, sensing the tension that had seeped into the atmosphere. Soobin, always the peacemaker, cleared his throat and tried to lighten the mood.

"So, who's up for some ice cream after school?" Soobin suggested with a grin, hoping to distract everyone from the brewing awkwardness.

The suggestion seemed to work, as the tension in the air eased and your friends nodded eagerly, already planning which flavors they would get. You silently thanked Soobin for his quick thinking, grateful for his ability to diffuse any situation. Despite the lighthearted conversation that followed, the weight of Beomgyu's words still lingered in your mind. The bell rang shortly after, and even though you had your next class with Kai, you walked quickly to the classroom by yourself, needing some time alone to process what just happened.

May 18th, 2018

It’s the end of the school day and even though you didn’t say much, your words were all I could think about. You wanted me to date someone else… That has to mean that you don’t like me any more than a friend. I guess I’ll have to just deal with that-

Beomgyu closed the little black notebook.

He should've done so when he realized the notebook belonged to you, which was when he read the very first entry. He shouldn't have read any of your personal thoughts and feelings, but he couldn't help himself. He found it on a desk while looking for you after the final bell had rung. Thinking it was his own notebook, since he had the class earlier in the day and hasn’t been able to find his, he picked it up and sought out a blank page to write on, needing an outlet for the complicated feelings that surfaced at lunch today.

Beomgyu hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether he should confess his accidental discovery or simply leave the notebook on the desk without mentioning it. He was certain though that he had to be completely truthful with you about his feelings now. He didn't want you to go out with Taeyang, but he knew you might not believe him after the way he had encouraged you before.

He was in a state of panic, desperately trying to figure out how to make you understand his feelings without actually saying it, because he can't seem to say the right words around you. Rummaging through his bag, he pulled out his identical little black notebook, finding it at the very bottom, and put it on the desk where he found yours. He looked back at the book and let out a deep sigh before leaving the classroom.

Now he just had to wait.

When the last bell rang, you tried to get yourself out of the school building as quickly as you could, not bothering to stop by your locker. You were lost in your own thoughts, still replaying the conversation from earlier. The hallway was bustling with students, but everything around you seemed to blur into background noise. You continued walking, as if you were on autopilot, until your legs began to ache and you stopped. As you survey your surroundings, you realize that you somehow ended up at the park where you and Beomgyu spent Valentine's Day. The memories flood back and tears begin to well up in your eyes.

Why were you crying?

You didn't tell him how you felt, yet it still felt like you got rejected.

You take a seat on the nearest bench, resting your bag on your lap and frantically search for your little black notebook. It holds all of your thoughts about Beomgyu, but also serves as your diary, which you desperately need at the moment. Panic began to take hold as you hurriedly emptied your bag.

It wasn't there.

Your little black notebook was missing from your bag.

How could you have lost it?

The notebook held not only your innermost thoughts about Beomgyu but also all of your secrets and fears. Your mind races with possibilities. Did you drop it somewhere? Did someone take it? The thought of someone reading your most intimate thoughts and feelings made you feel sick to your stomach.

You feel a lump forming in your throat as tears threaten to spill from your eyes. The weight of the situation, combined with the emotional turmoil of the day, became overwhelming. Taking a deep breath, you put everything back into your bag and went back to school. The first place you checked was the lost and found in the main office, asking the teacher behind the desk if anyone turned it in. You heard the teacher rummage through a box of forgotten belongings, emerging with a solemn expression, "I'm sorry, no one turned in a notebook."

Your shoulders dropped slightly and you thanked her before quickly making your way to the classroom where your eighth period class was located. Walking into the classroom, your eyes anxiously scanned around the room, and you almost cried again upon seeing the little black notebook sitting on your desk. Relief washed over you as you hurriedly snatched up the notebook, clutching it to your chest.

It was still here, safe and sound.

But then, a flicker of doubt crept into your mind - had someone read it? Or did they just pick it up and put it on your desk for you? You shake your head in disbelief as you put the notebook back into your bag and begin your walk home. Your phone had been going off since the last bell rang, but you didn't bother to check it, already knowing that they were messages from your friends who had made plans to get ice cream after school. You'd talk to them tomorrow, you needed time to yourself.

Walking home, you couldn't help but feel a whirlwind of emotions. The sun had begun to set, casting a warm orange glow across the sidewalk. The familiar sights and sounds of your neighborhood seemed distant as your mind continued to replay everything that happened today. The events of the day had left you feeling vulnerable and exposed, and you once again thought about someone potentially reading your innermost thoughts. You arrived at your front door, feeling a mix of exhaustion and anxiety. Taking a deep breath, you inserted the key and opened the door, stepping into the comforting familiarity of your home. The silence enveloped you like a soft blanket, soothing the inner chaos that had plagued you most of the day.

You made your way to your room and immediately collapsed onto your bed, grateful for the privacy it offered. The weight of the day's events pressed down on you, making it hard to breathe. Retrieving your small black notebook and favorite pen from your bag, you sit up to record today's entry in your diary. As you flipped through the notebook, searching for a blank page, you came across handwriting that was both unfamiliar yet strangely familiar at the same time, causing your heart to stop.

This wasn't your book.

You furrowed your brow, confusion and curiosity intertwining in your mind.

How did this notebook end up on your desk?

You cautiously flipped through the pages, your eyes scanning the words before you. It was filled with beautiful prose and heartfelt musings, but they were not your own. Each word felt like a glimpse into someone else's soul. As you continued to read, your own name caught your attention. It was written delicately, in most of the entries, as if it was a whisper on the page. Your heart pounded in your chest as you read the words that followed. The way this person described you, your quirks, your smile, and the way your eyes sparkled when you laughed. It was an ode to your existence, penned by an unknown admirer. You couldn't believe what you were reading.

This notebook was one that matched the contents in yours, except it was about you.

Overwhelmed by the emotions flooding through you, you sat in stunned silence. The realization that someone had been writing about you with such depth and appreciation, the way you wrote about Beomgyu, left you feeling a mix of emotions.

You continued reading, even though you knew you shouldn't, a sense of longing and familiarity washed over you. The way this person described your interactions, the shared moments and inside jokes, it all resonated deeply within your soul. Oddly enough, reading this notebook felt like flipping through the pages of your own diary. The realization caused goosebumps to form, trailing down your arms.

This was Beomgyu's notebook.

With trembling hands, you slowly closed the notebook and carefully reached over to retrieve your bag.

As you were trying to put it away, a photograph slipped out from between the pages. You immediately recognized the photo as one taken last week. Beomgyu had joined you for an evening walk and brought his polaroid camera along.

As you strolled along the Han River, a kind stranger offered to take a picture of the two of you together. The stranger had taken a few, but this one in particular was beautiful. It captured the essence of that moment perfectly, the way Beomgyu's laughter lit up his face and the way your eyes sparkled with genuine happiness. Neither of you were purposely posing for the picture, but that's what made it feel authentic.

You held the photo delicately in your hands, studying the smiles on both your faces. It was evident how happy you were together, and yet, you couldn't help but wonder why Beomgyu had kept this notebook a secret from you. Probably for the exact same reason you kept yours a secret from him. Closing your eyes, you tried to process the new whirlwind of emotions that engulfed you. The discovery of Beomgyu's hidden admiration for you felt like stumbling upon a forbidden treasure. A myriad of questions swirled around in your mind and it felt overwhelming.

Amidst all the questions and overwhelming emotions, one thing was undeniable: you liked Beomgyu and he liked you too.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, you've been staring at the closed notebook in your lap for what feels like hours. The buzzing of your phone drew your attention away from the emotional whirlwind that started during lunch. With a heavy sigh, you grabbed your phone and saw that it was flooded with notifications from your friends. They ranged from asking you what ice cream flavor you wanted to the everlasting debate on mint-chocolate. The most recent message was from Taehyun, expressing his concern for you and letting you know where they were in case you decided to join them. As you scrolled through the notifications, you noticed that none of them were from Beomgyu.

Your heart sank a little at the realization that Beomgyu hadn't reached out to you. It had been hours since you had discovered his notebook, and the weight of the unanswered questions was becoming unbearable. Why hadn't he said anything? Was he waiting for you to say something? Taking a deep breath, you decided that enough was enough. You couldn't keep dwelling on these uncertainties and waiting for Beomgyu to make the first move. If you wanted answers, you had to be brave enough to seek them out yourself.

When you glanced at the clock, you saw that it was the time you typically go for your evening stroll. You grabbed his notebook and slipped it into a canvas bag, carefully stepping outside. The evening air was crisp, carrying with it the scent of blooming flowers and a sense of anticipation. The streets were bathed in the warm glow of streetlights, casting long shadows on the pavement as you walked. You arrived at the location Taehyun had sent you, and through the window of the ice cream parlor, you saw them sitting at a table in the far corner.

Your friends looked up in surprise as you entered the ice cream parlor, a mix of concern and curiosity evident on their faces. Taehyun, ever perceptive, noticed the canvas bag slung over your shoulder and the determined look in your eyes.

"You made it!" he exclaimed, his voice filled with relief.

"We were worried about you."

Taking a seat, you responded with a small smile, though your mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of Beomgyu. Your eyes searched the crowded parlor, hoping to catch a glimpse of him somewhere amidst the sea of faces. But he was nowhere to be found.

Lost in your thoughts, you barely noticed when Yeonjun nudged your arm gently.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked, concern etched into his features.

You blinked, pulling yourself back to the present moment.

"I'm... I'm fine," you replied, your voice betraying a hint of uncertainty.

"Um, where's Beomgyu?" you asked, mentally facepalming at your voice faltering slightly.

Yeonjun exchanged a glance with Taehyun before answering, his voice laced with sympathy.

"He... he left a little while ago."

Trying to hide your disappointment, you mustered a smile and nodded, pretending that it didn't bother you as much as it did.

"Oh, I see," you replied softly.

"Did he say where he was going?"

Taehyun cleared his throat, exchanging another glance with Yeonjun before answering.

"No, he didn't mention anything. He just said he had something important to take care of and left in a hurry."

Something important?

Your mind raced with possibilities, then your eyes widened in realization.

"Wait, what time did he leave?" you asked, a sense of urgency creeping into your voice.

Soobin checked his watch and furrowed his brows.

"I think it was around thirty minutes ago," he replied, his eyes filled with concern.

"Is everything okay?"

You stood up abruptly, the canvas bag slipping off your shoulder and hitting the table with a soft thud.

"I need to go," you announced.

Without waiting for a response, you hastily picked up the canvas bag and rushed out of the ice cream parlor. This morning, Beomgyu had asked to accompany you on your evening walk, and you had agreed to meet at the park.

That park.

Heart pounding, you picked up your pace as you made your way towards the park. It was a familiar route, one that you had walked countless times together with him. The anticipation in your chest was overwhelming, and all you could hope was that he was there.

As you entered the park, you scanned the area, searching for any sign of him. Your eyes fell upon a figure sitting on a bench near the pond and relief washed over you as you recognized the familiar silhouette. Beomgyu was there, his head bowed down, engrossed in deep thoughts. You approached him cautiously, not wanting to startle him.

"Beomgyu," you called out softly, your voice carrying both unease and longing.

Beomgyu looked up, surprise flickering in his eyes as he met your gaze. His expression quickly transformed into one of relief, and he stood up, a mix of emotions crossing his face.

"I didn't think you'd come," he said, his voice soft.

"I had to," you replied, your own voice trembling slightly.

You pulled his little black notebook out of your bag and clutched it tightly.

"I found this," you started, holding out the notebook towards him, "when I went back to school to look for mine."

Beomgyu reached out and took the notebook from your hands, his fingers brushing against yours for a brief moment. His fingers traced the worn edges, the pages filled with his words and thoughts. He looked up at you, his eyes shimmering with unspoken emotions.

"I was hoping you would. I left it there on purpose," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I wanted you to find it, to know how I felt."

"Then... then that means-" before you could continue, he pulled your notebook out of his bag and nodded.

Yeah," Beomgyu interrupted, a small smile gracing his lips.

"I found yours."

As you reached out to take your notebook from Beomgyu's hands, your fingers brushed against each other again, and a tingling sensation coursed through your veins.

"Did you-" you started to ask, but then stopped yourself.

The answer was already clear. If he didn't read your book, he wouldn't have left his for you to find. The unspoken understanding between you and Beomgyu hung in the air, as if time had frozen in that moment. Without a word, Beomgyu stood up and took a step closer to you. The air crackled with anticipation as he reached out, his hand gently reaching out to hold yours. His touch was tender, a tenderness that spoke volumes.

"I've been wanting to tell you for so long," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, and you found yourself unable to form a coherent response. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart.

"I've wanted to tell you too," you finally managed to say.

Beomgyu's eyes searched yours, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand as he leaned closer.

"Do you remember that party? The one we kissed at?" he asked softly, his voice filled with nostalgia and vulnerability.

"How could I forget?" you replied softly, your gaze locked with his.

"That was my very first kiss."

"When you told me you'd like the real me, that's when I knew. Since then, it's always been you " he confessed, his voice barely a whisper.

"You've liked me for that long? But then-" you cut yourself off, realizing it wasn't the appropriate moment to bring it up.

Beomgyu smiled as if he knew what you were going to ask, "all the other boys liked her, so I followed the crowd. Stupid, I know."

"I've felt the same way," you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper.

"I've always seen you, Beomgyu. I've always loved you. It just took me a long time to realize and then accept it."

Beomgyu's eyes softened, relief and adoration shining in them.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," you murmured.

"Don't apologize," Beomgyu whispered, his voice filled with delicacy.

A gentle breeze rustled the leaves around you, as if nature itself was acknowledging the significance of this moment.

Beomgyu leaned in closer, his lips just inches away from yours.

"Can I ask something else?" he whispered, his breath warm against your skin.

You nodded, anticipation coursing through your veins.

"I didn't get to kiss you that second time, can I make up for it now?"

The question hung in the air as you looked into Beomgyu's eyes and felt your heart race. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips, and you nodded, giving him permission to make up for that missed opportunity.

Beomgyu's eyes lit up with delight and nervousness as he closed the remaining distance between you. His lips met yours in a gentle, sweet kiss. Time seemed to stand still as you melted into each other, the world around you fading away. It was a moment of pure bliss, a culmination of emotions and desires that had been building up for far too long. The kiss was everything, full of promises and possibilities. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him, while yours found their way around his neck, tangling in his soft hair.

And then, as if the universe had conspired with your group of friends, the sound of clapping and cheers caused you to pull away. You glanced over Beomgyu's shoulder and saw your friends standing there, huge smiles on their faces, applauding the two of you.

Taehyun and Yeonjun were grinning like they had just won the lottery, and Soobin and Kai pretending they had tears welling up in their eyes, wiping them away. You couldn't help but laugh at the sight. Beomgyu turned to look at your friends, his cheeks flushed from the kiss.

"Guess we've been caught," he mumbled and pulled you closer.

Your friends approached, still clapping and cheering, their laughter echoing through the park.

Taehyun gave you a playful wink while Yeonjun threw an arm around Soobin's shoulders, teasing him about his "emotional" display.

Kai, always the romantic, applauded the loudest and shouted, "Finally! Took you both long enough!"

You blushed looking everywhere but your friends , feeling a mixture of embarrassment and joy. Beomgyu squeezed your hand reassuringly, a silent reminder that this was real, that it was happening.

As the laughter subsided, Yeonjun cleared his throat and glanced at the others mischievously.

"Well, I think it's time for us to give these two some privacy," he said with a sly grin, playfully nudging Beomgyu.

Beomgyu chuckled, a hint of pink dusting his cheeks.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," he replied, his gaze never leaving yours.

Your friends exchanged knowing glances before making their way towards the park's exit, leaving the two of you alone. The park was now quiet, the only sounds being the soft rustling of leaves. The tranquility of the moment wrapped around you like a comforting embrace, allowing you to fully soak in the reality of what had just transpired.

Beomgyu took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. The intensity of his gaze made your heart skip a beat, and you felt a wave of vulnerability wash over you. This was uncharted territory, a new beginning for both of you.

"What now?" you asked.

Beomgyu reached out, his hand trembling slightly, and gently brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch sends shivers down your spine, igniting a spark deep within your soul. It was a gesture so simple yet so intimate, conveying a depth of emotion that words could never capture.

"Well first," Beomgyu whispered softly, "I think I should ask you properly."

"Ask me what?" you replied, your voice barely a whisper, afraid to break the delicate spell that had woven itself around the two of you.

Beomgyu took a deep breath and looked into your eyes, his gaze unwavering.

His voice quivered slightly, “Can I be your boyfriend? Will you let me love you and cherish you, like you deserve?"

The vulnerability and sincerity in his voice made your heart swell with love for him.

You reached out to cup his face gently, your fingertips grazing his cheek.

"Yes," you whispered, "as long as you'll let me love you the same."

He pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you as if he never wanted to let go. The weight of his feelings enveloped you, filling every corner of your being with warmth and contentment. You pressed your cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"Just so you know," you murmured, "I still plan on writing you love letters like in the book."

"Will you send them to me this time?" he asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

"Of course," you replied, a giggle escaping your lips.

"I'll send them straight to your heart."

a/n: thank you for reading, I really hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! I've been working on this story since October of last year and it's crazy how the idea stemmed from a little joke I made. As always, reblogs and comments are appreciated and thank you again for reading!

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#reblogging this for valentine’s day :)#cause there’s a really cute valentine’s day diary entry in here #choi beomgyu fluff #choi beomgyu x reader #choi beomgyu imagines #choi beomgyu

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