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talking stages for people pleasers literally the stuff of nightmares how do I tell this man I'm not the least bit interested but oh no I cant have him think I'm a rude bitch?
#what is wrong with me seriously#been keeping it up for a while just to be polite obv throwing around hints but he's a bit.. idk. stubborn#and I honestly think it's meaner to him that I'm not being upfront but I'm genuinely scared to#bc like. what if that hurts him#he'll move on tho surely right#maybe I'll just get on with it. someday. soon#once I've sorted out my other relationship dilemma lol
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confrontations are so hard wtf I'm legit having a visceral reaction to all of this
#all of this not even being the real confrontation yet btw I just sent a msg and now we wait#obv much harder when you're the one who's objectively in the wrong yikes#not much to say not much to lose I will brace thru apologise and try to make amends#and if it doesn't work out I'm not losing anything by confronting them bc I would've been losing them anyway amirite lads#honestly that's just my approach to this and everything else in life like I'm done trying to force and control#outcomes I will just do what's right what needs to be done in spite of my past mistakes bc oh well there's literally no other way#let what comes come I can not torture beat and hate myself for my mistakes for ever who does that serve literally no one#all that aside obv I'm not hearess and losing this person will gut me like a fish it would be really sad and tragic bc I love them so dearly#but they have every right not to forgive me and I'd understand that#oof
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life would be a lot easier for me if I just accepted my self for the hag that I am
#just increased the font size on my phone and oh wow tell me why everything hurts less to look at#my eyes have been getting whacked around left and right slave shift is over rejoice
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happy fx bear day!!!!
#now do i stay up late to watch it b4 all the spoilers hmm#it drops at 3am where i am and even then id have to wait a couple more hours to...you know....p word it.....#might as well just sleep and wake up really early instead tbh
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the demons of ef 1 will not lure me tho I'm at the very least stronger than THAT
#no shade but this is mayhaps the only the sport I don't get like what's interesting?? must've missed the memo#I am decidedly a ball sports gal n e way so.
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the June sports drought is not for the weak im a thread away from kms
#NOTHING to watch till wimby starts on the 30th roland garros was a whole lifetime ago#no club footy not even int footy this is hell on earth I miss my club so fucking much#sliding down the wall in complete and utter despair. jpeg
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the haters (doctors and well... everyone) were right losing even a tad bit of weight DOES in fact fix your crazy wild batshit hormones a little bit
#all five of my p*riods since losing almost ten kilos have been somewhat gentle#still have cramps obv but no where near as bad as the usual#facial hair grows sooo much less thicker still grows fast tho so idk abt that#and ffs my knees don't hurt all the time anymore? biggest W in my book
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myles my son that I birthed and raised with mine own two hands trust and believe we WILL get you pfa young player of the year
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wondering when I'll grow the fuck out of seeing the good and worthwhile in truly, genuinely, OBJECTIVELY evil people
#need to take these fiction glasses OWFF#some people are just built with evil wirings like they're not even black and white and complex and multilayered#just pure raw unwavering evil#yes this is about one of my roomies. when is it ever not#I did try to give her sm leeway time and time again bc I love our other roomies and did not want to air quote stink up the vibes#but enuf is enuf I can't wait for her to leave nd hopefully never come back good fucking riddance
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how do I deal with the fact that this is the most stress free I will ever be for the next nine or so months
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literally woul
#literally would rather shoot myself in the skull instead of having to go back there.#it's so stupid and useless and expensive and stressful and Idek how I'm gonna make it out there#and I already bc feel so weighed down by all the guilt of making my parents pay sm on me#and truthfully I don't even think this degree is worth it or has any meaning at all anymore but ik I'll def not#find a job without it also being degree less requires a level of character strength and bravery I'm simply not equipped with#so. two more years of my life are gonna be going to absolute waste like completely flushed down the drain
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left home w soaked wet hair bc I've never heard of a blow drier spent 4hrs in 30° heat came back home and MY HAIR IS STILL FUCKIN WET IM SICK
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ugh.
#oversharing and no one cares rlly but.#we just had this family over with young kids who got into a terrible accident trying to flee the war back home#and like their grandpa died their cousins died all right in front of them and they were stuck under a bus#so fucking tragic and horrible what they went thru my heart hurts fir them so much#2 of the kids are sorta fine at least physically but the eldest has a broken pelvic
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it's raining so hard the windows are about to come off neck hurts tummy hurts freezing my nuts off as well.... when will the agony ever end
#also. weird but#my (not yet 12 years old) brother just asked me a deep introspective existential question#and first of all I gen though he was joking about#and laughed a bit#he was like what's funny 🤨he put me to shame real fast lol.#n e way I was gen confuzzled like idk what to say to him and atst I wanna give him the kind of#tender well thought well worded answer than could stick with him for a while and comfort him.#BUT IDK WHAT TO SAYYYYY#I might go back and try to talk to him rn fingers crossed idk say anything stupid#BUT it made me so happy he felt safe to talk to me about something so vulnerable ik he would not have#asked my other siblings about this so. I'm so glad I can kinda work to be his comfort and safe person.
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Ruas do Mundo - Kastelruth, South Tyrol, Italy .
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