bestcurse

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

did i fall off the face of the earth…… maybe. but im gonna be over here now!

[bestcurse]

in this state, he’s unsure why his level of intoxication matters so much, not when it was only the truth that had breezed past his lips. a truth that is, sure, admittedly, a lot easier to come after a few drinks over the course of the night, but it held strong, nonetheless. he doesn’t allow himself to think about the alternative, either, that if his night hadn’t panned out in the way it had, he might not have worked up the courage to see her at all. that he would’ve retreated to his hotel room, each and every night, here, in the same city, yet completely unbeknownst to her. that familiar pang in his chest returns, from the mere thought of it, that their lives are moving in separate directions, rather than intertwined like they once were. it’s easy enough to forget, however, when she’s smiling at him like that, when he’s watching the shade of crimson spread across her cheeks, causing his heart to stutter in his chest, to skip a beat entirely, as a subtle smile of his own tugs at his features to match. “ only a little, ” he assures her, even though it’s clear he’s underestimating, based on the glassy look to his eyes, to the series of events he’d gotten himself caught up with tonight, now with the injuries to show for it. “ but that doesn’t mean i mean it any less. ” because he was being truthful; something that has failed him, the past few encounters they’d had. he can sense the shift in her, as she turns back around to face him; notices the change of expression on her face, no longer with a smile, or flushed cheeks. it causes him to shift in his chair, for his shoulders to become taut, as that word is thrown around— lie. they’d both done their fair share of that, hadn’t they? his shoulders roll into a shrug, as his gaze follows her, taking her in at this angle, even as his eyes narrow in the slightest. “ no? you just lie to me about other things, then? ” and it wasn’t fair, not in the slightest, but it slips out before he can think any more of it, before he can think further about how she looked, opening her front door to him, tonight. that familiar ache in his chest makes a reappearance, remembering how she used to look that way when they were together, when he used to be the one to pull that from her. still, he nods, to say yes, that she looked happy, to say that he missed seeing that from her. the ache deepens, however, at her words, feeling his head drop, as they settle in the air between them— finally. “ finally, ” he echoes, needing to say it aloud, for it to solidify. wants to ask what had changed, since the last time they saw one another, if he’d really given her the push to move on, like he’d insisted. “ so, what— you’re like, in love with him now, or something? ” that wasn’t fair of him to ask either, not really, but it slips out regardless, trying to keep his face unreadable as she sits down beside him, tries to ignore the slight tremble in his hands, at the mere thought of it. there’s a lump in his throat, one that he can’t swallow away, angling his head to face her. “ right, yeah… no, you’re right. it shouldn’t matter, ” and yet it does— it always has. “ is that what you wanted me to do, then? get to know him? ”

no matter what they’ve said to each other or how shattered things have become, devon knows she could never turn him away. the worst part of it all was that he didn’t even have to be bloodied or bruised— he could have appeared on her doorstep dead sober and she still would have opened the door and beckoned him inside. because of course she still cares about him; he’s her biggest weakness, a soft spot upon her soul. she can only feel it growing the longer she tends to him, trying not to think about how she can feel his gaze casting over her as she does so. no, she needs to stay focused, to finally learn to stick to some kind of boundary to preserve what remains of her heart, but it’s difficult when they know each other so well, when she can so easily be transported back to a time when it was always just the two of them in this kitchen, laughing, talking, caring for one another. it’s probably why she reached for him like she did, to calm him, put him at ease like she had so many times before. this was what they did for one another, regardless of the circumstances. it’s why her teeth chew at the inside of her cheek at his apology, quickly shaking her head. “ it’s okay, really— you just can’t sue me if anything gets infected, ” attempts a smile, then, knowing full well she had zero clue what she was doing or if any of it might help, merely operating on pure instinct and a desire to offer him comfort, ease his pain however she could. doesn’t know how well she’s accomplishing that, though, judging by how he winces at her actions, muttering soft apologies under her breath in the aftermath, certain he’s going to tell her to stop, or that she shouldn’t be concerned with how much he drank tonight and the size of his pupils. he doesn’t, though— what he does say leaves her breathless, giddy, really, a soft smile stretching across her features instantly, followed by the heat of her cheeks as they begin to glow red. she turns away because of it, heading to the sink to wash her hands, hoping to conceal just how it affected her, how weak he makes her, still. “ god, yeah, you’re trashed, ” and she doesn’t know if he actually is or not, nor does it really matter, but it’s easier to believe he’s only saying it because he’s had a few drinks. but it sparks something inside her, suddenly angry that he said it at all, that he still possesses such a hold on her. she’ll tamper it down, though, push it away because it wasn’t fair to take it out on him in such a state. wears a tight expression as she finishes at the sink, turning around to face him once more, moving to lean against the back of the chair next to him. “ why would i say it just to make you feel better ? i wouldn’t lie to you about that, ” okay, maybe the words are tinged with a hint of bitterness, unsure if he might even catch it in his state, but they fall regardless. head falls forward at his comment about how happy she looked opening the door for him last night, brows furrowing with surprise because she doesn’t remember it like that, at all, unable to disguise the slight shock in her voice. “ i did ? ” and she has to stop herself from revealing the truth like she would have previously, letting him in on the secret that no, she wasn’t actually happy at all. sharing all they hid from everyone else with each other was a hallmark of their relationship— they lost that, though, after what transpired the last time she saw him, when they started lying to one another, as she said that night. “ i was, yeah. or i am, anyway— finally. ” and that’s her lie, one she tells to fletcher and herself, too. “ he hates it, actually, ” she chuckles, now settling in the chair next to him. “ that shouldn’t matter to you, though, right ? i mean, you never really tried to get to know him, did you ? don't know why what he does or doesn't like matters to you now. ”

[bestcurse]

there’s a general unease about him, as she settles in front of him, fussing over him in a way that would usually have his cheeks tinting pink, warmth flooding to his features. they don’t, now, maybe because of the whirl of other colours that are littered across his face, or perhaps from the liquor in his bloodstream, acting as a guise, a faux one, that conceals what would be his usual discomfort, his humiliation, over something like this. no, this distress comes from being here, seeing her, in the flesh, rather than the version of her that visits him in dreams each and every night. it comes from this new snippet of her life he’s gathered— her ability to move on without him, just as he asked of her; to construct the pieces back together, after he’d shattered any hope that there was still a future here, for them. it’s almost too much to face, a deadly combination when it’s combined with the adrenaline coursing through his veins, after the night he’d just had— lethal, the way his heart sinks to the pit of his stomach, as his gaze traverses along the space that he once considered his own, too. he can’t look at his surroundings for long, not without pure and utter regret blurring into his vision, which is why he turns it to her, focusing it on the cadence of her voice, as she tells him that he’s looked better, in the worry that’s wrapped around each circle. actually, that’s what becomes too much to bear, that look on her face, the care he can sense she still has for him, if she’s doing this for him, now. panic creeps up his throat again, materialising as a thick knot in the base of it, knowing full and well that he didn’t deserve it, her concern, her kindness. not after what he’d said to her, what he’d done, all in the hope that it would somehow make things easier for them both. god, why the fuck had he come here? she asks the same thing, and yet he doesn’t have an answer. not one that was fair on her, at least. he looks down at the hand that she has rested against his knee, the one that’s reflexively caused the tremble in his leg to stop, that has his own hand flexing, as if to stop himself from reaching out for her further. “ i’m sorry, you’re right. i probably shouldn’t have come here— i know you don’t like blood, ” and yet, she was the only one he wanted to see, the only one that could offer him comfort while he was otherwise spiralling. it’s true, and he knows it as soon as her fingers are tilting his head up, rubbing whatever the fuck that was over his cheek that causes him to wince. yet, he doesn’t pull away from her, eyes trained on her as she cleans him up, even with the nagging voice at the back of his head, reminding him that he didn’t deserve any of this. “ i might’ve, ” he agrees, no secret that he did have a few tonight, but his gaze softens, just as it always does when he looks at her. “ but, i don’t know— think they’re always like that, when i look at you, ” and it’s uttered so casually, like the last few months, the past two years, hasn’t flown past them at all. mouths a silent thank you as she passes him the frozen bag, and he uses it to hold against his cheek, elbow against the table to hold his head up. “ and you know you don’t have to say that just to make me feel better, hm? it’s okay if you want to go— i can just go back to my hotel room, or something, ” and he can’t help the next words that slip out, the image of her in his mind. “ you looked happy tonight. when you opened the door, i mean, ” he can’t exactly ignore the pang of sadness that radiates throughout his chest, either, that he wasn’t the root cause of it, anymore. “ and i know, i just… ” couldn’t. it was too hard, too painful. “ i’m not sure if your boyfriend would like that. not sure he even likes me being here now. ”

it’s incredibly difficult to hide just how shocked she is after opening her door to find him there, all battered and bruised. and she’s trying to appear as calm as possible, despite how her hands shake, how her heart races in her chest, anxiety mounting. not only is she surprised that he’s turned up here, now in the apartment they once shared, but she’s concerned, too. no matter how heartbroken she is, how much anger and bitterness still lingers inside her chest from the last time they were together, when he urged her to move on, she couldn’t find it within herself to turn him away. it’s ingrained in her, she thinks, embedded into every fiber of her being— she meant it when she said it wasn’t ever going away. not even when she hears the words he mutters, how he hates the other. hey, at least he’s being honest now, as opposed to last time. and she knows better than to comment on it, to say anything in return so as not to fuel any additional fires until she’s sufficiently put this one out, first. that’s what she’s trying to do, anyway, attempting to focus on whatever she can do for his wounds, despite her lack of experience, her aversion to blood. it’s ever present as she scowls down at the red seeping through the towel, clenching her jaw as she continues to wipe at it carefully. gaze falls momentarily to notice how his leg bounces, acting on impulse as she reaches down to lay her hand atop the one against his knee, attempting to settle him as she has so many times before as she tends to his busted lip. chooses not to think about it too much, disguise it as a casual act to keep him still, but she feels that familiar buzz return to her fingertips within a few seconds of contact. it’s then, despite his tease, her grimace deepens, voice a little shakier as she takes him in, fully. “ you’ve looked better, ” and she hopes he can sense the concern muddled within those words, if he can tell just how much she loathes seeing him like this, all bloody and bruised, regardless of how they left things previously. pulls away from him, then, to search for the first-aid kit she knows is stashed in the back of one of these drawers, returning moments later to open it up, unsure where to start. it’s when he recounts what led him here that her eyes widen, panic striking deep inside her chest, horrified at what he experienced, what someone did to him. “ jesus, miller, ” and she’s speechless, for a moment, her breathing far more sporadic. “ and you came here after that ? you should’ve called the police, or gone to the hospital, or something— i’m the shittiest excuse of a nurse. ” and yet he’s here, anyway. she can’t exactly read too far into it right now, nor can she just stand here and tell him all he should’ve done, without at least trying to help— he was worth all of the fuss. fingers gather beneath his chin, then, tilting his head slightly as she grabs what she thinks might help, some kind of antiseptic, to rub it over a cut on his cheek. “ this might sting, ” she warns, just in case. gaze filters over his features as she finishes, fingers remaining there, tucked beneath his chin for a few moments. “ god, you must’ve had a lot to drink— your pupils are huge, right now, ” and that concern never fades from her gaze, even as she steps back, to grab a pack of frozen vegetables from the freezer, handing it to him to place against his bruised flesh. “ you didn’t ruin my night, though— i didn’t feel like going out with them, anyway. i just… you know you didn’t have to get beat up just to stop by and see me, right ? ” it’s meant as a tease, but it falls a little short, unsure if she should be encouraging him to stop by at all, considering their last conversation.