and you're waiting to be saved but ain't nobody coming if you're holding on to me you're holding on to nothing
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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did i fall off the face of the earthā¦ā¦ maybe. but im gonna be over here now!
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in this state, heās unsure why his level of intoxication matters so much, not when it was only the truth that had breezed past his lips. a truth that is, sure, admittedly, a lot easier to come after a few drinks over the course of the night, but it held strong, nonetheless. he doesnāt allow himself to think about the alternative, either, that if his night hadnāt panned out in the way it had, he might not have worked up the courage to see her at all. that he wouldāve retreated to his hotel room, each and every night, here, in the same city, yet completely unbeknownst to her. that familiar pang in his chest returns, from the mere thought of it, that their lives are moving in separate directions, rather than intertwined like they once were. itās easy enough to forget, however, when sheās smiling at him like that, when heās watching the shade of crimson spread across her cheeks, causing his heart to stutter in his chest, to skip a beat entirely, as a subtle smile of his own tugs at his features to match. ā only a little, ā he assures her, even though itās clear heās underestimating, based on the glassy look to his eyes, to the series of events heād gotten himself caught up with tonight, now with the injuries to show for it. ā but that doesnāt mean i mean it any less. ā because he was being truthful; something that has failed him, the past few encounters theyād had. he can sense the shift in her, as she turns back around to face him; notices the change of expression on her face, no longer with a smile, or flushed cheeks. it causes him to shift in his chair, for his shoulders to become taut, as that word is thrown aroundā lie. theyād both done their fair share of that, hadnāt they? his shoulders roll into a shrug, as his gaze follows her, taking her in at this angle, even as his eyes narrow in the slightest. ā no? you just lie to me about other things, then? ā and it wasnāt fair, not in the slightest, but it slips out before he can think any more of it, before he can think further about how she looked, opening her front door to him, tonight. that familiar ache in his chest makes a reappearance, remembering how she used to look that way when they were together, when he used to be the one to pull that from her. still, he nods, to say yes, that she looked happy, to say that he missed seeing that from her. the ache deepens, however, at her words, feeling his head drop, as they settle in the air between themā finally. ā finally, ā he echoes, needing to say it aloud, for it to solidify. wants to ask what had changed, since the last time they saw one another, if heād really given her the push to move on, like heād insisted. ā so, whatā youāre like, in love with him now, or something? ā that wasnāt fair of him to ask either, not really, but it slips out regardless, trying to keep his face unreadable as she sits down beside him, tries to ignore the slight tremble in his hands, at the mere thought of it. thereās a lump in his throat, one that he canāt swallow away, angling his head to face her. ā right, yeah⦠no, youāre right. it shouldnāt matter, ā and yet it doesā it always has. ā is that what you wanted me to do, then? get to know him? ā
no matter what theyāve said to each other or how shattered things have become, devon knows she could never turn him away. the worst part of it all was that he didnāt even have to be bloodied or bruisedā he could have appeared on her doorstep dead sober and she still would have opened the door and beckoned him inside. because of course she still cares about him; heās her biggest weakness, a soft spot upon her soul. she can only feel it growing the longer she tends to him, trying not to think about how she can feel his gaze casting over her as she does so. no, she needs to stay focused, to finally learn to stick to some kind of boundary to preserve what remains of her heart, but itās difficult when they know each other so well, when she can so easily be transported back to a time when it was always just the two of them in this kitchen, laughing, talking, caring for one another. itās probably why she reached for him like she did, to calm him, put him at ease like she had so many times before. this was what they did for one another, regardless of the circumstances. itās why her teeth chew at the inside of her cheek at his apology, quickly shaking her head. ā itās okay, reallyā you just canāt sue me if anything gets infected, ā attempts a smile, then, knowing full well she had zero clue what she was doing or if any of it might help, merely operating on pure instinct and a desire to offer him comfort, ease his pain however she could. doesnāt know how well sheās accomplishing that, though, judging by how he winces at her actions, muttering soft apologies under her breath in the aftermath, certain heās going to tell her to stop, or that she shouldnāt be concerned with how much he drank tonight and the size of his pupils. he doesnāt, thoughā what he does say leaves her breathless, giddy, really, a soft smile stretching across her features instantly, followed by the heat of her cheeks as they begin to glow red. she turns away because of it, heading to the sink to wash her hands, hoping to conceal just how it affected her, how weak he makes her, still. ā god, yeah, youāre trashed, ā and she doesnāt know if he actually is or not, nor does it really matter, but itās easier to believe heās only saying it because heās had a few drinks. but it sparks something inside her, suddenly angry that he said it at all, that he still possesses such a hold on her. sheāll tamper it down, though, push it away because it wasnāt fair to take it out on him in such a state. wears a tight expression as she finishes at the sink, turning around to face him once more, moving to lean against the back of the chair next to him. ā why would i say it just to make you feel better ? i wouldnāt lie to you about that, ā okay, maybe the words are tinged with a hint of bitterness, unsure if he might even catch it in his state, but they fall regardless. head falls forward at his comment about how happy she looked opening the door for him last night, brows furrowing with surprise because she doesnāt remember it like that, at all, unable to disguise the slight shock in her voice. ā i did ? ā and she has to stop herself from revealing the truth like she would have previously, letting him in on the secret that no, she wasnāt actually happy at all. sharing all they hid from everyone else with each other was a hallmark of their relationshipā they lost that, though, after what transpired the last time she saw him, when they started lying to one another, as she said that night. ā i was, yeah. or i am, anywayā finally. ā and thatās her lie, one she tells to fletcher and herself, too. ā he hates it, actually, ā she chuckles, now settling in the chair next to him. ā that shouldnāt matter to you, though, right ? i mean, you never really tried to get to know him, did you ? don't know why what he does or doesn't like matters to you now. ā
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thereās a general unease about him, as she settles in front of him, fussing over him in a way that would usually have his cheeks tinting pink, warmth flooding to his features. they donāt, now, maybe because of the whirl of other colours that are littered across his face, or perhaps from the liquor in his bloodstream, acting as a guise, a faux one, that conceals what would be his usual discomfort, his humiliation, over something like this. no, this distress comes from being here, seeing her, in the flesh, rather than the version of her that visits him in dreams each and every night. it comes from this new snippet of her life heās gatheredā her ability to move on without him, just as he asked of her; to construct the pieces back together, after heād shattered any hope that there was still a future here, for them. itās almost too much to face, a deadly combination when itās combined with the adrenaline coursing through his veins, after the night heād just hadā lethal, the way his heart sinks to the pit of his stomach, as his gaze traverses along the space that he once considered his own, too. he canāt look at his surroundings for long, not without pure and utter regret blurring into his vision, which is why he turns it to her, focusing it on the cadence of her voice, as she tells him that heās looked better, in the worry thatās wrapped around each circle. actually, thatās what becomes too much to bear, that look on her face, the care he can sense she still has for him, if sheās doing this for him, now. panic creeps up his throat again, materialising as a thick knot in the base of it, knowing full and well that he didnāt deserve it, her concern, her kindness. not after what heād said to her, what heād done, all in the hope that it would somehow make things easier for them both. god, why the fuck had he come here? she asks the same thing, and yet he doesnāt have an answer. not one that was fair on her, at least. he looks down at the hand that she has rested against his knee, the one thatās reflexively caused the tremble in his leg to stop, that has his own hand flexing, as if to stop himself from reaching out for her further. ā iām sorry, youāre right. i probably shouldnāt have come hereā i know you donāt like blood, ā and yet, she was the only one he wanted to see, the only one that could offer him comfort while he was otherwise spiralling. itās true, and he knows it as soon as her fingers are tilting his head up, rubbing whatever the fuck that was over his cheek that causes him to wince. yet, he doesnāt pull away from her, eyes trained on her as she cleans him up, even with the nagging voice at the back of his head, reminding him that he didnāt deserve any of this. ā i mightāve, ā he agrees, no secret that he did have a few tonight, but his gaze softens, just as it always does when he looks at her. ā but, i donāt knowā think theyāre always like that, when i look at you, ā and itās uttered so casually, like the last few months, the past two years, hasnāt flown past them at all. mouths a silent thank you as she passes him the frozen bag, and he uses it to hold against his cheek, elbow against the table to hold his head up. ā and you know you donāt have to say that just to make me feel better, hm? itās okay if you want to goā i can just go back to my hotel room, or something, ā and he canāt help the next words that slip out, the image of her in his mind. ā you looked happy tonight. when you opened the door, i mean, ā he canāt exactly ignore the pang of sadness that radiates throughout his chest, either, that he wasnāt the root cause of it, anymore. ā and i know, i just⦠ā couldnāt. it was too hard, too painful. ā iām not sure if your boyfriend would like that. not sure he even likes me being here now. ā
itās incredibly difficult to hide just how shocked she is after opening her door to find him there, all battered and bruised. and sheās trying to appear as calm as possible, despite how her hands shake, how her heart races in her chest, anxiety mounting. not only is she surprised that heās turned up here, now in the apartment they once shared, but sheās concerned, too. no matter how heartbroken she is, how much anger and bitterness still lingers inside her chest from the last time they were together, when he urged her to move on, she couldnāt find it within herself to turn him away. itās ingrained in her, she thinks, embedded into every fiber of her beingā she meant it when she said it wasnāt ever going away. not even when she hears the words he mutters, how he hates the other. hey, at least heās being honest now, as opposed to last time. and she knows better than to comment on it, to say anything in return so as not to fuel any additional fires until sheās sufficiently put this one out, first. thatās what sheās trying to do, anyway, attempting to focus on whatever she can do for his wounds, despite her lack of experience, her aversion to blood. itās ever present as she scowls down at the red seeping through the towel, clenching her jaw as she continues to wipe at it carefully. gaze falls momentarily to notice how his leg bounces, acting on impulse as she reaches down to lay her hand atop the one against his knee, attempting to settle him as she has so many times before as she tends to his busted lip. chooses not to think about it too much, disguise it as a casual act to keep him still, but she feels that familiar buzz return to her fingertips within a few seconds of contact. itās then, despite his tease, her grimace deepens, voice a little shakier as she takes him in, fully. ā youāve looked better, ā and she hopes he can sense the concern muddled within those words, if he can tell just how much she loathes seeing him like this, all bloody and bruised, regardless of how they left things previously. pulls away from him, then, to search for the first-aid kit she knows is stashed in the back of one of these drawers, returning moments later to open it up, unsure where to start. itās when he recounts what led him here that her eyes widen, panic striking deep inside her chest, horrified at what he experienced, what someone did to him. ā jesus, miller, ā and sheās speechless, for a moment, her breathing far more sporadic. ā and you came here after that ? you shouldāve called the police, or gone to the hospital, or somethingā iām the shittiest excuse of a nurse. ā and yet heās here, anyway. she canāt exactly read too far into it right now, nor can she just stand here and tell him all he shouldāve done, without at least trying to helpā he was worth all of the fuss. fingers gather beneath his chin, then, tilting his head slightly as she grabs what she thinks might help, some kind of antiseptic, to rub it over a cut on his cheek. ā this might sting, ā she warns, just in case. gaze filters over his features as she finishes, fingers remaining there, tucked beneath his chin for a few moments. ā god, you mustāve had a lot to drinkā your pupils are huge, right now, ā and that concern never fades from her gaze, even as she steps back, to grab a pack of frozen vegetables from the freezer, handing it to him to place against his bruised flesh. ā you didnāt ruin my night, thoughā i didnāt feel like going out with them, anyway. i just⦠you know you didnāt have to get beat up just to stop by and see me, right ? ā itās meant as a tease, but it falls a little short, unsure if she should be encouraging him to stop by at all, considering their last conversation.
#interactions / miller banks.#bluestsdays#i genuinely have no excuse for how bad this is (im just sorry that u have to read it!!)
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