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[betonbennett]

I am... truly sorry to bother you, but I wanted to... clarify something, I suppose.

You haven't gotten back to me after Jonah's explanation, and I... I want to know if you still want to associate yourself with me. This is an utterly selfish wish, but I am worried, and I need a definitive answer from you.

I would understand if you said that my nature disgusts you. I have a similar feeling. It is brutal and crude, and it makes me feel like I am not human at all. You must be able to see it too, right? That I am a bastardization of the man I once was. But perhaps there was always something ugly in me, waiting to be uncovered.

You can dismiss this nonsensical stream of words if you want. But if you have it in yourself to answer – please, end this torture of uncertainty. I shall honour any decision you will come to.

- J.F.

Oh, Jonathan, dear, I am so sorry– I have been considering the best way to address...that topic, but it has been nigh impossible to find the right words.

You do not disgust me, my dear friend, you never could. I doubt there is much you could do that would have such an effect on me– and yes, I do believe my scarce knowledge of those Powers of yours enough for me to make that assumption, you know how dearly I have always loved that sadistic streak of yours. You know I have never been one to turn away from the 'brutal and crude'.

If anything, it is your feelings towards this new nature of yours that worry me. I'm aware I am likely not in a position to give you advice, but please do whatever you must to ensure your health, even if it means harming others. I wish I could be there to help you.

I apologise if my silence has come off as me thinking negatively of you, my darling. I– You are one of my dearest friends, and I find you as lovely after this as I have found you in all the years I have known you for, as much as my misdirected anger may have made it seem otherwise (I should apologise for that as well– I am terribly sorry, my love).

Please, do take care of yourself, in whichever way is necessary. I– I will not be returning for a while yet, but we should have a proper conversation about all of this one day, if you're amiable.

[betonbennett]

You can do better than Bouchard. Please. Please.

I frankly do not believe I can, at present. He has been absolutely wonderful to me in so many ways...

[betonbennett]

I– Oh, I– That is– You flatter me, Mr Bouchard. I am glad to hear you find my company so pleasant.

In exchange for such generosity on your part, may I propose that you pick a dress for me? It is your money being spent after all. Only if that would please you, of course, I wouldn't want to burden you with the choice otherwise.

i think you'd look really cute in a dress

I do, thank you very much! Or so my friends used to say, although it is hard to be sure of how truthful they were being after...recent discoveries.

It would be quite interesting to try on some modern dresses, if I had the money to purchase them. Perhaps I could inquire of Mr. Bouchard whether he would be willing to cover such an expense, if only as a favour, even though he has already helped me so much.

[betonbennett]

Oh, that– that would be so very generous of you, Mr. Bouchard. Are you– Are you sure? You have been so very kind to me in so many aspects already, I would not want to ask too much of you.

i think you'd look really cute in a dress

I do, thank you very much! Or so my friends used to say, although it is hard to be sure of how truthful they were being after...recent discoveries.

It would be quite interesting to try on some modern dresses, if I had the money to purchase them. Perhaps I could inquire of Mr. Bouchard whether he would be willing to cover such an expense, if only as a favour, even though he has already helped me so much.

[betonbennett]

Fuck marry kill? jonathan, jonah and elias

Oh, dear. Although Mr. Bouchard has been so very kind to me as if late, I could never see either of my dear friends dead. Besides, Bouchard is the one who– never mind, it would be dreadfully impolite of me to toss about such accusations in public, especially while staying at his house.

And, well, as for whom I would prefer to marry– I doubt there is a chance of choosing between my dearest friends. Quite a shame I can't marry them both.

[betonbennett]

i think you'd look really cute in a dress

I do, thank you very much! Or so my friends used to say, although it is hard to be sure of how truthful they were being after...recent discoveries.

It would be quite interesting to try on some modern dresses, if I had the money to purchase them. Perhaps I could inquire of Mr. Bouchard whether he would be willing to cover such an expense, if only as a favour, even though he has already helped me so much.

[betonbennett]

mr bennett i didn't know you had a sadistic streak like that. are you free for dinner next Sunday perhaps

I...I find it quite surprising, and frankly rather rude, of you to invite somebody to dinner without even introducing yourself beforehand. However, it does spark my curiosity , and I am finding myself in need of a distraction.

Yes, I suppose I am free on Sunday.

[betonbennett]

My dearest Barnabas,

I... shan't write you again after this, I swear. But just this once, I hope, is forgivable, given your interest in seeing me... opened up.

You ask Jonathan why he considers such a thing necessary. I... it is not, in fact, truly about me. It is about him. I thought you deserved answers, and—I do not know if he will be so willing to explain, given that this is something generally ill-advised to speak of so openly.

It is necessary because he has come into service of one of the Powers. I am not altogether very familiar with his god, but I believe It to be known as the Flesh—among other things, I am sure. And when one serves a Power, there is... a price, specially when one is as far along that path as he.

That price is, of course, fear.

If you do not provoke fear in others, do not take it into yourself... well, the fear is as sustenance, to an acolyte. And Jonathan has been starving for it.

As for myself, if you were curious, I am not nearly so far devoted as to need something brutal to feed my god. Creating a feeling of uneasiness, of being watched, is just barely enough, for now. I suspect it will not remain so for long, though.

My—my apologies for writing you, Barnabas. I shall not breach your command again. But I thought you deserved the truth of the matter, or as close to definite truth as these things get, put as plainly as I can.

I'm sorry.

Yours, as always,

Jonah

Lord, I have missed your writing.

By Jove, have any of my friends not 'come into service' of these damned Powers? I truly believed Jonathan, at the very least, to be clever enough to see they brought nothing but danger, but it appears I was wrong in that regard as well. God, do I even know my friends? Oh well, I suppose he is free to do as he wishes– You all are.

Perhaps I am overdue for some research.

...Thank you for sharing this information with me, Jonah, I do appreciate it, and I am not angry (angrier) at you for writing to me. I wish I could simply return home and converse with you two about all of this, this distance and distrust is torture.

...Take care, of yourself and of Jonathan both. It would kill me if anything were to happen to either of you.

[betonbennett]

didn't you like. invite John Amherst to dinner. i feel like maybe you need to be there for that

That is true...perhaps I should invite him to dine only with myself some day. I might even invite Mr. Bouchard to join us as well.

Not now, however, as I am not in the mood to see anybody at this particular moment.

[betonbennett]

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Oh, my, that is quite a lot of flavours. I– I shall think about it and contact you when I have made a decision. If– If there is any way of contacting you at all?

[betonbennett]

I...I must admit it is more extreme than what I have been imagining, although I do find the idea rather exciting.

However, I can't help but feel slightly concerned that you have come to find such a thing necessary. Has he done anything else in the time I have been gone?

I shall not ask you to return, as I understand you desire for solitude at this time. I only hope it shall bring you the relief you crave.

But please, stay safe. As much as it is possible, at least. It is cold at night, so if you are unable to find shelter by the nightfall – dress warmer. I don't know if you will accept my help, but if you do need anything from home, I can give it to you through one of our mutual acquaintances. I shall keep your plants watered, so don't worry about that.

...I- care for you, Barnabas. And I am worried. Please, just... Please.

– J.F.

...I am sorry, Jonathan. I am sorry you have to find yourself in a situation like this, and more so for disregarding your advice about Jonah. You did warn me, and you were right. I was a fool.

Thank you for...caring for me, and for tending to my plants. I suppose they're yours to do as you please with, now. Well, all of them but the carnations– gift those to Jonah.

[betonbennett]

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(i dont know if i have already sent this my memory just doesnt sometimrs IM SO SORR)

Hm. Perhaps I could do with something to help me stop thinking. Which flavours are you able to produce?

(you did send it but I haven't been able to get back to it so it's on me sorry!!)

[betonbennett]

Open him up? You– You want to vivisect him?

I– I am not sure whether this is some sort of joke, but...it does sound like he would make a rather pretty sight.

I...might be able to arrange my return, if only to contribute to this...experiment of yours. It does sound quite interesting. I can't help but imagine how our darling Jonah might look or sound while in such a state. I cannot make any promises, however.

I shall not ask you to return, as I understand you desire for solitude at this time. I only hope it shall bring you the relief you crave.

But please, stay safe. As much as it is possible, at least. It is cold at night, so if you are unable to find shelter by the nightfall – dress warmer. I don't know if you will accept my help, but if you do need anything from home, I can give it to you through one of our mutual acquaintances. I shall keep your plants watered, so don't worry about that.

...I- care for you, Barnabas. And I am worried. Please, just... Please.

– J.F.

...I am sorry, Jonathan. I am sorry you have to find yourself in a situation like this, and more so for disregarding your advice about Jonah. You did warn me, and you were right. I was a fool.

Thank you for...caring for me, and for tending to my plants. I suppose they're yours to do as you please with, now. Well, all of them but the carnations– gift those to Jonah.

[betonbennett]

Why yes, one could say I'm rather displeased with him.

What kind of agony are you to put him through? What exactly are you planning to do to him? I am quite excited to hear your ideas in detail, you have always had such a...fascinating mind, Doctor.

I shall not ask you to return, as I understand you desire for solitude at this time. I only hope it shall bring you the relief you crave.

But please, stay safe. As much as it is possible, at least. It is cold at night, so if you are unable to find shelter by the nightfall – dress warmer. I don't know if you will accept my help, but if you do need anything from home, I can give it to you through one of our mutual acquaintances. I shall keep your plants watered, so don't worry about that.

...I- care for you, Barnabas. And I am worried. Please, just... Please.

– J.F.

...I am sorry, Jonathan. I am sorry you have to find yourself in a situation like this, and more so for disregarding your advice about Jonah. You did warn me, and you were right. I was a fool.

Thank you for...caring for me, and for tending to my plants. I suppose they're yours to do as you please with, now. Well, all of them but the carnations– gift those to Jonah.

[betonbennett]

A show? Better than the one you have been putting on here? My, Jonathan, just how pitiful can you make yourself for me?

I doubt there is much that could convince me to return, but do feel free to elaborate.

I shall not ask you to return, as I understand you desire for solitude at this time. I only hope it shall bring you the relief you crave.

But please, stay safe. As much as it is possible, at least. It is cold at night, so if you are unable to find shelter by the nightfall – dress warmer. I don't know if you will accept my help, but if you do need anything from home, I can give it to you through one of our mutual acquaintances. I shall keep your plants watered, so don't worry about that.

...I- care for you, Barnabas. And I am worried. Please, just... Please.

– J.F.

...I am sorry, Jonathan. I am sorry you have to find yourself in a situation like this, and more so for disregarding your advice about Jonah. You did warn me, and you were right. I was a fool.

Thank you for...caring for me, and for tending to my plants. I suppose they're yours to do as you please with, now. Well, all of them but the carnations– gift those to Jonah.

[betonbennett]

You would love that, would you not, Doctor? But no, you are far too lovely like this for me to interrupt.

I shall not ask you to return, as I understand you desire for solitude at this time. I only hope it shall bring you the relief you crave.

But please, stay safe. As much as it is possible, at least. It is cold at night, so if you are unable to find shelter by the nightfall – dress warmer. I don't know if you will accept my help, but if you do need anything from home, I can give it to you through one of our mutual acquaintances. I shall keep your plants watered, so don't worry about that.

...I- care for you, Barnabas. And I am worried. Please, just... Please.

– J.F.

...I am sorry, Jonathan. I am sorry you have to find yourself in a situation like this, and more so for disregarding your advice about Jonah. You did warn me, and you were right. I was a fool.

Thank you for...caring for me, and for tending to my plants. I suppose they're yours to do as you please with, now. Well, all of them but the carnations– gift those to Jonah.

[betonbennett]

happy pride month Mr Bennett <3 you should keep being mean to your ex(???) boyfriends

Thank you, Anonymous! Happy pride month to you as well, if you do celebrate.

And you are absolutely correct, I should keep being mean to them, as much as I wish I could simply return home and pretend all recent events have been but an awful nightmare.