betrayedvirtue

[betrayedvirtue]

HERO COMPLEX w/@VisionaryFury

[[ As a therapist I had to worry about what it would mean for me to cooperate with the FBI and my promise of confidentiality to my patients. They claim what I’m doing won’t affect my ability to practice. I imagined wearing a wire taped to my body or a cheesy looking pin with a camera on it pinned to my shirt but no. The FBI are far more advanced than that. They have taken advantage of the fact that I wear glasses and have a camera installed in them. They will be able to see and hear everything I see and hear. No one will suspect a thing.

All I have to do is not fuck up by acting like something is up. After all soon they will have enough evidence to take down Zen and I’ll play a role in that. I have to give myself a pep talk when I enter Birch Miriam and head to my office. I don’t have any sessions this morning so I spend my time checking up on Annisa and her progress. It doesn’t take long for me to find out she is back to her old ways of kicking ass. At least that is the story I’m told. I don’t like the therapist she’s been paired up with. They were paired in the past and it was a disaster. How is this time going to be any different?

I also hear that Annisa is in solitaire again. The orderlies are making jokes about how #Zen isn’t playing around with her anymore. She’s going to get what’s coming to her. I have to play it cool. If I act as if what they say is bothering me then they won’t talk around me anymore. I leave the idiots to do whatever dirty work they plan to do and I headed off toward the wing where I know Annia must be. Even though I know she won’t want to talk to me I feel the need to check on her. I don’t like how the orderlies were talking. I’m worried for her safety now.]]

Annisa: I don’t know how long it’s been since I first woke up in solitary. I’m going to guess at least 20 hours? There’s no windows in here and they’ve only been by to bring me food three times, lunch, dinner, then breakfast. I didn’t eat. The bruises on my stomach have bruises and I’m pretty sure there’s something seriously wrong with my insides at the moment, but I’m not giving that fuckhead the satisfaction of complaining. Of course, I know that only means that he’s going to try harder, next time. But, this will become a game of wills, a game that I will win. Zen and I have played this game before, and he has never won, and he hates me all the more because of it.

As I brush my teeth in the steel sink in the corner, there is still blood pooling in my mouth. I don’t know if it’s because of the tooth that got knocked loose, or the split lip that won’t seem to close up. Either way, it’s just another tick on my long list of things that I’ve been piling up against those two goons.

Solitary sucks! I will say that. From the fact that there are no windows to the outside, to the fact that the toilet is out in the open, for anyone that wants to poke their head through the window in the door and watch. Yes, that’s right, I’m like a monkey in a cage, set here specifically for your amusement.

Mike: [[ I have access to any area of the facility. I may have pissed off #Zen but he hasn’t stopped trusting me. According to him I’m still too new to handle someone like Annisa. I don’t understand what it means to break their will. In time according to him I’ll learn. So when the time is right I’ll get the opportunity to prove myself. Not sure what that means but I hope we are shut down by then. I take my time walking to where Annisa is being kept. I can’t look as if I’m anxious to see her. I use my badge to let myself into the solitary confinement areas. There is a guard stationed there watching cameras and monitoring who is coming and going. He barely glances up at me. I guess whatever he’s doing on his phone is more important. I can see on the dry erase board what room she’s been placed in. That is where I find myself going. Last time I saw Annisa in one of these rooms she was strapped down and messed up pretty bad. I wonder what I’ll find this time?

I don’t have long to wonder. Again I use my badge to unlock the door and take a breath before I enter the room. What if she’s not tied down? The moment she sees me Annisa could attack. It’s not as if our last encounter was a good one. She’s standing by the sink and I close the door behind me. I blink a few times as I take in her appearance. At least her face. It’s all swollen and her lip is busted up bad. There is even blood matted up in her hair.|| “Fuck...what did they do to you?!? ]]

Annisa: I don’t bother to turn around when I hear the door first open. Whoever it is, is really stupid for coming into my room without making me aware of them first. Even the two goons know enough to make me sit on my bed first. Then I hear his voice. Mike. Of course it’s him. I can feel the vein in my neck begin to pulsate a little harder as the ire burns through my blood. Another asshole that I refuse to give any satisfaction to. Only this one somehow pushes my buttons. No matter what I do, he still has some effect on me and that pisses me off to no end. I can feel his eyes boring into me from the side, still not giving in…

Gritting my teeth together, I kick up my chin, fold my arms against my chest, and turn to face him. I won’t give him an answer. It’s plain to see what they did to me. They haven’t even let me take a shower yet, so the dried up blood all over my clothes, face, and hair tells the whole story. I give him a minute to take everything in, then I turn back to the sink and finish washing up.

Mike: [[ “ Fuck, fuck, fuck! I knew this would happen. What are they trying to do? Kill you now?” || I have come to terms with the fact I have feelings for Annisa that go past her being a patient and me a therapist. I care for her and her wellbeing. I made things worse for her when all I tried to do is help. I feel helpless because there is no way I can protect her and the evidence is staring me in the face. I take a few steps toward her as I look her over from head to toe. From what I can tell by the look she gave me at least in this moment Annisa isn’t drugged but damn...no one deserves what it’s clear they are doing to her. I get close enough to watch her from the side. I need to know who did this and when. I have the FBI watching. This is evidence that can get this place shut down.|| “ I know you are upset with me. I know you hate me and don’t trust me but I need for you to tell me who did this...it’s the only way I’ll be able to stop it from happening again.”]]

Annisa: Seriously? He thinks he can do anything to stop this. No… he doesn’t have a hero complex, at all! Once again, I ignore the question and dunk my head under the stream of water as far as I can manage it. I’ve been trying to get this blood out since I woke up, but the faucet is only about an inch out from the wall and I’ve been doing a piss poor job at it. Not to mention, hand soap isn’t the best thing for your hair, but it’s all I’ve been given.

Lifting my head out of the stream of water, I give it a little shake and reach past Mike for the small hand towel that I’ve been allotted to clean up with. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to get out some of the tangles, but that’s pretty much a lost cause. Between the blood, not having a shower, let alone conditioner, I’m fighting a losing battle. So, I wrap the towel over my head and give my hair a good scratch through it, trying to sop up as much of the water as possible before walking over the the bed and plopping down. I try not to make Mike aware of the wince as I land, but the pain is still shooting all through my body.

Mike: [[ I’m not surprised Annisa isn’t speaking to me. It’s one of the things she has control over. No matter what no one can force her to talk. I watch her attempt to wash her hair in the sink and then proceed to try and dry it. A frown crosses my features the moment I see her wince as she sits down. Last time this happened I recall Annisa having bruises all over her back. Chances are if I ask her to show  me where else she’s hurt Annisa won’t. I figure it’s worth a try.|| “ I have a feeling what I see of your face and head isn’t the worst of your injuries. Could I see where else you have been injured. I can tell you are trying to hide the fact you are in pain.

I need to know if you need medical attention or not. If you have internal injuries it can be serious.” ]]

Annisa: Abruptly, I stood up and marched over to Mike and got right in his face. “Now you care?! Now?! What about when you decided to bring that monster into this hospital and put everyone’s lives in danger?! Huh? What about then?!” I was so furious, I was practically spitting in his face. “The fucking nerve you have! If you cared as much as you say you do, you never would have brought that beast into this place and locked her inside with everyone else. We are all lucky that no one got hurt, or worse, killed! Do you have any idea what they are capable of?”

Turning around, I began to pace. When I realized that he was about to cut me off, I lifted the front of my shirt and winced again, as I showed off the purple and black bruises all over my stomach. That stopped him in his tracks. “You see this?!” I pointed to my stomach. “I would rather deal with this, ten times a day for the rest of my life than see that thing back inside these walls!” He was un-fucking-believable! How dare he pretend to care after everything he’s done.

Mike: [[  won’t lie, Annisa’s sudden outburst takes me off guard at first. She went from complete silence to lashing out at me verbally. Something that I take note of though she doesn’t attempt to attack me. She is yelling at me but it’s not a bunch of bullshit. She is speaking from her heart. Even though she may not realize it, expressing all this to me indicates there is still a level of trust there she may not know she has with me. The problem is we are being watched by the feds. I can’t go along with what she is saying or it could put Leah and the others in danger. So I open my mouth to try and stop her from talking but she silences me cold after lifting her shirt and showing me her injuries.

The fact Annisa is standing on her own and not curled up in pain begging for help is shocking. I know that isn’t Annisa’s style though. Like she said she’d rather suffer through the pain than see Leah again. I’ll forever live with that mistake. There is no point in apologizing and besides at the moment I can’t not with the FBI watching my every move in this place.

Tossing self preservation out the window I close the distance between Annisa and myself. I am no doctor but I have had broken a few ribs in the past from a river rafting accident. I reach out and  gently touch the side of Annisa’s stomach and watch as she involuntarily winces from the pain.|| “ Go ahead and be upset with me all you want Annisa. I disappointed you and because of my mistakes this is where you ended up. I have no intention of doing anything that will jeopardize you or anyone else in this place. My objective is to shut down Zen so nothing like this can happen to you again.”

||The feds can see this. Right now they have to be coming up with a plan to get these people out of here. If something isn’t done Annisa is going to die in this place. She won’t stop acting out and Zen will keep hurting her to prove a point until she is dead. The violence is escalating.|| “I think you have some broken ribs. I’m going to have you taken to the medical unit immediately. Then I’m going to have a talk with those orderlies that did this to you.”]]

Annisa: As Mike takes steps to approach me, I seriously begin to ponder whether or not I should lay him flat out on the floor. Not like he wouldn’t deserve it for everything he’s done to me. But, my curiosity gets the best of me and I want to see where he thinks he’s going with this. The guilt shown in his eyes was something I wasn’t expecting… and it begins to piss me off. Was he trying to make me think he actually cared?! I knew better. He was trying to use me, the unbreakable patient, to rocket his career, nothing more. Well, he fucking broke me, three times at that! Once in front of the whole group, a second time when he locked me in his office with that fucking thing, and the third and final time when I decided I no longer wanted him to be my therapist. He should be so proud! I’m surprised he’s not walking around this place with a goddamn medal! I’m sure Zen is thrilled with him.

Turning my head away, I gritted my teeth and sucked in a breath as he reached out and touched my stomach. I didn’t want him to see the pain in my eyes. He had won too much over me already. His hand was cold, and the pain was real as his fingers gently palpated along my ribs. This sensation of touch I hadn’t experienced in a very long time and I closed my eyes, trying to push the feelings that were washing over me aside. Sure, I have been poked and prodded by doctors in this place before, and of course I’ve had many beatings over the years, but a soft, gentle touch… I don’t remember the last time someone touched me like that. My mother… maybe… when I was little? Before I grew up and became something unseemly to her? I could feel tears building and that was the last thing I wanted to show in front of Mike. So, aggressively, I tossed his hand aside. “Battle scars. That’s all. I’m fine.” Brushing my shirt back down, I turned away from him and tried to quietly wipe my eyes.

Mike: [[ t’s bad enough Annisa has been locked up in this place for the wrong reasons. Right after the attack she should have been treated for PTSD and maybe by now she would be living a normal life but because she saw something that to most is impossible she was locked away and misdiagnosed as someone who suffered from delusions and hallucinations. To top it off, the man who runs this place is a sadistic bastard who gets off on torturing the patients and because Annisa is strong willed he made it his goal to teach her a lesson for being brave enough to stand up to him and his maltreatment of her and everyone else in this place.

After all Annisa has been through she still thinks about the safety of everyone in this place not just her and even though she’s been beaten and treated unjustly she never falters in courage. In this moment I fucking hate myself for fucking up and setting her back to the point she isn’t able to trust me anymore. I take a step back from Annisa when she pushes my hand away. The fact she let me touch her at all is a miracle. I feel a righteous indignation at her proclamation of having battle scars. Those are something to be proud of. What she has endured isn’t. This time I start pacing and shake my head. || “ No!, don’t you dare accept that this war you have been apart of is okay and you got though it. It shouldn’t have fucking happened! If it wouldn’t backfire and cause you more grief I’d go to #Zen right now and beat the shit out of him so he can see how it feels!

This will not be your normal anymore. I’m taking you to the medical station and I’m staying with you until you are treated. Then I’m taking you back to your room and will stay until I am comfortable you’ll be left alone.” || My thought process is once I leave this place I’m heading straight to the feds and demanding they either arrest Zen now or find a way to get Annisa out of here.]]

Annisa: Mike’s footfalls behind me are like a caged mountain lion, and I am startled to hear his voice raised. It’s not often that something riles him up good. ‘...got through it…’ Got through it?! I think to myself. Whipping around I’m about to start in when I realize where he’s going with this, a proclamation about going to Zen and beating the shit out of him. That’s when I realize we’ve just come full circle. Here we go again, it’s time for Mike’s God complex to make an appearance. I let him rant as I watch his brows furrow and his tongue wag. Where the hell did he ever come up with the idea that he could save the world? Not to mention, he had the most fucked up way of showing it. Let’s bring a fucking monstrosity of a wolf, that kills people, into an insane asylum, full of what? Crazy people! Maybe, he has it right? Do away with all the deranged people.

As soon as he’s finished, I pipe up, “First of all: I have gotten through absolutely nothing! There has been no light at the end of this tunnel! I’ve not made it to ‘the end!’ This is my life! A life that is basically an endless string of days of this…” I pull up my shirt one more time to remind him of what I go through on the daily. “There is no war that I’ve made it through. It’s never ending, one battle after the next. It’s never coming to an end. It’s just one day at a time, in here. You have the luxury of going home at the end of the day, and deciding if you want to come back. I have no such luxury. I have no choices in here. Everything in my life just happens to me.” This was not the direction I was intending on going, but I wasn’t able to stop myself. It all just rambled out of my mouth without me being able to stop it, much like my life.

“Second off: maybe, just maybe, you ought to stop trying to save the world? You’ve done a fucking bang-up job of it, so far.” The stare I shot at him was piercing, but I wanted to get my point across. He hadn’t done anyone any favors, and I was positive he was only going to end up making everything worse, again.

Mike: [[ I built Annisa up only to destroy her first glimpse of hope when I brought Leah into the facility. Trying to convince her now things are different and I can keep my word would be a waste of time. That isn’t what she needs from me right now. Action is what is needed and I can do that when I talk to the feds.||

“What’s so strange about all of this is growing up I was on the self centered side. I didn’t put others before myself. That is until my uncle died and it changed my whole perspective on life. I got into this field to help people and so far you are  right I only made matters worse for you. It doesn’t mean I plan on letting this be it. I meant what I said about what’s happening today. I’m taking you to medical and making sure you are taken care of.” ]]

Annisa: A smug grin creeps across my features and I shake my head, letting a soft chuckle fall from my lips. Once again, this is all about him, his journey, who he used to be, and who he thinks he is now. “Fine. Take me down to medical. You can’t sit with me long enough to make sure I’m left alone. Sooner or later, you’ll need to go home, back to your life, and what do you think they’ll do to me after you sit guard? You think that will strike fear in the very core of their beings?” I feign a shiver. “Or, do you think it’s more likely that they will punish me even more for allowing you to see how badly I was hurt in the first place?” I let that thought sink in. “You haven’t been here long enough to know how these things work. You think you’ve seen it all. You’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg. I’d be better off if you just turned your ass around and walked out of here, right now.”

I turn and walk back to my bed. Carefully, I lie back down and wait for reason to sink in. Mike knows that I’m right. He can’t fix this shit. It’s too broken. I know he’s smarter than that. Then again, he did lock that fucking beast in here, with us. That wasn’t the brightest thing he’s ever done. Maybe, I give him too much credit? Maybe, he really still is just that dumb, self-centered guy that never figured out that life isn’t going to be given to him, just because he asked.

Mike: [[ As much as I hate to admit it Annisa is right. If I take her to medical then attempt to stay with her to keep her safe that will raise all sorts of flags and put Annisa in more danger. The last thing I need is for #Zen or anyone here thinking I actually care about Annisa’s wellbeing. I don’t need to get myself kicked out of here. Rubbing the back of my neck with my hand I stare at Annisa feeling like shit that I’ll have  to leave her here. Now that they have beaten her chances are Annisa should be left alone long enough for me to seek help and get Annisa out of here.

Again, self preservation is out the window as I approach Annisa’s bed. I look down at her taking in her broken appearance. She’s strong but little by little this place is dimming the fire in her eyes. I plan to get her out of here before it’s extinguished completely.|| “ You are right. Playing guard duty would only make your life worse. I will leave you alone. Doesn’t mean I won’t be around doing what I can to keep this from happening to you again.” || I can’t just up and leave, I’ll have to finish my shift but the moment it’s time for me to go home I’m going directly to see Agent Juarez to have this place shut down or at the very least Annisa taken out of here.]]

Annisa: “Yeah, yeah, yeah… ever the hero, you are.” I gave Mike a quick roll of the eyes and shake of the head. Seriously, one of these days this guy’s hero complex is going to get him hurt. I’m surprised it hasn’t already. When it does, he won’t be able to say I didn’t tell him so. At least he’s finally beginning to see some of the reality to the situation. This is my life. Nothing he does is going to make it better. Why does he think I started getting violent back? For shits and giggles? I may get a little creative when trying to find things to do in here, but I’m not a violent person by nature. That part of me came from nurture. The nurturing of many nights just like this past one, spitting blood into a steel sink in the corner of a 6 x 8 cell in solitary.

As soon as I rolled over on my side, I thankfully heard his footsteps move toward the door. I was hurting and hungry and tired of trying to hide it all. I just wanted to be left alone for a while and given some much needed time to heal.

#HeroComplex

[betrayedvirtue]

THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE INSTITUTION

It hadn’t even been a day since I saw Mike when Curly and Moe came to my room with a syringe and a straightjacket. This was not going to be a fun day. I had told Mike the day before that I wanted a new therapist. Well, Curly and Moe were here to see that I get one, in conjunction with a brand new high and restraints. Back to square one. I got in a few good kicks and punches in before I ended up getting a backhand to the temple, followed by a few more knocks to the side of my head, and a kick to the gut while I was down on the floor recovering from said knocks to the head. Yup, right back to where we all started, me refusing to submit, the two goons enjoying their added exercise. What the hell, they needed it.

That’s when I felt the needle go into the side of my neck, jammed extra hard for emphasis that they had the upper-hand. I turned and spit in Moe’s face. As I felt the cool liquid flow through my body, I could feel the effects of the drug washing over me. Shit! Are these two goons idiots? Stupid question. Yes, they were. But, it sure felt as if they were giving me a double-dose of meds, right then. Were they trying to kill me with an overdose?

The whole room began to spin, or was that them twisting me around, trying to get me into the monkey-suit? I couldn’t quite tell. It could’ve been either. Suddenly, everything began to get that far away feel to it. It was as if everything was happening to someone else and I was just watching it all from this tiny bubble inside. Does that make sense? Probably not. Oh, well. I don’t know how else to describe it. It was as if I were inside this tiny, little bubble, floating in the middle of my body and everything was a faraway echo of what was happening. That, and it was happening in super slow-motion. I felt absolutely nothing!

Then things got really blurry. It was as if the far away feeling wasn’t enough, like I wasn’t feeling drugged enough. Things started to get hazy. I started to realize that this drug induced trip was just the beginning. These drugs were far from taking full effect, yet.

The haze turned into exhaustion and as much as I fought, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Next thing I knew, I was waking up chained to a bed in solitary, covered in dry blood and in pain from head to toe.

#ThingsThatGoBumpInTheInstitution

[betrayedvirtue]

TAKE YOUR EXCUSES AND STICK THEM UP YOUR... w/@VisionaryFury

Annisa:

It had been about a week since word of Leah’s escape had spread. I wasn’t quite sure what brought that on, but I certainly wasn’t complaining. I could rest so much easier now, knowing that I wasn’t going to have to room with a monster. Then again, I wouldn’t have allowed it. I don’t know how I would have gotten out of it, jumped off the roof if I had to, but it never would have happened. I would have bitten off someone’s ear to end up in solitary. Something, I definitely would have done something to make sure that she and I never ended up in a room together again.

Now, I didn’t have to worry about it. If she escaped, it was because she wanted out. She wasn’t coming back… and if she did, I would cut a bitch to make sure they kept me alone. More than likely, that bitch would be Mike. He was on the very top of my ever growing shit list. Although, he was miles above anyone else. The crap that he pulled by setting me up to be in the same room as one of those beasts… I don’t even know what he was possibly thinking. I was about to find out, though. I wasn’t waiting for another one of our appointments. I had insisted on a meeting with him sooner. I was tired of being left in the dark. There was more happening than he was telling me and Leah’s breakout was proof of that.

Mike:[[ The turn of events with #Zen and how all hell is about to break loose has me on edge. I’m not sleeping very well or eating much. I can’t seem to calm my brain down long enough to exhale. Zen was pissed off Leah escaped. How it happened had everyone mind boggled. She fucking ripped off the bars. At least I know that is what she did. Everyone else is reasoning she somehow smuggled in a tool to help her rip the bars from the window. Just like no one wants to take into consideration the fact she jumped from the second story and managed to run off into the woods which are all that close without anyone detecting her.

Anytime someone has tried to escape this place they always got caught but somehow she managed to get away. It’s like Leah said to me before people want to see what they want to see anything that isn’t the norm they tend to ignore even in a place like this. What has me concerned right now is that after all this time now Annisa wants to speak with me. Not in my office but in her room. For all I know she has a shank in there and plans on slitting my throat once I cross the threshold. If the situation wasn’t so serious it will be funny that I find myself hesitant to be alone in the room with her. I won’t admit it to anyone but there is an attraction there but if she knew about it she would either exploit it or try to dig my eyes out because of it. I’m not stupid enough to let it show.I decide to get this meeting over with and hopefully it won’t end with her being carted off in a straight jacket to a padded room.]]

Annisa:

My whole situation had me furious. Not only had I let Mike give me hope that things were actually going to change for me, but I was beginning to change. I had hope in my life for the first time in so many years that I had forgotten how much of a drug it really could be. I had begun to believe in life -outside- of this horrid place. Life didn’t seem so dreary and never ending, anymore. I didn’t spend my time thinking about what stupid stunt I was going to pull next, but more about how I was finally going to be able to change the world, make an impact in the lives of others. My life had started to make sense. Someone finally not only believed what I had to say, but he actually believed in me. It had been life changing. That was before I realized that he didn’t believe in me, at all. All it was, was one more person in a long line of people that made me believe what they wanted me to, just so they could get what they wanted. Mike, he was just like all the rest. He wanted to crack the uncrackable patient. He wanted to know that he could put the victim and the beast in the same room and still come out on top. Well, he underestimated me completely! I am not a victim. I am a survivor… a survivor with some obvious PTSD, but a survivor, nonetheless. I was not going to sit back and let him manipulate me within his story. I had my own story to tell and he was not going to be the hero in it. He was just another shrewd therapist that used his patients to spin his own career into gold. At this point, I was tossing out all the promises he had made to me in the past. As far as I was concerned they were all lies. Lies he used to get ahead in his life. Well, as they all say, the buck stops here. I’m done making him look like some kind of white hat, doing everything he said because he would make sure that I gained in the end, too. Where the fuck was my gain, huh? My gain had turned out to be rooming with a monster and not being able to tell the world my story. It was high time I got something out of all this.

Mike: [[ I’m distracted during my walk to Annisa’s room. Annisa isn’t my only problem right now. #Zen is pissed off that Leah got away. He was looking forward to the fall out that would have occurred if I managed to get Annisa and Leah in the same room together. The one thing that can’t happen right now is Zen firing me me. If I’m not here there will be no one to protect these people at all. I’m not sure how long it will take before the law cracks down on #Zen but until it happens I have to keep him thinking I’m still one of his minions in training. I have a meeting with #Zen in the morning to talk about the Leah problem. I already have an idea played out in my mind how that conversation will go. Half the shit I’ll have to say will be so unethical it will make my stomach turn but it’s the only way to keep #Zen off my ass.

Before I realize it I’m standing in front of Annisa’s door. There are two orderlies there prepared to open the door for me. It’s protocol when a staff enters a patient’s room someone remains in the hallway. It’s for both my protection and the patients. I know for a fact it’s not common for anyone to actually go by that rule. Zen doesn’t and it’s common knowledge. So I do what all the others do and I slip a few bills in the orderle’s hand so he’ll disappear for a while. I do not need him overhearing anything I have to say. Once the door is unlocked, I enter the room. Gone is the girl that started to smile when she saw me with a renewed look of hope in her eyes. In its place is contempt and anger.

I close the door behind me and push my hands into my pockets as I speak. || “ Hello Annisa, you requested to see me?” ]]

Annisa:

The look on his face is that of guilt, false guilt, as if he already knows what I’m getting ready to say, he’s played it out in his head, and knows exactly how he’s going to react in order to get me to trust him again. At this moment in time, I’m trying to figure out how I ever could have trusted him, in the first place. I can’t hold it in one moment longer. “You are the worst kind of shit, you know that?!” I spit out, pointing my finger in the air at him. “You are the type of guy that goes out of his way to make people feel good about themselves, just to pull the rug out from under them.” I begin to pace around him. “You are the type of guy that makes himself out to be the hero in everyone’s story, when in all actuality, you are the villain.” I hold up my hand, palm facing him, to quiet him before he tries to defend himself. “You are the type of guy that makes people believe in you, only to let them down in the end,” I stop in front of him and stare him in the eyes, daring him to tell me I’m wrong, “and that makes you the worst kind of shit in the world.”

I waited, wanting to hear him argue with me, tell me I was wrong. It would only prove to me that I was right. He had done to me everything I had just accused him of and to deny it, would only make him look more guilty in my eyes. “Bring it!” My features screamed, as I stood fiercely awaiting his reply.

Mike: [[ Honestly, I expected Annisa to either stare me down and say nothing or physically attack me. I didn’t expect her to be so candidly honest with me about what she thought of me. It shows even though I did something that could have set her back in a way that was unrepairable she was strong enough to work through it. Not that I plan on saying anything like that to Annisa today. She won’t want to hear it. I fucked up and no matter how good my intentions were I made the wrong move. I underestimated how damaged Annisa actually was and she suffered for it. My eyes gaze over Annisa and I ponder how to respond to what she’s accusing me of. Her wall is up but in a different way from when I first met her. She’s saying fuck you but I’m still in her inner circle or she would have just shut me out completely. || “ You are right Annisa. I did let you down. I failed you as a therapist. Not in the way you may think though. My desire to help you overrode my good judgement. I should have known better than to think you could handle Leah being in this building. Honestly, this whole supernatural thing got me in over my head. I should have listened to you. My actions were no better than Zen’s and I hate myself for that. Leah is gone I’m sure you have heard. You’ll never have to worry about seeing her again. I don’t expect you to forgive me or trust me after the mistakes I made but I’ll say it anyway. Everything I did was to help you and the other patients in here. I just didn’t use good judgement and because of that you suffered. I hate myself for doing that to you.” || I walk past Annisa and sit in a nearby chair, she looks as if she’s going to erupt so I’m guessing she has more yelling to do at me. I’ll let her purge, it’s the least I can do after scaring her almost to death with my bad ideas.]]

Annisa:

“Pffft!” Escaped my lips as I listened more intently than I wanted to, to his response. I already knew I was right. I didn’t need him to say so. Not to mention that he was proving my point. He thought he was the fucking hero of my life… oh, and lets not forget, the whole rest of the patients in this insane asylum. Who did he think he was? “Do you really think you can save the world? Do you really think that by bringing that vicious beast into this building you were going to rescue every single one of the patients in this place?” I shook my head. He made no sense. “All you did was put every single human being in this place in danger, including the people that work here.” I chuckled low to myself, thinking back on his words. “There’s one thing you are right about. You are no better than Zen! Actually, you are worse than Zen. At least with Zen, you know exactly what you are getting. He puts out no front. He is what he is.” I pause for a minute for emphasis. “You… you really do think you are the hero here. You make people believe you, then you shit all over them. Let me let you in on a secret. You are not the hero. You’re a phony and a liar.” Crossing my arms across my chest, I felt completely validated for every word I spoke, and he needed to hear it. “Oh, and one more thing, I want a new therapist.”

Mike:  [[ I rub my hands over my face and sigh. I’m okay with Annisa hating me, that is expected but to want a new therapist? She has no idea what she’s asking for. Then again it doesn’t  matter. All of this will be over soon and she would end up with a new therapist anyway.|| “ If you want a new therapist that is your right, Annisa. As I stated before, I screwed up big time. You aren’t saying anything that I haven’t thought of myself. You may see it as a hero complex but the fact of the matter is I took my job seriously. I care about the people in this place. The crap going on here is wrong and all of you deserve justice. I was overzealous and moved hastily. Some of it I can blame on my inexperience. You are my first case. Not any usual case either. I thought I was getting a patient who was delusional. The joke was on me. Every damn thing you claimed happened did. I got to see the proof for myself.

I never lied to you Annisa. What you see is what you get. I care too damn much and it made me foolish. You can fault me for that if you want to. All of this will be over soon anyway.” ]]

Annisa:

Excuses, excuses, excuses. It was all that was flying out of his mouth. ‘I was overzealous.’ ‘I moved hastily.’ ‘I was inexperienced.’ ‘You were my first case.’ ‘Your case was unusual.’ ‘You weren’t what I expected.’ What the hell?! Where did he get his license from, a Cracker Jack box? How many years had he gone to school to learn that he didn’t know shit about what it was he was getting paid to do? Did he really expect me to buy this crap? Oh, and the best part was, ‘I didn’t lie to you.’ He told me that he had my back. He told me that he believed in me. He told me he wanted to help me. Well, not only has he not had my back, he has shown me flat out that he didn’t believe in me when he told me that I couldn’t come forward with my story. He also has proven that he didn’t want to help me. Not at all. He brought in that demon to torture me.

Walking back over to the door, I knocked hard. I knew Curly had been on the other side, earlier. I was done. I had said my peace. He gave me excuse after excuse. I wanted no more of it. This meeting had been on my terms and I was through, with the meeting, with him. I just wanted the goon to open the door and take him away. After a few moments of waiting, I pounded harder. Of course, he paid the thug to take a hike. Oh, no! He wasn’t at all like the rest. I turned around with ire in my eyes. “You can leave now.”

Mike: [[ I stand up and once again put my hands in my pocket. I feel like a failure right now. There is so  much I want to say but know I can’t. I made a promise to Angela and Leah.|| “ I’ll work on transferring your case to someone else. Try not to get into any trouble Annisa. #Zen is on a warpath right now and it won’t take much to push him over the edge. Since you won’t be in my care he won’t listen to anything I have to say.” || I walk past Annisa and use my key to unlock the door. I make sure to close it behind me and lock it. I’m going home, I don’t have anymore cases today. I just need a beer and time to shut all this shit out for a while.]]

#TakeYourExcusesAndStickThemUpYour...

[betrayedvirtue]

DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Resting on the beach, I slid my toes into the wet sand. Something about the grit sifting between them, as I wiggled them, was soothing for me. Add to that the slight breeze that tousled my hair, and I was brought further into a deep relaxation. I leaned backward and closed my eyes, allowing myself to lie flat on my back as I settled my body into complete tranquility.

Here, in this moment, I didn’t know how badly I needed this. I didn’t know about the hell I had just been put through in the outside world. In this world, there was nothing but a serene calm, a place where I could just exist. No worries, no pain, no horrors, just the utter bliss of listening to the waves wash up onto the beach.

Today, however, was harder to keep myself firmly planted in my quiet place. The terrors that I had been forced to endure kept trying to creep their way in and taint the one, true corner of this world that I felt safe in. I didn’t want to have to fight here. This was not that place! This was where I came to find my serenity and forget everything else that would contradict that. There had never been anything that threatened that before and the thought that there now was, was ruining it all. It was almost as if I could see the cracks forming along the sky, getting ready to break this whole realm wide open and allow all that I hid from to flood in.

I was not yet ready to allow this universe to be infected by the cruel evils of the outside world. At the same time, fighting within this purified place seemed reprehensible and corrupt. The only other way to protect it, however, was to wake up and fight the horrors face to face…

#DecisionsDecisions

[betrayedvirtue]

CAUGHT OFF GUARD w/@VisionaryFury & @APoundOfFlesh_

Annisa: The fight with the orderlies lasted a good ten minutes, that is until backup arrived. However, I did get in a few really good kicks in all the best places… well, not so good for them, but I’m sure you catch my meaning... and I even managed to take a bite out of Moe, right under the armpit, where the skin is uber sensitive. I got a backhand across the jaw for that. Saw stars. Not the first time. Won’t be the last. I spit the mouthful of blood at him. I’m sure I looked like a prison inmate… psyche patient at Birch Miriam, inmate at the state prison, same thing.

Once the straightjacket was in place, and all the buckles secured, I felt the needle slide into my neck from behind. The cool fluid bled in and swam through my veins. Within seconds, sounds began to sound farther away, everything developed a kind of aura to it, and my whole body felt ten times heavier as Curly and Moe picked me up and carried me down the hall.

Shit! I must have a one-on-one with Mike. He was the last person I wanted to see right now, especially after the last group. Then again, I had a number of choice words for him. As we made our way down the hall, I began to list them off in my head. @VisionaryFury

Mike: [[ I’m not an idiot. There is no way  could have a session with Annisa in her current mindset without having her drugged and restrained. It’s sad because we should be past all that by now. I made too many mistakes and assumed she trusted me more than she does. It’s not only that, I underestimated how much fear she had for the wolf she saw the day her friend was murdered by a vampire. In her mind the vampire and wolf are both monsters and her enemy. I get that. If I were in her situation I’d believe the same. I think for me what makes a difference is I grew up around the people in La Push. I wasn’t friends with them but I was around them from time to time. Plus Angela is married to one of them and there is no way she’d do that if they were dangerous.

It doesn’t mean I still don’t have reservations about what is about to happen. I still have to convince Annisa that Leah isn’t a threat. #Zen wants them in the same room together and I’m trying to get Annisa  to go along with that. If I force it  I could break her mentally and all of this would be for nothing. It would make me just as bad as #Zen and I’m nothing like that asshole even if the plan is to mimic his behavior to make him think we are a lot alike. So the plan is this...to bring in Leah restrained to a chair to give Annisa a false sense of security that she won’t be harmed. The reality is there is nothing here that could stop Leah from doing what she wants to do. Annisa doesn’t have to know that. At least not yet. I’m running my hands over my face when I get a knock on the door. I tell the orderlies to come in and when the door opens I see Leah looking pissed off as she glares at me. I point to a nearby chair and nod. || “ Put her there...make sure she’s strapped to the chair real good. I don’t want her able to move at all.” || The orderlies do as I say and Leah shows some resistance but I know it’s more for show than anything else.

Once the orderlies leave and Leah and I are alone I walk around the desk and have a seat. I look in Leah’s direction and stark speaking to her. || “ Annisa should be here in a few minutes. Hopefully, this plan will work.” ]]

Leah: [[ When the time comes I’m going to set it off in here. I’ve been making a mental note of each and every time one of these orderly fuckers touch me inappropriately or abuse me. The people here are shady as fuck and no one is getting the medical care they need. They are  some slippery motherfuckers though because they cover their tracks. I let the orderlies shoot me up with the needle full of drugs that only keep me loopy for about a minute. I put up a fight when they try to put the straight jacket on me but not enough they can’t do it.

I find myself being drug down the hallway to Mike’s office and right before I’m pushed into the office one of the fuckers squeezes my ass cheek. I almost toss my head back to knock his ass out but that would mess up what Mike and I are trying to do here. So I restrain myself but I’ll have a few choice words for Mike when this meeting with Annisa is over. I say nothing while I’m strapped to the chair and not even when Mike and I are alone. The most I do is grunt when he says Annisa is on her way.]]

Annisa: By the time the orderlies get me down to Mike’s closed office door, I have a whole speech prepared for him, and I’m ready to start spewing words as soon as the door is opened, however, it only takes seconds for the fact to register that it’s not just Mike in the room. Nope. Leah is in there with him. I begin to scramble against the goons, but considering I wasn’t at my best with these drugs coursing through my body, I wasn’t able to put up enough of a fight. It didn’t matter to me that she was in a straightjacket like I was. It was a nice try on both their parts, but I had seen these beasts before. In wolf form, their shoulders met my own. There was no way in hell the material of her bindings would hold her back from anything. I began to scan the office for ways out, as I heard the door lock behind me. Windows? Bars. Heating vent? Too small, even for my small stature. Then I began taking inventory of everything and anything that I could use a weapon… Pen? Seriously? On what fucking planet would a pen fight off some wolf on steroids? Envelope opener? Better. I began to notice that I was trembling, despite the sedatives. Fuck! I didn’t want to show my fear. Why did he keep putting me in these situations? My back hit the wall. Shit! This was the farthest place in the room from Leah and it wasn’t nearly far enough, and the letter opener was across the room. Without taking my eyes off Leah, I spat at Mike, “Let me out! Now!”

Mike: [[ Well I guess that idea isn’t going to work. The fact that Leah is restrained doesn’t seem to ease any of Annisa’s fears. I’m at a loss of what else to do if she doesn’t at least try to see things my way. I stand up but stay where I am. Yeah Annisa is drugged and restrained but I’ve seen some of the physical damage she’s caused others while in her current condition. I’m about to respond to her outcry but then notice her face. Along her jawline is some bruising. I frown and move from behind my desk and walk toward her. I reach out to touch her face and tilt her head so I can get a closer look.|| “ What happened to your face? Who did this to you?” || I can’t help but wonder if #Zen has been to visit Annisa again even though I thought we had an agreement. I can’t imagine the orderlies would do that and leave marks on her. She wouldn’t have done that to herself. Not at that angle. This is why we need for this plan to work so that abuse like this can’t happen anymore.]]

Leah: [[ I’ll give the girl some credit. She isn’t stupid. It doesn’t take rocket science to know I can easily break out of something like this. I figure the only way to get Annisa on our side is to be real with her. I snort and shake my head as I watch Mike let his guard down when he tries to attend to Annisa. If she head butts him it will be his own fault. I remain where I am and look Annia in the eyes. I’m not gonna sugarcoat any of this for her. Mike might try to be all gengle around her but I’m not.||

“ He’s not going to let you out. You are here because you need to understand that I’m on your side. I’m not here to hurt you or anyone else. I’m here to help shut down this fucking place and have #Zen get what he deserves. I don’t like Mike for a variety of reasons but I’ll say this, he actually gives a damn about the patients in this place and he’s sticking his neck out for you. Hell he talked me into letting those asshole strap me to a chair to make it better for you. I did that because I believe in his cause. Whoever did that to your face needs to be in jail Annisa and I can help get them there. In order for that to happen you need to calm the hell down and work with us.” ]]  

Annisa: Eyes still on Leah, I snapped hard at Mike’s hand. Unfortunately, the drugs they had given me today slowed me down more than usual. Mike must have asked for a heavier dose. Fucker!

Then it begins to speak. I have to admit, it’s difficult to associate this calm, seemingly honest-to-a-fault… person with the wolf I’ve been told she is. However, I can’t seem to unstick myself from the wall. If she is what Mike says she is, one twitch and it could be all over. What kind of game is she playing? It must be obvious that I’m not Mike’s number one fan, right now, and she’s playing on that, trying to draw me in. And then there’s Mike, walking around the room like he owns the place, not one fucking care in the world that she… it… the wolf sits at his back. He’s told me he’s seen one. He knows what they are. He also knows what they can do. He’s heard me talk enough about it. Did I not go into excruciating detail about the bone-crushing jaws these wolves had on them? Why is he on her side? I know what I saw! I know what I experienced. Why is he trying to make me feel like I actually belong in this place?! I begin to mumble, more to myself than anyone else, “I am not insane, I am not insane…” Shit! Now, I actually do sound like I belong here. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and shot Mike a pleading gaze, “Let me out of here, please?” as tears begin to well up in my eyes. I hated myself for showing him this side of me, but I could tell he wasn’t going to let me out, and without my wits and strength, my anxiety began to kick in, and anxiety meant tears. Gone was the tough facade I put on every day of my life. This was me, raw… and I not only hated myself for showing it to him, but I hated him for pulling it out of me.

Mike: [[ I release Annisa’s face quickly when it’s apparent I’ll end up with a few less fingers if I’m not careful. I don’t turn in Leah’s direction as she speaks. What I do is keep my eyes trained on Annisa to see if anything Leah says penetrates through her built up walls of fear. The tears cascading down Annisa’s face gives me my answer. We are no closer to Annisa trusting Leah then when she first walked through that door. If anything this scenario is starting to break her in a way that #Zen wants it too. I hear what Annisa mumbles and I also hear her pleading for me to let her out. Please isn’t in Annisa’s vocabulary and I don’t the sense she’s trying to manipulate me to do what she wants. She’s pulling at my heart strings and it’s hard for me to remain professional especially since this whole situation has nothing natural or professional about it.|| “Leah is right, we need you on our side so we can put #Zen where he belongs and that is in jail. Annisa I need you to trust me. I know that is asking a lot. I didn’t go through what you went through. I didn’t witness what you did. You’ve had years to dwell on it and allow it to take root in your mind. You are not insane. I’ve never believed that about you. Even before you convinced me to search out the truth for yourself. I believe fate brought me to this place to work and also to you. I won’t let anything happen to you. Leah isn’t here to hurt you she is here to help us.

Personality wise Leah Clearwater is a bitch and may be supernatural but she’s not a monster.” || Saying that could get my ass kicked later but I’m trying whatever I can to convince Annisa that she doesn’t have to fear Leah.]]

Leah: [[ The prick with glasses just had to go there. Not that calling me a bitch means anything to me. I am a bitch and that isn’t a secret. So I ignore Mike and keep my focus on Annisa. She didn’t respond to me the first time but I’m going to keep trying. Cause that is me I’m persistent like that.|| “ You keep staring at me with those wide green eyes of yours like I’m going to huff, puff, and blow this place down then eat you. Why? Other than seeing a wolf kill the monster that wanted to kill you what have they done to you? Why can’t you just believe Mike when he says you have nothing to worry about?

In the time that you have known Mike has he ever done anything to you? Has he hit you or touched you inappropriately? Punish you for not conforming to what he wants? What? Why are you so intent on acting like this? You need to get it together. The longer it takes for you to realize I’m not the enemy the longer I have to stay in this godforsaken hellhole.” ]]

Annisa: When did this all become about “their side”? I thought Mike and I were on the same side. I thought this was all about mine and Mike’s fight. At least, it was about my fight, and Mike was going to help me. Now, all of a sudden, it’s become his fight and she’s the one that’s helping him… and I’m on the outside once again in my life. Why bother including me? Why bring it into this place, into my world? Ideas of him trying to make me insane begin to surface. What if, he never did believe me? What if this woman isn’t what he says she is, and this is all some elaborate plan to make me realize that I am totally insane? What if he is just buying into Zen’s Kool-Aid, and this is his way to torture me?

Then came Leah’s argument… Has he ever hurt me before? Has he ever forced me to do anything I didn’t want to? Groped me like Moe or Curly? Forced me to conform to the hospital’s ideals? Made me be anyone that I wasn’t? I dragged in a deep breath. I couldn’t say he had ever done anything like that. Not that that made me trust her at all. It was just that they were very good points. I still wasn’t comfortable with this situation. “If you won’t let me out, then get her out of here.” I seriously needed to let him have it and I was tired of twitching every time she moved.

Mike: [[ For a moment I thought Annisa was going to drift off into the recesses of her mind it seemed as if that was the direction she was going. I’m surprised by how composed and logical Leah sounds when she addresses Annisa. She’s coming at her from a different angle then I am but it seems to have calmed Annisa  a little even if she wants Leah to leave. I’m not sure if that is a good idea or not. I need to get Annisa comfortable with being around Leah and she’s nowhere near that right now. I sigh as I lean on my desk and look between her and Leah. Should I agree or no? I could push it and say yes but the whole purpose of this meeting is to prove a point that she’s safe with Leah being in here.

I have to make a choice though and I need to do it right now. I nod my head but I do have a condition. || “ I’ll send Leah back to her room but you have to answer her question first. Other than seeing a wolf kill the monster that wanted to kill you what have they done to you? Why can’t you just believe me when I say you have nothing to worry about? If I can be in this closed in space with Leah and it not bother me and I saw what you saw then why can’t you trust me enough to believe she’s safe to be around because I said so?” ]]

Leah: [[ I’m getting tired of this back and forth. Nothing gets accomplished doing this. Mike is walking around on eggshells with this girl and it’s wasting time. She can sho me away all she wants but the fact of the matter is I’ll still be here and Mike will continue to have meetings like this until Annisa finally gets it. I’m not doing all of that. It’s bullshit and we don’t have time for it. I look at Mike as I speak with irritation.|| “ Oh for fucks sake Mike! Go ahead and fucking tell her what #Zen wants to happen. Quit being a pussy, man up and be real with her. Stop treating the girl like she’s going to break! She wants me out of this office that is fine but you need to be upfront with her about everything. Don’t make me do it because I will.”

|| Am I being harsh? Yes, I am but I’m tired of all shit and being restrained like this is bothersome. I don’t want to have to do it again so I’m trying to get all this settled now. Annisa and her issues are irritating. I don’t have the patience for all this.]]

Annisa: Listening to Mike brought back my anger. Gritting my teeth together, I responded to his casual comment, “You didn’t see what I saw.” He hadn’t. He hadn’t gone through what I had. At first, it just seemed like some creep walking up on two teenage girls in the woods. He had toyed with us at first, flirting some with Kira and I. We had both liked to think we could handle the creeps. Then he got handsy with Kira, and before I knew it, blood was spurting everywhere and his mouth was dripping with blood. It happened so fast, I hadn’t even seen his mouth touch her throat. Then he dropped her like a rag doll, and one look at me, I thought it was over. Next thing I saw was this flash of fur come over my shoulder, knocking me down on my knees. As I stood up, I saw the wolf and the vampire fighting. That’s when I heard the power of the jaw, crushing bone. Unconsciously, I took a step back, all the while terrified of making any noise, for fear the wolf would turn on me. I don’t fully know what happened then. I remember losing my footing and falling backward. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital. I have no reason not to believe that wolf would have turned on me next if I hadn’t fallen down that hill. That’s what he didn’t understand. What I had seen was straight out of a horror movie. What he told me he had seen was some Disney movie.

I was trying not to give Leah any attention. I was hoping, the less I acknowledged her, the more she would leave me alone. It didn’t seem to be working so far, but I didn’t want her thinking I cared what she said. I seriously just wanted her out… out of the room, out of the hospital, out of my world. However, the fact that she was saying that Mike was holding out on me made me even more pissed off. But, to acknowledge anything she said would only encourage her, so I kept my mouth shut, hoping Mike would respond directly to her, and I could find out that way.

Mike: [[ I glare at Leah because I’m not ready to tell Annisa about what #Zen wants but she’s making it impossible to do this at my pace. || “ Shut up Leah! She’s not ready to hear about that yet. She can’t even deal with you being in this office.” || I look at Annisa and sigh. Maybe Leah is right. Maybe I should just go ahead and say it. || “ Look Annisa, #Zen wants to see you break. He likes that Leah is here and he wants to see the two of you kill each other. He wants to make the two of you roommates. He’s not giving much choice in the matter. Leah is here right now to get you to see it’s safe for you.”

||I heard what Annisa said and I know my experience wasn’t the same but that is the point. I have a different perspective.|| “ I need you to try and forget what you think you know Annisa and realize I won’t put you in harms way and Leah isn’t a threat to you.”]]

Leah: [[ “ Oh boy...this is ridiculous.” || I look at Annisa and snort.|| “ Look at me. I’m sitting here in this damn chair restrained looking like a idiot listening to the two of you sound like idiots going over the same thing over and over again. The bottom line is this. #Zen is a prick and he wants to get off on knowing he pushed you over the edge. I am not going to hurt you. I won’t go wolf on you or anyone else in this damn place. I don’t kill humans only vampires. If that wasn’t true you would have died that day. Instead you are alive and it’s because a wolf saved you.” ]]

Annisa: “No!” My eyes went wide and I think I was on the verge of fainting at the idea of having to be roommates with her… it. How the fuck was I going to get out of this one?! There was no way in hell I was going to be bunking with her. However, if Zen wanted it, it would happen. Losing grip of my balance, I slid down the wall. How was I going to handle being locked in a room, by myself, with this wolf?! I started hyperventilating. I was long past anxiety. This was a full-on panic attack. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest and across the room, palms sweaty even though I felt chilled to the bone, and I couldn’t get a full on breath. I barely heard Leah’s comments. How could she just think that saying, “I’m not going to hurt you,” was going to resolve everything I’ve suffered over the past 7 plus years?! It wasn’t just the experience, it’s the nightmares, the day hallucinations of the whole experience, it’s the fact that I can’t watch any TV show that remotely mentions vampires or wolves without reliving the whole fucking thing. Yeah, okay… just because you say so after all I’ve gone through, I believe you… Let’s be BFFs! My hands and feet began to tingle because not enough oxygen was getting to them, and I was beginning to lose focus on the world.

Mike: [[ I knew it! Telling Annisa like this would be too much. If she would have found safety in Leah being restrained then there would have been a chance for this “meeting” to work. The fear Annisa has is too deeply rooted I’m at a loss of what would work to change that. Before my very eyes I can see Annia drifting into herself. I’ve just shared with her that her worst nightmare is about to come true. Leah can’t just tell Annisa  to suck it up and grow a pair that’s not going to work. Since no one believed Annisa’s story when she was first admitted no one taught Annisa how to deal with the anxiety and fear she experiences on a daily basis. She’s in a continuous fight or flight mode. I could just say fuck it and keep her so drugged she won’t be aware of any fucking thing but that defeats the purpose. I walk over to Annisa and slide down the wall to sit next to her. I find myself staring headed of me while I begin to speak.||

“ One of my best friends is married to a shifter. They have a little boy and he is the sunshine of her life. I care about Angela and the one thing I noticed right away is that her husband loves her and treats her with nothing but admiration and respect. He would never hurt Angela and he would never hurt his son. I wasn’t there and experienced the horrors you did Annisa. I didn’t see my friend murdered before my eyes. I can say this. It wasn’t the wolf that killed your friend it was the vampire. If the wolf hadn’t shown up when they did you would have died as well. I know I’m asking for a lot but I’ll keep saying it until you grasp it Annisa. You need to trust me on this.” || I reach out and take ahold of Annisa’s hand and run my thumb on the top of her hand soothingly.]]

Leah: [[ I let my head fall back against the back of the chair and my eyes look up at the ceiling. This whole plan is shot to hell. It’s obvious Annisa isn’t going to be on board with this. Maybe she is crazy but Mike is clueless. I assumed he knew how to do his job. Maybe he doesn’t. I listen as Mike goes on and on trying to plead with Annisa to trust him. He has her worst fear locked in the room with him. I doubt that is earning any of her trust. || “Mike, stop wasting your breath. We don’t have time to try and convince Annisa that I’m not a threat. Look at her...you are talking to a wall right now. She’s not hearing you. We’ll either have to scrap the plan or think of some other way.” ||

I look over at Annisa who is huddled on the floor with a far away look in her eyes and I raise a brow as I also take in the look of concern and desperation on Mike’s face. He is going through an awful lot for this patient. It makes me wonder if some of this is personal for him. ]]

Annisa: I can hear Mike’s voice, but it’s as if it’s far off in the distance. My hold on reality has completely faltered and I’ve slipped away into the confines of my own mind. Strangely though, inside the “confines” of my own thoughts, I am so much freer than anyplace in my entire world. There, I can lie on my beach, with the night’s stars watching over me, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocky coast, so close. I can feel the salt in the air, as the ocean spray flitters down to dampen my skin. It’s only there that I feel truly capable of being myself.

The warmth of Mike’s hand threatens to pull me away from my beach…  the soft touch of his thumb brushing over the top of my own hand. I fight to push the feeling away. I know what awaits me back there. Terror and mayhem and things beyond my control. My beach has none of those things. It is a world of my own creation. A place where I have full control, nothing happens there that I don’t want. Depending on my mood, sometimes it’s day, sometimes it’s night, other times it’s twilight or dawn, but no matter what, it’s always up to me. There is never anyone else there, and I like it that way. Just me and my own personal utopia.

Mike: [[ There is not reaction from Annisa at this point. Mentally she’s gone. The news of what #Zen wants has crushed her. In a way Zen is getting what he wants all this time he’s been trying to break Annisa and this may do it. I glance over at Leah and realize this is my fault. I’m the one who thought of this plan and brought Leah in here. I pushed Annisa past what she could handle and as I sit next to her I have to face the facts what we did here today failed. I need to regroup and speak to Angela. Maybe she can help me sort this out and come up with a way to get Annia to not see Leah as a threat. I sigh and continue to rub my thumb over the top of her hand. For a moment I forget Leah is in the room as I try to speak reassuringly to Annisa and hope my words are reaching her. || “ I’m sorry...if I knew this would make matters worse I wouldn’t have forced this on you. I’ll figure this out without you if I have to.” ]]

Leah: [[ “Fucking wuss. Send me back to my room. This was a waste of my time. I’m not sure if being here is even worth it anymore. What the hell is up between you and that red head? You looking all googly eyed over there.”

|| I let out a irritated sigh and shift in the chair. My thoughts are in the direction of how to do this on my own. I’m starting to think Mike and Annisa are both a lost cause.|| “ You know what? Nevermind. Just get Angela to come and pay me a visit. I need to talk to her. If she has a plan B I think now would be the time to use it. It’s clear /she/ isn’t up for the task.” ]]

#CaughtOffGuard

[betrayedvirtue]

FIGHT FOR MY LIFE

I woke up back in solitary, but today I wasn’t going to complain about that. Solitary was probably the safest place I could be in the middle of this giant clusterfuck! I couldn’t believe that fucker brought her in here like that! No warning! Just signed her in and plopped her in a seat across from me in group for me to fend for myself, shit, for the whole hospital to fend for itself! How many times did I have to tell him what I went through. I don’t give two flying shits how “good” he thinks this Leah is, he couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve seen the jaws on these monsters up close. I’ve heard the bone-crushing power of their grip. They are not “safe to be around.” Not by a long shot! Now, all because of Mike, I, and the rest of the people in this institution, are locked inside with one.

How fucking arrogant of Mike to think that he can make any kind of difference in this place! Did he not stop to think that more than likely others have tried? As a matter of fact, I know there have been lawsuits filed against this place. They never stick, though. Not a one. Zen has never gotten so much as a slap on the wrist. But, Mike thinks he’s something special, alright. He’s going to swoop in here and save us all. Bull! Fucking! Shit! He’s just going to lose his job, his license, his career, and his life. Then I’ll be right back to where I started. Why couldn’t he have just listened to me? It’s way more important to get the truth out there. I mean seriously, what’s more important? Fighting a fight you’re never going to win, or saving the lives of all those people that die at the hands of these bloodsuckers and beasts every day? I know where my fight lies, and it’s definitely not with Mike.

Suddenly, the door to my cage was rattled when I heard a key hit the lock to the door. Shit! This better just be lunch or something. Nope. As the door swung wide, in walked my two least favorite thugs, carrying my least favorite wardrobe, my monkey suit, better known as a straightjacket. I backed up onto the bed, my back against the wall, and got ready for a fight. There was no way I wanted out of this room. Not with that thing roaming the halls. One of the orderlies, Mo, as I liked to call him, called down the hall for back up, and then it was on…

#FightForMyLife

[betrayedvirtue]

NOT MY CIRCUS, NOT MY MONKEYS w/@VisionaryFury & @APoundOfFlesh_

Annisa: I hadn’t seen Mike since our big blowout argument. But, I was sure he had heard all about my antics in response. There was no way in hell I was going along with his plan and keeping me out of solitary wasn’t working. I knew of too many other ways to keep myself in trouble. I had been keeping myself busy since I saw him last. Today, unfortunately, I was going to have to see him again. I had group today, and he was the one in charge of running it. Over the past few days, I had decide that I was just going to go back to the old me. The one that paid no attention to the therapists, aside from making their day-to-day completely miserable, and Mike was going to be no exception. He was now just another one of the many asshats that I’ve dealt with here.

If it wasn’t a fire hazard, I swear the orderlies would have not only put me in my straightjacket today, but they also would have strapped me down to my seat. I had been exceptionally difficult toward them the past few days. No one had been spared my wrath, this time. Surprisingly, I hadn’t had any visits from Zen, yet. I thought for sure he would have stepped in by now and taken over my case. Actually, I was secretly hoping for it. I was done with Mike. End of. Finished! The thought of being turned back over to the monster that was Zen was a much better option than having anything to do with Mike and his absurd plan.

Sitting in my seat, I took a look around. The orderlies were scattered around the room, with two at the door. It seemed that anything I was involved in, always required more orderlies than usual. I was okay with that. We had two newcomers to the group today. One girl that looked as if she were too fucking good to be here with all of us. According to her, I’m sure her shit doesn’t stink. I couldn’t wait to tell her otherwise, outside of group, maybe at lunch? Cat and I could have fun with her. I shot Cat a look and could tell she was already riding the same wavelength. The other newbie was a guy, mid-thirties probably. He hadn’t made eye contact with one person since he sat down. He almost had the demeanor of a six year old. Curious. That’s when I heard Mike come in. I quickly turned my chair to the window and proceeded to watch my favorite crows.

Mike: [[Annisa was making it difficult to keep her out of #Zen’s clutches. Everyday I’m getting reports about her destruction. I know this is her way of saying “Fuck you” to  me. Zen is breathing down  my throat to handle the situation and I’ve been doing my best to assure him it was handled. I just needed some time to do what needed to be done.

I was procrastinating because I needed to get Leah into the  mix of things. She’s now in Birch Miriam as a patient. #Zen got a kick out of the fact Leah is from La Push and seems to believe she can turn into animals. Like I hoped he thought pairing her up with me would be the best option. I’ve done what I can to prep Leah but she’s difficult to talk to. The woman doesn’t like me. She’s tolerating me as a favor to Angela.

Today will be the first day Annisa and Leah are in the same room. We are having a group. I told Leah beforehand to not say much. I wanted her to do more listening than anything else. She can get a feel of the orderlies and maybe figure out who we should investigate. I have to do it this way since for now I can’t seem to depend on Annisa.

Right before stepping not the room where the group session is being held I pull at my collar and say a short prayer things won’t go bad today. The last time I had a group with Annisa she attacked me. I have no intention on provoking her. I’m not poking the bear today. I guess my focus is provoking a wolf…

I step into the room and look around. I zero in on two people...Annisa who is sitting restrained in a chair and of course has her back to the rest of us and Leah...who is sitting slouched in her chair with her arms crossed looking bored. I guess it would be too much for her to at least act like she belongs here. I clear my throat and take my seat. There is a eerie silence. Or maybe it’s just me thinking that. I won’t lie I’m not feeling my plan but it’s in motion now so I have to run with it.|| “ Hello everyone, we should get started. First off I’d like to introduce our newcomers. #Eddie and #Leah. Like always be respectful and remember this is a safe place to share.”]]

Leah: << After my talk with Mike, I wanted to say fuck it and tell Angela to find someone else to be Mike’s mole or whatever you call it but she talked me off the ledge. So now I’m in this place and yeah...it’s a real shithole. Whatever it is I need to find out needs to happen fast. I don’t have the patience to tolerate being told when I can or can’t eat, sleep, or watch fucking TV. I’m used to going outside when I want for how long I want and these fuckers are already pissing me off.... Mike had to go through the motions of prescribing meds for me but he did the lowest dose possible which with my metabolism doesn’t faze me at all. I just have to act like it does.

I don’t give Mike a second glance when he enters the room or when he says my name. I give some chick a dirty look when she looks at me as if I’ll be her new toy. If she knows what’s best for her she won’t fuck with me. I’m not the one. There is a red head who turns away from the rest of the group when Mike comes into the room. Dare I guess she’s the hellraiser the orderlies have been mumbling about? Maybe I’ll get some entertainment after all. >>

Annisa: Yeah, yeah, yeah… always be respec… My eyes flew wide and I whipped around as soon as the name Mike had mentioned, registered. He did NOT just say what I think he fucking said! I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t breathing as I stared at him for confirmation of the name that just came out of his mouth. Without waiting for a response to my unspoken question, I scanned over to the new girl, that had one foot up on her chair and was picking at something on one of her shoes. Scurrying backward, I fell out of my chair. Without taking my eyes off of her, I called out to Mike, “You motherfucker!” My voice shook as I spoke. “You… you… y… locked up that thing… “ I couldn’t even finish the sentence. My whole body was just about paralyzed in fear as I stared, panic-stricken at the new girl. By this time she had turned to watch me, eyes blazing into my own.

Finally, something inside me clicked on and flight response reacted with a resounding force. I sprang from my spot on the floor and ran for the door where the two orderlies were standing guard. They caught both arms as I tried to blow past them, practically lifting me where I stood. “Let me the fuck out of here! You don’t understand! We’re all in danger! Let! Me! Go!” I screamed as I kicked and flailed suspended by their grasp.

Mike: [[ If Annisa wanted to sit in silence and pretend we weren’t in the room with her that was good. It would give her a chance to see that Leah was safe. What I’d forgotten is I told Annisa Leah’s name. So when I do my announcements Annisa reacts right away. I’ve seen her in fear before when she got lost in her own thoughts dealing with her past. As a matter of fact it was at our last group session. At least this time I have enough staff in the room if things get out of control. I’m so focused on Annisa and the fact she’s trying to flee I don’t take into account the reality of the situation. The people in the room will only assume she’s lost in her delusions. The problem is everyone will think that except Leah. I omitted that part of the scenario when prepping Leah on what to expect as a patient.

A few of the residents are starting to howl and it’s #Eddie’s first day and this is what he’s subjected to. He is already on the floor covering his ears and yelling. Leah leaps out of her chair and is glaring at Annisa. It’s evident she’s upset about the commotion Annisa is creating. What I know won’t help right now is for me to try and calm Annisa down. If I go anywhere near her she’s going to try and claw my eyes out. I knew she would be scared but I didn’t think it would be to this extent. I told her Leah would be safe and she didn’t have to worry but her fear is too ingrained in her to trust I know what I’m talking about. If the wolves were a danger to humans Embry could have killed me the night I discovered what he was. Or Leah would have done it the moment she found out I knew the truth. The orderlies are waiting for me to say what to do with Annisa and a few of the other staff are getting the other patients back into their seats. They are used to Annisa causing scenes and getting the other patients worked up. They are assuming Annisa is faking but I know she’s not. I’ll end up having to sedate her if she doesn’t calm down on her own.]]

Leah: [[ Sometimes my instincts will kick in without me realizing it until something happens then I get it. It’s not just about being a shifter who kills vampires. I find being a wolf helps me read people and know when they are full of shit or being real. The one thing I know well is fear. I know to a degree Mike Newton fears me and I use that as a way to amuse myself. He will always know just under the surface I’m something dangerous that can make his life hell in ways he can’t imagine. Some people are put off by me because yes, I can be a bitch. It’s a defense mechanism. No one is getting close to me after what Emily and Sam did to me. I get off on my anger and pain because it’s all I have left.

When the redhead loses her shit I figure “yes” I'm about to get a front row seat to the wonderful world of crazy town but no...the moment the girl turns and stares at me with those wide green eyes of hers my body stiffens as I’m suddenly overcome with dejavu. The voice...the face and hair...the scent of pure unadulterated adrenaline and fear...I remember it as if it was yesterday. She was part of a duo. I failed to save her friend but I got to the fucking leech before he made dinner out of her. She’s yelling about everyone being in danger  then she calls me a thing! I jump out of my chair and find myself glaring at the panic stricken girl. She needs to shut the hell up about me and what I am. I’m about to say that to her when I catch movement next to me and see it’s Mike. I turn my anger on him because he should have told me “that” particular girl was fucking here! || “ You mother fucker! I’m doing this for her?!? You fucking liar!” || I walk up on Mike as he takes a step back looking at me with wide eyes. I’m not going to attack him but the orderlies don’t know that and they end up tackling me to the ground, telling me I’d better calm down or I’ll be sedated. I could so easily toss them off me but I know I can’t. My cover will be blown if I do and I needed to hear from Mike what the fuck was going on here.>>

Annisa: Paying absolutely no attention to anything aside from where that Leah person was, I continued to kick and flail against the hold of the two goons that were trying hard to restrain me. There was no way in hell I was staying in this room, not with her! I couldn’t believe Mike had gone and done this after everything I had told him. I couldn’t believe he didn’t see the danger in what he had done. That was not a woman sitting in that chair, it was a monster, capable of tearing a person apart with just its teeth! How fucking dare he put me and everyone else in this building at such risk!

Suddenly, I got an opening I had been hoping for. One of the orderlies had turned his face away from me, his attention momentarily diverted, and I wasted no time in my attack. I lunged at his shoulder with my teeth and tore into his skin. This started a chain reaction. At first, he only howled in pain, trying to keep his grip on me. But, that only caused me to lock my jaw even harder, finally forcing him to let go. With one buffoon off me, my body began to twist and fall, back to the ground, pulling the other guy off balance. This gave me the second opportunity I needed to slam my heel into the top of his foot and as soon as my other foot hit the ground, I brought a knee up, into his groin, before turning and bolting out the double doors and down the hallway.

Mike [[ With the way things are rapidly declining I may not have to worry about how to get Leah and Annisa in the same room because I’ll be fired. Once again a group that I’m facilitating has turned into utter chaos. Leah is on the ground cursing up a storm as she’s being held down by a few orderlies. The scary part is knowing she is allowing them to do it. At any moment Leah could shove them off her with no real effort from her at all. The others are back in their seats but it’s clear from the fear and anxiety in their faces nothing productive will take place in this room today. As for Annisa there is nothing I can do when I see her dig her teeth into the orderly who was careless enough to let his guard down around her. For heaven’s sake she’s in a straight jacket and still has managed to attack and flee. I yell at the orderlies to catch Annisa and give her a cocktail. They will know what that means.

The drugs she gets will pretty much put her in a comma for at least twelve hours. I’ll need that much time to untangle this mess I created. My attention is drawn back to Leah when I see her on the floor laughing. Clearly there is nothing funny and I find myself taking a step back because the look in Leah’s eyes as she looks at me is bone chilling. I’m reminded yet again I’m not dealing with a human but a supernatural being who is constantly reminding me I have no control in this situation. Before I can give instructions on what to do with Leah, I hear Zen’s voice in the background and I turn in his direction.|| “ Mike...what is this!” || I raise my finger to signal that I need a moment. I didn’t want Leah in the room when I had this conversation with Zen. || “ What do you think? Annisa was at it again. Let me close out this session and I’ll talk to you about it.” || I signal for the orderlies to take Leah away to her room. I’d have a session with her and explain everything before she ups and leaves. Annisa is proving to be a real issue. I have to find a way to get her on board with this or having Leah here will be for nothing.]]

Leah << It’s the sound of torn flesh that catches my attention and I’m shocked beyond words at what I see. The redhead is biting the shit out of someone while she is restrained. The guy doesn’t know what to do with himself and she eventually takes him down then takes down the other guy as well. She’s a feisty one.  Kinda reminds me of myself but without the crazy element added. The scene playing out in front of me is hilarious and that is when I start laughing. My behavior seems to fit right into what everyone else is doing do I don’t try to retrain it.

Again I can sense the fear rolling off Mike. He knows  he fucked up and when we end up alone to talk all this shit out that bastard better start from the fucking beginning and lay it all out there for me to know. I bet Angela will be pissed as well. She never would have kept something like this from me. I offer up some resistance when I’m hoisted off the floor. That is when the asshole #Zen steps in front of me and speaks in a low voice. || “ You must be Leah...well Leah you are new here so I’ll offer you a warning. Don’t get any ideas because of what you saw here. It’s best to be kept off my radar.” || Well fuck... I didn’t think he’d come right out the box offering up threats. I give #Zen a challenging smirk and the finger.

Mike steps forward and once again tells the orderlies to take me to my room. I don’t believe he heard what Zen said. It was meant for my ears only. By me being the patient who would believe he just said that to  me. So without the asshole realizing it whatever reservations I may of had to stay just dissolved and I plan to play this out until that asshole is exposed and in fucking jail.]]

Annisa: As I sprinted down the corridor, I could hear Curly and Moe right behind me. Moe was cursing up a storm because he was still in pain from where I bit him, as well as dripping all the way down the hall. It’s an odd moment to be thinking of it, but I was suddenly struck with the question as to whether or not Zen will punish him for the blood. Abruptly, I felt a hand on my shoulder and the sudden grip caused me to go head over ass onto the floor. With no arms to cushion the fall, my face plants itself as I slide about a foot on the floor. “Mother fucker!”

“You little shit!” was the last thing I heard as the needle punctured my neck and the cold fluid rushed through my veins.

Mike: [[ “ My office now, Mike.” || #Zen walk off in a huff as I’m left to try and calm the rest fo the residents down. I tell the remaining orderlies to send everyone to their rooms for a chance to decompress from what just happened. I’ll make my rounds to check in on everyone. Some of the patients are used to these scenes but it’s unfortunate. Each time it happens their own care is being compromised. I don’t want that. I’ll have to go and have it out with #Zen I guess I’ll know by the end of the day if I still have a job or not. If by some miracle I do still work here I’ll have to come clean with Leah. Which is something I should have done from the start. Annisa is my biggest concern. I have no idea how to fix that problem she won’t trust me for shit now. Once all the residents are dispersed I leave out of the room to go and take my tongue lashing from #Zen.]]

Leah: << I don’t bother putting on a show as I’m being drug out the room. I just go limp and let them do all the work. I’m tossed into my room and the door is closed behind me. I start pacing right away. The words Zen said to me going on in a loop in my head. I’ll do everything I can to get on his radar. I want to know exactly what will happen if I do. That is something I’ll need to speak with Mike about. He’s not getting away with withholding info from me but he doesn’t need to know how invested I suddenly find myself wanting to be when it comes to taking down the assholes here at Birch Miriam.>>  

#NotMyCircusNotMyMonkeys

[betrayedvirtue]

FOOL NO MORE

I was furious! I hadn’t even been in solitary for more than a few hours before I had been pulled, had a ton of sedating pills shoved down my throat, and tossed back into my room. I had managed to make an absolute mess of my room before the pills took complete effect. Books, artwork, bedding, and clothes were strewn across the floor. Most of the drawers were hanging out of the dresser, all half-cocked. I had actually managed to get one out, threw it across the room, and made a hole in the wall. Actually, they were lucky the bed and dresser were bolted to the ground, or those would’ve been tossed, too. Privileges were definitely going to be taken away. I didn’t give two shits, though. This was Mike’s way of trying to force me into complying. He should know by now, I don’t comply. I do what I want, when I want. If his ideas align with mine, he gets his way. If they don’t, he doesn’t. Period. I am not his fucking puppet!

Mike is seriously going to go ahead with his plan, and he thinks that by sedating me, I am going to go along with it? Well, they are going to have to keep me pretty fucking sedated! Like, to the point of drool dribbling down the side of my jaw. Because, otherwise, I am fighting this tooth... and….. fucking…... nail………

*****

Why did my back hurt so badly? And my head! It felt as if a elephant collapsed on it. Patting around on the bed… nope, that was the floor. I pushed myself up, squinting my eyes, trying to figure out where I was and what time it was. Okay, I was on the floor of my room, and by the light shining in the window, it was at least morning. Shit! That sedation did a scramble on my brain.

It took a few minutes for all the pieces to creep back into place. But, they did, and in an instant, I was even more irate than I had been the night before. However, I was more focused. Standing up, I began to pace the room, kicking random items out of my way as I processed it all and tried to put together my next move.

If I played my cards right, Zen would do my bidding for me. If I pushed hard enough, Zen would have me thrown back into solitary. I was actually a little surprised that Mike had managed to get me out, after I basically escaped the asylum. That’s okay. Mike got me to let my guard down. I should have known not to trust him. He was turning out to be just like the others. Tell me what I want to hear, then just as I start to trust, slam that knife in my back and twist it. This was the last time! I was done. No more taking Annisa for a fool.

There was a jiggle of the doorknob. Ahhh… orderlies and nurses… no doubt bringing me my morning dose of restraint. Time to sharpen my teeth…

#FoolNoMore

[betrayedvirtue]

A RUSH OF FREEDOM BEFORE THE DARKNESS

The sensation of pure elation was the only way to describe how it felt to jump off that wall and run. With the smell the salt water in the air, and the view of the beach, I could imagine myself running freely across the sand. I didn’t try to hide. My motivation wasn’t to actually escape. I knew I would never be able to do that. I knew they’d be after me before I could get ten minutes away. But, for those ten minutes, I was in pure heaven. No restraints, no solitary confinement, no therapists, no Zen, no art class, no group sessions. It was all about the salty wind in my hair.

It wasn’t until I was hauled back to Birch Miriam and tossed into solitary, donning my routine attire, a straightjacket, that I began to think about why I had run. The jackasses that threw me in promised a visit from Zen before morning and I began to wonder if it was all worth it. But, it was. Mike had no idea what he was doing. Bringing a shifter into this place?! What the hell was he thinking? He wanted to make this place safer. Bringing a shifter into this place was about the worst way to accomplish that! Let’s bring a half human/half beast into a place where torture and torment is the daily menu. See how long it takes for the beast to manifest itself and turn on every human locked within these walls. Had he even thought about that? Everyone in this place, aside from the staff, was locked in. If something bad happened, say in the middle of the night, while there was only a skeleton crew, how was everyone supposed to get away from this said shifter?

His plan hinged on one thing. He needed me to befriend this Leah person, and show her around when he wasn’t here, help her see what was really going on, introduce her to the right people to talk to. Well, I wasn’t onboard and there was no way in hell I was going to help with that. Befriend a shifter? Shit! What was he thinking? Did he really expect me, of all people, to be open to not only sit in the same room with one of those monsters, but become friends with them and show them around?

With me in solitary, it was all a mute point. There was no way he could do it without me, and there was no question I was going to be stuck in here for an indefinite amount of time. Once Zen catches wind of my little escape attempt, he’ll be in here with a catheter so quick it will make Mike’s head spin. Christ, Zen will probably throw away the key this time. Mike wasn’t going to get a chance to try to make me do anything I didn’t want to do for a very long time.

I began to think about the possibility of how much trouble Mike might get into due to my little stunt, and reminded myself that Zen won’t fire Mike. He thinks that Mike is going along with his little shop of horrors here, and he needs all the doctors on his side that he can get. As far as Zen is concerned, any doctor that looks the other way, or even actually joins in on his vulgar treatment of the patients, is a gem in the rough and he will cling to that doctor for as long as he can, despite a few indiscretions, like making the mistake of letting me jump off a wall and make a run for it. I leaned back against the wall and settled in for an incredibly long ass night.

#ARushOfFreedomBeforeTheDarkness

[betrayedvirtue]

HOW DO YOU LIKE THOSE APPLES w/@VisionaryFury

Mike - [[ I’m not the sort to take medication in order to sleep but I had to.No one can go days without sleeping and it not catch up with them. With everything going on I need to be as clear headed as possible. Which is why I took a sleeping pill after leaving La Push. I needed my mind to shut down completely for a while. It would be nice if this was like the Matrix and I had a choice of the red pill or blue pill. I would surely pick the one that could ease all the recent truths I’ve come across.

I had to give myself a pep talk as I got ready for work today. It’s been over a week since I’ve seen Annisa. I know she will be anxious and ready for some sort of update. I have plenty to tell her. I’m not sure how well she will receive any of it though. What I’m proposing to do is a radical idea. I plan to have a shifter pose as a patient to get information on #Zen that can show how corrupt the facility actually is. For me that isn’t the issue. Even though I still find the whole “People shifting into animals” a bit daunting...oh hell no that isn’t the right word. I mean I find it fucking horrifying. What I remind myself is they won’t hurt me or Annisa. They were created to protect us from the real enemy which are vampires. I’ve debated on if I should keep Annisa in the dark about Leah being a wolf.

I think that could backfire if I do. At least she’s finding out before it happens. It can give her time to wrap her mind around the idea. At least she saw for herself the wolf protected her. I still have some details to work out but at least Annisa will know something is happening. I haven’t been hiding in my office trembling in fear. It took a few days but damn...once I recalled my talk with Annisa I found myself a bit embarrassed. I lost it in front of her. I’m the therapist and should keep my cool but everything was too damn fresh. It’s done now there is no going back.

The reminder on my phones goes off alerting me it’s time to meet with Annisa. I haven’t gotten any bad reports about her. That is good. I know how difficult it is for her to behave. I send instructions for the orderlies to bring Annisa to the gardens. The weather is decent and we can both use some fresh air as we talk. ]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: This past week has gone by at a super crawl. I had so many thoughts rush through my brain, things that had never crossed my mind before. It’s always been me against the rest of the world. The idea that I would have someone to commiserate with, had never factored in. I always knew I wanted to get the word out, I just never knew how I would do it.

There was actually one time where I managed to get access to a computer. I started to set up my own Weebly about the reality about the myths in Forks. I got caught, of course, never ended up getting the site published. It could still be there… or the nurse that caught me could have deleted it. Who knows.

Another time, I got access to a phone and called the local newspaper, The Pennisula Daily News. As soon as they found out I was a resident at an insane asylum, they politely ended the call.

Writing letters doesn’t do a damn thing, as I’m sure they never make it past the shredder in the office here. I figured out a long time ago that personal letters aren’t so personal. Zen reads every single word, before deciding which ones to actually allow into the mail. Fucking asshat!

Anyway, now things would be different. I had someone on my side. It wasn’t me against the world anymore! I had someone that could help me achieve all my goals, to assist me in figuring out how to help all those ignorant people out there in Forks, and maybe to save some lucky bastard from ending up like my best friend, shredded and drained of every ounce of blood in her body. Most of all though, I think I was looking forward to finally share my story with someone that would actually listen. I told it so many times to people that looked at me like I had two heads that I finally stopped telling it. This time it would be different. Mike would actually listen, and most important, he would believe.

By the time my two goons arrived at my door, I was just about bouncing off the walls. But, it was finally time! This would be the first therapy session I ever had that mattered. I gave them not one problem as they escorted me down the hall to the exit leading to the garden. Letting out a huge sigh of exhilaration at the idea of actually getting back outside, I stepped through the jambs.

Mike: [[ I’m not the sort to pace but I find myself doing that as I wait for Annisa to arrive. I have a lot of nervous energy coursing through my body and it’s better I pace then try to be still and start twitching. The sun shining is deceiving. The air is crisp, already the skin on my cheeks is starting to sting. Once I start talking I’m sure my body will heat up at least that is my hope.

The alarm to the garden doors go off and I see two orderlies and Annisa coming outside. I nod at the orderlies so they know it’s okay for them to leave. For the first time since meeting Annisa she has life in her eyes. Not just that, I see hope and trust that was never there before. She’s not going to try and drown me out. She is going to engage in conversation with me and I won’t have to worry about her attempting to attack me.

What will be difficult is I’ll have to remind myself where I am. There are cameras all around. We won’t be able to speak freely like we did when Annisa was in solitary. I’m sure #Zen will wonder about this new and improved Annisa if she appears to be too happy or excited. I won’t tell her to tone it down. It may be wrong to say but I like this side of her. I make no mistake in believing she’s not still feisty but I have a glimpse of what she must have looked like before her life turned into a giant nightmare she’s never been able to wake up from.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: As soon as the two numbnuts were back inside I let my gaze fall on Mike for a split second before flashing him a grin and bolting for the wall. I wasn’t making a break for it, and I was sure Mike would know this. This was the wall I sat on the last time we were out here. It offered me the best view of the beach. The one place I missed most in this world.

Once I reached the top, I swung one leg over so I was straddling the wall and plopped my hand down in front of me as an invitation for Mike to join me. The wind whipped my auburn hair across my face, but I barely noticed. Everything felt entirely different today. It was the type of day where I wasn’t sure there was anything that could dampen my spirits. “So doc, what’s on the agenda for today?”

I was eager to hear what Mike had found out since our last meeting. He said he had a plan and I wanted in on the deets. I still wasn’t sure this idea of his wasn’t going to get him in a whole lot of trouble, and after everything I’ve put him though in the past few weeks, that was the last thing I wanted to have happen. Shit! I’d forced him to face a fact that only a few knew about, and it was a terrifying fact, at that. However, just his knowledge that vampires and enormous wolves are real could save his life down the road, so I wasn’t beating myself up for pushing that reality down his throat. I just felt badly for the damage it can do to someone’s psyche to find out the way he had. I’ve been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and wore that shit out! I’ve had six years to come to terms with it, he’s had what, a little over six days?

Mike: [[ Who knew all Annisa needed was to know she had someone on her side to change her demeanor so drastically. She almost skipped to the wall she used to sit on the last time we were out here together. Even though she hasn’t been set free just knowing /I/ knew she wasn’t crazy seems to have altered her outlook about life. She knows I’m not out to trick her or abuse her and that has helped her in ways no one here can imagine. It’s too bad I can’t say the reason behind it. I follow Annisa to the wall and when she extends her hand for me to join her I do it without hesitation. I’m sure whoever is monitoring the garden will think my behavior unorthodox and expect the outcome to be her pushing me off said wall.

Annisa wants to know the details of my plan...well I hope she can handle what I have to say.|| “First of all I’d like to say it’s good to see you in such a good mood. I mean you are talking...not glaring and...you want to share your personal space...that’s progress.” || Yeah I know I’m stalling. Why? Because she may end up thinking I’m batshit crazy for what I’m about propose is going to happen.|| “ Anyway I know you are anxious for what I have in mind so I’ll just come right out with it. I know someone who is a journalist and she has agreed to help me. All I have to do is get the information to her that will expose this place for what it is. We both know I can’t be the one to do it. I’m new and no one is going to trust me enough to show their true colors and if they see me snooping around they will do a better job of keeping it hidden or fire me.  

My journalist friend I tossed around the idea of her coming in undercover as a patient but the issue with that is I have no way of keeping her safe. Plus she has a husband and child. There is no way of knowing how long she’d have to be here. Thankfully, someone else has agreed to take that risk and to be honest I think she will be more than capable of protecting herself. She’ll gather the prove we need and when #Zen is exposed then I’ll be able to get you out of here and you won’t have to worry about anyone mistreating you ever again.” || I stop there to give Annia a moment to process. I’m sure she’ll have questions. I know I would if I was in her situation. ]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: As Mike started in with his compliments of my behavior, I could barely hold my patience and almost screamed out loud, “Yeah, yeah, yeah… get to it!” But, instead I held my breath and waited. Patience has never been my strong suit, but I have learned that Mike does things in his own timeframe and pushing it never quickens the pace, so I just nodded, impatiently, waiting for the good stuff. However, “the good stuff” as I so eloquently put it wasn’t at all what I was expecting.

“Wait… “ I started, more than slightly baffled. Had I just heard him right? “You want to expose someone else to Zen’s malicious treatment?” I stared out to the beach trying to understand Mike’s theory behind this. Bringing my gaze back to him I questioned, “You do remember me telling you the story of him putting me in a straightjacket and catheter before locking me up in solitary for weeks, sometimes months on end?! I don’t care if this woman can fight back, that is only going to make it worse on her.” I wasn’t sure Mike was understanding the extent Zen would go to. “If he has any idea that she is a plant, do you know what he will do to her?” I was afraid to even fathom the numerous ways he would make someone pay for that kind of treachery. “Not to mention what he would do to you if he found out you had anything to do with it? He’d make sure you lost your license, Mike!” I tossed a quick look at the door, knowing that my voice was getting a little too loud. I turned back and in almost a whisper, “You don’t need to lose your life over this.” Another idea popped into my head and I ran with it, “Why doesn’t your friend do a story on me? I can tell her everything that happened, and she can get the word out about the vampires?” Hope dripped from my expression as I awaited a response from Mike.

Mike: [[ No matter how hard I try to omit certain things to try and keep Annia from freaking out it never works. She thinks too much and second guesses everything. It’s not as if I haven’t thought about all her worst case scenario situations. She doesn’t know me well enough to understand the depths that I’m willing to go. I got into this field to help people and if I sit back and worry about myself I’m helping no one. Leave it to Annisa to put the concern of others before herself. I’ll be honest I admire that about her. I sigh and brace myself just in case she tries to push me off the wall as the next set of words come out my mouth.|| “ I’m going to need you to keep an open mind about what I have to say and trust that I would never do anything that would put you in danger. Just like I wouldn’t do it to anyone else. This girl that has agreed to help has an advantage over #Zen or anyone else here with power. Trust me when I say they are in more danger of her then she is with them.”

|| I pause a moment as I try to compose the right words in my head but hell there is no right way to tell Annisa a key factor about Leah.|| “ Leah is a female shifter. So when I say she is able  to take care of herself I mean it. No one here can harm her. She will get the proof we need and you’ll be free and no one else will be hurt again or held here wrongfully.” || If all Annisa wanted to do was speak out about the abuse I’d say yes, she should be interviewed but she wants to expose that vampires exist and she can’t do that.|| “ As far as you spreading the word about the supernatural you can’t do that, Annisa.  Not because people won’t believe you. To know the truth puts you in anger and anyone that you know and care about. There are unspoken rules about keeping all what you know a secret. To be honest the only thing that has more than likely kept you alive is the fact you are here and no one believes what you’ve been declaring all these years. You can’t tell people about what happened to you.”]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: A look of bewilderment washed over my features as the enormity of what MIke told me sunk in. Swallowing down the large lump in my throat, I couldn’t seem to come up with any words to explain the thoughts that were whirling around in my brain. A shifter? Inside the asylum? All I could picture was the wolf that I saw that fateful day, inside, ripping throats out of people. I knew that Mike believed these creatures to be of the friendly variety, and that they only attack vampires, but I had seen these things in action and I don’t know if I wanted to be anywhere in the same vicinity as one again. “I, uh… “ I didn’t even know where to go with that sentence. I was sure my face had lost all color to it, but I was at a total loss. “What if… “ Nope. Wasn’t finishing that sentence either. Way too many “What ifs.” What if this shifter lost it and attacked the staff? Attacked Zen? I didn’t really like the guy, but I wasn’t sure I was interested in being a part of his actual death. What if she lost it and attacked the patients? Most of them were already batshit crazy! They didn’t need to add that to their already insane nightmares. What if Mike trusted this Leah person and she ended up attacking him? I shook my head. This was so not where I thought any of this was going. “I don’t need to get out of here. I don’t plan on ever leaving. That is my fate, Mike. I’ve accepted it. This is my life. I just want to get the word out so that others don’t end up like Sara, or even me. If I can stop one person from a fate like either of ours, it would all be worth it. I don’t care if I’m safe! Let them come for me. What kind of life do I have ahead of me, anyway?” I didn’t realize it, but the thoughts rattling around in my head were causing me to cry. Tears were streaming down my face the whole time I had been talking and I was only realizing it now. I turned toward the ocean as I wiped them away on the back of my sleeve. However, I was way too discombobulated to be embarrassed by it.

Mike:[[ I’ve been trained to handle patients being emotional. It comes with the job. The issue is I wasn’t used to seeing Annisa cry. Fly into a rage yes but crying no...well there was that time in group but that was different. Why I find it so disarming I don’t know. I touch Annisa’s shoulder to get her to look at me. I want her to trust that I know what I’m doing. || “ Annisa...I know what I’m telling you is a lot to take in. I’m asking you to trust me about something that is scary. Yes, I’ve seen the shifters but you’ve seen them do damage. I get the prospect of having one here is horrifying. I’ve known this girl a while I just didn’t know her secret. I have no doubt you’ll be safe along with everyone else. I want you to stop thinking being here is it for you. That isn’t so. You are going to have a real life outside of this place. What I need for you to do is to trust me. No matter how insane this plan seems to be you’ll trust I know what I’m doing. I know that is a lot to ask but if you do then I promise your life will change for the good.”

|| The only issue we have other than Annisa not freaking out about Leah is the fact she still is hell bent on sharing the truth. I won’t have her getting killed because she’s stubborn. || “ One more thing. I need you to think about my warning. You can’t tell anyone about vampires and shifters. It’s something people can’t know about Annisa. I need you to promise me you’ll give up the idea of getting the word out about that. It will only bring you more trouble.” ]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: Shrugging away from Mike’s hand, I couldn’t believe he was asking of me what he was. There were so many ways this could go upside down, and every single one of them involved people getting severely hurt. My mission was to protect people from these creatures, not expose people to them! “I don’t think you know what it is you are asking of me. You don’t understand what I saw, what I went through. You may think these friends of yours are harmless. I assure you, I’ve seen otherwise. And yes, maybe it was going after a… “ I brought my voice to a whisper for the next word, “vampire, but I don’t have the assurances that you seem to have, that it might not have turned on me next.” I remembered trying to scurry away when the wolf attacked, however I slipped, hit my head on a rock, and the next thing I knew I was waking up at the hospital. I had been found at the bottom of a deep ravine. Apparently, I had slid down into it after knocking myself out on the rock. I had always assumed the wolf couldn’t get down to me, there.

Tearing myself from my memories, I continued, “Not to mention, what if your plan does work? Do you really think they are going to give us all walking papers? Can you see them setting Brandy loose on the world? Or, worse yet, Cory? They are just going to transfer us to a new facility.” I turned back to my favorite view. “Like I said, I’m never getting out of here, and I’m good with that. I made my peace with that a long time ago.” Giving Mike a hard stare, “ What I won’t do, however, is give up on getting the word out. I don’t care how dangerous it is for me. People are dying out there! Do you get that?”

Mike: [[ It’s a done deal. Leah is coming into the facility to help, I won’t change my  mind about that. The trauma Annisa went through seeing a horse sized wolf tear the vampire to pieces was too severe for me to expect her to just say “okay it’s a good plan”. There isn’t anything she can do to stop it. It’s not as if Annisa would tell anyone in this place Leah is a wolf. Who would believe her? Am I going to say all of that to her? Of course not. Just like arguing with her concerning keeping her mouth shut about going public with the supernatural would be a mistake. I can only deal with one crisis at a time. No one is going to think she’s credible while in this place. They will assume it to be all in the delusions of her mind. It’s when Annisa is released I’ll have to find a way to keep her quiet.

I sigh and rub my hands over my face. Annisa is stubborn and strong willed. Once she is set in her mind about something that’s it. It’s one of the reasons why she ended up in this place for so long. She was smart enough to learn to say what the counselors wanted to hear, she just refused to.|| “ I’m not expecting you to think my plan is the greatest in the world. If I had another one I’d be glad to play it out. This is it, Annisa. Now that I know the truth about this place I can’t ignore it. You are right not everyone will be released when the truth is revealed. Some will be transferred to places that will give them the care they deserve. /You/ on the other hand will be freed. I’ll make sure of it. We don’t have to worry about that right now. Lets focus on one task at a time. Which is to reveal this place is corrupt.” ]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: Good fucking God was he infuriating! Did he ever listen to a single word anyone said? “You know, for a therapist, you don’t listen for shit!” There was no way in hell I was going along with this ridiculously stupid plan. He wanted to lock me, and everyone else in here, up with one of those wolves? I think maybe he belonged in this insane asylum more than I did. At least I wasn’t actually crazy. No one but him knew that, but I wasn't. He, on the other hand, was proving to be severely disturbed. How did he possibly think this was a good idea?

Turning on the wall so I could see the beach, I wondered how this had all gone so wrong. I only wanted someone to believe in me. That was it. Someone that could help me get my story out, a cautionary tale, a warning, a way to protect people. I didn’t want this to be about me. I never wanted it to be about me. Didn’t he get that? This was so much bigger than me. He said to focus on one task at a time. That’s what I was doing. I was focusing on my task, my mission, the one that warned people of the very real threat out there in the world. I never should have mentioned what Zen was up to. I don’t even remember why I had. I guess it didn’t matter anymore. Couldn’t put that genie back in the bottle.

Retuning my gaze to Mike, I shook my head as I warned him. “I won’t go along with this, Mike. I won’t let you put all these people in danger. Are you seriously that irresponsible?”

Mike: [[ If I’d met Annisa under the right circumstances it would be easy for me to be mesmerized by the color of her eyes. They are inflamed with emotion right now. If I were in her shoes I more than likely would feel the same way as she does. The difference is I may not have known about the La Push secret growing up but I know and trust Angela. She is married to a shifter and she would never put herself and her son in danger. I trust her enough to believe if she says bringing Leah in on this is a good idea then it is. Annisa will have to see that for herself. I feel in some ways we are back at square one. Yes, I know she’s telling the truth but we are at odds with how to proceed from here. Too bad for Annisa I’m just as stubborn as she is. How can I be so irresponsible? How can I not do what it takes to bring #Zen down? How can I walk into this place day after day and ignore the injustices happening around me? It’s worth the risk to me. ||

“ Here is where we’ll have to agree to disagree. You say I’m being irresponsible and I say not doing anything would be what’s irresponsible. I don’t believe in coincidences. I could have been hired anywhere but this is the place I settled on. Just like I believe you were assigned to me for a reason. I’m sorry that my plan isn’t sitting right with you but trust me when I say I didn’t come to this decision lightly.” || Before Annisa can say anything else my watch goes off indicating my time out here has to come to an end.|| “ I have to go but you are welcome to remain out here for another thirty minutes before the orderlies will come to take you back to your room. I’ve placed in your chart part of your treatment plan is to once again have your outdoor time along with level two clearance. That means you are no longer expected to stay in your room between breakfast and dinner. It will grant you some much deserved freedom.” ||   What I don’t tell Annisa is the reason for granting this new level of freedom is to assure Leah will have access to her when needed. It won’t be as easy if Annisa is locked up in her room all the time. My prayer is Annisa can behave and not get my decision overturned by #Zen. He wasn’t happy about signing off on this.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: He’s fucking serious! He’s going to go forward with this, whether I agree or not. How can I be more clear? I won’t help him, I won’t befriend this Leah person, and I won’t help her see what Zen is doing. I knew one way of getting my point across. I didn’t even wait for him to get to the door. I faced the beach, jumped off the wall, and ran.

#HowDoYouLikeThoseApples

[betrayedvirtue]

DUTY

Elation. Absolute, pure, unadulterated elation was the only way to describe the emotion surging through my body as I paced the floor to my room. It had only been minutes since the two goons had delivered me back and I couldn’t hold back this fervor. Someone else believed me. Someone else has learned my truth to be reality. I have to be honest. There were times over the past five years where I doubted my own memories, where I wondered if what they all had been saying about me was true. Had I really made it all up in my head? Had none of it really happened? Could I truly be as crazy as they all said? Did I really belong in this place? But then, the memories would come flooding back to me in a dream and I would experience them so intensely I knew I couldn’t have fabricated it all. There was no way I could have contrived of some of those details. The smell of the blood, the sound of bones cracking under the pressure of the wolf’s jaw, the feel of the warm blood dripping down my face as I screamed in horror… these were things one could only experience to completely understand how they felt. 

Today, everything was different, though. Yes, I was still a patient at Birch Marian, I still had to go to art class and group and therapy sessions, I still longed to see my beach one more time, and even though I still knew I was never getting out of my containment, I was no longer alone. Someone else stood beside me. Never again would I ever have to have a flicker of doubt about myself. 

However, elation wasn’t the only emotion I was experiencing tonight. I was also mournful in a way of Mike’s innocence to the whole situation. I felt bad for my part in him discovering it all. Seeing him break down in front of me was a real slap in the face. I had thought about what this might all mean to him, once he found out the truth. Yet, somehow, the reality of it all was nothing like I had expected. Honestly, I’m not sure what I expected. A full on breakdown had not been on the list. I don’t know why it wasn’t. What would be the anticipated response to finding out that vampires and ginormous wolves existed? I guess I hadn’t fully thought it all through. Was it worth putting someone else through the revelation of it all, the emotional turmoil of what he will end up going through? I didn’t know. I guess only time would give us an answer on that.

For now, what was important was getting the word out there. People needed to know. Too many people were falling victim to my realities. I remember hearing about one family from Colorado. They had come to Washington on vacation. Apparently, they had some family in Forks and decided to visit. While here, they took their three children camping… in the woods… near Forks. People! There are no campgrounds in the area for a reason. Nope, this family went hiking, picked a spot of their own and set up camp. Four of them returned in body bags. The parents and two of the children, ages 6, and 10. The 8 year old boy somehow made it out but, wouldn’t talk to anyone after the incident. Animal attacks, probably bear, they said. My fucing ass! That poor kid. I could completely sympathize. The news of the story had broke about two years after I had been admitted so, I knew the truth. I tried to tell my therapists and doctors but, no one would listen. I didn’t want that 8 year old boy’s story to turn into something like mine. That was my turning point. I no longer cared as much about getting myself out, as I did about getting the word out. All I cared about was making sure that no more people died, or suffered due to the ignorance and stubbornness of people not wanting to believe in something just because they are too scared to allow it to be real in their minds. They would rather spit in the myth’s face and go out hiking, or camping to spite the whole idea of vampires and enormous wolves, just to end up dead. I knew the truth, and it was my duty to make sure they all knew it, too. #Duty

[betrayedvirtue]

SOLITARY w/@VisionaryFury

Annisa: Here we go again… It was time for my next meeting with Mike, and they weren’t even letting me out of solitary for it. Yup, this was turning into typical Zen101. I don’t know why I ever bothered to allow myself to the illusion of any kind of hope with Mike. This was becoming just like everything else: sleep, eat, shit, shower, repeat. Get Annisa’s hopes up, pretend to care about who she actually is, give her a few inches, then rip the floor out from under her and watch her smash her face right into it, then begin it all over again. I’ll tell you one thing. This was fucking it. Never again was I going to give anyone else the chance to do any of this to me again. I was done! Finito! Over it! Wall built, steel girdered and cemented. One hundred feet tall and twenty feet thick. No one was getting over or through that fucker ever again.

I didn’t even put up a fight when the orderlies came in to put me back into my monkey suit. No point. I was shutting myself down, closing myself off from everything from today on forward, including the two goons that enjoyed spending their time torturing me. Not to say I was broken. I was just fed up, fed up with giving people any kind of power over me. From now on, it would all be on my terms.

Mike: [[ I’m not sure why I thought going to La Push was a good idea...I never should have made any sort of deals with Annisa regarding finding out the truth about what goes bump in the night. Ignorance is fucking bliss. That is what I told myself as I scrubbed down in my shower. As if the soap and water could wash away the memory of Embry morphing into a giant dog before my eyes. The girlish scream caught his attention along with his buddies and for the next several hours, I got a crash course in what is real in the world of the supernatural. All I wanted to do was take a xanax and check out on life for a bit but no… I got a call from the hospital regarding Annisa. She broke our promise and got herself put in lock up. If she thinks I’ll save her she’s wrong. She only had to do one thing! After the night I’ve had I can’t do this anymore. So I find myself dragging on clothes not caring if they match or not. I  leave instructions to have Annisa restrained and I was on my way.

I don’t care what her reasons may be for what she’s done. I put myself out there and now I’ve stumbled across something I wish I could take back. What am I supposed to do with this information? The wolves say it’s a secret and me knowing about it puts me and my family in danger. I can’t even say Annisa is worth all that. Not after tonight. Not after she’s shown just how ungrateful she can fucking be. ]]

Annisa: Once dumb and dumber put me into the straightjacket, I swung my legs back up on the bed and tucked them under myself, facing the wall farthest from the door. Mike was getting my back today, and not much else. I’m sure he was going to be furious at me for my little stunt in the dining room but, I didn’t care. Furious didn’t even cover what I was at him. He had made promises to me, promises that he knew were huge for me, and hadn’t followed through. Every single day had been an eternity for me. I’d been in here over five years. How many times in my file had is shown that I had been toyed with, talked into believing that someone believed me, shown that someone thought solitary confinement might help me get over my “lies”, shown that I had pretty much been given up on by my parents, friends, and therapists? What gave Mike the right to make me the promises that he had, only to not see it through, maybe hoping that it would gain him traction or trust with me? Nothing gave him that right! Somehow, I had allowed it, though. Not anymore. That chapter had closed. This place could do what it wanted with me. From now on, it was all my way or the fucking highway, and tonight, I knew, Mike was going to want it to be his way. By showing him my back, I was letting him know I was done.

I heard the locking mechanism on the door clank. Here we go…

Mike: [[ I think I did over 100 the whole way to the facility and when I get there I don’t have any words for anyone other than security. I wanted the camera to Annisa’s room shot down for a while along with the audio. It’s done without question. The guards, therapists, and admin do it all the time and everyone knows it. At least in my case it’s not for something bad. What I have to share with Annisa can’t be heard by anyone. My body has been shaking since I left La Push. I’m doing my best to control my tremors now but the closer I get to Annisa the anger wells up inside me making it more difficult to control my body. Her door swings open once I swipe my card and I step into the room.

Annisa is sitting on the bed with her back to me. Why is that not a surprise? Well she can stay that way for all I care. I don’t need to see her fucking face as I talk. I’m not trying to reach her on some deep level or any shit like that. All I want to do is let her know I did my part and know the truth. Is it going to help her in any way? No...I run my fingers through my hair as I start to pace the room. I’m too amped up to remain still.

“ So...I guess it was too fucking much for me to expect you’d keep your end of the bargain? You rant and rant about me keeping my promises but you can go and do whatever shit you  want? You have no clue what you’ve done!” || I sigh and keep walking, I wasn’t here to lecture Annisa. I just feel so frustrated, angry, scared, horrified...and thought I’d be able to come here and tell her yes, there is validity to her claims and I was going to find a way to help her but fuck! She could just control herself for another day! My world is turned upside down and for what? Someone who sabotages herself when things don’t go her way. ]]

Annisa: Yup. Shit has definitely hit the fan. There was no way in hell Mike would be talking to me like that if the cameras and mikes were on. That told me everything I need to know… he was just like the rest of them. All sweet and nice in the beginning, trying to get you on your good side, get you to trust them, try to be the one that can reach the most fucked up patient on the roster. But, when they realize I’ve been through it all before, I’ve played their games, they aren’t going to win with me. That’s when things change. That’s when they start overmedicating me, trying to make me more compliant. Then they toss me into solitary, sometimes for weeks on end, which I’m sure is illegal but, that wouldn’t be the only illegal thing that happened to me here. I’ve been beaten in these rooms. Solitary is a favorite place for the beatings because it’s so fucking quiet and far away from everything else. Well, if he was going to skip the overmedication part and just go straight to the beatings with me, so fucking be it. I may be confined but, I still have ways of fighting back.

Gritting my teeth in preparation for the first attack, I didn’t turn around. I wasn’t giving him that satisfaction.

Mike: [[ I don’t expect Annisa to respond to me. I’m not ranting for that reason. I just need to get the words out. It’s the only reason why I’m here right now. I turn away from Annisa and hit the padded wall. || “ Fuck! Why did they have to give me you for a case? I would have been fine if I never met you. Being ignorant of the monsters in the dark was just fine with me. But no...I had to fucking dig because you had potential and I thought you were wasting your life behind these walls. Good job Mike!” || I sarcastically pat myself on the back and continue pacing. I have to figure out what I’m going to do with Annisa. I can’t pretend as if she deserves to be here when she doesn’t but at the same time. I can’t help someone who clearly doesn’t want my help.

Then there is the fact I don’t want to help her anymore . I put myself out there and at every turn she put up an unnecessary fight. I glance over at her and shake my head. She didn’t have to be in this room like a caged animal but she made the choice. All I keep thinking is all she had to do was wait one more day and this could have been over for her. I would have done all I  could to get her out of here. I’m not so sure about that now. Is that wrong? Yeah but I’m not in my right mind at the moment. ]]

Annisa: I let him continue on his rampage, wondering just how long I was going to have to listen to it before the beating started. Because, once the beating started, it would be over pretty quick. It was the ranting and lecturing that always took the longest. Maybe, partially because they felt kinda bad once they realized they were beating on someone that had restraints on? Only partially, though. Most of these therapists were long past caring. I think Zen specifically picked them out just for that reason.

As I sat there waiting for that first swing, something occurred to me… he said he liked being ignorant about the monsters in the dark… I swung around so fast my I almost fell off the bed. “Wait! What do you mean you LIKED being ignorant?” I couldn’t believe what he said! Did that mean what I think it did? Had he actually gone and dug deep enough to discover my truth? How? Where? What did he learn? How much did he know? Did he know just enough to scrape the surface? Or had he learned way more than that? I watched him pace around the room like a wild animal in a cage, eyes darting around like he was expecting something to jump out at him… He had actually SEEN something! I knew that look in his eyes. I had that look in my eyes for months after my attack. Shit! Had he gotten too close? I began to worry. What had I gotten him into? He looked okay. I didn’t see any obvious wounds or anything on him.

“Stop pacing and tell me, what did you find out?!”

Mike: [[ I’m so into my own mind I don’t notice Annisa is now looking in my direction and soaking in the words coming out of my mouth. I stop pacing mid stride and snort sarcastically…|| “ Oh nothing much...just watched a childhood friend’s husband turn into a big ass wolf right in front of  me! Oh and guess what? Since I know the “secret” about vampires my life and the lives of my family are in danger. Guess the fuckers are sensitive about their food source knowing about them!” || I go back to pacing as I pull at my hair. I found out way too much shit today and the last thing I needed was to have to play therapist to a out of control Annisa.|| “ So congratulations...you aren’t the only one in the know anymore.” || I rub my hands over my face and feel the need to not continue going down this path. Instead I change the subject. ||

“Why are you here Annisa? All I asked was for you to keep  out of trouble and you set out to get yourself put in here.” || Why am I asking? I just told myself I don’t care. What she does doesn’t matter anymore. Yet the words fall out my mouth anyway. ]]

Annisa: I couldn’t believe he’d actually seen one of the ginormous wolves! “You mean, you KNOW a wolf?” That probably came out a little apathetic towards Mike’s own wellbeing and not at all how I meant it to sound but, I was just so blown away that the wolves weren’t just that. I had always assumed that the old wives tales were only partially true. That vampires were real and the wolves on steroids were real but, I didn’t believe that the wolves were actually humans that shifted into them. I figured that was just the truth, blown up to make a good story. This had changed everything! I wasn’t all alone anymore. Mike knew I wasn’t crazy. Sure, he was a little upset about it all right now but, who wouldn’t be? He just needed some time to adjust. He’d calm down. I just needed to give him some time and space to do that. Which, now that I knew he had actually kept his promise, I had no problems doing so. I did make light of his concern about his life being in danger, though. I mean seriously, I’ve been shouting about it for years. No one’s ever come after me. Although, I didn’t think he needed to hear my opinion on that, at the moment. He was a bit too disturbed to dispute that point with him.

Looking around, after he asked me about being in solitary, my brow furrowed slightly. “Look, I’m sorry. You weren’t getting anywhere and I didn’t think you were holding up your end of the bargain. I’ve been here over five years. You don’t know how many times I’ve been lied to over the years.” I paused. He was already pissed. Nothing I was going to say was going to change that. I had the luxury of now knowing that it was mostly because of what he’d seen and learned. He’d cool off… and when he did, he’d want to know everything.

Mike: [[ Blah...blah...blah...that is what the words sound like that are coming out of Annisa’s mouth. I don’t want to hear about her trust issues. I don’t recall anywhere in her file speaking about a therapist making a promise to check out her story. Some  may have pretended to believe her but none of them took the leap of faith I did. None of them put their job on the line the way I did. I gave her freedoms none of the other dared to do. I stopped the meds, took away the restraints, and gave her time outside everyday. I tried to show her what it was like to live again. I did it not expecting anything in return other then she behave. That could only benefit her in the long run. Now because of her last stunt she’s dug a hole she may not be able to get out of. || “ Be that as it may, your last stunt will cost you Annisa. #Zen is watching your case carefully and you are on your way out. He’s just itching for a reason to send you away and there would be nothing I could do to stop it. You are too intelligent to not realize there are consequences to your actions.” || Yes, what Annisa has done is bad but not enough to have her send away anywhere but she doesn’t have to know that. For once I need her to understand her worst enemy right now is herself. ]]

Annisa: Pfft. Mike’s insecurities about Zen and how closely he was watching me didn’t even phase me in the least. Over the past five years, and not once have I been threatened to be sent away, especially not for something as stupid as a food fight in the dining room. Shit, those happened weekly, be it by me, or someone else. I wasn’t worried. I waved a dismissive hand at the whole comment.

Back to the point, he now KNEW! “So, if you just saw your friend’s husband change, how did you find out about vampires? They weren’t there too, were they? There wasn’t an attack or anything? That wasn’t why you saw them turn, was it?” Shit! I would have felt pretty bad about that. I wanted him to discover the truth, not run straight into it. “Tell me, what else did you find out? How much did you learn?”

There was one thing I was dying to ask him but, I could tell now was the worst time in the world for it. I wanted to know if he could do anything for me, now that he knew. I wasn’t exactly sure how. What? Was he going to come forward and tell Zen that he had seen that I was telling the truth? I don’t know but, there had to be some way he could help me now. Again, important but, not immediate. He was still too disturbed by the whole thing. I would bide my time on that question.

Mike: [[Throwing out #Zen’s name does not seem faze Annisa in the least, the last thing I want to do is relive the horror I experienced in La Push. A part of me wants to withhold the information out of spite. All this time she never wanted to hear anything I had to say but now that it has to do with her precious vampires, Annisa is all ears. I’m sounding rather bitter and petty but I don’t give a damn. I’ve been to hell and back, I’m trying to come to terms with something that shouldn’t be scientifically possible! People shouldn’t be able to turn into animals, just like vampires shouldn’t be real.

Without me realizing it, I go back to pacing. I tell myself if I hold all this in it will make me crazy I’m not doing this for Annisa, I’m doing it for myself. || “No, there was no fight and I didn’t see any vampires. I was trespassing in my friend’s backyard and saw her husband change. He didn’t know I was there or he wouldn’t have done it. He had no choice but to explain it all to me and the reasons why not to tell anyone what I saw. I fucking went to school with vampires and didn’t know it!” || Annisa is forgotten for a moment as my mind drifts back to my high school years.|| “I knew the Cullen’s were fucking weird but they weren’t human! The fuck!” ||

I’m overwhelmed by what I’m saying and find myself sliding down the padded wall. What am I supposed to do this this information? My head hangs down as I let out a slow and shaky breath. || “ Fuck…fuck…fuck…”]]

Annisa: Okay, things were suddenly taking a turn for the twilight zone. My therapist wasn’t supposed to break down in front of me. I was the one that was supposed to do that in front of him, and he was the one that was supposed to pull me back up and set me straight. Then again, when you’ve witnessed what he has… I probably shouldn’t be the one he’s talking to right now. He should have his own therapist to talk to. But, it’s not exactly a topic he could discuss with anyone other than me. Well, maybe his friend and her husband? I definitely felt badly for bringing him into this world of mine but, at the same time, he was the one that offered. I didn’t put a gun to his head about this. He suggested it. As a matter of fact, he dangled it in front of me as a way to get me to behave in front of his boss… which I had for three or so weeks! So, I started a food fight. I had been good for three whole weeks! Anyway, this was all his idea. What was his plan for if he found out I was right? He had to have thought about it. Something in his gut must have told him there was substance to what I was telling him, otherwise my situation wouldn’t have gotten under his skin as badly as it had. At the same time, imagining all this was real and seeing it, experiencing it, knowing it was read were two totally different sides of the coin!

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could think to say. And, I did mean it. I was sorry for how he was feeling. I was sorry he ended up in this reality with me. I was sorry for all the confusion that must have been screaming through his veins right now. In a way, I was even sorry that he became my therapist. I wasn’t sorry that I had someone to share my terror, though. I had needed that for five years, and even though he was intensely pissed off at me right now, he would get over that. There was a world full of people out there that knew nothing about our world. Because, that’s what it was now, our world. A world that we both belonged to, that next to no one else did. That connected us in a way that would force him to get past his petty frustrations with me over starting that food fight. In the grand scheme of things, a simple food fight vs. vampires and wolves that stood almost six feet tall at their withers… yeah, no comparison.

Mike: [[ The words coming from Annisa’s mouth splash on me like a pail of cold water. She’s sorry...and how the fuck is that going to help me now? With my head still lowered I start to open and close my hands slowly. Keeping my focus there as I try to get a handle on my breathing. Come on Mike...you need to get it together. Breathe...in...out...in...out...I don’t know how long I’m doing this before the ringing in my head stops and I’m no longer light headed. Chances are I just experienced my first anxiety attack. Under the circumstances the fact that’s all going on with me is a miracle. When I feel under control my head lifts and I look at Annisa.|| “ You are sorry for what? The food fight or the fact I now know the boogeyman is real? I’m sure seeing me fall apart before your eyes must bring on a curtain amusement for you. I assure you no amount of college could have equipped me for this life lesson.” ||

I stand up slowly and wobble a bit before walking toward where Annisa is. There is no point in keeping her retrained any longer. Whatever lesson it was supposed to teach she’s beyond that at this point. || “ Turn around and I’ll undo the restraints. There’s no need for it. At this juncture there’s no point to anything anymore.” ]]

Annisa: Looking over at Mike, I watched as he still tried to process everything. I knew what he was going through. I had been in his position before… only I was being attacked when I found out so, as far as I’m concerned, he’s got it a little better than I did. I wasn’t going to tell him I thought that, though. However, I couldn’t stop myself from biting back, “You think I was prepared? You think that while hiking in the woods with my best friend and suddenly a vampire attacked, mauled, and killed her, then a six-foot tall wolf jumped in and attacked the vampire, I was all calm and shit?! I don’t think anything prepares you for something like that!” I stopped as I tried to collect myself. He was lashing out, and in turn so was I. When the hell did I become the somewhat levelheaded one in this situation.

Taking a deep breath in, I turned so he could unbuckle my monkey suit. I spoke quietly, “I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing, the confusion and probably horror you’re feeling right now. I’ve been there. It may have been five years ago but, I relive it everyday. I remember how it feels.” Quickly, I added, “But, in all fairness, this was your idea.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was the wrong thing to say but, it was too late. There was no taking them back so, I moved on, “As far as the food fight is concerned,” I hesitated for a minute, wondering if my response was going to piss him off even more, or make him laugh. I was hoping for the later. “It was fun, and those two goons really got what was coming to them.”

Mike: [[ It could be so easy for me to allow the fucked up words to fly out my mouth that come to mind. The sane part of me prevents it though. I continue to unstrap the suit as I keep talking to Annisa. One thing I tell myself is being in this place for the amount of time Annisa has been stops her from interacting without a filter. She’s going to say exactly what is on her mind and how it affects the person listening doesn’t matter. If she riles them up good, if they don’t care whatever. It’s how she is. I do believe her when she says she’s sorry for what I’m experiencing. It’s good I’m not hearing an “I told you so” right now. I don’t appreciate the comment about it being my idea. Annisa has no idea why I stuck my neck out for her. Once I’m done unstrapping her I back away and snort as I keep listening to her. Her type of fun is going to get her locked away for good if she keeps it up.||

“ Yeah, I volunteered to check out your claims. I did it because I wanted you to see my desire to help you was sincere. I can’t speak for anyone from your past but from the moment we met I’ve always had your best interest at heart. I always felt there was something to your claims but the truth was buried deep. Was my suggestion to search for the truth drastic? Yes, but I did it because I’m your last resort Annisa before this place declares you a lost cause. Zen showed up at our session to see if my claims you are doing better was bullshit or not. I made the deal with you to keep you here so I can help you and you are fucking that up with your need to have some fun and fuck with the “goons”. Don’t you know the best way to say fuck you to this place is to walk out of here of your own accord and they realize they couldn’t break you? Your behavior is playing right into their hands.” ]]

Annisa: Mike was finally beginning to show some signs of calming down. This was a good thing. I didn’t like crazy Mike, on the verge of banging his head against the wall Mike, about to start speaking in tongues Mike. I liked sane, in control, nice Mike. I wasn’t too keen on therapist Mike but, even him I’d rather deal with than spooked Mike.

I stretched out my arms once Mike had the jacket off me. I don’t think people realized just how constricting those things were. And the buckle that held it on at the crotch… yeah, let’s just say supremely uncomfortable doesn’t even cut it!

“So, you thought you’d get on my good side by telling me you’d look into it, get me to behave. If you didn’t think there was substance to my claims, what was your plan for once you discovered it was all a lie? How were you going to continue to control me then? Wouldn’t that have spun me out of control, in turn creating the exact event that would have gotten me thrown out? As you say, that is what you’re trying to protect me from.

“As far as saying fuck you to this place, I haven’t believed I was going to walk out of this place for at least three and a half years. Why not make my fun where I can? I’ve been lied to, strung along, beat to shit, locked up and left for weeks with a catheter in me, just so Zen wouldn’t have to deal with letting me out of that,” I pointed to the straightjacket on the bed “fucking thing. I’m sure you didn’t know about all that, did you? I’m sure Zen doesn’t make notes about that in my file, does he?!”

Now, it was my turn to pace. Finally, I stopped and looked Mike right in the eyes. “Question is, now that you know the truth, what will you do about it? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect you to join in on my parade and end up right alongside me, in this place. But… what happens now?” In a way, I’m just relieved to have someone believe me. I don’t know where things go from here. But today, I am finally not alone and that means the world to me.

Mike: [[ I don’t flinch when Annisa gets into my face. It would do no good for her to attack me now. Not when I’m the only one that could advocate for her. She asks a question that I’ve been asking myself since the day I made the deal with her. I was hopping in the end I didn’t find any proof but deep down I knew I would. I fold my arms over my chest and shrug my shoulders. || “I wasn’t trying to be deceptive. I figured if the truth ended up you were delusional then I’d figure out a way to help you see the truth. None of that matters now since we both know what you saw in the forest was in fact real. I understand you being pass the point of believing you’d leave this place in your lifetime but the fact remains you know now to not give up hope. What are my intentions? To be honest I don’t know. You can’t remain here I know that much. I can’t go to Zen and tell him what I saw or you and me will become roommates. I’ll have to think outside the box with this.” || I sigh and take a step closer to Annisa. I keep my eyes focused on her eyes as I continue to speak. I was supposed to waltz in here with the intention of taking my frustration out on her and show Annisa who had the upper hand but I’m too mentally depleted and after her comment about #Zen I won’t be that sort of asshole. What she says about him does give me an idea  though on how I might be able to get her out of here. || “Wait a minute... I need you to tell me something. I’ve heard stories about the therapist taking their authority too far or making what the patients do too personal but are you telling me #Zen abused you? If that is the case there is a way I may be able to get you out of here without bringing up what we know to be true.” ]]

Annisa: ‘Not to give up hope.’ He said. I almost laughed out loud at that comment. I had lost hope years ago. Hope for me was long gone. My concern was more for the people of Forks. The people I’d left behind. Not necessarily my family and friends. They’d all thought I lost my marbles and as far as I was concerned, could go fuck themselves. I’m talking about the innocent ones. The ones that went missing every year. The ones that would go missing, if they didn’t know about what was happening. People had to know.

I was about to open my mouth to convey my intentions to Mike when he jumped in with his next revelation. Did Zen abuse me? Shit! I’ve been trying to tell people about Zen’s little side zoo for years and no one has believed a word I’ve said. How is that going to change now? It’s not as if I have any kind of proof. People have even seen the bruises I’ve had over the years and never said a word. It was as if it was accepted by all, part of the “therapy” here. “Abuse me? He abuses all the patients. Weren’t you given the 101 on that before you started? I’ve always assumed that therapists were put through some kind of background check to make sure they were seedy enough before hiring them. He��s been doing it longer than I’ve been here. It’s part of the status quo. He’s never been reprimanded for it. As a matter of fact, there have been a couple times since I’ve been here that a claim actually went through by some important patient, and somehow, it gets lost in the system. I’m pretty sure he’s greasing someone’s palms.” Mike now had his head in the clouds if he thought he was going to beat Zen’s system. “I’m not getting out of here, Mike. I just want to protect the people of Forks. How can we do that?”

Mike: [[ Annisa doesn’t know my background and why I got into this field. I’m here to make a difference. That can’t happen if I keep my head in the sand about any injustices happening around this place. || “ If you want to save the world then I have to get you out of here. If you think I’ll sit back and keep my mouth shut about shady shit happening then you don’t know me at all. Which in all fairness I guess you wouldn’t. #Zen is going down and any other fuck in here that plays his games will as well. He’s smart, I’ll be smarter. I have friends who wouldn't stand for this sort of abuse. They will help me.” || My brain is going faster than my mouth should. I’d have to ask those people for help first. “Those people” may include wolves from La Push… Annisa is looking at me as if I’ve jumped off the sanity train for good. I can’t blame her it sounds crazy to me too. I walked into this place for one reason and something bigger is happening. I reach out and place a hand on Annisa’s shoulder.|| “ Look...if I’m willing to discover the truth you’ve known all this time I can dig up any dirt #Zen may have concerning his patients. I won’t leave you in here Annisa and I will do my best to make sure you are never hurt again. I guess it will be too much to ask  for you to not do anything else to amuse yourself?” ]]

Annisa: Mike really was out of his mind. There was no way in hell he was going to go up against Zen and win, let alone get me out of here. I wasn’t quite sure what he was thinking. This place was as sleazy as they came. How was he going to uncover a truth that everyone already knew was happening? Then again, he was new here. Who was I to try and stop him? However, I was touched at his comment that he wouldn’t leave me in here and he would do his best to make sure no one hurt me again. I wondered if he really meant the sincerity behind it. As I said before, I had no delusions that I was ever getting out of here, nor did I have any that Zen was going to pay for all he’s done. But, did Mike really believe in his words, like it sounded he did?

This whole night had really taken a turn. I had gone from expecting another beating to being promised freedom. I wasn’t going to hold Mike to my freedom. He didn’t know he was promising something he couldn’t give me. It had just been a roller coaster of a night, though.

I hemmed and hawed a little in response to Mike’s question. I wanted to be able to promise him I’d behave but, he was asking because he believed he was going to be able to get me out of here. I knew better. Suddenly, I had another thought. “Wouldn’t it be better if you could gain proof of Zen’s abuse? If he’s as pissed off at me as you say he is, me misbehaving will provoke him into doing something. Then, we could get proof?” Again, not going to get us anywhere but, I’d have fun doing it and at the least, it would cause a few inconveniences for Zen, trying to ward off Mike’s accusations.

As I thought more about it, I began to change my mind. If Mike accused Zen of abuse and Zen’s slippery palms got him out of it, Mike could lose his job. Worse yet, he could lose his license. I’ve already disrupted his life enough. “Forget it. Let’s find another way. I’ll behave and you can get me computer privileges or something. I’ll set up a blog and spread the word that way.” I knew I was grasping at straws. There was no way they would grant a patient computer privileges but, it was the only thing that came to mind.

Mike: [[ I feel a sudden burst of righteous indignation as the magnitude of what Annisa and I are talking about comes crashing down on me. Even though there is still the issue of the supernatural shit fucking with my head, a new tangible issue is staring me in the face. In this moment I know I’ve failed Annisa and every other patient in this hospital. If what she says is true… no I know it’s true. I’ve heard things but tried to give #Zen the benefit of the doubt and leave what I heard as rumors. Annisa isn’t the only patient who has tossed out hints that they have been mistreated within this facility. I have to ask myself why would someone like Zen take a chance on hiring a newbie. Best answer would be because I’m new and pliable. From the moment I was interviewed I saw #Zen as this awesome guy  I wanted to learn from and he’s used it to his advantage. Well he picked wrong. I won’t be his puppet.

A frown crosses my features at the mention of Annisa putting herself in harm's way to gather proof. Even though she retracts the statement I shake my head. || “ Giving Zen a reason to harm you is out of the question. What if the next time is the last and he kills you? No...let me handle this. Like I said I know people and if I ask for help I’m positive they will do as I say. What I need from you is to do exactly as I say. The more freedom I can award you the better.”|| I glance down at my watch and sigh. It’s getting late and I need to get home and try to figure all this out. There is no one in this place I can turn to I trust. If I show my cards too fast I’ll never get anywhere. Yeah I just need to regroup and think.|| “ Okay...first things first. I’m lifting your solitary. I’ll have you escorted to your room. You won’t get the outside privileges back right away that would look suspicious. I need you to start writing a diary. None of what you say needs to be true but I need it to look as if you are progressing. Nothing drastic though. Every few days you’ll see me. I’ll keep you updated on what’s going on.

We have to work together Annisa. I need for you to trust me and I’ll do the same for you. You may not believe it but when it’s all over you will have your freedom and Zen will be locked up with whoever else does illegal shit around here.” ]]

Annisa: Shooting Mike an incredulous look, I replied quickly, “Zen’s not going to kill me.” Would he? Nah. He’s not that stupid. That would take way too much to cover up. Then again, I’m past the idea of being the guinea pig for this sting operation, anyway. Mike’s put way too much on the line for me already. He doesn’t even know the half of what it’s going to put him through. He hasn’t had a chance to experience the nightmares. There are realizations that haven’t even settled in his mind yet, let alone dug their talons in. There are so many what ifs, hows, whys, etc. that he is still to even think of. The whole ‘coming to terms with it all’ part is still miles away. Yup. I’ve really screwed up his life in ways he can’t even fathom, yet. There’s no way I’m going to let him put his job and/or license on the line for me.

I listened to him as he explained what he wanted me to do. The whole get out of solitary part definitely worked for me, and writing in a diary I could do. None of that seemed too far fetched. The diary part would be a step forward in Zen’s eyes. Not that he’d be particularly happy about it. I’m pretty sure that over the years, I’ve become his prized play thing. As much as he despises me, he truly enjoys reprimanding me for the trouble I get myself into.

As much as I didn’t want Mike to get in trouble for my benefit. I could only do so much. He was a big boy, he would have to take care of himself. I could only express to him so many times that I didn’t expect to leave this place. It wasn’t in my cards. A ‘don’t do it for me’ type of attitude. At this point, I trusted Mike to a point. I trusted him to do right by me. I trusted him to be true to his word. Trusting anyone with the fact that I actually cared was something I wasn’t willing to give to anyone. So, I would have to keep to myself on that one and do what I could to keep him out of trouble, without actually admitting to him that I did care. I cared whether or not he got fired. I cared whether or not he lost his license. And, I cared whether or not I was able to continue to see him. That was definitely staying in my vault.

Once Mike and I were in agreement, he had the two goons come down to solitary and bring me back to my own room. I still wondered about exactly how he planned on moving forward with his scheme but, he promised to keep me apprised during our appointments so, I would just have to keep an eye out then.

#Solitary

[betrayedvirtue]

MONKEYING AROUND

It had been a few days since my appointment with Mike and I was still reeling with fury. The nerve of that guy! First, he invited Zen to sit in on the appointment, with next to notice to me. I can’t even express the hatred I have for that man. In all the years that I have spent in this place, he has made it his personal mission to put me through living hell. Actually, I’m surprised he hasn’t found a way to get rid of me, yet. I’m sure there’s a way to have me moved to some locked down, psychiatric facility where the patients have no rights whatsoever; some private facility where once you go in, you never see the light of day again and you are all but forgotten; literally, locked up with the key tossed into the middle of the Pacific. Places like that have haunted me during my time here, at Birch Marian. This place was a state-run facility. Most of the patients came and went. Some were more long-term like me. Then there were others that were there in lieu of a jail sentence. That last group was kept in a different sector of the hospital.

Anyway, back to how pissed off I was at Mike… Not only had he invited Zen to sit in on the appointment, he hadn’t found out shit, yet. Sure, he had a folder full of papers but, he pulled that away so quickly, it could have been filled with his utility bills for all I know! I was beginning to lose hope in someone else ever discovering my truth for reality. Too many years had gone by, too many time I had gotten my hopes up, just to have them crushed. I honestly don’t know why I bothered with Mike, this time. I had promised myself that the last time I got my hopes blown to smithereens, that would be the last time it happened! Never again was I going to dare to dream of a day where someone actually believed in me. And what had I done the second Mike started talking about being from Forks? Yup! I began to gain faith in a world that had all but disowned me. I guess I couldn’t fully blame Mike. It was partially my fault for allowing myself to fall victim to dreams of something different finally happening for me. Partially. But mostly, it was Mike’s fault for pulling this shit! Promising one thing and not following through. Did he think the answers were just going to find him?

There was movement at my door which distracted me from my thoughts. The two goons were here to take me to the lunch room. Fun, fun. My daily routine was beginning to get more and more monotonous as the days wore on. Before Mike and I had come to our agreement, each day was just another day. There was no beginning and no end to my suffering here. But, since Mike and I had talked, hope had shown me the tiniest light at the end of an incredibly long tunnel. That light was diminishing now, and fast. It was making me edgy and impatient… bored, which for me, was never a good thing! Today, it turned out to be just that, a really bad thing.

It all started with Francine, as most of my exploits do. She was arguing with Cat in the lunch room about Cat’s choice of meals. Cat wasn’t one of those people that watched what she ate. If she liked it, she ate it. She didn’t waste time with caring about what wasn’t good for her. She ate enough healthy food to allow herself to indulge in the not-so-healthy, as well. She was of the school of thought where, why give up what you love, just because it’s bad for you? Time on this world is short and she was going to live it to the fullest. YOLO! Everyone’s gotta die sooner or later… and all those points of view. Francine, on the other hand, was of the school of thought where she wants to live as long and as healthy as possible. Her body is a temple, and all that crap! So, I started out by going through the lunch line and grabbing every item there that was bad for me and sat next to Cat to eat. When Cat saw my tray she just snorted out a chuckle and continued to eat her own lunch, continuing her argument with Francine. Francine, of course, balked at my meal and immediately started in on me, too. So, I decided to share my meal with her by spooning out some from my tray to hers. She was utterly appalled and promptly called one of the orderlies over to report me. That’s when it snowballed.

I jumped up and gave chase to the goons, jumping over tables, starting food fights, kicking trays at them. The whole room was completely riled up. More orderlies got called in from other departments to help out. Just before they caught me, I connected the but end of my palm into one of the orderlies’ nose, breaking it. They finally caught me from behind and I slammed down on one of the tables, face first. It took them no time to fit me with a straight jacket and off to solitary I went, an ear-to-ear smile gracing my features. Guess I wasn’t going to get my outside time today. Oh, well. That was definitely worth it.

#MonkeyingAround

[betrayedvirtue]

GETTING NOWHERE, FAST (W/ @VisionaryFury)

Mike: [[ I feel as if the /truth/ I’ve promised Annisa I’d search for is out of my grasp...I’m not convinced there is substance to what Annisa believes but I also can’t deny I have a nagging feeling that won’t go away whenever I  read over the Quileute legends. What I do recall from my high school years is the people from La Push kept to themselves for the most part. There were rumors of gang activity or something but all that is hazy for me now. I remember Jacob Black because for a while he used to follow Bella Swan around like a lost puppy. Why do I remember that? Because I liked Bella and when Jacob had a sudden growth spurt and went from looking like a boy to man I was jealous. He became my competition until, Edward Cullen resurfaced and swept Bella off her feet again. I ended up with  Jessica Stanley who no matter how many times I treated her like crap kept coming back for more. She falsely thought I’d come around at some point but that never happened. The moment the word /marriage/ crossed her lips I was gone for good.

I haven’t been able to see #Angela yet...she’s the one married to a La Push guy and would have the answers I’m seeking hopefully. I’ve made arrangement to go and see her “to catch up on old times” I can’t tell her about Annisa but I can bring up a bunch of hypothetical questions. Maybe it will get me somewhere. The problem I face right now is I need a favor from Annisa, but I have nothing to offer in return as an incentive. #Zen has been keeping close tabs on Annisa and her progress. He’s not impressed she hasn’t attacked anyone in almost two weeks, all that means is she’s biding her time. #Zen also doesn’t like the choice I made to allow Annisa an hour a day out in the garden. He doesn’t feel she’s earned that privilege.

Which brings us to our current dilemma. He wants to observe my interaction Annisa. I’m sure it's to make sure she won’t try to claw my eyes out the first chance she gets. Am I worried? Yes, I am. This observation could mean my job if it goes south. I’ve sent the orderlies for her. This time around Annisa will be unmedicated. I want her lucid for this interaction. She also will be escorted here without a straight jacket to my office. She’ll get here 10 minutes before #Zen is due to show up. I’m praying it’s enough time to give Annisa a heads up about what’s going on. I’m debating on if I should be upfront and tell her how close she is to being sent away from this facility for good.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: Pacing back and forth in my room, I’ve been looking forward to this appointment for a few days. It’s been a couple of weeks and as much as I’ve enjoyed my hour outside every day, I’m really interested in hearing what Mike has been able to learn. I’ve kept every promise I made to him that day. I haven’t attacked one person. Although, there is that one nurse that makes things incredibly difficult. It’s almost as if she loves egging me on, like she’d rather have me out of her way, in solitary, than on her list of things to-do. She doesn’t even know how close she’s come to having some knock-down drag-outs. On top of that, I haven’t given anyone a hard time, redecorating the art room, starting food fights in the dining room. Although, I did wind up the other patients a few nights ago during TV time. I needed to have some fun and when Francine and Cat were arguing about what we were going to watch, it just made it way too easy.

Actually, I kinda like Cat. She’s pretty new, only been here a couple of weeks. She’s about the same age as I was when I got dumped into this pit but, she’s definitely got some fire in her. I don’t know much about her story but, I love the way that she’s not afraid to stand up for herself. She doesn’t let people bully her into doing anything she doesn’t want to do. I wished I had learned that at that age. It took me considerably longer to learn that lesson. But, I did.

Anyway, by the time the orderlies had arrived to deliver me to my appointment with Mike, I was pumped and ready. It didn’t even bother me that I was going to be confined in one of those stupid monkey suits. However, when they showed, they were sans the straight jacket and they didn’t look incredibly happy about it. These two reveled in their job of tying me up and marching me through these halls. Not only that, I’m pretty sure they liked me about as much as my favorite nurse did so, having to walk me down to Mike’s office without a way to keep me from being able to attack people, made their jobs more difficult. After only a couple of weeks of me behaving, they still didn’t trust me. In a way, I didn’t blame them, not with my track record. I didn’t care about that, though. It was Mike that needed to trust me. As long as he trusted me, he would do as he promised, and I needed him to do that so, I would do everything I could to gain his trust.

The two goons deposited me into a chair in Mike’s office and gave him a look as if to say, “Are you absolutely sure you want to be left alone with this one, without her straight jacket?” But, he just nodded to them and they left the room. Once the door was closed, it took me all of two seconds to twist back to Mike and ask, “So… what did you find out?”

Mike:[[ This is what I’ve been dreading...Knowing Annisa would want to know if I’ve been made a believer or not. If I plan on gaining her trust then I have to be as transparent with her as I can.|| “ There is someone from my past I have set up a meeting with I need to speak to in order to answer some questions I have concerning the “wolf” you saw. During my high school years a few girls I went to school with saw huge wolves but no one believed them. As a matter of fact the girl I’m going to see is married to someone from the Quileute reservation. He was suspected as being a part of a gang who called themselves “The Protectors” when I was back in high school but those were rumors. The leader #Sam I think his name was seemed like a good upstanding guy. Anyway...I did some digging into the legends and the wolves are actually people who are shifters… they protected their tribe against the cold ones which are actually vampires. So...that would go along with what you said about a large wolf saving your life and killing the vampire.

I had such a one track mind back then. There was this girl I was infatuated with so I feel like there is information I’ve forgotten. Annisa, I have a nagging feeling in my gut there is a key piece of information I’m missing. Like I’ve blocked it out or something. I firmly believe once I speak with Angela it will jog my memory about what is bothering me. So I guess what I’m saying is I’m still figuring things out.”

|| We don’t have a lot of time to talk about this. #Zen will be here soon. I need to give Annisa a heads up about that or I can see it being a disaster. Sighing I pinch the bridge of my nose as I get a sense Annisa isn’t pleased with my answer. Well what I have to say next won’t be any better.|| “ I don’t want to change up the subject on you but I feel it only fair to warn you #Zen will be participating in this meeting. He’s gotten my reports of your progress and would like to see for himself how well you are doing. I’m letting you know so it’s not a shock when he shows up.If this session goes well then #Zen will be satisfied which will allow me the freedom to keep my end of the deal I have with you…” || This is my way of saying if Annisa fucks this up then my hands will be tied and she’ll lose the only chance she had at someone finding the truths she claims are out there concerning her attack.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: His lips are moving and a lot of the right words are coming out of his mouth but, there’s no understanding to them. It’s as if he’s just reciting a book of legends. This was not what I agreed to! I didn’t need him to tell me about what everyone in Forks has already heard. The cold ones, the wolves, the age old agreements... wives tales, as far as anyone else was concerned! I knew the truth. It was all 100% actuality. None of it was just a story in a book. Vampires and super wolves existed. I didn’t want Mike to tell me about what he read. I wanted him to tell me what he found out, what he thought, what he KNEW in his heart to be real. Did he believe me? How long was this going to take him?

I opened my mouth to respond when he hits me with the second bombshell. Fucking Zen! So, not only does he have nothing for me, he’s not going to be able to talk about any it with me because he’s got his boss joining in with him on the session. Zen wants to see me behave like a good little monkey. Put a hat and a vest on me, wind me up, and watch me go. Do I get cymbals too, I wonder?

“Do you even know what it’s like to wait on pins and needles for twelve days? Wondering… hoping… daring to trust? I have nothing to do with any of that time! It’s not like I have dinners with family and nights out with my friends to occupy my time while you wait for a good time to scratch an itch. What the hell are you waiting for? You told me you’d look into it. Everything you’ve told me an eight year old living in Forks could have told me! I don’t want legends, I want you to fucking dig! Go out there and… “ As I turn to point at the door, it swings wide, allowing Zen a perfect view of me kneeling on the chair, arm outstretched, midsentence. I turn back to Mike, slump down in my chair and literally snarl at him. So, this is how he wants to play this. He’s given me absolutely shit, yet he wants me to be a good little girl and play nice for his boss. Mmmhmmm… I’ll show him just how amenable I can be.

Mike: [[ The whole time Annisa is ranting I sit back and let her. Progress...she may not know it but all of this is progress for her. I’ve never gotten her to express herself with words like this before. Yes, she’s pissed but she didn’t lunge at me or spit. She’s not trying to escape. Before we can try to conclude this conversation #Zen walks in and before my eyes Annisa retreats from the fiery woman I know to the angry patient that lashes out at any given moment. I just tried to warn her the best way I can. If Annisa wants me to dig deeper then she better behave or #Zen is shipping her out of here. I won’t be able to do anything about it. I act as if what Zen has walked in on is no big deal as I stand and gesture for him to have a seat. || “ Hello, Zen. It’s good of you to come join us. Annisa and I were just talking about her week until you got here.” || I smile at Annisa as Zen takes his seat. I’m not going to prompt her to do anything. To be honest I have no set plan on how this session should go since I don’t know how Annisa plans to act now that she’s upset with me.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: My eyes bore into Mike’s as Zen takes his seat. I had no interest in anything that man had to say or not say, nor did I have any interest in acknowledging his presence. The man has done nothing but made my life a living hell for the past few years. He doesn’t deserve my attention, nor my courtesy. Mike doesn’t understand just how much I loathe this man. He doesn’t know the torture I’ve endured at the wave of his pen, the nights in solitary, being tied up to a bed for days on end, hooked up to a catheter so he doesn’t have to unhook me, even just to pee. The man gets absolutely no love from me. If I wasn’t so sure that the fact he is here was a warning, I’d have jumped over the back of my chair the second he walked into the room. Not that I’ve fully decided not to. At the moment, I was just biding time.

I hoped the look I was shooting at Mike was completely transparent. This room just went from a battlezone to a warzone in two seconds flat. I ground my teeth together, muscles popping in my jaw. I could also feel blood dripping from the palms of my hands as my white-knuckled fingernails dug deep. This was going to be one hell of a fucked up meeting. I was already pissed off to all hell by Mike’s little revelation that he had done absolutely squat with the past twelve days. Now, I couldn’t talk to him about it, or better yet, yell at him about it, and I had to sit next to this asshat for the next hour. They’d be lucky if I made it five minutes.

Mike: [[ By the time this session is over I might not have a job anymore. I have no idea what may come out of Annisa’s mouth or what she may actually do. I take a deep breath realizing I’m not acting like the therapist I should be. It’s my job to help Annisa and right now I’m not doing that. #Zen isn’t saying anything but has a pad and pen in his hand  to take notes I assume. I reach behind me and pick up my pad and pen so I can get this session started.|| “ Okay Annisa...the holidays are coming up and I’ve been using these sessions to touch base with everyone concerning their families. There is a Winter Wonderland Dinner coming up. Would you like to attend and if so we could invite your parents to come.” || Not the best topic to broach with Annisa but I got the memo from #Zen to do this with all my patients and of course my boss would pick this week to assess Annisa. Makes me think he wants Annisa to fail. I know how she feels about her parents. They betrayed her. I doubt she’ll want to see them but then again I have no right to assume anything.

I have my pencil poised as I wait for Annisa to respond. I see the muscle in her jaw twitching just like I see her glaring at me. Outwardly I keep a calm demeanor but inside I’m fucking cringing. I feel like I’m poking a fucking bear right now. At any moment that bear is going to pounce and devour me whole.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: Every muscle in my body constricted in ire at the mere mention of my parents. Was this really where he wanted this meeting to go? Did he want me to lunge across his desk and attack him, again? There were no orderlies, or straight jackets to stop me today, and we all know Zen wasn’t going to get in my way. The guy was a card-carrying pussy. I pulled my legs up onto the chair and crossed them beneath me as I took a deep breath in, trying hard to hold myself back, as every fiber of my being wanted to strike out at Mike for everything he was doing to me, in that moment. He wanted me to show his boss that he was making improving strides with their worst resident, that he was this amazing therapist because he was able to do what no other therapist has. Yet, he’s done absolutely nothing that he’s promised me, he brings Zen into the session with all of two minutes warning, and he starts off the session by goading me with questions of holiday dinners and my parents. Fucking really?! I gave him one final, unsettling glare before sweeping my gaze elsewhere, hopefully, getting the point across to him that he was going to get no cooperation from me today.

Mike:[[ I catch #Zen flinch as Annisa repositions herself on the chair. To be honest, I am quite proud of her. I see the fury in her eyes but I also notice her attempt at taking a few deep breaths. In the past that would not have happened, and Annisa would have reacted and suffered the consequences for it later.

I don’t see her non-response as failure. I know it will take baby steps with Annisa and I put her in a very difficult situation. She has no idea how infuriated I am having #Zen in this session. Zen and I both know Annisa is not ready for this and to be honest it’s prompting me to want more than before to find out that all the time and Annisa has been right. Regardless of how I’m feeling right now I still have to do my job and continue this conversation even if it is one sided. I write down a few notes and then continue speaking.|| “ I know I’m bringing up this topic abruptly, I would prefer to get to know a little bit more about your background with your parents so if you are unable to give me an answer right now I totally understand. How about you process it for a little while and we’ll broach the topic again in a few days perhaps outside while you were in the garden having your outside time. You wanted to know what my views were about La Push and the people there. We haven’t had a chance to talk about it but I should be more equipped with the answers you want by then I promise.” ||

I give Annisa pleading look and a reassuring smile as a way of giving her a clue I am going to do the best I can to give her the answers that she needs but I do need her to continue to work with me. Zen shifts in his seat and clears his throat as if to say something but I raise my hand as a way to remind him it will be best if he remain quiet he is only supposed to be observing.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: Everything he’s said has going in one ear and out the other. Hell, I stopped listening to him the second he brought up my parents. That was pretty much the final straw for me. Done. Finito. End of. However, the slight twitch of Zen’s movements when I adjusted my legs on the seat was not missed by me and the opposite side of my lip twitched up in smug satisfaction.

Looking out the window, I imagined what my beach would look like today. It was overcast with just a drizzle of rain but, the wind was definitely whipping around. I could envision the waves rolling in with thunderous crashes against the rocky coast. There would be a handful of idiots out there trying to surf and look badass to their friends, each one doing something more foolish than the next. The gulls would be picking up the crabs and dropping them down on the rocks. Other than that, it would be entirely peaceful. Most days when I used to go out there, I could tune out the surfers and just listen to the sound of the waves and the gulls. What I would do to be able to go back out there, now. Would I ever get that chance to lie back on the rocks and listen to my beach, again?

The word “La Push” broke me free of my daydream. After that, I caught “I promise.” Yeah? Fuck you! You promise, I thought with disdain. Words don’t mean shit. Actions speak. I didn’t want to hear one more word out of Mike’s mouth, and his cheap-ass grin made me want to vomit. I knew he was trying to beg me to behave, play along with his little act for his boss but, he was going to have to stop pissing me off, if he wanted that. I’ve been so good in the last twelve days. My actions have screamed volumes. Apparently, he hasn’t been listening.

I stood up and crossed the room to get a better look out the window. Watching the raindrops fall into the puddles and ripple outward reminded me of days long gone. I had once been a child, with no cares but how high the water would go when I jumped as hard as I could into a puddle. In a way I would give anything go back to that time. On the other side of that coin, I wouldn’t trade the knowledge that I had now for anything. I had been woken from a lie. I wouldn’t want to live with blinders on, again. I’m not one of those people that wants to live with their head in the sand. Give me the truth! I’d rather face that head on, every time.

Mike: [[ More silence... #Zen is steadily writing on his note pad but I can’t tell what he’s thinking by the blank expression on his face. I have to tell myself to calm the fuck down and remember where I am and what I should be doing which is helping my patient. For now I have to forget about the /other/ stuff and focus on the present situation. I turn to #Zen as Annisa gets up and walks to the window. I don’t show any concern about what her motives may turn out to be. I figure if she wanted to attack either one of us it would have happened by now. This time when Zen shows signs of speaking I don’t try to interrupt him.

|| “ I’m looking through your notes and you’ve steadily been decreasing the dosage of her medications...why? I’ve also noticed you’ve ceased the restraints when she is out of her room. Perhaps you are moving too quickly, Mike.” || Even though I’ve been doing a few unorthodox things, I’ve never tried to compromise Annisa’s treatment. She has impulse control issues along with everything else going on with her. I felt it important to help her learn now to control that. Now dangling the promise of believing vampires exist in Annisa’s face might have been wrong to use as a means to an end but Annisa has proven my theory correct. She is more than able to control herself and /behave/ when she chooses to.|| “ I’m not a fan of using medication for behavior modification. To me it should be used as a last resort only. As you can see over the past few weeks she’s done well.

If you look over all my charts you’ll see a few other patients have shown improvement without the medications as well. I would prefer to have this conversation another time since it’s taking away time from my patient.” || #Zen raises a brow as if I’m telling a joke. Annisa is looking out the window and could be in another world in her mind or she could be soaking in everything we are saying. I’d hate for it to be the ladder. I don’t like speaking about  my patients as if they aren’t in the room. I see it as disrespectful. || “ Alright, I’ve seen enough anyway. Continue with what you are doing. It seems to be working. I still expect regular reports.” || I expected Zen to remain for the whole session. I’m glad he’s on his way out for his sake and mine. Who knows once me and Annisa are alone she may go ahead and do more than just glare at me. Zen gets up and looks at Annisa’s back before walking out the door. I remain in my seat and wait to see if this will continue to be a one sided conversation or if Annisa will resume ranting at me.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: My thoughts were disrupted by Zen’s voice in the room. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard and I inwardly cringed as he spoke. It’s not totally unexpected, what he said. The shithead would rather see me back in solitary, tied up on the bed, with a catheter in me. Locked up, key thrown out. Right about then I guess I could be thankful to Mike for that fact that I wasn’t yet, it wasn’t enough. Yes, he has done some things to make life a little more tolerable for me. He still hasn’t done what he’s promised. What good is his word, if he doesn’t follow through?

When I heard Zen get up to leave, I watched his reflection in the window. That’s right dickwad, run. Get the fuck out now before you say something to make me lose my cool and you end up with a few new scratches to your face. Having him in here had been pushing the envelope. I had made a promise to Mike, and even though he hadn’t kept his end of the bargain, I needed to keep mine because, I still wasn’t completely convinced Mike wasn’t going to keep his. I hated being in this position. I was literally at the whim of Mike’s promise. It’s been twelve days, twelve long ass days but, I could give him a little more time… not a lot but, a little.

I watched in the window as Zen’s reflection walked through the door and it closed behind him. No sooner did it latch shut, that I rushed over and slammed my palm into it. “Good fucking riddance.” I spoke under my breath.

Mike: [[ I’ve noticed Annisa only speaks when we are alone. Not that it’s happened often but still. She clamped her mouth shut the moment Zen entered the office but he did  witness her in mid sentence as he walked in.||  “Keep that up and no one will believe when I say you know how to use your words.” || I tilt my head and write a few notes before I continue speaking.|| “ By your actions I take it you don’t like #Zen too much. Would you care to explore why?” || Zen and Annisa have a mutual dislike for one another. I wasn’t aware of it until I saw how Zen handled the situation of her attacking me. His punishment was extreme and I’d like to know why. Yes, Annisa hasn’t been a model patient but she’s still a person who deserves to get the help she needs.

I shake my head as I think about the fact Annisa has a lot of people against her. Or at least that is how she would view it. Her parents, the staff here, some of the patients. I’m sure I hold a spot on her list especially after today. The session isn’t going like I’d hoped, I’m learning to always expect the unexpected here. Is that good? No but it is what it is.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: I whipped around to face Mike. “I don’t give two shits what people think about what I say. Actions speak, Mike and from yours, I’m beginning to think you’re a liar. I have done every single thing you have asked from me and what have you shown me on your end? ‘I haven’t had time… I will… I found out about all this crap that you can read in folktale books, though… ‘“ I mocked. I was beyond furious at this point. “You haven’t done shit!” Quickly, I added on, “And no, I don’t want talk about asshat! And I would prefer to not be blindsided by another session with him sitting in. Look over your notes, they should tell you why I don’t like the dick. Or maybe they won’t. He probably doesn’t put in there when he treats his patients like waste.”

I began pacing around the room. It was obvious this whole appointment had me riled up. At least I didn’t have to worry about fucking up in front of the boss, at this point. If my anger got away from me, I could try to steer it towards Mike’s desk or a chair, instead of his face… maybe. That would all depend on what his next words might be.

Mike: [[ I don’t know what it’s like to not have control over my own life. Just like I don’t know what it’s like to live in a world no one else believes in. It doesn’t mean Annisa’s words can’t bother me. I have been trying to discover the truth no matter what she thinks. I stand up and place my tablet and pen on the table then walk around my desk. I  keep my voice calm as I speak. || “ You’ve been waiting and I get that. You were hoping I’d have the answers you wanted to hear and I don’t. You have a right to be disappointed but what you don’t have a right to do is tell me what I have or haven’t done. If I said I’ve been looking into things then I have the best way /I/ know how to do.” || I yank open a desk drawer and drop files filled with papers on the desk.|| All of this is notes from my elementary exporation. I don’t sleep at night because that is when I work on this. All I can tell you Annisa is give me a few  days and I should have something to tell you either good or bad.”

|| I snatch up the files and shove them back into my desk. I have issues with having my integrity questioned. This is no little thing. I’m not trying to see who killed Tupac. I’m trying to find validity to Annisa’s claims vampires exist.|| “ Since you seem to think my way is wrong then what do you suggest? I make myself bait and if I suddenly come up missing then you know I discovered the truth?” ]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: There was a fire to his response and I got a thrill from watching it burst forth from the customarily collected facade. Did I actually strike a nerve, and if so, why? Was it being called a liar that he didn’t like? It was actually unfortunate, in a way, that he had shown me this side to him. I had a way of figuring out what buttons worked on a person and diving in, head first. No holds barred. It had been my entertainment for the past few years. I had little else to do. No one had ever believed me, had ever bothered to listen to me, and they treated my like a wild animal most of the time so, what had they expected? I was going to just roll over and surrender like a wounded pup? Nope. I turned into that wild animal they seemed so desperate to want to believe that I was.

However, there was something about Mike that made me not so willing to push those buttons just for the pure amusement of it. With him, I wanted to do it to spark an outrage in him. I wanted to see his passion. I wanted him to want to learn the truth. I felt as if I was getting a chance to see him for who he really was, not the deceptive disguise he plastered on when he walked through the doors of this place. It was a connection to someone’s truth. A real person. I hadn’t had a chance to connect with anyone on a genuine level in so long, I was beginning to realize how badly I craved that in my life. Not therapist to patient, patient to nurse, patient to orderly, patient to whacked out patient. Person to person. A god damned honest connection.

Fuck! I didn’t want to think this way. Walls, Annisa! I abruptly turned back to the window. I had let one therapist in, once, a long time ago. It turned out she was just baiting me, telling me what I wanted to hear, only to pull the rug out from under me in the end. She was the first person I ever attacked here, and the last person I’ve ever trusted.

Mike: [[ Of course it isn’t until the words leave my mouth I come back to myself and feel frustrated for speaking to Annisa as if she’s other than a patient. I get a sense of dread that the more time I spend with her the deeper hole I’m going to dig for myself. I’ve gone against so many regulations over the past few weeks with Annisa, it’s as if I’m begging to toss my career down the toilet before it has a chance to get started. Why? What is it about this individual that has me so intrigued? Is it the connection to Forks we share? Is it the fact she’s too passionate about what she believes to assess her as insane? A small voice in my head brings up the fact she’s attractive that could be the fascination. I shake my head and sigh. No...I’m not that petty. A pretty face isn’t enough to make me fall off the rails like this.

The silence in the room causes a volatile atmosphere. In this moment I’m not worried about what Annisa has to say or not say. I’m more concerned with my lack of professionalism. I rub my hands over my face as I take a seat behind my desk. Annisa has retreated within herself. I can see it by her posture as she gazes out the window. A question comes to mind and it’s something I shouldn’t ask but I do anyway since I’ve already created a minefield that will fucking blow up in my face at any moment.|| “ I have a question for you Annisa. I’m sure every other therapist has thought of it but was too afraid of the backlash to ask you. It’s evident you are highly intelligent. Even though the staff here is trained for this line of work the right sort of people can work the system to get the results they want. At any point  you could have gotten yourself out of here. All you had to do is conform to what you’ve been told is the right way of thinking it never had to mean you actually believed it. Why didn’t you? Why not just agree to what you’ve been told is real instead of standing by what got you locked up here in the first place? Truth or not if saying vampires are a figment of your imagination would have gotten you the hell out of here then why not just go that route? You would have gotten the last laugh by making fools out of everyone in this place /and/ you would have had your freedom.” ]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: Reaching out, I gently touched the small succulent perched on the window sill. I imagined it was probably a gift from someone, thinking a plant would brighten up Mike’s office yet, too afraid to give him a real one that he might kill.

He made a good point with his question. However, I had already discarded that option years ago. I was proof that it wasn’t all a lie. A vampire had actually killed my best friend and a ginormous wolf had kept it from doing the same to me. If I went back on my word, how would the world ever know these dangers existed? How could I ever look myself in the face, knowing I could have stopped this from happening to someone else? Not only that, the whole thing was my one truth. The one thing I still had to hold on to. If I lied and said it never actually happened, what did I have left? Parents that would welcome me back if only for being a liar, friends that wouldn’t talk to me ever again, anyway, a life back in Forks, looking over my shoulder all the time, waiting for the next vamp to show its face. Of course, I could lie, get myself out of here and leave Forks, never look back… but, what would I tell people wherever I ended up? I would have to create this elaborate lie about who I was and where I came from. Yeah, some days I thought it would be great to be able to create a totally new persona and start fresh, someplace where no one knew anything about me. But, I would have to lie to myself to do that, and right about now I was so done with all the lies. If I lied to get myself out of here, I would have nothing, not even my own truth. I wasn’t willing to give that up.

I wasn’t sure I could explain any of that to Mike, though. I wasn’t sure he would understand. I’m sure it would make perfect sense to anyone else to just lie and get myself out. It was ten times more difficult to explain to someone how much the only truth a person had left meant so much more. So, I side-stepped. Turning around to look at Mike, I responded with a cool, “Now, why didn’t I ever think of that?”

Mike: [[ I toss my hands up in the air not surprised by Annisa’s response. I’m not in the mood to entertain her sarcasm though. I glance at the clock and see our time is almost up. Nothing is going to get accomplished today. Too much negativity was stirred up the both of us. I’m not going to open my mouth to give a sarcastic response. That won’t help this situation. No one has been able to get under my skin like this ever...I’m the professional here but I feel at this moment Annisa is pulling the strings. I close my eyes and count to ten before speaking again.

|| “ Alright...I think we are done for today. I can’t see anything productive happening in the remaining time we have left. For what it’s worth given the circumstances you should be proud of yourself. You were pushed to your limit today but made better choices. So instead of being drugged and dragged away to solitary you will wake up in the morning and have the freedom to enjoy our outside time. A positive step in the right direction. That is something good to focus on. It can only get better from there.” || I’m not just stating a bunch of words, even in my angry state I mean what I say. Not that Annisa will appreciate it. She has a way or warping everything I say.]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes at Mike’s so-called praise. Yeah, yeah, yeah… so, I managed to keep my anger in check today. It’s only because I needed something in return, which he better have for me the next time I see him. This twiddling my fingers and waiting shit is for the birds, as they say. I’m getting seriously tired of it all.

“Which proves that I’ve done as you’ve asked. So, are you still going to keep up your end?” Damn! I hated depending on anyone for anything. I just felt that I needed to hear him say that he would. We never really finished our conversation and I got the feeling that I might have pissed him off a little today. Not that I was totally upset about that. Serves him right for the whole debacle he put me in but… he made promises to me. I wanted to hear it from him that he would keep his word.

Mike: [[ “ Yes, I intend to keep my promises to you. I’ll continue to search for the truth and will meet up with you in a few days. We’ll have our discussion in the garden for privacy if the weather permits.” || I pick up the phone to let the orderlies know they can come and retrieve Annisa. I’m sure they will be surprised there were no incidents.|| “ Unless you have something else to say we can be done for today. Continue to stay out of trouble and perhaps in a few days you’ll finally get the validations you’ve been hoping for since the day your life changed forever.”]] @BetrayedVirtue

Annisa: I felt a sense of relief as Mike reaffirmed his promise to me, and I only nodded in response, deciding it was best to leave the session there. The orderlies filed in just as Mike finished his comment about me getting validations. One could only hope, and I was desperately trying to hold onto some of that. It had been a long ass time since I gave hope a chance, I wasn’t sure I knew how to do it, anymore but, I was doing my best. I would find out in the next week or so if it was worth taking that one last chance with it. It was all in Mike’s hands. Shit! I seriously hated that!

I followed the orderlies back to room without incident. I could see smoke flowing out of their ears as their wheels grinded, trying to figure out why I had been so cooperative, lately. I was going to have to do something to mess with them soon, just because. I was becoming too tame. I needed to keep them on their toes. This place was becoming stagnant. Sitting down on my bed, after they left, I began to plot.

[betrayedvirtue]

THIS THANKSGIVING I’M THANKFUL FOR...

Thanksgiving… Honestly, I don’t have much to say about Thanksgiving this year. Then again, I haven’t had much to say about it in quite a few years. To me, it’s just another day, a day where the hospital spends a whole bunch of time trying to make up for all the absentee families that don’t show. They offer a full meal of turkey, and stuffing, and mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce, and all the other Thanksgiving fixins as a midday meal. But, it all just turns out as a poor attempt at a substitute.

The first year I was admitted, my parents showed up for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday. When they realized I wasn’t going to change my story and give in to all the pressure to be “normal,” they stopped coming. My mom wrote me a letter telling me how disappointed and embarrassed by me she was. I was making her look bad, having a kid in a mental institution was bad enough. Having one in a mental institution that believed in vampires and enormous wolves was too much for her to live with so, she decided to live without. I was actually somewhat surprised that my father didn’t keep coming. My mom had always been that way. Everything always had to look good, even if it wasn’t. The house had to be immaculate. Even my room as a teenager had to be spotless. I wasn’t allowed to leave for school until I cleaned my room. Seriously, how can you expect that of a teenager? Her excuse was always, “What if someone stops by?” My answer was always, “Who, in their right mind, is going to expect a teenager’s room to be spotless on a drop by?” It didn’t matter. It was always about appearances, and I was fucking that up huge, right now! But my dad, he was different. He was more laid back. However, I guess my mom always did wear the pants in the family.

So, here I was, all alone on Thanksgiving, once again. I did have one thing to be thankful for this year, though. Well, I was hoping I did. Time would tell on that one. Mike had told me he would seriously look into everything I had been saying from day one. He promised to investigate it all with an open mind. Well, maybe he didn’t actually say, “...with an open mind.” but, I was hopeful, anyway. It was better than anyone else had ever offered me. Plus, he was from Forks. He knew the stories. He would know where to dig.

A small part of me was afraid I was digging a really big hole, and if I wasn’t careful, I was just going to drag Mike in with me. I mean really, what good was it going to do for him to actually know the truth? Sure, I would have one person that believed me. One person that didn’t look at me like a total lost cause. But, what good was that going to do? More than likely, it wasn’t going to get me out of this shithole. It’s not like just because he believes me, suddenly everyone else will too. What would people do if they were to find out he did believe me? How was that going to affect him? Not to mention, how was he going to feel one he realized it was all true? To hear the stories is one thing, to know them as truth it a totally different monster! Trust me, I live that truth every day of my life. The fear of knowing that so many people I loved were in that kind of danger used to cripple me. It took a long time to get past that. I know what he’s going to go through. Was it wrong of me to put him in this situation? Wouldn’t it be worse of me to let him keep living the lie, though?

#ThisThanksgivingIAmThankfulFor...

[betrayedvirtue]

COMPROMISE w/ @VisionaryFury

Annisa:

I’m pretty sure I would have remained in solitary if I hadn’t started refusing to eat. It was the only thing I could think of to try that might get me out of that room. I was beginning to actually go as crazy as they all thought I was. Try sitting in a room with no windows, and absolutely nothing to do, for days on end! At first I tried protesting but, that got me absolutely nowhere. Next I figured, if I wasn’t going to be able to get out of the five by seven, I could waste some time sleeping. Problem was, I couldn’t fall asleep so, I laid there, staring at the ceiling and walls. Then I started thinking about all the things I could’ve been doing, if I just had a book, or an iPod, or a deck of cards… Shit! I even started wishing I had some of those art materials or my journal. All that, and it was only one day in. Want to know how I knew that? Because of the food and medication schedule they had me on, second dose of afternoon meds, followed by some sort of chicken, veggie, pasta meal.

Yesterday, they had finally let me out, just in time for evening meds and quiet time in my room. Exactly what I expected, dope me up with all kinds of meds to ensure they can control me, then free me of one cage, just to throw me back into another. I slept pretty good, though. As much as I hate to admit it, it was nice to be back in my own five by seven. Plus, I had a new plan, and it was looking as if I was going to get a chance to put it into play today. My morning dosage of meds was amped up. That meant they weren’t screwing around and taking chances. Which also meant I was going to be doing some type of interaction today. I couldn’t imagine it would be another group so soon so, that meant a one-on-one… with protective duty, no doubt. Granted, with the extra meds on board I wouldn’t be quite as alert as I wanted but, I could adapt, and today I would be ready.

Mike: [[ I only have a month to turn things around for Annisa. Not have her cured, but there should be some sort of improvement. As of right now Annisa is a danger to herself and others. No one has been able to pull her out of the illusions in her mind. As time progresses it will become impossible. She’s young and could have a fulfilling life but not unless Annisa is willing to trust that we are here to help her. We aren’t the enemy. I want to be the person to help her come to that conclusion.

No way I’d meet with her in the office. It would be more of the same as in the past. Annisa not talking, distracting herself or attempting physical harm. Outside...she seems to have a like for the outdoors. I don’t want her in a straight jacket but I do advise the orderlies to up her dosage of medication. I want her lucid but calm at the same time. This will be an uneventful meeting hopefully. I have no tricks up my sleeve and I want her to know that. She’s not being manipulated but I need Annisa to meet me halfway and let me do my job.

I have things set up already. The eastern part of the gardens are reserved for us to use. There are benches and tables for us to use. It’s not picturesque right now due to the time of year, but at least we can be in the fresh air. I know I fucked up last time we were together. I never should have pushed so hard. I feel bad she was placed in solitary confinement. Hopefully this gesture will make up for it. I also hope the promise of more outdoor time will prompt Annisa to start and cooperate with me.]]

Annisa:

Part one of my plan was to wear a hole into the tile on the floor of my room. I figured the more active I was, the quicker the meds would move through my system. Heavy activity was out of the question, too many drugs onboard. But, pacing worked… kind-of. It didn’t exactly have the effect I was hoping for but, my plan was a work in progress.

Before I knew it, the orderlies were at my door, ready to take me to my meeting. However, one thing I hadn’t expected was they had a coat for me to wear, and it was my own, a lightweight, hooded parka, with faux-fur trim on the hood. My parents must have brought it in for me. Were they actually here? Was I getting some sort of day pass to go out into the world? After just coming out of solitary? None of this made any sense. Even if they were here, did I really want to see them? It’s been how long and they have not once taken my side, stood up for me, trusted me. My eyes flickered from one orderly to the other but, nothing in their expressions gave away a thing.

Nope. I didn’t want to see them. There was nothing they could say to me at this point that could make up for all the things they haven’t done. I took a deep breath and flopped down on my bed, arms folded across my chest, and stared out the window, away from the two men in the doorway.

What is it with medical staff in a mental ward thinking they have the right to strongarm you, anytime they want? I was dragged down the hall, kicking and screaming the whole way. Well, they proved they could make me go where they wanted me to but, I sure as hell was not talking to my parents. They could handcuff me to a chair in front of them but, they couldn’t make me speak.

Finally, they plopped me down outside the door to the garden and handed me my coat. “Over there.” One of them ordered, as he pointed over my shoulder. Without even shooting a glance in the direction of my parents, I tried to get back inside but, the orderlies both stood side-to-side, in my way. I may have had some drugs in my system but, if looks could kill, the two of them would be pushing up daisies.

Mike: [[ Raising a brow I can’t help but wonder why Annia is being dragged out into the garden area. I thought she’d like the opportunity to venture outside. Perhaps it’s the fact she has a sit down with me that is provoking her defiance. I hold my composure as I watch her try and force herself back into the building. I don’t believe she sees me yet. I stand but stay where I am which is near the benches and tables. ]]

“Annisa...if you would prefer to have our one on one in the office we can do that. I thought you would appreciate some fresh air.” [[ Once again I’m trying to give her a choice. However, Annisa needs to figure out that she is becoming her own worst enemy. #Zen will be watching her progress and if I can’t even get her to come outside without it being a issue he might not give me the full month he promised.I tell myself I’m not failing her. Somehow I’m going to get Annisa to trust me and know I’m on her side. ]]

Annisa:

The eyeballs of my blockade were just about looking ripe for the picking when I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me. My brows furrowed but, I did not turn around. More unexpected. It was not my parents come to visit but, him trying to throw me off my game. Like an hour in the garden would take away all the bullshit of what he did to me last time I saw him, let alone the week in solitary that followed.

Gotta give him props for trying. Even though the asshat was trying too hard in the wrong direction. All the effort he was putting into getting me to talk, and delve deep inside myself, see the truth of what it was they all believed I actually saw… if he only put one quarter of the effort into really trying to get to know me, as a person, as a patient, and not just some number he’s read about in his file. But he’s new here, and I’m sure I’m the big challenge. The one that won’t talk to her therapists, the one that has been passed around from one to the next, the one that no one else wants to work with. I’m sure he wants to make a great first impression on the boss. Get the girl that’s lost to them all to finally admit that it’s been a lie from the beginning. Wouldn’t that be grand for him? One problem with that. I haven’t lied once since I’ve been here. I saw what I did, and no amount of drugs and prodding was going to make me take it back.

They wanted me to believe it was a lie for a number of reasons. First, and most importantly, they needed to believe it was all a lie. Second, they could then pat themselves on the back and feel like they saved me. And last, they could then write me off. I wasn’t having any of it.

I shrugged on my parka and slowly turned to face “Mike.”

Mike: [[ I don’t expect this to be easy. If Annisa rolled over and played nice then I’d be worried. She’s feisty and opinionated even when she has her lips clamped shut. Her body language and facial expressions say it all. I give Annisa a pleasant smile when she turns around and I don’t act as if I’m offended when she looks at me as if  she wishes me dead. I’m not on her happy people list and I know it. Hell, I don’t think Annisa has a happy people list.

I gesture to the chairs and benches as I speak.]] “ Hello, Annisa. I thought we could spend some time talking. What would you prefer? Us sitting here  or taking a walk?” [[ The orderlies were told ahead of time we may be walking and if that is the situation they will follow behind us at a safe distance. I’m not naive in believing having Annisa drugged up will keep her under our control. She’s too strong willed for that. I place my hands behind my back and wait for her response. If she chooses to just stand there and stare at me then...we’ll just continue this in my office instead. It’s her choice. ]]

Annisa:

I eyed Mike for a long while before turning to look at the orderlies. I wondered, if we were to take a walk, would the two goons follow suit? Or would they all just assume that the drugs in my system would keep me in check? More than likely, they would go with. My track record speaks for itself. But… I hadn’t had a chance to be outside in so long.

The air had a bit of a chill to it but, I was used to that. Besides, it made me feel alive for once. I took in a deep breath and turned back around. Giving Mike one final glare, I swept my gaze around the garden and started walking in the opposite direction. My terms. For lack of a better term, I still felt like I was having a pissing match with this guy and I wasn’t giving in. He was going to learn that I wasn’t someone to be toyed with. Sure, he may have given me a little piece of outdoors. He probably read in my file that I spent most of my waking time outside, before… But, that wasn’t enough to make me like him, talk to him, spill my most sacred secrets to him. No one has ever given me what I needed to do that, and that was show me trust first. I didn’t expect him to be any different.

Mike: [[ For a moment I expected Annisa to cut her nose off to spite her face but in the end she chose to remain outside. Does she follow the pathway I chose for us? Of course not. It doesn’t matter though since any way is perfectly okay with me. Everything is a battle with Annisa. I wonder if she was like this before the incident? That is something I’ll have to find out. I need to do a intake with her parents. I was trying to wait until things were better with Annisa first. With my hands in my pockets I walk after Annisa. It doesn’t take long to catch up with her. ]] “I’m glad you decided to remain outside. I wasn’t looking forward to being in my stuffy office. I hate this time of year. The heater messes with my allergies. I end up with a scratchy throat and watery eyes. I hate it.”

[[ I won’t be taking notes today. I honestly just want to /talk/ to Annisa and find out some facts about her that have nothing to do with what got her here. ]] “Have you been out here before? Do you know what sort of plants and flowers bloom in the springtime? I’ve been told it looks rather nice. I don't have a green thumb. I touch a plant or a flower and it will die. The only reason my house looks decent is because I pay a landscaper to take care of it.” ]]

Annisa:

I didn’t bother looking off to the side as Mike caught up to me, nor did I bother to look behind me. I could hear the two monstrosities lumbering along behind us. Just as I figured. However, they weren’t immediately behind us so, if this all went sideways, I could probably get a good swing in before they could stop me.

And… he started in with the small talk. I internally shook my head. Really?! Did he actually think that just because I was an outdoorsy person that talking about greenery would pique my interest? Not to mention, here I am, a patient at a freak show, that has barely spoken in forever, but now, just because he takes me outside for two minutes, I’m going to just start chatting it up with him over flowers?! Think again, dipshit! That’s not even taking into consideration that last time I saw him, he made me relive the worst day of my life, then threw me into solitary for a week. Sure. Because, that’s a forgivable act.

I walked over to a stone wall that lined the edge of the garden. I knew if I could just look out over it, I might be able to see the ocean. It wouldn’t be my beach but, it would be nice to see the water. It took all of two seconds for the orderlies to grab onto my arm as I tried to climb on top of the wall. I shot them both a glare, and looked back over at Mike. This was a test. Would he allow me this small chance to look out over the water, even though there was a risk? Or would he let the two idiots pull me back down?

Mike: [[ I know what #Zen would want me to do but I can’t gain Annisa’s trust if I do things his way. I can assume the worst and think she’s trying to escape but she’s too intelligent for that. So I take a chance and speak up once she looks at me. ]] “ Let her go..” [[ If Annisa stays on the wall then fine maybe it’s the water she’s after. If not then she’ll be caught and placed back in solitary confinement and I’ll go to #Zen myself and hand over her file. At some point something has to give. One of us has to toss in the white flag.

The orderlies look back at me and reluctantly let her go. Now it’s a waiting game to see what she does. Inwardly I’m hoping she for once she doesn’t do something that will mess up her chances of ever getting out of here.]]

Annisa:

I had 100% believed that Mike would allow the orderlies to pull me back down from the wall and completely blown away when he told them to let me go. I half wondered if he’s just fucking with me. Letting me go so he could make it look like I was trying to escape. Slowly, cautiously, I climbed the wall to the top, all the while keeping an eye out behind me, waiting for him to change his mind and have them charge me. But, it didn’t happen. He actually passed my test. Bewilderment flowed through my veins as tossed him a stunned look from atop the wall.

Turning, I sat down and looked out over Port Angeles to the water. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I could almost taste the salt from the ocean. From this wall, I could almost believe these past few years hadn’t happened. Almost... Who was I kidding. I could never forget these past few years. There was no arguing I would never forget the attack but, what had happened to me here, since the attack, was almost worse. I didn’t want to give this up, though. I was going to sit here, on this wall, until the last possible moment.

Mike: [[ It seems that I made the right choice allowing Annisa to climb the wall. As I observe her for a moment I don’t see the person who lashes out at the world by hitting, biting, scratching and spitting at people. I don’t see the girl who acts as if it’s her against the world. I see someone vulnerable and at peace with with herself. If only I could help her have this all the time. I don't want to disrupt this moment but I have to. I clear my throat as I glance up in her direction.]] “When I was in college, I spent most of my weekends at the beach. Not to party or anything like that but to center myself and gain some perspective over my life. I doubted myself a lot wondering if I was going down the right path. The one thing I worried about is messing up someone’s life that I’m trying to help. I almost quit halfway through and told my dad I wanted to work at the Outfitters full-time but then as I sat on the beach and watched the waves crash into the rocks I remembered why I chose my career path and knew I couldn't allow fear to hold me back. I think I work in Port Angeles for the same reason. The water is a constant reminder of the promises I made to myself.” [[ I don’t know if Annisa is listening or not. I figure sharing something about myself won’t hurt.]] “ I take it you like the water...may I ask why?” ]]

Annisa:

With my eyes closed, I could hear the waves breaking against the rocks on the beach. But, I couldn’t see the view. I could close my eyes and hear that any day of the week. Today, now, I was getting a chance to actually see my beloved ocean. I wasn’t letting go of that for the world. From the top of the wall, I could also feel the cool breeze rolling in with the tide.

Since I’ve been in this place, it’s been nothing but shit, day after day, week after week, month after month. Today though, was the first time I was actually given something that made me the tiniest bit happy. I hated that it was him that gave it to me. He was going to make me bipolar with the way he was treating me. Then again, I was still pretty sure this was all part of his master plan. He tried being the bad cop, found out real quick that doesn’t work with me so, he’s changing his tactic and trying out being the good cop. Not good enough. It was going to take a lot more than this to get me to trust him. Granted, he passed my little test but, still. I needed to know that someone was going to take me at my word before I started opening up. They all knew where I stood, what my story was. I told it for the first year and a half I was here. I never wavered, the story never changed. They just never wanted to believe me. Until someone did, I was done telling it. My life story was not up for discussion. I sighed deep, letting him know he was just blowing smoke and went back to enjoying my view.

Mike: [[ This is where things get tricky. We can’t keep doing things the same way. I can’t do all the talking. Annisa can’t continue to retreat into her mind and act out at a drop of a hat. It’s evident she is enjoying herself. I have a feeling she’d like more if it. However there needs to be some give and take. I’m not asking for much. Just a little cooperation. I respect her then she has to respect me.

That is easier said than done. I know that. I run my fingers over my face as I try to conjure up a way to move this along in a positive direction. The one thing I respect about Annisa is the fact she will call a person on their bullshit. She did it with past therapist. I’m sure if she wasn’t engrossed in the view ahead of her she’d be saying a few choice words to me or attempting to claw my eyes out again.

“Look Annisa, I’m not out here to try and figure you out. As you can see I don’t have a pad and pen with me. I don’t have a recorder hidden in my pocket. We are out here because I figured this is something you’d like to experience. This doesn’t have to be the only time. I like the outdoors. The weather doesn’t bother me. All I ask is if I do this for you, I’ll get some cooperation from you. How? Like doing more than giving me death glares. Actually engage in conversation. We can make it game. When we are out here instead of in my office you ask me a question and I have to give an honest answer and vise versa. The only rule is I can’t ask about the incident that brought you here and you can’t ask questions that would compromise my job. ]]

Annisa:

This is how it always starts. I give you something, you give me something in return. Then before you know it, they are trying to convince me into believing that what I saw with my own two eyes was just some figment of my own imagination, brewed up to make sense of what I actually saw. Seriously? Who would think that seeing a vampire attack and kill my friend, then some ginormous wolf come in and attack the vampire, would be more settling than seeing a bear attack and kill my friend? Because, I want to live in this fantasy land I fell into! Not! I want to believe vampires and enormous wolves don’t exist but, I know what I saw. There is nothing in this world that is going to get me to believe otherwise.

However, Mike is the only person that has ever given me something like this. If I don’t have to talk about the attack, what could it hurt? Lots, that what. That still left a lot of wiggle room for him. I swung my legs up onto the wall so I could face him, and pulled my knees up to my chest. Eyeing him cautiously, I give him a slight nod. Worse comes to worst and he asks me something I don’t want to answer and I am forced to go back inside for not responding. It’s not like this is something I’ve been given every day, anyway. I’ve lived this long without it. It’s up to me what each question is worth.

Mike: [[ I’m wary about feeling victorious about this. What I’m doing could backfire on me at any time. Regardless, I find myself smiling and nodding my head.]] “Great...okay so...I’ll be a gentleman and allow you to go first. What would you like to know about me?” [[ I’m pretty much a what you see is what you get sort of guy. I have my doubts Annisa will learn anything mind blowing about me.

Placing my hands in my pockets, I continue to glance up at Annisa and wait for her to actually speak to me and it not be a bunch of hostile words. A person's interests gives insight about who they are. I can learn a lot about Annisa just by what sort of questions she asks me and how she responds to what I tell her. I’m excited this tactic seems to be working. I may be premature with my optimism but hell a crumb is better than nothing.]]

Annisa:

I’m surprised when Mike doesn’t jump at the chance to ask me a question right off the bat, and gives me first shot at it. That’s okay. I have one question that has been burning into my brain for a little while now about him and he said he’d answer honestly, to any question, as long as it didn’t jeopardize his job. Of course, this one might set him off a little bit but, that’s okay. I shrugged internally as I thought about that. He’s set me off more than his fair share. Time for me to get my turn. “Okay. What kind of a shrink triggers a patient in the middle of a group session when she’s stoned out of her gourd already on all the meds the hospital is pumping into her?” My gaze shot daggers at him. Yes, I know he specifically asked me not to do that but, I couldn’t help it. How did he expect me to feel about it?

Mike: [[  I’m disappointed with the question Annisa decides to ask me. I was trying to stay away from this environment. I wanted her to relax a little but I guess that will take time. All I can do is give a honest answer. ]] “ A shrink that likes to ignite fires in patients that have promise in getting better who he doesn’t want giving up on life. Was it a good judgement call? Maybe not but I never claimed to be perfect. I’m sorry for taking that approach and placing you in that situation. It won’t happen again.” [[ I’m not afraid to own up to my mistakes. I already caught hell from #Zen.

“ Okay it’s my turn...I’d like you to answer my earlier question. Why do you like the ocean so much? You appear at peace and it suits you.” ]]

Annisa:

My mouth dropped open a little at his answer. Because, I was someone that appeared to have no fire? I’ve only attacked half the staff. No, I have absolutely no fight in me. At least he apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. That was a start. A shrink that can admit when he’s wrong. The world has not disappointed today. Although, one thought did stick in my mind and I felt like I needed to respond. “And my life looks all peaches and roses to you?” It wasn’t my question. It was rhetorical. So, I moved on.

I looked back out to the water as I answered his question to me. “I used to spend a lot of time there. It was peaceful.”

Tossing my gaze back to him, “Did you not once, ever see anything that led you to think something strange was happening in Forks?” I knew he had to have heard about the stories but, had he really never saw something odd? I think everyone in Forks had their own experiences that they waved off as just folklore. Things like “animal attacks” that happened all the time. People also disappeared all the time and it would be swept under the rug. I heard once that there had been this one family that showed up in town for a short amount of time. They never spent any time with anyone else in the town, stayed to themselves, then one day just up and disappeared. The whole family. Their house sits quiet, just like a ghost house, never put up for sale but, no one has lived there for a number of years. How can he not have one story?

Mike: [[ I stare at Annisa for a moment actually dumbstruck that even though I’m giving her an out she’s initiating a conversation that leads directly to why she is confined to this place. If she is thinking I’ll confirm her wild imaginations she’s wrong. I don't believe in the boogie man. I can’t say it like that to Annisa though. I try to chose my words wisely.

“ We both agree the ocean is peaceful. I guess that is an ongoing theme for a lot of people. Now about your question...of course I was exposed to odd things. Mainly in high school there were a lot of strange things. Large bear sightings in the woods. Missing people...rumors the Cullens weren’t human. After a while it just became talk to me since I never saw any proof of anything.  So I moved on from it.” [ I shrug my shoulders and regard Annisa for a moment.]] “ What is your favorite color? Mine is red.” ]]

Annisa:

By the look on Mike’s face, I can tell I’ve thrown him with my question. The rules were, he couldn’t ask me about the situation that landed me here. That didn’t mean I couldn’t ask him about it. He was my shrink, and he was from Forks. If I had half a chance of anyone believing me, it would be by him. I figured it had been a shot. Yet, from the way he answers my question, I can tell he is actually that ignorant to everything going on around him in Forks. I don’t know why this had become so important to me in this moment but, it had. “Purple.” I answered without another thought. Continuing on my quest, I spat out my next few questions without thinking, “Do you still live there? No wait… you already said you did. But, do you have family that still lives there? Wait… you told me that, too. The Outfitters. Don’t you think you owe it to them to know for sure? Beyond a shadow of a doubt? Especially considering, I assume your family is probably into hunting? Owning the store and all. With all the uncertainty, do you ever wonder, when your father is going out for a hunting trip, if he’s going to run into something other than a bear?” I knew this was more than I had said to anyone since I had been here but, for fuck’s sake, he was from Forks! I needed someone on my side.

Mike: [[ Maybe doing this question answer thing with Annisa is a bad idea. I’m trying to figure out if she is being for real with her questions or if she is fucking with me. I won’t end this yet. I’m curious to see how far Annisa would go. I keep my eyes trained on her and try to give her a thought proved response. ]]

“ Purple...that is the color of royalty. I can see it being a nice color on you.” [[ I nod my head at my thought then continue on with the next part of Annisa’s question. She’s all over the place. I know this time she’s working her own self up if she’s for real.]] “ How would I find out something like that for sure? I can’t question the La Push natives it’s a sworn secret...they can’t talk about it. The family accused of being vampires denied it. They did nothing to show dishonesty...unfortunately my father wouldn’t back down from hunting no matter what was out here. He thinks nothing is mightier than him with a gun in his hand.” ]]

Annisa:

Frustration seethed through my body. He was thinking about this too logically. Not an open-minded cell in his body. How do you explain to someone that one plus one doesn’t equal two anymore? That when they’ve been told all their lives that when they see hooves, they should be looking for horses, when in fact what is actually out there is zebras? I know none of this makes sense. To most, monstrous wolves and vampires are nothing more than a fairytale. Something people write books about to make their books more interesting and scary. Well, shit! They are scary! They are absolutely terrifying! This had been my dilemma for the past few years, and I was so tired of it. I honestly don’t know why I bothered with Mike. I thought maybe, just maybe, seeing as he was from Forks… but, nope. No one is ever going to believe me.

I twisted my body and let my legs drop back down off the edge of the wall, and looked back over to the water. I was going to miss this view. Because, what was the point in talking if no one was going to listen? “Forget it.”

Mike: [[ The  feisty Annisa I like to provoke arises but quickly diminishes when I don’t provide the responses that she desires to hear. I want to yell at her “Why try to convince your shrink the impossible is true when that will only assure you’ll be kept under lock and key? Why can’t you at least pretend you are accepting what you see as the bullshit we speak.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose feeling frustrated and defeated. I can’t seem to win here. All I wanted was to make this a casual thing to try and gain some trust from my patient but Annisa has just shown the only way to do that is to believe her fairy tales. I can’t do that. It goes against everything I’ve been taught. So just like that we are back to square one.

I shake my head not wanting to accept that. Something about all this bothers me. I take a closer step to the wall and climb up to the edge so that I’m sitting along side Annisa. Yeah I’m all in her personal space right now and it could prove to be a bad idea but I don’t want the orderlies to hear what I have to say. ]] “ No...I’m not going to forget it. Look I’m going to put myself on the line here as an act of good faith. There is something about your case that has bothered me from the first time I read your file. People who have disillusions such as yours where the truth is distorted there is a reason. They feel a sense of guilt for what they have done or haven’t done.

You didn’t cause the death of your friend and you never voiced you thought you did. Yes, witnessing such a death would cause trauma and everyone handles trauma differently but why of all things say a  vampire did it  and not only that why add in something like a wolf on steroids?” [[ Something is nagging at my subconscious but I can’t put my finger on it.]]

“ Okay...from what you have just asked me you want me to prove you right and me wrong which goes contrary to what is expected of me. You know what?  I’ll do it. All I ask is you give me a chance to check on some things. There are some people I can talk to and some research I can do. I can’t have distractions while I do that. So how about this...while I make an honest effort to prove you right you participate in groups and not just sit in silence, no attacking the staff, eat all your meals and take your meds without a fight. You do all that and you can have your time out here every day for an hour.” [[ I know what I’m doing can cause more harm than good and I’m asking myself what the fuck I’m doing? I can lose my licence if #Zen finds out about this shit.]]

Annisa:

I was weary as Mike started to climb the wall to sit next to me. This was too damn close for my comfort. I liked my space. Sure, I was good at getting into other people’s space when I wanted to, like jumping a nurse, or attacking my therapist but, that was always on my terms. Having Mike sitting on the wall next to me was uncomfortable and it forced me to scoot away a bit.

As Mike started in, there was one thing I could say that he was definitely wrong about. I felt guilty. I felt guilty for a lot. There were so many things I could have done differently, like not agreed to go out on that trail that morning. But, we had hiked it so many times before. I could have talked her into going to the beach, instead. Or rock climbing. There were so many other activities I could have talked her into that day but, I let her talk me into the hike. But, all that is hindsight, and as we all know hindsight is 20/20. I had come to terms with most of that. How was I supposed to know that there would be an actual vampire out in those woods? We had both been told that was all a myth. There were no vampires. The stories weren’t real. The one thing I still felt guilty about was how was it that I survived and she didn’t? What twist of fate caused her to be the one that was attacked and not me? It could have easily have been me. If I had decided to go first on the trail, it would have been me. What right did I have to live and not her? But, who was I going to talk with about all that when they didn’t believe the basic part of my experience?

My mouth dropped open like a complete idiot as he continued. Was he actually saying what I thought I was hearing? Was he actually going to look into this? Was it possible that this was going to be a turning point for me? Or was he totally just fucking with me to try to get me to become more compliant? This was a chance I was going to have to take. This was what I had been waiting for, hoping for for a long time. I needed this to happen. However, I couldn’t make promises I couldn’t keep. The meds mixed with antagonizing staff sometimes piqued my anger. I didn’t always have control over everything I did.

Turning slightly toward Mike, I offered what I could. “I can promise to make an honest effort, if you do.”

Mike: [[ I can’t say I know Annisa well enough to know when she is being upfront or not. All I know is when she doesn’t want to do something she normally flat out refuses no matter the consequences. The fact she hasn’t tried to shove me off the wall is a clue she’s being honest with me. If she says she’ll make an honest effort then I can accept that. I give Annisa a genuine smile and nod my head. ]] “ You have my word Annisa, I will make an honest effort as well. ”

[[ Wrong...wrong...wrong...I shouldn’t be doing this but something about this girl’s case has a death grip on me. I want her to be right because saying she’s insane seems out of whack for some reason.

I do plan on making the effort to find out the truth. I will try to keep an open mind and get to the bottom of this. What if she did see what she saw and there is a logical explanation Annisa could accept as the truth. It’s up to me to find out what it is once and for all. My phone vibrates in my pocket signaling this session is pretty much over. For the first time in months I feel as if Annisa and I have made progress. Yes, it could easily be fractured but still it’s progress. ]] “ Our time is almost up Annisa. Before we go inside is there anything else you’d like to ask? This would be the time…” ]]

Annisa:

I hated myself for getting my hopes up on this but, this was the first time in years that I felt like something was finally going right for me. I half expected it all to blow up in my face but, I still felt almost a little giddy at the prospect of someone having a tiny bit of faith in me. At the same time, I felt a little sorry for Mike. If he looked deep enough and found out what I knew to be true, his whole world was going to crash down upon him. How would he look those truths in the face? Could I trust him to be true to his word and put an actual effort into finding out the truth, no matter what it meant for his life? Would he make a couple phone calls, read a few articles in the news and call it quits? Or would he actually go the distance I needed him to go and uncover what I’ve been trying to tell everyone all along? Not to mention, what would happen once he believed me? Bridges, Annisa. Those are bridges I can cross when I come to them. For now I have to take his word for it. If I don’t, I get nowhere, nothing changes. No one ever learns the truth. I stay locked up with everyone thinking I’m insane, and the world lives on not knowing how close they are to their own deaths.

I look down as his phone vibrates from his pocket and he tells me that signals the end of the session. He offered me one final question before we were finished. I wanted to ask him what he would do if he found out I was telling the truth. However, I didn’t want to get him all in his own head, giving him an excuse not to look too hard. I also wanted to thank him for everything he had done for me today, or said he was going to do but, I knew better. I had been promised things in the past and I wasn’t thanking anyone until they actually showed me something in return. I read a great saying in a book one time, “Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the final analysis, words mean nothing. They are labels we give things in an effort to wrap our puny little brains around their underlying natures, when ninety-nine percent of the time the totality of the reality is an entirely different beast. The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them.” I’ve tried to live by those words when it came to trusting people. This time was going to be no different.

There was only one other thing I wanted to know. “Do you consider yourself an honest man?”

Mike:[[ Annisa’s questions never cease to amaze me. She comes from an angle I don’t expect. As a therapist it’s my job to try and be one step ahead of who I’m helping. I should be able to have a clue what direction my patient is going so I can help to guide them in the right direction but Annisa is proving to be in a class by herself. Her question in itself requires a honest answer which could prove to be an issue for most people.]]

“ I consider myself as having integrity. I wouldn’t be able to get up every morning and face myself in the mirror if I wasn’t honest with myself first. Lies always come back to bite you in the ass. They can only be hidden for so long. I’ve seen what happens to a person who lives under the illusion of lies. I never want that to be me. Am I perfect? No...then I’d be lying. I do miss the mark at times. I hope that answers your question.” ]]

Annisa:

I took in the whole of the answer Mike gave me and processed it. He could have given me a quick yes or no answer. He didn’t have to admit that he knows himself not to be perfect. I guess it’s good enough for now so, I give him a small nod before turning around on the wall and jumping back down to the ground. These next few days were going to be slightly agonizing until I see some results of his promise but, I’ve been in here how many years with absolutely no motion forward. What’s a few more days?

Mike:[[ Once Annisa is back on the ground I nod to the orderlies they can take her back to her room. ]] “ I’ll speak with you soon. You’ll get your outside time this time everyday unless the weather doesn’t permit it.” [[ I need to get back inside. I have several more session scheduled for today. I gave my word to #Zen I wouldn’t neglect my other patients to only focus on Annisa. It’s hard though. Something about her has me so intrigued. ]]

#Compromise

[betrayedvirtue]

CRIMINAL

My eyes felt like there was glue holding them together as I tried to pry them open. Things were hazy and I wasn’t quite sure where I was. It definitely wasn’t my five by seven. There was actual padding on the walls in the cell I was in. I had seen these rooms in movies but, I didn’t think they actually existed.

Fuck! I couldn’t move my body! Were my eyes even open? I could swivel my head but, from the neck down, I couldn’t move! What the hell did they do to me?! Was this it?! They were finally drugging me so bad I was paralyzed, then putting me in a room and throwing away the key?! Panic drummed through my veins and I could hear the swishing of the blood in my head.

Ouch! Well, I guess I could move my legs. My left one had shot out in a kick and the wall had been way too close, driving my hip right up into its joint. I struggled to figure out just what the hell was happening, and as my vision got better and the sedation began to wear off, I realized I wasn’t paralyzed. I was just back in a straight jacket. That made sense. Can’t work with the patient? Lock them up. Don’t bother listening, understanding, finding a common ground. Just lock the fucker up and toss away the key. Seriously, was this healthcare or a jail? Obviously, it was the latter. That’s fine. They want to treat me like a criminal, I’ll show them criminal!

I was fed up with drugs being shoved down my throat, therapists that didn’t believe one word I said, art classes, and journaling… Who was kidding who with that one?! Do they really believe that we had no idea that while we were down in the cafeteria, eating our meals, they were in our room, reading through our journal entries? I never put anything in that thing! It was full of entries that read:

Saturday, November 4th: 6am - Shower time 7am - Breakfast: eggs and sausage 9am - Group 12pm - Lunch: Ham & Cheese sandwich 1pm - Art class 2pm - Free time 5pm - Dinner: Unsure, tasted like some sort of meat 6pm to 8pm - TV time 8pm - Quiet, solitary time 9pm - Meds

I was far from an idiot! And from now on, “Mike” was getting no more from me. Next time I would be ready for him. I began to plot the second my mind became more aware. I would not be caught off guard again! He wanted to try to push my buttons? I knew his game now. I would adjust mine.

#Criminal