betterthang0odenough
'Refuse to be forgotten..'
"Only so many things can be said with words, Its the feelings behind those words that make them special." - Unknown
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Letter to myself.
Well bud.... its here... October 2, 2017. The day where you thought you would be celebrating your 6th year anniversary with the girl who once made you the happiest person in the world. But sadly, that isn’t the case. You got your heart completely taken out of your chest and stomped on like it never meant anything to her. You felt like there was no hope to anything. You put yourself and your body through hell to try and numb the pain and it didn’t help. You tried and tried and tried to fix what clearly just wasn’t fixable or not meant to be. You did some things you are not proud of out of anger because of what she did to you. You lost motivation, you lost hope, you lost happiness, you found happiness in alcohol to the point where it was not good for you. You put your all into what you cherished the absolute most in this world. You tried to change, you tried to not let things bother you but couldn’t do it. You got knocked the fuck down, like never before, you felt like there was no way back from this.. but you know what bro.. you got back up. On your own. You let things go, you stopped doing the things that you know would not help you whatsoever, right now youre doing what you promised yourself you wouldn’t do, and that’s everything that led to the destruction of what you and her had. And to that my friend, im proud of you. Im proud of how far you’ve come with this. And yeah is some of this maybe a little extreme? Probably but you know what dude, fuck that. Because this shit nearly killed you, nearly caused you to lose all motivation and desire from everything, and maybe you did feel that way for a little, you didn’t let it stick. Believe me bro shit did get dark for a minute. Yes, today is hard, it sucks, you want to have hope shell reach out to you, you want to reach out to her just to see how she’s doing but you and I both know that that’s 99% not going to happen. You realize that maybe the whole russ and michelle time really is over.. and there really is no going back. At least not right now or ever. But the fact of the matter is, you’ve come a long way since march. You focused on you, you focused on your physical health and hit gym accomplishments you didn’t think you would hit. You’re working your ass off grinding and doing your thing. You’re getting better. Believe it or not, you. Are. Getting. Better. Regardless of how you may feel now, or tomorrow, or the next day, you’re improving. And you have to promise yourself that you wont go back down that road again because it was not good russ it was not. You had a taste of that road again this weekend getting drunk for 3 nights straight.. but that’s not you. No one should ever make you feel the horrible way that she made you feel when it all ended.. and I know it hurts when you see pictures of you guys, or when you go on facebook and see homecoming pictures, of all the good times you guys had, the laughs, tears, fights, heart to hearts.. the poems she used to write about you.. “brown eyed boy”.. but its going to be ok. Yeah at work this weekend the couple that got married had a very similar story like the both of you did (minus the whole breaking up of course) and that brought up some feels.. but you’re proof its going to be ok. This whole thing, “letter to myself” may be a little crazy but you need to be telling yourself this because you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be finding yourself, and shes allowed to go find herself, maybe one day she’ll realize she had something that was absolutely amazing like she once thought and that those few months were just a horrible road block and come back to you, maybe you’ll never hear from her ever again, maybe you’ll see each other in downtown Naperville, maybe you’ll see her at Cantigny, or the mall, or on the street, and if you do. Smile dude. Smile that she may have a smile on her face. The smile that lit of your world, the smile that gave you hope, the smile that came after her telling you “you’re an idiot” be happy that shes happy. You both deserve it, and if it’s not with eachother, then it is what it is. You can think about all the vacations, memories, holidays, all of that. And you can smile about that because you know you made her extremely happy for a large portion of her life. But you also know you made her very upset. And maybe you do need to forgive her for how she destroyed you.. maybe you need to forgive yourself first for the things you did to her.. but overall my brother. Im proud of you, im proud of the progress you’ve been making. This girl was your world for almost 5 and a half years, you have every right to feel this way. But, it is what it is. Things are the way that they are. But you’re getting there, one day youll delete those pics, youll throw away pictures, burn the notes you still have, get rid of that picture of her that you still have somewhere in your room. You’re going to be ok kid. Im proud of you.
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Where is someone wen u need them the most?
Oh yea out at a fucking party and then wen u tell them ur going to bed that's the last u hear from them until 3:45.. thanks for making time to talk. Fuck this shit.
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Tonight is gonna suck, and the night after that...and the night after that..basically any night that im not able to cuddle and sleep with her is a night that sucks :/ i literally get the best sleep when im with her even if i dont sleep i still get the best sleep..i love her sooo much and i miss her more than anything :(
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The fact that my girlfriend has only asked me once today how my grandpa is and 2 of my friends have asked me multiple times.
What's wrong with that picture.
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Idk wat more they want from me.
Like I said, I don't spend money then comments get made, I do spend money And comments get made. I drive 200 miles and comments get made. Like what the fuck. It's a lose lose situation. Hearing about how they bitch about how I go about my life when it comes to money makes me not wana spend it. Like I have this amazing plan for when we go out to dinner but it prolly still won't be good enough. Like idk how I feel about this vacation now. I'm done trying to please them. If you like me then great that's cool. If not, then too fucking bad.
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Yeah what a great last anniversary before she leaves.
First of all she doesn't even say it this morning until I have to say, something. Second of all we argued half the night. I ended up falling asleep because we didn't do anything but watch that wedding show. Then she doesn't even say it when wer on the phone saying goodnight. Like wtf kind of anniversary is that? Well Atleast it was a good one before she left. (Fucking sarcasm)
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I understand but.
Like i come to everything that im invited too when it comes to her family and i help out as much as i can when there is something going on and they need it, like i fucking go pick her up twice without asking for money for gas or anything like that but yet i have a graduation party and neither of them can come? like its understandable when work is related of course and i gues when you have stuff to do but its just fucking respectful to come for even a half an hour. like its so disrespectful because i do so much shit than i need to when her dad needs help with something or even her mom, i fucking carry in THEIR groceries when im over and her mom comes home, i fucking put miles on MY car to go pick her up to bring her home. i take off work from MY job and miss out on money that i need to go pick her up for them which i honestly dont mind only because i get to see her and spend time with her but you know what i mean. Like my fucking parents went to her graduation party and they had stuff to do.. But i have one graduation party and no one besides her can even show up? like it fucking pisses me off, i understand if youre busy but i still have every right to be pissed off and upsetted by it.Yeah im sure you're sorry you cudnt make it.
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