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Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size? The Mummy Returns (2001) dir. Stephen Sommers

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ive been watching the holiday season of nailed it all day and in episode 6 the bakers were fucking up so badly that the camera man was repeatedly driven to literal tears while shakily filming their creations

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the Fast and the Furious franchise  is a homoerotic exploration of humanity’s vision of a multi-ethnic mechanised orgy of pain and fraternal bonding. In this essay I will

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openly lusting for kitchenware and home goods that you will never be able to afford

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i’m screaming someone used an AI predictive text trained on all 7 harry potter books to write a new chapter and it’s the funniest goddamn thing i’ve ever read

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listen… nothing in this world makes sense. fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing and boxing rings are square and noses run and feet smell and shrek 1 and 2 made it to cannes film festival. just do whatever the fuck you want honestly

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have a relationship thats mature enough to sit down and be like “ look this is our problem and this is how we’re gonna fix it..” SIMPLE

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first day of college in media: “Please open up your textbooks to chapter three because I expect you to have already read the first two chapters in preparation for starting this class”

first day of college in reality: “We’re going to spend the next hour slowly and thoroughly going over every page of the syllabus because I strongly suspect at least half of you assholes don’t actually know how to read”

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Is your dad Ron Swanson? (via blooper2112)

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based on the assumption that human blood can survive in a vampire for about the same amount of time it can in a human body, vampires would only need to feed three or four times a year (red blood cells live about 110 days on average). this would be if they completely drained all their victims.

humans can survive losing up to about 40% of their blood, which means that a vampire pushing their limits with each victim would probably need to feed 12 times a year minimum