bewaretheidesofmarchyall

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Sometimes reading Arthuriana feels like reading Alice in Wonderland.

“Well,” said Alice, “these are a dreadfully strange assortment of objects!”

“They all symbolize different aspects of Our Lord’s martyrdom,” said the Fisher King, casting a line into his teacup.

“Indeed. I am sure everything symbolizes something else, for if everything was only itself I should be very confused. Might I ask what the point of the bleeding lance is?”

Alice regretted asking the question as soon as she had done so, for she saw the pun that would likely be made about the word point. Instead, however, the room erupted in applause and shouts of “The Grail! She has achieved the Grail!”

The next castle she visited, Alice resolved to herself as the inhabitants of this one danced for joy, would be more sensible.

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.” 

i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me. 

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

i’ll never forget the time like 10 years ago when i was calling my cat inside for the night (we found her as a stray and i didn’t know outdoor cats were bad yet, so we were slowly getting her used to living indoors). i kept calling for her over and over because she already knew her name (she’s so smart) but she didn’t always respond immediately and it usually took a while. so i was just standing in the backyard calling out into the night and eventually i saw a shape moving in the darkness. and i was like !!! yay!! kitty!! i see you cmere! come over here! and i swear the shape kinda stopped in its tracks, like in confusion, like asking “are you sure you want me to do that”. but i kept coaxing it closer, and then slowly trundling out of the shadows was a very confused opossum.

and we just stared at each other for a second not moving. and then i said something like. “uh. you’re not my cat. you can… you can go.”

and it just kinda turned back around and walked off into the night. my cat showed up a few minutes later but i’ve never stopped thinking about that

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

went to my best friend’s house last night and saw a little plushie dog and plushie cat that had been sewn together down the middle into a two-headed chimera. I said, “did you do that?” she said, “yes, I saved them.”

turns out at her old job when the last two plushies hadn’t sold and became deadstock, her boss told her to cut them up and throw them out. so she cut them each in half, preserved their heads, and then rebuilt them together.

cannot stop thinking about the way these little plushies were approached with the instinct of a Vampire or some sort of ancient god. “Let me save you [turn you into a monster].”

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

less fanfiction is inherently bad and therefore shameful to joke about dante or shakespeare or any number of classic works being fanfiction due to their referential and intertextual nature and more damn isnt it crazy derivative and intertextual works have been like one of the major pillars of storytelling for millennia and now suddenly this is like illegal to do with modern works without a studio executive or lawyers or formal contracts and money exchanging hands and one of the few legally ignored ways to still do that is exclusively available to people writing mostly anonymously in specific communities for amateurs with highly specific community interests and norms and storytelling desires who can receive no money or great fame from this endeavor lest the lawyers come after you because this is also still not really legal anyways its genuinely fucked up you suddenly cant just write books about a bunch of characters created by other people less than 100 years ago and reinterpret and reengage with them in exciting new ways

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

what if purgatory wqas called purpletory and it wassss purple 🟪

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

everything is a horse if you are wrong about what things are

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

cannot stop saying “call me richard the way I’m the third”. I’m not even a third anything. can someone more appropriate take this curse from me

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

call me richard the way im the third

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Blog header that just reads "nonstandard DNI criteria".

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

The captain: Another man gone. There is doom looming over the ship.

Mina: Completely unrelated but legend has it that mourning bells can be heard from here when a ship is lost.

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

The writers of Buffy messed up the lore at various points, but I think the silliest way they did it was definitely when they established that vampires CAN move around in daylight but only if they have a blanket over their head and go "yeouch ouch owie" the whole time

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

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[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

a kitty is like a stuffed animal that is so heavy and it bite you and she loves you so much and you're best friends

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

There's no GOD DAMN WAY Ben Shapiro actually said Lex Luthor should be the hero and Superman should be the villain. No but he actually said that in his review of the movie.

These people are so mask off it's actually insane. Like comics need to keep coming up with crazier and more outrageously evil things for their villains to do because people like Ben Shapiro keep supporting them UNIRONICALLY. IN REAL LIFE.