beyuwol - Tumblr blog

[beyuwol]

acting had never really been something yuwol thought of. taking a moment to review his life so far though, he realized that’s exactly what he’d been doing in his day-to-day. to his parents, to the people his parents would flaunt him towards, to his peers—and now, in next gen too. it comes easier than he thought, but it’s something that he only discovered here. maybe he should be grateful.

despite this, he hadn’t exactly expected the concept that he would be assigned to. “it’ll be interesting to see how you handle other concepts moving forward,” seo ran had said following up her praise. yuwol wonders whether it was on purpose, putting him in a team with a concept that’s the complete opposite of his previous performance. regardless, he’s thankful for the opportunity. it’s his chance to show that he’s able to live up to her expectations, whatever it may be.

he also appreciates jueun’s enthusiasm and encouragement, taking time out of her day to ensure he has the concept down. “is this what you’d call… warm-up exercises for stage acting?” he’s not really asking, more like thinking aloud. he does think it’ll help though, get him more used to these types of facial expressions.

yuwol hums, trying to set a scene in his head. a partner, huh? yuwol tries to think of what this potential partner would like, and he ends up laughing—genuinely, at the idea of what he should do. the smile remains, even as he’s looking at the mirror and forming cat ears with his fingers on both hands.

like jueun had done earlier, he puffs his cheeks, pouting—he’d seen it directed towards him more than a few times, he’d like to think he can imitate it. it’s kind of embarrassing, especially looking back at what—and who—he thought of, but maybe the red on his ears only adds to the cuteness of it all.

“okay… how was that?” he asks, turning to jueun for her feedback.

✦ . ˚ — @beyuwol

"here, follow me."

with that, jueun turned toward the mirror before demonstrating what she meant to yuwol. this round was focused on concepts, and they were meant to be cute and bright. in other words, this was tailor fit for jueun.

with how much her ranking has dropped, she couldn't risk being eliminated, which meant she was more focused on making sure that everybody on her team was on board with the concept. while she didn't think yuwol was lacking in any way, she felt like he could definitely pull up the cuteness levels as he performed.

"i know it might be hard, but we have to act for the cameras! i saw you do it in the last round, so i know you can pull it off for this performance as well!" she said before giving him a light pat on the back. "come on, i want you to look in the mirror with me and pretend like you're on a date and trying to make your partner smile or something. you'll have to do it for the performance anyway."

with that, she puffed up her cheeks before poking it with one of her fingers. jueun has the experience from modeling and other activities she's done as a freelancer, and while it may be a little cringey, she thinks it'll help warm yuwol up for what's expected of them on the day of the performance.

[beyuwol]

next gen is an opportunity for yuwol to polish his other performance skills, a chance for him to stray away from the violin that his parents had pushed onto him ever since he was a child. it's an instrument he had grown rather reliant on, as if he's playing to survive—now, though, he thinks he's taking steps away from that. slowly, but surely. whether his parents are fond of it or not.

although yuwol never expected himself to be rapping, of all things. it's a fast-paced skill, heavy on the rhythm. once again, something he's green with. he doesn't have too many rap lines—but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to do good with what he has. he wants to make sure their performance go beyond the standard. @bejingren seems to be on the same boat as him, so yuwol thinks they can work on this together.

"let's run through our lines," yuwol suggests. "since a few of them are actually back-to-back," he notices. they've split up a few of the rap verses between the two of them, all the more reason why they should work together. make sure everything flows nicely. "back it up, pack it up..."

[beyuwol]

yuwol can't lie, he's a little surprised that he finds himself in a team with @beyejun again. he thought they'd mix the groups enough that he'd be alongside new faces. then again, there's a limited amount of people in the first place. that being said, he isn't going to complain—he's glad about it, because he's familiar with yejun and they've worked together before, even prior to next gen.

the other reason is... well, he's worried about his friend, especially after events in the previous episode. they did win in the end, but that doesn't mean all of yejun's burdens suddenly turn light on his shoulders. yuwol doesn't mean to hover over yejun's being at all times; yejun is an independent and capable person. but, still.

in true yuwol fashion though, he doesn't say anything outright. "what do you feel about the concept we have, this time?" yuwol asks, his voice soft as always, hoping he doesn't alarm the other. "it's a completely different route than what we came up with previously." safe to call it an exact opposite to what they did with cake, that's for sure.

[beyuwol]

ultimately, yuwol thinks his team have come up with a fitting storyline for the upcoming assignment that has been chosen for them. although he has his own reservations about the concept itself, it's not something he dislikes either. honestly, it's kind of new and refreshing; being cute and bright, the complete opposite of his usual disposition. but that's why he's in next gen, isn't it? to step out of his comfort zone, and actually doing something worthwhile. outside of his reliance on the violin.

while brainstorming alongside the others for a suitable rendition to the concept had been fruitful, yuwol draws a blank when it comes to constructing choreographies. it was what his previous team's performance lacked too; their own original choreography to go along with the story they're trying to tell. so that's why he's with @hangyeolbe, who undoubtedly has more experience in the area.

"the judges told us how modifying the choreography could express the storyline we're attempting to tell better," yuwol starts, blinking at himself in the mirror before turning to his teammate. "but to be honest, i'm not the best when it comes to that." he had just gotten his bearings on dancing as a whole. although he doesn't want to place all the burden onto hangyeol, has no intention to stress the other man out, he had to be honest when it comes to the things he lacks.

[beyuwol]

@kouxbe

✉ : yuwol (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈)

> han yuwol > are you crazy????? ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ > jumping up thirteen ranks???? (⸝⸝⸝･ᯅ･⸝⸝⸝)◞♥︎ > see i knew you could do it ദ്ദി ꒦ິ꒳꒦ິ )✧ > you performed so well and you did so good on the stage… you’re really so amazing how is it that you’re so good at everything (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )づ♡ i never once doubted you!! your mind is so pretty how did you come up with that idea? > i could only focus on you (｡>﹏<) > i’m so happy for you i don’t think i’ve ever felt so happy in my life…!!! i really really really want you to know that i’m proud of you and that i see how hard you’re trying and that i really really love you (˶ ˘ ³˘)ˆᵕ ˆ˶) > ah but you already knew that right??? > i’ll see you at home!! you must be busy training (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ > i’ll prepare you something to eat for dinner > ( dinner.jpg ) your dinner!! > (๑>؂•̀๑)

(  ✉  )     outgoing   →  kou ≽^•⩊•^≼  !

> i don’t know how you say all this so easily > i don’t know what to say > it wasn’t all me, though? and it’s a little too early for celebrations, isn’t it? > thank you, kou. > haha. let’s talk more later.

[beyuwol]

"it must've been hard," yuwol replies. he hadn't exactly kept up with the previous season when it was airing, despite knowing a few of the people who signed up as participants. it's not that he doesn't want to, he just doesn't have the attention span for it. now that he's a contestant himself, he watched back on a few episodes, hoping to find something that would help him for the next mission. that meant he'd seen kou in the roster, among others. "you've done a lot to improve, though. maybe i'll take you up on those home lessons another day. today... my limbs are screaming." it felt like they were, with how they're burning.

yuwol isn't surprised when kou starts dragging him around the store, which draws a laugh out of him. it's like they're grocery shopping together, it's so uncharacteristically domestic. he's not used to it—he never would be, he believes, but the more he spends time with kou, the more this is becoming his new normal. yuwol doesn't complain, he allows kou to take him around, watching as kou fills up their basket with different things.

the younger talks about muscle patches, and yuwol listens. "it's okay, i think i can put them on myself. i need to learn how to on my own, especially if i'm going to... stick around." the truth is, yuwol doesn't exactly believe he'd make it to the last episode in the first place. it's not because of the harsh judgement tanking his motivation and self-confidence—there are others with stronger desires to be idols, whereas yuwol signed himself up for a reason that's a little more abstract. but he does want to be better. he wants to try.

he doesn't make any comments about what kou is adding to the cart, until they reach the fruit aisle. it's only then that yuwol squints, grimacing slightly. "i don't think i'm going to win," yuwol says in a mumble, but kou probably wouldn't take too kindly to that rebuttal. instead, yuwol tries to—discreetly—put a few of the fruits back into the shelves. not all, because then kou would be suspicious or even outright say something about it, but yuwol thinks he can handle that. he can maneuver his way through that conversation, since kou... has a soft spot for him ( and he's only starting to realize this recently ).

eventually, kou is pulling him into a corner, which is cause for concern. before he could ask though, kou is whispering into his ear, lips brushing against it. yuwol, caught slightly off guard, flinches. even more so after he registers what kou had just said.

no one can blame yuwol for having his cheeks heat up, despite how direct kou always is he hadn't expected kou to bluntly request they buy condoms. in a convenience store, no less. like he's simply checking off a list of items in his head. knowing kou, that's probably how he sees it. but, as embarrassing as it is—kou isn't wrong, they've been sleeping together far more often than he thought they would. the problem is, yuwol had never been good at saying no to kou. that, and—it's fun; it makes him feel alive. every mark kou leaves behind is another sign he's alive.

ah, but. "we could... but we shouldn't be doing it as often." he keeps his voice soft too, he doesn't want anyone that happens to pass by to hear what they're talking about. as much as he can, he tries to keep it vague. "you're always... rough, and i need to be able to walk and dance for the upcoming weeks." even saying that is enough to make yuwol feel bad, so he remembers to ruffle kou's hair alongside his words, hoping it'd be reassuring enough. because it's not that he dislikes how kou touches him ( honestly, that's far from the truth ), circumstances are simply not in their favour right now.

"we can get them another time. or we could get them now, and save them for... later." he never thought he'd be discussing things like these, especially in an open space. this is normal, right? it is, but yuwol isn't sure himself. even with his previous relationship, his only other relationship, it was never this intense ( and they aren't even... in a relationship ).

the feel of yuwol’s hand against his hair isn’t unfamiliar, but kou relishes in it. he smiles, and lets his head tilt ever so gently so that yuwol can get a better grip. “it’s okay,” he says, because for him, this is nothing compared to the months he’d waited for yuwol to look his way. “it must be. when i first started dancing, my legs were burning. i couldn’t walk for days,” instinctively, he moves closer to yuwol, following the older boy. he empathises with the pain of learning choreography. kou was never much of a dancer, had actually been thrown into this whole idol thing … accidentally (a school project turned trainee offer). “if you ever need help, you can ask me. i could give you secret lessons at home,” still, he knows a thing or two about soothing the muscle ache and makes a mental note to help yuwol when they’re back at his apartment, which thankfully, isn’t too far off. 

something to get? he looks around the store, and it genuinely takes almost everything out of him not to cling onto yuwol. typically, he’d like to wrap an arm around yuwol’s waist or shoulder but he decides against it. if only for a moment. instead his hands find yuwol and gently he tugs at the older boy to grab a basket. “we should get you some muscle patches,” he says, leaning towards the rack to look through the different array offered. “i used to use this one. it really helps,” he places it into the basket and turns to yuwol. ah. so cute, he thinks. yuwol is so so cute. 

he hasn’t seen yuwol up close like this in hours, and so his gaze lingers a little longer than usual. he wonders if yuwol can tell how much kou’s missed him. that despite them being in the same building, the fact that they weren’t even able to interact had been enough to kill him. he forces his gaze away and points to the muscle patch he’d just placed in the basket. “that one really helped me when my thighs felt like they were burning. i can help you put them on the hard to reach places later,” he smiles. his expression is nonchalant, but his intentions aren’t exactly pure either. maybe yuwol might catch that.

he walks over to the food aisle and picks up some fruits next, placing them in the basket as well. “you haven’t been eating your fruits. they’re gonna go bad. you need to be healthy if you’re going to win next gen,” he doesn’t really leave much room for argument as he places more content in the basket. next is some milk that he’s sure yuwol is out of, and some toothpaste. “we’re running out of toothpaste too.” we. it feels almost natural for kou to say – as though he was a tenant in yuwol’s apartment as well. he doesn’t pick up on his little slip of the tongue though, and instead continues loading the items into the basket.

anything else? he pauses for a moment, going through a quick checklist in his head. food, done. muscle patches, done. household items… done? ah. “oh,” he turns to yuwol, about to say something, until he realises that it might not be exactly fitting to say it out loud. he pulls the older boy closer to him as they go to a corner. 

“we’re running out of condoms,” he whispers, lips grazing across yuwol’s ear. ever since the guitar incident, yuwol and kou have been… actively getting together. physically. it’s not as though kou is an animal (he is) but he does realise that they go at it, a little more frequently than one would expect. but it’s not like anyone could blame them though – or blame kou. yuwol’s so pretty, and kou likes him a lot. he’s greedy and it feels as though nothing can ever really feed his insatiable thirst. a thought for another day. plus, if he’s planning on helping yuwol with his muscle patches tonight… he thinks that they might need them. “they sell them here but… should we get them?” he asks, genuinely wondering if he should. “since we’re already here…”

[beyuwol]

he had been trying for subtle, suggesting a break and hoping it’d come off as an off-handed comment. but that was silly, yejun probably felt bad about it. yuwol isn’t exactly good at this… comforting thing, although he’d still like to try. yejun is rubbing at his head, clearly in some form of distress. yuwol isn’t going to try to pry it out of him—especially knowing that there are still cameras all around them—but he doesn’t need to know what’s wrong to lend an ear or help out in any other way. he was never the most nosy person in the first place.

“haha,” a light laugh. “i might need a break too. my arms are already sore from practicing dance all day.” that’s not exactly a lie, despite yuwol being more than willing to play his violin until his hands are worn out and fatigued. still, that won’t heighten their chances in the survival show. if anything, it might make it worse. “we can pick it back up tomorrow. we’ve been doing pretty well. and it’s late.”

to his surprise, yejun does talk. reveals a little more than yuwol thought he would, so yuwol listens, lets yejun share as much as he’d like. whether it’s a lot, or none at all. he notices the shift in tone at the mention of yejun’s parents, realizes how consequential it must be—and how dreadful the circumstances must be, for yejun to speak of the situation in such a matter. again, yuwol doesn’t pry. he doesn’t see it as necessary too. he had obtained enough information from that alone. a flash of understanding, maybe.

yuwol nods. he can ask for the details later; where to, how far, whether there would be movers—all those things can be discussed at a later time. right now, what’s important is; “of course i can help. i’ll be happy to,” and he means that. “i don’t have anything planned on saturday. i can stay a bit longer and help you sort your things out too, if you’d like.” nothing can be more important than being there for a friend in their time of need. besides, yejun probably wouldn’t handle being left alone in an empty apartment well right off the bat, in this state.

yuwol says it's okay, but yejun knows that it's not. his friend is just being nice to him, encouraging him so he doesn't get stuck in his own head too much before their all too important performance. their place on the show is on the line now; the eliminations will be upon them before they know it. another heavy sigh escapes him, burying his face in his hands and trying to rub out the headache he feels building behind his eyes. this is a terrible time to get a migraine and yet it was probably inevitable, the stress getting to him one way or another.

"i just took a break," yejun bemoans his situation, pressing on his eyes for a moment longer before finally looking back up at yuwol. he knows he's being obvious; yejun has never been a good liar. but it's too obvious to ignore, apparently, since yuwol asks him that loaded question: are you alright?

yejun could lie, he could say he's fine, just tired, dealing with a headache. but regardless of being friends, regardless of the fact that he owes yuwol and the others his best possible performance right now, yejun just doesn't think he can keep it all in. will this be on tv too? he asks himself, eyes sliding to the cameras in the room as he considers how bad it might be if his parents hear him complain about them in front of the thousands of people watching this show. why worry? it's not like they're ever going to speak to me again anyway. he doesn't know how true that is. he hopes it isn't.

"no, you're right," he sighs again. "there is something on my mind. that call i just took? it was my parents. they're fine, i just..." he chokes down the urge to cry, speaking it aloud suddenly more difficult than he could imagine. "um, what are you doing on saturday? do you think you can help me move?" his voice stays a note lower, raspy in the way that betrays he's fighting back tears with all of his might. he hopes yuwol won't remark on it. he supposes he should just be happy that he has a friend here during this.

[beyuwol]

NGS2P3 — interview

back in front of the cameras on a more personal level for another interview, yuwol wonders what types of questions will be handed out to him this time around. he wouldn't be able to guess, but either way he'll be sporting his usual practiced smile. the one he'd often wear; carefully crafted.

how do you feel about your current ranking?

"it makes sense," yuwol says, polite and clearly holding no grudge. "my performance for the first mission isn't entirely the best, the other contestants easily shined brighter than me." he has accepted that, honestly even predicted it—he had a lot to work on after all. "but, i'm still optimistic about my chances. i'll try my best to climb up instead of falling down."

did you agree with the judges' comments about you?

his smile remains. "they made great points. they're right, too. i've known that there's a lot that i need to work on if i were to stay on the show. for this performance, i put my all into making it good along with my teammates." he doesn't exactly feel beat up, he's used to criticism but this somehow feels refreshing—like a wake up call, something for him to work towards and put his heart into. "so, yes... i agree with what the judges said, but i hope i can prove that i've worked on what they knew i lack with this performance."

how was working with your team?

"exciting, productive, definitely fruitful." it helps that one of his teammates is also his bandmate. "i think the concept we went for is unique, turning a more pop song into something chilly. everyone's so talented. i always knew yejun is a talented musician, so i'm glad he gets to showcase that with this performance too. but not just that, everything else as well. seira on the piano was great too, and practicing our choreography together had been fun. chaerin has been really helpful when it came to dancing though, she helped me... understand it." okay, that's a weird way to say it. "i should move along with the music, instead of just memorizing the moves." something like that, but it helped yuwol make everything make sense on that front.

what do you think about your performance? are you confident?

"i think we did something different. ambitious, yes, but i believe we pulled it off great." yuwol knows that they managed to show their strengths and their creativity. "we added a twist to the song, constructed a scarier flavour for the concept we were going for. leaned into a thrilling story, following a few pop culture media we thought of. i am confident, i know we performed with our best."

[beyuwol]

NGS2P3 — yuwol performs cake / line distribution

improvement isn't linear, yuwol thinks. but the judges have a point—now that he's technically hit rock bottom, there's nowhere else to go but up. so, that's what yuwol is going to focus on now.

yuwol isn't arrogant, the criticism that he's being handed didn't come from nowhere. they're right, plain and simple. but they've technically given him another chance, seeing as how he hadn't been eliminated yet ( then again, no one has been ). performing isn't anything new to yuwol, but the technical skills he needed to pull off his previous performance had been clearly lacking. this time around, they have more creative liberties. he'd look back at the previous season of next gen, realizing that remixing the songs they were assigned to is an option. they'd have to pick on an aesthetic and a concept to work with, so they had focus.

the first thing that came to mind when hearing the word cake was a favourite movie of his: happy death day. eventually that expanded into a more thrilling concept with a dash of horror and tension, which sounds interesting and different, especially with the song they were given. he thinks it could work, all they had to do is tweak with the instrumentals. yuwol contributed to the making of that remix, putting what he actually studies in university to use. he adds in a small classical twist to the song, with the help of his other creative teammates; he wouldn't have been able to do it without them. of course, the violin doesn't stray too far—he weaves it into the new remix, creating a more tense and spooky flavour to the song.

it's time to execute the concept they had in mind. they start off with instrumentals, showing off their strengths for a moment as an introduction, also to introduce whoever's watching to this newer take on a more pop-song. it starts off strong, a perfect opening to what's meant to be a chilling concept. seira with the piano, yejun with the guitar, yuwol with the violin, chaerin with an unsettling opening with vocals. and then, they all put down their instruments, starting the next phase of their performance.

yuwol put many hours into practicing. when it comes to the singing, he has it down pretty fast. since they're going for a more spooky take, he conveys that in the way he sings—leaving a vocal timbre and harmonizing with the added instrumentals into the music. he doesn't forget his expression—he keeps it calm and even, but also a bit unsettling; which isn't that hard, considering the dead eyes he is born with. it works in his favour, for once. but he doesn't forget to smile; not the beaming kind though, one that's more tense. he's used to practice smiles after all.

what he's worried about most is his dance; but he thinks he has improved significantly. of course, he can't judge himself no matter how critical he's being, but he takes chaerin's advice to heart—allowing the music to flow through him instead. it works, he feels the rhythm and the beat, move his limbs through the song. honestly, the stretching exercises helped too, he feels a lot less stiff than his previous performance. then again, it hasn't been that long, even if he's doing his best there might be something a critical judge's eye spots.

but... yuwol had really done his best. he doesn't know if he deserves it, but he'll take solace in that. he hopes all his efforts shine through.

[beyuwol]

yuwol is out of his depths; a fish out of water. that much is clear, he knows little about the idol world and despite having friends within the industry, he had never dived deeper than that. his parents would've forbidden it in the first place, finding the genre below them. yuwol doesn't agree, but he's also in no place to refute what they're eager to drill into his head. he supposes that's all in vain now though, seeing as how he has landed in an idol survival show.

sometimes, during rare moments of silence, he'd think about them—how they'd react when they found out, what steps they would take to punish yuwol for tarnishing the family name, whether they'd finally cut him off completely, if his sister would continue to pretend like he doesn't exist. his only saving grace is knowing that his parents wouldn't even be the slightest bit interested in watching next gen, they wouldn't touch the show with a ten-foot pole either. they would only find out that yuwol is a participant if someone had told them directly; and he hopes that hasn't happened yet. so far, nothing.

knowing this, yuwol continues practice like his days are numbered. they could be, he doesn't know when he'd be eliminated. judging from his current rank, he's standing on thin ice ( and if his parents knew, they'd scrutinize him for it too ). it doesn't help that he's holding his violin once more, a constant reminder of his family's influence; the only thing his parents would allow him to do—the only thing they say he's good at. maybe that's true, maybe that's why he's weaving it into his performance now.

but in his defense, the sound of the violin does fit the concept they're going for. something a bit more spooky and tense. he thinks adding an instrumental intro would be unique too. that's what yuwol has been rehearsing in the moment. he'd been working hard improving on the newer skills he needs, now he's just playing his violin—it keeps him... feeling. so he's more than glad to rehearse the instrumental bit later into the night alongside yejun—but the other boy seems... distracted, to say the least.

"it's okay," yuwol reassures, offering yejun a smile. it doesn't extend to his ears—it rarely does—but it's genuine. "too much practice isn't good either. should we take a break?" he suggests, setting down his violin. yuwol doesn't know how yejun perceives their friendship, whether yuwol has reached a stage in yejun's book that meant he could ask yejun what's wrong. but he supposes it's useless to ponder—he should just, ask.

"are you alright?" he starts, staying where he is in case yejun needed the space. "we've played music together before, and even though i'm more familiar with you playing the drums—i know you're skilled with the guitar too. it's not that you're fumbling your playing... but something seems to be on your mind."

why can't i just catch a break?

@beyuwol

"we saw you on television."

yejun knew better than to pick up the call from his father. he knew that there would be no good news waiting for him on the other side of the line. well, not good news for yejun. he could imagine, easily, his parents calling to report that his eldest brother had gotten engaged, or that the next one was accepted to some prestigious residency program or was intending to study abroad or something about their achievements. yejun had prayed that his parents would never turn on the television and see his face exactly where it didn't belong; not in a university classroom learning the ins and outs of economics but on a stage, singing and dancing, making a fool of himself in their eyes.

"i..." he has no excuse. his father knows this too. yejun counts his lucky stars that at least it's not his mother; she had always been the more passionate of his parents, she would certainly have screamed into his ear about what a huge mistake he's made.

"is this really what you want to do, yejun?" his father's tone sounds tired, resigned. maybe it would have been better to be met with anger on the other end of the line.

quiet falls between them for a moment before yejun finally responds: "yes, it is."

he hears a long sigh on the other end of the line. "your mother and i have agreed—" yejun knows what that really means; his mother has decided. "—that if this is the path you want to take, we can't continue to support you financially. you need to make your own way from now on."

"i understand." yejun's voice is hardly more than a whisper. he knew this was coming, that he'd find himself in this situation eventually. it still hurts just as much as the thought it would. he loves them after all, despite everything. he's never known anything but his family's love his entire life.

"you can pick up your things this weekend... your brothers and i will help pack your things for you."

yejun's heart cracks with a split so massive it's nearly audible. he takes a deep breath as he again confirms his understanding, promising his father what time he'll be by to pick everything up. it's a kindness in itself that his father and brothers aren't just dumping his stuff on the front lawn or locking it in a storage until for yejun to figure out what to do with, let alone how to pay for it. he knows this isn't what his father wants to do, but the women in his family have always been the ultimate authorities in these sorts of decisions.

he can't even mourn the loss of his home of twenty-something years. yejun can't hide in the bathroom forever; there's cameras and teammates and practice waiting for him just outside of these doors. he splashes his face with water in the sink, trying to cover up the redness in his eyes. it doesn't work, but he's forced to return to the practice room anyway. yejun just thanks his lucky stars that the film crews are packing up and it's only the mounted cameras in the corners of the room that may or may not pick up on his state right now.

"oh, yuwol," yejun finds himself grateful for a familiar face right now too. he may not be dead calm, but at least he's someone familiar. "can we run the instrumental bit one more time? i think we've got it down pretty good, so it should be quick."

they did have it down pretty good, yejun swears, but try as he might he can't seem to stop making mistakes. he feels bad already for the number of times he's had to ask yuwol for one more do-over. his mind's not in it, obviously; it's still living in the phone call from fifteen minutes ago, or trying to plan how he's going to move out of his childhood home in one weekend with no idea of where he's going to stay. he knows it's not fair to his team to be so distracted but he can't seem to snap himself out of it so easily.

"sorry," he apologizes for yet another mistake, "i'm just... not feeling well, i guess."

[beyuwol]

yuwol's experience in next gen has been... eventful, to say the least. having trainee friends within the idol industry, yuwol always wondered what it was like for them—their schedules, their days, their training regime; now he can say that he dabbled in the experience during his time on the show. it hasn't been easy though, that's clear after he'd heard the criticisms from the judges regarding his performance. he isn't surprised, he's entirely green when it comes to the idol world. to no one's surprise, yuwol is a fish out of water.

he does wonder how his friends go through it everyday, whether they're enjoying their trainee lives as well. it's ironic, being in the same building as a few of them but being unable to interact with anyone except those who have been assigned as this season's trainers. there's someone in particular that yuwol would catch from the corner of his eyes, pointedly avoiding him almost desperately. kou is acting like a flighty cat, closing his eyes whenever yuwol is within sight—even if there's a significance distance between them at all times. he can't lie, it's funny seeing kou shut his eyes most of the time. once, yuwol even let out a small laugh. did kou hear it?

but now, the day has ended. yuwol had stayed back a while, knowing he needed the extra hours of practice to catch up with everyone else. he's out of the building now though, somewhat tired but with enough energy to head over to one of the convenience stores nearby. he gets a text as he's walking, knowing exactly who it's from. he takes a quick glance at his screen and smiles; of course kou had arrived first. he shouldn't keep the other waiting too long.

it doesn't take long before yuwol finds the store, stepping in and politely greeting the staff by the register. he finds kou rather easily too in one of the aisles. "hey there, i'm sorry for keeping you waiting." he reaches out to ruffle kou's hair, as if he's saying hello to his housecat, apologizing for being out so long. "i was working on the choreography... it wasn't easy." yuwol has no intention of letting kou sit and listen to his grievances though.

"we can head back soon. but since we're here, is there something you want to get?" he hums, turning his head to look at the items in display. it might be good to get a snack or something. he never really prepared anything of the sort for his apartment, but now he has a frequent guest.

yuwol isn't proud of it, but kou is probably more familiar with the contents of his fridge than yuwol is. "do you think there's something we need? something we're running out of? like... food, or other stuff?"

walk you home

starter for @beyuwol

it's probably a good thing that kou isn't coaching for next gen. aside from probably being absolute shit at giving feedback ( what else can he say aside from "try harder" and "uh... that's okay..." ) — the fact that yuwol is a participant is enough reason for kou to well... not be the best person to be giving unbiased constructive criticism. because yuwol is amazing, and really, he can't do any sort of wrong to kou. if yuwol can't hit a note, it's because the note is too high, and if he struggles with keeping up with the dance, it's because the dance is too intricate.

still, the fact that yuwol is in the same building as him on most days and yet he can't interact with him because of the rules, has him dying inside. it's hard enough making eye contact with yuwol and being forced to go about his day like he hadn't just passed by his very reason to smile. kou has never been a good actor either, so he's sort of forced himself to close his eyes whenever he spots yuwol in the building. he probably looks a little silly, a grown man with his eyes tightly shut at the sight of someone else, all for the sake of trying to keep himself sane. but his feelings for yuwol overwhelm him, and he doesn't know what kind of face he'll make if he sees yuwol just walking around, and he's unable to even touch him.

the both of them have come up with some sort of compromise, though. since they can't interact at the axis building, they'll at the very least walk home together (home? yuwol's apartment? at this point, it was perhaps kou's second home in korea ). they've decided to meet at a convenience store not too far from the building, and on the way to yuwol's apartment.

he's left the axis building a little earlier than yuwol today, and finds himself at the store first. it's a little cold, but the seasons have begun to change and the once snowy pavement is now covered with petals — it's spring. it feels like spring in kou's heart too, the excitement in his chest at the very concept of spending time and heading back with yuwol drumming loud.

"i'm here ( =＾ω＾)", he sends the message to yuwol and smiles. it still feels a little surreal, everything does. thoughts of yuwol begin to fill his mind (though it's never really stopped) and what they might get up to when they're back at yuwol's apartment. should kou suggest watching a movie? would that be a good excuse to cuddle? or maybe yuwol would be feeling a little exhausted after practicing, and kou could help him out by making him something to eat. he feels giddy, hands in pocket as he waits patiently for yuwol, like a cat waiting for its owner to return.

[beyuwol]

it's comforting to know that even those who had experience in next gen, and those who successfully became trainees in the process, have gotten similar comments to what yuwol was given this time around. technically, he might've hit rock bottom, but it's true what they say—there's nowhere else to go but up. it's a hard climb to make though.

"i guess executing a choreography and performing it are two entirely different things," he muses, mostly to himself. that makes sense. during the first mission, yuwol had focused more on getting the choreography right rather than actually having it be a part of his overall performance. he'd never danced to perform before, he thought it would've been more important to sear each step into his mind beforehand. but maybe that was far from enough ( clearly, seeing the results of that performance now and looking back ).

yuwol hums, thinking. "it's the first time i had to dance like that for a performance, i thought of nothing but memorizing the moves. maybe that's why it felt awkward." it's not that he's finding excuses for himself, more so rationalizing the situation in his head so that he could improve for next time. finding out what he did wrong back then to do better in the near future. "it's like i was borrowing someone else's performance; a carbon copy. instead of making it my performance." he wonders if that makes sense.

"i understand what you mean. i have to feel the beat, the rhythm, the sound... and move accordingly, let the music take me." yuwol nods, forming the pieces in his mind. "i'm used to letting the music flow out of me instead of through me, so that's where i struggled. thank you." he believes this revelation will help him moving forward. the more practice the better too.

he can't help but smile a little at the next suggestion though. "the stretching exercises would help too. it'd do good to be more flexible," he replies. "wouldn't want to hold the team back because i started cramping on stage." that... was an attempt at a joke. but the notion is honestly terrifying, possibly worst-case-scenario worthy.

discussing the direction of the song and how they wanted to change it up was probably the least difficult part of this mission so far. everybody had pitched in ideas and participated in filling up the instrumental of the song with their respective instruments. the sound had become a lot fuller, and she was satisfied with the end result.

however, chaerin soon realized that the biggest struggle with her group would be actually performing the song. this wasn't her calling her groups unskilled or anything, but she could tell that they all struggled with one thing or another. but that was okay. that was the whole reason she was there to perform alongside with them, and she knew with all their hard work, they'd be able to pull off a stellar performance.

it's why she promised herself to stay behind as late as possible to guide them through the song. "no, i understand what you're talking about," she says before giving yuwol a soft pat on the back. "one of the first critiques i heard after becoming a trainee was that i could execute the choreography given to me, but i couldn't perform it." chaerin thinks back to one of the first special evaluations she had gone through and how the trainers commented that she looked like she was just performing a memorized dance. back then, that was quite true but after all this time at lime, chaerin likes to think she's become a true performer, and she was ready to help yuwol learn how to do so as well.

when yuwol apologizes, chaerin quickly shakes her head to assure him that it was fine. "that's my whole role here. please don't apologize." with that, she purses her lips together, thinking about how to help him out. "well, when you play the violin, you don't only focus on the notes, do you?" while she's never performed as professionally as yuwol as, chaerin can't help but imagine that most musical performances are pretty similar.

"you need to be able to feel the song and move to the groove instead of having the groove move you. does that make sense?" letting out a hum, she wondered if she made it too difficult to understand. "if you're talking about like actual stiffness, we can also just do some more stretching exercises tomorrow," she explains with a soft chuckle.

[beyuwol]

“alright, then. jinx,” yuwol replies, thinking it funny. “i’m pretty sure i’m okay, that loud thump is probably just our joined fall happening at the same time.” on that note, he probably shouldn’t stay on the ground for too long. so, yuwol stands back up, stretching a little bit afterwards to make sure he didn’t pull anything that’ll be detrimental moving forward during the show. that doesn’t seem to be the case, everything is in working order. if the cameras catch that maybe it’ll be a funny occurrence for the people at home to laugh over. or they’d think he’s not being serious enough—he thinks he was, enough that he fell. maybe he’s starting to overthink this again.

“we probably should,” yuwol agrees with a nod. “do you need a hand?” he asks, turning to seira once more with a practiced smile. he stretches out his hand, holding it out so that seira can take it and help herself up. “i guess we could take a quick break here. it’s getting… really late.” he takes a glance at the clock from the corner of his eyes. oh, yeah. definitely late.

beyuwol

it's another one of those later nights, where yuwol dedicated a significant portion of his day to improve on his dance. it's no secret that he's lacking, it's basically pointed out ot him outright. he appreciates it though, and honestly he's used to harsher critical comments. it's not that yuwol doesn't care about them, because he does and he wants to do better—he just knows how to accept it in a way that makes it hurt less. all he can do is practice and rehearse until he gets better, so that's what he's doing now along with seira. yuwol isn't the type to sleep early in the first place, used to being kept up by his own thoughts. in a way, this helps—moving his body, keeping up with a choreography. this time he has to feel the music throughout his entire body, physically, instead of with his hands only. maybe they've been practicing for too long though, because suddenly a step catches yuwol off guard and he finds himself on the floor, falling on his backside. there's another thud, one that definitely didn't come from him. looks like seira followed suit—no, judging from that timing, she probably fell when he did. somehow, that makes yuwol laugh a bit. "should i be saying jinx?" he asks, remaining on the floor a while to take a second and breathe. "are you okay?" he finally says, because that's important. a fall can be dangerous, and in their case what with their circumstances, concerning.

seira is happy with the other’s reaction, that he’s not scolding her for falling, then again, difficult to scold someone for doing something that you did at the exact same time. seira had always been clumsy when it comes to dance, even though she started her trainee days around seven years ago and she’d been an idol for four years, dance had never been her friend. she wasn’t quick to learn dances, and sometimes they’d look weird even though she thought she had learned it, and she was often clumsy, falling on her butt was not uncommon for her when it came to dancing.

“should definitely be saying jinx” she gives a nod. “i think i’m fine, my butt hurts a bit but that’ll probably end in a bit, and you, are you fine? it sounded like a loud thump, but that might just be because we fell at the same time” she shrugs. “we should drink some water, it’s been a long day”.

[beyuwol]

it's another one of those later nights, where yuwol dedicated a significant portion of his day to improve on his dance. it's no secret that he's lacking, it's basically pointed out ot him outright. he appreciates it though, and honestly he's used to harsher critical comments. it's not that yuwol doesn't care about them, because he does and he wants to do better—he just knows how to accept it in a way that makes it hurt less.

all he can do is practice and rehearse until he gets better, so that's what he's doing now along with seira. yuwol isn't the type to sleep early in the first place, used to being kept up by his own thoughts. in a way, this helps—moving his body, keeping up with a choreography. this time he has to feel the music throughout his entire body, physically, instead of with his hands only. maybe they've been practicing for too long though, because suddenly a step catches yuwol off guard and he finds himself on the floor, falling on his backside.

there's another thud, one that definitely didn't come from him. looks like seira followed suit—no, judging from that timing, she probably fell when he did. somehow, that makes yuwol laugh a bit. "should i be saying jinx?" he asks, remaining on the floor a while to take a second and breathe.

"are you okay?" he finally says, because that's important. a fall can be dangerous, and in their case what with their circumstances, concerning.

synchronous

moving up five ranks felt amazing, but also pressuresome. seira had liked being in the middle, avoiding the pressure from being in the top, and avoiding the pressure from being in the bottom. but truthfully it felt kinda nice, like her hard work was awarded, gave her a feeling she deserved to be here. but then again, rankings don't tell you much, you can be within the top five and be eliminated, you can be in the bottom and then suddenly in the top. she gave her all for the last performance, but she has to give even more, she refuses to be eliminated in the first round.

seira has always only performed cute songs, but it’s nice to do something new. seira hadn’t really listened to cake before, but now the song was on repeat, she knew every word, even the ones that weren’t her lines. seira wasn’t the best dancer, but it felt like if she wanted to stay in the competition then she had to dance.

she’s next to yuwol practicing, both of them are quiet, and then BAM! seira falls on her butt, and in the corner of her she spots yuwol falling too, “woah, we’re so in sync” she says before letting out a quick laugh.

sending it to... @beyuwol

[beyuwol]

better.

clearly, there's a lot that yuwol needs to improve on. it's not exactly a shocking revelation that yuwol had come to, he knew that he signed up for the show with a lack of knowledge. the judges pointed them all out, and he had no intention of disagreeing. sure, he knows musical composition and can play a few instruments—but that has nothing to do with being an idol trainee, which is the goal of this entire competition.

but he'd like to make contributions with the things he knows he can do, first and foremost. maybe it's a good thing he watches campy horror movies after all, because he mentioned a movie that could be meshed into a concept ( which was happy death day, a movie that he genuinely did like ). the emptier parts of the song are filled with an instrumental background, which is where he mixed in the violin, among other things. but remixing the song and brainstorming the stage's storyline won't do much if he struggles performing it.

so, let's start with one of those skills he needs to get good on in a short amount of time: dance. yuwol doesn't miss the fact that the other members of his team aren't exactly dancers, and yuwol can't help but wonder if that was on purpose. they'll have to pull the weight though, which yuwol doesn't mind. he feels kind of bad for @bechaerin, seeing as how she has her work cut out for her when it comes to helping them out with the choreography.

"i don't know whether you've heard this question as often, but… how do you come off as not stiff?" there wasn't any better way he could think of to phrase the question. "i'm not a stranger to performing, but i'm usually just moving my arms." and he demonstrates for a moment, like there's an imaginary violin in his arms. "but that's obviously not what i should be doing now."

he won't lie, it's not easy at all. "sorry for keeping you so late," yuwol apologises, knowing that he's somewhat responsible for making chaerin stay behind at such an ungodly hour. "i wouldn't be able to figure it out alone."

[beyuwol]

at this point, even speaking to hyejin is yuwol's attempt at pivoting away from conversation with other people he'd find marginally more taxing to speak to. it's not a cure-all solution though, especially not when he can feel the stares of other people on them right now, possibly concocting something new to gossip about. it's not that yuwol wants to expect the worst out of people on a daily basis, but the people his parents force him to meet haven't really earned his good side. at least he isn't saying any of this out loud—if he did, his parents would have his head. he doesn't like being perpetually bitter either, so the mask of his smile remains persistent. fake it until you make it.

he does laugh, practiced and somewhat poised, not as freeing as it could be. "i can't eat anything more myself." yuwol was never one to have a big appetite—on the contrary, he'd forget to eat during most days. "the food is good, but... the company we're surrounded with is a little questionable," he says under a whisper, knowing that it wouldn't bode well for him if someone else other than hyejin heard what he said. it felt like something he needed to say though, an admittance of sorts. something he wouldn't be able to get away with had he been within the vicinity of his parents.

yuwol takes a peek out the window, into the garden—it does seem a lot less suffocating out there, and it's not like they'd be leaving the party. they're just coming up for fresh air, which is fairly normal. maybe they could have the excuse that their outfits need fixing, or they wanted to air-dry something of theirs. either way, there shouldn't be too many questions. he takes a glance where his parents are—busy, showboating as usual. they wouldn't mind if yuwol took a few minutes out.

"no one we know is at the door," yuwol informs hyejin, like it's a subtle invitation. "i think we'd be safe if we stepped out for a bit now." yuwol knows they both need it at this point, their social battery is turning to the negatives, and they're running out of backup power too. as much as he enjoys talking to hyejin, he'd prefer if he could speak to her without the clawing presence of socialites trying to climb towards a higher social status.

"should we make a break for it now?" he asks, seriously considering his own offer. "we aren't exactly leaving, only seeing how cold the night is. maybe greet the moon for a little bit." scrambling for reasons, really. not that hyejin needed any, she seems about as ready as yuwol is to bolt. if they were given the opportunity to simply up and leave, they would've taken it in a heartbeat. he's glad he has that in common with the other.

"surely they wouldn't mind," yuwol summarizes. no need for any more convincing; he takes his first step before looking back at hyejin. he doesn't intend to leave her behind. "let's go?"

this was hyejin's life ever since she can remember. her sister was dealing with the same thing and she could only wonder if she felt the same way she did about being surrounded by people who took this chance just to flaunt to others. it was odd and she didn't start thinking it was until she had gotten older. not that she said anything, just did want she was told and mingled with anyone who wanted to talk to her. it seemed to come easy and she could mask the emotion she felt that would give away she didn't want to be here at all. her mother didn't need to now that information.

helping yuwol with all of this was something hyejin didn't mind. she appreciated getting to spend time with the other plus it got her away from the same talk of careers and charities she just started hearing about. she knows it's a lot being in a social situation and even being a social butterfly, her social battery was starting to deplet. she wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but here at the moment. even a bit of fresh air would have been helpful. the constant murmuring of voices wasn't appealing anymore and she just wants to be somewhere quieter.

she knows that she won't get to just be on the sidelines for long but she appreciates getting to talk to yuwol even for a bit. it helps her social battery recharge instead of the constant amount of people approaching her to talk about her modeling career that she was starting to dread. if her mother found her, she'd be put back into the crowd that didn't seem to disapate at all.

"yes, feel others have been thinking i've wanted food but it's a way to pass time." it was a way to say she was taking a break without out right saying it. she didn't want to offend anyone. she doesn't understand if anyone else could deal with this at all if their parents didn't push for their kids be apart of all this. it definitely wasn't something she wished on anyone else. she understand how yuwol feels and can hear the complaint that he knows others would question if they spoke any louder. she didn't need to be scolded for being rude.

thinking carefully, she gazes toward the all the nicely dress people still gathered around different areas of the place. "doesn't seem like their are stopping. makes me wonder how much they can flaunt before they get tired of it." she whispers back, letting herself roll her eyes to show her feelings about all this. she knew her mother would stay as long as she could while dragging her father alongside her.

"doesn't it? maybe we can get a bit of fresh air, they wouldn't mind right?" she asks, since they wouldn't be leaving and still be right outside the building. their parents couldn't be mad about that.