Last Seen Blogs
Text
First contact.
Over the last few years I've limited my interactions with people other than my direct family members. I don’t know what to say, this blog is going to serve me as a purging medium as I don’t share much and I find it's beginning to eat me up.
I reached out to a counsellor today online to see if we could connect to talk because I think that's what I need. anyway, I had to write a brief description along with my name and email. Long story short, I’m not a good story teller, the email bounced back-website error, so no email sent, no connection.
This is what I wrote,
I go in out out of these dark periods in my life, 20+ years now. I'm sure the description and all the little nuances are familiar to you as the are me but no matter how I try rationalize my feelings I still can't find acceptance and happiness, these are all thought patterns I've developed, recognized and have failed to change. I hate myself no matter how talented and smart I am, I am lonely though I have a loving family, wife and two kids. I have alienated myself from the world other than the necessary interactions of daily life in my house. I quit drinking, quit smoking, I have no friends, no life but Im sure if you ask people that know me they'll testify that I have friends and that I'm very friendly. Recently I have stopped taking my meds (since may 2019) and have been okay till about December. I have been on a quest to figure out who I am, what I am and where I belong, reading spiritual theories and watching YouTube videos that make me now question my own existence and grasp of reality, Ive done a real number on myself. Lately emotions have began to surface as I no longer take SSRI's and I don't know how to identify how I feel and feel overwhelmed.
I’m so lost
1 note
·
View note