while I do agree with the sentiment of "ask yourself why you don't want to call yourself bisexual" I think some of YALL need to ask yourselves AND bi women why they don't want to call themselves bisexual, because some of yall literally can't fathom why a bi woman wouldn't want to be bi
being a lesbian obviously isnt easier than being bi, but being bi isn't easier than being a lesbian either, and its a fact that within wlw circles being a lesbian is still considered superior than being bisexual, and often being a wlw is still considered synonymous with being a lesbian: lesbian love, lesbian couple, lesbian relationship, lesbian wedding, etc.
bi women talk about their experience of being rejected simply for being bisexual, of people doubting their commitment to lgbt liberation and feminism because they're still attracted to men, of constantly having to hear everyone complain about how annoying and toxic and awful we are, but y'all think it's as simple as saying "its okay to be bi I promise lol" like they're gonna be like "oh yeah sorry I totally didn't think of it that way, I love myself and my bisexuality now."
it's shocking the lack of compassion some of you have for bi women. if a bi woman calls herself a lesbian instead of bi just because its easier to date women that way yalls first thought isn't "wow she must have a lot of internalized biphobia to reach a point where she thinks she might as well just call herself a lesbian if she wants to be in relationships with women", its "oh my god this horrible nonlesbian she's totally leading lesbians on by not calling herself bi, that's so toxic and evil, she's going to try to lead her into a threesome with a man"
and as much as I hate "bi lesbian" being a thing I really don't think y'all are aware of why a bi woman would think being bi is not enough, so like maybe think for a second instead of immediately jumping to the conclusion that it's because all these people are selfish infiltrators who think lesbian should just mean wlw again (which.....I mean again that's something that's definitely supported by the language that's often used so maybe we should think about that too)
so like do me a favor and do a LITTLE more for us than "bi/lesbian solidarity!! it's okay to be bi!!" like actually do the work and show unconditional love and support for bi women, shut down biphobia and deplatform unapologetic biphobes, don't immediately discount a bi woman as a romantic partner just because she's bi, show compassion for bi women with internalized biphobia that's hurting themselves, make room for bisexuals in your spaces and stop equating being a wlw to being a lesbian, and then maybe you will start seeing bi women who embrace being bisexual.
manwoman flag 4 when youâre a man+a woman at the same time :] the thin pink+blue stripes on the outside represent societyâs narrow idea of man+woman as opposite/conflicting roles, the gradient into green+orange represent man+woman as complimentary gender experiences, and the thin yellow stripe on the inside represents the unity between them/experiencing both of them at once
this flagâs 4 any multigender person (be it bigender, genderfluid, etc) who experiences being both a man+a woman ^_^
I've been on testosterone for 3 years, and frequently people have made comments about how it must be hard because now I can never have children. And for a long time, I would say that yes, it is hard to know that, because my sole regret about going on testosterone was how I'd never be able to get pregnant (as my doctor told me). But now I know that's not true-- transgender men, including those who have been on testosterone for many years, are capable of having healthy, happy babies. I see many posts on here talking about how testosterone should not be used as a contraceptive (true!) and resources for seeking an abortion when you're transmasculine, but I don't see anyone encouraging or providing information to those who may have medically transitioned but still want to pursue pregnancy.
Here is a Guide to Transmasculine Fertility, complete with several "lesson" sections on various topics such as assisted reproduction options and aging fertility rates, written by verified physicians and Trystan Reese, a transgender man who has pregnancy experience. This is an excellent and thorough resource, and not the only article that the site has on transgender pregnancy and parenting. In my opinion, this is the best resource on the list, so it's first.
Here are personal accounts of transmasculine pregnancies from Evan Hempel, Jason Barker, Thomas Beatie, Trevor MacDonald, and there are so, so many more just a Google search away.
Here is a Heathline article that discusses the issue of social stigma around transmasculine pregnancies, and how to combat it.
Here is a (short) NYT article about a reproductive endocrinologist's (supportive) perspective on transgender pregnancies.
Here is a list of resources that covers much of the above, and more.
Many of us are told when we begin testosterone that it can impact fertility, destroy our reproductive organs, etc. and not only is that blatantly untrue, but it's wildly harmful to those of us who want to be pregnant. We deserve this information, we deserve to know our options, we deserve to decide for ourselves what we want to do with our bodies. Yes, transgender men who want to be pregnant are certainly in the minority. But too many of us think we're infertile or are told that we are by doctors who don't know enough about transgender healthcare, leading to irreversible decisions that do render us infertile (such as hysterectomies). While this is aimed at transgender men, it is also worth mentioning that this applies to anyone and everyone who engages in HRT, mastectomy, etc. including nonbinary people, butches, genderfluid people and so on.
If you are a transmasculine individual who wants to explore your options for pregnancy, I hope this helped inform you. If you're not interested in pregnancy, please at least pass this information along, because I'm fucking tired of the incompetency surrounding trans healthcare. Knowledge is power, and it's knowledge like this that allows for self-advocacy, empowerment, and happier lives.
one day some of you will actually go outside and go to pride and youâre going to meet old black queens who refers to themselves as femme, youâll meet people from small towns who still use the word transsexual, youâll see that your local activist organization set up a stall about your local LGBT history that includes leather barâs history, youâll see lesbians in groups refer to themselves as âguysâ and âboysâ, youâll see someone with breasts and pasties and little else have âhe / himâ painted on his chest, and youâll be so caught up with your terminally online attitude that instead of appreciating the wide diversity of people who exist in the LGBT community who are brave enough to share themselves youâll just be formulating posts and tweets in your head for when get home about how âproblematicâ it all was and itâs honestly tragic
I know this is vague but do you have any tips on being more confident? I'm a masc lesbian and I wanna be tough and butch but every time someone criticizes me I feel like crying lmao
absolutely! there are a few things that i remind myself when i want to feel confident:
1. you have a right to take up space. youâre living in the same world as everyone else, and theyâve got no right to make you feel like you donât belong where you are. whether this is standing in line, waiting for the public restroom, speaking up for yourself, holding hands with someone, etc. root your feet to the fucking floor, donât let people move you from where you *deserve* to be.
2. there is no amount of changing yourself thatâs going to appease people who âdisapproveâ of you. this sounds kind of counterintuitive, but trust me, this mindset gets me through the day. if you start altering your appearance, mannerisms, the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, until people decide youâre being âfeminineâ enough, itâll never stop. thereâs always going to be someone who thinks they know best for you, and that the way youâre living is wrong. changing yourself to ease this discomfort is a *complete* waste of your time. gd knows theyâre not changing shit for you. every transgressive piece of your appearance, your mannerisms, is something you owe yourself.
3. you canât control how people see you, just like they canât control how you think about them. if youâre masc, some people might call you sir, some people might think things that are untrue of you. we live in a society. let go of the feeling that you need to be in charge of how youâre seen. youâve got more important shit to do. i mean, sure, stick up for yourself if you want to, but youâre not responsible for other people.
4. it is ABSOLUTELY okay to feel like youâre not confident. this is the whole âfake it till you make itâ bit; thereâs nothing wrong with being scared of an interaction, being anxious, feeling like crying. thatâs okay! feelings are okay. good, even. but donât let that undermine you. in my life, at the times where i *looked* the most confident, i was pretty nervous under the surface. thatâs totally okay. just keep moving forward and trying. talk like you belong, say the things you need to. so, SO many people are doing the exact same thing every day, i promise.
5. tough guys use the buddy system! being tough is cool and all, but thereâs nothing wrong with having a friend come with you to things. your community is what makes you strong. you donât have to go it alone, thatâs just not how weâre built as people. you never have to go into situations that make you feel unsafe just to prove youâre tough, especially alone.
6. being you is enough. hell, being you just might change someone elseâs life for the better. remember that being you is something worth being confident about in and of itself. you donât have to be some idealized, 'more butch/mascâ version of yourself to owe yourself confidence.
Oh btw black and other lesbians of color have had terfs' numbers wrt the racism and white supremacy inherent in their premise since at least the 70's. Like they have been speaking on this for upwards of 50 years.
This part is speaking about the 70s, and this book was published in 1991 (Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America is the title).
Aya [Brown]âs scenic depictions beam with ghetto nuance and seduction. Her work is intersectionalâshe takes artifacts from Black and queer culture and fuses them, putting a face to the often unseen. Ayaâs art suggests that lowbrow is the latest highbrow response to boring straight white male culture. Her style draws upon figures both living and deceased, from Missy Elliott to Toni Morrison. Itâs nasty foreplay and sensual love. Itâs Black Lesbian pride. âIt is one of my biggest missions in life to document my own history, BLACK LESBIAN history,â she tells office. âThis is not a game of telephone. I donât want a little Black girl to learn about us, from anyone but us.â
okay yâall its pride month, time to expose yourself to what some actual trans/nonbinary biâs have to say about bisexuality
written essays by @mediumkravitzââ
revisiting âbothâ definitions of bisexual
why attraction to nonbinary people doesnt make you bi or pan
why the bi in bisexual doesnt mean two genders
why bi and pan are the same
the myth of bisexual/straight passing privilege
the bisexual history they dont want you to know
why bisexuality is not transphobic
on reclaiming âbisexualâ
why bisexuality is inherently nonbinary
video essays by @verilybitchieââ Â Â
on ârampant transphobiaâ in the bisexual communityâs history
bi vs pan as labels
why we hate bi women
why we hate bi men
the compet masterdoc and bisexuality + comphet vs compulsory heterosexuality
the history of the word bisexual
the bi-cycle
posts on tumblr by various trans/nb bisexuals
another explanation of why bi and pan are the same
on the dismissal of bisexual suffering in the community
bi/trans solidarity from 1993
statistics on the effects of biphobia
more on bi vs pan as labels, and another and another
on peoples reactions to bi women abused by men
on biphobia and separatist ideologies in wlw communities (i wrote this!)
on âsluttyâ âbadâ bisexual women
scapegoating of bisexual men during the aids epidemic
statistics on sexual violence against bi women
on the reclamation of slurs by bisexuals
the negative perception of femmes as bi womenÂ
on defining bisexuality as âtwo or moreâ and another one
on choosing sexuality based on what âfeels rightâ
on how âsexuality isnt a choiceâ manifests biphobia
why erasure of bi mens struggles is harmful
on bi people âhaving it easierâ than gay people
in general just go through the #bi tag on @bifeyââ and @biexboyfriendâââs blogs as well as posts from @mediumkravitzââ and @verilybitchieââ whose essays were included above, feel free to add on if you feel you see anything else relevant from trans/nb bisexuals specifically
im not interested in hearing about how you didnt bother reading anything/taking anything in bad faith based on whatever.Â
and remember!
[ID: a banner that reads "this post is about bisexuals do not derail" on a background that fades from pink to purple to blue. /end ID]
yes yes bisexuals in m/f relationships are âvalidâ but are you truly internalizing that the individuals in these relationships do not have the privilege people believe them to have and that they are essential to both the bisexual community and the lgbt community and furthermore there is nothing wrong with them having platforms or leadership in their communities or them being the center of a conversation. are you even acknowledging the diversity they possess?
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