bi-robins-club - Tumblr blog

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they’re canceling me for the way I deal with grief. Also for all the severed heads and the bombings and the racketeering and the

[bi-robins-club]

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

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Jason being a "tall" guy even in the universes where he didn't get dunked in the pit, the difference is that a Jason who got Lazarus's skin care treatment is usually 6'6, the versions of him who don't are usually 5'6 to 6'0.

Batman, who accidentally entered a alternate dimension, seeing a version of Jason who's not towering over him and not as large as a Kardashian's fridge: You're not my baby.

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I'm golden-child!Jason and not-even-a-silver-egg!Dick truther for life, and that's so funny.

Bruce is used to the chaos he calls his son, so when Jason actually behave, Bruce is soooo confused.

Like, what do you mean Bruce can tell him to not do something and Jason will??? Obey??? The order??? Dick would never.

Bruce, fully prepared for scandal: You are not allowed to jump from one wardrobe to another, it's dangerous for you.

Little Jason, who has no idea why he should: Ok? I wasn't planning to anyway.

Confused Bruce: You wasn't?

Little Jason who are scared to touch anything here, because it probably costs more than his life: I don't want to ruin the mansion...

More Confused Bruce: You don't?!

Or 

Bruce: so, you are saying that if I tell you to sit in your room and read books, you will really sit in your room and read books?

Little Jason, who has no idea why he shouldn't: Yeah?

Bruce, whispering to Alfred: I didn't know they could do that.

[bi-robins-club]

ROBIN3／ROBIN4

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Tim: I could fix Batman

Jason: No, I could fix Batman. But then I fucking died and accidentally made him worse instead

Jason: But when I come back and try to make him worse on PURPOSE, suddenly he won't do it!

Tim, deadly serious: I would've killed The Joker for you

Jason: Aw, thanks Tim

Tim:

Tim, whispering: I could fix Red Hood...

Jason: Stop it

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Jason (Age 12): I’m not gonna die from inhaling cigarette smoke, quit worrying, B.

Jason (Age 15): *dies from smoke inhalation*

Jason (Age 19): Well, it wasn’t the cigarettes.

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Reporter: Tell us Bruce, why have you recently decided to work out more? Do you just want to compete with our Clark? Or is it-

Bruce: My kids.

Reporter: I’m sorry what?

Bruce: I work out so I can still lift them.

Reporter: …

Bruce: if you have nothing else to ask I’m going to leave now. Let’s go Jaylad.

Bruce just picks up Jason and leaves.

Jason looks like a large dog that clearly isn’t used to being in the air.

Like this.

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Everyone thinks that dick was the golden child when in reality it was Jason.

Clark: Bruce who was your favourite robin?

Dick: obviously it’s me?

Tim: it’s dick

Damian: I am superior robin, it will be me.

Bruce: it’s Jason

Everyone: WHAT?!?!???

Bruce: why are you so surprised? He didn’t jump on too my chandeliers which I had to replace each week

*everyone looks at dick*

Bruce: he didn’t drop out of school

*everyone looks at tim*

Bruce: I didn’t have to stop him from killing everyone who annoyed him

*everyone looks at Damian*

Bruce: in fact, he enjoyed school and handed all his homework in on time, we would spend hours in the library reading his favourite classics. He even helped Alfred with most of the cooking, He was my little boy

Jason: stop spreading lies, I hate you go away

Bruce: my precious little boy

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Bruce has such insane “I love you and want to give you the world but I’m just going to sit here and stare at you until you think something is wrong” dad energy

Jason: oh my god…he’s totally mad about something

Bruce, thinking hard about when Jason was short: baby

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A quick guide to translating Bruce’s grunting (by Jason):

Singular grunt = hello/good morning/general acknowledgement of your existence 

Low, soft grunt = thinking/doing math mentally/too busy to acknowledge whatever you just said

Snort = I find whatever you just said amusing but I’m too manly to laugh

Grumpy morning grunt (generally made at doorway of kitchen) = I need coffee

Quiet hmm noise = someone messed up and this benefits me

Slightly louder hmm noise = I messed up and this definitely does not benefit me

Sharp exhale through nose = I’m injured but trying to hide it

Soft, extended exhale through nose = why do I have kids again

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For some of the many many many many many requests for Roy that keep piling up in my inbox.

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some self indulgent stuff after my midterms🥹

[bi-robins-club]

comics are wrong jason and rose are not dating and have never been interested in each other but they get married for tax evasion purposes and sometimes pretend they’re dating when given the chance to piss off their fathers

[bi-robins-club]

under the red hood au where everything is the same except jason wears this crop top when he reveals his identity to bruce.

also here is a red version:

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‼️GET HIS ASS‼️

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Dick: You're Bruce's favorite, you know that, right?

Jason: I am LITERALLY not, but okay.

Dick: Yeah? Call him a bitch right now.

Jason: Wha- I don't, - I don't feel like it

Dick: Chicken?

Jason: I- Fine. Hey, B! In case you forgot, you're a bitch!

Bruce, reading the newspaper, only glaring a little bit: Hn.

Dick: Okay. Hey, B? You're kind of a jerk.

Bruce, immediately standing up: What did you say, Richard John Grayson?!