bigcheeksandabigheart - Tumblr blog

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

thanks for still sticking with me after everything, despite my short-comings and being a hugE pain in the ass sometimes, y’know. but thanks for falling for me anyway u v u. 

thanks for trying as best as you can to hang out, for your sleepless nights. 

and you might not be aware, although i always seem so paranoid, thank you for actually pushing and ultimately making me stronger. i f e e l stronger anyway. stronger than who i was when i joined bbt. like i KNOw, i know, i worry so much. only because i’m honestly not sure if i deserve you and to have lasted this long - it’s amazing and it makes me super  nervous. in a good way! i just mean nervous because my heart starts racing when i think about it.

thank you so much. 

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

PART 1/2

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

PART 2/2

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

waiter: what are we having this morning?

jinri: I DESIRE TO FEAST ON THE UNBORN.

jay: ...eggs. she wants eggs.

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

jay: hi ugly

jinri: i would die for you

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

hey, you.

the plan was to vent. and i wrote a whole three paragraphs last night. but. no. i think it's pointless. i just need to be patient.

on a side note: i'm scared and i love you. no one could ever come above you. you're my love of a lifetime and i know that's cheesy SHUT UP. but. you just are. okay. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, YOU WHOLESOME ASS. you're the love of my life.

and i truly don't deserve you. but keep hydrated and hug me more.

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

why?

okay i still suck at naming things dON’T MIND THE TITLE.  and uh! i didn’t proofread ok? ok. esketit.

“doc, teach me how to suck dick.”

it’s been approximately seven and a half months since that eventful therapy session. neither of them would have guessed that it’d be their last. after jay’s abrupt confession, jinri stammered to get an appropriate reply out, for at that moment her mind was consumed with processing what she’d just heard. nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that she hadn’t replied at all, but when she looks back, she wishes she hadn’t.

with a tighter grip on the door handle and a face beet red to the tips of her ears, jinri insisted, “w-well, you better stop it then!” the door flung open, allowing for the small girl to rush out, a hand clutched firmly at her chest.  his confession echoed far too loudly for her to hear the doctor cry out: ‘i can’t!’

hours later, in the seclusion of her room, jinri tossed and turned on her bed. as much as she wanted to get a good night’s sleep, she couldn’t, for the first thing she’d see when her eyes closed was jay. jay grinning unapologetically like he’d expect her to be totally fine when he said: ‘i probably have a crush on you’.

‘he probably has a crush on me? probably?! what the hell does probably mean?”

jinri groaned into her pillow for the nth time that night before suddenly sitting up.  her hair was properly dishevelled, falling and sticking out in every which direction; somewhat an accurate representation of how she felt on the inside. she reached for her phone on the night stand.’23:15’ the screen glowed. jinri pressed her lips into a thin line as she deliberated whether what she was about to do was worth it. she weighed the pros and the cons. pondered what she’d get out of it – what he’d get out of it. well, that’s what she made herself believe. when really, jinri was thinking through what she’d say and how she’d say it, and more importantly: keep cool and act natural.

‘natural, my ass. i’m pretty sure this is illegal – fuck. it’s ringing!’

the blonde held her breath, afraid that she’d be breathing too loudly when he’d pick up the phone. which was the worst-case scenario. best case scenario would be that he’s sound asleep and she’s rendered to leave a voice mail. better case scenario? she falls asleep from waiting and doesn’t get to embarrass herself more than she already had today. but it didn’t take a fortune teller to see that sleep wasn’t part of her next few hours unless she let it all out. her eyes fell closed as she mentally rehearsed what she’d say. yes, this did involve reciprocating his feelings – probably reciprocating his feelings. it was no lie that jay was an attractive man, jinri has found herself admit to this many a times. regardless, this attraction was usually redirected. meaning she’d always thought that his future partner would be lucky to have him, but she’s never considered herself as a candidate. it was fifty percent since he was her therapist and the other fifty was because she had a mild case of erotophobia while he always seemed to exude sex appeal. that day, it seemed that they had forgotten both.

the ringing stopped.

so, did jinri’s heart. even if it was just for a mere second.

her lips parted with the word ‘look’ sitting ready in the back of her throat. but jay wasn’t about to let his thirty minutes of preparation go to waste, even if it did cost jinri her thirty minutes of flopping around in the sheets.

“newton’s first law of motion.” jay’s voice crackled in the night’s silence.

his client blinked and fisted the material of her slip. “e-excuse me?”

“newton’s first law of motion,” he repeated, “the law of inertia. an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” jinri rattled her brain to try and comprehend why in the hell jay was talking about science. and jay could only smile at the silence he was met with because he was more than glad to elaborate. “you told me to stop. i can’t”

“…you’re such a fucking nerd.”

surely enough jinri was the unbalanced force that stopped jay’s crush. while also being the instigator of his now much deeper feelings.

and that’s why jinri’s chin rested upon the older man’s knee. her baby blue eyes, stared eagerly and hopefully back at his brown pair. even if he did gaze back in slight panic. jay’s tongue peeked out briefly to wet his lips while his hand blindly grasped the remote to turn off the t.v. with the overlapping noise of captain america completely pummelling iron man in the background, he couldn’t help but think he misheard his girlfriend. help her sock dicks? but jay wasn’t a physically violent person.

“teach you how to what?” his brows furrowed together as one of his hands reached out to gently comb through jinri’s locks.

becoming far too flustered under his interrogation, jinri decided that a visual form of communication might be easier. she inhaled deeply through her nose before dropping her jaw for her mouth to form a small ‘o’. next, she placed a fist mid-air beside her face before moving it towards her mouth, simultaneously pushing her tongue against the inside of her cheek, only for the skin to protrude on the other side. this was meant to graphically replicate a blowjob. and jay understood.

not one to easily blush, but faced with a request that he couldn’t possibly turn down from his intimately reserved girlfriend, who he’s only had the pleasure of eating out twice during these past seven months – even the doctor couldn’t help but flare up. and when in a flushed state, a majority tend to do stupid things. jay was no exception.

“why?” he croaked out.

why? why?

jinri’s face hardened. unable to comprehend why he even questioned her, she blinked several times before getting up on her feet. there were lines between her brows and her lips were pursed in contempt.

“why?” the girl asked sarcastically, a hand propped on her hip. “you’re asking me why i want to suck y – unbelievable. i don’t know, jay. you’re the therapist! aren’t you basically fucking psychic? you tell me why!”

this was, of course, rhetorical, as jinri didn’t spend another second standing there and stomped away towards the bedroom. leaving jay to figure it out all on his own. and it really didn’t take him long after jinri’s little outburst spooked him out of his fanboying. 

the blonde was splayed out on jay’s soft mattress, her legs hanging off the edge. she was more or less aware that she overreacted, but it couldn’t be helped. jinri had thought about it weeks prior.  what to say and when to say. and thursday movie nights were the answer. jay would have never suspected it and there wouldn’t have been any pressure on her. it was perfect. but why? he had to ask why? she couldn’t answer why. she didn’t prepare herself for that. he was just supposed to pull her in. tight and close. make out a little then show her how to give head. and after, jinri hoped for a cuddle session. that was the plan.

she sighed.

the door clicked open. a familiar mop of raven hair peered into her peripheral vision.  

“ri, i-“

“i’m sorry,” jinri finished on his behalf. “i didn’t mean to yell at you like that. a-and swear like that. i just…” she trailed off and closed her eyes as she felt the bed dip by her thigh. not a second later, warmth hovered above her. she felt the tips of his hair first. they tickled her face and she smiled, only for it to be taken away by the older man’s lips. he moulded his pair into hers, and they fit without question. without hesitation. not a grunt of effort. they moved slowly together in harmony, savouring every glide, press and tug. but the kids had every time in the world for a million more short and sweet kisses. eventually, they had to part, albeit just a millimetre of a gap.

he mumbled against her lips, “because you want to please me.”

jinri opened her eyes and she parroted back in reply, her words slurred while a stupid grin plastered itself on her face. “because i want to please you?”

he hummed and pecked the tip of her nose. why? it was as simple as that. the urge, the need, the want, to satisfy and pleasure your lover in every kind of way.

the first-time jay performed oral sex on jinri – she cried. during her fourth orgasm. she had yelled. moaned. whined. tossed and bucked. it was wave after wave of pleasure and endorphins. even when she had rolled over on her side, practically squeezing jay between her thighs, or when her fingers would pathetically push at his forehead, the doctor remained intact throughout each orgasm. his tongue worked tirelessly to push her to the edge as many times as he could. he lapped at every fold and every crevice. and thrusted his wet muscle as far as it could go. jinri would not keep still; one moment she’s digging her heels against the mattress, trying to push herself away and the next, her hips are lifting to grind into his mouth. his fingers left dents on her skin, only for them to be admired later when they held each other. jinri couldn’t stop praising him after. as they spooned, she’d mumble little things like, ‘that was amazing’ and ‘i really didn’t want it to end’. this only stroked jay’s ego and he couldn’t help but hug her tighter.

jinri understood and she could only giggle as jay shifted their positions. he sat at the foot of the mattress while his girlfriend straddled his lap.

“when you’re ready, you can stop kissing me,” the doctor muttered, a hand cupping at the side of jinri’s face just so he could pull her in for another kiss. they began with small, audible pecks. they’d kiss then smile, kiss again and smile. this went on for a moment until jay caught jinri’s plumper lower lip between his teeth to give it a tug. this encouraged her to part those lips and not a second later, their tongues slipped seamlessly into one another’s mouth. jay racked his wet muscle across the grooves of the roof of her mouth, something that always had her reacting. despite being expected, jay’s ears still fluttered at the sound of jinri’s moan being muffled by their kiss.  his hands began to roam and raked up the hem of jinri’s dress from her knees to her thighs. they disappeared underneath and continued to creep up to hold her by the waist. in an instinctive response, the younger woman sucked in her tummy, as discretely as she could.

“baby, don’t,” jay chuckled and gave her a squeeze. she whined before she softly headbutted him and kept their foreheads pressed together. they sat and stared, knowing and waiting for what was to come next. the doctor’s thumbs worked to comfort her, kneading circles unto her hips. yet, this only managed to tickle her, forcing her to squirm and giggle in his hold. nevertheless, it eased her, loosened the tightness of her shoulders. jinri cupped her boyfriend’s face in her hands and leaned in for a loud, wet smooch on his lips, his cheeks and just underneath his jawline. “ugh, gross. don’t slobber all over me, ri.”

she only giggled another time. gave a little shake of her head. then, gripped at the hem of jay’s shirt.

“let’s start with this, doctor.”  

despite the playful roll of his eyes, jay happily complied and rid himself of the iron-man shirt. “shouldn’t be the one laying out all the steps?”

jinri simply clicked her tongue before she proceeded to dot his body with kisses. her lips marked the side of his neck, making sure to peck each inked star. her lips continued to trail a path down his chest and torso, something she’d seen jay do whenever he went own on her. jinri then slid off his lap to kneel on the carpeted floor. she situated herself between jay’s thighs and gazed up at him, her eyes searching his for help.

he chuckled through his nose and reached down to tug a strand behind her ear. “go ahead and take it out.”

jinri stuttered ‘right’ before her fingers moved in to unbutton and unzip his jeans. the doctor swallowed a lump in his throat as his girlfriend ran the pad of her fingers up the curve of his bulge. he licked at his lips once her fingers reached the waistband of his boxers and slipped in to wrap around his flaccid member. only being the third time she’s seen or touched it, jinri’s cheeks darkened as she pulled jay’s member out.

she felt a little wounded when she saw that jay’s erection wasn’t an erection at all; it fell limp in her hold. and the older man was quick to notice this.

“now, listen, baby,” his voice cooed her out of distress, “for your first time, it’s better to take me in while i’m still soft. that way, i’ll get hard inside your mouth and it’ll be easier for you fit as much of me in. understand?” jinri keenly nodded. “okay, just don’t let your teeth make contact and…and don’t worry, i’m not going to get mad or upset about anything. and we can stop whenever you want to, yeah?” his lips pulled into a small, warm smile before he gently tapped a finger on the tip of her nose. she scrunched her nose up and beamed back at him with a bigger grin. “you can start when you’re ready.”

jinri offered another nod before her gaze lowered back down to his cock. her tongue peeked out and swiped across her lips and this had jay looking away for a second to calm himself down. she secured her grip around his length and huffed out quietly before leaning in. her hand moved to hold him up by the head before her tongue stuck out once more. pressed flat against his base, she licked a stripe up to the tip. to her surprise, it tasted salty, bitter and sweet, all at the same time. and didn’t mind it at all.

the doctor watched intently. fixated by her lips, her tongue, how she glanced up at him when she reached the tip. it made him shudder and his blood began to flow.

jinri continued and wrapped her lips around the head before gradually swallowing him in further. jay grunted softly as his cock was enveloped in the velvety warmth of his girlfriend’s mouth. being physically and charismatically attractive, jay was never short on people wanting to please him. he’s familiar with being tongued down. but knowing jinri’s background and to see her have such initiative – it was a big turn on. his fingers combed through her hair and gathered her locks behind her in his fist.

“good start, baby. just take in what you can.”

jinri hummed around him in response and her ears lit up when she caught him swear under his breath. she felt his erection grow, harder and bigger, against her tongue and this only encouraged her to go deeper. most of jinri’s sexual knowledge, unfavourably, came from watching porn – even though she’s only really started watching it when she began dating jay. mirroring the things she’s seen and read, jinri attempted to relax her muscles and swallow more of him. yet, once his tip touched the back of her throat, she began to gag. tears swelled up in her eyes, but she squeezed them shut and persisted to push down further. as the tip of his length delved into the tightness of her throat, stroked by the silk-like wetness of her muscles, jay couldn’t help his guttural groan. his grasp tightened and tugged carefully at her blonde locks.

“fuck, baby.”

jinri managed to hold him there for a minute until she started to cough. instinctively pulling her head up, her eyes were as glossy as her dripping lips; a strand of saliva had connected her full pair to the doctor’s erection. she was panting softly. her cheeks glowed a rosy tint. jay drank up the sight and his cock had to twitch.

“babe,” he breathed out and clasped onto his own member. he guided the tip to trace the outline of jinri’s bottom lip before trapping the lip underneath to tug it down. “you look so pretty stretching your lips around me like that.” the compliment only made jinri mantle darker and her lips tucked in for quick conscious second.  “you’re doing really good, ri. there’s no need to start deepthroating like a pornstar. why don’t you try moving up and down?” his comment drew out a bashful chuckle from the other before she tilted forward to embrace his tip back into the wet heat of her mouth. “mhm, use a sucking motion when you go down. make sure that hot little tongue of yours is moving around. and use your hands to pump what you can’t reach.”

jinri’s fingers returned to coil around his base while she hummed around him once more in reply.  jay mumbled a quiet praise before he had to bite his teeth together when jinri began to down him again. and again. and again. her head was bobbing rhythmically, swallowing him just enough that his tip barely grazed at the back of her throat. and like she was told, her tongue lapped and swirled around his shaft with fervor. desperately eager to indulge her boyfriend. she was evidently fruitful as jay’s pleasure presented itself in a glottal moan. his eyes were hooded as he watched her partner perpetually working to bring him to his high.

“oh, fuck…that’s it, kitten,” he grumbled. the nickname shot a spark to jinri’s core, and she felt the way her pussy clenched involuntarily. it was just one word, but jay knew how excited she got whenever he’d call her that. outside of the bedroom, it wasn’t something that would naturally roll of his tongue. but she was making him feel so good, jay had to let her know in every way he knew how. “jinri, look at me. look just what you’re doing to me.”

obediently, the younger girl shifted her gaze upwards. the doctor’s hardened face met her eyes; lips parted, and brows knitted as he was consumed by the luxury her mouth offered. this elicited a muffled whine from the girl below and it drove her to pick up her pace. she sucked him harder. faster. impassioned. other than the swearing that slipped from jay’s lips, the explicit slurping of jinri’s action filled the room. and while she felt embarrassed at how loud it was, jay didn’t hear it as anything less than music.

the doctor couldn’t fight it any longer, the need to close his eyes and throw his head back. the girl below watched as he unravelled before her. jinri had only seen him like this once. parked outside her apartment, amid of dropping her off, the couple fell into an unplanned make out session where they ended up grinding against each other’s clothed bodies until they came. but even then, it was dark and jinri was too clouded by the haze of her own orgasm to clearly observe how his features would contort in bliss. it wasn’t like how it was now. jay was red from his neck to the tips of his ears and his head would keep rolling, only to tilt back in to savour the sight of his girlfriend blowing him.

jinri’s view was just as tantalizing as his. she needn’t to check to know that her juices had soaked through panties.

she tried deepthroating him again. her eyes shut tight as she pushed down without warning and took him to the hilt. her nose became buried in the tangle of his pubic hair, but only for a hot second before she was up and coughing again. jay groaned hard as the walls of her throat stroked his dick when she pulled off.

jinri was quick to replace her mouth with her hands, pumping earnestly while she tried to catch her breath. her jaw ached, and her lips started to go numb.

“why do you have to be so big,” she panted.

to say that he was well endowed would be an understatement, and saying that the doctor didn’t know would be an even bigger one.

jay could only muster a breathy chuckle as he leaned down and nestled jinri’s face in his hands. their lips crashed together in a sloppy but fervid kiss. their tongues met in the open, warm air to dance with each other before jay wrapped his lips around her wet muscle. emulating just what she was doing a few seconds ago, he sucked harshly at the organ.

“that feels so fucking good, ri” he slurred and pecked her lips. “it’s taking everything in me not to fuck your mouth.”

jinri’s core did nothing but quiver at his words and her hands responded by jerking him off quicker. this evoked another raspy groan from the doctor as his body fell forward. his arms circled around the small girl to pull her in, his palm resting on the back of her head as he pressed her face into the crook of his neck. his mouth hovered next to her ear and jinri swears that she could bust then and there just from hearing the noises he made.

“back inside your mouth. now.”

jinri didn’t deviate any further and simply obeyed. once he had leant back, she wasted no time engulfing his angry cock back inside the warmth of her mouth. her head was bouncing up and down his shaft as she returned to humming around him – by now, learning that the vibrations only added to his pleasure.

“oh, fuck. jinri. baby. fuck!” jay was grunting and groaning into the heavy air as his orgasm chased after him. this only spurred jinri on as she moved her lips focus on the tip, sucking and lapping at it hungrily as her hands worked relentlessly.

this pushed the doctor to the edge.

unable to even give a warning, jay was forced to tug jinri off by her hair before he pulled his cock away from her hands and emitted a loud growl as the pleasure surged through him. thick, long ropes of white sprayed from the tip of his erection, making a mess of jinri’s lips and chest. his hand reached for his head, stroking it gently as it pulsated under his fingers.

his girlfriend watched in awe as jay stroked lazily at his member, still softly panting with his eyes closed. while he came down from his high, jinri poked her tongue out to swipe the cum clean off her lips. she softly smacked her lips a few times as she tried to savour his taste. it was salty with a tinge of sweetness. and she smiled to herself, deciding she didn’t mind it at all.

“jay?” she called out quietly and climbed back onto the bed, occupying the space next to him. yet, once she did, jay hooked an arm over her and tackled her down to lay on the mattress. he hurriedly shoved his limp cock back in the confines of his boxers before kicking his jeans off before proceeding to throw a leg over his lover. jinri was pulled in close with jay’s face nuzzled into the cushion of her boobs.

“you don’t know how many times i’ve had to jerk myself off to the thought of you doing what you just did.”

the object of his appraisal laughed and brought a hand to stroke the back of his head. “did i do good?”

“babe, i said it like fifty times when you were going down on me.” he shifted in his position so that they were eye level before the doctor leaned in to tap his lips on her nose. “i’m drained, baby. that’s the biggest nut i’ve had in a while. but are you all good? does anything hurt? jinri tried hard to ignore the wetness that was pressing against her inner thigh. no, no she wasn’t all good, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him. she simply blushed and offered a small ‘hm’ in reply. that was, of course, far from a convincing reply. jay squinted at the reddening of her cheeks and how she’d chosen to avert her glance. not a moment later, the light had switched on. the corner of jay’s lips lifted into a smug grin as his fingers closed in to trace along the outline of her face. “what is it?” he sung out before his hand dropped to caress the length of her arm, continuing to follow the curve of her hip and just before he could swoop underneath her dress, jinri’s arm flew to grab his wrist. jay snorted condescendingly and raised a brow at her. as if she’d actually want to stop him. a sigh of defeat left her lips as her grip softened. with his gaze still locked onto hers, the older man allowed himself to slip his beneath the material of her dress and slide his fingers between her pudgy thighs.

“…you’re soaked.”

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW!

ok i did want to re post the fic here and i almost was about to but for some reasON, the page reloaded its gone and i really can't be bothered to edit it all again. so let me just tell you this thing before i sleep. WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I'M GONNA BE SAP 👏🏻 PY 👏🏻. and you can't do anything about it. you know how you asked me a couple days ago why i'm always so sad?? haHAHA ok. I WASN'T KIDDING WHEN I SAID THAT'S MY SENSE OF HUMOR. like my sense of humor just consists of zooming in and reaction memes and degrading myself. and i think i'm hillarious too. i'm serioUS I THINK I'M FUNNY AND SOMETIMES I REALLY WISHED YOU WOULD TOO. but look i'll lecture you on that in another time! we are here. to address. my self. degradation. eVEN though i honestly do it for the shits and gigs when deep down i rate myself half decent at best, i waS concerned that maybe you got affected by it!! okay okay. OKAY. truth to be told, i am insecure. vERY insecure. behavioural wise i guess?????? physically??? i know i'm pretty. pRETTY WELL AVERAGE. okaY. WAIT. I WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT EVEN THOUGH I ACT THE WAY I DO AND YOU SOMETIMES SAY MEAN THINGS, THAT YOU STILL MAKE ME FEEL PRETTY DARN AMAZING ABOUT MYSELF. you make me feel like a queen. as muCH AS I DON'T LIKE SAYING THAT. but that's 30% of what i was trying to say. the 70% was that don't take my self degradation to heart!! (most of the time) like its no reflection of how you treat me!! you make me feel great and warm and like we could do anything!! and yeaH honestly 80% of the time that i talk trash about myself is for the lols! so don't go thinking that youre a crappy lover ok!!! okaY. goodnight ❤😣💦🌼👅

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

[Jay’s] Happy Anniversary (proof read just a lil)

Title: Let’s Give It A Try

Characters

Jay (20)

Jinri (20)

Summary: Best bros to decent lovers(?)

If Jay literally felt himself beam at the sight of Jinri huddled up next to a bookshelf of fiction novels, he keeps it to himself as he makes his way towards her with quiet steps. The corner of his lips twitch in excitement as he slots himself behind her, sliding a hand up against the bookshelf, before leaning down to whisper creepily into her ear, “Hey virgin.”

In shock, Jinri jumps in her place, almost knocking her head on Jay’s chin while letting out a loud shriek that earned them a glare or two from students around them. Jay snickers quietly behind his hand as he looks over his shoulder to meet eyes with one of the younger librarians (he’s been kicked out quite a few times already for being too loud). Before he can turn his head back around, she punches him right on the chest and if it does hurt him, he doesn’t express it. “Don’t do that you butthole!” she yelled at him in a hushed whisper. “I was just getting into the intense part of the novel, damn you!”

Jay grabs the book from her hand and looks at the cover with his eyebrows furrowed. “Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress…” Jay’s voice trails off before his eyes widen in amusement, “hey isn’t this shit the one where he fucks a girl against the tree–why are you rereading this? Pervert!”

“Stop being such an ass hat!” Jinri pushes him by the chest and takes the book away, Jay only chuckles more. With a click of her tongue, she walks off farther into the aisles of bookshelves, Jay following obediently behind her. Her fingers, run through the spines of the books as she walks by them and Jay only holds his backpack straps tighter. “Oh, shoot, how was last night by the way? Heard you didn’t come home until the afternoon after.”

“Maybe if you came, you would have known what happened, hermit,” Jay retorted with an unneeded snort, Jinri huffs bitterly. “Maybe you should stop focusing on those stupid shows and start going out more often.”

“Maybe mind your own damn business,” Jinri looks over her shoulder to glare at him before turning away with a huff. Jay laughs to himself as she leads him into her booked study room in the library. He immediately takes his backpack off the moment he slithers inside and flops down on one of the rolling chairs, gently placing his bag on the table after realizing that he has his laptop inside. “I got twenty more minutes in the room.”

Jay just absentmindedly nods while staring at the projector screen, her powerpoint presentation glowing against the white screen. “I accidentally crashed over a girl’s place and overslept,” he finally answers, his attention turning back to her. He tries not to smirk so much when he notices her eyebrows twitching in the middle, or the way she immediately looks away from him and diverts her gaze towards the screen. “She wanted to cuddle.”

“Cuddle? With the Park Jaebum? OH no!” Jinri gasped, dramatic and all. Jay just laughed even louder, leaning against the round table between them. “What’s next? Asking the what-are-we question? Oh my! Oh my!”

“Lame ass,” Jay just comments with an amused smile, head cocking towards the projection. “Okay, enough of my affairs. Present your shit.”

Much like how Jay is during his class, her words slip from one ear and exit out the other. He just pretends to listen whilst analyzing every inch of her features. From the roundness of her face, to the way her bottom lip juts out every time she collects her thoughts, to the way she fidgets when she stutters, to the swell of her hips and the bareness of her thighs, the way her tank top reveals so little for the little things she already possesses and then to her long wavy locks. He just leans his cheek against the palm of his hand as he watches her mouth move for every single syllable muttered until she finishes and just stares at him.

“You need to stop playing with your fingers and quit umm-ing all the time.” If Jay is good at anything in life, besides his fast rising social circle and his skills in video games, its presentations. Which only correlates to his mastery in bullshittery. It’s not that hard to pretend to be enthusiastic in something, if he can do it whenever a person of target makes conversations, presentations is nothing. “And stand up straight, you look like a humpback whale.”

“I will shove my foot so far up your ass!”

“Yes daddy~””

***

“Which one do you want? I can hook you up,” Jay quirks his eyebrows suggestively towards the now blonde. Jinri sighs in exhaustion, drink in her hand (her first after 3 hours into the party). Unlike their circle of friends, Jinri seems to be the only one who never goes all out in parties, only seemingly tagging along in the sidelines, much like how Jay met her two years ago. Which, by the way, is very contradicting to the way he had initially thought of her. He almost wants to laugh whenever he thinks about the time Jinri offered smoking weed with him when she had barely touched a blunt in her whole entire life. And then Jay invited her to go partying, and suddenly she was shy around people. Though, Jay couldn’t say shit, he wasn’t as lit as Jinri had assumed him to be. For fuck sakes, he bitched over the color of his skin and his burdens on fake tans.

“I told you, I don’t like one night stands!” Jinri yells over the music and Jay just blinks at her.

“Right, the whole sex is only for the person you truly love,” Jay rolls his eyes, the tone on his voice quite sarcastic which only earns him a hit on the chest. He shakes his head at the thought. Sex with a stranger versus sex with someone you love always falls in the same spectrum of pleasure anyways: sex. It’s just one organ going into another that makes life worth it. “Ridiculous.”

“YAh! If I support your sex with everyone that walks, then support mine,” Jinri takes a sip from her beer (the best one Jay can find in this damn party) and her face scrunches up right after. “You’re proud to be a whore, and I am proud to fuck anyone I love.”

“You love me?” Jay flirts like it’s his second nature and Jinri turns redder than she already is. He just laughs louder and takes a huge sip from his drink, reaching over to pinch her heating cheeks. “You know ugly, you’re not that bad.”

“What is that suppose to mean!?”

“Blah,” he sticks his tongue out and turns around to walk off, leaving Jinri to fend for herself.

***

“It’s not that I’m against relationships, you know?” Jay explains himself as they both lay down on the grass, staring up at the night sky above them. Resting his head on his bent arm, he turns his head to look at her as she lays next to him with her knees propped up, hands on her belly. “It’s just that I’m picky, you know what I mean?”

“Hmm,” Jinri just nods nonchalantly, quieter than usual, a sign that she’s genuinely listening to him. It’s not often they have meaningful discussions about himself, in fact, they barely talk about him. That’s what makes them different. Jinri speaks her mind, every troubles and every worries, even things that makes her happy. She’s an open book about it, and it’s not because it’s the way she is, it’s because it’s the way Jay is. It’s damn easy for Jay to look for signs, read into things many don’t usually pay attention to, and Jinri just so happens to show her emotions through her words and actions. But for Jay, it’s not necessarily easy for him to say certain things about himself. He’s neither comfortable or fond of sharing his troubles, insisting that it’s easier to fix it himself than burdening others with it. But sometimes, it just comes out with her. “What do you look for then?”

“In a lover?” Jay looks up momentarily to think of an answer and hums. “Well for instance, I want them to be someone who’s chill. Easy going, you know?” Jay starts, looking down and gazing over to her fingers drumming against her stomach. “Someone who I can talk to as a friend and laugh at everything with. A person who isn’t afraid to express themselves and wouldn’t shy away from me. Like, I want them to talk to me but not too much when it’s too overbearing. And! Someone who doesn’t cling too much, someone who’s constantly trying to grab all my time, I hate those.”

Jinri turns to look at him with a longing gaze.

“And someone who won’t lock me down and hold me back–someone I can basically laugh and grow with together. Someone who tries to understand me, and not change me. I want a best friend.”

“You’re asking for someone who’s too perfect,” Jinri mumbles.

“I’m just asking someone to accept me for who I am and make me happy,” Jay concludes as he picks on the grass. Silence surrounding them as Jinri just stares at him, and for the first time in awhile, Jay isn’t able to read her expression. Not sure of what her stare means, or if it’s disapproval when she bites her lips together in a thin line.

“You’ll find him or her soon…hey maybe it’s him,” Jinri raises an eyebrow and Jay groans, rubbing his face with his hand, forgetting the fact that he’s been touching the grass with it.

“I don’t think so. He’s too overbearing and it’s not fun…he spoils me you know? And I need someone who can tell me to back off or slow down,” he shakes his head.

“You’re really asking for someone who doesn’t exist.”

“They exist!”

***

“I’m so damn tired of being toyed with like this. It’s all fucking bullshit, I swear to hell,” Jay covers his face with his hands, hair dishevelled from too much pulling. He hears Jinri sigh before feeling an arm envelop his sitting form; arms around his waist as she presses herself against his side. Her warmth only slightly making him feel better. “Why does she need to lie to me like this? Like what’s her fucking point?”

“I know Jay, I know, I was shocked too,” Jinri brings his head against his chest, running her fingers through his hair. Jay almost feels bad for burdening her. Tonight was probably going to be her typical night of studying or watching a new drama, but he just decides to barge in her single dorm room and bitch about his life for the past two months. And then be such a little bitch and cry over a girl who Jinri insists doesn’t deserve him, rubbing his back as he sits on her too small of a bed.

“Fuck I know I’m ass, but do I really deserve to be lied to like this?”

“Jay, shut up!” Jinri pinches his side and hisses at him. “As much as you think you’re an ass, you’re not! You’re a great guy, Jay, to me you really are. And she’s just a fucking bitch. She’s a conniving hoe at that too!”

***

As fast as Jay fell for her, he gets over it just faster. And before anyone knows it, his life’s back to being where it was before the whole fiasco. His breakdown is the last of anyone seeing and his ego grows back to life, bigger than before. Back to being everyone’s friend and back to partying and getting his weekly lay. Then hanging out with Jinri as much as they can between Jay’s social leeching tendencies, Jinri’s addiction to shows, and their classes. If Jay was exhausted, Jinri was just as tired as he was.

So it comes to no surprise when Jay wakes up in the middle of the night, almost falling off his bed, feeling a warm body next to him. But unlike most nights, Jay isn’t naked and the person beside him doesn’t seem properly fucked out or drunk. Quietly, he sits up from his bed and grabs his laptop over their heads to place it down on his floor before laying back down, his head hitting his pillow. With careful movements, Jay gently pushes Jinri towards the wall more to give himself space and then throws a blanket over her exposed shoulders.

Within a blink of an eye, Jay wakes the morning after with a warm body literally on top of him, face nuzzling at the crook of his neck. Most times, he would be complaining and finding a way to sneak out of the room, or get a second (third) round, but he just closes his eyes again to try to get more sleep. Though with no avail, Jinri stirs beside him and upon realizing her position, she quickly sits up and gasps. And if Jay peeks at her blushing cheeks with her hand on her beating heart, he keeps it to himself as he tries to collect more hours of sleep before having to get ready for his afternoon class.

“Why was I dreaming of Nazis?”

***

“Jay!” Jinri grabs onto his arm, panting softly after running after him, which receives an eye roll from Jay. He mentally notes down in his head to start taking Jinri to the gym every MWF. “I forgot to tell you about that thing I promised to tell you before you leave.”

“Oh,” Jay briefly remembers her blushing form after promising him something she will reveal only for her to run away from him, excusing herself to being late to class. He looks down at her hands, which haven’t released his arm yet. “What is it? The car’s coming soon.”

“I…” Jinri puffs her cheeks out as she inhales deeply, her grip on his arm getting tighter. “Well I have…things for you.”

“A present?!” Jay beams with a gasp, like a child during his own birthday.

“N-no!” Jinri shakes her head, vehemently. She looks up at him with her doe eyes, a nervous shake in her own two eyes that Jay quickly detects. Her lips keep opening and closing like she’s failing to form actual words. And just like how Jay predicts it the first time around, he slowly awaits her words, expecting exactly what is about to happen.

“You killed my pet goldfish huh? Is that it?” Jay plays along anyways.

“N-no–No! How dare you accuse me of your lack of responsibilities?!” Jinri finally releases his arm and smacks him on the chest. “What I wanted to say is that I like you, you asshole!”

Jay pauses for the sake of dramatic effect before he gasps too comically to actually come off as a real shock. “No way?” Jinri blinks at him. “No really, what’s your big secret?”

“…t-that’s it?”

“But I already know?” Jay blurts out with no remorse to how Jinri is basically about to have a panic attack right before his eyes.

“W-w-what? What do you mean you already know!?”

“I mean you’re not exactly good at keeping secrets,” he smiles and pats her on the head. “Thank you for the confirmation.”

Jinri frowns. “What the fuck?”

“Come on Jinri, I know when someone’s drooling over me,” Jay snorts.

“Fine, whatever, I just wanted to let you know–I mean you don’t have to do anything about it. I don’t expect you to like me back, but I just thought it’s best that you know…like I don’t want to date you or anything! I just had to tell you…for me.”

The car slowly pulls over besides Jay and Jinri and they both look at it like it’s interrupting something so special. “Alright. Even if you were so obvious about it. Have a Merry Christmas, Ri, don’t get your ass freezing yeah?” Jay ruffles her hair before slipping inside the car after the driver places his bags inside his trunk.

***

“What a damn ugly ass cat,” Jay looks at the white cat at the corner of Jinri’s too small of a bed. Almost too immediately, Jinri smacks him across the arm and shoves him against the wall. “Yah!”

“He’s not an ugly cat! He’s my baby, my Hero! He’s an amazing company, okay? And he doesn’t bully me like you.”

“You know when I said you can sign up for a comfort pet, I meant get a dog, not a damn cat,” Jay points out, throwing his hands out towards the cat only to get another shove from the smaller girl.

Much to their surprise, their friendship doesn’t exactly change since Jinri’s confession. Jay comes back to school, sated from his trip back home, and Jinri doesn’t bombard him with pressure. It’s like the confession didn’t even happen, even if Jay purposely brings it up to tease her and Jinri yelling at him that soon enough she’s going to get over him. And just like that it’s already in the middle of March, midterms rolling up soon.

“Oh shit, yeah,” Jinri turns to face him with a quizzical expression. “I started speaking to your boyfriend again, and he’s so in love with you.” See? Nothing changed, very highly disappointing.

“He’s not my boyfriend! Shut up virgin ass.”

***

“I get it Jay, I can’t force you into something you don’t want.”

Jay mindlessly walks around the city around the campus with no destination in mind, taking his time with each stride as thought after thought runs through his head. His fingers shoved into the pockets of his jacket, the tips of each finger wanting to scratch something but not knowing what. He feels so confused and bothered. Things just doesn’t make sense to him. But it feels so wrong, just really wrong. Surely, he did try to feel something more than the need of a companion, a person who can satisfy his lust, and the enjoyment of being treated like he’s sitting on the high throne. But something in himself didn’t feel right. And he knew it from the very beginning. Because the moment he confessed his feelings, he was still unsure of his future, much like many of the people who he had grown accustomed to like.

It was just this time, he was more persistent than most. Showing up more often, saying yes to every command, and pretending to be interested in things he was. But at the same time he’s supportive, it was like he was also trying to imprison him, and rejuvenate him to be someone squeaky clean and it felt so damn wrong to be Jay for who he is. But he fell for it, the lust and the attention, so he stayed and kept quiet of his uneasiness, perhaps desperate for someone to love him, and as much as he cringes at the thought, he couldn’t help but feel the truth from it. Although, he knew he wouldn’t be happy about it in the end.

But what the fuck makes him happy?

Jay was tired of it all, the way faces just passed by without any sense of lingering. It was like he was build to just collect as many faces as much as possible but never let one imprint on him. Maybe he was too picky and standard. Maybe Jinri was right, there was just no one that falls under his ideal type.

“Fuck,” Jay mumbles under his breath as he stomps childishly on a crispy leaf. Who was he fucking kidding? This was all his damn fault. There would have been someone so perfect for him if he just stopped and get to know the people before fucking them into their sheets.

Jay looks up from the floor to realize his familiar steps as he presses a button to the elevator, his heart beating too fast for no fucking reason. He stares at the shining doors of elevator with now an empty thought in his head. He isn’t so sure how he got here and isn’t so sure why either but it feels right the moment he slips pass through the doors to walk down the hallway.

Without hesitation, he barges into the small room of her one person dorm. And before he gives a single thought about anything he says, he stares at her figure and blurts out, “hey, we should go out. Like on a date, you and me. Shit let’s try getting together.”

Jinri drops her opened water bottle on her light green carpet, spilling the contents. “What the fuck!?!”

“Is that a yes?”

***

“Yah! I could have died!” Jinri yells at him after he swiftly lifts her from the floor and sits her on top of the ladder of the playground set, her legs trapping him in between with her ankles locking together. His hands comfortably lays on her thighs as she hands her arms over his shoulder. Her cheeks slowly turns to a faint color of pink as he continues to gaze at her features. “Stop doing that,” she whines weakly as she drops her chin to her chest to avert away from his stare.

“Stop doing what?” Jay steps closer towards her, his arms resting besides her legs on the metal surface. She blushes harder when he tilts his head to look at her from under her, their eyes meeting momentarily before she closes them tight, squeezing him with her legs. “Jinri.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Jinri whispers lowly, lifting her head when Jay nudges her chin with the knuckle of his index finger, reopening her eyes to look down at him, meeting his two dark orbs again. “Who knew you’d want to date me? Me? Out of all people, me?”

“You’re my best friend,” Jay simply explains, words so simple yet they both know the deeper meaning behind it, and it’s only for them to treasure. Jinri just whines louder not a second later and hides her face against his shoulder, her hand coming to aid as she covers the side of her face, and Jay just finds her more endearing than before.

“What the fuck?” she groans as her free hand smacks him on the chest again, mumbling about how stupid they both are, alternating between blaming him and then herself with no aim of what the faults are about. “It doesn’t even make sense!”

“Are you complaining?”

“N-no,” Jinri is quick to shake her head before whispering softly, like her words are only for him to hear. “I’m just really really happy.”

“Me too. It’s been awhile,” Jay confesses just as quietly and for a moment Jinri forgets to breathe. And Jay likes it, likes it when she becomes breathless without having to do an exerting a huge amount of force. Jay wishes to steal it more often. “Jinri,” he whispers again and pulls his head back to force her to look at him. Gently, he cups her cheek in his hand, his thumb caressing the softness of her skin. “You make me happy.”

The sight of her smiling widely for him with her eyes shining against the darkness around them, it makes him feel so elated. A feeling he’s so foreign with. So he takes his chances to pull her in and let their lips finally meet for the first time, his eyes closing the moment he feels the softness of her lips against his own. Jay starts hearing the pounding of his heart against his ear as Jinri then grabs both of his cheeks to pull him even closer, deepening their kiss as their lips lock. And soon enough, Jay couldn’t hear anything anymore as she grows more daring to graze her teeth along the seams of his lower tier before letting her tongue take its own feel, and Jay knows by then, he’ll be nothing but lost in her control.

***

“What do you mean? I think you’re fucking sexy like that?”

If there is anything Jay likes doing to Jinri is making her flustered. A flushed startled look with her eyes widening. That one moment of silence before she’s shoving at him and yelling before proceeding to run to another room to hide.

“Cute booty.”

***

Jay is more than unsure about the pressure against his crotch, especially when his mind is still foggy from sleep. Either way, the pressure is more than welcoming when he slowly stirs from his sleep to wake up to a curtain of blonde hair around his face. Her hands pinning his shoulders down against the mattress, fingers digging into his skin as her hips gyrate her hips down his own. “Jinri…?” he moans out the question when she particularly rolls her hips forward.

Jinri then leans back to sit right on his hips, ass perked on his growing bulge with enough pressure that he becomes wanting but not enough that he feels an urge to lift his hip. Her hair is in dishevelled around her, long locks reaching past her (read: his) white hoodie. Jinri lets out a small little whine that escapes pass her plump lips, her hands playing with the waistband of his boxers. The corners of her eyes welling up in small tears.

“Daddy, can Jinri get her cummies now?”

Jay freezes in his spot and when he blinks once, Jinri disappears and it feels very hot. He quickly sits up and runs his fingers through his hair, his mind trying to process things. And then he begins patting himself frantically, trying to find the reality of things. It is only when he realizes everything was just a dream, he curses under his breath. With a frustrated groan, he falls back onto his pillows, crying loudly, “when is she going to fuck me?! It’s been three months???”

***

Happy Anniversary baby

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

dingus, look what i found :’ )

https://merryxmasmyuglynerdofalover.tumblr.com/

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

All the ways to say 'I Love You' (an on going series!)

ok. ayt. see this is very short and mostly fluff! do not expect a lot!

“No trying to take girls home because there’ll be one here waiting to give you a can of whoop ass!”

“Yes ma'am. No girls. But I can take home boys. Gots it.”

“Yah!” Jinri physically kicked at the pillow by her feet, and despite the nature of her whining, a stupid grin was pulling on either side of her lips. To be brutally honest, she didn’t really believe that Jay would attempt or even consider to come home with an unnecessary guest, she merely didn’t want to hang up just yet.

“C'mon, Ri. After that show you pulled off yesterday, how do you expect me to be looking at anyone else, hmm?” Jay cooed from the other end of the phone. And based on that awfully smug hum, Jinri could picture just how proud his expression was.

The blonde couldn’t help but blush at the mention of last night. Of the sex-positive musical stylings of Chris Brown and weeks of twerking in front of a mirror – she owed herself at least the right to brag. But alas, still unbelieving of how well her lap dance went, Jinri simply stumbled upon how to reply and ultimately gave Jay even more of a reason to call her a virgin.

“P-piss off! That was embarrassing, okay? I. I don’t know how or what possessed me last night that compelled my butt to clap like it did…but! I assure you, mister, you won’t be seeing such a thing again for a very long time!”

A snort was heard along with a hum that dripped with sarcasm. “Sure I won’t,” Jay chuckled before he flicked a knowing gaze at the space in front of him, as if he was actually facing Jinri. “Anyway, I better go, don’t stay up and get some sleep, yeah?”

“Don’t get too wasted!”

“No promises.”

“I mean, just don’t do anything dangerous or stupid!”

“You’re worrying too much. Your face is going to get stuck like that and you’re already ugly enough as you are.”

“You’re so mean,” Jinri huffed and let her face relax, even consciously reaching a hand to her forehead to rub at the space between her eyebrows. “Alright fine, I’ll see you later then, doyoy. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks, baby.”

At the ungodly hour of 3 am, Seo Jinri would usually be fast asleep, jaw slacked and snoring it up, probably dreaming about Nazis. But Jay had other plans.

With her hands pulling him by the armpits, using every bit her strength which was probably the equivalent of a daisy’s, Jinri dragged her wasted boyfriend across the carpet. Of course, to someone like her, who was 153 centimetres of soft fat, it was a piece of cake. 

Except the cake was made of muscle and was a good 20 centimetres taller than her and wasn’t a cake.

It was a full grown man.

“Honestly, Cha Cha could have done this himself,” she grunted before pausing to take a break. PSA, after rudely interrupting Jinri’s sleep with his incessant knocking, Cha Cha thought it’d be a great idea to leave Jay’s body by the door. Obviously, no one was sober enough to consider the fact that Jinri’s arms were made for opening the fridge and not for pulling a passed out, eighty-something kilogram dickhead. A cute dickhead. But a dickhead nonetheless. Literally by the foot of their bed, the girl’s tired tush collapsed to the floor with a huff, “you’re so fat.” She gazed down at her lover, breathing a little heavier than usual from the fatigue, and expected him to clap back. But she was only met by quiet, indistinguishable murmuring and the explicit scent of alcohol and vomit. Jinri laughed by herself and poked the tip of Jay’s nose. “Stupid, you can’t sleep on the ground.

Despite this, the freelance model wriggled away from underneath Jay’s body to gather the blanket and pillows into her arms before dropping them beside her boyfriend’s body. 

“At least not like that.” Jinri got back down onto her haunches and started to remove Jay’s shoes, the socks followed before Jinri started to unbuckle his belt. Hah, no, Jay was not about to get some drunk head. If it wasn’t for the fact that she was head over heels for the sleeping headass, she would have left him by the doorway and continued having unorthodox dreams. But her beauty sleep would come at the expense of her love’s safety. Like, what if he starts choking on his own vomit during his sleep? Or a crazy fan finds him there and decides to kidnap him for some weird dominatrix shit? And worse case scenario would be that he realizes what little care she has for him and then boom. He bounces.

You get the point.

And as Jinri attempted to take off the belt, Jay stirred and mumbled in his sleep.

“H…hero’s going to get you,” he slurred and pathetically brushed Jinri’s fingers away from his hip. The younger girl blinked and leaned in closer so she can actually understand what he was going on about. “My girlfriend’s really sensitive so I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t suck my dick.”

Jinri couldn’t help the loud ‘aw’ that filled the room. She loomed over him and moved one hand to caress the side of his face.

“Baby, it’s me,” Jinri cooed before she let herself plop down beside him. She stared at him endearingly, albeit his visage was consumed by the dark, while carefully lifting his head to prop a pillow under him.

Jay’s brows lifted in acknowledgment but his eyes remained shut. He blindly snaked his arm around her waist before pulling himself into her warmth, while Jinri threw the blanket over both of them.

“Don’t cry, I told her to go away. I only want your slim-thick lips,” he rambled on and mustered to flash a goofy, closed smile. And just as his girlfriend grazed those slim thicc lips against his, Jay swerved his head away with a whine. “Nooo…I’ll taste like barf.”

This had Jinri grinning before she leaned in to peck his cheek. She carefully tugged his chin to have him face her once more and proceeded to peer in. Close enough that their lips brushed over each other as she whispered.

“I don’t mind.”

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

best part: a playlist

first, log in to: 8tracks.com

username: kindalonely password: pineappleonpizza

then locate the profile. find the playlist tabs. click on the tab that says ‘unlisted’ playlists. and boom, you should be able to jam out from then.

Special Affair by The Internet

Your Way by H.E.R

Higher by Rihanna

Back At One by Brain Mcknight i gave you a cover of this song but. you know what. the original is so much better.

Let Me Love You by Jorja Smith [COVER] she also has this cover mashup of luther vandross’ never too much and drake’s too good. and MMHM. i think it’s hella nice. it’s sort of a jazzy rendition though.

A Little Bit by MYMP

Baby, Now That I’ve Found You by MYMP [COVER]

Lemonade by Jeremy Passion

Lullaby by Alice Soung [COVER]

Coffee by Miguel aaa. i love this song so much.

Sure Thing by Miguel

I Choose you by Kiana Ledé [ACOUSTIC VERSION]

My Boo (feat. Alicia Keys) by Usher

Body by Sud

Every Kind Of Way by H.E.R

Missing You by The Internet

Best Part (feat. H.E.R) by Daniel Caesar

FWU by Kehlani fun fact: when kehlani sings the line “put none above me ‘cause i’m loyal”, i misheard it and sang it as “banana bump ‘cause i’m loyal”. and like. i always questioned it but then i just went with it too-

Kiss It Better by Rihanna

Crazy In Love by Beyoncé

Cater 2 U by Destiny’s Child

Get You (feat. Kali Uchis) by Daniel Caesar

Heebiejeebies (feat. Kehlani) by Aminé

Wet Dreamz by J.Cole the music video for this is so cute.

Tell Me Where It Hurts by MYMP

Into You by Sydney Renae

SONGS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT:

Hold Me Down by Daniel Caesar

Hold Me by Janine

The Weekend by SZA a sidehoe anthem!

Dakota (feat. Charlie Wilson) by Aminé

Slide by Aminé honestly, his whole album ‘GOOD FOR YOU’ is a bop.

2 by H.E.R

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

not a red rose or a satin heart.

you gave me an onion. it is a moon wrapped in brown paper. it promises light like the careful undressing of love.

here. it blinded me with tears like a lover. it made my reflection a wobbling photo of grief.

i am trying to be truthful.

not a cute card or kissogram.

you gave me an onion. its fierce kiss will stay upon my lips, possessive and faithful as we are, for as long as we are. i took it. its platinum loops shrunk to wedding ring, i liked. lethal. its scent clung to my fingers, clung to my knife.

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

All the ways to say ‘I love you’[ 1/∞]

three days.

she poked her fork at the omelette. despite it’s vivid yellow and the bright greens and reds amongst it, jinri couldn’t help but think it looked so bleak.

it’s been three days.

her face scrunched up into a scowl and jinri pushed the plate away. she tossed the fork at it and it only resulted to an unharmonious series of clangs that served to irritate her even further.

it’s been three days since she got kicked out her fiance’s apartment. and with her face rested against the table, arms hugged around her head as if to shield her self from the demands of the day, it was clear she wasn’t coping well.

she lost her appetite. she didn’t want to move. it’d only remind her how small her place was. jinri forgot how crammed it was in her little apartment. things were placed wherever possible, everything was stacked and she couldn’t move an inch without hitting something.

okay, maybe she was exaggerating. maybe not. but still, it was damn small. she couldn’t fathom how her and jay were able to fool around before without wrecking the whole place.

she smiled at the memory but only momentarily. reality wouldn’t allow her the satisfaction of escaping her current situation, even it was for a mere second.

jinri sat up, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. she couldn’t just sit here all day and feel sorry for herself. well, she could, she’s fully capable of doing so. but. she won’t.

the exasperated blonde stood and up and began to drag herself towards her bedroom. she wouldn’t sit and mope. instead, she’ll do it lying down, and maybe even cry her self to sleep.

“i’m path-” before jinri could add salt to her own wound, the familiar tone of baby shark disrupted the stillness of her apartment. her phone was ringing. “fuck,” she muttered as she frantically patted herself to feel for the object. this dumb ass was wearing a night gown. and once she realised that, and actually listened for where the song was coming from, jinri bolted towards the living room. 

the living room was down stairs. this meant steps. this meant a flustered, broken-hearted, uncoordinated, asian girl tripping on her own feet before landing face first on the carpet. 

“fuck,” she whimpered before crawling towards the coffee table. her hand reached for the phone and quickly tapped on ‘answer’ without even checking the caller id. “h-hello?” 

“hey, ri. we need to talk.” 

jinri licked at the dryness of her lips. before she could utter a reply, she was taken aback by the metallic taste that met her tongue. her finger pressed on the skin just under her nose and as jinri pulled it back for inspection, her eyebrows furrowed at the sight blood staining her finger. 

“fuck.” 

there was no time to change. to brush her hair. or to wait for the nose bleed to stop. and that’s how seo jinri found herself, still clad in the night gown, hair half-assedly combed by her fingers, with two bunched pieces of tissue shoved up her nose, standing in front of park jaebum. 

who aptly greeted her with, “what the fuck?” 

after she was rushed inside and taken care of with a bag of peas hugging at the bridge of her nose, jinri laid down on the sofa with jay sitting close by her feet. 

“it’s eight am, ri. how the hell is your nose already bleeding?” the older man sighed and lifted her legs up so he could sit back and prop her feet on his lap. his hands were absently massaging at her feet as his eyes scanned the night gown. there were blotches of blood near the neckline of her dress. “stupid,” he quietly concluded to himself. 

“i told you...i got into a fight with the floor and lost.” it really wasn’t any better than just admitting she tripped but somehow it did sound sort of...cooler. 

the two stared at each other in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. jay looked at the small double chin that formed from her lying down, the white stubs sticking out of her nose and the bag of peas that took its rest on her forehead. she was such a mess. a beautiful mess. 

they stared. and stared. before breaking out into laughter. jay didn’t help as he proceeded to tickle jinri’s feet. this earned him a squeal as she curled her feet away from his wrath and into her chest. she sat up, only to revengefully smack her love with the frozen peas. she called him an ‘asshole’ in the midst of her giggling. her shoulders shook along as she laughed. 

but only a moment later did they shake as she sobbed. 

without warning, tears started to roll down the curve of her cheeks. her hands cupped her mouth as they muffled her crying. she couldn’t bear it. she couldn’t bear laughing as if there was nothing wrong. she couldn’t look at the brightness of his smile and just forget how he described the year they’ve spent together. she couldn’t pretend that this was her third chance already. she couldn’t accept that he was ready to leave while she was light years away from being prepared for it. 

“jinri-”

“we’re still together. i know that,” she croaked as her hands wiped at her cheeks. “we’re going to step back and catch up on what we missed.” jay shifted his body to face her and inched close enough so that he could pull her into his arms. he held her tightly, with an arm around her waist and a hand keeping her face nestled safely in the crook of his neck. “i know you said you still love me...but it just...hurts.” 

“I know, ri,” he cooed, his own chest tightening. “it hasn’t been easy for me either.” knowing jinri, jay had a hunch that she probably thought the break brought him a generous amount of relief. it wasn’t. he didn’t want a break. he didn’t like that he had to ask for it. this wasn’t what jay wanted for the both of them. this wasn’t how he wanted things to go down. hurting his girl was never part of the plan. 

she felt him squeeze her, and he felt her relax. jinri sniffled and emitted a heavy sigh as her sobbing came to a stop. she gently pulled away from jay, just so she could look at him. her lips curved into a small smile before she tugged the pieces of tissue out of her nose. jay chuckled as his egg-looking, headass of a lover, crinkled her nose. 

“by the way... what was it you wanted to talk about?” 

jay grinned and gave a soft shake of his head. he cupped her face in the warmth of his hands as his eyes drank in her visage. puffy-faced, red-nosed with cheeks wet, she was such a mess. a beautiful mess. he leaned in and captured her lips in a slow and thorough kiss before pressing his forehead against hers.

“nothing, i just wanted to see you.”

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

baby, the sound of you better than a harmony i want you off my mind and on me holding me closer than ever before this ain't a dream you're here with me boy, it don't get better than you for you, i wanna take my time

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

this is the face i want to wake up to eVERY DAMN SINGLE MORNING for the rest of my blessed life

[bigcheeksandabigheart]

something you already know but chose to ignore.

jinri: more specifically, dr. seo jinri. m.d. comes home late. can’t help it.

jay: tries but is only human. consequently developed an immunity to the effects of coffee. just wants to have dinner with his fiancee,

i’m not specifying ages because i sUCK.

also fluff. just fluff. maybe.

please don’t read.

At two am, the town was still sound asleep, tucked under their thick comforters. This was the case for most, most but not all. Not for anatomist Seo Jinri, who, with her cheeks deflated from the pressures of the day, stumbled into her dimly lit apartment. Shared and dimly lit apartment.

The only source of light came from the door of her - their bedroom - that was slightly agape. It was a lamp, purposely left on by her thoughtful fiance, who had learned from the few nights before when Jinri walked into basically every piece of furniture as she tried to navigate in the dark, ultimately disrupting his sleep.

Coming home at an ungodly hour had become her routine in the past few weeks, yet she still grimaced at the remaining ten metres of space she had to make in order to reach the bedroom from the entrance of the apartment. Every time was tedious, only made harder by the compelling presence of the couch. Which was an annoying five metres away. Half the journey to the bedroom. But what awaited her at the end of the ten metres made it all worth it.

The dyed-blonde doctor huffed and dragged herself across the floor, letting her hand bag fall from her shoulder before it hit the carpet with a soft thud. She nudged the door to open wider and felt her body become lighter at the sight of her beloved. He, like the rest of the town, was tucked underneath a thick comforter. Jinri was grateful for the fact that he had slept facing the door as she felt the slightest bit more energized seeing her love’s visage. Slipping under the blanket, she shifted across the mattress and closer towards him. Usually, drained from work, Jinri would have just snaked an arm over her lover, pulled herself close and succumbed to sleep. It seemed that tonight, Jinri had missed him just a little bit too much.

“Baby, I’m home,” she whispered, the corner of her lips tugging upwards. She reached out a hand and grazed her knuckles along the side of his face. Taking a closer look, it was evident that Jinri wasn’t the only one not getting much sleep. As she leaned her face in, she could smell the lingering scent of coffee. Her chest tightened.

The first few nights that Jinri started coming home late, things were easier. Jay was able to stay up and meet her with a bright grin, coupled with a dinner that he had made. He was careful not to cook too early so that the food would be fresh for when his fiancee came home. And not too late or else she’d fall asleep before getting to eat. Sometimes dinner was KFC or In n’ Out but it was never a problem. Jinri still loved it. She was so blessed, she thought every time.

But nine pm became eleven pm and eleven pm became twelve am. Today it was two am. As much as Jay had wanted to be awake to greet his baby, he just couldn’t beat his body’s demand for sleep. Coffee helped, until eventually, it wasn’t working anymore.

It was unfair, for both him and her. They both knew this. Yet nothing could be done. Dr. Seo Jinri had John Does and Jane Does to dissect, autopsies to complete. Throughout her day, as she plunged a serrated knife into incision after incision, what loitered in her head were thoughts of the Jay Park she’d rather be spending time with. Her Jay Park, whose body interested her the most, whose tattoos she’d favor to observe and whose face she’d be more inclined to mark. With kisses.

The anatomist huffed for the second time that hour and stared at the love of her life with longing. She allowed her fingers to trace along his neck, past the curve of his collarbone and finally to his chest where she pressed her palm. “Jay, let me tell you something you already know but chose to ignore,” she began, flicking her gaze from his features and back to where her fingers were, “the heart. It’s a muscular pump. Two atriums. Two ventricles separated by a septum.” A smile returned to her lips as her next line amused her, “Its chambers do not fill with joy or sorrow and feeling heartbroken is but a myth.”

Too invested, Jinri didn’t take notice that the older man had peeled his eyes open to watch her. Little did the doctor know, Jay was already stirred awake when he felt the bed dip from her weight. He felt her caress his cheek and heard the exasperation in her sigh. And although he wanted to hold her, he sensed more was to happen and successfully refrained himself. Until now, he moved his hand from under the blanket and placed it over hers, pleasantly surprising his chubby cheeked lady. This was apparent from the way her smile grew wider as their eyes met, this time, showcasing teeth.

“The eyes act as a camera. There are rods and cones that receive light from the pupil and the optic nerve converts them into images.” Jinri propped herself up on an elbow and Jay read this as a sign to close his eyes. This rung true as she peered close to press two delicate kisses upon his lids. “It is impossible to fall in love at first sight.”

“Impossible with you, ugly ass,” Jay joked, his voice groggy as he still sounded of sleep. This earned him a small chuckle from his girl, the sight of her nose crinkling up, her eyes squinting into crescents, only woke him up further. He slid an arm around her waist and tugged her towards him. Jinri responded by hooking a leg over his hip. “I hate biology,” he grumbled. “You made me hate biology...well...your job did.” Jinri was quick to shush him as she pressed an index finger against his lips, which were now the object of focus. 

“The lips,” she continued, utilising the leg that she had hiked on him to push his bigger frame over and have him lay on his back while she straddled him, “surround the entrance to the oral cavity. They allow the oral cavity to be competent during mastication.” Her eyes glazed over his features until she met those ever so familiar lips. She admired their pinkness a little while longer before capturing them, fitting like pieces of a puzzle. And despite the delicacy of the kiss, it weighed heavy of yearning. “As much as I love kissing you, I’m afraid yours do not taste sweeter than wine.”

Jinri flashed a grin as she retracted herself away by a fraction and Jay returned the smile. The sight tickled her skin, feeling a chill on the back of her neck, which contrasted with the warmth that smothered her cheeks. There it was, the smile that she’d been aching to see the moment she stepped out of their apartment this morning. She interlocked their fingers together and brought the back of his hands to her lips, placing a kiss on the silver band that decorated his finger. With their fingers laced, right next to Jay’s was a diamond ring. Jinri’s diamond ring. It glimmered with memories of a four am morning and failed plans to wake up from the pleasures of cunnilingus.

“And since you hate biology, you’ll like this next fact,” her eyes fell closed, a knowing smile adorned her features, and her lips murmured against the ring, “that between you and I, Park Jaebum and Seo Jinri, there exist something biology cannot explain. Something even the world’s best scientists would never figure out. Something only we know. Do you understand?”

Jay nodded. He did. He understood because he felt too. And he felt a little ridiculous. Those three words tugged at the tip of their tongues but words were redundant. Unnecessary. Irrelevant, and every other synonym, for it was clear from the way Jay enveloped his wife-to-be in his arms, in everything he was. With her face nuzzled in the crook of his neck, he surrounded her, filled her senses to the brim. She wouldn’t have asked for anything else.

Jay pulled the covers over both of them. Curled up together in each other’s warmth, there remained four hours until the light of day would greet them good morning. It’d be a Sunday. A day off from the reek of formaldehyde, from reaching for latex gloves every five minutes and from missing her one and only. In four hours, it’d be morning and Jinri...

Jinri will make them pancakes.