bigcinnamonroll

[bigcinnamonroll]

"DID I CROSSED THE LINE?"

I’m writing this message because the more I keep it within myself, the heavier it feels on my heart—like a storm wanting to break free. I hate going to bed with a heavy heart and waking up with the same weight because it truly bothers me. Funny how I used to think sleep could take all the pain away, but it turns out to be just a temporary escape.

I may not always say this to you, but I hope you can see that there’s someone who thinks about you a lot—especially when you’re out late at night and I’m not around. It gives me insomnia just thinking that you're still not home. It’s not that I don’t trust the people you're with; it’s the environment that worries me.

I hope you can also consider my feelings, because it’s not easy waiting for your replies. Sometimes you respond, but you don’t really answer my questions—and that leaves me overthinking. I spend minutes, even hours, waiting anxiously for your replies.

Am I being too much? Am I worrying too much? Why? Is it really that bad? Am I crossing a line? I’m not trying to stop you from doing the things you enjoy—I just want you to consider my feelings when I’m worried. I’m not asking you to be on your phone all the time, but please give me some assurance that you’re okay, and that someone will get you home safely.

There have been so many times I wanted to get mad, but I chose not to because I didn’t want you to think I’m being unreasonable—or maybe it’s because I expect too much? Am I really that demanding? Am I really too much to handle? Or am I just overreacting? I honestly don’t know anymore.

Why does it feel like I have to beg for your time and attention? Am I really that desperate to be seen and loved?

My feelings for you have always been genuine. I just hope you don’t take them the wrong way, because it hurts deeply when they’re invalidated. I’m not just a mere person in your life—I’m your partner.

[bigcinnamonroll]

The One—

Honestly, I don't know where to begin with but first thing I know for sure is that we've been already 3 months and 11 days together as an official lovers & in relationship.

I still could remember out first interaction 6 months ago have passed, that was during our preparation for the first week of school days. You were appointed as the new chairman of literary com— & it was your first day working with us as an official CED EC officer.

Since then, I'm already attracted to you cause i find you intimidating, matured, and pretty lady at the same time. I like how you handle your self and talk in a professional way. I was really amazed about you that's why I started to like you and felt the urge of wanting to be friends with you. Since then I always look up at you as my senior and Idol. Just by seeing you next to me already makes my heart beat so fast and at the same time gives me comfort & butterflies.

I initiated the first move to converse with you & just simply asked u some random things even though i already know the answers in my mind. Idk, I just like the idea that we're talking together even though sometimes it doesn't make dense. I really like the attention you give me & really listen to all my nonsense in life... til one day all I know, i just want you always close beside me.

You have this kind of vibes and personality that i liked and adore. I never anticipated to fall in love with someone like you— Ever since that day, all i want is to be close with you all the time. It took so long to find you but you were worth the wait. It wasn't really easy for me to find you and I'm glad our path crossed.

She's now my Girlfriend. 🤍💐✨

[bigcinnamonroll]

End of crush era—

It has been a month since the last time i wrote about someone whom i admire the most— but this time it's a different story to tell. I'm back again not because i got rejected or dumped again. After the long waits, pain, & false hope I've experienced from my past crushes. I'm proud to share with y'all that I've finally found the perfect one for me—the person whom i can call mine and home.

Yes, it was a really fast-paced moment but I'm no longer single. She completely holds my heart and will forever be...

[bigcinnamonroll]

Heartbroken artists nurture their pain as a mother would her child.

[bigcinnamonroll]

Hi, I'm reaching out to you tonight to make things clear between us. Please, allow me to speak and express my own thoughts and side na rin bc it has been bugging me since last night pa and i can no longer take it anymore kay na guilty jud ko. di na makaya sakong konsesnya.

I know it has been hard for you this past few days since our last laag and meet up. I'm aware of how badly i treated you and i can't blame you if you're mad or said bad things abt me bc you have all the rights to hold grudges against me..... have every rights to ge mad at me. Your feelings are valid & that's why I'm writing an apology message for you.

I admit I have lapses and messed up. I've became more inactive and snob saimo since our event sa school has started & was really busy not knowing that someone is waiting for me pala. I've became more insensitive, rude and inconsiderate towards your feelings—i did not think about your feelings and how much it really affected you. Yes, I maybe manhid and nonchalant all the time but aminado ko nga nasakitan jud ka sakong actions and treatments.

Don't get me wrong, i really appreciate your efforts and time you gave me. All those things you bought me even though i didn't asked for it but you always insist to buy it bc you know it will make me happy.... Sa imong mga libre and all, you really know the way to make my heart happy even gamay na butang pana & para saimo fulfilment nana nga napa smile ko nimo. you know that i really hate it when sum1 is wasting money on me pero that's how you express your feelings.

I respect your feelings and I'm really really sorry for what i did, i don't expect you to forgive me nor expect you to forget cause i will live it up to you. I will always cherish the moment we've share together and those moment gina ubanan ko nimog kaon just so you know— but for now i have come to realized and decided na we should stop seeing each other and stay as pinsan lang. let's just focus on our studies and personal time. padayun saimong pag skwela and soon you'll make your self proud. ill be rooting for you, future custom broker! Insha Allah.

May this message finds you well.

[bigcinnamonroll]

i was in my miserable state when i met you

[bigcinnamonroll]

More sunsets 🫶🏻

[bigcinnamonroll]

April 02, 2023; 11:40 am.

One of the best thing has ever happened to me & indeed such an unforgettable moment for me as admirer. After 5 months of secretly admiring her from afar i have finally had the chance to meet her personally and was able to converse with her even just for a short span of time & it really really means a lot to me. SWEAR. para akong fangirl niya sa harap niyan

feels like a dream come true facing her in a close distance.

i dont think i will ever forget those sweet smile she flashes the moment i walked towards her— closing the distance between us. I was really glad that she love the sketch i made for her which i kept for a very long time on my clear book & it melts my heart when i think about it. the fact that she placed it on her journal book makes me feel like im in a cloud nine rn—like i just won in a lottery. who would've thought that this will happen?

i never imagine of getting noticed by her. she was totally a different person the first time i chatted her, she wasn't that cold and formal unlike before. i kinda like the goofy and playful side of her— but there's this thing kept bugging me nga what if she was just being kind kay gi drawing nako siya? & she doesn't want me to feel bad.. 🥲

Anyway, i dont need to think much about that. what matters to me is that she allowed me to sketch her anytime i want & na kuha niya na rin ang sketch ko sa kaniya. i mean how can i resist not to draw her when she's so damn gorgeous!

[bigcinnamonroll]

oh to be loved by C !!

[bigcinnamonroll]

'went all vanished'

to a person who was once like a gem to me—

who would've thought that this moment will come where we have to turn our back to each other due to some circumstances. im really mad just incase u did not know.

you can always approach me naman if there's actually something wrong— im always open to any discussion just so you know but why does it have to be like this?

im really disappointed and hurt at the same time.

i've never treated you differently; in fact, I accepted you as whole in your darkest hour when you felt alone and rejected by the world.

how can you be so numb and insensitive about this & you're just going to let it happen? blocking me without me knowing? i never say bad things behind your back, if this was about your fucking GF then don't fucking give me a lame reason bc i won't let you explain to me just like how you blocked me for not letting me know.

& if you felt offended just bc i said things against your GF then so be it. i was just spitting facts here fyi. if kabalo lang mag participate imo uyab sa mga group activities, performances, and reporting or balance sa acads and dates ninyo duha dili ko maabot sa point na ma insult nako imo uyab, we were at the verge of stress kay daghan apason na deadlines yet imo uyab dili mo sulpot sa mga performances now kinsa may dili saputon? kami pay ipa agad ani run? i mean i can always kick her out sa group pero since ur my barkada ma konsensya ko. okey raman unta sa akoa na isa or duha ra siya ni absent during sa mga practice and filming kay lagi she's not feeling well— i might even consider it pa pero kanang every meeting & lectures absent imo uyab kana ang dili ma consider nako. for the whole 1st sem ga sakit imo uyab? tf?

for fuck sakes even kami na apektohan tungod saiyahang behaviours— well that was a month ago & I don't know if this is one of the reason why i felt you've been distance and cold towards me but i won't care anymore. im always ready to let go of anything. don't worry i dont hold grudges, nagpa gawas rakos akong pamati.

anyway, i wont be forcing myself to earn everything what we had before bc i know it will never be the same & i can't look at you the same way as before. so id be convincing myself here that this is the faith that is written for us so i have to go with the flow nalang. what else can i do naman diba? —i know i have fault here bc i somehow insulted your GF, but dili nako na mabuhat kung wala koy mali nakitan or reasons.

& if one of the reason why u blocked me bc nagselos or naay kalagot imo uyab nako, it's okey for me bc i don't mind. she can all have the rights to do that & i will let this past through and think we never met before. im tired of dramas & just keep ur explanation to your self nalang. thank you & goodbye.

may our path never cross again.

adios— wish you best for the two of you.

[bigcinnamonroll]

—

even myself can't express how i really feel towards a certain person— i mean, there are time that im not really showy and caring but i really do have some care for that person. i just don't know how to communicate with my feelings or express it man lang thats why some ppl tend to say that im manhid at all times but is actually not. i sometimes forget how to feel and often zone out cuz i feel stress at everything. when someone tries to open up about their personal problems, i don't even have anything to say—like i just want to stay silent and just listen..... i even get panic and struggles to find nice words that will make them feel better, i feel stupid and a useless freind HAHHAHAHA

[bigcinnamonroll]

the only one thing i want to happen is to have the opportunity to face you personally, i hope I'd get the chance to convers with u even just for a moment or kahit small interaction man lang. I'd be really pleased!

[bigcinnamonroll]

can u not look at me when im looking at u

[bigcinnamonroll]

i could be the most papansin person in this world when it comes to someone i like but if something goes wrong— i could literally ignore you & make u feel or question ur existence and worth. don't test me.

[bigcinnamonroll]

Hey bai,

It may sound cliche, but please allow me to express my feelings for you over the last several days or weeks. I don't know where to begin sa totou lang bc andaming talagang nangyari, but I have always found you to be a pretty fascinating person. I love the cool vibes you give off, and you definitely have my attention. I admire how you handle things in your own way, how you handle yourself without relying on others, the way you act and move, the way you tell jokes and get along with other people effortlessly, how you act as "bobordz" while still being able to look expensive— and the way you open up to me about your past makes me feel very unique. I feel like you have a huge trust on me & rest assure that everything you share with me will remain confidential. maybe this are the reasons why i started to like you or have a crush on you?? maybe bc i like the idea of you.

but anyway, you always can count on me to listen to you, so don't be hesitant to reach out to me if anything bothers you. im confessing through this bc i can't find any courage to tell you this in person. don't worry, di porket i have a crush on you doesn't means you have to like me back also. im not asking anything in return naman e kaya don't get pressure. i mean it's up to you nmn if u reject me or like me back diba? just let me have this thing i have for you til it fades.

my feelings are not yet deep, but i also don't have any plans to make this worst, I still want to keep being friends with you muna as I still want to learn more about you. I might end up destroying my wellbeing if I allow myself to fall in love with you. I can't afford to let someone else take advantage of me once more. I know you like someone else, and I won't be letting myself get fooled again for the nth time. feeling fades anyway, and it is what it is.

this is one of my favorite photos of us, and I kinda find it cute. It's my first time posting someone I like because it's really not my thing, but I guess this one person made me do it. I don't know what got into me, but I don't care haha! im writing this to clarify things specially my thoughts and feelings bc i know i don't stand a chance saimo but likewise... i won't ask anything in return.

i really appreciate you & akoa napud ning responsible akong feelings. hopefully you don't feel uncomy when im around ug everytime gina sungog tang duha that's why usahay dili ko mo dikit nimo sa seats. di ko gusto mo abot sa point mo avoid ka namo, gusto nako smooth lang ang dagan sa tanan. dili pod ko showy na tawo kay usually naga remain silent lang ko so yeah HAHAHHAHA

—

[bigcinnamonroll]

Good thing,

successfully moved on from u before 2022 ends !!! & it's a biggest achievement that i could get this yr-end cuz there's no way I'd be letting my ass be obsessed with the same person next year again— Advance Happy New Year!!! 🥂

may you heal from the traumas & pains no one apologize for. I'd still remain as ur freind u can call out for help anytime ☺️

[bigcinnamonroll]

Grabe,

I never expected it would be this painful & suffocating pala. Ever since uve met that person i started to become jealous & irritated sa lahat nang bagay, it feels really heavy kahit ndi naman talaga dapat. In fact, i should be happy for u since u're finally starting to like someone else again kahit hindi na ako. Pero i hate it. I hate to see you smiling na hindi ako ang dahilan... I mean, nagka gusto ka rin ba sa akin? Kahit kunti lang?

If not then pls stop flirting with me jokingly, naakoy attachment issues. Baka ako lang yung assumera dito, baka nag expect lang ako that u feel the same way tooo.

Grabe ang manghid kong tao sa iba specially sa mga taong nagkakagusto sa akin, but when it comes to ppl that i like— im the one who always suffer

Fr, i hate seeing u with someone else but at the same time i don't want you to stop fom things you find interesting and fun. I mean, you deserve to be love & valued. If that what truly makes you happy & forget ur problems then who am i to stop you? bakit naman kita pipigilan? Ayoko lang maging toxic.

Maybe i should take care of my feelings nalang, i was the one who fell here and responsibility ko itong nararamdaman ko. I'll deal with it on my own, i just need some space to collect my self muna.

I can no longer waste my time over a small & nonsense thing. I don't know, i feel like i want to distance myself from you muna if this would be that right thing to do for me para makalimutan ka. Let's not be close to each other muna for the mean time

Ayokong sayo lang umiikot mundo ko tapos ako pa rin ang magdudusa sa huli.