binachai

[binachai]

While there have been plenty of Jewish characters in film, usually the most “Jewish” thing about them is their last name: Cher Horowitz in Clueless, Jim Levenstein in American Pie, Frances Houseman in Dirty Dancing, etc. Their religion rarely factors into the movie itself.

That’s why it’s particularly noteworthy that Marshall — the upcoming film about Thurgood Marshall (Chadwick Boseman) defending Joseph Spell (Sterling K. Brown) from accusations he raped a rich white woman (Kate Hudson) in 1941 — not only features a central Jewish character, but that that character’s faith is a large part of the story.

In Marshall, attorney Samuel Friedman (Josh Gad) is shown attending temple services with his family, heard talking about the importance of his faith, and one scene even features a member of his congregation donating money to Spell’s defense.

For Gad, whose grandparents survived the Holocaust, the role is a source of pride — especially since he knows how rare characters like Friedman are in pop culture. “There’s a comment that’s sort of notorious in Hollywood, especially by creative people of Jewish background, where there’s a great fear that something might be ‘too Jewish’ for audiences,” Gad told BuzzFeed News. “I think one of the refreshing things about this film is it does embrace that very thing and to me, it was so important because it’s true. I mean, you don’t really get to see that.”

[binachai]

I was raised in a desert country Where the sun burns double and it seldom rains, So we drew our water from the meager trickle In the narrow places that became our chains.

Then a cry for rescue was heard in the wasteland, In the plain disguise of a restless stray, And this revelation at the edge of freedom: You have to lose your bearings to find your way.

“Yehudi Mind Tricks” by Benjamin Newman, a gorgeous Jewish interpretation of Luke’s narrative in Star Wars.  

Chords, lyrics, and mp3 are all available on Ben Newman’s website.

[binachai]

To be a Jew means to wake up and to keep your eyes open to the many beautiful, mysterious, and holy things that happen all around us every day.

Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

[binachai]

Mikvah Guide Training

Tonight I had the honor of the first of four two hour training sessions to be a mikvah guide. I love our community mikvah and what it offers to the community. I love each experience I have there - be it the dip for conversion, a rosh chodesh ritual, or dropping off donated items. I am so glad that I can give back both to the organization that brings me so much joy as well as to the greater Jewish community of my metro area. 

I get a particular sense of joy in that we are modeled off of another community mikvah from my home region. I also had a lovely surprise that one of the other guides in training is a rabbi from my beit din; especially since this rabbi in particular wanted to ensure I was thinking about and giving back to the greater community and not just that of my shul.

I am so glad for this opportunity. I hope that I can give the comfort, joy, compassion, empathy, confidentiality, strength, support, and so much more that those coming to dip need and/or want.

[binachai]

Yom Kippur fast

Last year I fasted. While fasting I even grocery shopped and made a fried onion egg salad for break the fast later. Honestly, fasting did not weaken me or put me in a different mindset. I had thought at that time that I wouldn’t fast again, because if it did not achieve the desired/expected mental and physical state, what is the point?

But I did it again this year. And as fate would have it, it was... different. 

Different because for various reasons the week leading up to the fast I was skipping meals and eating smaller meals. (Serious, there was no planning to that.) I did wake hungry, but by noon I was in a zen state. I easily could have gone longer.

In the afternoon between service and Neilah I made chili for a work event this week. The smell was amazing, but it didn’t tempt me to eat. No, I did not even taste it for seasoning - I knew by my nose it was good. 

When I got to my friends’ house for break the fast, I went around to greet everyone and sat and talked for a bit... then realized I should eat something. First thing I got was coke for the sugar. Then a small plate of blintz and kugel. I also had some amazing chocolate cake. 

The plan had been to go there first, then go to another party. Sadly, after being at my friends for an hour and ready to leave, I learned the other party was shutting down early. So instead I just went home, rather than go back to the original event.

My body was NOT happy with me for eating. 

So today has been a slow ramping up of eating. Small breakfast. It’s nearing dinner time and I suppose I should eat.

Again, I wonder if this is a situation that rabbis would say that it is not beneficial to fast. Or is it just because I’m not young any more? :P Though, the older folks didn’t seem to have any issues. :P I have a feeling it make take me a few days to get back to “normal” levels of eating. 

[binachai]

I’m that jew who sobbed throughout the entire Kol Nidre service

“O Source of Mercy, give us the grace to show forbearance to those who offend against us. When the wrongs and injustices of others wound us, may our hearts not despair of human good. May no trial however severe embitter our souls and destroy our trust. When beset by trouble and sorrow, our mothers and fathers put on the armor of faith and fortitude. May we too find strength to meet adversity with quiet courage and unshaken will.”

[binachai]

Why the High Holy Days can be difficult for people with trauma

This is from my understanding as a layperson (not a rabbi or a mental health professional) based on knowing people. For context, it was inspired by this lovely post that all y’all should read if you are or know someone healing from trauma. Feel free to add to or critique what I say here.

1.) Memory is painful:

This is a season of remembrance and reflection, and for folks who have experienced a trauma, memory can be painful. Thinking about the past or even just being exposed to a tiny trigger of a situation (i.e. scent of an abuser’s cologne) can set an anxiety attack or flashback into motion.

2.) Feelings of guilt over the trauma: 

A lot of folks who’ve experienced trauma, especially interpersonal (i.e. rape, abusive relationship) get blamed for the event(s) even though it wasn’t their fault. When we talk about taking responsibility for our actions in this season, it can be tough for this lingering doubt of responsibility not to resurface. 

3.) What doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger:

The effects of trauma can stop someone from being the person they’d like to be. Maybe they have become emotionally distant so they can’t be as supportive of friends and loved ones as they’d like to be. Or perhaps they’ve become more snappy, or lash out at others when they’re upset. In that case, they do need to work on these issues, but it’s more complex of a process than conversations about teshuva typically acknowledge. 

Because pain from the trauma is the cause of their chet (sin/misstep), healing from the trauma and finding healthier ways to cope are what will make them a better person, not blood, sweat and tears of trying to forge through and just “be better.” Their teshuva must include patience and come from a place of self-compassion over self-blame. This perspective can be beneficial for everyone but is especially necessary in their cases.

Resources for those who have experienced trauma and for understanding your loved one who’s experienced trauma:

Basics of trauma and PTSD (My Jewish Learning)

Advice for people with trauma or PTSD; Advice for how to help a loved one with trauma or PTSD (My Jewish Learning)

Reform Perspective on Mental Illness and Yom Kippur (Coffee Shop Rabbi) Also see her Teshuva 101

Chabad/Orthodox: A Torah Approach to Anxiety (Chabad’s The Jewish Woman)

[binachai]

The Jewish religion is an ethical religion. That is , we are taught to do right, to love mercy, do justice, not because there’s gonna be any reward in heaven or punishment in hell. We live righteously because that’s how people should live and not anticipating any reward in the hereafter.

Justice Ruth Ginsberg

[binachai]

Maslow’s Hierarchy Teshuva Style

This time of year, (Elul, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur), Jewish communities stress the importance of teshuva, which is translated as repentance or return and generally understood as apologizing to Hashem and to other people for any mistakes made over the past year.

If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when? - Hillel, Pirkei Avot

But for anyone struggling with safety, mental health, abuse, trauma, or a variety of other things, the task of apologizing to Hashem and other people for your mistakes over the year is just not possible. You are important. Your struggles are valid and an important part of teshuva. You might not be doing the same teshuva as a lot of your community, but you are doing teshuva. You are working hard on yourself, work that is difficult and not to be underestimated. And it is work that must be done before you can approach the rest of the pyramid. Maybe in a few years you’ll be able to approach the high holiday season the same way as what can look like most other people are. 

Thank you to those who I talked this idea through with.

[binachai]

On Erev Rosh Hashanah I was given an aliyah to open/close the ark (after the sermon.) I didn’t expect much. Open door, stand there for a bit, close door. 

I heard from a friend they also were doing the same and they were told that a ton of people would be up there. So I figured I wouldn’t even get a chance to touch the ark at all. *shrugs*

Nope. 

It was just me and a friend. 

There was something... truly awesome (both in the original meaning of the word and in “cool” factor) about the experience. Because it was after the sermon I was up there for a long time. I got to sing songs, chant aleinu, do responsive prayers up there in front of a full shul, with the Cantor, Rabbi, and my friend. There really was a movement of something powerful and moving inside. I nearly had tears at how moving and beautiful it was.

I also was really proud that I could do most of it from memory without the prayer book. My friend (is Jewish by birth but didn’t grow up religious) wasn’t as comfortable. 

When I walked back to my seat afterwards I was floating on cloud nine. It was really great seeing my friends and ‘family’ smile proudly at me as I passed them or their mentioning it at oneg after. 

It’s funny, as a convert I have literally spent decades of my life searching for an unknown something. And here I’ve found it, many times over. Feeling that great connection with my community, with God. A feeling of belonging, of love. 

[binachai]

welp

I just ran Adon Olam thru an internet widget that translates whatever you say into “Pirate Speak” and it spat out this gem:

“That ornery cuss were bein’ acknowledged as King.”

[binachai]

Generosa (Generous), 2013 - Luciano Ventrone (b. 1942) oil on linen  |  source:

[binachai]

In 1941, Manfred Lewin (left), a young Jewish man living in Nazi Berlin, made a small book of poems and pictures. He gave this book to his boyfriend, Gad Beck (right), as they waited out an air raid together.

Today, The United States Holocaust Memorial Museum has a beautiful online exhibit where you can view this book in its entirety, along with translations and additional information. It’s a wonderful little piece of queer history, and I encourage you all to check it out here.

[binachai]

[binachai]

HHD Aliyah

The mail today had a lovely surprise. I’m being invited to open/close the Ark for Erev Rosh HaShanah. 

Considering I’m still in the beginner Hebrew class, it’s one of the few I could be given.

I am... really chuffed at this. But sadly, based on the shul politics and stuff going on recently, I have to wonder if there are strings attached. :(

I’m going to try to focus on the honor of this. 

[binachai]

Being a board member for my shul has been a lot more work and emotion than I realized going into it. It is clear that either the role I’m in is not a good fit for me, or that being a board member is not something I am cut out for. I am disappointed in myself. :(

On the plus side, the board Pres is a great cheer leader for me. And everyone has loved the energy I have brought to things and the events I have planned/run have been smashing successes. 

[binachai]

1) converts aren’t obligated to reveal that they converted and asking them is against halacha (only in specific situations is this info necessary. guarantee seeing someone posting on tumblr or at shul is not one of them)

2) if you find out someone is a convert, you should act like you don’t know/treat them the same as you would every other jew (because that’s what they are)

3) if you do know someone is a convert: don’t ask them how, where, when, why they converted because it’s against halacha

4) don’t reveal someone’s convert status to others; it is against halacha

and i really can’t believe i have to write this, but:

5) converts who have gone through the conversion process aren’t goyim.

eta: also questioning someone on their jewishness is just plain rude