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The DJ

Shalom Blogger,

           I went to college with the intention of studying accounting. My dad runs an accounting firm for our local Jewish community and so did three generations of our family before him, so he wanted me to take his spot in the family business when he retires. I never really considered other options before coming to school because accounting was what was drilled into my head. Now that I’m at college, I’ve discovered a new passion; I am an incredible DJ. People love my DJing, I am hired for tons of parties and my career is taking off very quickly. Because of my new-found passion and talent, I want to major in music instead. I know I would be betraying my dad and he would be terribly disappointed if I broke away from the family tradition but I can’t help but constantly dream of tearing away. Now that I am grown up, this is my choice, and I’m just not sure which way to go. Is it worth devastating my father to follow my passion?

 With much despair,

A Dreaming DJ

 Answer: You have two very different paths you could follow: one of tradition and one of modern passion. Because of your obvious love of your father, it will be hard to tear away from his wishes but because of your own passions, you may live miserably if you leave DJing aside. I have two key recommendations for you. Firstly, speak honestly with your father to gauge where he falls on the matter; you may be surprised by his reaction and you may be able to reason with him about your dreams. Secondly, I recommend you watch the two versions of the film The Jazz Singer as well as The Cantor’s Son to visualize similar conflicts and connect them with your own. I cannot make this decision for you, but I believe my suggestions will lead you along the right path. Best of luck.

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BDS

Dearest Blogger,

           I come to you with a dire and urgent issue. I am a freshman in college and a very passionate Jew and Zionist. I did not know this going into school, but I have recently discovered there is a very prominent and intense BDS movement on campus and undeniable undertones of anti-Semitism. I have listened to a lot of what they say and I know a lot of the advertised information and perception of things is not accurate. I have been raised with the principle that I can’t sit idly by when such hatred is happening against our people. I know it’s important to stand up for my values, but I have no idea how to approach this scenario. I am so small and powerless compared to this big movement at my school. Even more gravely, I fear countering them could possibly jeopardize my safety. I have no idea what to do. Do I just bite my tongue and ignore it? Try to do something? Go to the extreme of transferring? Please reply as soon as possible.

With Urgency,

One Against Many

 Answer: I am so sorry you face this situation. BDS on college campuses is unfortunately very common and violent in recent years, and has you have addressed, many blindly follow the movement due to misinformation. It is very hard to decide how to go about countering the movement without further detail on the level of safety or severity involved, but I have reached out to you directly to speak in more detail. Overall it is very respectable that you are so motivated to stand up for your values. That being said, safety is essential, so it is recommended you rally a group of people from the community who feel the same way you do, along with figures from movements like Hillel or Chabad on campus so that you don’t stand alone against this crowd. For even more impact, employ the outlet of social media to inform people about what is happening on your campus and rally the support of a wider community. If you take this approach and still feel genuinely uncomfortable or unsafe on campus, there is a lot more to discuss. We will be in further contact regarding the issue.

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Chabad Crashers

Hey Blogger,

           I’m not really the type to barge into other people’s business, but I feel the need to approach you with my most recent predicament. I attend Chabad every week for Shabbat. I may not be the most observant of the Jews on campus, but it’s a nice way to connect with my fellow Jews and celebrate Shabbat in my own small way even if I’m not Shomer Shabbat. I think a lot of the other kids feel the same way about it, but recently a new crowd has started coming each week in addition the usual weekly Chabad-goers. They’re not Jewish, which would be fine if they’re interested in learning more about Jewish life and culture but I don’t really think they are. One of the girl’s ran into me on Saturday and said, “Oh hey! I saw you at that Chihuahua thingy yesterday” and openly admitted her and her friends go to the dinner solely for the purpose of a free meal. The Chabad would never turn them away and obviously it’s not my place to do so either, but I do feel like they’re really disrespecting something that is special and valuable to a lot of people. Do I confront them? Maybe just simply talk to them? Or do I just leave it be? I’m so conflicted

Best,

A Conflicted Chabad-goer

 Answer: Oh goodness! This is a hard call. Chabad is supposed to be a warm and welcoming environment to anybody who wants to go for the experience. It is a great example of a community that shows a lot of love on campus. That being said, if you take offense to their actions or find they disrespect you personally or the Jewish community as a whole, take it as an opportunity to kindly explain and educate them on what they are attending. Maybe they did not go in with the intention of learning about Judaism, but it cannot hurt for them to see how friendly and vibrant the Jewish community is and have an immersive experience there. They can go in for food, but they’ll inevitably leave with a little gem of Jewish knowledge. Best of luck.

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Clashing with Christianity

Hi my blogger friend,

I go to a very Southern school, where there is a huge Christian population. There are practically 3 Jews, including myself. Recently I went through a big breakup and as much as simple words of advice and encouragement can be helpful, I’m still in a funk, so a lot of my friends here have been encouraging me to go to Christian bible studies on campus to get advice and guidance. Given my circumstances, I’m really tempted to go because it seems to be the best option right now but I’m worried it’s a betrayal of my Judaism. Obviously if there were more prominent Jewish resources on campus I would seek their help, but it’s not really an option for me. Is it a bad thing to go?

Please reply soon,

Lone Jewish Girl

 Answer: While attending a Christian bible study is obviously not ideal for somebody of the Jewish faith, if it is your only resource or option, it is not wrong to seek the help from that community if they are willing to accept you and take you in. You can learn about their beliefs without giving up your own. If you give it a try and it genuinely makes you uncomfortable, reach out to people from your Jewish community at home, like your local Rabbi, for a similar type of guidance from the Jewish community. With Skype, phone calls, and even text as very easy options, you can reach way further than your school’s community for advice if you need it. I encourage you to write back if you need further guidance or advice on the topic.

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Independence

Dear Blogger,

           I’m in this really cool program called Maimonides, which is a Jewish Leadership program run by MEOR. I signed up with four other friends and we’ve been going to the weekly lectures together this whole month. Part of the program is going on a Shabbaton, where you go into the orthodox community near our school for a Shabbat and they welcome you into their world by going to meals with different families and even sleeping in their homes. I thought it was really fun to be immersed in their world because they were so friendly and welcoming, but my four other friends did not enjoy the experience and Ubered back to campus before the Shabbaton even ended. They quit Maimonides and I’m really scared to continue doing it without them because all of the other kids already have their own friends and I will feel really alone and insecure without them. On the other hand, I still really love the program and find it super interesting. Is it wrong to quit just because my other friends quit?

With angst,

A Ditched-and-Conflicted Friend

 Answer: Your friends made their decision based on a genuine disconnect. Not everybody agrees with the orthodox way of life and you have to respect that some people may not want to be a part of that world. At the same time, it is so respectable and amazing that you stuck with something you were passionate about, despite what your friends did. That is a principle you should continue to live by. You should stay in the program, grow from it and use it as a chance to be bold and make new friends. Enjoy it!

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Shabbat

Esteemed Blogger,

           I spent my whole life surrounded by people who observe Judaism just like I do. I went to a Jewish Day school and lived in a predominantly modern orthodox community. In both of these worlds, everybody kept Shabbat. Despite my addiction to my phone, it was really easy to shut down my phone and social life for Shabbat because that was simply what everybody around me did. There was no temptation to do otherwise. When I left home to go to college this fall, I assured my parents with confidence I would keep observing it when I got to school. In concept, this sounded easy but in reality, it is really difficult. The first week of school I went to Chabad with some of the other Jewish kids I had met and the large crowd that was there for dinner led me to believe a lot of the other kids there would also be Shomer Shabbat. Much to my surprise, as soon as we left the Chabad dinner, people were immediately on their phones scrolling through social media, checking their emails and texting to coordinate plans for the evening. Even some of other modern orthodox kids told me they decided it would be too hard to be Shomer for their four years at school, so they decided not to keep and were also texting and willing to jump in cars and watch TV. I ended up finding approximately four other kids who keep Shabbat and have a handful of other friends who will play board games with me for a couple hours some Friday nights, but I’m getting bored of this tiny crowd and I’m starting to feel like I’m missing out on a huge part of my college experience. I resent Shabbat every week because I just associate it with missing out on things. I’m so tempted to give up on being Shomer Shabbat. Is it worth keeping Shabbat if I resent it so much? Is it wrong of me to abandon my values? I’m so torn about what to do.

With thanks,

A Resentful Shabbat-Keeper

 Answer: Hey! I can imagine it must be hard to be Shomer in college when everybody else around you is not observing like you do. It definitely makes it even harder that they are doing lots of fun things while you are observing. Since you’ve observed Shabbat your whole life, you have to put a lot of thought into this decision. Tradition and maintenance of values is important, no matter what is going on around you, so don’t lose sight of this. However, if the holy and special practice of observing Shabbat is something you’ve come to resent and despise doing, you have to thoroughly consider the idea of modernizing your observation and possibly adjusting to a more relaxed practice. If anything, you should at least consider doing this during your college years, so you don’t miss out. I know you’re looking for an answer from me, and I haven’t really given you one, but this decision is extremely personal and you have to evaluate what is right for you. Best of luck.