bisonomy

[bisonomy]

right so last week @mothinthegutter asked me how my washing machine tried to murder me, so here we go.

scene: it's 2022. my ex and I have just moved into our new house. we brought our washing machine with us, and I've just finished hooking it up. I haven't pushed it all the way in under the counter yet, because I want to make sure none of the plumbing is leaking. so I put some clothes in and start a wash. a few minutes later I'm squeezing past it to get to the coffee maker, and I put my hand down on the top of the washing machine and hey, ow, what the fuck

now, I've been electrocuted enough times to know it when it's happening. I grab my multimeter and sure enough the entire outer casing of the washing machine is live with 120 volts. okay so maybe I won't touch that.

except, here's another thing I wasn't counting on: the load in the machine is also unbalanced. and the spin cycle is about to start.

oh, and the only way out of the kitchen is on the other side of the thing.

so now, I am trapped in a corner with an electrified washing machine vibrating slowly in my direction.

panic sets in. definitely the weirdest kind of panic I've ever felt. also the realisation that, if this is how I die, no one will be surprised. I consider my options carefully and decide the only way out is to parkour over the counters. given that I have no parkour skills whatsoever, this ends up looking more like lying prone on the counter, belly sliding around the corner, and then falling onto the floor on my face.

I'm alive. I'm free. I call the washing machine manufacturer and report the weirdest problem their repair team has ever heard of.

[bisonomy]

PEDRO PASCAL & CHRIS EVANS Materialists | Guess the Romance Movie Line 

+ meanwhile Dakota Johnson

[bisonomy]

The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)

[bisonomy]

[bisonomy]

things designed to become more beautiful with wear>>>>

[bisonomy]

[bisonomy]

The Addams Family (1991) dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

[bisonomy]

What? I’m singing a duet with my inner child.

[bisonomy]

Hilda by Duane Bryers

[bisonomy]

[bisonomy]

yoooo theyre playing my fucking leitmotif in here this party rules (hearing it change to minor key) Oh Shit. Oh Fuck

[bisonomy]

girl help! the popular fanon interpretation of my favorite character is stupid as fuck

[bisonomy]

[bisonomy]

Chris Dijk

[bisonomy]

Dr Glass: male loneliness epidemic - embarrassing, all the things they think women want are what MEN want. I bet those losers are all going to the GYM. If they actually wanted friendship, or fitness that appeals to girls, they’d be taking riding lessons -

Me: is this about the -

Dr Glass: five. Five women at that barn who would’ve had me! Who almost had me! I was fighting for my life! Women are not secretive, you know! They’re all quite clear about where they go and what they do. They want men who read, and have a bum in jodhpurs. And men - men are all going to the gym! To do WHAT! To lift weights by themselves with other single men with headphones on. What are you learning from them? How to be more single! Meanwhile the women are paying to go to bookshop wine nights and fancy dress balls by THEMSELVES. The men are just doing exactly what they want and pretending it’s for women. RIDE A HORSE



( I guess he just wanted to share that.)

[bisonomy]

N.C. Wyeth The Phoenician Biremes Sketch for a mural  1923. Oil on canvas board 21 by 15 in. 

[bisonomy]

the t from james t kirk and the t from william t riker both stand for 'turned on'