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12:27 A.M. / 11.7.18

Hello void,

Tech week for Wizard of Oz is this week. 6-11PM days until we open on Saturday hooray. Still gotta learn my lines. Yikes.

Can’t believe it’s almost 2019. Where did the year go. Help.

Being grateful for one thing at a time.

Being grateful for one thing at a time.

Being grateful for one thing at a time.

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12:33 AM / 10.31.18

Happy Halloween!

even thiiiiiissss, even noooowwww

even as the walls come tumbliiinnng do-o-ownn

even as I can’t stop remEEEEEHHHmbering howwww

every door we ever maaade, we never once walked outttt.

What I think my brain visualizes when I try to sing things properly LOL

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12:58 AM / 10.30.18

LOOOLLLL

Tumblr’s like a hometown. Life always brings you back to the deep dark depths of the interwebs where your social media literacy was born.

The amalgamation of thoughts during this time um...

Idk why my cats feel the need to sit on my belongings. It’s cute and instinctual but also inconvenient. Also, save that shit for when I’m cold at night; come sleep on my blanket then.

Max Seijas: “’Best revenge is your paper’ -Beyoncé” -> a response to a conversation we were having. If you only knew what it was about, it was probably the best response. Enough for me to remember at 1:05 AM on a Monday night/Tuesday morning.

Taking pride in who you are is different than vanity. That pride leads to the number of people who trust you, believe in you, want to be with you, etc. The vanity is what leads to the unnecessary obsession with the self. But because vanity can still produce the former, it is v hard to tell the difference. I’d like to think, and hope, I reside in Camp Former.

Does writing late at night help exercise your brain? Should I be actually working out instead? TBH yah, dance calls kill me nowadays.

Home - The Wiz

Hope no one still reads these!

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this is a waste of bread LOL @___@

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Inspirational pokemon photos.

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s/o to the people who always got prayer on der minds for they have chosen the better portion in this life. you encourage me. and believe me, ya’ll are doing well.

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HAHAHHAH OH NO

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this real good

What advice would you give to Christians who are losing their faith, and having doubt?

Dear friend, I would say this is an incredibly good thing. Here are some posts I’ve written on that before, which you may browse or skip altogether:

- A Faith Crisis: Crushed By Doubt, Questions, and Disconnection (And Some Good News)

- “How Do You Keep Believing In All This Faith S—t?”

- How Do You Defend Your Faith?

I’m an impossibly skeptical person. I doubt God almost every single day. It takes a lot of empirical evidence and absolute tangible proof to convince me of anything. This has forced me into a clumsy kind of limbo where I’m always questioning and wandering through faith. It’s still hard. But I’m getting more used to the idea that questions are good, and we need to ask them, and they help us to land on better ground when we’ve stripped away what doesn’t work. Faith is a block of marble that needs continual sculpting, until we find David in all his naked glory.

I get worried when a Christian doesn’t doubt. I worry that when suffering comes, they’ll be so unfamiliar with uncertainty that they’ll throw a middle finger at God and drown in despair. I worry that when someone questions the basics of their faith, those questions will uppercut them in the stomach so hard that they’ll fall into spiritual nausea. I worry that when a Christian has too much certainty, they begin to weaponize the “truth” as “My Right Doctrine” and become too self-assured about their political stance or who’s going to hell or say things like, “Yeah they’ll come around to my point of view.”

My friend, I hate uncertainty. I know the dizzying disorientation of wondering, “Is this all a lie?” But doubt gets us to dig our foundations. It’s like finding another basement of riches in your house. And another. It’s also absolutely painful and debilitating. It’s the cost we pay to investigate what the human story is all about, and some don’t survive the basement digging. Those who do are dirty and grimy – but with bent back fingernails, they’re ever more satisfied.

I sometimes binge-read atheism blogs. I was an atheist before, and I remember the familiar contours of “freedom from religion.” It’s like calling an old ex-girlfriend. And contrary to the church’s opinion, not all atheists are baby-eating heathens. There are many wonderful, lovely, beautiful atheists. I read their blogs because they have so much profound wisdom – and also because I need to go in the places I fear, that I might understand myself and to truly challenge what I believe. It’s hard. It’s also necessary.

Here’s one suggestion. I believe ultimately that the Christian faith has intellectually accommodating answers that account for the reality in which we live. There’s no shortage of them. But for most Christians (and irreligious people), the tough part is finding out how faith integrates in our daily lives, amidst hospital bills and grief and failure and parenting and art and intimacy. This is where faith begins to feel irrelevant. So really, rather than trying to crack at Christianity through the academic lens, it might help to know why the Christian faith is existentially rich. I’ve found that it is.

— J.S.

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best ever

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[2015]

If there’s anything that I’ve learned in the past 3 and a half years, it’s that you’ll never see how much you’ve grown by always trying to look forward (gotta look back~ *cheesy af*). But forreal, that’s 101% true.

One of my really good friends from high school talked to me on the phone one day during my Junior year, for some random reason that I don’t recall, and we got to the topic concerning the Christian walk and he said these words: “but you know what they say, ‘you never know how much you’ve grown until you look back.’” The words he said engraved themselves somewhere in my cognitive system and now I can never look at growth, in any sense of the word, the same way.

Yes, it will hurt; looking back will hurt because 1) you may be disappointed in what you see and 2) you may relive past hurts. For point 1, whether it’s how much growth you’ve quantified with your own judgement or the type of growth you see, just know that growth is growth and that is something someone should never be disappointed about. For point 2, growth is impossible without making mistakes, stumbling in order to get the footing right, making a couple batches until it’s perfect, yatta yatta yatta. It is going to hurt looking back at some of the rough patches in life, but ya know what, the fact that you still grew out of that is a sign of God’s redemptive power in you (and that’s something to be wow about). There’s no doubt you’d be surprised with who you’ve become by simply looking back.

Second most important thing I’ve learned: “if you find one true friend, then you’re lucky.” As humans, as sinners, our tendency is to run and hide. We like to fool people with illustrious images of who we think we are. Showing off our generosity, our feigned humility, kindness, patience, etc. when really at the end of the day, we’re just like everyone else who falls short of the glory of God. We don’t like to give, we don’t like to be patient, and we revel in knowing that we’re better that somebody else at something. [and a big etc. about human nature]

All this to show that we need God to help us out with our character. Equally important, we need some Holy frkn Spirit to walk with us, to help us with life because by all means we make everything worse without Him. And right under that bar of importance: friends.

Friends who don’t run and hide when they see who you really are as a sinner. Friends who acknowledge their wickedness, yet persevere to encourage you, regardless of merit. Friends who do Proverbs 27:5-6. Friends who know they can never be a friend to you on their own strength. I’m thankful for the handful of true friends God has shoved into my life. F4, Jkim, eunjinz, BP, aIM, Elizabeth, soob. Thank you and I love you.

And, of course, the third most important thing I’ve learned is that student loan debt greatly exceeds credit card debt, on average, so I best be paying off my loans asap (thanks but no thanks UGBA 196).

In any case, first day of work tomorrow so I gotta sleep early to get a seat on the BART tmrw. But chances are muy slim.

Also, hello tumblr, again; you’re funny, as always.

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HAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

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first I was afraid

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Key: D

V: What once ran deep now runs dry

I'm left unsatisfied

All my fears, alive.

My daily bread, not once I read

To find Your strength and might

Now, where is my life?

C: All my hope is in You

All my trust is in You

All my love is in You, my God, my Saviour

All my life is in You

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I used to not go out of my way for Mexican food. I don’t know why. But now, all I’m thinking about these days are Al Pastor tacos, chorizo, and crispy fish tacos and I don’t know why. What’s going on with me. I want Mexican food.

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cont [mozilla work week 2015]

I was elated about possibly seeing the Aurora Borealis after the end of a 45 minute hike that started at about 12:45 AM today (yes, it’s 3:11 AM as I’m typing this and will probably post later). After doing research about when its peak hours were, where you could see it around Whistler and Canada, etc., I made up my mind to just #yolo.

As we made our way through the village and into the forest (there are bears everywhere here so I was scared. like, very much scared) where flashlights were an utter necessity, I was sort of praying to God, “God plzzzz I just wanna see it,” you know, hoping He would make sure it happened. However, He saw past the bullcrap and read my heart for what it really wanted: “God, I’ve been having a tough time just personally, mentally, emotionally, even though You’ve been evident in the physical lately. You’ve provided me a great job, a great week in a beautiful country getting to know and bond with people, and an endless list of more things I can think of. But, I’ve just been lazy keeping up with our relationship and I’ve been distracting myself with all these ‘things,’ that I’ve lost all motivation to get back on track and I hope that You’ll still take me back (even though my mind knows that you 110% will). Please show me the northern lights so I at least you know you’re hearing me and caring for me.”

[Come to think of it now, wow what a selfish beezy move.]

We reach our pitch-dark destination aka dock on a lake facing “Rainbow Mountain” and, as expected, no lights. Just a bunch of stars, and by bunch I mean 250% the amount of stars we see in the polluted skies of Southern California. A little bit sad, I just looked at the stars and still thanked Him for keeping us safe from freaking bears. A group of about 20 of us just conversed about the constellations, what they thought about the galaxy, hand-waved where the milky way was in the sky, even talked about what Canadians do better than us. It was a good, solid time of just... creating memories--and I loved it.

The group decided on a minute of silence to watch the stars, lying down on the dock. The galaxies occupied my vision as I thanked God that even though I was not who I wanted to be for Him, He still blesses me, He still shows me what love is through my life.

Then, the most brilliant, clear, 0.5 second-lasting shooting star came out of the upper left part of the sky (just above that ursa major constellation hohoho learned where that was). Half the group gasped while the other half didn’t notice it (LOL), and that’s when I got the hint that God was trying to tell me, “I don’t need to put on a fancy show to get you to know that I am still right here.” Almost moved to tears, I responded with, “You probably just moved a finger to get that to happen, huh.”

Well, thanks God for not only reminding me that You’re here, but for providing my first (and apparently one of the clearest) shooting star sighting.

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AGGAHHAHAAHHA

2008 was a better time…