bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

sometimes i feel ive got to

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

how it feels to be on your period

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

“you should be at the club” i should be by the sea. i should be in the mountains. i should be awestruck and rendered speechless by the majesty of the natural world. if you even care

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

Oh for fuck’s sake, people calling out racist writing in fanfic isn’t “censorship”. I say this as a fic writer but some of you need to get off your high fucking horse.

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

everyone should receive even just a mild, wikipedia article level education on homosociality. internalizing the most basic awareness of the concept and its role in upholding patriarchy instantly lifts the blinders from your eyes and makes it so that you'll never fall for queerbaiting in like a CW show again

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

*beats my meat to the porn game I'm playing but strokes my chin pensively to properly acknowledge that the character writing and worldbuilding are genuinely fascinating*

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

A software tester walks into a bar

Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a bear. Orders -1 beers. Orders hdtseatfibkd.

First real customer walks into a bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames killing everyone inside.

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

"30 years old isn't old man" what privilege do you live in where your life expectancy is far past 30 years

This post blindsided me so bad I spent a full minute staring at it in shock

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

not naming names but some of you are genuinely really good people and i hope that you get everything your heart wants and needs

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

The mussel mommy I’ve been trying to hit up: When I was a youngster this stream had never been dammed before! Am I happy that after 50 years brown trout like you can once again incubate my babies :)

Me [heard “incubate my babies” and got so hard I feel nauseous]: I think I hauve glochidia

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

israelis trying to get an american's sympathy: imagine a sad burger

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

she is 9 pounds

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

sometimes when a kitty is sunbathing you can just kiss the little furs. and it smells like freshly baked cat. it's true, I saw it happen

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

I just can’t believe some of u are soooo young u didn’t experience the early 2000s at all like even briefly . U were born and ur mother door dashed you home from the hospital

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

nature doc narrator just described a snake's failed hunt as 'leaving empty handed' and that just makes me laugh like dawg of all the metaphors. why that one.

[bl00dy-v4mp1re-d1ck]

pet peeve when people act like the only reason studios like disney keep gay rep to a minimum is so they can 'edit it out for the chinese broadcast' like ok sure grandpa its the commies fault again. do you think china is the only place where homophobia still exists or