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[blackjackkent]

Reblog if you’re over 20 and still read/write fan fiction.

I’m curious!

[blackjackkent]

[blackjackkent]

Me: Oh my god why is my character not moving. Is my game broken? Is my keyboard broken? What is going on??

MMO Game:

[blackjackkent]

Clearing out a bit more lingering stuff on the base wilderness map that didn't seem to have any particular character significance for Rakha. Probably taking her off to the Underdark on Thursday.

Cleared out loot in the basement of the tollhouse.

Ran across Rugan and Olly, saved them from the gnolls, and got directions to the Zhent hideout. (Wyll got the conversation with Rugan coming out of the combat, presumably because Rakha was too busy coming down from the blood high; he was able to clock that they were Zhents and also pointedly did not pick a fight with them. Rakha doesn't overly like them much, but she also doesn't overly like anyone much, and she and the Urge were sated enough by all the dead gnolls that she let Wyll drive the conversation.)

Swung back to Waukeen's Rest to check out the hideout in question. Rakha had the passphrase from Rugan, but the guard pulled a fireball on her and was ready to attack and the beast woke up and went into fight mode. The scene plays out in a way that indicates the moment of hesitation wrestling the Urge back down was long enough for the Zhent fellow to attack first - nearly blew Rakha and himself up, and then Rakha killed him before she'd consciously realized what was happening. Guessing nobody was particularly pleased about this turn of events (including Rakha herself, who doesn't mind killing but doesn't like when the beast urge takes the choice away from her).

The Zhents in the basement were apparently not aware of what happened upstairs as they still addressed Rakha the same as usual. Zarys was pissed off that Rugan gave the location of the base, but was civil enough to Rakha herself and gave her some money and a crossbow for having saved one of her people. (Kind of a pity we're not in the scenario where Zarys asks you to kill Rugan - I think that happens when you've taken the shipment - bc Rakha would be really good at that instruction.)

Rakha is very intrigued about the fact the Zhent are about to blow their base up and is quietly bummed they can't stay to watch the fireworks.

Rakha does not give a single solitary shit about Oskar's imprisonment with the Zhentarim and forced painting labor. She was very baffled by his request that she "buy him", and even more baffled by how flustered he got when she asked why he was "selling himself." (Wyll, I assume, explains the double entendre later, but Rakha meant it as a completely serious question.)

Oskar then proceeds to not explain himself in a practical way whatsoever, so Rakha just shrugs and goes to trade with the Zhent and then wanders away. (I don't really care about Oskar's questline so we'll just use this as an opportunity to see what if anything happens with him when we get to act 3. :P )

Had Rakha make use of her single level in Wizard to learn everything she could from the spells she's currently carrying. She's sitting on quite a bit of utility now which is nice. I've also cautiously un-cheesed everyone's equipment for the time being, since we're no longer underleveled, but we'll see how it goes. :P

Also cleared out the ruins area way back at the beach, which I realized I'd never gone through. Rakha got a very interesting dialogue option with the looters there which I assume is Dark Urge-specific:

I looked in the parsed dialogue files and this is a Dark Urge line but not, interestingly, dependent on having seen Alfira's fate; however, Rakha in saying it is DEFINITELY referring to what happened to Alfira. The "I don't want to hurt you" is also interesting. (There's also an alternative non-check Durge line, "I am not competition, I am annihilation." I guess these are kind of set up to be resist vs accept?) Anyway, Rakha passed the check (DC5), Wyll and Shadowheart both approved, and the bandits scarpered.

The other bandits further inside picked a fight without Rakha even having to ask for one. They also helpfully grouped up and Rakha wrecked everyone's face off with a single Cloud of Daggers.

Entering the crypt area, Rakha commented, "This whole place reeks of necromancy," which is not really interesting but is a bit surprising because I don't think any of my Tavs said it. According to the parsed files it's a wizard-specific comment (the only class that has specific dialogue in the area), but I kind of like it for Rakha's sorcerer side, as she's so attuned to the presence and behavior of magic around her.

Kind of funny hitting the place where we would normally meet Withers for the first time and not finding Withers there. :P

And I think that covers everything left on the Wilderness map of any importance! (Let me know if you think I missed anything.)

Off to the Underdark on Thursday!

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Working through Rakha's playthrough has had me thinking a lot about the Dark Urge as it relates to the other companion backgrounds.

Initially I was sort of surprised that everyone seems so fundamentally chill about learning that Durge has these dark compulsions, murder urges, bloodlust, etc. But the more I've thought about it and written about it, the more I've seen Rakha finding points of connection and points to relate to pretty much everyone she's traveling with.

I feel like I'm probably not the first person to comment on this, but nevertheless...

Karlach, good-natured as she is, becomes a violent juggernaut when she goes into a rage - not just a barbarian mechanic thing, as we see when she hulks out and tears apart the tollhouse after Anders' death. She's not completely out of control, but it's also not dissimilar from Durge going off the rails.

Astarion is driven by a lust for blood that is entirely disconnected from him as himself; he can struggle to resist it or channel it into productive avenues but it never leaves him entirely.

Shadowheart serves a power of darkness and is tormented by it even as she forms her identity around it. Based on her dialogue in the cutscene and after, there's reason to believe she doesn't really want to kill Lae'zel when she puts a knife to her throat - but she's driven by Shar, a dark force outside herself, to go to these extremes of violence even if she doesn't want to.

Wyll has lost control of his own life completely and left behind everything that he knew when Mizora took control of him. Like Durge, he has the choice to take the powers afforded him and use them in a positive direction, but he is not in control of them, and like Durge, he is cut off from everything he used to be and has had to build a new identity from scratch.

Lae'zel, similarly, is isolated from any familiar points of reference and making her way through a world that often makes no sense. She also is steeped in violence; from the beginning, she describes Durge's bloodlust as completely understandable and is only concerned about it being directed towards the right enemies.

Gale carries the force of the orb inside himself, another dark force that is beyond his control and nevertheless has the capacity to use his body for terrible destructive potential.

Halsin struggles with his more bestial nature and the tendency of the bear form to take him over in moments of excitement - and in that form he has little control over his body's violence. "I may not be able to help but to kill goblins."

I've heard that the game's design was originally centered around Durge, and the option for Tav was a later addition. I do wonder if these companion backstories, dissimilar as they seem at first glance, were deliberately constructed to all reflect aspects of the same struggle Durge is undergoing, from different angles and at different levels of severity.

Or I could be reading way too much into it, of course. :P But that can be fun too.

[blackjackkent]

Normally when the beast takes Rakha over at the onset of battle, flooding out everything else with the desire to kill, she finds herself in the center of the battlefield alone among the enemy, her companions much slower in hurling themselves into the deepest depths of the fray.

In this case, though - she is not alone.

Karlach is at her side, almost as lost in rage as Rakha herself. The flames of Rakha's attacks burn around her, but she hardly seems to feel them.

Anders, consumed in flame, falls as a shot from Lae'zel takes his feet out from under him, and he dies with Karlach's sword through his chest and sprays blood across her boots, having never even landed a strike.

It feels good, very good, to fight alongside someone else just as lost in the pure violence as she is. It feels good to know that this is one of the times where the killing has purpose. Rakha finds herself grinning fiendishly as she closes with the last remaining Paladin and sending a fireball into her face.

It's only after all the Paladins are dead and she's slowly coming back to herself hip-deep in Anders's blood that she realizes that Karlach is sobbing.

"Fuck them..." she gasps out unsteadily between hitching breaths, looking down at Anders' broken body on the stone floor. "Fuck Zariel. I won't go back. I'm *never* going back."

The fire is surging around her again, coming from within her - it seems as if it must be certain to burn her alive, except it doesn't consume, just rages outwards in tandem with the storm of her emotions.

"And if any of mummy's little friends want to pick up where the others left off..." she growls, "they'll find nothing but a pile of ash!"

And we'll kill them too... Rakha thinks, still half-lost in her own rage, her eyes glinting in the light from the flames around Karlach's body. We'll kill them all. Anyone who tries to stop us.

"Tear this place apart," she rasps.

For a moment, Karlach stares at her, shoulders heaving, fists clenched at her sides. The rage doesn't ease from her face, nor do the flames subside, but the sobs start to stutter out, the tears slowly replaced with calm fury. "Zariel's gotta stop fucking with me, you know?" she snaps. "I'm done with it. I'm done with her. I'm free."

A desperate, wild smile curves her lips and her breath starts to quicken again, this time with hysterical laughter. "I'm FREE! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

She surges backwards, swinging her greatsword in a wide arc that shatters apart two nearby boxes. Rakha watches intently, as she begins to tear through the whole building, destroying everything that she can find. The flames surging around her leave a trail of fire on the floor behind her like an avenging angel, and she screams at the top of her lungs as if her voice could penetrate all the way back to the Hells.

Wood smoke fills Rakha's lungs as the building begins to burn. But she doesn't move, just watches Karlach wherever her rage takes her. Perhaps, she thinks, this is what it is like for the others to watch her when the beast has free reign.

Eventually Karlach calms. The flames around her body begin to subside, and the rictus stiffness of her muscles eases to something more like her normal casual steadiness. Something of the wild hysteria goes out of her eyes. She stands in the center of the burning building and lets her sword fall to her side, its point dragging a slow scratch along the stone.

"That ought to do it..." she mutters.

Rakha ignores the way the fire is starting to rise through the building and just waits. Finally Karlach looks at her with a rueful smile and slides the greatsword back into its sheath.

"Felt good letting off a little steam after facing off with those ignots," she says. She's calmed considerably now, and slouches back onto her heels in a relaxed stance. Then she looks around, seeming to register the damage she's done, the flames licking at the walls. "Granted, the fire lasted a little longer than it should."

Rakha's gaze doesn't shift, but she nods slightly. She understands about the rage, about how it builds and builds and must be let out. She didn't know Karlach knew it as well, until this moment. Yet another of her companions more like her than she expected.

"How could you withstand the heat?" she asks. She is more familiar with fire than most - but even she could not stand in such an inferno for long and survive.

Karlach grins crookedly. "Engine heats up the whole system enough not to get burned. Hopefully it'll hold together long enough to get tuned up."

She looks around again, watches as a piece of the building's rafter catches in the rising flames and slowly, majestically, begins to sag along with the rest of the roof. Suddenly she grins, turning and jogging towards the door without waiting for the others. "Let's move, eh? I'm running high and in the mood for a fight."

-----

Rakha follows her out, her eyes narrowed in thought. It was a good fight, and the Paladins are dead - but the matter is not settled. That same inferno that consumed Karlach in her moment of rage is also killing her. The blacksmith's work at the grove was not enough.

Rakha does not want Karlach to die. Her feelings towards her companions are settling into a strange counterpoint to the beast in her head; the beast would kill anyone and everyone in her path without question, but she is starting to carve out a place where she will not allow it to intrude.

Like a dog trained to protect its masters, she thinks sourly. It's a less than flattering image - but accurate enough as far as it goes.

There's nothing to be done about Karlach's engine for now, though. They will find more iron. They will find the blacksmith in Baldur's Gate. Until then... they will watch. And Rakha will be glad to sink her knife through the throat of any other Paladins of Tyr that draw nearby.

[blackjackkent]

OK. So I think Rakha's finished with everything in the mountain pass area, having shattered Lae'zel's face, obliterated a priceless piece of Lathandran architecture, made an enemy of the entire gith race, inadvertently set Gale on a suicide mission, and adopted an owlbear.

The really funny thing is that almost none of this chaos can be blamed particularly on her murder urge brain. (Except the monastery I guess.)

The overall plan is to head for the Underdark next but we do have some things to clean up in the initial map first - particularly killing the Paladins of Tyr for Karlach. This has been high on Rakha's to-do list right from the moment she heard about it, because Karlach said, "hey, want to kill some people for me?" and Rakha was like "Boy, do I!" (Except she's Rakha so she just said "Yes" in a grumbly sort of way.)

So we'll do that first!

Karlach and Lae'zel have a banter as we make our way up the hill covered in dead gnolls, towards the building that the Paladins are using for their headquarters:

This banter definitely carries a different ring when they're traveling with Rakha. Both of them are definitely commenting on this while side-eyeing Rakha and trying to gauge if she's about to go off the deep end because of the blood smell.

She isn't, but she definitely does smell it and it's definitely got the beast urge in her head keyed up. For the moment, though, she's satisfied with the anticipation of killing these people who have been chasing Karlach.

I seem to recall that with Hector, I did a weird sneaky thing coming in from a top floor window of this building. Rakha, however, stalks right in through the front door like she owns the place. Immediately, they're greeted by a man in chainmail bearing a greatsword and a haggard expression:

"Please - no more!" he cries, his eyes widening dramatically as he looks past Rakha to Karlach standing behind her. "Leave us in peace and we shall leave you in kind!"

Karlach rolls her eyes. "Cut the crap, Anders," she snaps disdainfully. "I know what you are."

The man swallows nervously. "Don't let her hurt us. Please - we just want to go home!"

Rakha is already halfway to bursting out in violence and was before she came in the door. It's only Wyll's presence at her elbow that makes her take even a moment to consider the possibility of these people's innocence.

[INSIGHT] Assess his posture, his eyes. Is he telling the truth?

Narrator: There's something in the squint of his eye. You suspect he's lying.

"Enough of this charade," she says flatly. With a smooth motion she pulls both quarterstaves from her back. "I know who you really are."

The man flinches, his eyes narrowing. Then he smirks disdainfully. "Enough. Enough - I'll not play pretend anymore. Karlach... you're going home in pieces if needs must. And you--" He flicks his eyes to Rakha, looking her over, then spits on the ground at her feet. "You'll soon learn what it means to ally yourself with the likes of this garbage."

Rakha's jaw sets and the beast flares eagerly in her head. Kill. Make him pay. He would tear us apart. Show him pain. Show him death.

And it is not just the beast, either. As when Mizora invaded their camp - this is her own anger as well, roused on Karlach's behalf. Karlach is one of them, one of the only people Rakha has reason to know or trust. This man threatens her. And Rakha, not just the beast urge within her, wants him dead.

She feels the temperature around her spike up a few degrees. Karlach has stepped forward next to her, and the low hum of her engine heart has escalated to an unsettling, angry whir. Her eyes are narrowed in a mixture of rage and fear that Rakha has never seen in her expression before.

"Avernus was never my home," she snarls. "It was my prison. I'm free now."

Anders takes a step back and his cocky confidence flickers; a burst of flame surges up around Karlach's entire body as she screams into his face. "AND I'M NEVER GOING BACK!"

[blackjackkent]

touch prompts

with love

with relief

with happiness

with a promise

with an apology

to say goodnight

to say good morning

to protect

for comfort

for luck 

for encouragement

on a scar 

on a falling tear

on a bruise

after a tough day

after a nightmare

after an argument

because you are dying

because i am dying

in a moment of worry

in a moment of anger

in a moment of annoyance

in a moment of sadness

to say hello

to say goodbye

[blackjackkent]

amo Lucatiel ma di solito gli npc nei giochi di fromsoft non fanno una bella fine. comunque spero che non muoia

[blackjackkent]

stuff that feels rewarding as a fanfic author:

when your work inspires fanart/comics

when people point out a scene/particular line(s) that tugged at their heartstrings

when people ask for your meta of your work that they enjoyed so much

when someone comments on a fic you wrote 982783113502 years ago

getting recc’d

just the small happiness in knowing you made someone out there smile on their way to work/home or at school, in knowing you warmed someone’s heart somehow

[blackjackkent]

Good news, everyone - Shadowheart's ambient dialogue for when Rakha sits down next to her tent has been upgraded:

Rakha and Shadowheart have an interesting relationship. They don't really talk much, but I think Rakha feels somewhat comfortable with her, mostly because Shadowheart isn't effusive and also never seems particularly thrown by Rakha's behavior, no matter how weird it gets.

Thinking about this, they remind me of two kind of grumpy cats who kind of like to hang out vaguely near each other even though (or perhaps because) they never directly interact.

Parallel play where the play is brooding.

[blackjackkent]

Commander thinking to themselves: I think I'm the second or third most powerful being I know that isn't dead or asleep with how much random magic I tend to eat on any given day.

Commander: I hope Kormir is still alive, i have more questions for her. I think I only met Glint while she was dead, but she's also a bit odd projecting herself out of the mists with all the fancy spells and lairs she left lying about. I also don't know how to classify anything I've met in the fractals. I think I can count Joko as dead, even if I see him every year. And I'm not sure how strong the Saltspray dragons are.

Commander: Maybe with all these new wizards around I can rank myself waaaay lower. I don't want to be the best, I just want to do good.

Peitha: I think you're very good.

Commander: Cute, but not what I meant.

[blackjackkent]

First in my heart

[blackjackkent]

BJK Birthday Giveaway And Jackbox Shenanigans! 6/14/24

It's the most wonderful time of the year - that's right, it's almost my birthday! (And y'know summer and stuff I guess. XD )

As per usual, I'll be celebrating by devoting one of my Friday streams to Jackbox games and also a Steam card giveaway!

Anyone who comes to my stream on June 14 2024 (9pm-12am Central Time) and hangs out in the chat will be entered into a giveaway for one of three Steam gift cards ($25, $15, and $10). I'll do the drawing at the end of the stream - don't have to be present right then to win. :)

Would love to see y'all there to help me celebrate hitting (gasp) age 35. :D

[blackjackkent]

part time hellrider full time cutie

[blackjackkent]

-Voices-

A collection of portraits depicting the voices from Slay the Princess, taking inspiration from the style of the video game Disco Elysium! The Voice of the Hero, a knight, an iconic silhouette against a luminant halo. A color palette of black, blue, and teal.

The Voice of the Hunted, a beast trying to protect its heart from danger, represented here as a crosshair.

The Voice of the Smitten, the knife wound letting loose lovely streams of swirling bodily juices into the air.

The Voice of the Cold, dark, and angular. Something completely unafraid to kill.

The Voice of the Skeptic, attempting to fly, tearing himself away from chains and what looks like his own body.

The Voice of the Paranoid, Frantic and multi-eyed, clutching at a wound.

The Voice of the Contrarian, flying in stark contrast to the others, glowing instead of secluded, a mischievous fairy or will o' the wisp, instead of a grotesque figure.

The Voice of the Broken, shattered and leaking. A humanoid figure is no longer recognizable.

The Voice of the Stubborn, Fiery eyes, and big meaty claws. The brushwork is chaotic.

The Voice of the Cheated, smoke leaking from puncture wounds still embedded within him. He's holding a cigar, too; probably where all the smoke is coming from.

The Voice of the Opportunist, carrying multiple masks on his person, and wielding a poorly concealed knife.

And finally (for now) The Long Quiet itself, the night sky, swirling sigils blurred in the dark.