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[blackmentalhealth-matters]

Diary of a Stressed Black Woman

Hey yall! 

So first I wanna start off by saying thank you to everyone for all the love and support I’ve received since I decided to start this blog a couple months ago. I was really nervous to be so open and honest and you guys really made me feel like I wasn’t as crazy as I thought lol. I know I haven’t posted in a minute, I’ve honestly been kind of self absorbed in bullshit but I’m back and I’ll remain consistent this time lol. With that being said.....*ahem, clears throat* excuse me while I wild out on my soap box for a minute....I AM muthafuckin tiedddddd, i am STRESSED tf out and I don’t know wtf i’m doing with my life. I seriously ask myself is this shit even worth it anymore?!. As I wake up each and everyday and start prepare myself for the same ol routine, these thoughts often circulate through my mind. I feel like im constantly jugging that long to do list of shit that never seems to end, shitty niggas, dramatic friends, pestering family, deadlines and homework assignments due dates approaching for classes, outstanding bills due and that cloud of pressure hanging over my head. Some days I literally feel like I’m about to explode..... if you feeling anything how I’m feeling take a second as your reading this...to just B R E A T H E. I have to remind myself when I finally sit my busy body head ass down to just relax and breathe. As human beings were constantly on the go and overwhelming ourselves with shit that either can be handled differently or with adequate preparation completed with minimal stress. 

We all know how stress feels because it affects us all in almost every aspect of our life. But what exactly is stress? Stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. When you sense danger, whether it’s real or imagined (mine is often imagined lol) your body's defenses kick in and your fight or flight reaction occurs. What is so crazy is stress is not always a bad thing, I honestly feel like I perform my best when I’m stressed out. I tend to work better in high fast, stressful situations. For example if I have a paper due at 11:59 my ass is scrambling to write a 5 page paper at 10:30 lol. I’ve found myself getting better grades when I do last minute shit compared to when I take my time lol. That’s honestly how I got through college, and the way my semester been going thus far seems like how I’m gonna get through grad school. (Disclaimer: plz don’t be like me, be better and do your assignments in a timely fashion lol. 

Stress starts to become an issue to your mental health when it occurs over a long period of time. Suffering from chronic stress can be extremely dangerous and start to affect you mentally, cognitively, emotional, physically and behaviorally.  Your nervous system that responds to you enduring stress cant distinguish between you being stressed over a an argument or you facing an actual stressful situation (things that are life threatening). So the more you experience that emotion of stress the more you trigger you nervous system and the more your heightened state of stress level is increase and can become exacerbated.Every system in your body is affected by stress. Ever have a huge fight your boyfriend/girlfriend and feel like you don’t have an appetite? That’s not because your sad but because your digestive system is affected. Or maybe you start to feel sick after completing a stressful ass project? Your immune system has been affected by your stress.....Stress can leave your brain vulnerable to lurking variable like anxiety and depression, that I personally know how well it’s compatible with stress. 

Our generation puts so much pressure on ourselves because of society. I often find myself setting these unrealistic goals to stay relevant with my peers, or family and mentally endure hell and stress myself out just to half way accomplish it......as a black female my risk of high blood pressure and stroke is higher than white women so experiencing this high level of stress for me isn’t good for my health in the long run....

Survey shows that even though most Americans stress level are falling

Then we look at coping mechanisms....I’ve already discussed how I negatively cope with shit in my life. I touched on drugs and reckless behavior in my last posts, but I didn’t say one of the most common things people do when they are trying to cope...especially with stress. Can you guess what it is? Eating...lol if I’m trying not to be an alcoholic or drug addict, I indulge in huge binges where I eat everything I can and pass out. Clearly this is not an appropriate response to dealing with stress.

So how does one deal with stress in a healthy manner? Well for starters, not putting too much on your plate would help. 

Honestly there’s no appropriate or specific way to deal with stress....like any other mental health disorder you do whats best for you to help you cope.

I’ve learned that mediating throughout the day has caused a huge relief. When I feel myself getting overwhelmed I just remove myself and mediate....confiding in friends and family is also always a good outlet and resource. Journaling or blogging (like me) is also a stress reliefer! Honestly typing this post has caused such a relief for me because it gives me a chance to get out of my head and read what I’m saying on a computer screen. Managing your time more efficiently definitely can help rid yourself of all that time constraint pressure your feeling as well. Physical activity is also a great way to get those endorphins bumping as well.  

*To my fellow readers who are stress, just relax! you got this! tell yourself words of affirmations daily to keep your motivation level high and stress level low. Remember God timing is always perfect and you can rush the process....

Leave your stress in 2017, that’s what I’m doing, with my new year, new me head ass lol.

**xoxo’

[blackmentalhealth-matters]

Low Self Esteem? (Swipe Left)

How often do you find yourself scrolling your TL, comparing your life to others...feeling like everyone is some how doing so much better than you all the time...despite everything you’ve accomplishment? I find myself doing this daily, especially late at night when I can’t sleep...I often lay in the dark feeling sorry for myself, wishing I was in other people shoes cause they just seem so happy or just seem like they got they shit together. So you start to scroll, your lurking through their pages, likes favorites and retweets.... cause on social media everything always appear like its fine right?...I’m thinking to myself like why can’t my life be like that? Why can’t I be as happy as them? Minutes turns to hours...and now I’m addicted...stuck on social media....refreshing my TL every two seconds making sure I don’t miss a beat...becoming so engulfed in the TL I start to lose sight of reality.... It seems like every time I start to wallow in self pity, someone randomly tells me how proud of me they are, or how I accomplished so much and I think to myself “I’m really not doing shit special, but thanks I guess.” So then I start to live this double life online like I’m so happy and my shit is together just like all my followers I scroll through on my TL.  Seeking this stamp of approval from people through a screen, subconsciously always wanting to be involved, experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out), trying to stay relevant...its sickening honestly. Then I’m lowkey embarrassed cause why do I even give a fuck? So I put my phone down. I’m free...then It rings, someone liked my picture or found my tweet funny, so here I am again, back on social media...for hours again. NOT BEING ABLE TO LOG OFF, UNPLUG, SHUT DOWN...its an epidemic that our generation has seem to be plagued by...So your checking your TL while in line at the store, while your waiting at a stop light, shit even in the middle of parties, leaving reality for hours at a time to continue this charade online. Now just because your on Twitter or Instagram alot does not mean you have low self esteem...but think about the people who you personally know in real life and ask yourself, do they act like this in real life? I’m pretty sure your answer is no...lol. That nigga who always flashing his money, or that girl who always showing her ass..think about it..they seek attention so bad, they want to be relevant so bad they start to degrade themselves..Now I’m not knocking anybody cause who am I? lol just giving my humble opinion supported by facts and research.....

As this cultural trend begins to expand and as social media continues to flourish to be the most prominent form of communication consider how social media impacts its users and negatively affects their mental health.

Social media has been linked to higher levels of loneliness, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, decreased social skills...the list goes on.

According to an article from the Huffington Post, studies have shown that Men and Women that are social media users: 

*60% of people using social media reported that it has impacted their self-esteem in a negative way.

*50% reported social media having negative effects on their relationships.

*80% reported that is easier to be deceived by others through their sharing on social media.

So if more than half of people are feeling this way, think back to your TL and use the same statistics....once I read this article....my TL started making a little more sense...now I’m scrolling trying to figure out who feels like what and maybe those long sad tweets...or craving for attention is in fact a cry for help?

So I’m quick to send a text like hey you alright?

“In a world saturated by communications technology, comparing your off-line life to what we think we can see about other people’s perfect on-line lives is problematic.” - Jani Whitlock, a research scientist in the Brofenbrenner Center for Transnational Research and Director of the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery.

Social media is cool and all but give yourself a peace of mind occasionally and just log off and take a break for a while. Just don’t be corny an announce your exit cause no one cares about you going “MIA and stacking” my guy lol.

CHECK ON YOUR FRIENDS TOO!

The one who life seems like its always together, text or call and and simply ask “how are you” and I bet a seemingly quick conversation will turn into a vent session immediately.

-dass it.

xoxo

[blackmentalhealth-matters]

Drugs You Should Try x Travis Scott (Ft Depression)

You just had a stressful ass day…. failed that exam you should of studied for, got caught up with your side piece, got fired from work or maybe even got into with your parents. How do you cope? Sleep? Exercise? Prayer? In a perfect world we like to think these are coping mechanisms we would use, but in reality were indulging in the first thing that numbs whatever pain were experiencing. So what’s your pick of poison? Weed? Liquor? Pills? I know you’re probably thinking, “I only do that when I’m out with friends” or for “social and recreational” purposes but our generation is slowly but surely turning into alcoholics and drug addicts. If you know me personally, you know I’m always down for the turn up. I’m the girl at every party (damn near) with a bottle of patron, going shot for shot with anybody who dare challenge me. Ever wonder…why I’m always intoxicated. It took me a while to realize it, but when those shots of patron on the weekend became shots I was taking just because I completed basic daily tasks I realized I was using alcohol as a escape from the hardships of life. So here I am damn near becoming dependent on alcohol, a bottle away from an AA meeting, practicing my “Hi, My name is Devine and I’m an alcoholic” speech in the mirror when I had to stop and think…what exactly am I trying to run away from? What feelings am I attempting to suppress? As I mentioned before I’ve struggled with Major Depressive Disorder since middle school, for those who aren’t sure what that is…its usually referred to as “Clinical Depression”. Now like I said I’m not a psychologist yet but if you have felt depressed, lack of interest, change in weight, not being able to sleep, feeling worthless, cant concentrate etc, for a duration of two weeks or longer…period…then uh my guy you may have MDD. It’s bad enough our generation already struggles with the stigma behind mental health issues but we also encounter the glorification of drugs and alcohol. With artists like Future whose telling us every time the perkys calling, or Travis Scott telling us the plethora of drugs we should try, or even Frank Ocean (with the voice of an angel) telling us that novacane numbs the pain…its no wonder we rush to whatever can get our hands on when were feeling down. Now I’m not saying that just because you listen to them (they’re in heavy rotation for me lol) means you have a drug problem, I’m just asking you to analyze the mindstate your in while your participating in these extracurriuar activities, if you wanna take it a step further think about the mindstate they are in when they making the music. Cause come on now, sometimes I listen to Future and just feel sad lmao. Its so many artists crying out for help in their songs its crazy, remember when Wayne came out with “I Feel Like Dying”….just internalize the lyrics? I mean Kid Cudi just recently was brave enough to speak out about his depression. It makes you think why everytime you get sad you want to smoke/drink while listening to these or other artists?

Now lets dig a little deeper into the statistics According to the MHA (Mental Health America) 13.2 % of the U.S population identifies as Black,  (6.8 million)   1/5 will deal with a mental health issue a year 20% are more likely to deal with mental health issues than the rest of the population Black people are more likely than white to have feelings of sadness,hopefulness, worthlessness than white. Black people are more likely than white to die by suicide and attempt suicide than whites (8.3% vs 6.2%) so no it’s not just white people killing themselves… 40% of white are more likely to seek out help…. See a problem? Cause I sure do…

Depression is a term we use loosely but never take the time to fully understand how to A. accept and acknowledge we or someone we know suffers from it and most importantly B. how to take steps in the right direction to feel better…in a positive way that is. Now if your like me the thought of taking medication to feel better is a huge no for me. Tried it. felt like a zombie. stopped it immediately lol. So being diagnosed with depression and not taking the prescribed medicine for it, took me a while to try and figure out what to do so I wasn’t numb all the time…. The first thing I do when I’m finding myself slip into a depressive state is. 1.Write down and set goals. I write out a list of goals I want to accomplish whether they be long term or short and I make semi goals to help me get to that major goal. By visually seeing my goals on a piece of paper it motivates me to complete them so when I cross it out I can see my list getting smaller. 2. Change my environment. I get distracted and caught up SO EASILY. My personality is so addicting if I like something too much I become oblivious to everything around me. So if I’m feeling depressed and all I wanna do is drink, i’m gonna be in an environment where all we do is drink lol. CHANGE your scenery, if your friends are just drinking cause your making them lol  (like my friends sorry guys lol) then do something different. Engage in different activities that’s not the same basic shit, switch it up. You’ll feel better drastically. Shit move across the country lol (sike that’s what I had to do cause man Michigan was draining me lol) 3. Eat healthy, exercise…cause we know all know liquor puts on calories. maybe if you cut back you can fit into that outfit you been eyeing lol. 4. UNPLUG. Our generation has it bad with always being on our phones and not knowing how to just take a break. We keep getting wrapped up in social media (in fear were missing out). Take a personal day, take time away from everyone. It’s okay to isolate yourself. Ask my friends, when I get overwhelmed I act like casper and just disappear lol. I turn my phone off, don’t talk to anyone just take time away from everyone to get myself back focused.

5. TALK TO SOMEONE. IT’S OKAY TO VENT. If you don’t have at least one person you can call when you’re feeling down then you need to evaluate your friends. I ALWAYS make sure my friends know that regardless what they’re going through I am always here, 100% no judgement zone. If you need a friend like that, my line is always open and I mean that. (I just know how it feels to have no one)

These are just a few things I do, that personally helps me with depression, sadness, or whatever label you want to use for your defintion of being upset….find what works best from you…just try and be sober while your doing it (;

[blackmentalhealth-matters]

ANXIETY! (Message Sent With Slam Effect)

Body shaking? Heart pounding? Feel like a huge lump is stuck in your throat? Can’t focus for shit and the idea of sleep is almost nonexistent. That weird sense of paranoia you can’t seem to shake? Sounds like you have Anxiety for 300 Alex. 

If you’re anything like me, my anxiety is that lurking monster that at any moment, anything can trigger it and I’m a nutcase. It’s like walking across the street without looking both ways and BAM a car almost hits you...thing is, it never hits you. So freeze frame. Close your eyes and internalize that moment, that intense ass fear of, oh shit am I about to get hit by a car. That’s how anxiety feels my friends. Your nerves are so bad its like your stuck in the flight or fight hyperactive response, perpetually waiting for “shit to hit the fan” when in actuality life is pretty decent. Excessively worrying about problems that may or may not even be real, problems you perceived to have happen or will happen, living in disarray. Wyypo people of course are more likely than black to be diagnosed with anxiery disorders but how accurate are these findings? How often do you and your peers,family,friends discuss their mental health issues? The huge gap in statistics in the diagnose assessments of mental health is very high. We as a community are less likely to report when we feeling restless, or having trouble sleepy, shit we barely want one another to know when we feeling more irritated then usual. This resistance we’ve created amongst our community has been accepted as a culture to seek other forms to aid in our mental health. I can’t tell you how many times my grandma had me pray with her when I was feeling anxious. “Satan must be busy, lets pray about it”. Not to say Satan don’t be busy trying fuck shit up, I don’t think that’s really playing a role in why my anxiety is through the roof. The disassociation and perception of reality while experiencing an anxiety attack is something scary and a quick prayer not about to bring me back to reality when I lose control of all my senses. There are so many underlining factors historically why we suppress mental health the way we do as a black community but I’ll address that later. The number one thing I have personally learned how to cope with when my anxiety has been induced is to practice a technique called grounding. Now I posted the steps to this on twitter and got a lot of feedback (first time a tweet went viral so I was geeked lol) and have found it to be successful my self. 

FIRST:

*Look around you, try to become as aware of your surroundings as possible. (this helps stabilizes you and help bring you back to reality.)

Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. This helps when you feel you have lost all control.  

**now of course this is a step process and hard to remember at the time of an anxiety attack, so I often practice it so when it does happen I’m aware of what to do.

This like I said works for ME.

You can always remove yourself from a stress situation, count slowly, practice deep breaths, call someone who can walk you through this (my line is always open btw guys) or just by simply telling yourself “I’m gonna be okay, this will be pass”.

I hope this helps...love you guys thanks for reading.

[blackmentalhealth-matters]

You’ll be fine. It’s Just a Bad Day...Right?

Throughout my childhood I was consistently told that I would be alright. Bad grades, fake friends, shitty niggas, self doubt, insecurities, constant disappointments, and shit even if I got physically sick, the response remained the same, YOU'LL BE FINE. I started to internalize the phrase so much if I had a moment of weakness I started to tell my self, "shake this shit off, you'll be fine." Problem is, I wasn't fine, ignoring issues subconsciously and suppressing my feelings became a normalized response. You heard of the theory "flight or fight" physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat? My brain started to react to stressful situations by simply not having a reaction at all. I began to go into a sort of kinda "autopilot" mode (what I like to refer it to) when traumatic situations came my way. My lack of a response to my own situations and feelings allowed me to fill that void with my peers and loved ones problems, then just like that I became the friend with the open ear and all the answers. Anyone ever been the strong friend? The one who is always there? The one who for some odd reason knows how to help everyone but them damn self, yeah that was me. If I wasn't on my soapbox trying to educate and advocate for everyone, I was partying my problems away or just appearing normal, meanwhile the ticking time bomb AKA my emotions were setting my temporal lobe in my brain on fire.  I've grown so accustom to not having a response the day I broke down almost broke me completely. In middle school it got to the point where my anxiety and depression had gotten so bad I didn't know how to escape my own head and finally broke the social norm of mental health being nonexistent in the black community that I sought out help and finally realized, wow its not just me. other people feel like this too....Yes we have good days, and yes we have bad days....(and textbook definitions of specific diagnose and signs of mental health disorders are defined by DSM-5) but that doesn't mean how you feel doesn't matter and that you don't have a voice, an opinion, shit a right to speak out and say "NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT. ITS NOT OKAY. AND I'M NOT DOING GOOD". Once you acknowledge your feelings then the real healing can begin....just by simply having therapeutic relationships can be a step in the right direction of addressing, accepting and ultimately changing how you feel. People think I shove mental health in their face because I eventually want to be a psychologist (which isn't all the way false) but really it's because these past 22 years of my life have been a hell of a ride especially being a black woman in a society where were portrayed to be strong at all times. This is something like an intro, I don't really know where this blog is gonna take me, but I'm excited to share my experience and ongoing journey with this shit called life.

x0 Devine.

[blackmentalhealth-matters]