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why does cooking takes like six hours and eating like three seconds and washing dishes like seven days and seven nights

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every note on this post is 1 kiss 4 my lizard

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We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

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me @ characters who have a tragic back story and uses sarcasm as a coping mechanism:

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Dude explaining how he made his first $10 million:

Get up at 5:00AM every day

90 minutes of cardio

Take a cold shower

Journal

Schedule out your day

Dad owns Fortune 500 company

Meditate

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i hate when things happen!

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So do you like villains because they’re cool, or because it’s cathartic to see characters completely lash out against the world for their trauma and abuse and just be angry for all their pain in a manner that doesn’t actually affect anyone since it’s all fictional.

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my one skill is expertly manipulating the shape of the eggs I’m cooking so that they fit perfectly onto my toast every time

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modern art

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*me flirting*

so… have you… learned anything interesting lately?

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gay rats (gay rights in southern accent)