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IMFACT in a Zombie Apocalypse

Jian: Too nice to strangers for his own good. Was probably raided by some survival-minded meanies. But surprisingly also makes close companions and finds and gives support like in your typical drama adaption. Cries every time they have to kill, even animals… even the zombies (“they were still human once ok” damn Jian you can’t be like this save your own skin pls). Makes it out alive but probably hurt himself somehow and near-sacrificed himself like three times because he’s too selfless a friend. Get Lee Jian on your side in that apocalypse, dude.

Ungjae: Literally does not change his lifestyle, still lives in the studio surviving on canned food. That rebel (hacker/mad scientist/failed rockstar druggie genius/the tropes are endless) aesthetic. Hair miraculously stays dyed in varying colours, boy probably has that stocked, he’s so anime. Can survive for decades and at the same time develop the cure to the disease tbh.

Sang: Tried to seduce a zombie, IT DID NOT WORK. Managed to escape and could have found shelter with Ungjae but maknae never let him in, that lil mofo. Clung to any other friend he knew but they all abandoned him. Now keeps a dog around as his only friend and it’s been pretty useful (because animal instincts and guiding in the wilderness? Idk how it works either to be honest). Self-taught shooter and even looks badass doing that Sang is a lowkey savage but not like the modern use of that word y’know. Finally feels accomplished but no one’s around to acknowledge his skills duh. Gets bitten trying to look cool when shooting.

Jeup: Says it’s all good, he can use his martial arts skills to get rid of any zombie (mostly to reassure himself). Is in fact too startled to use said skills (also close contact is not recommend here) INSTEAD SCREAMS A LOT. Decent survival skills when it comes to food and hiding places. He once said he has food stored under his bed for the time of the apocalypse anyway so he’s kinda prepared. Still too overwhelmed by real situations like zombies showing up all of a sudden. Gets bitten after a week while checking himself out in a mirror.

Taeho: has no mercy when killing zombies, can literally use anything as a weapon. Almost does not sleep and you can’t even tell, which makes him jumpy as usual, but guess it’s actually a good thing to be alert and run if necessary. Has a survivor’s mind, you’d be surprised how calculated he does whatever he has to because he didn’t go through all those auditions to die in this stupid apocalypse now ok. Keeps a stack of soju to have some enjoyment in life and numb his anger at the world. Does not manage to make it out alive because everyone remembers heartthrob Kim Tae Ho from their former life and they just won’t leave him alone (it takes 20 somewhat organized zombies to take him down).

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Should You Fight SNUPER?

Woosung: 100% not recommended, will f*ck you up with how trained he is. Will also look good doing it, and people will cheer for him landing you on your sorry arse. Congrats, if you fight him, you can get him some more fans, so if that’s your goal, nice. Not like he needs them. (I’m kidding, please love our Pokémon nerd a lot)

Taewoong: Why would you wanna hurt an actual angel? He might also surprise you tbh, he probably has some stress and frustration built up, so he’s a force to be reckoned with, and he would surprise you with some well-timed attacks. You have like a high chance of winning this, though, ma man’s too skinny and awkward to actually be a threat. If you really need to fight him, just don’t hurt him too much, okay? Snuper needs their mum.

Sangil: fight him. It’s easy, literally. Just a punch, just a gesture, and he’ll whine or better, start screaming. Leave his face and vocal chords intact, if you will. Might end up in a singing battle, really, you don’t wanna miss out on that. So basically, you have an example of a childish brawl/meme war/talent show with him, it’s a fun mix.

Suhyun: look, he is very much OPPA but also very much a grandpa, so you decide if that’s worth it. If his pretty face annoys you, go for it. Be aware he might use unfair means. Still probably easy to win against (like, 80%) since he’ll most likely worry about his looks. You could also talk it out, though, he’s probably good company and manages to brainwash you into thinking it’s all good between you guys.

Sangho: Look, he has manners and is just a super-nice guy who’d never hurt anyone. What could he even do to offend you? I suppose being too perfect is offensive now? Back off, dude, he’s mine to keep and while I don’t think he’d defend himself well, let’s just not look for a reason to pick a fight. I know he can be a bit stupid like this whole group but it’s his charm. Look at his SMILE DAMMIT, can those cute eyes lie? Answer me. I’m ready to fight anyone who wants to fight Jo Sangho. I suppose he’d rather cure the world of hatred first with his adorableness, let’s be real.

Sebin: this guy’s gonna whoop your arse, win looking unfazed even against several opponents and probably gonna flirt with you while he’s at it. Definitely dangerous to challenge because he knows he’s good and it’s just a game for him. Do not fight. Get him on your side and praise him afterwards, he’ll like that.

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IMFACT valentines for my fellow IFs

(random food pick up lines editions)

(Jeup is such a nerd)

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Wanna One as Cinnamon Rolls

Looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll: Daehwi

Looks like a cinnamon roll but can actually kill you: Jihoon

Looks like a cinnamon roll and may want to kill you but really is just a cinnamon roll: Minhyun

Looks like a cinnamon roll and will amaze you with his baking skills on top of being one: Sungwoon

Looks like they can kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll: Guanlin

Looks like they can kill you but is actually afraid of cinnamon rolls: Baejin

Looks like they can kill you from laughter by making cinnamon rolls a meme again: (also: a cinnamon roll at heart) Seongwu

Looks like they can kill you, can actually kill you and will laugh about it maniacally: Jaehwan

Looks like they can kill you from feeding you too many cinnamon rolls: Jisung

Looks like they ate too many cinnamon rolls as a kid but will kill you if you bring up his dark past: Woojin

Can switch from sinnamon to cinammon roll in 2 seconds: Daniel

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IMFACT as Weird Things BFFs Do

Thanks, Buzzfeed, the homies know what's good.

Sang: Text each other when you're literally in the same room. Send your very worst selfies to each other, the ones that make you look like a thumb. Ask each other what to say whenever someone else texts you. Talk about literally nothing and everything all at the same time. Give each other incredibly weird nicknames that make no sense to anyone but you. Really just have a very inappropriate humour together. Have clothes in their closet and food in their fridge and vice versa.

Taeho: Act as each other's own personal photographer at all times. Get jealous of each other's other friends. Ask for a like on social media to be guaranteed at least one. Send each other a picture of your outfit every morning (JUST TO MAKE SURE). Call them “bitch“ as a term of endearment. Find none of each other's crushes worthy of them. Just be emotionless wishing each other luck before exams or interviews, then not be able to come down if it went well because you're so proud.

Jeup: Coordinate your dance moves without meaning to. Declare constantly that you should have your own reality show (you probably should, he's already hilarious). Stalk people on Facebook together. FaceTime ten minutes after you leave each other's house because you miss each other already. Hype each other up over your respective crushes but be the first to diss them hard after heartbreak. “The uglier the Snapchat, the closer the friendship“. Start talking in an accent for no reason. Comment and laugh about each other in class whenever the other tries to participate seriously.

Jian: Look at each other and burst out laughing for absolutely no reason at all. Bicker like siblings but eventually get over it with a slice of chocolate cake, or wine (usually wine). Giving people you both don't know nicknames only the two of you understand. Go to each other's houses when they aren't even there because you have a key. Talk non-stop about books and/or movies you both like, then start inventing impossible scenarios about the characters and "What if..." discussions. Cry over things together that are so small and insignificant you'd be embarrassed if anyone else found out.

Ungjae: Communicate with each other by eyes only. Create your own emoji language that is not translatable for anyone but you two. Imitate each other's habits to rag on the other like 24/7. Be each other's biggest fans and hype squad no matter what you're doing. Talk to each other's parents almost as much as you talk to your own. Be just incredibly overwhelmed with feeling blessed they exist. Air all of your existential thoughts and philosophical 3am musings, even if they are actually stupid.

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Seventeen as Characters from the Ocean’s Trilogy

Danny Ocean: Seungcheol

Rusty Ryan: Jihoon

Tess Ocean: Jeonghan

Linus Caldwell: Chan

Basher Tarr: Mingyu

Virgil Malloy: Seokmin

Turk Malloy: Soonyoung

Reuben Tishkoff: Junhui

Livingston Dell: Jisoo

Saul Bloom: Seungkwan

“The Amazing” Yen: Minghao

Frank Catton: Hansol

Terry Benedict: Wonwoo

Bonus (no, we totally didn’t put Jeongcheol as Tess and Danny, it just... happened):

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Topp Dogg as Dok2's iconic English lines

Sangdo: "I'm chasin' my dreams, why you lame dudes bein' lazy?"

B-Joo: "That sprite, sprite, sprite, sprite, sprite on you!"

Hansol: "We don't hate nobody, we gon' pray for 'em"

Yano: "Bet you ever seen a rapper like moi, mwah"

Xero: "Tinted windows, ambassador flow, rose gold, clear diamonds, my platinum goals"

Hojoon: "Just let it free but never lose, I ain't fallin', I be on my parachute"

A-Tom: "I just say what I wanna, care what I wanna"

P-Goon: "I be eatin' rice, feeling nice, building price, killing guys, in disguise, flip this dice"

Jenissi: "You feel this, I'm the realest, I teach you what the real is"

Nakta: "My future flame, future, future, future flame, your future lame, future, future, future lame"

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Seventeen as old Paloalto songs, yo:

Vernon: 홍대 앞 (feat. Jerry.K)

Woozi: Master Mind (feat. The Quiett)

Minghao: Chief Life

DK: 참견말어 (feat. Evo)

Mingyu: Propaganda Technique (feat. Real Dreamers & Huckleberry P)

Wonwoo: Hip Hop Lives (from Seoul, Korea)

Jun: Ideal Moment

Hoshi: Circle (feat. Hwaji)

Jeonghan: Genuine (feat. Okasian & B-Free)

Seungcheol: Would You Be My (feat. Beenzino)

Dino: Reality Bites (feat. Huckleberry P)

Joshua: Good Times (feat. Babylon)

Seungkwan: 또 봐

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B.A.P as party jams that still need official releases

Yongguk: Sexy Clap

Himchan: Sexy Clap

Daehyun: Sexy Clap

Youngjae: Sexy Clap

Jongup: Sexy Clap

Zelo: Sexy Clap

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Monsta X as pasta

Shownu: Creamy lemon chicken spaghetti 

Minhyuk: Cashew, basil and garlic cream bucatini

Kihyun: Roasted red pepper ravioli

Jooheon: Tomato and peanuts conchiglie

Hyungwon: Peas and cheese macaroni salad

I.M: Cocoa penne with mushroom sauce

Wonho: Instant spicy shrimp ramen

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EXO as Reactions and Things Surrounding the Release of MOBB’s Glorious New Jams:

Chanyeol: MOBB performing at a Hongdae club in August as a special guest for invitees only when no one knew what the pseudonym meant yet #professionaltrollYG

Chen: these comebacks saving K-pop and possibly our planet

Xiumin: former YG stans suddenly gathering, returning and acknowledging good music together

Suho: people impatiently demanding the physical album of that ish to come out sooner, and instead buying the heck out of the digital ones and pre-orders to top the iTunes album charts in seven countries

Baekhyun: Seungyoon's squealing reaction video on Instagram to Mino’s "Body" MV

Kai: everybody gettin' down to all four songs whenever they play in the streets or clubs (I so envy Korea), and no one really being sure if the crowd in Hit Me was just random, paid or had to pay in order to appear in the MV

D.O: YG handing out pizza and Pepsi to fans who managed to get into the few music show recordings we were blessed with

Lay: the releases actually not being delayed and coming at us on time when were all secretly doubting it and NOT READY YET

Sehun: those earworms out of nowhere that aren't really annoying, of Mino raspily singing "Neoe moooom" or Kush's "Hit me! Balli jeonhwa hae!"

Bonus - Kris: Blacknut secretly writing poems about Mino's body and Super Bee imploding from the swag attack somewhere because Bobby is 1ller than he'll ever be #shotsfiredsorry #IloveSMTM

Bonus - Luhan: Rome directing Holup and actually getting his credits finally, only it's probably his trippiest video ever but hey, it's cool, we love it

Bonus - Tao: haters gonna hate - ah, wait, no one can actually hate any of the songs, I guess?

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Seventeen as Harry Potter Characters Doing Legendary Stuff

S.Coups: movie Oliver Wood with the Scottish accent

Mingyu: Sirius Black on the run and frolicking over getting chicken from Harry

Jeonghan: Fleur Delacour flipping her hair for Cedric and Bill

Seungkwan: Hermione getting sassy, emotional and elegantly slapping Malfoy

Dino: Ginny secretly breaking into the family broom shed to test out her brothers’ brooms and pwn everyone at Quidditch a few years later

Joshua: Ron making the worst puns and dad jokes even 19 years later

Wonwoo: Denis Creevey falling into the Great Lake during his arrival at Hogwarts and telling his brother like it’s the coolest thing to ever happen

Hoshi: Seamus Finnigan accidentally setting things on fire in the movies

Minghao: Neville releasing his pent-up anger at Bellatrix in the Department of Mysteries

Vernon: Harry failing at Summoning Charms at first, then fighting a bloody aggressive dragon with it

Jun: Fred and George shouting “Give her hell from us, Peeves!” during their escape from Hogwarts

DK: drunk Hagrid singing the ode to Odo the Hero

Woozi: grumpy Snape teaching Harry Occlumency

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Monsta X as Titles in the Yearbook/Senior Superlatives

Shownu: Most likely to be on a magazine cover. Most likely to become a Bollywood star. Best body. Best eyes. Most likely to fall for anything, really. Best person to share a deserted island with. Most likely to still be shy even as a CEO. Most likely to be manlier than Chuck Norris someday. Worst attempt at a “man bun”.

Jooheon: Most likely to still get asked for their ID when they’re 30. Worst driver. Most likely to start a cult (lolololol All In Jooheon right here, homies). Most skilled at excuses. Craziest senior. Biggest bum. Most likely to succeed at life more than the rest of the world.

Hyungwon: Renaissance man. Most likely to write the next Twilight Series. Most likely to get a town named after them. Most photogenic. Most likely to open an Etsy homemade scarf shop. Person you wish you knew. Most likely to be caught sleeping in class. Most likely to be the indiest kid ever. Most likely to get out of here forever.

Wonho: Most likely to live off ramen for the next ten years. Most likely to drown in a protein shake. Biggest life of the party. Edward Cullen Award for Sparkly Smugness. Most likely to suggest beer pong at their first work-related cocktail party. Biggest flirt. Most likely to have a child addicted to Starbucks coffee. Freshest dresser.

Minhyuk: Biggest photo bomber. Biggest blonde. Most likely to be caught texting in class. Most likely to brighten your day. Future TED talker. Most affectionate. Most likely to talk your ear off. Most contagious laugh. Most likely to cry on the last day.

Kihyun: Most fanciable. Most likely to burst out random songs. Most pwnage. Most likely to have a high-profile affair with a politician. Least likely to remember any of our names in five years’ time. Most likely to inspire Taylor Swift to write a break-up song about them. Most likely to win a cooking showdown.

I.M: King of sass. Biggest teacher’s pet. Next Wolf of Wall Street. Class mob boss. Most likely to corrupt young minds. Most likely to marry for money. Best “Your mom” jokes. Least likely to ever be able to grow facial hair. Most in touch with their inner child. Most likely to discover a new species of ant.

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Imfact as People in My Dorms

Jian: Law student who actually has a life. Hella disciplined. All-organic stuff in the fridge that no one’s allowed to touch, probably with name tags and labelled weekday or smth. Normally doesn’t come back from the library before midnight but also the first to rise in the mornings at around 6am to go for a quick run, no one’s sure if it’s energy drinks or his personality. Likes to re-arrange the fridge once a month and will call you out for being messy. Also does the dishes for everyone (and possibly the laundry if you asked) once he’s at it, and he can’t leave it dirty overnight even if he’s back from a party at, like, 4am. Organizes cooking events with the whole floor; favourite weekend activity is getting up early and baking. Not so discreetly has people over sometimes, it’s either completely planned or he didn’t know himself, and things get LOUD at night. Always mixes fresh, non-alcoholic, healthy fruit cocktails (but hates sharing them). First one to volunteer if anyone is looking for dancing partners on the pinboard. Loves decorating his door with postcards and cute, uplifting messages – other side of the door is a dartboard. Does workouts in his room for everyone to hear – a Zumba group has formed thanks to that. The one to quietly do chores others “forget” and turn off the lights Sang leaves on.

Taeho: Takes ages in the morning but is wise enough to just get up before everyone else. Sometimes, in your snoozing phase, you can hear him mutter about how “this stupid fringe just never wants to lie down, UGH”. Is very eager to discuss make-up but never ever wants to share his stuff. Comes knocking when there’s any sort of crisis or reason to talk but mainly does it to avoid doing what he actually should. Sasses everyone daring to show up in front of him in jogging pants (even if HE knocked and well, that’s how people alone in their rooms dress…). Gets calls 24/7 that you hear from the room beside him because his ringtone is loud and annoying as heck and he gets extra loud when talking to certain people (mostly his mum). Has come knocking on every room before to catch Pokémon at silly times of the day (like for breakfast). Often starts lengthy small talk in the kitchen that somehow always ends up revolving around himself and what he’s lately been up to. Likes talking about the future. Judges everyone on your floor and even the poor postman. Likely heard at the fridge looking for milk and his cool face mask at 2am. Always out of the flat before normal people consider waking up, no one really knows where he goes. Shows up at random times during the day for a few minutes, though, because he keeps forgetting stuff, or just wants a snack (sometimes, everyone else’s snacks. If no one said they’d be home and something’s missing, it was probably Taeho when everyone else was out). Prefers studying in the library but always has his “study dates” over, and proposes senseless study groups within the dorm that are more for gossip. (“Oh, you study physics? How perfect! Well, I actually have this English exam coming up but I have a friend who majored in physics as well and you know what she’s doing these days?”). The one screaming to end a party and throw people out if he deems fit or has “this way too important THING tomorrow morning, so GTFO!”.

Jeup: Chipper freshman (or, well, no one really knows how old he is but he has the spirit of one). Significant other transferred for him and now lives in the same dorm (but across the hall). They often go out with mutual friends. Very open towards new residents despite own inexperience. Writes aggressive post-it notes to pin on the fridge and also hates it to death when people wrote themselves on the laundry plan but don’t show up. Says he’s a clean-freak but actually everything’s fine as long as his own face is still beautiful. Blocks the bathroom like two days in advance when there’s a party coming up. Comes out looking as usual because he wants to rock the “casual look”. No initiative but very social, discusses plans for the week and likes chatting about whatever (mostly himself or his perfect love life). Invites people over without asking. Significant other basically lives in his room by the end of term. Then both disappear for two weeks or so and it takes a few messages until they reply saying they “forgot” to tell they went on vacation. Was probably too spontaneous (as if, they most likely just didn’t care). Not much into studying because he’s too confident but comes asking a stupid question a day before an exam to people who aren’t even in his major. Parents finance him. Would never part-time even if his life depended on it (thankfully, it doesn’t). Hidden star of all the karaoke nights out.

Sang: Major procrastinator. Panics before every exam phase. Still somehow the motivational speaker of the dorm. Always got enough news and gossip (mainly, world news) to talk to people. Room frequently smells just a LITTLE weird, but no one really thinks it’s pot because he’s an airhead 24/7 anyway. Nicest person around, always greets people in the hallway really enthusiastically. Probably even formed like a “good neighbour/dormmates” group that meets every two weeks and is actually a party planning club. Alwaysalwaysalways forgets to turn off the lights wherever he goes - probably thinks it’s being considerate to others, too. Steals food around 2-3am almost every night, you can either hear him rustling or come home to that, scared to death seeing him in the dark kitchen drinking your milk in front of the bright and open fridge and waving like a weirdo. Has once fallen asleep in front of it like the walking cliché he is – people tolerate it only because he’s usually nice and makes everyone laugh, and they learn to just keep some extra snacks for him (just protect your expensive stuff he won’t CARE). Free spirit, the door to his room (or possibly the flat if he’s home) is actually open ¾ of the day. Worst hangovers ever, the whole floor suffers with him. Starts fast food parties a lot. Sometimes forgets to put on something other than boxers when he opens the door but it’s okay, everyone from RA’s to the newspaper delivery to strangers coming to parties have seen him shirtless anyway. Always has a note on the board asking if someone wants his old micro-oven. Strangely, no one ever calls for it, but they do enjoy the pizzas he orders (that are the reason why he doesn’t need his own oven). Comees knocking to ask people if they can lend him a bottle opener starting from the early evenings. Just laughs when people suggest it’s about time he buys his own.

Ungjae: That freshman kind of overwhelmed with everything and the new schedules, he’s seriously only living on extremes. Never gets up before 12 even if he planned something important - makes it effortlessly seem like he doesn't care if he misses that though. Looks like death in the morning but also kind of all the time if he doesn’t put in an effort. Usually opens doors in his jogging pants. Nicknamed the delivery king because he basically orders food every second day or so (when he doesn’t forget to eat, that is) and likes to share (penny pincher Sang probably comes over a lot just for that “offer”). Makes friends with everyone without even trying and although he’s usually holed up in his room binge-watching anime and being shy. It’s people that get him out of his cave and into the usually happy, energetic freshmen being that he is at heart. Still wants to be cool and laid-back “because he’s in college now” and he’s all about that lazy yet somewhat productive “hustle” lifestyle. Probably created some viral college memes in his free time about two weeks into that life. Sometimes throws parties, they are super popular and so are his DJ skills (used to end up as the DJ because no one else wanted to, now does it for fun). Hates cleaning up, though. Gets hyper-ambitious during exam phase but falls into this unhealthy pattern of wanting to do too much, and is back in his slump after one all-nighter and a whole day of I-don’t-care-anymore-sleep. People take pity on him because he’s young and cute, so they even accept his mail in his stead but get fed up with it because he doesn’t even notice and takes ages to come get it. Usually does so with a smile and a bit of chocolate or beer as a thank you gift, so it’s all forgiven quickly, and he most likely makes new friends through that (this strangely keeps happening). If you're looking for your parcel in return, yeah, he probably accepted it and still has it but has no clue where in the flat he left it - you might end up coming over three times until he remembers, but it’s all good, he’s great to talk to.

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Seventeen as K-pop Party Jams (evergreens from Admin Bleep’s playlist)

S.Coups: EXO – Lotto

Wonwoo: 2PM – Hands Up

Mingyu: Jay Park feat. Ugly Duck – Ain't No Party Like An AOMG Party

Jeonghan: GD&TOP – High High

Vernon: Beast – Beautiful Night

Dino: B.A.P – Hurricane

Joshua: GD feat. Taeyang – Good Boy

DK: IKON – Dumb & Dumber

The8: Hyuna – How's This?

Seungkwan: 2NE1 – I Am The Best

Hoshi: XIA – Incredible

Woozi: BTS – Fire

Jun: SISTAR – Touch My Body

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Monsta X as baristas (i.e. X Café)

Jooheon: Lazy owner of the café for two reasons: one, he basically lives off coffee anyway and would be fired as a normal employee, so he’d just have established his own (he could concentrate on making the good stuff and then take a nap behind the counter and he’d LOVE ordering his cheeky employees around), and two, I think he’d be good with economic stuff and making money (determination, calculation and creativity, you know). That aside, you can call yourself lucky if he actually serves you. Takes his coffee seriously and probably even offers a surprise drink on the menue that he creates just based on his spontaneous first impression of a customer. Jooheon is all about marketing and would be ridiculously charming, complimenting and exaggerating as your barista but well, customers enjoy that. He also does some crazy good latte art (because he loves seeing it and practices really hard; still gets inspired a lot by really professional baristas, so looks up ideas in his free time and enjoys imitating styles, too). It’s not like he advertises the shop with it or is a star barista but he can put smiles on tired customers’ faces like no other and people soon start noticing, so he has his own creations on the menu according to the seasons. Also thinks of entertaining events like “Bring your mug, get a shot” or “Spill the beans about the beans” to teach others some coffee nerd knowledge or Halloween specials (where the best costume gets pumpkin latte for free for the rest of the year. So brilliant because who would want one every day after Halloween anyway?). Never bothers remembering many names or customers unless they’re there every day, buy a lot or he just likes them - you’d know which one you are IF he happens to remember your name and/or usual order.

Shownu: Probably too lazy to remember the menu, so he ends up glancing at it more often than not, then vaguely gets the ingredients, asks his co-worker for re-assurance and after all the struggle serves the drinks or foods with an insecure smile that makes one smile back. He may be clumsy and awkward but usually puts a tremendous amount of care into the drinks he makes. Definitely better at just making coffee than talking. Always SUPER polite to everyone, even children, tells people to come back shyly and, well, they do, because he’s adorable for such a stud who rocks the barista uniform that well. Surprisingly hasn’t really messed up yet but it’s also because people look at his puppy expression and arms and don’t want to tell him he may not be fit for this job but may be better on stage or in a gym. He also usually apologizes in advance and hands out the drinks he’s not really confident in making with a hesitant “If there’s anything wrong with it, please tell me, I’ll fix it right away!”. Really efficient cleaner and has a good eye for when people are leaving, though, he’s always the first to collect the empty cups from the tables. People of all ages usually ogle him and get distracted when he adjusts his uniform and goes around carrying stuff because MUSCLES.

Wonho: Usually makes himself one or two coffees on the side during each shift (boy sure is addicted). Major flirt (what else do we expect?). Wouldn’t even care if he worked at Starbucks or whatever no-name café, he’d ask for and write down your name just so he’d know it and most probably write his number on the cup, too, if he could get away with it, i.e. the manager wasn’t looking (probably even then tbh). Surprisingly good at the sweet drinks because he seems like he’d like them himself and because it’s his goal in life to make customers happy (“Wonho, you study business and this is a part-time job!” – “So what, the crowd wants what it so pleases!” – “There is no crowd, it’s a week-day at lunchtime, so shut up and finish that mocha right now!”). Also has a surprisingly good memory for people’s favourites and how they like their coffee. Immediately notices when someone’s stressed and makes the coffee somewhat stronger then, but never tones down the teasing (“It’s part of my job to ease the customer’s worries, okay, especially if they’re as pretty as you!” - “Am I paying for the coffee or you sweet-talking?” - “Both!” - “Well, that aside, I really need my caffeine, so could you please hurry up?” - “You wound me…”). Has his share of barista fangirls but it’s mainly his confidence that he HAS them that makes him such a charming man at the counter. Honestly messes up sometimes but always admits to it right away with an embarrassed smile and come on, we’d all live for it.

Minhyuk: In charge of greetings, he kind of has himself to thank for that, because who else would near-shout “WELCOME TO X CAFÉ, PLEASE COME IN!” this enthusiastically and every damn time the door opens (even for his co-workers when they haven’t even opened the café in the morning)? And even greet each customer by name, if he recognizes them, and with a bright “Hello, may I take your order?” or variations depending on a) cuteness of the customer and b) how far manager Jooheon is away? Not really good at making drinks but he always tries. Is all the better at small-talk and makes a game out of guessing customers’ favourite drinks (usually correctly). SO talkative, like, you hadn’t even said hello before he’s asking you about your day and what you’d like and “Ohsorryforbeingbluntbutyourhairlooksreallynicewhatwouldyouliketoorder?”. Not at all shy but he can fake it for the sake of seeming more polite, and he’s really good with businessmen and women due to his eloquence and natural understanding of what tone he has to use. He’s pretty much a butler who only thinks of the customers’ wishes and always remarks on refills, special events or what would be good together with their order. Especially good at handling children in the café because in his former life he was probably a mother of 6 children, let’s be honest; he’s unusually cute to people younger than him, and unusually polite to people older. Service is key to him, and he sells coffee like he’s in a 5-star-restaurant, it’s almost scary. Unless he’s around customers he fancies – then it’s all back to being giggly and joking around with them, AFTER he’s impressed them of course.

Hyungwon: Probably messes up an espresso or two per day because he doesn’t really know what it’s even supposed to taste like. Strangely hasn’t ever got into trouble for it because people are too distracted by his face to complain. Sometimes writes a cute or poetic little message on the paper cups if he feels like it, and customers love them, some even going as far as requesting a “What do you think when you see me?” one-liner (like they do at fansigns +coughs+), and he’s really good and creative with them. Actual sweetheart barista who sees it as a part-time idol job but also a profession and lifestyle (may I say that’s almost Japanese host style? He seems to fit the stereotypes anyway) and wouldn’t let himself be stopped once he starts posing to the customers’ delight. Hands out compliments like sugar and usually before even asking for the order. In charge of promoting the café on Instagram because he has hell of an eye for aesthetics and is good at using SNS. They might use his face for an ad, too. Surprisingly clumsy when it comes to making coffee but he tries his best and is really cute when he concentrates, it makes all the customers feel special.

Kihyun: You don’t expect him to be a bit of an airhead if you just come into the coffee shop once or twice but he really is, and also a bit on the clumsy side. That said, he still tries hard – but also wants to look effortless at everything, which is the root of the problem, mainly. Sometimes asks if they can’t use HIS face as advertisement for the café and everyone just thinks it’s a joke (well…). Would literally smile so much for customers, you’re almost not sure if his cheeks don’t hurt from all that. Gives it his all with latte art, always asks Jooheon for tips, too. Tries to remember all the regulars’ names but doesn’t always get them 100% right. Makes up for it by singing all the songs he knows that are titled “I’m Sorry” and offering coffee on the house (i.e. his own paycheck) for the customers he REALLY likes. Major goofball with the customers he sees more often. Low-key hopes they’re asking for him when he’s not around. Basically always looks like an amateur but no one ever complains about any minor mistakes because he looks so happy being a barista.

I.M: Always torn between wanting to look cool and indifferent and his ambition to be voted barista of the month. Somehow a natural at being efficient, making quality coffee in record time. Not interested in the fancy stuff around it, but is ever-so-polite and his simple way of serving drinks and how he wordlessly brings them to tables makes customers swoon a looot. Doesn’t really bother learning names or orders by heart but he can do the menu on cue and without mistakes. Sometimes messes around a bit if no one’s looking but it rarely affects the coffee – he just has to be told to clean up afterwards. Really good at calculating and usually put behind the counter. Count yourself lucky if you’re one of the few he greets with more than the standard phrase, he might even crack jokes with you, if he likes you. “Please smile a bit more while serving, Changkyun” – “I AM smiling.” Rainbows appear if he gives genuine smiles that are not just business. Loves the classy image the uniform and occupation gives him, it’s frankly the reason he chose the job. Identifies with the values of the chain even and never ceases to remind everyone what they are. Thinks of cute little prizes and events but only ever talks with the manager about it, NO ONE CAN KNOW, and if you happen to find out, you’re dead (and he’s just really embarrassed but he does have good ideas).

Bonus: Jooheon trying to promote his newest creation before giving up and ordering Hyungwon to do it