blckxiii

[blckxiii]

         ☾˟    ━━━       .   .   .     &. ELEV8PHOTO       ▆▆     ▆▆

                           ●    staying in.  don’t wait up.

[blckxiii]

Kimi no na wa (Your Name) OST - Nandemonaiya by RADWIMPS

[blckxiii]

☾˟  __ traverse town __

this is the beginning of a journey.

xiii only struggles slightly under the things she carries in her arms - a console, controllers, and far too many games than could be played in just one afternoon.  but she’s bringing them all anyway, a way to educate the unfortunate soul who doesn’t seem to know what her name was even inspired by, taken from.  and how could anyone not know kingdom hearts? 

she’s certain that when reaper plays through the games, he’ll understand.  but as of right now, he doesn’t quite know xiii is coming over, much less that she’s carrying quite the load with her.  he’s going to play through the series, and she’s going to watch him do it - provided that she doesn’t fall asleep, of course.

this is the beginning of reaper’s journey, and so she knocks on his door.

      ☾˟    ━━━       .   .   .     &. REMEMBER ME?       ▆▆     ▆▆                                                              ___     (     @reaperblck     )     ___   ¹³

[blckxiii]

☾˟  __ catwalk __

it’s a rare occasion, but xiii sometimes walks their kitten on a leash.  today is one of those exceptions, with the sky tinged a blue that’s somewhat gray, and a cool breeze that makes it feel nice to be outside in.  oftentimes, she much prefers curling up in bed and trying to regain her energy, preferring the lazy warmth of blankets and everything that you can do from bed than doing much of anything else.  the only exception to this is training because that’s something that she has to do, but sometimes, it’s nice to break a routine.

for the cat, and for today, she thinks that it’s okay.

her eyes though, still scan the area - something that she’s grown used to, ever since being taken by the collective.  enemies lurk in the strangest places, and even when they don’t, she still feels their eyes.  it’s how she sees another candidate approaching, eyes staring at her as she cautiously makes her way towards her cat.  xiii’s grip tightens on the leash, but she says nothing until she’s too close.  “ what are you doing?”

    ☾˟    ━━━       .   .   .     &. REMEMBER ME?       ▆▆     ▆▆                                                            ___     (     @blckvon​​     )     ___   ¹³

[blckxiii]

☾˟  __ just kitten __

she wonders what mouse is going to think when she drops a bag of kitten supplies on the table.

sometimes, there are things that xiii just does, and she knows that mouse can’t quite figure them out.  she’s like this with everyone, an enigma; often hinting at a wisp of smoke.  she’s never really quite .. there.  but this time, her actions make sense given the mewling in her jacket.  she can’t quite pay it any mind for right now, because the heavens are weeping and she doesn’t want the kitten to catch a cold on his first night at the apartment.

not that mouse knows that she’s bringing a kitten to his apartment - .. their apartment by now, basically.  she stays there far more often than her own.

so in that vein, she’s sure that mouse will look at her so quizzically when she drops bags of supplies on the table.  but in that same thought, she wonders if he’ll really say no to a kitten that climbs out of her wet jacket and pounces to the floor.

     ☾˟    ━━━       .   .   .     &. REMEMBER ME?       ▆▆     ▆▆                                                             ___     (     @mouseblck​​     )     ___   ¹³

[blckxiii]

[blckxiii]

☾˟  __ under my skin __

▆▆  ☾˟  DATED  :     ___  RIGHT AFTER THE COLLECTION SIMULATION  ___

she can feel him somewhere, in places that he shouldn’t be.  like he’s still locked inside her head, hours after the simulation is over with.  xiii isn’t so sure she minds.

it only feels more real when she crawls into their bed, slips under their covers, pulls herself close to mouse’s body and closes her eyes.  if she thinks about it, maybe she can still hear his thoughts echoing in the back of her mind.  after all, xiii can feel how tense he is.  she doesn’t need to look at him to know just how unhappy the simulation made him - it’s all in the tightness of his muscles, the way he grips his fingers into the back of her shirt, like he’s trying to tuck her into his body and melt with her.

xiii never wants to let him go.  if she could somehow slip inside his head and maybe be with him forever, she doesn’t think she’d mind.

for now, though, they’re just two people trying to meet in all the ways two people can.  her lips brush against his neck and finally, xiii’s eyes open as she settles her nose into the crook of it.  there’s a whisper, because they always talk in whispers in their room.  it’s all they ever need, but now with mouse inside her head and slipping through her bloodstream, she doesn’t even need that.

“ you didn’t do anything wrong.” he’ll say that he killed her.  she knows that he’ll say he could have tried harder, they both would have been fine.  she doesn’t have to have mouse in her head to know what he’s thinking, but since she did once, his voice is practically screaming in its echo and all his brokenhearted anger, brokenhearted pain.  xiii presses her body further into his, because she remembers death - because she remembers nothing, and it’s the first time she’s remembered nothing.  another kiss just behind his ear, searching - comforting.  desperate.

“ mouse, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

      ☾˟    ━━━       .   .   .     &. REMEMBER ME?       ▆▆     ▆▆                                                              ___     (     @mouseblck​​     )     ___   ¹³

[blckxiii]

oftentimes, the only one who ever plays the piano for her is mouse.  maybe that’s why she’s drawn to the sound of the notes, because she thinks that maybe it’s him on the keys - maybe he’ll play her a song.  maybe, he’ll let her sleep.  she doesn’t forget that there is more than one person in the world who can play notes on keys, but there is only one person in her world who does.  maybe she just wants to see him for a minute, or ten.  there are a lot of things about mouse that draws her like a moth to a flame.

but by the time that she slips into the shadows and sees who it is at the piano bench, xiii realizes she’s very much mistaken.  this is a man she’s never spoken to, but in the barest few moments passed by in hallways - never a second glance, and him, very much the same.  it’s hard not to pass everyone at least once when they all live in their little “ community”.  she should leave, but she’s loathe to.

after all, the sounds he makes with the piano beg to be heard.

it’s hard not to hear the coldness in his voice, or at the very least, sense it in the way he stops his music so abruptly.  her eyes lift to meet his, and though she holds no fear for him, xiii still bears a bit of hesitance in her voice.  after all, she was listening in on him uninvited.  “ i heard the music.  i thought you were someone else, so i came to listen.”  she pauses, long blonde hair draping over her shoulder as dull eyes stare.  “ ... the sound of the piano ...” the sentence dies off, because it’s not something that xiii will admit to a stranger.

but it’s true that the sound of the piano often helps soothe her.  it often helps to put her to sleep.

— soothing lullabies;

 … loading ▸▹▸  past files ___ ! × × a stranger → @blckxiii​​ ・・・

sitting in front of the piano is like a sanctuary for him, something reaper would never trade for anything else. it’s soothing, it’s calming. it gives him a sense of safety he can’t feel anywhere else in this place – every light tap against the ivory keys filled with fondness and a hint of affection like there’s a real being in front of him. like the instrument is alive and starving for his love, the love he can’t and won’t ever give other human beings.

but it’s easy to give it to the piano.

it’s his sanctuary and, also, a curse at the same time. his head throbbing with a sense of familiarity whenever he plays a song he can’t remember ever learning, the notes burned into the back of his mind. it’s painful and he hates it, but he can’t leave the piano behind, craves its comfort. the comfort it only gives reaper and reaper alone, because he only plays for himself. even though, he feels like it used to be different. feels like he used to play in front of many others. now, it’s just him and he likes it that way.

reaper doesn’t want an audience, doesn’t need one.

this time, though, it seems like someone else is listening. uninvited. reaper notices quickly, the melodies stopping abruptly and causing the room to fall silent. “what the hell are you doing here?” he asks, voice grim. unfriendly and cold. he doesn’t know who it is but easily senses no thread in them. “i don’t remember inviting anyone in here with me.”

[blckxiii]

            ☾˟    ━━━      .   .   .      &.  NOW LOADING        ▆▆      ▆▆                                                                ___     (     SIM B: COLLECT10N     )     ___   ¹³

sometimes, it feels like being put in the simulations feels a bit like acting in a movie with a very real risk of pain.  if you think about it though, it’s true - there’s always the damsel in distress, the beautiful boy, the villain and the hero.  maybe that’s why the collective likes to play around with them so much .. they’re just characters in a movie to them. maybe that’s why they’ve got fans.  xiii always wonders which role she’s been forced in, though, and she’s never gotten an answer.  she doesn’t think that’s going to change now.  in fact, she doesn’t think it’ll ever change.

her feet are slow moving as xiii brings herself to the assigned room, passing by other candidates who look dead in the eyes or just dead tired.  something about this simulation itself isn’t quite normal; of that much, she’s sure.  it’s not like she hasn’t seen this kind of look before,  but not often from coming out of the simulation room.  usually it’s after a mission, and that gets her thinking.  but her feet don’t take her backwards, they only take her forwards - after all, xiii was picked for this test group after all.

   ___     (     EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON’T SAY NO TO THE COLLECTIVE.     )     ___

she never had much of a choice.

going under is a little unusual, but nothing xiii is too bothered by.  it takes a lot longer for the system to boot, which she supposes could be a little nerve wracking for the candidates who haven’t hardened to the situation they’ve been put in yet, but xiii is patient.  she waits.

                               ___     (     NOW _ CONNECTED _ TO . . .     )     ___

- EFFIE - MOUSE - CINNA - AVOX

she barely has enough time to react to the idea that her entire mind is now connected to not only someone else’s, but more than one - for this simulation, there’s a team, and that’s something new.  usually, there’s often just a bunch of npc players she doesn’t really care about. this simulation, though, feels a little too real.  especially in the sense that mouse is there with her.  it’s not like she was given names, she can just feel the differences and the thought processes but mouse is so familiar to her; she just .. knows.  xiii can always find him no matter where he hides.

just the fact that they stuck him in the trial with her is possibly something that xiii should be thinking about because this is the collective.  this is quite possibly their way of telling her that they know, but again, she doesn’t have the time to spare.

          >  DO YOU THINK THEY KNOW ....?

her hands go to her head, eyes squinting shut as she practically hears mouse’s voice swimming across the stream of her thoughts - are these his? is this what he’s thinking? can this machine actually allow her to hear his thoughts? - ... and can he hear hers? one eye opens and it’s still dark, hesitantly she reaches out and calls his name - not with her voice, but with her head.

but there’s no time.

there’s never any time for anything.

all that she has time to do is sink, or swim.

quite literally, because the minute that they’re all connected she’s dropped in the middle of a body of water.  it’s a little unexpected but then, this entire lifestyle brings with it the unexpected.  for just a few seconds, her lungs fill with water and then she’s rushing to swim to the surface.  a gasp of air is all she manages to get before she hears the sound of gunshots, then the sight of bullets sling into her line of vision.  there’s a shout of pain, but xiii pays it no mind.  it doesn’t feel like mouse, it doesn’t sound like mouse, so she just dives back under the water and does her best to swim as far as she can without much air.

when xiii is finally in safer waters, she surfaces.  her eyes quickly scan the group, body drifting of its own accord to mouse’s side.  there’s blood in the water, but it’s not his.  she would know it.  her eyes look through the rest of the faces, all rather unfamiliar to her but only sees effie’s face screwed up in pain.  her eyes quickly glance to mouse and then back - she knows what’s bound to happen.

cinna is the one to speak it into existence.  “ shoot her.” his lips are pressed into a thin line - it doesn’t look like he’s happy about it, but xiii knows they don’t have a choice.  it’s probably for the better, anyway - and this is only a simulation.

effie won’t really die.  she’ll just feel it.

one gunshot, and she sinks below the water.  xiii doesn’t turn her eyes away.

four remaining.  usually, xiii doesn’t group up with more than one person but for a situation like this, one far more combative and a lot more demanding, she thinks it’s probably for the best.  the idea of dealing with blood diamonds is already problematic in and of itself - everyone knows all too well the demons and the stories that surround those precious gems.  she wonders if this is a kind of mission that the collective really expect of them, in the future.  honestly, xiii knows better than to ask.

avox is the one to speak up this time, silent up until now.  xiii’s eyes cast over to him, eyes dull as she pulls her braids up under her helmet.  “ so what is it all of you can do? what’s your weapon?” xiii knew it was a question that needed to be asked, but it’s one that cinna and avox surely won’t like the answer to when they all look at her.  mouse knows all too well what she can do.  the problem is, she couldn’t bring in another weapon on her body besides her cylinder.  which, in most terms of the word, is almost useless in a combat situation.  “ just this.” she finally mumbles, showing off all her defensive gear.  

there’s a derisive sound from avox, and she can hear him mutter that they might as well kill her themselves.  dead weight.  xiii’s eyes flash and in that instant, the helmet starts to fuse to her scalp, closing her off to the world.  “ just below the knee, you have a wound.  you’re suffering from tendinitis.  your shoulder is weak, probably from the way you fell into the water.” he looks at her incredulously - xiii knows it, even if she can’t see it.

“ i’m far from dead weight.” her dull voice mutters, sitting cross legged on the ground.  “ i can tell you where exactly the weaknesses are in the infrastructure, even from all the way over here.”  she can feel mouse’s fury roll off of him in waves, even if he doesn’t express it - even if he doesn’t appear to be angry at all.  it’s just the tenseness of his shoulders, and the way his eyes are on constant alert.

there’s also his voice in her head, cursing avox out in words she doesn’t feel the need to repeat.  her fingers brush against his hip as she lays out a detailed plan - as much as she can, anyway, before the second state shivers and leaves her weak again.  

          >  HE’S RIGHT.           >  IT’S OKAY.  JUST STAY WITH ME.           >  ...

their conversation is silent, and it goes unnoticed by the other two muttering beneath their breath, more than likely about the best way to infiltrate.  her eyes fall on mouse, busy inspecting his weapon and barely paying attention to their mutterings - probably more focused on the conversation they’re having together, than the one they should be having as a team.

          >  MOUSE -           >  DON’T.

xiii sighs a little and decides not to press the topic.  the last thing they need is for mouse to be distracted when he’s the one that’s supposed to take out the two guards in the weakest area so that the other two can sneak in unhindered.  xiii is only going with mouse to make sure that if anything comes up and tries to take him out before he manages to do the one thing he’s tasked with, she’s the one who deals with it - by any means necessary.

his feelings start to swell in her, his unsettled manner - at the situation, at what he has to do, at being here with her and knowing all too well what could happen.  there’s other things mixed in, too: how warm she feels in the morning, how his heart catches somewhere in his throat whenever she looks at him a certain way, the way his eyes linger on her when she turns away.  if avox and cinna see it, they don’t mention it.  but then again, she hasn’t heard them in her mind.  she hasn’t felt them.

she’s only felt mouse.

her eyes lift to him again and stare.  he pointedly doesn’t look at her, but he doesn’t have to.  she knows what he’s feeling.

cinna and avox stand, and the moment’s broken.  xiii’s distracted, but not enough from the feeling of odd contentment, but also the unsettled nerves resting somewhere in her chest.  she hasn’t felt like this before.

but there’s no time to sit and think on it.  there’s never been any time.

it really does start to feel too much like a movie.  the two lovers alone in a dangerous situation, hearts beating as one.  she might have even thought it, at one moment.  xiii could have sworn she heard mouse snort.

          >  I’D HAVE PICKED A BETTER MOVIE.           >  I’LL BE IN ANY MOVIE WITH YOU.

his eyes sneak back at her, though xiii’s face doesn’t portray the thought.  it’s still just the same as before, staring dully back at him until she nods at his gun.  “ pay attention.” this, she says aloud - probably a mistake.  xiii isn’t usually prone to making them, but she thought they were safe.  she thinks anywhere with mouse is safe.  but if this is a movie, there’s bound to be some trouble around the corner.  the collective wouldn’t stand for something as boring as the star crossed lovers taking the easy path - and they are in blood diamond, gang territory.  there is a warlord on a rampage.  she should have known better.

a child soldier slips from the tall grasses they set camp in, and in his hands: a gun.  first, she thinks of the mission - then she thinks of mouse.  she wonders if they’re both one and the same when she blocks the shot with her own body, because mouse is too slow to react.  it’s not as if he has eyes in the back of his head.  

but the gunshot alerts him, and even though his weapon is far more suitable for long range, it does just as well when the bullet rips through the child’s chest and spatters blood and other parts of his humanity on the grass.  but xiii doesn’t pay attention to what happens to him, she knows there’s no time - 

there was never any time.

her fingers are stained red as she pulls them away from the wound in her belly - xiii knows she’s going into shock, with the way her body shakes.  she grows cold and alarmingly hot at the same time, eyes clenched shut and jaw set - 

and there’s still the wild thoughts that run through her head.  the cursing, the scrambling, pain that isn’t her own mixing with her own, a constant struggle - she opens her eyes to see mouse hovering over her, fussing over the wound, screaming in his head, wild eyed and wild thoughts.

her hand clenches at his shirt and she looks at him with vacant eyes.

          >  KILL ME.           >  NO.  WE CAN MAKE IT.           >  YOU KNOW WE’RE BOTH BETTER OFF.  

he doesn’t want to.  in his head, there’s the picture: xiii sleeping in his bed, xiii kissing him in the dead of night, xiii using her fingers to raise goosebumps on his skin.  all of it is now tainted with xiii, now bleeding, xiii - now dying.  she takes in a raspy breath; she knows he doesn’t want to.  but he has to.

          >  THEY’RE WAITING FOR YOU.  AND I’LL BE ON THE OTHER SIDE.           >  I CAN -           >  MOUSE.  PLEASE.

xiii has never asked him for anything like this before.  she hopes she never has to do it again.

the last thing she sees is the pain in his eyes, 

then white.  they’ll succeed without her.

she remembers sitting in a room, at a terminal, answering questions.  funny that xiii is brought back to the start of her life here, and in this moment, there’s that question again on the computer screen:

                     ___     (     WHAT’S AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL?     )     ___

she was right back then.  there’s   N   O   T   H   I   N   G   .

[blckxiii]

☾˟  __ dearly beloved __

▆▆  ☾˟  DATED  :     ___  EARLY FALL OF 2017  ___

it’s only fair to say that xiii trusts fewer people in this game than she can count on the fingers of one hand.  there are plenty who would use her just to expose their names and she would let them, and just as many more that would stab her in the back if it meant a higher score.  all of them are just trying to survive.  all of them just want to leave.  xiii doesn’t blame them, but there is no honour in the actions of wolves.

mouse, though, is the first person and only person she’s trusted from the very beginning before any of this started.  he is someone who slips between the wild of it all and comes out unscathed.  xiii finds a kind of grace in the way he dances out of death’s grip in ways that she never could.  she likes him, she’s drawn to him.  they always manage to come together at the right time, and drift when they don’t.

that’s what makes mouse special.  he’s the only one who understands the way she works.

maybe that’s why mouse doesn’t complain, or doesn’t push her away.  xiii gathers her partners and holds to them fast, he jumps from person to person based on what he thinks he needs but always seems to return back to her.  she values his loyalty, and he opens his home.  quite literally, because when xiii stands at his door, he’s opening it like a mouse would.  like he would.

“ will you play me a song?” she looks at him through lifeless eyes, glitter as they might like marbles in the lighting of his entrance.  i only want to sleep.  for ten minutes, maybe five.

how is it, really, that he can never say no?

       ☾˟    ━━━       .   .   .     &.  REMEMBER ME?       ▆▆     ▆▆                                                               ___     (     @mouseblck​​     )     ___   ¹³

[blckxiii]

;   hello hello, i’m nic and xiii is one of my returning muses from the original run. ; w ; )/ maybe you remember her or maybe you don’t, but i literally applied with xiii like maybe a week after her solo for sitr came out lmao anyways zz ;;; i wanted to bring back both of my old muses because they were very dear to me, so i’m glad that i get a chance to develop them in ways i couldn’t do before.  this is my plot call and intro for xiii, i will make a separate one for bombshell in a post of her own. <:

if you’re interested in plotting with my isabelline strategist baby with an eidetic memory, please like this post.  likewise, you can add my twitter at luvloonas.  there are some little bits of background info below the cut for easier plotting <:

xiii based her name off of organization xiii from kingdom hearts.  yeah, she’s a little bit obsessed with the game okay.  but realistically, now that they’ve all been erased from society, she truly believes they’re nobodies.  likewise, thirteen is also the number of the death card in tarot, as well as the day of her birth.

australian born and raised.  yes, that means the collective relocated her - though it was easier, since jinsoul was visiting korea at the time of her kidnapping.  she was visiting because she had a summer off of university, and she wanted to see korea for the first time.

killed her father in the initiation but doesn’t know about it.  she grew up in a weird position, because her father wanted a son but her mother died shortly after her birth and he never remarried.  so he spent a lot of time basically ignoring her, and any achievement she made was almost passively congratulated.  she never felt as if she won his favour.  

however, when the collective kidnapped her and they tried to give him the pill to make him forget his daughter, he became enraged and so became a victim of the initiation.  she still thinks he took the pill because his life probably wouldn’t miss her.

she was taken in august 2016, and was initiated at the same time as mouse.  he saved her in the free for all battle.

xiii has an eidetic memory and she’s extremely intelligent.  it’s why her cylinder dropped into protective gear only - after seeing the proper handling of a weapon once, and studying forms, she can easily defend herself with a full arsenal.  

because of her intelligence, she’s good at strategy.

isabelline’s baby.  she’s the youngest in the faction so far.

she doesn’t sleep.  no really.  she doesn’t sleep unless she’s around someone she trusts, which amounts to ... mouse.  and somewhat reaper.  he’s probably her friend.

you’ll often find her around mouse.  they’re .. practically dating? though it’s not been outwardly acknowledged.  she often stays in mouse’s room in sinopia, and prob a lot of sinopia guards are mad about him letting her in all the time lmao.

[blckxiii]

In the end, everyone is aware of this: nobody keeps any of what he has, and life is only a borrowing of bones.

Pablo Neruda, from “October Fullness”

[blckxiii]

sweet crazy love