bleach-blood-and-magnolias

[bleach-blood-and-magnolias]

by the way has any of you fellow goretash fools noticed THIS NOTE in Larian’s community update #19:

We know, you want to know if you can romance Lord Enver Gortash! We get it.

i mean

i’m so normal about this but like

WHAT THE FUCK

[bleach-blood-and-magnolias]

i’m losing my shit over how Larian catfished us into expecting Gortash to be this fucking rogue prince charming with a quick smile or whatever

and then we meet him and it’s literally Billie Joe Armstrong going through a midlife crisis so bad he’s like fuck it, i may or may have not been scheming my whole life to be the sole ruler of the entire world so this is kinda unorthodox but i will literally share my throne with you, a person who’s barely got a clue who i am, if you help me out a little, fuck it i’m so stressed out

and of fucking course his archduke portrait needs to be embellished. he will never admit this because it’s so important to him to be perceived as charismatic, powerful, competent and generally really fucking cool, but this man is TIRED. dude was born with bags under his eyes the size of a fist, lived in literall hell, then hustled and schemed his way into the most vicious level of politics, oh and planning the Absolute heist with Princess Stabs and Sad Grandpa certainly didn’t help. i mean we all know how that guy loves to suffer but let’s also all agree that he’s a MESS

like, he probably hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep in years and lives off of coffee and cigarettes and vodka for breakfast and very likely cocaine because not even a triple espresso will do it for him anymore. he doesn’t want you to know but that man is EXHAUSTED and getting offed is actually surprisingly good for his mental health because maybe he’s damned for eternity, but at least he can finally REST for a minute

anyway i love him and the moment he looks up while kneeling during his coronation has altered my brain chemistry and made me switch from rat blood drinker to lord raccoon eyes so fast you couldn’t even say nearest and dearest. being a gortash simp is my personality now and i will hyperfixate on this bullshit till the day i die