bleedingcloud

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No

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no amount of employment could stop me posting on tumblr dot com

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Every time I choose kindness toward my body, I undo a little bit of the world’s cruelty.

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You know for the first 18-ish years of your life everyone your age is mostly doing the same things and then all of a sudden every year for the rest of your life somebody your age is getting divorced while somebody else just learned what a leaf is and you have no idea what’s going on or what you’re supposed to be doing

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so what if I want to have total control over every single thing at all times. just let me lol

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it's so crazy how you actually have to live through everything

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i remember my 18th birthday. my first taste of freedom. you said you’d come visit me at work. you didn’t. instead, i came to you.

i remember driving to your house, the way i always imagined things to be, feeling this sense of uncertainty and excitement about the future. our future, maybe.

i’d always rush there after work. lying to my mom about the hours i worked. risking getting in trouble so i could see you. you’d be sleeping. that was okay. it wasn’t, but i remember the glowing of the tv as your brother and i watched youtube videos and waited for you to wake up.

i remember that summer. i painted pictures on your back. my canvas. you’d scroll on your phone. we loved picnics in the park. you loved the backseat for a bedroom.

all these years later and i still think of you. i wonder if you think of me.

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Slut by Daphne Gottlieb

i die first

in every horror movie, before the innocent boyfriend, the too- curious best friend and the foolhardy pal. death comes blind fast and easy, familiar as the top button of my blouse popping open and suddenly i’m an angel on the cutting room floor, wearing gore, a blank stare, not much more.

i do it over and over. i can play like this for hours.

sometimes i enter a dark room and unbutton my shirt, rock my hips  side to side until the killer’s music comes on. then I button up quick, laughing or shaking, sometimes both.

from the way i look after i’m split open you’d never know: i was born a baby. i still sleep with my stuffed poodle. her name is “tammy.�� after my parents divorced, i wet the bed for a year. i want to be a nurse. my favorite color is blue.

first kiss at 12, first shame at 13, first blood at 14. skipped four years of gym, skimmed just the tips of my stepfather’s fingers, nothing more. i never took my clothes off for a doctor but my body became a secret handshake all the boys knew and i didn’t. the ghost story made me a ghost.

now, at 16, i only remember my own skin when i am touched. it makes me real when i strip down, take it off, find the edges of my body through your eyes or under your hands, against your skin. it feels like death every time you stop.

there is nothing i can do except open my throat and say the word for girls who are the ghosts of want:

“slut.” i’ll take my shirt off while you watch— call it love when the knife rips through my ribs, when the ice pick cracks my chest, or however it happens this time but first

here’s my prayer: that what happens to girls like me who die dirty, give it up with a shudder like pleasure— pray that when we’re killed as martyrs we get loved like saints.

- from her collection Final Girl

And you can find new work by Gottlieb all over our store.

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The most evil person you know is posting about being a people pleaser

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it's a depressing app but I still use it everyday

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I mean surely we all grew up feeling like there was a wrongness inherently deep inside us that will endure for the rest of our lives

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i love you just a million times

i love you even though it isn’t fair

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i’ve been thinking about a retributive system of justice. punishment should follow a just desert, meaning the guilty should receive a punishment they just deserve.

nullum crimen sine lege, nulla poena sine lege.

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propaganda i am not buying into:

SSRIs

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i’ve been thinking about a retributive system of justice. punishment should follow a just desert, meaning the guilty should receive a punishment they just deserve.

nullum crimen sine lege, nulla poena sine lege.

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