bleekay - Tumblr blog

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There is always too much money available to punish the vulnerable, then conversely no money to make their lives worse.

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ever since i was a little girl i've always wanted a hysterectomy

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at my sketchbook. straight up “drawing it”. and by “it”, haha, well. let’s justr say. Nothing

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sorry....... i just need this ok

so a week ago woody got an allergy shot. he's been acting strange for the past week, then the past 2 days has been sick. like. shivering, whimpering, doesn't wanna eat, running hot (altho we dont have anything to check his temp), lethargic, just overall not a happy boy. not feeling good. he seems to be protecting his belly. i start keeping track if he's pooped, he didn't yesterday but did this morning, so no blockage, but the poop was hard so probably has been constipated. but i don't think thats all right. because he's got a lipoma on his right hip/leg, usually squishy soft, and now it's got a little hard spot in it. i'm not freaking out abt cancer because this has happened once before after a rabies vax. the tech that gave him the shot nicked the lipoma and pushed some of the shot into it. made him super sick for like a week but he recovered. his lipoma was hard for like 2 months after that. then it became squishy again. so now, all of a sudden after a shot it's hard again? i'm like. i bet they put the shot in it. like i dont wanna go in guns blazing right. so i call the vets office and im like "hey so do you have on his file what location on his body he got the shot in?" and they say right back leg. i'm like. "yeah. i thought so. the boy hasnt been feeling good and we think its because of this shot being put into his lipoma so could you fit us in today to check up on him" and OUR vet isnt there but another vet is. usually i'd be like. hell no i'll wait for our vet thanks. but like he's not feeling good so i'm like fine whatever. called 8am got an appt for 4:30pm.

he starts feeling a little better today. he ate breakfast, although i made just like. mush out of his wet food, some canned pumpkin, and unsalted chicken broth. he's moving around a bit more. still slow, still careful and lethargic, but visibly better. so i take him in, tell the vet tech what's going on, tell her i'm like pretty certain it was this shot, and maybe some constipation. he's doing a bit better. maybe we could use some pain meds and a tummy med. actual vet comes in and i'm like. immediately feeling off bc i feel like i recognize them. we put woody up for his exam, they spend about 45 seconds palpating him and asking questions, he's clearly uncomfortable and nervous, trying to get away from them and into my arms. they say this moving away from them while they're trying to palpate his back is a sign that he's got back pain and that's the reason for everything. the hunching and tail tucking and shivering and whimpering is cause he's got an issue with his back. guys. he was pulling away from them quite clearly because he did not want a stranger touching him, not because they were touching a sore spot. they fully determined in less than a minute that he has Back Pain and so we should put him on a muscle relaxer and gabapentin. ignored my entire thing about him protecting his belly, about his lipoma getting hard because of the shot, in fact at first argued with me about like "oh they usually give the shot here on this side so they wouldnt have done that" i was like "i literally called and asked where they gave the shot and they pulled up his record and told me it was the right back leg. where his lipoma is." and they were like "well it wouldnt affect him even if it did, it just goes under his skin" like dude you are not listening to me. one week ago we brought him in and he was FINE. and then he got a shot, in the side where his lipoma is, a lipoma which now has a hard spot in it, and he's been sick. do you see the progression??? do you????

vet left the room and i immediately texted my mom about it and she was like "????? he does NOT have back pain what" so im like. no way im gonna buy expensive meds for this problem that he doesn't have. and there was just something. Something. about this vet that instantly reminded me of the vet jessie saw shortly before she died.

ok so. rewind. back to a couple years ago. jessie has been uncoordinated. she's having mobility issues. she's having episodes of twitching, little spasms all over her body. she seems coherent, but uncomfortable and unhappy. we take her to the vet to see what's going on. the vet comes in, does the exam, does a blood draw to run a full panel. this vet tells me they suspect. that jessie has. (wait for it.) back problems. jessie has back problems which are causing all these symptoms. get a call a couple days later from this vet, "everything looks fine on the blood test!" i say "ok great please send me a copy of the report" and they go "oh ok, just so you know, there's one thing off on the panel, the blood sugar is really low, but that's just an artifact, someone left the sample out too long before testing it happens all the time, so there's nothing to worry about"

guys. this is that vet. this is that same vet. i didn't recognize the name, but the face. i recognized the face. i came home to check the records, and it was the same vet telling me today that woody has back problems that told me two years ago that jessie had back problems.

so. with that in mind. jessie died about a month and a half after that vet visit. from severe chronic hypoglycemia. you know. the low blood sugar that showed up on the blood test that was "nothing to worry about."

god i wish i had known i wish so fucking badly i had known to just. ask for another check on her sugar levels. but i didn't. so i kept treating her for nerve issues in her back, potential neurological symptoms, because this vet decided that her blood sugar levels meant nothing on the blood test.

so. you know. did not buy the meds for woody today. do not believe this person even a tiny bit. did my own palpation with his back multiple times with zero indication of any pain response.

i'm. i'm so furious you dont even fucking know. the absolute trauma that was just dug up by me taking my sick dog to see the same vet who absolutely fucked over my other dog by not giving a shit.

like. listen. im fully aware that jessie's issues were not fixable. the emergency vet that we took her to on her last days of life said there was a high probability based on her sugar and insulin levels was that she had an insulinoma, which also likely wouldn't have been operable. shit, even if it were, we would have never been able to afford the surgery or subsequent radiation and chemo. but jesus fucking christ they knew!!! they knew her blood sugar levels were dangerously low on that blood test 6 weeks earlier, and we could have at least mitigated it in the short term, could have made her life a little easier toward the end. could have even. fucking. planned for a gentle euthanasia. instead she had multiple violent terrifying grand mal seizures. i held her in the car through more. by the time we actually got to the er vet my arms were trembling from holding her through ten fucking full body seizures in the car.

im. im crying rn hold on.

the thing is im so so angry that she could have been given a gentle end to her life and she didn't get that. when they called us in to put her down, because she couldn't stop seizing if they didn't have her on a constant IV with sugar, she looked ragged. she looked sick. she was nervous and tired. she wasn't herself. she had lost something through all those seizures.

and now. like. i never expected to see this vet again right. i wasn't gonna ever confront them. its just. happenstance they ended up where i was going. not only was this visit today sucky because i put woody through this for nothing but also. worse fucking throwback in the world. god, idc if they mean well, idc if they're doing their job, they fucking suck and i hate them. and i put so much of the blame for how jessie went out. on this one person. who could have saved jessie so much pain.

today hasn't been great.

oh i’m fuming i’m fuming and laughing what a pointless fucking vet visit

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oh i’m fuming i’m fuming and laughing what a pointless fucking vet visit

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this frame from the fallout tv show is so funny i nearly puked watching it

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Bit telling that for years and years evangelical religious extremists have been allowed on university campuses with their bullhorns and horrific imagery where they harass students into physical altercations and when students complain to the university’s administration they just shrug their shoulders citing freedom of speech but when those same tuition-paying students start protesting against war and genocide they call SWAT

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why didn't anyone tell me it was lesbian visibility week

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queen of the world to me

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The sick reality is that many of the renowned academics and writers among Gaza's thousands of martyrs will, in twenty years time, be quoted and memorialised by the same universities and institutions that have denigrated them and enabled their slaughter.

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When I made this post just ten days ago, it was about mass graves discovered at Al Shifa hospital and now we have learned that the same had happened at Nasser hospital in Gaza. The same genocidal pattern: a hospital is put under siege, patients and medical staff are abducted, tortured and buried in mass graves.

But to build on the last point I wanted to bring attention to in the previous post, it is very crucial to also keep in mind is that the Palestinian Civil Defence have reported that Israel had deliberately concealed the identities of those it killed and buried in these mass graves. Close to 400 bodies have been buried in these mass graves, 58% of the recovered bodies have not been identified.

In a press conference, a spokesperson of the civil defence in Gaza said that Israel had intentionally disfigured the bodies postmortem in order to remove any identifying markers such as birthmarks. He also mentioned that they suspect that the bodies have been placed in body bags that expedited the decomposition process, destroying any possibility of them being identified.

One of the main and only ways families have been able to identify the bodies of their loved ones is through the clothes they remember them wearing the last time they saw them. I saw a video of a mother identifying her son by his striped jacket. You can see the grief mixed with relief that she will be able to give her son proper burial.

Remember when months ago I said that to be identified and buried in Gaza has become a luxury? This is very much still the case.

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thinkin of quitting my job to become a full-time horrifying void entity

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"this too shall pass" well can it fucking get on with it