bleusorrow

[bleusorrow]

becoming the thing you feared because you were scared of it is......... quite a trip.

[bleusorrow]

kinky as fuck but with a soft heart

[bleusorrow]

i just want some peace

[bleusorrow]

this is too hard

[bleusorrow]

you ever feel like you're forgetting something really important?

like

you know it's a big deal, but you can't place why?

[bleusorrow]

why is it that when the weather sucks, my depression spikes?? can that not be a thing please

[bleusorrow]

your wounds won't heal if you keep ripping them open.

[bleusorrow]

i'd say "i need a drink" but 'thalo would prolly kill me for even joking about ending my sobriety like that, heh heh.

[bleusorrow]

one of those days

[bleusorrow]

my head still hurts.

why does my soul feel so heavy...?

like there's someone who should be here, but isn't...

i... i don't wanna forget them.

it feels like they're... important.

[bleusorrow]

i miss so many people.

i miss all my friends. i miss ace and paige and their kids, i miss rouge and oyuki, i miss azure and gumi and crimson. 

i miss mado. i miss phthalo. i miss sol. i miss roux.

i miss my best friend. 

i miss everybody so much. 

but i’m just so tired. 

i’m tired of having to rely on drugs to be happy. i’m tired of being stuck with the same old trauma every single fucking day. 

i’m sick of thinking of him whenever i see the color red. i’m sick of having to make batch after batch of hemp lanced brownies just to keep myself sane. 

i’m sick of this. 

i want something to change. 

i need to something to change. 

[bleusorrow]

No, you’re not.

[bleusorrow]

solutions // 6.9.2019

[bleusorrow]

this makes me awfully sad

[bleusorrow]

what the fuck did i ever do to deserve it

and why did you make me feel like i do

[bleusorrow]

[bleusorrow]

                    you can judge me how you see fit

                               you can punish me as you see fit

                                            (  i’ve  already  been  to  hell  )