blindlyploddung-blog

[blindlyploddung-blog]

The origins

 This is the anniversary of one of the scariest curveballs that life has thrown at me so far. The anniversary of blindness. I am writing this blog to share my triumphs and testimonies with people who are needing it. It’s a whirlwind of a journey, life, and it will carry on being.

To start, how I went blind.

I was working in a bar part time and so stressed. The previous year I left sixth form with one and a half A levels, not enough for university. Taking up a job was the necessary thing to do, and the first interview and job I had was as a Laboratory Technician at a chemistry lab. It was very fun… until they made me redundant. My favourite pub was next on the list, but bar work was not my forte. Introvert in an extrovert’s world was not easy.

Then I started to get headaches, heavy ones. Some days it felt like someone was trying to scoop my eye out with a spoon. Light sensitivity came next. Every time walking from night outside to the bright pub lights was excruciating. Still I went on. Then while on a break out back of the pub I realised I couldn’t see out of the bottom half of my left eye.

This kept going for a few weeks. I was at London comic con in May with half an eye not working. It was a strange clumsy day but got through it unscathed. The next day was Slam Dunk festival where I was working, checking everyone’s tickets and giving out wristbands. That’s where it hit me, hot and cold flushes, being sick and wobbly on my feet. I stepped to the side and collapsed. The next moment I woke up, not knowing where I was or why I couldn’t see. They told me I had been there for hours.

No one knew what had happened, not even the professionals. A lot of tests, MRI, CT scan and Lumbar Puncture (so painful) came back and still no idea. I got transferred to the London hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery three days after I went blind and on the first night of being there I was in surgery.

Morphine is a weird thing when your eyes don’t work. It was the first time I had seen anything all week, an abandoned, rotting house with red/orange lighting. In fact, I was in recovery then in ICU. 18 hours of life saving surgery and I thought they put me in an abandoned house with this nurse. Turns out I had a blood clot in my brain which had caused my optic nerves to be damaged.

The next few weeks were tough, but friends and family were around so I wasn’t too bored in hospital. Normally hospitals are restful places where you can relax and get better, maybe with a book. Books are one of my favourite pastimes. Even the feel of books and turning the pages soothes me, but no eyes working meant audiobooks had to suffice. I enjoy them now, but at the time they would just send me to sleep, even before blindness.

The doctors said after the surgery that I would get some eyesight back but don’t know how long it will take and don’t know how much it will improve. It was so hard to get that verdict.

My partner got a lot of the backlash but he was my rock. There were only a few times I cried and, yes, one time it was about not being able to see the last few episodes of a Supernatural season, but come on I was on the most shocking plot twist yet.

Plot twist I’m blind…. Was not expecting that.

My eyes had improved after leaving the hospital after a month. I could see major contrasts, like shadows. When someone stands in front of a bright window and you can only see their silhouette, that was the only instance I could see, major contrasts, black and white, light on dark.

Safe to say, couldn’t go to work, spine, head and stomach surgery, on blood thinners, oh and still couldn’t see properly.

There was a routine to answer the question can I read? I’d pick up a book and flick to a random page. Every day the answer was no. So, tried again the next day, and the next. After a few months and a moving of house, I was still picking up a book everyday always longing to read again.

So now, two years later, I am extremely happy to say this but I finally can read with magnifiers and I’m loving every second. I have tunnel vision in one eye, so much more sight than I’d assumed I was going to get back.

My aim this year is to get a place at university and be able to work and live as close to “normal” and as adventure filled life as the next man. The past few years have been extremely tough for everyone. My disability is a joint effort between my support network and I cannot thank them enough. I try to show how grateful I am to each and every one of you by doing my absolute best and sharing and (hopefully) helping anyone who I can at life’s curveballs.