blinksharx - Tumblr blog

[blinksharx]

whatever at least I can say someone definitively lusted after me this year and also I had the hottest make out session of my life. everything else fell apart but at least I know someone out there was wild about me even if it was way too shortly lived.

[blinksharx]

why did I meet someone who seduced and then rejected me, who took me in and then pushed me out, who used sugared words when we met and then now spits acid?

I am a fool. I have lost so much in this. I have lost my Margarita, my sense of worth, sense of self… I’ve lost my savings. I’ve lost my mind.

I don’t know how to stop.

[blinksharx]

nothing like getting my heart broken over and over and over and over with no end in sight. when she died, all I have done is crumble in the midst of trying to hold myself together.

[blinksharx]

Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel

[blinksharx]

how am I supposed to go on without my margarita??? how am I supposed to fall asleep alone??? how am I supposed to care about anything to do with my future. She died and left me behind. I’ve been truly abandoned.

[blinksharx]

I could have prevented this maybe. If I hadn’t enabled her. If I hadn’t joined her. If I didn’t let bitterness hold me back from expressing love. If I had been honest. Maybe she would be alive.

[blinksharx]

my beautiful wonderful kind loving compassionate funny tender hearted girl, how you suffered in this life. I love you and I know you loved me. We eased each other’s loads and now I will carry yours for you with me for the rest of my life. I will never let your flame die out.

[blinksharx]

She’s gone. She’s gone. The love of my life is gone. Everything was going so well. I was so mad at her because she was choosing drugs over me. But she didn’t really choose, they pulled her in. And now they’ve taken her. And I was so mad I didn’t demand a hug goodbye. I was so mad I didn’t tell her I love her. She had to know, though, that I did. Nothing would have hurt the way it did if I didn’t love her with my entire fucking being.

I miss her. Already. It’s been one day. I have to go the rest of my life without her now.

[blinksharx]

My move surprised me. I’ve met… amazing people, my work environment improved, I’ve got a great support system that -I- built. People like me. People say I change things for them. They tell me I am a ray of sunshine and they care about me. I’m meeting people that change things for -me-. I’ve found community here and it is rich with so many different life experiences and it’s beautiful how we connect with each other like the roots of trees.

It’s hard because florida as a state is scarier than where I lived in terms of politics and also lol bugs and also my nephew is 1500 miles away :/

But I’ve come to fall in love with what I’ve found here and I don’t know what to do about it.

[blinksharx]

frantically trying to scoop my guts back inside of me. for years I have hated myself every way possible and it has made everything miserable and difficult. I cant believe I met someone who is so … who makes me want to love myself more than I love anyone else on the planet.

I’m excited and scared and it’s exhilarating.

[blinksharx]

Hummingbird is relaxing after drinking a lot of flower nectar.

[blinksharx]

John Galliano for Givenchy FW 1996

[blinksharx]

Sam Wise with frosted tips wearing an upside down sun visor and puka shell necklace

[blinksharx]

wherewolves

[blinksharx]

i'm just a shell of a person. i have no desires. i don't want to do anything. get attached to anyone. leave my house. live. just want to physically fade the same way my mind has.

[blinksharx]

i truly believe that a lot of what gets labeled as “yearning” on here is actually deep & profound & excruciating loneliness & i really think we would have more productive discussions about it if we could just call a spade a spade

like loneliness is an incredibly serious mood state that has major implications for your physical & mental health & the pain it causes is far more intense than simple “yearning.” a deep, agonizing longing for human connection is actually a really really big deal

[blinksharx]

So mentally I’ll I’m making myself fade from everyone’s lives