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7/15/20 - Financial Update

My fiance had recently been out of work for a total of a month without pay which has hurt us financially to the point that we had to take desperate measures. 

As for a quick background why he was out of work was due to the amount of Covid cases confirmed in his department was concerning considering I am pregnant. He had also been tested at the hospital around a few days after my birthday and thankfully, he is negative but he had to be out of work for a minimum of two weeks until he has been cleared by his doctor. 

Here are the following things we have done in order to stay afloat and these things are not something we’re proud of but it’s one of those things that you gotta do what you need to do to support your family the best you can with what you have.

Due to Covid, many credit card companies are offering payment relief for two to three months of allowing their customers to not pay BUT they will still be charged interest. So of course, I took that opportunity for two of my credit cards. I do plan on paying small amounts each month or perhaps the interest that way it doesn’t continue to increase my total balance.

This one I’m mainly shameful of but I will be asking my mom if we could possibly borrow a small loan from her and of course I will be paying her back as soon as we’re able in order to get our car out of repossession. I am hopeful that we will be able to catch up soon.

I have called our apartment manager and advised her of our situation. Luckily, she will be allowing us to pay at least 10 days late from the first of August without any late fees. This will allow us time to save for rent. 

We are now doing grocery shopping once a week only for less than $150 because before, we would take two grocery trips each week which was more expensive. 

We have cut out shopping and decreased on eating out which is totally fine since we do need to put our extra money towards our debt.

We now use our washing machine and dryer every three days rather than every other day. This will decrease the amount of our electricity spending as well as my building’s water bill. 

I only use the dishwasher machine every other day rather than everyday also.

I’m hoping that we will financially regain where we were or better by September or October before our daughter comes out in the world.

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7/14/20 - Toddler Activities

I’ve become more determined in playing with my son as far as learning activities go. Since we’re still in quarantine and it’s hot outside, we’re making the most of what we have at home. 

Yesterday, we finished reading Harry Potter’s Sorcerer’s Stone and played with stackable rings. I know he’s too young to understand Harry Potter books but I read an article as well as recommended by his pediatrician that reading books or constant talking helps toddlers develop their vocabulary regardless of the topic. He is progressing in using colors and size when we were playing with the stackable rings last night. He was also experimenting in trying to stack them in different orders which I thought was his way of either being creative or his thought process of trial and error. I continued to encourage his behavior of trying by staying “keep going” or “you’re doing great” and cheered him on when he would stack them correctly by clapping and saying “great job”.

Today, we read one of his Dr. Seuss books and he wasn’t as interested as the Harry Potter book which I was surprised with since this has colorful pictures. I did continue reading and showing him the fun characters. We played with his shape sorting bucket this evening but he was a bit crabby because I think he was just tired. But he did manage to get one of the shapes in the correct slot which of course, I cheered him on. Otherwise, he didn’t care much to play this late. 

Tomorrow, I plan on reading him at least ten pages of the Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets book possibly later in the evening close to his bedtime and choose an activity to play with him earlier on so he’s not so tired. I haven’t decided on an activity just yet but I’m sure I can find something in his toy box or an everyday household item.

My goal is to not only be able to connect with Reagan but to educate him the best as I can in the most fun matter everyday.

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7/6/20 - 18 Months

My fiance and I took our son to his 18 month wellness visit. He is a healthy boy and growing well. A concern from his pediatrician is he is slightly delayed on his speech. He is able to say mama, dada, and no. To be honest, this concerned both my fiance and I but a lot of other moms have reassured us that this is normal for boys. 

My goal this summer is to be consistent on reading to Reagan at least 5 times a week, allow him to watch educational kid shows / movies, and to be more vocal with what I’m doing in the house. The last part I learned from parents in YouTube where you describe what you’re doing so the toddler knows how to correlate what you’re doing to the words you’re saying. For example, advise the toddler that you’re washing the dishes as you’re physically washing the dishes. 

On a positive note, our son is able to communicate when he’s hungry. He leads us to his high chair or immediately joins us when we are about to serve food after cooking. 

I’m going to stay positive and determined to teach my son to speak and able to understand more words this summer.

On an unrelated note, I apologize for not being consistent with blogging. My fiance has been out for two weeks off of work since he has coworkers in his department that have been affected with covid-19 and he wants to stay safe by staying home to avoid passing it to my son and I. 

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27 - 6/22/20

Happy 27th birthday to me this past Saturday. I was sick with food poisoning and so was my fiance. Reagan also had some stomach bug. This went on on Fathers’ Day also. 

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately where I felt like I was neglecting to take care of myself because I need to take care of other people first. I hate to sound selfish but one thing I really wanted for my birthday is to celebrate it by myself. I love my little family but for once, I want to put myself first. I feel like the small moments I have to myself, I rush and don’t even get a chance to savor the time I have. It’s been eating me alive and I am starting to feel desperate for self care. I’m so exhausted. 

I’m sorry for venting. I know a birthday is suppose to be a day of joy to celebrate but I was filled with anxiety and trying to focus on taking care of everyone while I was also suffering from food poisoning. I know I deserve a break and one day, I hope I get just one day or even half a day just to myself. That’s all I want. I love my family but I’m losing love for myself every second I put myself off.

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Father’s Day - 6/17/20

Father’s Day is this Sunday. I’m happy to celebrate it with my fiance who is such an amazing father to Reagan. I love the bond they have together and it fills up my heart. We are at a point in our relationship (7 years strong) where we simply ask each other what we would like for whatever holiday or birthday. This year, I asked him a month ahead what he would like and he said he wants shirts as he goes through clothes often. He works at a warehouse so his clothes wear and tear quite a bit more than me. One thing I love about him is he’s practical. Sure he likes toys such as tech or games but he mostly value practical things like useful items for himself or for the apartment hence why he asked for shirts. I asked him earlier this week if he’d like anything else more of a treat or a want and he said no, he has everything he wants. I’m thinking of getting him an Xbox 1 controller as a backup maybe on my next paycheck. Our son broke one of his controllers yesterday (I’m not sure how he did it lol). It won’t be technically a father’s day gift but I know it’s a fun treat he would like.

I’m not in speaking terms with my dad which I find unfortunate. It’s a long story that I’ll write about next time. I do wish we would have a better relationship but sometimes I feel like it’s always me putting in the effort. It gets exhausting after awhile and I feel unappreciated. I’m literally an only child but I get treated as if I’m unwanted. I’m not trying to be sad but this is from my heart. 

When I see my fiance with our son and their strong bond, sometimes I wish my dad had given me the same type of relationship. Maybe he did when I was younger but now that I’m an adult, literally anything (knock on wood) could happen to me and he wouldn’t be there by my side. My fiance honestly has been my rock since I fell in love with him. He taught me so much of being an adult, that I deserve to be treated well, love, how to be a parent, and simply getting to know who I am and what I aspire to be. 

I’ve been feeling quite heavy towards my dad but I feel like it’s impossible to talk to him how I feel. Believe me, I tried. Then again, it’s always one sided. One thing that breaks my heart is how absent my parents are in my son’s life. Reagan deserves better grandparents who will love him and be present in his life. They say it takes a village to raise a child and my parents had the privilege to raise me with THEIR village. I didn’t but you know what, it taught me to be strong, independent, and smart with my choices as a parent. I honestly would not know how I could’ve done it without my fiance. 

This Father’s Day, I want my fiance to know how incredible of a human being he is as a father and my soon to be husband. I love him so much.

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Midpoint - 6/15/2020

I haven’t been active on blogging since my fiance took two weeks off of work. There has been three cases of covid in his department and since I’m pregnant, he wanted to keep himself and our family safe. Today is first day back to work and I must say, as much as I enjoyed him helping around the house, I am more productive when we are working opposite shifts.

For example, I was able to accomplish the following today after I got off at 10am from work:

Grocery run

Wash dishes

Fold laundry

Cook early dinner

Clean out the top of the fridge

Vacuum

Give our son a bath

Not that I don’t do any of the things above on a daily basis but I felt more motivated and productive.

In a few weeks, we will be switching shifts where he will be working mornings and I will be working late afternoons to night time. I work in retail so my nights aren’t so late anyway. I don’t mind working later because I know business is much slower and there’s more room for improvement for myself. I can also try to sleep in during mornings if my son allows me lol.

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June - 6/3/2020

June is my birthday month, father’s day, and when summer begins. I am a hundred percent summer girl. I enjoy the heat of AZ even though most would say I’m crazy but it’s only dry heat which is bearable as long as you stay hydrated and wear sunscreen. 

I have written a few goals I’d like to achieve this month in regards to my health:

Emotional Health: Empathy. I plan to improve my active listening skills and think twice before speaking. I find this important not just through everyday social interactions but even at work.

Mental Health: Savoring breaks. Although I have breaks at work or while I do homework at home, I would love to learn different ways to simply breathe and decompress. After all, that is the purpose of having a break.

Physical Health: Stretching. To be honest, it’s been awhile since I stretched my body thoroughly and I’ve been told by my OB doctor that it is good to stretch especially being pregnant. My goal is to have natural labor with Charlotte so I need to be more consistent with this.

Other goals:

Work: Master shift tasks confidently.

Finance: No shopping for useless things and eat out less.

Friends: Keep in touch by meeting with at least one friend once or every other week.

Family: Create summer activities for Reagan weekly.

Relationship: Plan movie nights with Charles and one date night per month.

This may seem a lot but it’s truly achievable! I will do a goal update halfway through the month and of course an end of the month results!

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Hair - 5/27/20

I recently got a haircut this Monday and it is now about six inches shorter with a few layers to add volume. I think this is one of the shortest haircut I’ve ever got as an adult and I am extremely happy with it. It is natural color which is black. I don’t think I’ll have it dyed any time soon just because I have no interest in maintaining it nor spending the money for it.

For the past year, I’ve kind of neglected my hair as far as rarely styling or even getting it trimmed every few months. Honestly, the last time I got a haircut was last April before I left AZ to live in NC for a few months. Ever since I’ve become a mom, I’ve probably styled my hair less than ten times for the past two years.

I’m grateful to have a friend who is also a hair stylist that have shown me a couple of simple hairstyles I can do with my new short-medium hair. So far, I’ve only French braided my hair for work but tomorrow, I’m thinking of maybe leaving it down and braiding the sides so my hair is out of my face. I’m also going to check out more hairstyle inspirations on Pinterest.

My hair goals going forward include:

Getting a trim every 3-4 months

Style it often

Continue using natural products that are cruelty friendly

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Friendships - 5/22/20

I remember when I was a kid, I found it so easy to make friends especially at school. I enjoyed getting to know others and sharing their company. I’m an only child and my family are all out of state or out of the country so having friends is as close as I’m going to get to having siblings. 

Now as an adult, finding friends is challenging. I’m considered in my late twenties and I’ve had maybe a handful of friendship breakups in the past five years. Would I say I am sad about it? No. I would say I am relieved by the decisions I made to cut people out of my life which has impacted me positively mentally and emotionally. 

I realized I’m mostly used as a “convenience” friend or tag-along friend which means former friends hung out with me due to the benefits I offer or simply because I’m in the area that they’re on standby to hang out with someone else in a few minutes / hours. I’ll give you an example. A former friend of mine has asked if she can use my Netflix account. As a friend, I was like “sure”. It didn’t bother me since it’s just one streaming service that I pay little on each month. Then as time progressed, she would ask me for a free pound of coffee as my weekly mark out at work. I didn’t mind it at first because I don’t go through brewed coffee at home that quick anyway. I may drink a cup or two within a week usually on my days off like I still have the Christmas blend that I picked up from December lol. Then she started asking for my Amazon Prime account and my fiance’s work discount. At this point, my fiance was like “dude, she is taking advantage of us that she doesn’t offer to pay any of it nor offer you some sort of benefit in return”. 

End of story, I cut her off explaining the why along with other toxic behavior she has towards me and men in her life. She obviously didn’t understand it enough since our last conversation was her putting blame on me and not taking ownership of any mistakes that she has done. At this point, I stopped responding. 

This is just the most recent friendship break up I dealt with a month or two ago as an example I’d share. I learned that people will take advantage of your kindness even if you have positive intent towards them. If it wasn’t for my fiance pointing out the facts of what he sees in perspective and sharing me his concern, I would’ve never realized how much I’ve enabled her to take advantage of us. I also learn that we must pick our battles. I chose to stop responding not because I wasn’t getting the solution I want (which is for us to be friends again like normal) but it was because I was sick of her lack of moral and ownership that she claims to have. She showed her true colors when I called her out on what was going on. Sometimes, calling people out (the right way, the right time) will truly bring out their character and their intent towards you and others.

Going forward, I am going to be more self-aware of the people I potentially choose to be friends with and set boundaries from the beginning. As of right now, I can honestly say I have a good handful of friends that I can trust and enjoy my time with. I don’t always talk to them on the daily basis but when I text or call them (they reciprocate the same actions and efforts too), we pick up on conversations we left off and get caught up on what we’re up to with our lives. 

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Job - 5/20/20

I am a shift supervisor at Starbucks. My one year anniversary is at the end of the month which I feel like flew by quickly. I’ve been a shift supervisor since February and to be honest, it has been quite challenging. My strengths include communication, leading, and supporting. My weaknesses include minor mistakes that shouldn’t exist but it does since I’m human but I am doing my best to cover my basis each day and going off a mental check list when I run the floor.

The degree I am pursing works hand in hand with my job that I plan to create into a career someday. I do want to grow into the corporate path within the business industry. While I am still in college, I plan to stay as a shift supervisor and master the role within 6-8 months since I got promoted. My next step hopefully before the year ends (or even after 2020), I would like to become an assistant manager. 

Of course, in order to get where I need to be, I need to make less mistakes and continue my development within leadership. I think while I have this blog, I will do monthly updates as far as my growth just to see where I am at such as celebrating successes and discussing improvements. 

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College - 5/19/20

This year, my goal is to get as much of my required classes completed so I can get into my bachelor degree program which is in Business. 

Currently, I am taking business analytics which is math for business. Not a fan but I gotta do it. My challenges are inverse matrices and three variable system equations. I can do them easily using a TI-84 calculator (online because I don’t know where my physical TI-84 calculator is) but doing so by hand drives me crazy. I’m still on week two of my class so I’m trying to manage my time well so I can focus on studying and improving the topics I’m struggling on.

In the late summer, I plan on taking a business elective class which is politics. Not the most fun subject but it’s some credits that will add onto my degree positively. Also, I’ve been taking nothing but accounting and math classes which I am sick of. I enjoy taking classes more so on learning about facts and loads of information. 

I already gave myself an expectation that this year of my college life wouldn’t necessarily be the most fun but I know it has great purpose towards my degree. This is just my way of trying to think positively to motivate me as time goes by.

I have hope and motivation that I will pass my classes and get the support I need if I do come across of needing it such as tutoring and reaching out to my instructor or classmates. All the classes I’m taking are online so this allows me more freedom as far as my time management goes.

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Motherhood - 5/13/20

It’s been years since I’ve been on this site but I would like to get back into journaling. Not necessarily for public but for me to freely express my thoughts for my own peace.

Motherhood for me currently has been kicking my ass but honestly, it’s rewarding. I love my son, he is incredibly smart and full of joy. He’s in his toddler years so lots of learning and wandering. His favorite form of communication is shaking his head no. I remember when he was still an infant, my dad would shake his head in front of him to entertain him and he would giggle every time but he hasn’t seen my dad in maybe months so I’m not sure how he managed to remember this. 

I am expecting a little girl this October. My fiance and I already have a name picked out for her and a color scheme for her wardrobe. I’m not much of a pink person but mauve and pastel pink are acceptable. We are incredibly excited and I think it’ll be the perfect age gap with my son. They will be two years apart once she’s born.

I’m 19 weeks pregnant as of this week which means according to my Bump app, she is about the same size of a mango. I’ve been feeling pretty energized this second trimester. As far as negative symptoms, I do feel the occassional nausea mostly in the late afternoons and early evenings. I purchased a morning sickness tea from Amazon and it works like a charm. It’s non-caffeinated so I won’t be up all night. Other than that, my pregnancy this time around is pretty good and I hope it stays good until she’s out in the world. 

I’m ecstatic to be journaling again especially with the new life updates I have. I feel like this would help me compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings which I definitely need with my busy working mom / college mom life. I promise I’m not super overwhelmed or stress. I do my best in managing my time and stress level pretty well so far. 

I will write again tomorrow with a new topic in regards to life in general and I’ll be taking a shower while my little one is sound asleep. I want my hair to be somewhat dried before falling asleep since I have an early shift tomorrow. Good night!

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Hope - 11/12/2018

I consider myself a hopeful, positive person for the most part. I always want to see the best in others including myself in life. 

My current hopes for myself is to continue to enjoy my maternity leave by snuggling with my baby boy. My next hope is to figure out a good schedule for both Charles & I in order before I go back to work so Reagan won’t be needing a baby sitter.

My hopes for Charles is to no longer have random pains in his body and to be able to apply to a higher position at work. 

My hopes for my dad is for him to not work too much. My dad loves to work and will work OT during his days off. This also applies to all my family since 98% of them are career oriented.

My hopes for my friends is for them to continue to keep their chin up (for those going through rough times) and know that things will be okay in the end.

These are my current hopes for the people I love and support. I also pray and do my best to look at things in the positive perspective.

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Impossible Dream - 11/11/18

I have many dreams but I have a few for what they seem impossible. 

Getting my bachelors degree in finance is one of my dreams that I feel is impossible to attain. I know it will take me time to do so but I wish I could go back to school badly. What is holding me back is money. My credit is not in the best shape for me to take a student loan and I am far back in debt. I’m also trying to pay off debt, create a savings account for Reagan, and save for a down payment for a future house. 

In order to achieve my almost impossible dream, I have the following steps to get there. It may change over time but this is what I would like to accomplish.

1. Pay off as much debt as I can until I get a L4 position at work so I can afford to take at least a class or two per month.

2. Focus on paying off collections and minimum payments on current credit cards.

This is essentially what I’m doing now but as mentioned, it can change over time depending when our lease is up for our apartment next May if we proceed in moving to a new apartment, renewing our lease, renting a house, or moving into a house. It can also depends on mine & my fiancé’s job to see if we’re able to promote.

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Where am I? - 11/6/2018

I currently live in the west valley of Arizona. I’ve been living in Arizona for about 14 years. I honestly love this state because I enjoy the dry heat and there aren’t very many natural disasters that occur here either. It’s literally only monsoon season which happens from late July to early September. The dry heat also treats my skin better compare to when I was living in Philippines which is tropical and humid.

As far as where I am in my state of mind, I am getting the hang of the mom life. It’s definitely challenging since I’m still learning each day. There are days where it’s extremely stressful for me when he’s super fussy and there are days where he’s more calm and just wants to snuggle which I love. I know it’s all about balance lol.

Career wise is kind of haywire at the moment. I mean, I am currently in maternity leave until beginning of February 2019 I believe. But my current position is in the industry of computer software engineering so lots of coding which I don’t necessarily enjoy but the money is helpful to our financial situation so I’m grateful. I would like to have a remote job where I can travel or live wherever as long as I have a work laptop with me. Another thing I would like to accomplish is to go back to school and get my degree in finance but that won’t happen for awhile. The first step is to get out of my computer science engineering position and get a position within the same company that pays a little more so I can afford to go back to school.

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Celebrate - 11/4/2018

I celebrate today for another day breathing along with the people I love also breathing. I only woke up twice in the middle of the night to feed my sweet son and he fell asleep quick after feeding and burping. I’m slowly starting to get him into a routine which I am happy for. My fiancé also goes to work today since it is his Monday.

I reached out to one of my best girlfriends last night to see if she’s able to come visit Reagan and I today just to hang out but it’s her mother’s birthday. So I plan on calling one of my family members in the Philippines sometime this morning while Reagan is asleep and text one of my other girlfriends that I haven’t spoken to in awhile. I have also texted my other best girlfriend whom also had a baby a week after I had Reagan to see if she’s available tomorrow and perhaps we can come over to meet her daughter Olivia. 

I’m also celebrating my faith as it is Sunday today. I’ve been praying daily, continue to be humble on all the blessings He has provided me, and never lose hope on the bad situations. I’ve learned that not everything in life will be great but as long as we face each situation within the most positive intent of our control, things will fall into place with the right attitude. 

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Unsharable - 11/3/2018

I know this month is the month of giving and sharing but there are a few things I don’t share for personal reasons.

1. Finance - I personally do not see a reason to share my finances with anyone even with family or close friends because it does not benefit both parties. The only person I share my finances with is my fiancé since we live together and have Reagan but we do not have a joined bank account.

2. Career plans - I do not share my career plans with coworkers, family, or friends. I’m the type of person where I do not want to jinx myself on interviews or whatever greener pastures I’m trying to get into. 

3. Blogging - This blog I write to often is essentially my personal diary. I write here to relieve stress, have clarity, and as a form of reflection. These have my private thoughts.

4. Negative emotions - I do not like sharing my negative emotions or feelings to anyone because I honestly think it’s a burden to them even though they say it’s not. I also do not like people worrying about me especially if they cannot physically or emotionally help me. If I’m feeling sad, I usually tell one of my best friends or some days, I just get very closed off. I know it sounds horrible or another outlet is here to vent.

I guess you can say I can be a private person about certain aspects of my life. However, I just don’t see the need to share the listed things about to my family, friends, and even my fiancé if I know it won’t add value to them in any way or even value to me.