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not gonna write much today. elections have taken all my will to do anything for the day. i'll try to catch up on stuff tomorrow.

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fun fact that i absolutely despise : THIS is eli's most played song.

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lockout (2012) starters

WARNINGS: CRUDE LANGUAGE, MENTIONS OF CRIME (MURDER) & THE LIKES.

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

❛   what happened in that hotel room?  ❜  

❛   oh, it was coupon night and i was trampolining your wife.  ❜  

❛   you’re a real comedian aren’t you?  ❜  

❛   well, i guess that’s why they call it a punch line.  ❜  

❛   you don’t like me, do you?  ❜  

❛   don’t flatter yourself, i don’t like anybody.  ❜  

❛   with that attitude, i can see why nobody likes you.  ❜  

❛   oh come on, people like me. just ask your wife.  ❜  

❛   who was the mystery person on the phone?  ❜  

❛   i don’t like hurting you.  ❜  

❛   is that why you’re having someone else do it?  ❜  

❛   i can have rupert bludgeon you all night.  ❜  

❛   i’m sorry, i’m being beaten up by a guy called rupert?  ❜  

❛   don’t ge me wrong. it’s a dream vacation.  ❜  

❛   i get inside the maximum-security nuthouse, save some poor fuck if they’re not already dead.  ❜  

❛   get past all the psychos who’ve just woken up.  ❜  

❛  i’m thrilled that you would think of me.  ❜  

❛   nah, i’m trying to give them up.  ❜ 

❛   so it says here you were convicted of aggravated physical assault?  ❜  

❛   no. i’m innocent. that wasn’t me. that’s a case of mistaken identity.  ❜  

❛   on fifty-three counts?  ❜  

❛   i’ve a very familiar face.  ❜  

❛   i’d rather castrate myself with blunt rocks.  ❜  

❛   that’ll freeze the nerves in this spot for 24 hours. you want some in your mouth?  ❜  

❛   this is to stop the bleeding. and hopefully … the talking.  ❜  

❛   you’re the only type of jerk they found for this mission?  ❜  

❛   the only one stupid enough to say yes.  ❜  

❛   what do you want me to do? fly? ‘cause i think i left me cape at home!  ❜  

❛   here’s where it gets a little bit tricky.  ❜  

❛   you know the counting thing, not very relaxing.  ❜  

❛   here'e an apple and a gun. don’t talk to strangers. shoot them.  ❜  

❛   must have been tough on the playground.  ❜  

❛   that’s why i’m so lovable.  ❜  

❛   i mean, i can’t really see this going anywhere, can you?  ❜ 

❛   depends on how good your are in bed.  ❜  

❛   then i give this at least ten minutes.  ❜  

❛   tell me you are not still thinking of negotiating with those psychos!  ❜  

❛   i’m happy not to go.  ❜  

❛   you’re going.  ❜  

❛   okay.  ❜  

❛   this is what i was afraid of.  ❜  

❛   yeah, there’s movement alright. she’s doing the fucking lambada in here!  ❜  

❛   where is the entourage?  ❜  

❛   gave them the slip. i have you to thank for teaching me that.  ❜  

❛   sh! be quiet!  ❜  

❛   what? do you hear something?  ❜  

❛   no, i’m just enjoying the silence.  ❜  

❛   do you have any idea what my father would do to you?  ❜  

❛   ah, geez … not raise taxes again?  ❜  

❛   i’m bringing you back from the dead.  ❜  

❛   do you enjoy being yourself or is it a part-time job?  ❜  

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and @opalscales was ordered into the directors office : bold words in ink on paper of the script written for their part in the show.

personal space is disregarded partially when he slings one arm around the womans shoulder; making sure to keep it light and loose to give her proper chance to pull away should such close proximity and friendliness from a near stranger make her uncomfortable. and yet it doesn't stop him from smirking with mischief reflected in his eyes. eli has something to say, and tragically, it seems she has to be the poor soul to deal with it. which will be hilarious for him because he was getting bored anyway.

"statistically speaking, one of us is closer to death than the other, and we don't even know who. isn't that fun?"

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and @ardauntly was ordered into the directors office : bold words in ink on paper of the script written for their part in the show.

there's a moment of silence, a brief pause where he simply ignores the people walking past. he recognizes some faces as people he's already bothered before, recalling that their reactions to his nonsensical antics and whimsical questions were underwhelming. so instead he opts for the newest target in the area; an amused smirk playing on his lips as he regards the woman with a small nod, his arms crossed over his chest as he lets out a short whistle just to catch her attention further.

"quick. would you rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck? no follow-ups."

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small starter call; it'll probably be kept very short but i'll still cap at five!! if you're a mumu please specify who you want eli yeeted at!!

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and @wvtchpls read the script; paper stained with the directors orders : “….you’re getting on my last nerve.”

for a moment there's an amused hum escaping past shut lips; smirk donned like a mask while eli tilts his head a little to get a better look at the woman. he is no stranger to the company of people who find him less than pleasant to be around ― he is not for everyone, such is a fact well known to him. and yet, eli finds himself somewhat surprised by the bluntness of her words. it's not every day someone entertains him with raw honesty and in a pleasant way it is almost refreshing.

eventually there's a small scoff, amused as he finally crosses his arms, leaning back against the wall he'd been propped up against as he raises a brow with a small chuckle. "damn, your last nerve? i was aiming for the first one. should i start over?" he asks nonchalantly; unbothered amusement evident in his voice. for a moment after, he falls silent until he opens his mouth again; much to the chagrin of probably everyone in the area. "you never answered my question though. what do you think crows think about all day? like, do they have jobs?"

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will be here in a bit, will do a smol starter call, too!

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the fact that he'll always reach out to the people he cares about no matter what because he hopes they'll take his hand. and the fact that he'd come back a completely blood mess because he is no longer a stranger to violence thanks to kane; if someone hurt the people close to him he would beat that person bloody.

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... it's been so long how do i even approach people-

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"if it's the last thing i'll do; i'll cut out every part of you." is such a hard line because eli literally tried so hard to leave his past, his parents and kane behind him. he got his tattoos to forget his past. he tried to hard to rebrand himself as, well, ELI not as elias. he's trying so hard to leave it all behind.

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it's so sad to me that eli is TWENTY-SIX but people frequently believe he's well over thirty simply because his past left a visible impression on him. especially given that he already has some hairs that have turned grey; he dyes them because he doesn't want people thinking he's a "grandpa".

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i promise you guys i'm 100% normal about eli. not.

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also if you filled out my interest checker && then someone named potatuh adds you on discord; that's me!!

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eli vance started as a charismatic child star, capturing hearts with his charm and humor. he had the classic hollywood rise — commercials, a hit sitcom, fan clubs, and fame. but like many child actors, he was treated more as a brand than a person. his parents were either controlling or absent, and the industry only valued him while he was profitable. the moment he hit his awkward phase, everything changed. his voice deepened, he lost his “cute” appeal, and suddenly, he was just another washed-up teen actor with no direction.

without a career or real support system, eli drifted into the underground, where he met kane — a powerful, manipulative figure who knew exactly how to exploit someone like him. kane gave him a purpose, trained him, and made him feel needed, but it was all control disguised as loyalty. eli became kane’s enforcer, believing he was making his own choices when, in reality, he was just another pawn. the illusion shattered when eli got arrested and kane abandoned him without a second thought. after years of blind loyalty, eli realized he meant nothing to the man who had shaped his life.

after walking away from kane, eli found himself lost, unsure of who he was without someone pulling the strings. he leaned into chaos, rebranding as the “unhinged ex-child star” on social media, playing up his reckless personality to distract from the past. but underneath the internet antics, he still struggles — jumping at shadows, battling old habits, and dealing with trauma he refuses to acknowledge. he acts like he’s got it together, but deep down, he’s still figuring out what his life is supposed to be.

now, eli lives by one rule: if you can’t be good, be entertaining. and if nothing else, he’s damn good at that.

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i just really wanted to show him off before i collapse in bed

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i made an interest checker !! added it to the pinned post as well just to be safe <3