I was frozen in it, what it was with 𝙍𝙊𝙎𝙔 𝙑𝙄𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙎 of what was to come.
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But doesn't it define who she currently is, in this realm of Portum? Where most seem dileniated by species? Sora is taken aback in the best of ways, though a part of her is glad that despite her initial snapping at the other he remains unphased. Maybe, she thinks, it would do her good to befriend him. Truly befriend him, not just by the not so casual encounters they've shared but to make a friend -- something she needs in this afterlife. "It doesn't define me, that's for sure, but to others -- it's all they seem to fucking see. Or not see." As evidenced by the fact that it is Grayson who catches the attention of the bartender and not her. As a Leo, being seen as so easy to pass over was sometimes a fate more painful than death itself. "Well, if I ask them what their age is ...what's the WORST they're going to do to me? Are there rituals that can expel ghosts? We've got to do some research on that." The previous statement that Grayson mentions before, of not wanting to overstep boundaries and of death being a tricky subject comes back to her. Almost like a boomerang. "You know, I can tell you're a lot kinder than me already based on the fact that I've overstepped quite a few boundaries myself since coming to Portum. If I have to ask someone their age, I will and if I have to ask someone about their death -- I will. Even if just for our knowledge and ...research." Is the word she decides on, the smile returning to her face more mischievous than ever.

his brows raise at sora's slight outburst, stifling a smirk as it sinks in that he was not talking about the word ghost at all. "no, perhaps i'm not — but death is a tricky subject and i try to not overstep boundaries." he replies, shifting in his seat to face sora more properly. "it might be the truth but i'm not someone who thinks that defines who you are." grayson responds with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. he was someone who if people didn't truly know him, they'd absolutely judge him just on the way he carried himself. he'd come to learn a whole new world existed outside of what he believed were true not even five years ago — now most things he learns from the town & the people living in it are eye-opening on their own. "that actually ... huh. i have no idea? that might be something we'll have to ask around for. but hell, it's hard to tell unless you ask and then people might get mad that you're asking them what their real age is." grayson chuckles, eyes narrowing as the bartender ignores sora ... taking a deep breath to not let his anger get the better of him so quickly. "hey! what's a guy gotta do to get a damn drink?" his voice resonates through the bar, over the chatter and music that played through the speakers. the bartender finally turns towards them, grayson quickly placing the order for another drink for him & one for sora before they have time to walk away again.

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"You guess correctly," Sora answers, wondering where she could begin, if she even wanted to begin. The mood swings of her ghost-hood were akin to what going through puberty felt like. Though, this current state could've been exacerbated by the current state of affairs in Portum. “I guess...well, I wouldn't want to be a stinky, rotting, walking CORPSE of course but I would want to have a body. For a supernatural town, I feel awfully like a second class citizen. It's made me almost homicidal. Not that I could even commit a homicide with how kumbaya it is here.” Not that Sora was really someone to commit homicide in the first place "So, can I guess what you are or is that rude? I actually don't really care if it's rude, to be honest, but if I'd like to know if it is."
❝ i guess the red bull is a good pick-me-up. what's a little jager for an extra kick? ❞ however being a healthy morning person, he couldn't say he ever did the same. it was a bit strange growing up deep beneath the surface, younger experiences were pretty different from those in portum. or the rest of the world. ❝ it does sound like something added to a potion. ❞ something he definitely would not want to drink. ❝ why the sudden interest in trying to reawaken the dead. i'm guessing personal? ❞ seeing as she was a ghost.
#mystvcs#mean girls vc: sora you cant just ASK people what they are#sora: kai.#interaction: sora.#death mention tw
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"Ghosts are real." The feelings she's held together for a year hit her, any composure falls by the wayside and it's the most alive Sora has felt since before her death. First, it's a swirl of relief, that Soobin is replying to her; that she, Sora, is actually a reality. Not just a figure, a chess piece used in the media, not just a sister or a daughter, a novelty transitory creature in Portum but to be seen as herself. "You DIDN'T believe me when I said ghosts were real?" The tears finally fall, thick droplets she didn't know she could produce, as if in a movie. Her usual dramatics are replaced by the full breadth of emotion, now shifting into an indignation. There's a resentment of the world, in the way things are. If ghosts were real, if her boyfriend ( was that still what he was to her? ) was a werewolf, why couldn't she come back to life? Even more so, what were these boundaries meant for? To feel at the threshold between life and death in this way was only agonizing because of the confirmation that there was so much more they didn't know. Sora was not as naive to think that she could be fully human but thinks that there's a chance she could be something more whole. Or something else.
It is then she realizes that she is becoming more herself, that this year of trying to manifest her physical self into his existence has paid off. Even with Portum on the fritz now, she has been able to be seen by the person who mattered most. "Everytime I left, I was guided back here. I went home. I looked for you, " EVERYWHERE. " I couldn't find you, " ANYWHERE. There was a frenzy, a non stop searching especially after he hadn't been at her funeral. It wasn't like him to not show up, even with the whispers from Sora's family besmirching him. They'd always questioned Soobin's character, tried to state that they were not good enough for her, that this was yet another phase for Sora to rebel. It was embarrassing how wrong they were. Not unusual for her family to be so glaringly wrong.
"I had no idea what happened to you and why I kept ending up in what I thought was a Halloweentown like hell. I really thought Portum was some bullshit purgatory or some hallucination or afterlife or what have you until I found you. " They let out a breath they didn't know they'd been holding, the words had rushed from her lips as if at any moment either of them could DISAPPEAR. More tears fell down their face, Sora may not have concerned herself with the religious dichotomy of heaven or hell but by all accounts -- she knew she would be going to hell if there was one. So, she figured when she found Soobin in the flesh, battered & transfigured but not dead, she was still on Earth.
"Then I realized what happened to you. That this was real. But I was just --" A GHOST. In the shadows, lurking. No guardian angel, unable to even move a wrench ( she tried ), poke a hole in someone's tire ( she tried ). "A ghost. I'm a ghost." It felt heavier to admit to Soobin, it was final saying it to them, not just a gotcha or a party trick. The final verdict after a long trial. "It's hurt for the last year. To not be all of me. To have to work my way up to being ...a full person. Visible. It's been miserable, every time I've been so close to you and you haven't been able to see me. No matter what I did. How long I lingered. This town is...different. I don't know what the fuck is going on with it but it's a crock of bullshit -- it being a 'safe haven'. Feels like a cult koolaid slogan people drink and try to give others. I'm not buying it." That was besides the current point but Soobin was her best friend, it was a solace to be talking to him again. Even if his expression, his disbelief, the pain that she felt radiated from him was HEARTBREAKING.
Her hand reaches out and her eyes go from him to it, begging it to stay solid, summoning up any ounce of warmth that could be produced in an effort to make the touch feel human, not like the cold skin of the rotting body in her grave. A hand to his cheek, to touch, to feel him is enough for her tears to fall faster now. He was real. His cheek the final confirmation that this was all real, that it had happened. Even after a year of this reality, it hasn't sunk in until now. "It wasn't me in your dreams -- but I'm here now. I promise. I SWEAR, Soobin." Choking on the reluctant sobbing that starts to ensue, her words a prayer, a hope, if she could swear on her life she would've -- but what good was that now? "Believe me. Please."
how what registered as delectable in its sweetness now rots in his nostrils . a rot which he cannot blame his nose for , not when his sight caused it . she wavers within the flames , then without ; she , in her own quietness , whispers so gently , as though the very nature of what she mentions might break him . ( god damn it … she might be right . as usual . she was always … fucking . right . ) the softness grows . as if it can make up for the fracturing her gaze does to his own reflection . he does not move . rigid , to the spot . from flight , now to freeze . ( i'm not afraid . i should be . of what this could mean . did i not leave you in the place where my humanity was taken ? ) his breath hitches . nostrils flare . over the mango of the syrup , the vanilla of her shoulders presses to the back of his eyes , a deepening haze gathering in his peripheral vision . the bonfire becomes water with how it all swims . “ would it even be real if you did ? or am i just fucking dreaming as usual ? ” as usual . it has happened before . but always in wreckage , bloodied and soiled ; always with a regret on the back of his tongue as pungent as copper . his head aches . he near confuses it with his heart . his gaze , it wanders back to her , more focused , less fearful … bold . had he not just spoken to íde the other morning , warned how she could have run over a real ghost ? “ you can't be here . there's no fucking way . how the hell did you even get to … here ? ” a violent shaking overtakes his wrist . ( nowhere near as violent as the heat rushing through him , the sudden need to grab her . clasp her by the shoulders . ) it would be overstepping now . they've forgotten everything — and nothing . not a single moment has passed . he can't answer . no yes , nor no . if you kissed me , every piece i've stuck together with glue will break into a thousand cuts . his jaw works . something behind his eyes burns too .
#when ur muse kinda coming back to life ??? do you believe in life after LOVE?? takes on a new meaning#like wiat a damn min....#i know i wrote this and literally thought of this with her but it hurts !#this might not be my best work but its not AI and that matters <3#mad3wells#interaction: sora.#sora: soobin.#event: bonfire.#death mention tw
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"Oh god, you really are a bird, huh?" It was said with a slight fondness, an amusement. Sora didn't know much about Sam, in fact, this may have been the first time they'd interacted not in Midnight Steep itself. Íde worked there and since Sora had been not only summoned by Íde in the past but paid her a visit in the various places she was -- she'd talked to Sam before. Always kind. Always warm. Always remembered regular's orders. It was also one of the first places Sora had gone into when they'd came to Portum, the idea of magical tea blends something that excited them once they realized what Portum was. Upon inspecting it, her nose scrunches, "looks like you may be stealing someone's home. I think SOMEONE'S still in there."
STATUS : capping at [ 1 / 5 ] LOCATION : portum bonfire, walking the shore away from the commotion FEATURING : sam & open ( assumed connections welcome, or dm _rennaissance_ to plot )
THE BONFIRE WAS MEANT TO BE A DISTRACTION, sam knew this logically, but at the same time he couldn't help but be distracted. now that people were getting their abilities back, sam was hopeful this meant things were starting to look up, despite knowing deep down how naive that was. their abilities might be back, but that didn't stop the strange blood from appearing in the woods ⸺ nor the ritualistic looking wood arrangement that accompanied it ⸺ from weighing heavily on the back of everyone's minds.
still, sam was always one to find the silver lining in every situation, which is how he found himself walking down the shore. dark eyes were glued to the sand, searching, until he suddenly stopped, squatting to closer inspect the object that caught his attention. his hand shot out, fingers digging into the sand before presenting the object to the other with a lopsided grin. "what do you think? worth bringing home to the nest?"
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"If you so much as breathe too warmly in the direction of my money, Zafer, I'll haunt you for the rest of your miserable life," an empty threat, as Sora had already picked who she was going to haunt for the rest of their lives unless they so happened to pass away. Then maybe, she'd finally go on. "But if you buy me a drink, I'll be the PERFECT angel on your shoulder for the rest of your days. Especially if that drink is strong, potent and capable of making me see a different dimension." It was easy for Sora to pretend like nothing was happening as she didn't really have to worry about her own mortality. Portum was barely a home for her, she hadn't let it been. "Oh, if you kiss me I'll make sure both an Etsy witch and a regular witch turn your balls the worst shade of green. They'll look MOLDY."
SETTING — the bonfire , unspecified location ( dealer’s choice ) , open starter
— I love pretending nothing is happening, it’s my favorite activity after picking up unsuspecting wallets and kissing sad, beautiful faces. — He commented to the person beside him, with a charming and playful demeanor. — What’s it gonna be for you today? We can talk about the weather and pretend nothing is happening, or I can pick your wallet when you’re not looking. I can also buy you a drink and offer a little smooch for your troubles. — He raised his eyebrows and put his hands inside his pockets, with a boyish smile.
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"What? Since I'm WHAT? You can't say the word, ghost? What makes me so different from-" it was then that Sora realized that he had meant the word, 'dead'. Which, may have been more of a delicate topic for others to trapeze around but it was her death. "Even then. I JUST said I was dead. You're not calling me a slur." Her tone goes from pointed to deflated in an instant. "You can say that I'm dead. It's the truth." Downing the liquor in hand, they can't even remember what they were drinking until it hits their tongue, so thrown off by the truth in which they said was okay to utter. Sora catches the tail end of Grayson's dramatics when he puts his fingers on his pulse point. He may find it entertaining and if Sora had not had the emotional whiplash she had had, she may have found it funny too. It was a weird existence, her state shifting even now, a wave of sadness hits as she realizes that this instability was normal considering her more recent circumstances. "Do you think that sort of an age gap has laws against it in Portum? Could you say… date a 30 year old looking vampire who's actually 300 or is that too Twilight for our liking?" Her eyes once again look for a bartender, failing in flagging them down. She was close to going behind the bar herself. Afterall -- it was something she could do.

grayson had never been a stranger to the bar scene — from making a fake id to get into them when he was underage, to frequenting them when he was in college to now being a bouncer at envy, meaning he knew the ins & outs more than most people ... yet he never seemed to tire of the atmosphere. "not to be rude, but wouldn't it effect you less since you're ... you know?" grayson asks, his tone genuinely curious more so than he was meaning to be sarcastic. he was experiencing so many new things, most of which he lived his entire life thinking they were nothing more than mere fables. "hm, last i checked i'm very much still alive, i think." the male says, placing his fingers on the pulse point on his neck, nodding to himself as he feels his normal heart rate beneath his fingertips. "yep. still alive and kicking." there's a small grin that pulls on his lips at the mention of sambuca being mistaken for a soup. "i haven't really dared to ask anyone here how old they are. last time i did that i got a nice little reality check after i'd been hitting on someone. now? i just live in blissful ignorance when it comes to ages." grayson chuckles, picking up his drink to finish it's contents, swirling the ice cube within the glass. "but i'm sure there probably is."

#numinovsly#interaction: sora.#sora: grayson.#death mention tw#she may not apologize for That but she will be getting him shots. IJBOL
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"Maybe. Rude but also a statement." If anything, Sora was impressed by the amount of protest that the citizens of Portum had. Sometimes, she didn't know if she really belonged here ( did she belong in the land of the living at all? ) and other times, she couldn't imagine herself anywhere else. "What do you think of ...everything? I don't know anything, really. Which is really humbling, I'll tell you." How Sora had found herself doing such a mundane task was beyond her but she had been encouraged to do more things for & around the community. COMMUNITY. "I'm usually involved in politics to a degree. This all feels oddly political." It was weird, to feel so new to your own existence and world yet not really part of it at all. The idea of being in the afterlife came to her – was THIS what the afterlife was? Could all the dead make it to ghosthood if they really couldn't move on from Earth? "Didn't think there would be politics in the afterlife. At least, the life after my death."
LOADING. ↻ OPEN STARTER LOTTERY .
CHOSEN. ↻ RASHMI THIMMANA & YOU [ 0 / 4 ]
LOCATION. ↻ clean - up before or during the bonfire .
armed with the spear of a trash fork and an open bag , rashmi plucks the recently - tossed styrofoam cup and places it gently within the bowels . they sigh , surveying the amount left behind on this area of the shore , frowning so deeply , new wrinkles appear in their forehead . “ hm . call me a cynic , but how much of this is from those who truly lost their ways , and how much of it is irresponsible citizens littering ? ” in rashmi's opinion , the array of trash simply has too much variety . or perhaps not enough , to be only supernaturals losing simple control . they press a piece of paper into their palm and set it aflame . this , at least , brings them satisfaction . “ it's rude , ”comes the prim statement once it has burnt into a crisp .
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The music, the people, the fire, the feeling of it all feels new but as old as time -- since the beginning people have gathered this way. Sora remembers this like one would remember riding a bicycle, to breathe, to be. From what she knows of this bonfire, it's nothing short of a DISTRACTION and while she is never against a good distraction -- she's not there to be distracted. There's something she feels, something that makes her non-existent heart beat in time with the current e l e c t r i f i e d around them all. The distinctly Portum energy. It's a feeling that she's followed to Portum, only now after a year actually able to touch the tactile.
It's then she realizes why there has been a current, a gravitational pull to this particular event. For what feels like the first time, he looks at her, sees her as he has so many times before. Sora can only stare back -- can a ghost just feel like they've just seen a ghost? There was a worry then, she would DISAPPEAR along with all the progress she's made to get to this point. Finding it painful to fail miserably in a study of her own corporeality.
But she wasn't failing now.
"Please tell me that's not the mango one," she starts at a whisper, there's a softness, a relief in her voice, not as teasing as usual. What is usual was being in his business like it hadn't been a year of time between them. A year of death. Sora's eyes start to water, it feels against her will as she does not want to cry in front of all these people around them even if she no longer sees them. Not really. Her gaze is set on him, as if she's apologizing for her own absence, making up for it now with undivided attention. "I used to be DEATHLY allergic to mango. Guess … that won't be a problem now if I tried to kiss you?"
LOADING. ↻ CLOSED STARTER LOTTERY .
CHOSEN. ↻ JEONG SOOBIN & KWOG SORA . @blo0dpact .
LOCATION. ↻ NEAR THE BONFIRE .
the crackle of flames , not enough to chase off the array of goosebumps which accosts his forearms . an automatic reflex where he takes his heated palms and rubs them away , sighing out through his mouth . it is so — fucking weird , to be both worried about what might happen and yet , not at all . the laughter and music which carries around him , it zooms as though from the emptiness of a long , dark tunnel . so rings it with most things , admittedly , the werewolf keeping that barrier between himself and the rest of this town , even though he sets to experience it similarly . so when he glances through a gap in the flames , he expects to see that space . some kind of manifestation of emptiness . and instead he sees — his face whitens . soft bending , then snapping of plastic of the cup in his hand , a blink and still she remains . a flick of eyes to the left , then to the right ; a shortness of breath that near has him on the verge of — don't . be . fucking . dramatic . his frown deepens . he sets to drinking his little mango refresher as though his life depends on it . ( his heart lobs so slow . lethargic . like the ending of a pulse . like what it means to awaken , in the same chill , because you have been left behind . ) “ just seeing things . ” because otherwise , the alternative is impossible . takes another sip . the fruit of it slinks like slush against his tongue .
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Her eyes went to the glass of almost untouched whiskey as he began to talk, watching as he actually took a solid drink. Some people went to the bar to drink, others went to the bar to comiserate and drown their sorrows. In the past, they'd done all of the above. Sora was serious when she said she went to the bar to investigate this time. " I'll stop staring at the glass...for NOW. I've gone from wine to tequila before, just not as a dead person." It's said bluntly, not rudely or with any edge, just to let him know the reality of the situation. "So, if anyone's to be concerned, it'll be you after we do these tequila shots together. Unless you're dead too." His tone matches her nature, it's welcome to her as she attempts to get the attention of a bartender. “I once had a friend who thought Sambuca was a tomato soup. Was a good friend, though. Do you think there are people from the Victorian era we could ask to verify that info?"

he'd been sat a at the bar too, a singular bar stool of distance between them as his eyes focused on the whiskey glass that sat in front of him — almost untouched, a tell-tale sign that grayson was not feeling like he normally did. "if you keep staring into that glass, something's bound to pop out of it.. i don't want to deal with more bad vibes than whatever the hell is already going on around here" the male teases with a slight chuckle, swiveling the barstool so he can face her with a raised brow. "going from wine to tequila might be the worst mistake you could ever make, or it might change your life — you never know until you try it." there's an air to his tone, one that exudes mischief. he'd always been one to encourage others to try new things, especially when it came to alcohol. "research huh? yeah, we'll go with that." grayson chuckles as he picks his glass up to take a sip of the drink, setting it back down onto the bar top with a quiet thud. "if that's the case do not ever try sambuca, that's enough to kill a victorian child."

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Her eyes light up, a dangerous smile plays on her lips as she turns to the other fully acknowledging their presence now. "I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if a jager bomb worked in bringing back the dead -- I used to drink one of them in the morning after a hangover. Did the trick MANY a time in bringing me back to life," it's then Sora starts to register the words he means. Did he think that she wanted to bring someone back from the dead? It was almost funny then, maybe he doesn't even register her as a ghost. There's a moment of pride, it's taken a lot for Sora to get to this point. "I guess … hair of the dog might mean something different in Portum than it does anywhere else, yeah?"
at first, the merman is confused. he listens to her ramblings about drinks with tugged brows, not understanding what's the big decision. even if it was the first time she was trying them, did it matter so much what it was? drunk was drunk. but she continues and kai begins to understand, kind of feeling ill when thinking about it — bringing back the dead. ❝ i don't think that's possible ... or a good idea to try, ❞ that's what portum needed — zombies. but because he's curious just how far she'll go. ❝ maybe a jager bomb. ❞
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"Why is everyone so surprised? It's funny in the sense that an animal attack in this town is probably the most lazy and DREADFUL excuse they could come up with. Abuse of power comes at no surprise or whatever the saying is." Frankly, Sora can't believe that so many people would have faith in a governing body of any sort. No matter what kind of safe haven this was, political corruption was everywhere. "What kind? I'm particular about my emotional support plushies."
「 🔗 」 STATUS. ﹕ open. 「 🔗 」 LOCATION. ﹕ the entrance of build a ghoul. 「 🔗 」 FEAT. ﹕ hayden & your muse.
( ↻ ) “ i can’t believe the council is basically saying we can totally live , laugh , love in these conditions . ” hayden lets out a scoff at the reminder of the portum times’ morning issue . “ seriously , an animal attack ? do they think we’re falling for that ? ” these are uncertain times . despite hayden’s laid back demeanor , it’s getting increasingly difficult to remain unbothered . “ anyway , you think we should get an emotional support plushie or something ? ”
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Sora sat at the bar, INVESTIGATING the wine in front of her. It's a dramatic motion, the swirl of the stem in her manicured fingers, the inspection of it, her nose at the top of the glass. A fermentation, a bitter smell, a welcome comfort. So far it seemed that certain tactile things were the ones to make her more corporeal, pangs of memory making her more full. "I think ...I need to start doing tequila shots." The way it's said is so measured, careful, thoughtful for a former party girl that used to do something like that out of pleasure. "Or should I try...gin?" A dramatic look of disgust colors her features, she did NOT want to try gin. Even if this was for science, for ghost kind. "This is STRICTLY research so any suggestions that might shock my body back into existence are helpful. Except fireball. I think that might be my limit."
#portum:intro#this could be at the old haunt or spell & bourbon!!!#sora: cutely ignores the drama around them
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( moon ga-young . demi-woman . she/they ) — blasting poor fake by kelsey lu down main street we’ve spotted kwog so-ra sporting their leather black boots with heel flames, finally able to make that familiar clack on the ground the twenty-nine (thirty) year old GHOST who’s been in town for a year often can be seen bothering other ghosts with absolutely no decorum, sitting in others people's cars like an unwanted uber passenger, trying their best to get used to the idea of being dead while liking the fact that they'll never age, practicing on any number musical instruments of choice or working as a ghost historian at PORTUM. people say they display openminded and melodramatic traits, but we rather trust their vibes: cut up band t-shirts under a plethora of otherwise preppy attire with evershifting hair easier to change now as a ghost, equally parts throwing fits & parties for attention and stewing internally & going to a rave to dance it out, the pulsing the blood, sweat, bass, tears, and sparkles of the dance floor, the hourly waves of realization that she never really knew how much she loved being alive until she was dead. also, we’ve heard they love WATCHING MECHANICS WORK WITH THEIR HANDS ! aren’t they fascinating ?
CHARACTER PARALLELS: Mary ( Party Girl ), Sun Bak ( Sense8 ), Nico Minoru ( Marvel's Runaways ), Trixie Tang ( Fairly Odd Parents ), Daphne Kluger ( Ocean's 8 ), Lestat de Lioncourt ( Interview with the Vampire ), Mitsuko Souma ( Battle Royale ), Nikki ( It's What's Inside ), Alex Claremont-Diaz ( Red, White, and Royal Blue ), Maddy Perez ( Euphoria )
PLAYLIST: 𝙞. leave my body by florence + the machine || 𝙞𝙞. snake skin by rina sawayama || 𝙞𝙞𝙞. a pearl by mitski || 𝙞𝙫. how to disappear by lana del rey || 𝙫. need nothing - orchestral performance by vérité
homophobia/queerphobia (alluding to it), childhood neglect tw
Without Bora, there would be no Sora. Bora is the heir and SORA was the spare.
She is told this as long as she’s been able to hear and for a while she doesn’t mind because of how much she loves Bora. Sora would not be here if it wasn’t for her sister, she would not be anyone if she wasn’t a sister. A daughter. A trophy child. There’s no agency, maybe, but she gets to be. Until she realizes the price of being is something that makes everyone around her miserable. She had tried to take up less space. Tried to fit into the mold, contort her soul, shrink her curiosity and be a Kwog. There's a sense of power that she realizes she has in making those around her miserable, in taking up the space they do, in being as loudly themselves when they're a politician's daughter -- meant to be seen not heard. To be a figurine on the mantel, not the centerpiece. When Sora realizes she wants to be more -- her family is terrified of what this means to the campaign instead of what this means about their child. Politics never suited Sora, knowing that in a popularity contest she always came up short. Second at best. Never the most loved by her family, never the most chosen, never the most valued or listened to. Unfortunately for them, this did not subdue her into submission but fortified a sense of INDIVIDUALITY. Because her family left her in the dark where they put themselves in the light — something s e p a r a t e from them grew.
They think it’s a phase, the hair cuts and some dye, the bass that is to be heard at all hours of the night -- the cello left in the depths of her closet. Sneaking out but making it painfully obvious she was doing so, covered in glitter and coming home smelling of smoke & SPIRITS. Ranting at the dinner table about conspiracy theories, ghost stories, rumors about the supernatural that Sora read in books, consumed in TV shows & movies that her parents couldn't follow. About politics they could never care about. Later down the line when a tattoo sleeve starts to form, Yijeong has never been angrier. But Sora? She feeds off of it. The attention. The anger that he slings at her is akin to the anger she feels towards her sister, towards her familial structure. Her sister, who was once her best friend, barely there for her anymore but the show pony of the family. If he thinks it scares her ( his disdain ) -- it doesn’t. The truth is that he doesn't even know his own child, he can’t imagine his second daughter as anything but a carbon copy of her sister. A product of him and his wife. This becomes a game to them, their cruelty matching that of her families -- the only time any attention is really thrown their way. Newly eighteen, it’s unheard of for a Kwog to take a gap year -- but she does going to Berlin. In a way, her parents are hoping that this rebellion will finally be expelled from her system before the rest of her life was mapped out for her.
The word ‘queer’. Genderqueer. Bisexual. They’re not said with disdain, they’re not said in hushed whispers and soon Sora finds out she is more than a sister or a daughter. While she’s known she was so much, had always felt deep in her soul, there are people like her. The misfits. The punks. The overlooked. Outcasts. Not just at the parties she would go to but living a life that is idyllic compared to the constriction of her own. When her full head is first dyed a vibrant pink -- she cries. Something besides the nuisance she is develops, a fully fledged whole person. Not just a girl, not just a boy, not just the space in between ( but in every space between ) not just a specific gender but she becomes everything & everyone she never knew she could be. In all her rebellion, her anger, she never knew that this could be turned into something more antidote than venom. Not consuming to the point of ruin. Her anger could change the world. Berlin teaches her that she has a whole other facet to who she is that she must keep to herself. That she must nurture. There’s nothing but freedom in her identity and it’s for no one else but her. How lucky she was -- to step into herself without the pain of someone else overshadowing her.
They're right in hoping that something would make it out of her system -- the need to rebel to get their attention because no longer does she care for it the way she did before. Sora wants to be someone else, wanting to BREAK FREE and become who she is meant to become without their spider web of a 'safety' net. At end of the day she is a vain creature who enjoys the comfort of her things, biding her time as she plays the part as a means to an end. To have her education paid for, her lifestyle paid for, her apartment. Until she falls in love and realizes that the greatest freedom of all is to not have to prove herself as worthy of anyone's attention. She spends her days with him and if there is a heaven, it's in his arms, it's in the spaces they occupy together, it's in the arguments and the making up. It's the way in which she is chosen by him that clarifies her life in the rearview, that holding onto a family that doesn't want you is never worth any of the security it provides to have them in your pockets. Even if it means having to get a real job. The double life is almost abandoned, shed like a snakeskin, when Sora is attacked and murdered by a pack of wolves who did not seem to be able to turn her. In her last bits of life, she does not think of the anger, the pain, not even of her sister -- but of HIM. They do not end up leaving the world; only leaving their body behind. How many times had Sora already done that before? Now it was just official. Sora had always known ghosts were real -- they can't help but feel a sense of vindication to be so right now that they are one.
Yijeong uses her death now to get a literal sympathy vote — finally she is useful to the family who saw her as more of a burden than a child. Sora does not go back to them, does not let herself think of them, does not have unfinished business after having mentally washed her hands of them long before she was dead. Her sister & mother may mourn her but she does NOT miss them in death the way she did in life. There is no yearning for a relationship with them, the bridge to her heart burned with them once she crossed over into death. It is only the person she loves that she stays for, the idea of a supernatural safe haven in Portum, to understand what being a GHOST actually means and maybe understand the meaning of life after death. There has been a freedom in dying that Sora never knew to be possible and maybe there are more things about this afterlife that she has yet to discover.
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