bltwithnobaconlettuceortoma-blog
just peachy
it's like a lifestyle blog, diary and storytime all in one but you don't know who i am
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so these past few months were getting better. keyword: were. i was seeing a therapist, i cut out so many toxic people. i thought it was good until i realized i had about 3 people left in my life who weren’t toxic. i spent a lot of time with them, but it seemed like they were getting sick of my presence. maybe not, but my insecurities told me that no one liked me and that i needed to stop bothering them. but they were all i had left, so i still bothered them. they claimed i was still as good as ever, but they still noticed that i was sad. they didn’t really do anything effective, and i never told them i was seeing a therapist. i couldn’t humiliate myself like that, they would think i was being too overdramatic. so here i am today, thinking everything was better, but my anxiety is through the roof. i can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t even express my feelings to my friends without feeling like i was desperate. i came to the conclusion that no one really likes me anymore. maybe its not true but it sure feels like that. i have no motivation to go to school, see my friends, hang out with anyone, or do homework. all i do is sit around in my room and go on my laptop. its not healthy but i have no idea what to do. there is nothing i can do. i don’t see my therapist for another month. maybe this will all blow over by then but i just can’t see a good future for myself. today i see my sister, who suffered from depression and anxiety be as happy as ever with a boyfriend who loves her, and my brother, who also suffered from extreme anxiety, get engaged to the love of his life. i wish i could imagine myself being that happy, but the thought of waiting 5-10 years until i become happy just hurts my heart, i dont know if i can wait. until then, xoxo
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hey FAM BLT here but today was an average day because it was our first day back from break and everyone made me want to CRY ugh i hate school with a passion. no im not being dramatic. yikes.
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yea im back and better than ever but my depression is ~still present~ but it hasn’t been as bad but still hits me some days and it kinda sucks but whatever. my anxiety is thru the roof on the daily and half the time idk why????? my migraines are absolutely terrible all the time but whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!111! had a mini vacation this week for easter which was nice because i cant stand my hometown anymore or anyone in it. my “friends” are total female dogs because they are such PIGS around guys and only care about impressing them and all told me i was being over dramatic because they were walking in the middle of the road on a busy road at 10:30 pm but idk who even cares. they are all fake and i cant deal with them either. i am so sick of school and everything el.se and i hate going there and seeing those people and p utting in so much time and work to do well inschool and all my school activities and no one cares and i hate my life rn it’s too stressful and ugh im going to cry but maybe i should just try being happy because apparently that cures depression. thanks
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cool so you’re depressed and have pretty bad anxiety but no one takes you seriously because you have “so many friends” and you have such a good life and you’re too pretty to be sad but you are the only one who knows everything is just a show so no one really sees what’s hiding inside of you. sure your parents sense when you are sad and try to talk to you about it but then you just feel attacked when you respond with “really i’m fine” but we can all tell that you’re not. you’re just trying to be strong. you’re not the only one. sometimes that’s just how life is and you can’t control it. sure someone will say “oh just let loose” thanks! you just cured all my mental issues. thank you. but i get it you’re just trying to help but you really don’t care how i feel unless it directly effects you. here i am being all emo and my friends can tell im so upset and disappointed in myself but they don’t really care. they all think im being waaaayyyy too dramatic but do they really know i am just a sad person?? no!!! “yea im just really insecure and i dont love myself rn”
“why?? youre so pretty and have such a nice body and you don’t need to change anything!!! just be yourself and dont let anyone tell you differently!! lol!!”
ok
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hi this is the dumbest blog ever i am sorry but i couldnt find a name that wouldnt expose my name but still be kinda funny at the same time. if the name is just stupid yea u right but idk what to make it. this is my new diary kind of idk im just going to rant and vent on here but idk how often because im pretty busy during the week so here it is.
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