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ok but why is Martin convinced that everybody tryna steal his girl.

Like buddy. Your girl is an evil eldritch fear entity in the form of a 5 foot negative three skinny depressed snooty rat man with no ass and undiagnosed autism who hasn’t showered in a month, is probably a closeted theatre kid, and is a total bitch to everyone he knows including you. I promise you you’re not in danger.

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“she fed him to me.”

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Had to make this a reality

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the people have requested more fake tweets

(part 1)

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“average person has 8 eyes” factoid actually just statistical error. average person has 2 eyes. Archivist Jon, who serves beholding & has over 10,000 eyes in his body, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

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“i really loved you, you know?” will always get me

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asmr but it’s just Jon beating the shit out of Elias

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love how jonmartin have their own version of a one bed trope in fanfics, but instead of being cute it’s getting stuck in a flat together that is constantly being invaded by worms and the worm lady is periodically and ominously knocking on the door for two weeks

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Somewhere else but Martin and Jon end up in kpop demon hunters. The Huntrix girls immediately try to kill them because they think Jon is a demon, Jon and Martin think they are avatars of the Hunt. Chaos ensues.

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I went to GenCon yesterday (I was cosplaying Helen the Distortion and my friend @anthonynotgreen was season 5 Archivist covered in eyes) and some notable interactions,

A guy working for Monte Cook Games saying he can always tell when people are there for TMA because they’re hyperventilating

finding another Jon the Archivist and them giving me a chainmail eye keychain which has been added to my car keys

the number of people who saw either me or my friend first and went “Is that?” And then saw the other one and went “It is!”

getting multiple peoples discords

buying A Guest for Mr Spider (and the TMA game props) and then someone from Monte Cook Games taking a photo of me and my friend to post

Running into a friend from another school that we knew through ballroom competitions

Regularly hearing someone freak out at Anthony’s eyes face paint

a middle aged man who walked up very timidly asking if my friend was Jonathan Sims and if he could take a picture of us for his daughter because she got him into TMA

my friend and I being asked for photos and him consistently going “Do you want me to look uncomfortable” and they always went yes

A lady asking to take a photo of my nail things for her son who’s a drag queen that doesn’t like having long nails (same)

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Yall.

Neither Jon, nor Martin are good people

I keep seeing people either talk about how *great* Jon is, and how nothing that’s happened is his fault. Which, maybe true to a degree, but also. A lot of what’s happened is because he kept doing it.

People also are saying how perfect, and wonderful Martin is. He’s not. He’s not a horrible terrible person, not at all. He’s also just. Extremely faulted.

And people getting mad at others for liking bad characters.

Yall. You dont need to hate a character to believe what they’re doing is wrong.

You can like Jon and still disagree with his choices, because, let’s be real here, *most* of his own choices aren’t exactly the smartest, or have the best outcome

Liking Martin, even though he’s done some terrible things himself, doesn’t make you a bad person.

Jon and Martin are *incredibly* faulted people. They barely work together in a workspace, let alone a relationship in an eyepocolypse.

They literally wouldn’t have gotten together in any other universe, because. They wouldn’t work without *anything* that happened in the Magnus archives.

Without the Magnus Institute, they wouldn’t have even met, most likely, and we see that in Protocol.

Will any of this make sense? Probably not. I’m running on a singular coffee, lightheadedness and. Three hours of sleep and spite . But I just. I got annoyed lmao

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The Eye of the Archivist

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my friends and i usually call my favorite character archetype the "smug bastard", but after some very scientific research, we've come to a better shared characteristic

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Last night I was laying face down on my balcony clutching the railing and sobbing for 2 hours at nearly 1:00 in the morning, and all I could think about when the panic attack subsided was: “haha, that was so Jon core.”

God fucking damnit.

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Jonathan Sims be like. All of these statements are fake and they're all stupid for believing it. Mine was real tho.

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why are those lesbians always taking in a pathetic sopping wet cat of a man is it in their biological makeup what’s going on