blueduckie

[blueduckie]

Fantasies...

So we all have fantasies - right? I thought my fantasy was pretty tame and harmless but also ridiculous and unrealistic. Books and movies portray it as romantic and a fun adventure🙄😳🤦‍♀️let me just tell you, there is a fine line between fantasy and reality and it rarely ought to be crossed - if at all.

My fantasy - having a stalker/romantic interest😳😳😳😬😬it’s actually rather embarrassing but I can’t help but laugh at myself for being so naively foolish.

The only reason it “works” in books and movies is because the main character is portrayed as being overprotective and domineering and plays hero, “rescuing” the “helpless” female either from herself or from someone with nefarious intent - which causes her to forgive his bossy, stalker, creepy like tendencies and personality.

As a plot point it works just fine and provides a pretty good, if not fairly trite and redundant, story. But - we all keep buying into it because deep down in our sentimental romantic hearts, we all want a hot secret someone to pay attention to us and “rescue” us from something🙄🤦‍♀️🤨if nothing else Disney has taught us it is expected and sought after.

🤔🤔🤔

Yeah - no.

Back in reality land, if you do have a stalker, chances are extremely high that he’s a creepier and has misguided possessiveness and anger issues. There’s nothing romantic about that. If anything it’s inviting trouble and being unnecessarily naive and foolish.

At this point you’re probably thinking I’m a bitter old hag who’s a man hater. And that’s not true at all. I freely admit that I am rather jaded, a bit cynical and distrustful of the opposite sex but it’s only because I’ve had to grow up very quickly and I have to live very firmly in reality, leaving make-believe and fantasy far behind - occasionally my inner child comes out, but it’s very rare.

I like men - I do - I think they’re funny and I enjoy most of their company, it’s just that I haven’t found one I relate well with and the ones that do come around, either don’t know what to do with me or think they can bully me into being someone I’m not.

There was a guy I was corresponding with last Fall who, despite professing to respect my opinions and decisions, completely disregarded and ignored everything I had to say, giving me the equivalent of “there there” and a pat on the head and tried to act like he knew what was best for me even though we hadn’t met in person yet🤦‍♀️😳🤦‍♀️

You may not agree with my opinions but I do know my own mind and you will respect it.

There was another guy that I went on one date with - ONE - and he took that as an invitation to blow up my phone with over 250 text messages in less than a day. It sounds like an exaggeration but I promise you it’s not - I was so perturbed I specifically remember looking up that months cell phone bill - and there it was in black and white.

I don’t mind texting family and friends but if you’re going to be constantly texting me stupid asinine questions every couple of minutes, even after I’ve told you to stop because I’m either trying to sleep or am at work and nothing has changed since the last time you texted me two minutes ago - I am going to get mad at you. There was absolutely no respect of my personal boundaries going on. He was actually the first person that I legitimately on purpose ghosted and blocked on Facebook. But not the last.

Which brings me back to the guy I “met” last year on Facebook - we’d been messaging each other for all of a day before he started in with how much he believed we were soulmates and we going to get married someday and have lots of kids together - every red flag in the book popped up at that point🚩🚩🚩even after I told him he was going way too fast and he needed to slow down and back off, he kept right at it🤦‍♀️

He was the second person I blocked on Facebook and - ironically enough, the third as well.

After months of blessed silence I got a “friend request” from a guy who looked remarkably similar and had a very similar name from the exact same area as the other guy🤔🤷‍♀️😬🤦‍♀️I don’t believe in coincidences - I also don’t believe in “soulmates” or “destiny” - we make our own destinies. Yeah - he got blocked too.

I did feel bad about that - for about a second and a half - before I remembered that I had told him last Fall, before I blocked and ghosted him the first time, that I didn’t like what he was doing and he needed to stop - that was actually the second time I’d told him that - some might consider it heartless but as far as I was concerned, I’d given him ample chances to change. I’m not so hard up and desperate for companionship that I’m gonna put up with that kind of nonsense, especially from the get go.

There’s been guys I’ve met online, and in person, who have a one track mind - how fast can we go from zero to sixty?😳dude - I met you five minutes ago, calm down. That is not what I’m looking for🤦‍♀️Or - people I don’t even know, who start messaging me and want me to move across the country and be a stay at home caregiver for their child while they’re gone overseas for half the year - again five minutes after “meeting” them😳🤨🤦‍♀️😬say what?

While I do not believe in “fate” I do believe I was born under a mostly unlucky star ✨💫🌟✨at least when it comes to dating.

There was a guy I went out with from work(don’t do that btw - not the first time I’ve done this, you’d think I’d learn🤦‍♀️) - we had fun, nothing to write home about but I’d had a good time. I was actually looking forward to seeing him again and getting to know him better despite being coworkers - right up until he started blowing up my phone with countless asinine questions when I was trying to sleep or was at work😡😤🤬I completely shut down after that - Fort Knox isn’t tighter.

He told me afterwards that I had ghosted him - at the time I didn’t mean too, I didn’t realize what was happening until after it happened - but as soon as he started in, I flashed right back to that guy from years ago who kept pushing and pushing despite being told no and all my “walls” instantly went back up.

I thought I was over it and had moved on - hell I don’t even remember his name - but I sure remember what he did - evidently it made more of an impact than I thought it did🤔And oh yeah, btw - it’s now very awkward at work because he’s trying to be all buddy-buddy and I’m not even remotely interested right now, and somehow he’s not getting that.

So - what I’ve learned from all this ridiculousness - is that dating websites and meeting new people on Facebook aren’t working for me. And I am much better off without the ensuing drama.

I’m a strong, independent, stubborn woman with an excellent work ethic and I’m not just going to roll over to save your fragile little ego - that’s disgusting🤢🤮🤢 - I’m opinionated and I have a hot temper, I’m also going to challenge you and make you think - deal with it. I’m looking for a partner not a child.

To paraphrase a book I read recently: he wanted someone he could be himself with; he wanted someone to need him - he wanted to need someone.

That’s what I’m looking for. A REAL man.

It may be an overgeneralization but I think that’s what everyone is looking for - to be needed and wanted by someone else.

[blueduckie]

Co-Workers

I need to get this off my chest because it’s still bothering me years after the fact - obviously🙄 I’m actually rather perturbed at myself that I haven’t gotten over it yet - if pattern holds though, I should be over it as soon as I’m done with this post.

A couple of jobs ago - when I worked night shift, one of my day shift coworkers would come in in the morning and try to give me report on the patients. Sweetie - just because that’s how they were yesterday on day shift, does not mean that’s how they were last night when you weren’t here. 🙄😳oh bless her heart🙄😤Sit down. Shut up. And let me tell you how they actually were last night, when you weren’t here.

🙄 News flash: patients frequently change - especially if they’re hospice(which we were).

My other coworker, would come in 15 minutes early - also day shift - and expect/want you to drop everything and give her report and count medications with her. And if you didn’t - she’d get supremely irritated with you.

No. Just no.

Just because you’re early does not mean I’m going to bend over backwards for you. Report starts at the top of the hour and I will give it to you then - and not one minute before - it’s the principal of the matter at that point.

It was ridiculous. 🙄🙄🙄 Some people.

And I feel equally ridiculous for even letting it bother me - but it did/does. And continued to do so for years afterwards. 😳😳😤 I do believe I’m finally over it....

[blueduckie]

Rubber Ducks

Years ago a shipment of rubber ducks fell overboard - a lot of them washed up on beaches around the world - there’s a book about the ducks adventures in the ocean, oceanographers were able to learn a lot about ocean currents and tides by following the ducks - it’s actually really cool - at other times whole shipments of bananas, shoes and Doritos have fallen overboard and washed up on various beaches around the world 🌎 a lot of the ducks ended up in the Garbage Patch - the point - if anyone is in the neighborhood and can visit the Garbage Patch, could you find a rubber duck and send it to me? Please and thank you.

https://www.nationalgeographic.org/encyclopedia/great-pacific-garbage-patch/

[blueduckie]

Is Love Real?

.....I'm inclined to think not. Simply because the vast majority of my professional life supports the notion that love - while great in the abstract concept, is, in all actuality not real.

If you truly loved the person like you said you did - you wouldn't be doing that. You do not have their best interests at heart as much as you profess you do. You're being selfish and you need to stop.

I bring this up because I was talking to a friend recently about this and she was flabbergasted that'd I'd even say such a thing - maybe I am jaded and broken but work in healthcare for nine years, the last five exclusively with the dying and we'll see if you come out as happy go lucky as you went in.

That being said - I want to believe in love, I just don't know if I can.