bluemiracleoftime

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Let me in damnit

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the police to my mom: ma'am your daughter was driving 110 mph eating hot cheetos with one hand and texting in an imessage group chat titled “boy pussy” with the other and crashed into the back wall of dd’s discounts and died instantly but somehow her body made its way to the accessories section and we found 35 dollars worth of stolen hoop earrings in her purse

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the fact that people can be soooo confident in themselves that they look at their phones while going 70mph in a giant metal death box on wheels is so jarring to me. complete fucking selfish morons

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this lady i work with is legitimately in love with a haunted doll and i’m freaked out

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a clownboy (half clown, half cowboy) says yeehonk

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bitty

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if i were dating you. well, heh. let’s just say horses wouldn’t be called ‘horses’ anymore.

hey what the fuck does this mean

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if you really want to drive people up the wall, say “pardon the pun” but don’t make any puns. leave them guessing.

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when ur little and ur parents sign u up for sports but all u do is play in the grass and pick flowers is lgbt culture

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me @ me: full offense but you’re the worst person on this planet

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once i figure out how to hold a conversation, it’s friendship for you bitches