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I told a dude he jerked his dick like it was his first time owning and operating a cock and he told me he got in a car crash where both his hands went through the windshield and he just got his cast off

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sucks so bad when a character you love is heavily infantilized. that is a grown man he knows what a cigarette is. intimately

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Loading Screen Tip: You can hold the princess to make her feel better.

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if tumblr goes down give me yuor full home. address and i will move in to your hpuse

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I love talking about the biggest or best thing “this side of the Mississippi” because like hey buddy I can make the best peach cobbler in this half of the continent but god only knows what peach secrets they have over on the other coast. I’m not messing with that.

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the female half of my soul is always fag hagging for my male half that's why i am such a balanced individual

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Obsessed with whatever is going on rn

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realism in video games

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it’s funny how quickly you get desensitized to comic book nonsense like mister sinister is an insane name for a fictional character it’s so goofy but when i read his name i’m like this is not a laughing matter. we’re talking about cyclops’ traumatic secret laser beam eyeball orphanage surgery backstory. stop laughing.

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date idea: i lay down on ur lap and you pet my head and tell me im not too much

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"tumblr's the only social media without algorithms!" "you can still be anonymous on tumblr!" "tumblr's so nice because you don't have to show your face!" WRONG tumblr is special because you can have 3000 followers and still get an average of seven likes a post. i'm doing stand up comedy at a packed venue and one person is laughing

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*Mutual reblogs something you posted*

Me: They still like me. Thank God.

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