bluezart89 - Tumblr blog

[bluezart89]

Not really sure how to say this but I’m really sorry for disappearing from everything. Life got really hectic for a long while and between work fulltime and in the process of figuring out how and when we’re gonna move house and just life in general I haven’t really been able to come on here and keep things up to date. But for personal reasons I think it’s time for me to either archive this blog or just delete it. I might make a new one further down the line for stuff but for right now I think this is for the best. Also, as soon as i can figure out how to get onto my twitter i’ll just go ahead and delete that one. But in the meantime I’m gonna leave this open until I come to a complete decision on what to do with this account. Again, I apologize to everyone for going quiet like I did for so long, I really should’ve said something before.

[bluezart89]

eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.

[bluezart89]

life update:

i’ve been doing a lot better irl just been really busy and worn out with working 40 hr retail but i’ve been thinking about easin’ myself back into online stuff when i can, i just don’t know with how much i’ll actually be active here or anywhere

[bluezart89]

I up and disappeared without updating at all and I’m so sorry for that

ive been trying to get myself and my life straightened out and it’s been a slow process

while I’ve been a lot better than before I feel like it’ll be a while still before I feel comfortable coming back online

[bluezart89]

Life Update 

    First off, I’m very sorry for disappearing the way I did everywhere without any sort of word. I don’t want to seem like I’m just making excuses, at the same time though I really didn’t know how to address anything that had been happening and it just seemed easier to just not say anything at all and honestly I’m still not sure what to say.

*tw: depression and anxiety, thoughts of suicide and self harm mentioned below 

  * My anxiety and depression hit an all time high and My mental health has been declining for a very long while, I’ve been dealing with thoughts of suicide and self harm and not knowing what else to do a large part of me thought it best to take a huge step back away from social media, discord and everyone; I didn’t want to burden anyone but at the same time I’m sure that I’ve alienated/pushed away friends because of this and for that I’m very sorry for doing that to all of you.

In the meantime I had been trying to take steps slowly to figure out myself and what I should be doing and how to recover and helping out with family matters where I can, I think I finally found a therapist I might be able to get in contact with but as for coming back to using social I’m still going to try to keep it at arms length, I’m not even sure when or if I’ll actually be using it again anytime soon. While my twitter is still up I most definitely won’t be using it anymore other than keeping up with what’s going on every now and then, but even then I will eventually delete it I’m sure; If I ever do start posting again it’ll probably be here or pillowfort or somewhere but I don’t think that’ll happen anytime soon.

  It took me a long time to figure out how to explain this or if it even mattered to do this but at the same time I felt like everyone deserved some sort of explanation for all of this, I don’t want to make excuses by writing this out, I just wanted to say sorry to everyone in some way and to update you guys on here about what’s going on and that I’m so sorry that it took me so long to say anything about this, none of you deserved to be thrown in the dark like that.

[bluezart89]

you’d be surprised how many people appreciate your existence. the people you’re closest to, the people you’ve given a passing compliment or smile, the people you’ve helped out just a little here and there. you’re appreciated even if it’s not said out loud.

[bluezart89]

gentle reminder

it’s okay if your personal progress (especially regarding mental health) isn’t constant, perfect, or linear. sometimes there are ups and downs you can’t necessarily control, and that’s okay. growth is complicated, but it’s always there and it’s always something to be proud of. it’s always there. please don’t be discouraged. 

[bluezart89]

They are talking about a second Krystallnacht, let us be clear about this. For the week of J20, be careful, support your locals, and be armed and ready to dip.

[bluezart89]

please keep in mind that learning is always a process. learning to draw, dance, play an instrument, but also learning to say no, learning to start conversations, learning to be more comfortable in your own skin. it’s great setting goals for yourself, as long as you allow yourself to get there gradually instead of immediately wanting to be the best at it (and setting unrealistic standards for yourself because of it). change is rarely a single moment during which everything suddenly shifts, but rather a period of time in which you learn and adjust and improve. you’ll get there, but you must give yourself time to do so.

[bluezart89]

i don’t think u realize just how much pressure you put on ur stylus/wrist until you up the sensitivity

just tried it today and daaannng it’s gonna take some adjusting to but i can tell the difference

[bluezart89]

gentle reminder

if you are looking for a sign to reach out for help, this can be it. please schedule that doctor’s visit or phone call, or call your friend, or sit down with a loved one. your mental health is really important. you are not a burden. you deserve to be listened to. and you deserve the chance to recover. i know that it’s scary, but you can do this. i’m so proud of you. 

[bluezart89]

i accidentally put too much peppermint extract into this mocha drink i made now anytime i take a drink of water i turn into jack frost 

[bluezart89]

people in fanfiction are so good at identifying v specific smells. I literally struggle to identify vanilla when I’m sniffing a candle labelled “VANILLA” how are these kids getting woodsmoke, rain, mint, and a whiff of byronic despair from a fuckin tshirt

[bluezart89]

Net ball hot chocolate bomb with a smol marshmallow inside...though I think it would have preferred a frozen drink instead! ❄️

Let it snom, let it snom, let it snom 🌨️❄️

[bluezart89]

you’ve reached a checkpoint!

go get yourself a glass of water

have you had enough to eat? go get yourself a little snack

how’s your posture? stretch your back if you have to

happy scrolling!

[bluezart89]

Are you trapped on tumblr right now?

Is there something you planned to do before you got trapped in the endless tumblr scroll?

Are you yelling at yourself to get up and do the thing, but you can’t, because you’re trapped in the endless tumblr scroll?

Consider this your save point.

Put tumblr down, stand up, stretch, and go do the thing you planned to do. Future you will be incredibly grateful.

[bluezart89]

it’s late and no where near done honestly but shh 

what started out to be just a christmasy hat kid turned into the whole trio lmao